MasterChef

MasterChef is a reality based cooking show on FOX starring Gordon Ramsay, Graham Elliot and Joe Bastianich as they take ordinary people and turn one of them into a masterchef. It aired its first episode on July 27, 2010.

Season Two

Episode Nine [2.09]

[After the contestants make a vegetarian dish in the mystery box challenge]

Gordon: But there was one individual who got tripped up. The lack of protein, no meat, no fish, put that person into obscurity. That dish belongs to.....Christian! It wasn't cohesive. It wasn't properly thought through and the whole sort of style of the dish was strange.

Joe: We didn't expect it from you. We thought it was something subpar. We were very disappointed.

Christian: I think you're wrong. I don't think my dish was the worst dish here. Esther's dish looked pretty (bleep). Take what you want.

Joe: Well you have the right to disagree but we're telling you the way we see it and we thought the dish sucked.

Alejandra: (interview) Christian is acting like a little punk right now. His arrogance is stinking up the whole kitchen.

Ben: (interview) He has no filter. You don't argue with Gordon Ramsay.

Christian: I don't agree with you.

Gordon: Well we're trying to give you constructive criticism. If you were a man, you'd take it on the chin.

Jennifer: (interview) It comes from here [points to her brain] to here [points to her mouth] with zero filter.

Gordon: Unfortunately, your talent's not matching your arrogance. The dish was a letdown. End of story.

Episode Eleven [2.11]

[Graham is tasting Jennifer's dish]

Graham: Tama is salty and I think it's just over concentrated.

[Christian who begins to lose confidence starts eating his own dish.]

Gordon: [whispering to Joe] He's just eating, isn't he?

Graham: ...has a really nice rustic taste...

Joe: He's not listening.

Graham: The fennel just looks wonderful. I love that you roasted it. The puff pastry adding the textual contrasting against the creaminess of the lobster mashed potatoes. All of it works beautifully.

Jennifer: Thank you chef.

Graham: Well done.

Jennifer: Thank you so much.

[Christian cuts another slice]

Joe: Hey Christian, why don't you have the same respect for these people that they do for you? Put the silverware down and behave like you belong in this kitchen and show these people the same respect they show you! Because if not, I'm going to personally come over there and throw you out of here! You show no respect and I'm not going to deal with it!

Jennifer: (interview) Christian is very confident in his cooking. But he needs to stop being a (bleep). I don't think that's going to happen.

Joe: Sorry.

Episode Fifteen [2.15]

[Gordon is tasting Jennifer's risotto.]

Gordon: You've hit the perfect risotto and it's phenomenal and if the rest of the contestants can taste the seasoning in that risotto. [referencing Christian's dish] I've tasted a bland, bland dreadful mashed potato. But there's the benchmark. Christian, I want you to come down and taste this. Because when you put mashed potatoes on a plate like that, you've got to understand what you're up against and it is of a benefit and I hope you see the difference.

Christian: [tastes the risotto] It's pretty good, I've had better.

Gordon: Look at me, you may want to be (bleep) smart and start acting like an arrogant (bleep). But let me tell you something, it's cooked perfectly and it's seasoned beautifully. Your mashed potatoes are bland and so I want you to identify the difference, hoping that you've got the intelligence to take it to the next level and learn from it. Because all of sudden, over the last couple of weeks, you've shut down. Because you can't learn anymore and that's pretty obvious with the results you're putting on the plate.

Christian: (interview) It tastes good. I'm not going to deny that it tastes good. But I have had better risottos. Am I going to stand there and butter Jen's ass? Hell no.

Christian: (Bleep) throw me under the bus!

Gordon: Jennifer, well done.

Jennifer: Thank you chef.

Gordon: Amazing.

Jennifer: Thank you so much.

Gordon: Great job.

Jennifer: Thank you. (interview) You know what buddy? You keep saying I don't belong here? Okay, bring it on. Bring it on!

Season Four

Episode Nine [4.09]

[Joe's mother Lidia Bastianich is a guest judge]

Lidia: Howard?

Howard: Okay. [presents his dish] (interview) Walking up, I'm not 100% confident in the dish that I'm bringing up. The plating isn't that great but hopefully the flavors come together.

Lidia: So what is exactly this stuff?

Howard: Bell pepper jalapeno braised chicken and then it's spiced with a little cumin.

Lidia: Cumin is a spice that is not used a lot in pasta making or stuffing. [tastes] What I have here is a mouthful of peppers.

Howard: Okay.

