(Redirected from PONTYPOOL)
Grant Mazzy 
- Mrs. French's cat is missing. The signs are posted all over town. "Have you seen Honey?" We've all seen the posters, but nobody has seen Honey the cat. Nobody. Until last Thursday morning, when Miss Colette Piscine swerved her car to miss Honey the cat as she drove across a bridge. Well this bridge, now slightly damaged, is a bit of a local treasure and even has its own fancy name; Pont de Flaque. Now Collette, that sounds like Culotte. That's Panty in French. And Piscine means Pool. Panty pool. Flaque also means pool in French, so Colete Piscine, in French Panty Pool, drives over the Pont de Flaque, the Pont de Pool if you will, to avoid hitting Mrs. French's cat that has been missing in Pontypool. Pontypool. Pontypool. Panty pool. Pont de Flaque. What does it mean? Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory that he used to explain the strange coincidences in the aftermath of the JFK assasination. In the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details they spasm for a moment; they sort of unlock and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birthdates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to eachother. It's a ripple effect. So, what does it mean? Well... it means something's going to happen. Something big. But then, something's always about to happen.
- It's not the end of the world, it's just the end of the day.
Sydney Briar 
- We're not talking, I'm drunk. This is how my last relationship ended.
- Oh, God. You're gonna eat me soon, aren't you?
- Grant Mazzy: [On air] Now, in our top story of today, a big, cold, dull, dark, white, empty, never-ending blow my brains out, seasonal affective disorder freaking kill me now weather-front, that'll last all day - or maybe - when the wind shifts later on, we'll get a little greenhouse gas relief from the industrial south. HAIL MARY, yea though I walk - we go to Ken Loney - in the Sunshine chopper.
- Ken Loney: [Over speaker] It's always brighter above the clouds Grant!
- Words lose their meaning when you repeat them.
- Shut up or die.
- Stephen McHattie – Grant Mazzy
- Lisa Houle – Sydney Briar
- Georgina Reilly – Laurel-Ann Drummond
- Hrant Alianak – Dr. Mendez
- Rick Roberts – Ken Loney
- Boyd Banks – Jay (Osama)
- Tony Burgess – Tony (Lawrence)