Not Another Teen Movie
- Directed by Joel Gallen. Written by Mike Bender, Adam Jay Epstein, Andrew Jacobson, Phil Beauman, and Buddy Johnson.
- Catherine: I want you.
- Jake: But, you're my sister.
- Catherine: Only by blood.
- Jake: [shoves Catherine off] What is wrong with this family?!
- Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh…I might be late to pick you guys up.
- Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
- Mr. Briggs: No, honey, I'll probably just be wa-a-a-ay too drunk.
- Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
- Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
- Janey: Okay, bye, daddy.
- Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.
- [Jake tries to serenade Janey Briggs at the football field to the tune of Aerosmith's Janey's Got A Gun]
- Jake: Janey's got a gun. Janey Briggs got a gun..
- Art student: [points to Janey] She's got a gun! [rest of class scatters while police are called in to subdue her]
- Priscilla: I need some T-to-the-fourth-power-y.
- Jake: What?
- Priscilla: Some time to talk to you.
- Janey: I have this dream of one day... just... hopping on a plane and going to Paris. There's an art school there...but I can't afford it. Unless there's some way of raising $26,000 before the admissions cutoff.
- Jake: Oh my God, Janey, do you realize that my parents give a scholarship to a girl who can't get into art school every year?
- Janey: [turns around, expectantly] Really? That's amazing!
- Jake: Yeah! This year we gave it to Lupe Rodriguez, the Mexican fingerpainter. I think you'd really like her work.
- Black Rival Cheerleader: We saw you at our game and we know you stole our routine!
- Priscilla: Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. We've always done our own cheers! [to squad] Right, girls?
- Squad: That's right!
- Black Rival Cheerleader: Then you better bring it.
- Priscilla: Oh, it's already been broughten.
- [later at the cheerleading]
- Cheerleaders: We are! The North Comptonn Wildcats! We're black! We know it! We shake our big booties and show it! We ain't white! We ain't white! We definitely ain't white! Break it down niggas'! [Cheerleaders start booty dancing]
- Sports Announcer: Damn! Those bitches represent!
- Mitch: EAT.... MY.... SHORTS!
- Vernon: Ok son you just bought yourself another!
- Mitch: Oh I'm shaking!
- Vernon: Ok that's another!
- Mitch: So...
- Vernon: Do you want me to keep going? Just say the word and I'll go...
- Mitch: GO!
- Vernon: Eeny, meeny, miney...?
- Mitch: Mo?
- Vernon: Your mother was a...?
- Mitch: Ho?
- Vernon: Who was the famous clown?
- Mitch: Bobo?
- Ox: [whispers] Mitch, cut it out, stop.
- Vernon: That's another!
- Ox: But I was just....
- Vernon: Another!
- Bruce: Wait is that another one for Ox, or Mitch?
- Vernon: Another!
- Bruce: I confused.
- Vernon: Shut your hole, Wang Chung! I got y'all now, for rest of your lives, you're mine. If I have to come back in here again, I'm cracking skulls!
- They served you Breakfast. They gave you Pie. Now we're gonna stuff your face.
- Chris Evans — Jake Wyler
- Chyler Leigh — Janey Briggs
- Eric Christian Olsen — Austin
- Eric Jungmann — Ricky Lippman
- Deon Richmond — Malik
- Jaime Pressly — Priscilla
- Mia Kirshner — Catherine Wyler
- Ron Lester — Reggie Ray