Lidia: It's not harmonious with a pasta dish like this. Pasta classics work and they are appreciated time after time. Otherwise, they wouldn't be called classics.

Howard: Of course.

Lidia: Get a good a good connection of the basics, don't just fly off on a wagon. Okay?

Joe: I don't understand, she's been nice to you but the whole thing with you is you have this very cavalier attitude. You don't know what you're cooking, what dish you're making with ten minutes left and you come up here and get misty eyed with us like "Oh, poor me again. I got screwed up." And I'm getting tired of it. Because if you were smart, you would duplicate a plate. The fact that you are not even thinking of playing this game properly is really annoying. I'm going to taste this.

Howard: You want fifteen of the same dishes up here?

Joe: If you're here putting your spin on everything you make because you want to show us how cutesy and intelligent and crafty you are? Well that's going to get you to a one way ticket back to wherever you came from and then you can show your friends and the six people who told you you were good how cutesy and smart you are when you're home cooking at dinner parties while the rest of this group goes on and competes to become the next MasterChef. So, I want pasta cooked properly because you know what? [tastes] The only thing worse than a cook who can't boil is a narcissist full of denial. Thank you for nothing.

Episode Eleven [4.11]

[Joe tastes Krissi's catfish and spits it out.]

Joe: Catfish eats mud and algae. So what does it taste like? [Krissi nods] Mud. Your catfish tastes like mud. And my issue with your and our interchange before is that you think you know it all? Then go cook it all yourself at home.

Krissi: No, I'm not.

Joe: Because this defensive attitude--, no just shut your mouth for a second. At this point, you're wasting my time and I don't like to have my time wasted. For me, you're done. Good job, Lynn. At least you let me know who's really here to play.

Krissi: (interview) My fried catfish is delicious. It didn't matter what I put on the plate. Because I got in a fight with Joe, they were going to bash me no matter what.

Krissi: [under her breath] Told you.

Joe: [to Graham] Tastes like liquid nut juice in a fish tank.

Krissi: [under her breath] My fish tastes great. It doesn't taste muddy.

Joe: Hey Krissi, whispering to your buddies around you isn't going to help you!

Krissi: I said I knew it!

Joe: If you want to talk behind my back, have the balls to say it up here in front of me!

Krissi: Oh, my god.

Luca: (interview) Krissi, I'm sorry but you need to show a little bit more respect for the judges and for everybody who's around you. You're there, you did a bad job. Be honorable, take it and go back to your station. End of this.

Season Five

Episode Nine [5.08]

[During tasting for the red velvet cake pressure test]

Joe: Dan, there was an overall feeling that you were struggling through that challenge. What happened?

Dan: I got off to a decent start, made a couple mistakes, got frazzled, did not level off the cake enough, so it's a little uneven.

Joe: [cutting through the cake] It's a little hard too compared to the other ones. It's a little tougher to cut through

Dan: Yeah, I overcooked it as well.

Joe: You overcooked it? [pulls out a slice and tastes] There you have it, this is a red velvet cake. Yours is like a "boiled wool" cake. It's got like a wooly texture, not velvety and soft [Cutter grins]. Yours has a definite home-made texture to it. But, you know, if yours is home-made, his [Cutter] looks like it might be child-made, so... We've still got one more cake to taste.

Gordon: Okay, Cutter. Describe your cake please.

Cutter: I made a red velvet cake with equal layers with a good cream cheese frosting.

Gordon: What is that on top?

Cutter: It's an American flag

Gordon: Okay. Whilst I admire how much you love your country, I've never seen a flag like that

Cutter: Yeah, I ran out of time.

Gordon: The outside of the cake looks like a hairy back, what is that?

Cutter: Yeah, I uh- I shouldn't have added it.

Gordon: Do you have a hairy back?

Cutter: I do, actually.

Gordon: Is it modelled on the side of that?

Cutter: Yeah, pretty much.

Gordon: So uhhh, the outside looks ridiculous, I'm hoping inside it tastes delicious. [pulls out a slice and examines] Wow, that's a generous portion of frosting, holy mackerel. However, I'm all about taste. [tastes] Moist, delicious. But it is so sweet. I mean, take a little bite and just get that little gist of what I'm saying [gives a piece of cake to Cutter and he tastes it] It's sticking to the roof of my mouth and I'm on my first mouthful. You cooked the sponge beautifully. However, it's about that ratio and you gotta get that balance right, Cutter. Damn. [walks back]

Cutter: [under his breath] I thought it tasted good