Norbit

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Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Rasputia, and Mr. Wong.

Character Quotes[edit]

Norbit[edit]

  • "I didn't touch your seat".
  • "No, that just my... my wife".
  • "No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts".
  • "Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes... [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lengerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • "Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America!

Rasputia[edit]

  • "Damn it, Norbit! How many times do I have to tell you, don't be messing with my car seat"?!
  • "Bitch, that's MY Wine Cooler."
  • [repeated line] How YOU doin'!
  • "I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide."
  • "It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?"
  • "That's what your stupid black ass get! I hope you broke your ass!"
  • "KATE, BITCH!!"

Kate[edit]

  • "Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit".
  • "[After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!"
  • "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice."
  • "I just don't trust you anymore".
  • "Norbit, what are you doing?!"
  • "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here..."

Mr. Wong[edit]

  • "Norbit, where you go?! Why you run like little bitch?!"
  • "[After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit] Play with that."
  • "Whale, ho!"
  • "Just like old times. Maybe you two should go and make poop together."
  • "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!"

Dialogues[edit]

9-Year-Old Norbit: [After two twin bullies smash his sandcastle] What d'ya do that for?
One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it.
Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it?
[The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts]
10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone!
Both Bullies: Says who?
[Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways]
9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you?
10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. What's your name?
9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit.
10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name.
9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up?
10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt?
9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No...
10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get your ass up and hold my hand.
9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing?

Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!
Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!
Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
Rasputia: Raging Waters?

Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!

Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!
Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday.

Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
Rasputia: Who the hell are you?
Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
Kate: Nice to meet you!
Rasputia: Hello.
Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-

Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
Lloyd the Dog: Kill the bitch!
Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?
Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch!
Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING! I was known all over the neighborhood for my humpin'!
Norbit: I can't kill 'er.
Lloyd the Dog: Sure you can.
Norbit: No. No I can't.
Lloyd the Dog: Pleeeeease?!

[Rasputia opens the door and walks out of the house]

Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?
Lloyd the Dog: I wish I was a doberman! I would chew her ass UP!

[Norbit gets up]

Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?
Rasputia: Mm-mm.

[Rasputia takes out a container of acid]

Rasputia: What's this?
Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the bitch again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.

[Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]

Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?

[Scared, Norbit nods his head]


Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!

[Kate walks over to Norbit]

Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.
Kate: No, that's not all.
[Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]
Kate: Norbit.
Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
Kate: What?!
[Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
Kate: Y y-- you don't care?
Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!
Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
Kate: B b bu-- but last night--
Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
[Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]
Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!

Deion Hughes: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
Deion Hughes: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
[The ceremony resumes]
Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Norbit: I object!
[congregation gasps and murmurs]
Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.
Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!
Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?
Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?
Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!

Rasputia: [laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Children: Daddy!
Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
Rasputia: Who is that ho?
Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!
Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!
Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
Lord Have Mercy: Church!
Big Jack: God damn it, Norbit!
Norbit: Oh, snap!