Oz (TV series)

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Oz is a Tv Series started in 1997, aired by HBO, ended in 2003, a total of 6 series, revolving around the life of inmates in Emerald City.

Directed by Tom Fontana.
How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways. (Taglines)

Contents

Season One[edit]

The Routine [1.1][edit]

Hill: Oz, that's the name on the street for the Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary. Oz is retro, Oz is retribution. You wanna punish a man? Separate him from his family, separate him from himself, cage him up with his own kind.

Schillinger: Like my tattoos? I'm going to get you one.
Beecher: No, thanks.
Schillinger: Oh, yeah, I'm going to brand you myself.
Beecher: Livestock gets branded.
Schillinger: Yeah, livestock, that's what you are... my livestock. Because now, Tobias, your ass belongs to me.

Wittlesey: There's something in the air. And it ain't love.

Said: I would give my life for you.
Keane: You gonna have to.

Sister Pete: Tim, we gotta talk.
McManus: About what?
Sister Pete: About sex.
McManus: Sister, you're insatiable.

Joey: He ate his mother.
Nino: Get the fuck out of here!
Joey: So I heard. He killed her, then he broiled her head. Smothered it in onions.
Dino: What, no garlic?

Visits, Conjugal, and Otherwise [1.2][edit]

Burrano: Donald Groves. You killed your parents and ate them, right?
Groves: I only ate my mom. I was saving my dad for Thanksgiving.
Burrano: That's festive.

Groves: I saw 'em carry him out. Looked like a roasted, broiled chicken. His flesh was all brown and crispy. He looked good enough to eat.

Burrano: No? He's ordering you around all day, "boy do this, boy do that", it never pissed you off?
Keane: He never called me "boy".

Markstrom: You not gonna kiss the bride? (Adebisi grabs Keane and tries to kiss him)

Hill: God made sunsets full of color and God made race horses that run in a flash. God made the orange, the apple and strawberries, but God's greatest creation is pussy. I don't mean to be crude or nothing but... you can have all the sunsets, horses and fruit there is, just give me all the pussy in the world. Fuck, I don't need all the pussy, just one a day. Every day.

Rebadow: God comes to visit me every once in a while. Actually, he comes more often than I'd like but it's God. What can I say? That I'm busy, that I'm in the shower? He knows.
Burrano: We talking about a burning bush here?
Rebadow: No, it's more like a strobe. A little too flashy, a little cheesy for my taste.

Adebisi: (while signing up for conjecal visits, he hears that wheelchair-bound Hill never knows when he has an erection) You don't know if you're hard?
Hill: I got no sensation down there, so I don't know when I'm hard, I don't know when I cum. My wife's gotta tell me.
Adebisi: You don't know if you're hard? You don't know if you've cum? You don't get any pleasure at all? What the fuck are you doing it for?
Hill: For her.

Hill: And love? Well, if sex is sweet and death is bitter, love is both. Love will always and forever break your heart.

God's Chillin' [1.3][edit]

Groves: Wait, Father, maybe I'm a convert.
Mukada: You can't become a Catholic just to get out of the hole. Come on.
Groves: No, no, wait. I've been reading a lot since I got here about different faiths and yours is pretty nifty.
Mukada: Catholicism is nifty?
Groves: You have that whole mystical transabstentiation bit going.
Mukada: That's right. The Eucharist becomes the body of Christ.
Groves: So you're actually eating his flesh and drinking his blood.
Mukada: That's right.
Groves: Now how can I not get behind a religion like that?

Schillinger: Hey there, sweet pea. How was church? You feeling all sanctified and pure? Get undressed. We're taking a shower.
Beecher: I already had a shower.
Schillinger: Oh, that's all right. When I'm done with you, you'll need another one.

Capital P [1.4][edit]

Hill: Clememcy. Thats a fancy word for mercy. The Governor can commute a death sentence. He has the power to pick up the phone and just say No. But to me, the only time the Governor shows clemency is when he don't make that call. Life in prison without parole is a shitload worse than death. Death is parole. Death is mercy

Kenny: Yo Markstram, man. What if Keane didn't kill Martinez? What if they got the wrong guy?
Markstram: He did it, Kenny.
Kenny: Look, I know he did it! I'm just saying, what if he didn't?
Joey: All I'm saying, Nino, is you gotta wonder what the guy's doing; what the guy's thinking sitting on Death Row knowing he's gonna die!
Nino: The only difference between you and him, Joey, is he knows the exact date he'll die!
Schillinger: The state's gonna let Keane pick his method of execution. Me, I'd pick hanging.
Mack: What about lethal injection?
Schillinger: That's for pussies.
Groves: They say lethal injection causes no pain. How do they know? Did someone come back from the dead and say they didn't feel anything?
Hill: Its rare when You say goodbye to someone that You know its going to be the last Time.You can try and say all those things You should have said before.Or You can hold on and hope that the moment will last a Lifetime

Keane: (Last Words) I wanna tell my family that I love them and I believe that this punishes them more than it does me. I am so sorry for the three murders I did and I wish that, by killing me today, you could bring them back. My time in this world has been far too short. Too short to get it all done right. So I am ready to move on. All praise to Allah. All praise.

L'Italien: (Last Words) I am really not ready for this. Oh, man.

Alvarez: Father, where was God when my son died?
Mukada: Same place He was when His own son died.

Straight Life [1.5][edit]

Ross: I'm gonna give you ten minutes to get your hand off my dick!

Schillinger: [upon seeing Beecher dressed in drag] My God! You're even prettier than I thought you'd be!

