Norbit

Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Rasputia, and Mr. Wong.

Character Quotes

Norbit

• "I didn't touch your seat".
• "No, that just my... my wife".
• "No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts".
• "Rasputia, we both know we haven't done this before, but we could take our time Darling. In sweet time. Yes... [Rasputia jumps to him] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia falled on Norbit in the bed] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
• "Happy president's day! [Rasputia jumps to him] [Rasputia falled on Norbit in the bed] God bless America!

Rasputia

• "Damn it, Norbit! How many times do I have to tell you, don't be messing with my car seat"?!
• "Bitch, that's MY Wine Cooler."
• "How YOU doin'!"
• "I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide."
• "It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?"
• "That's what your stupid black ass get! I hope you broke your ass!"
• "KATE, BITCH!!"

Kate

• "Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit".
• "[After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!"
• "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice."
• "I just don't trust you anymore".
• "Norbit, what are you doing?!"
• "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here..."

Mr. Wong

• "Norbit, where you go?! Why you run like little bitch?!"
• "[After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit] Play with that."
• "Whale, ho!"
• "Just like old times. Maybe you two should go and make poop together."
• "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!"

Dialogues

Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!

Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?

Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!

Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.

Rasputia: Raging Waters?

---

Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!

Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!

Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!

---

Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.

Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!

Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...

Rasputia: Who the hell are you?

Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.

Kate: Nice to meet you!

Rasputia: Hello.

Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.

Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"

Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?

Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-

---

Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!

Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?

Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

---

Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?

Lloyd the Dog: Kill the bitch!

Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?

Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch!

Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.

Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING! I was known all over the neighborhood for my humpin'!

Norbit: I can't kill 'er.

Lloyd the Dog: Sure you can.

Norbit: No. No I can't.

Lloyd the Dog: Pleeeeease?!

[Rasputia opens the door and walks out of the house]

Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?

Lloyd the Dog: I wish I was a doberman! I would chew her ass UP!

[Norbit gets up]

Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?

Rasputia: Mm-mm.

[Rasputia takes out a container of acid]

Rasputia: What's this?

Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.

Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the bitch again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.

[Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]

Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?

[Scared, Norbit nods his head]

---

Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!

[Kate walks over to Norbit]

Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?

Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.

Kate: No, that's not all.

[Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]

Kate: Norbit.

Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!

Kate: What?!

[Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]

Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!

Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!

Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!

Kate: Y y-- you don't care?

Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!

Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!

Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]

Kate: B b bu-- but last night--

Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!

[Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]

Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!

---

Preacher: [resumes the ceremony] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Norbit: I object!

[congregation gasps and murmurs]

Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!

Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.

Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!

Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!

Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!

Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.

Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?

Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.

Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?

Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right. I love you, Kate. And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH!

---

Rasputia: [laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!

Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!

[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]

Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.

Children: Daddy!

Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!

Rasputia: Who is that ho?

Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!

Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.

Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!

Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!

Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.

Lord Have Mercy: Church!

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