National Lampoon's Senior Trip
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Principal Todd Moss
- It's now officially 8:01, people; let's move it! Come on, come on, while we're young! Herbert Jones, get off my car! Quickly, quickly, quickly. Come on, look lively, people, come on. Keep climbing; you won't get a nosebleed. Button that up, Carla. Herbert. Early bird. Worm. Think about it. Pull, Wanda. Pull.
- Well, now that you've enlightened me as to the real problem here, perhaps you should tell the President about your concerns. In fact, I think you should all pool your ideas together. I want you to draft a 500-word letter to the President on what you'd like the Government to do in order to save our education system. Now, Mr. Diplo will be in charge today. Mr. Diplo, I've given these students an assignment. Make sure they finish it by 1:00. If they're not finished, they can stay later.
- If you'll all check your itineraries, you'll see that this is the only stop we're making between now and Washington. So I suggest you take care of whatever necessities come to mind. Now, I'm setting the alarm on my watch for ten minutes. When this alarm goes off, the bus will leave with or without you.
- Look, even though I'm probably going to get into Yale, doesn't mean that I don't suffer from the effects of teen angst. But I'm here to tell you that drugs and alcohol are not the answers to your problems!
- As student body president, I am proud to bring you this special assembly. So, without any further ado, I give to you, direct from Salt Lake City, the music of High On Life!!
- Now wait just a minute. Have any of you considered the consequences if Principal Moss finds out?
- That's it! That does it! You leave me no choice! As student body president, I am placing you all under citizens' arrest! You are all confined to your rooms until I get Principal Moss!
- Lay one hand on me and I'll sue! PRINCIPAL MOSS!!
- Captain's log, 94237.4. I just received a priority communication from Starfleet Command that an alliance between the Klingons and the Romulans will occur right here on Earth. Our mission: to infiltrate the Klingon crew and to kidnap the Romulan leader. Computer, scan file on Klingon crew. Computer, identify Klingon leader. Just as I thought. Computer, identify Romulan leader. Mr. Spock, your analysis? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I agree. We have to stop him. Lieutenant Uhura, accompany me to the transporter. Mr. Spock, you have the bridge.
- Travis. Yes, Admiral Kirk, I understand. Travis out. New orders from Starfleet. The Klingon leader is to be terminated. Phasers on kill, Lieutenant. Phasers on kill.
- Spock. Shuttlecraft has encountered strange alien matter. Have Chekov scan computer bank. Wong, proceed.
- Frank Hardin: Hi, sugar. Frank Hardin, CEO of Bounty Burger Enterprises.
- Lisa Perkins: Would you take your hands off me?
- Frank: Now why don't you and me saunder up to my room for a little party?
- Lisa: Get away from me, you geriatric lush!
- Frank: I'm not gonna let you go 'til you take this key. I could pay if you like.
- Lisa Perkins: So...here we are. Just the two of us. First night in Washington.
- Mark D'Agostino: Yup.
- Lisa: Listen, you were right about all those things you said to me.
- Dags: What things?
- Lisa: You know, about...waking up and realizing I've wasted my life studying.
- Dags: Studying sucks.
- Lisa: I'm not gonna do it anymore.
- Dags: You're not gonna study anymore?
- Lisa: No; I'm not gonna waste my life.
- Dags: Oh, cool.
- Lisa: I need to ask you for a favor.
- Dags: Sure. What?
- Lisa: Well, I've been thinking about this and...I've decided that I don't want to go to college a virgin.