Nino: You like tits?
Markstram: Who doesn't?
Nino: My tits are firm and round. Maybe you could suck my tits?
Markstram: You know, I know a lot of brothers who would love to.

Hill: Tits! That's what we call drugs. 60% of the violence in prison is due to tits! Either people not paying their dues or people trying to control the traffic. The traffic. (scoffs) Lately, here in Oz, the traffic has been bumper to bumper!

Dr. Prestopnik: You have to take something, or you'll die!
Said: Oh believe me, doctor, I have no intention of dying!

To Your Health [1.6][edit]

O'Reily: If you gotta go, you gotta go high.

O'Reily: We gotta make him think that we're enemies. Keep him off guard until we kill him.
Adebisi: We kill him, the mob kills us.
O'Reily: They won't know. Not if we put this in his food.
Adebisi: Glass?
O'Reily: We make it fine, he won't be able to taste it. Over time, the glass will cut his insides up.
Adebisi: He'll die slowly.
O'Reily: But painfully.
Adebisi: You're one sick mother fucker, O'Reily.
O'Reily: Coming from you, that's a compliment.

Mershah: (seeing Said is having a heart attack) It is the hand of God! It is the will of Allah!
Said: Call a doctor!
Mershah: You must go ahead and die.
Beecher:I hated Myself so I drank too much.And I hated Myself for drinking too much so to punish Myself I drank more.Sister...I don't wanna hate Me any more

Kenny: I ain't afraid of you.
McManus: (begins choking Kenny, yelling) You afraid of this?! Huh?! ARE YOU AFRAID OF DYING?!

Hill: You gotta love your body because it's all you got to hold on to. It's all you got! I'll make a deal with you: I'll love your body if you love mine!

Hill: 'At least you got your health.' Don't you hate that? You lose your job, you lose your wife, YOU'RE IN PRISON, and some punk ass do gooder says 'At least you got your health' like that's supposed to make you FEEL better! So what if I'm broke? So what if some dealer wants to cap my ass; at least I ain't got a tumor. I swear, the next person to say ALYGYH to me, I'ma make sure they don't have THEIR health much longer.

Plan B [1.7][edit]

Said: Husseini Mershah! You saw that I was dying and yet you walked away? You wanted me to die!
Mershah: No, minister--
Said: NO! This man is not our brother! He is our enemy! As of this moment, this man is cast out! No Muslim will speak to him, look him in the eye, or acknowledge him! You wanted the death of another? Well, right now you're dead to us all!

Groves: (trying to repeat an Islamic greeting)A-salami-I-like-'em.
Mrs Smith:(To Groves after He killed her son) You broke God's law:Love thy neighbour.I want to hate You but I can't.I feel pity,tears but no hate.I didn't realise that until now.You're My neighbour and I Love You.And I forgive You with all My heart

A Game of Checkers [1.8][edit]

Augustus Hill: Remember when your High School History teacher said "The course of human events changes because of the deeds of great men"?. Well the bitch was lying. Fuck Caesar, fuck Lincoln, fuck Mahatma Gandhi. The world keeps turning because of me and you: the anonymous. Revolutions start because people don't have enough bread. Wars start over a game of Checkers.

Schillinger: I had a visit from my sons. They're almost out of their teens now, almost men. Yesterday my boys sat there across from me ranting and raging. They were both fucked up on drugs. They know I hate drugs, that I'm in here because I hate drugs and because I love them. I got about three months until I'm up for parole. All I want to do is get out of here, be there for them. Try to help my kids. That's all.
McManus: If I put you back into Em City, you'll kill Beecher.
Schillinger: If I wanted him dead, he'd already be dead.
McManus: You say you've changed. Why should I believe you?
Schillinger: (smiles) Trust me, McManus. You lose an eye, you get kicked in the balls, you get a face full of shit, you become a different man.

Schillinger: I don't want any trouble.
Beecher: No, of course not! You get into a fight, you fuck up your parole! And I hear that for the next few months, you're gonna be a good little boy so you can get out of Oz and save your two sons. You know, I think that's great. But what I'm wondering is: what if Vern never gets out? What if, as he comes up for parole, he gets into a brawl? A knock-down drag-out with his old roomie! What if, every time he comes up for parole, Vern gets into some ugly incident and has to serve his entire sentence? And his two sons, they become monsters. (laughs) That's just what I'm wondering about. Prag.

Said: Now, I am not saying that the men in Oz are innocent. I am saying they are not here because of the crimes that they committed, but because of the color of their skin, the lack of education, the fact that they are poor. You see, this riot is not about getting smoking back, conjugal rights, it's not even about life in prison. It's about society taking responsibility. It's about the whole horrid judicial system. And we don't need more prisons, bigger prisons, better prisons. We need better justice. Now what can you do about that?

Hill: Yeah, who cares who lives or dies in prison? We read their names in the morning paper and they mean nothing to us! They're faceless! Truth is we don't want to put a face on them! We don't want to know who they really are because then it might hit too close to home. And home is what it's all about, right? Making a home no matter where you are, no matter who you are. At the end of the day, all of us need somewhere to rest. Somewhere to lay our bones. Even if it's in a land called Oz. Yeah, like Dorothy says when she wakes up in her own bed back at Aunt Em's: "There's no place like home. There's no fucking place like home!"

Season Two[edit]

The Tip [2.1][edit]

Case: Ryan O'Reily. Vehicular manslaughter, reckless endangerment, possession of controlled substances, possession of a deadly weapon, violation of parole. That's an amazing list of crimes.
O'Reily: Well, you know, I applied myself.

