Mousehunt

MouseHunt is a 1997 American slapstick/black comedy film starring Nathan Lane and Lee Evans about two brothers who inherit a crumbling old house from their eccentric father, and subsequently find themselves locked in a battle of wits with a hyper-intelligent mouse.

Directed by Gore Verbinski. Written by Adam Rifkin.

Ernie Smuntz

• Yeah, I was on top once, too. And there's only one way to go from there- and that's down, baby! Down!

• No capers? But that's just grilled cheese. What's the point? Why don't they eat out of a trough? [Rings a counter-bell, looking around at the diner's customers] All right! Which one of you palateless sheep sent my sandwich back?

• Bob's lucky string! The son of a bitch ate it!

• I think you're giving him a little too much credit. Mice don't mock. They don't have a sense of humor or irony. He's not sitting in his hole in a smoking jacket sipping cognac, and giggling to himself, "I left the pit!" The trap snapped itself, the olive flew off and he ate it. It's just that simple. But now that he knows we're here, he won't come within a mile of us. I don't think we'll be seeing any more of that... [Sees mouse in cereal bowl] MOUSE!

Caesar

• Sure. That's how you perceive it. But, to that mouse... *you* are the intruder.

Rudolph Smuntz

• [Under a framed painting of him in Ernie & Lars' office] A world without string is chaos.

Dialogue

[first lines, as Ernie and Lars carry their father's coffin down the steps of a cathedral at his funeral]

Lars: Hold your end up higher, you're not holding it.

Ernie: I am too.

Lars: You are not.

Ernie: Don't worry about me. Hey, isn't that suit charcoal?

Lars: No.

Ernie: Looks charcoal gray to me, some gray polyester blend. Couldn't even find a black suit for your own father's funeral.

Lars: It's black.

Ernie: No, I'm sure it's gray.

Lars: It's black.

Ernie: Grey.

Lars: Black.

Ernie: Grey.

Lars: Black!

Ernie: Fine, it's black... It's the grayest black I've ever seen.

Lars: It doesn't matter what color it is!

[the handle on the coffin breaks off and the coffin slides down the steps]

Lars: I'm sorry, Pop! I'm sorry!

[The coffin hits the hearse; it opens, and Rudolf Smuntz's body sails out and into an open sewer hole]

Lars: Quick! Get him outta there!

Construction Worker: He's halfway to the harbor by now, bub.

---

Ernie: Look at you! You have no home, you have no money, you have no discernable talents. How can you ignore that?

Lars: Some things are more important than money, Ernie.

Ernie: Ever notice it's always the financially challenged who say that?

---

Alexander Falco: LaRue. I have his books, I have his letters. You see the shoes?

Ernie & Lars: [Glancing down] LaRue's?

Alexander Falco: No, but I'm sure he would have loved them.

---

Maury: Gentlemen, I thought you'd never ask. I had all but given up on anyone wanting him. We are about to... gas him again. [Walks off to find Catzilla's crate]

Ernie & Lars: Again?

---

[In the midst of an argument, Lars throws an orange, but Ernie ducks, and the orange hits the mouse, who was watching. Ernie sees the orange and unconscious mouse on the table in shock]

Ernie: You killed him! [Laughs with joy as Lars walks over]

Lars: I-- I didn't even know he was there!

Ernie: Just think of all the trouble we could have saved ourselves if we had just thrown fruit at him in the first place! [Laughs]

Lars: Look! He's still breathing!

Ernie: Well kill him! Kill him! Find a blunt object! There!

[Lars grabs a small shovel and prepares to finish the mouse]

Lars: There we go, get the hell...

Ernie: Let him have it.

[Lars hesitates]

Ernie: What the hell are you waiting for!?

Lars: I can't just hit him with the shovel.

Ernie: Why not!?

Lars: Well, look at him. He's pathetic.

Ernie: Pathetic? He's Hitler with a tail! This is the Omen with whiskers! Nostradamus didn't see this thing coming!

Lars: Well, Ern, he's a living thing.

Ernie: Not for long! Give me that! [He snatches the shovel from Lars and prepares to kill the mouse, but hesitates] I can't! [He hits himself in the head with the shovel and starts crying] Look at him just lying there! It just doesn't feel very sportsman-like.

[The mouse appears to be regaining consciousness]

Lars: We'd better do something quick! I think he's coming to!