McManus: Who told you?
Case: That Ross was the one that shot you?
McManus: Yeah.
Case: You just did.

Case: You can't have it both ways, governor! If the prisoners are guilty, so are you.
Devlin: This is not the attitude I expect from my next Attorney-General.
Case: You know something. I don't want to be Attorney-General. I want to be GOVERNOR!
Devlin: What?
Case: I'll see you on the campaign trail, Devlin.

Sister Pete: I couldn't wait for Ross to leave my office.
Case: Why? He make you nervous?
Sister Pete: That, and he had a terrible hygiene problem.

Ancient Tribes [2.2][edit]

Dr. Gloria Nathan: You may have breast cancer.
O'Reily: (laughs) That's funny.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: I'm not kidding.
O'Reily: Breast cancer? Girls get breast cancer.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men do too. It's rare, especially at your age, but it does happen.
O'Reily: I'm not a fag, you know. I've been in this shithole for over a year, and I ain't ever taken it up the ass!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: No one is saying that you have!
O'Reily: Bullshit! You're telling me I've got a chick's disease!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men have breasts, the same as women.
O'Reily: What the fuck you talking about? I ain't got breasts, I got a chest! (pulls open his shirt) See it? Huh, see it?!

Beecher: Who are you?
Busmalis: Agamemnon Busmalis, a.k.a. 'The Mole'.
Rebadow: The Mole?
Busmalis: I dig. I can dig anywhere. I'm gonna dig my way out of Oz.

Beecher:Reading Mein Kampf? Let me tell you how it ends. The Aryans get their asses kicked!

Warden Glynn: The librarian will no longer be available between the hours of 2 and 4 p.m.
Alvarez: That's because she's gonna be with me.

Beecher: Hill, you think I'm insane, right?
Hill: Shit, yeah.

Beecher: Thank God I'm crazy, 'cause I don't give a shit!

Great Men [2.3][edit]

Shirley: (looking around her new cell) How comfy.

O'Reily: I can't figure out why the fuck you care, but I'm glad you do. No one's ever given a shit about me my whole life, so I'm not very good at saying thanks.

O'Reily: Would you fucking relax?
Shannen: Don't get pissy with me! I'm the one who's thinking of you!

Schillinger: We can rule Oz!

Hill: Evil is the only thing that has survived intact these past thousand years.

Losing Your Appeal [2.4][edit]

Beecher: Rats in the garden, catch'em Tauser, cows in the cornfield, run boys run, cats in the creampot, stop her now, sir! Fire on the mountain, run boys run!

Officer Metzger: Listen up and listen good: some friends of mine are very upset that you tried to pin a certain murder on them. For that, you're a dead man.
Richie: Oh, Christ!
Officer Metzger: However, they are offering you an alternative: since you're already in here for one killing, they suggest you also confess to Alexander Vogel's murder. Take your chances with the courts. At best, you get life. At worst, you get the Death Penalty. If you get life, my friends will let you live. If not, you're dead anyway. So choose.
Richie: Tell Glynn I need to see him. I have a confession to make.
Officer Metzger: Good boy.

Judge Grace Lema:I can't tell if I gave You a fair Trial or not.And now seeing You like this,I think maybe the punishment exceeded the crime.And I'm...
Beecher:You're what? Sorry? Your honor, you used all your power to crush Me. But the truth is I did kill Kathy Rockwell, and as much as I tried to manipulate the system to get off, I took her life. According to the law, each crime is worth a certain number of Years. You gave me a maximum of fifteen years in this fuckhole. Is that too much? Too harsh? Not Enough? I don't know. You say you're wanted by what you did? Well so am I. If you came here for me to forgive you, you came to the wrong man. He ceased to exist the same day Kathy Rockwell did. You're not get anymore peace out of him than I do out of her.

Hill: I know what you're thinking. "Boy Meets Girl", that's one boring fucking story. It always goes the same way. But there are variations on the theme, like "Boy meets dog, boy loses dog, boy buys new dog" or "girl meets psychiatrist, girl goes to therapy for the next ten years", or in Oz there's always "boy meets boy".

Keller: The way I see it, you and me, we're not like the rest of them. The Muslims, the Homeboys, the Aryans. See, they all got each other. But you and me are sitting out there with our dicks swinging in the wind. We gotta be able to rely on each other. You know, trust each other.
Beecher: It's hard for me to trust people.
Keller: Me too. But we got a long fucking time together, so why don't we see what happens?

Keller: Don't worry. Sooner or later, Beecher'll be mine.

Family Bizness [2.5][edit]

Hill: Families! Our families determine who we are, determine what we're not. How we relate to other people is based on the way we relate to the members of our families. No wonder the world's so fucked up.

Adebisi: Little Nino, when you say things like that, it hurts. I just wanna be friends.
Peter Schibetta: Friends, huh? Okay, pal-o-mine, how's about you go into the kitchen and get me a chocolate bar?

Hill: Because we share the same blood with our family, we can ask them to do anything. Anything ! Lie, cheat, take a bullet. Only, don't ask to borrow their new Lexus. 'Cause then my man, you're crossing the line !

Hill: Every once in a while, I remember something I did when I was a child. Or something that was done to me, by my father, or my brother, or a cousin. Some injury. Some humiliation. And it seems like... it happened to another person, a century or two ago. I'm not really sure if what I remember really took place at all. You can't build your life, relying on the perception of a little boy, or the echos of some memory. Nah. You got to let all that shit go. You gotta start, fresh. Every single day. You have got to start again.

Strange Bedfellows [2.6][edit]

Beecher: I love you.
Keller: I love you, Toby. (they kiss)

Alvarez: El Cid, it's an honor, man.
El Cid: Tu es Latino?
Alvarez: Si.
El Cid: You're lying to me, man. You're too fucking white to be Latino. Get the fuck out of my face.

Animal Farm [2.7][edit]

Hill: Hey Schillinger.
Schillinger: What do you want?
Hill: How much would it cost to mail me out of here?
Schillinger: Mail you? What are you talking about?
Hill: I've been trying to think of ways to get out of here.
Schillinger: Escape from Oz?
Hill: Yeah. And I figured, you know, you could box me up in a crate and mail me to my wife overnight express, Priority Mail, whatever. How much would that cost? Postage, shipping, handling, et cetera?
Schillinger: Are you serious?
Hill: Yeah.
Schillinger: Then you're nuts.
Hill: Is that a no?
Schillinger: Yeah. No. No, yeah, it's a no. Get the fuck out of here before I tip you over.
Hill: All right, Vern, I ain't mad at you. You can't help it if you're ugly and stupid.

Busmalis: Relax. You're suffering from PBS.
Rebadow: PBS?
Busmalis: Pre-Bunny Syndrome. It happens quite often in my line of work. You dig and dig and dig, and just before you have to make like a little bunny and go through the hole, you panic.
Rebadow: This is real? Pre-Bunny Syndrome?
Busmalis: Oh, yeah. I mean, I made the name up, but sure.

Alvarez: They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.
Officer Rivera: The fuck you talking about?
Alvarez: Nice to see you.

Said: Beecher, don't do this.
Beecher: Do what?
Said: Drink.
Beecher: You like to dabble in peoples' lives, huh? Because you're so much better than us, because you've seen the light. You've seen the face of God. So you wave your dick around trying to help us lowly mortals. Hill, Mershah, Groves, Jefferson Keane. Fuck, you helped Jefferson Keane right into a lethal injection. So in the end, when all is said and done, who have you really fucking helped? Other than yourself?
Said: (proudly) Poet.
Beecher: Poet? I just saw on the news, he killed a man. He's coming back to Oz.
Adebisi: Sometimes its good to be Human.

Escape From Oz [2.8][edit]

Rebadow: In all my years at Oz, I've learned one rule: accept the hand you're dealt.

Coushaine: I say we institute a "no swearing" rule.
El Cid: Fuck you.
Hill: Suck my dick.
Wangler: Asswipe.
O'Reily: Cocksucker.
Pancamo: You stupid cunt.
Hoyt: Putz.
McManus: If nobody has anything more intelligent to say, this meeting is adjourned.

Alvarez: (about to slit his own throat) Say a prayer for me, father.

Hill: Everybody wants to escape from Oz. But the truth is, there is no escape. Let's say you manage to sneak out. Then you gotta run and keep running. A life of running away ain't no life at all. Better to deal with where you live. The real measure of a man is not where he lives, but how; how he makes the best of it.

Season Three[edit]

The Truth And Nothing But... [3.1][edit]

Sister Pete: Do you like sex with men?
Keller: I like sex. Don't you?

Hill: The name on the street for the Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary. Only, big news: They've changed the name. It's now called the Oswald State Correctional Facility, level four. I don't know what the difference is. Leo Glynn is still warden, Sister Peter Marie is still in psych, Tim McManus is still unit manager of Emerald City, and I know for damn sure none of us have changed. Beecher is still in the hospital after Schillinger and Keller broke his bones. Alvarez is still in solitary after blinding a CO. Adebisi, still in the loony ward, after changing hats. Maybe it's truth in advertising. Maybe by getting rid of the word "penitentiary" the state is finally admitting that nobody's penitent. Nobody's sorry. Nobody.

O'Reilly: I'd fucking airhole him but he's always got the Aryans or the bikers around him. I just can't get fucking close.
Poet: Unless...
O'Reilly: Unless... Who knew? You think like I do.
Poet: That's a scary thought.

Shirley: Show me your prick.
Richie: What?
Shirley: You show me your prick, and I'll show you my pussy.
Richie: I'm gay.
Shirley: I don't care if you're Portuguese. I don't want to die without ever seeing another prick again. Show me, please show me. (He does) Wow, you must've made some boy very, very happy.

Keller: Look, I know there's no reason for you to believe me, but, um...
Beecher: You're sorry?
Keller: Yeah.
Beecher: And you promise you'll never do it again?

Keller: Hey, fuck you, you fuck.

Hill: Truth is a powerful thing. It can right a wrong, or make a bad thing worse. In Oz the truth is, if the facts don't fit the truth, fuck the facts.

Napoleon's Boney Parts [3.2][edit]

McManus: At Attica, you organized a boxing program, right?
Murphy: Yeah.
McManus: Maybe we could try something like that here.
Murphy: Great, now all we need is time, gloves, and a good insurance policy.

Hill: I used to box.
O'Reily: Where? In the Special Olympics?

Nappa: So Adebisi, how come you want to work in the AIDS ward with all those fags?
Adebisi: You know, it's funny. Out there I hated them, but in here, well, sometimes you need your dick sucked.
Nappa: Yeah, well that's the difference between you and me. I've got some self control.

Schillinger: (upon hearing that Keller was stabbed in the back) Mr. Keller's got about three or four assholes now!

Legs [3.3][edit]

Busmalis: You're a Russian?
Nikolai: Yes.
Busmalis: From Russia?
Nikolai: Yes.
Busmalis: You were born in Russia?
Nikolai: (annoyed) Yes!

Dr. Gloria Nathan: You're HIV-positive.
Nappa: What?!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: I'm sorry.
Nappa: Doctor, that is not possible. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only way to get AIDS is by having sex or sharing a needle. Well I ain't done either and I'm not Asian!

Shirley: What's this thing between you and Vern? Every time he comes in here, you boys snarl at each other.
Richie: It's a long story.
Shirley: I've got no other appointments today.
Richie: That bastard is the reason I'm on Death Row. He and another Aryan creep killed a Russian. Told me if I don't confess to the murder they'd kill me.
Shirley: Death sentence either way.
Richie: Yeah.
Shirley: But if you know you're going to die, why not tell the truth?
Richie: The other one, Mark Mack, is already dead. Besides, why should the hacks listen to me now? I say Schillinger did it, they say prove it. I have no proof.
Shirley: Unless you say you did it together.
Richie: What?
Shirley: Lie. Tell them that you and Vern both killed the Russian.
Richie: How does that help me get off Death Row?
Shirley: It doesn't, hon. But it does ensure his ass will be up here in the cell next to yours. Just something to consider, Richie. Just something to consider.

Beecher: I gotta pray; pray that God shows me the way to fuck Schillinger!

Said: (checking in a new inmate) Number? Number?
Andrew: 9-9-S-3-3-3. (grabs his bedding and walks away)
Said: (to another inmate) That boy's last name. Know what it was? Schillinger.

Unnatural Disasters [3.4][edit]

Officer Mineo: Congratulations! It's a boy! A bouncing, baby boy. Your son arrived yesterday.
Schillinger: Which unit's he in?
Officer Mineo: Your favorite: Emerald City.

Nikolai: When life is good, 'tis better not to question why.

O'Reily: Schillinger hates that his kid uses drugs. Andy's only been here a few days and he's already bought a shitload of tits off me. So I'm saying we let Andy suck on that tit 'til he O.D.s.
Beecher: Or...

Beecher: You got any tattoos?
Andrew: Yeah, a couple. (removes his shirt to reveal a few tattoos)
Beecher: Very nice.
Andrew: How about you?
Beecher: I got one.
Andrew: Yeah? Let me see it.
Beecher: Someday. We don't know each other that well yet.

U.S. Male [3.5][edit]

Officer Clayton Hughes: You understanding me?
Kosygin: Yes.
Officer Clayton Hughes: Well then fucking blink or something.

Busmalis: (regarding Kosygin) I tried talking to him at dinner, and he just stared at me, frozen like the tundra. He scares the living shit out of me.

Andrew: My whole life, crammed into my head, how superior we white folks are. I don't see the truth in that. I look around this room, and all I see are white faces, black faces, every color in between, and the only thing I know for sure is that we are all shit. Shit don't come in degrees. White or black, shit is shit. So fuck everything you believe, fuck everything you stand for, and fuck you!
Schillinger: (slaps Andrew) Don't you talk to me like that!
Andrew: Old man, you hit me way too many times growing up! (attacks Schillinger)

Cruel and Unusual Punishments [3.6][edit]

Kosygin: At last count, I had murdered at least 49 men. You have the honor of being my 50th.

Beecher: I was raised Episcopalian, which means we thought about God an hour once a week. But you, you think about Him all the time.
Said: Yes.
Beecher: Why?
Said: I want to know Him.
Beecher: Me too. I want to know God, and I want Him to know me. I want Him to know that I'm still here. That I'm still stuck in this place.
Said: He knows.
Keller:You see,I am a piece of Shit.Worthless.As bad as They come.So to have someone love Me not matter how bad...There.You happy now I spilled My guts all over Your table?

O'Reily: Word on the street is, you're the most ruthless hitman in Little Odessa. That's gotta mean a lot because you Russian mafia guys are a bunch of crazy fucked-up mother fuckers so I got a job done and I need it done fast. (begins to drop money in his other hand, one bill at a time) Just tell me when to stop.

Napa: What's your name again?
Nat: Nat.
Napa: What's that? Short for Nathaniel?
Nat: (revealing he is a cross-dresser) Short for Natalie.

Secret Identities [3.7][edit]

Hill: 'Know thyself.' That's what Socrates said, or Aristotle, or one of those dead white men. To know one's self; that may be the hardest thing any of us will ever do.

Hill: Clark Kent is the secret identity of Superman. I don't understand why Superman even needed a secret identity. I mean, if I'm invulnerable, all the chicks want me, why do I spend my time disguised as a four-eyed loser? The truth is: Superman's schizophrenic. His super-id is fucking with his super-ego. The man's conflicted, no doubt about it.

(Nappa enters his cell to find Nat in an elegant evening gown)

Nat: Did I over dress?
Nappa: Oh, Jesus. You know, you look a lot like my ex-wife.
Nat: Thanks.
Nappa: That's not a compliment.

Pancamo: In his day, Antonio Nappa was a great man. He was like a father to me. Well, more like an uncle.

Hill: The good citizens of Gotham City have got to be the dumbest fucks on the planet. They got Batman and Robin running around, saving them from the Joker, the Riddler and such. And at the same time they got Bruce Wayne and his ward Dick Grayson in the headlines every day. Batman and Robin, Bruce and Dick. You're telling me not one person put two and two together?

Beecher: I know you're gonna think this is bullshit. But I feel very badly about my part in Andy's death. Losing a kid, there's nothing worse. And I want to make it up to you.
Schillinger: How? How can you ever make it up to me?
Beecher: You have another son. You don't know where he is. Through my partners at my old law office, I could find him.
Schillinger: And that's supposed to even the score? Make everything okay?
Beecher: It's a start.
Schillinger: Beecher, you're crazier than I thought. There's only one way things will ever be alright between us. You DEAD!

Out o' Time [3.8][edit]

Nikolai: We Russians, we are suspicious of everyone.

O'Reily: Khan's braindamaged.
Cyril: No.
O'Reily: Yeah. I saw it when he went down. His eyes went all vacant and shit.
Cyril: You mean, I made him... just like me?
O'Reily: Worse.

Hill:A Bunch of men sit in cells on the brink of a new Year,a new century,a new Millenium.They look into the future and all They can see ahead is themselves sitting in those same cells.Black or white,here We are:On the precipis.We either hang on or We fall off.Together or separately.Its Our choice.Its up to Us.Its up to You and Me

Season Four[edit]

A Cock And Balls Story [4.01][edit]

Murphy: Like a cannibal?
McManus: A cannibal eats somebody else's flesh.
Murphy: So what do you call a guy who eats his own flesh?
McManus: Inventive.

Keller: Oz didn't make you a bitch. You were born one.

Shirley: She was cheating on you?
Moses: Yeah. With her husband.
Shirley: They were married?
Moses: Bitch told me they was through. I don't fuck with another man's wife! I got principles.
Shirley: Oh, I love a man with principles.

McManus: She fell in love with a bobby?
Sister Pete: No, not a bobby, Tim! He's a guard. He guards the queen.
McManus: Well, then I'm sure they'll have a lot in fucking common!

Obituaries [4.02][edit]

Beecher: I don't want to love him, but I do.

O'Reily: A little birdie told me a secret about you and I just came to see if it was true. You got a cell phone?
Nikolai: No.
O'Reily: Oh. Then I guess that's what I get for listening to little birdies. Because if you did have a cell phone, you'd let me borrow it. You'd share, right?
Nikolai: Share? No. Rent, maybe, if I had one, which I don't.
O'Reily: I know. You told me, and I believe you. Because that's just the kind of friendship we have, right?
Nikolai: Right.
O'Reily: So sorry to bother you.
Nikolai: Not a problem.
O'Reily: Bye, Nikolai.

The Bill of Wrongs [4.03][edit]

Morales: I'm a businessman. I like Armani suits, I surf the web.

Morales: You could be an undercover cocksucker. But undercover cocksuckers aren't allowed to use drugs. (lays a line of cocaine)
Pancamo: Enjoy.

El Cid: You know, I want Alvarez dead. I don't know why. It's like this itch that I can't scratch.

Adebisi: I don't like Jamaicans.
Pancamo: You don't like anybody.

Schillinger: I got a job for you to do, for the Brotherhood.
Hank: How much?
Schillinger: How much what?
Hank: How much cash?
Schillinger: $2,000.
Hank: I'm all yours, daddy.

Works of Mercy [4.04][edit]

Querns: Don't fuck with Querns!

Shirley: (the morning of her execution) Woke up with a crick in my neck. Must've slept wrong.
Moses: Maybe stress.
Shirley: In any case, the hangin'll take care of the crick.

Hill:We are merciful because We ourselves want to be saved

Hill:God expects Mercy. He demands it. And yet how much mercy does He show us?

Reporter: Shirley, do you have any thoughts as the hour approaches?
Shirley: Thoughts? Of course I have thoughts, how could I not?
Reporter: Would you share them with us?
Shirley: Sure. I'm wondering why anyone cares what my thoughts are. Sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me. Or my father-in-law rape me. No, it wasn't until I killed my daughter, until I did something horrific that what I think matters. All I wanted was for someone to pay attention and now that they finally are, I see that my life then, or now, isn't worth shit.

Gray Matter [4.05][edit]

Beecher: It's funny, I can't cry. I don't have any tears left.

A Word to the Wise [4.06][edit]

Zanghi: Chucky, are you afraid of dying?
Pancamo: No.
Officer Howell: (knocking on cell door) What the fuck you doing with a cigarette, Pancamo?
Pancamo: Smoking it.
Officer Howell: Put it out, now! Or I'm coming in there.
Pancamo: Now, her I'm afraid of.

Sister Pete: The man's dying, Leo. I think in this case, ending his life would be a blessing.
Warden Glynn: But that's euthanasia. I thought your church was against euthanasia.
Sister Pete: My church is against a lot of things I'm not.

A Town Without Pity [4.07][edit]

Keller: Adebisi and Said, hand-in-hand?
O'Reily: It's the end of the fucking universe.

You Bet Your Life [4.08][edit]

Adebisi: I have everything. Everything I need. Every love satisfied. But it's not enough.

Adebisi: I know you have come here to destroy me.
Said: No, Simon. I want to help you change.
Adebisi: That is what would destroy me. I am what I am just as you are and I do what I do, just as you must.
Said: Does this mean you're going to kill me?
Adebisi: Kill you? I wanna kiss you, because I admire you more than I desire you.

Cyril O'Reilly: We don't choose God. God chooses us.

Keller: All bullshit aside, I want God to pick me.

Adebisi: We are, all of us, bad men. That's what we have in common.

Medium Rare [4.09][edit]

Conversions [4.10][edit]

McManus: Any questions?
Keller: Uh, yes, Mr. McManus, sir! Just how big is your penis?

Omar White: I don't like you.
Guerra: Oh, you don't like me?
Omar White: Yeah, I don't know if it's your hair, the way you look, the way you smell. It's just something about you rubs me the wrong way!
Guerra: Oh yeah? Fuck you, nigger.

(Omar stabs him)

Revenge is Sweet [4.11][edit]

Omar White: Hey, Busmalis! I know your secret.
Busmalis: I have a secret?
Omar White: A little secret about dirt, ya dig?

Keller: You know, sometimes I think I killed all those guys 'cause I wanted to kill the part of me I despise.

Cuts Like a Knife [4.12][edit]

Murphy: If you're so afraid of the work, LoPresti, go back to selling used cars.
McManus: You see?
LoPresti: Don't be an asshole.

O'Reily: If I get old and wrinkled, will you still love me?

Wick: (on the medical testing) Other than the lice, I feel great. Thinking maybe I'm one of the five that got the placebo. (Slumps over and dies)

Keller: I'm telling you Supreme Allah knows we whacked Shemin and Browne and we pinned the murders on him.
O'Reily: How could he? I didn't tell him, you didn't tell him.
Keller: Hey, maybe he figured it out. Both of them were guys Beecher fucked.
O'Reily: So maybe he thinks that you did it, but not me.
Keller: What, are you looking to hang me out to dry, there, O'Reily?
O'Reily: No. Look, maybe I can go see Allah, figure out what he really knows. You can trust me, K-boy.
Keller: I got no other choice.

Supreme Allah: Oz minus Keller and O'Reily equals justice.

Keller: I'll see you.
Beecher: When?
Keller: Back here. Or in heaven.
Beecher: You really think we're gonna get into heaven?
Keller: Ah, you and me together. God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.

Sister Pete: You said you wanted God to choose you but you thought it was too late? It's never too late. God finally did choose you, Chris. And He chose wisely.

Keller: I love the irony: I've gotten away with all those murders I actually committed and here I am confessing to one I'm innocent of.
Schillinger:I need to believe in something.Something besides Hate

Hill: The worst stab wound is the one to the heart. Sure, most people survive it, but the heart is never quite the same. There's always a scar, which is meant, I guess, to remind you that even for a little while, someone made your heart beat faster. And that's a scar you can live with, proudly, all the days of your life.

Blizzard Of 01 [4.13][edit]

Hill: They say that every snowflake is diffrent. But how can they really be sure? I mean, think of all the snowflakes that have fallen all over the world throughout Earth's history. The Law of Averages dictate that at least two of them had to be similar. Like human beings, like the men in Oz, even if they start out unique, they all end up the same.

Redding: I ain't gonna apologize for who I am or what I done, all right? Do I wish things had been diffrent? Sure. Do I wish we'd lived on one of those fancy homes on Kellogg Boulevard? Sure. But I don't hope and I don't dream. I take a shit in this world, I see reality and I make the best of it.

Orpheus Descending [4.14][edit]

Hill: Back in the old Greek times there lived a man named Orpheus. Loved his wife, took it easy on the Ouzo, played a mean guitar. Upstanding guy. So what the almighty gods do? They fucked with him. Made his life Hades. Why? 'Cause that's what those in power do to those of us with none

Hill: Love conquers all? Never has, never will.

Even the Score [4.15][edit]

Yood: (after knocking Howell down a flight of stairs) Maybe I got lucky and she's dead.
Robson: Yo! Sorry about what happened to Leroy Tidd, or Ooga booga, or whatever the fuck you called him.

[Said starts pounding on Robson]

Robson: You fucking nigger!
Said: NIGGER! You wanna see the nigger in me!

[pounding intensifies]

Said: You wanna SEE the nigger in ME!

[continues beating Robson to a pulp]

Robson: [in the hospital] That spade motherfuckin', that cock motherfuck, motherfuckin' NIGGER!

[cut to Muslims]

Arif: The Aryans must be punished. We will NO LONGER tolerate their actions! From now on each and every one if us is on point!

[cut to Aryans]

Schillinger: So Said's nigger ass is in the hole, it looks like Arif's in charge. These motherfuckers are more pissed off than ever. I want you guys to watch each other's backs. Carry weapons from now on. This shit's coming down and it's coming down hard.

Famous Last Words [4.16][edit]

Hughes: I hereby declare this the Republic of Huru! Huru! Huru! Huru!

Season Five[edit]

Visitations [5.1][edit]

Hill: Lots of fine people have sat staring at Prison walls. Socrates, Joan Of Arc, Gandhi. Even our Lord Jesus Christ. He spent the last night of His Life not with holy men but with scum like the kind we got in Oz. One of the last things Jesus did on Earth was to invite a prisoner to join Him in Heaven. He loved that criminal. I say He loved that criminal as much as He loved anyone. Jesus knew in His heart it takes a lot to love a sinner. But the sinner, he needs it all the more.

Laws of Gravity [5.2][edit]

Timmy Kirk: If you're not part of the solution, you're Satan's tool.

Dream A Little Dream of Me [5.3][edit]

Schillinger: You know, I always wondered. Was Adebisi's dick bigger than mine? [scoops up some black grease] You be the judge.

Next Stop, Valhalla [5.4][edit]

Hill: All Vikings were not stupid brutes. They had moments of brilliance. They were such great shipbuilders and sailors that Leif Eriksson and his crew landed in America first. Some say, travelling as far South as New York harbour. Here's where the true brilliance comes in : they took a look, turned around and went home.

Chris Keller: Show me your tits.
Sister Pete: Don't do that.
Chris Keller: Sorry.

Timmy Kirk: I want to become a Roman Catholic again.
Father Ray Mukada: No.
Timmy Kirk: What? You can't refuse me!
Father Ray Mukada: I sure as hell can.

Wheel of Fortune [5.5][edit]

McManus: I'm sorry Rebadow, it's your word against his. The word of a correctional officer against the word of an inmate... who is known to talk to God.

Variety [5.6][edit]

Winthrope: How the mighty hath fallen.
Guenzel: Fuck you faggot.
Schillinger: GUENZEL!
Guenzel: Oh, hi Vern. Your buddies in Emerald City send their regards.
Schillinger: SHUT UP!
Guenzel: But I was just.... [gets bitch-slapped]
Schillinger: Speak when you're spoken to!
[The Aryans drag Guenzel into a broom closet]
Winthrope: Sir. May I watch?
Schillinger: If you don't, how will you ever learn. .

Good Intentions [5.7][edit]

Yood: Don't take any wooden nickels.

Keller: Do you think Jesus was a fag?
Sister Peter Marie: What?
Keller: Do you think Jesus was a fag? It's a legitimate question.
Sister Peter Marie: Are you trying to provoke me? Mock my religion?
Keller: Nope, just looking for a role model. Jesus was divine and human simultaneously, right?
[Sister nods]
Keller: Did the divine part control his sexual appetites? And if so, what chance have I got? I'm not divine, far from it, and I mean all my life anytime I've gotten the urge... I've stuck my cock into any cavity that was open and available.

Impotence [5.8][edit]

Arif: You were right Imam, Allah has punished him for his sins.
[to Robson]
Arif: Hey, how's the mouth?

Season Six[edit]

Dead Man Talking [6.1][edit]

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil [6.2][edit]

O'Reily: Hey Chucky, you've got a minute?
Pancamo: For you O'Reily, I've got only 28 seconds. But the way you double-talk, it should be plenty.

Peter Schibetta: Hi, Chuckie. What do you want to talk about?
Pancamo: Oh, this and that. Life and death. My life...

[draws a shank].......and YOUR DEATH! [kills Schibetta]

Sonata Da Oz [6.3][edit]

A Failure to Communicate [6.4][edit]

4Giveness [6.5][edit]

Hill: A man stands in a cemetery, reading a letter he wrote forgiving his long dead father. The mother of a girl killed by a drunk driver is racked by fantasies of retaliation. Your boyfriend begs you for one more chance. You say to the mirror you're done hating yourself. But you know you're not. Maybe instead of forgive and forget, it should be forgive and remember. Remember that you might have to wake up tomorrow and forgive all over again. And again,and again, the way your heart keeps beating like a drum. Forgive. I can't. You can. Forgive. Forgive. I can't. You can. Forgive.

A Day in the Death... [6.6][edit]

Junkyard Dawgs [6.7][edit]

Guerra: Marriage ain't marriage without sex.

Idzik: So don't you see? Everything that we do, the plans we make, the hopes we have, they're futile. Being good at a job, which I was, building a home, which I did, raising a family...which I had, none of it means anything because no matter how we try, how much we strive and struggle, it'll all come to naught. Life is a waste of time. So, that's why I'm counting on you to kill me. You will, won't you?

Hill: Forget about having too much garbage, too many bottles, cans, watermelon rinds, disposable baby diapers and such. What's really terrifying in terms of the long term health of the planet is toxic waste. Toxic waste, you can't put two worse words together except maybe (pause) nuclear war.

Schillinger: But Beecher knows too much about both of us. He's gotta die.
Keller: Yeah.
Schillinger: I'll deal with it.
Keller: No, I'll kill Beecher.
Schillinger: You?
Keller: Before I whack him, I just wanna fuck him in the ass one more time.

Keller: I concocted this whole god damned thing just to convince you that I'm on the up and up. Now, if I was really siding with Schillinger, Toby, you'd be dead already. But instead...all I really want...is for you to love me again. (Forces a kiss on Beecher)

Torquemada: Miguel Alvarez. I hear you're the man to know.
Alvarez: Whoever told you that was an idiot.

Exeunt Omnes [6.8][edit]

Keller: I couldn't face living the rest of my life in here without you. Don't you see? I did what I did out of love.
Beecher: I loved alcohol. I loved heroin. But I had to put them behind me because they were poison. Death. You... are death. Let me live.

Beecher: If you really love me, then leave me alone.

Torquemada: I have a little confession. You see, I'm a virgin. I've never had sex with man, woman, fish, or fowl.

Torquemada: I don't want to fuck you. That would be too common. I want to be you, Miguel Alvarez.

Alvarez: I am so tired. Tired of the lies, the hope, the emptiness, the fear, the death. I am so fucking tired.

Cyril: (As He is in the Electric Chair and the Hood is pulled over His Face)Mom what happening? What are They doing? Ryan? Ryan!

Schillinger: You're dead, sweetpea.
Schillinger: (realizing Keller switched the shanks) That cocksucker!

McManus: All I know is that the move is temporary. We'll be back someday.

Hill: So, what have we learned? What's the lesson for today? For all the never-ending days and restless nights in Oz? That morality is transient? That virtue cannot exist without violence? That to be honest is to be flawed? That the giving and taking of love both debases and elevates us? That God or Allah or Yahweh has answers to questions we dare not even ask? The story is simple: a man lives in prison and dies. How he dies? That's easy. The who and the why is the complex part. The human part. The only part worth knowing... Peace.

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

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