Phyllis Diller
From Wikiquote
Phyllis Diller (born Phyllis Ada Driver on 1917-07-17) is a Golden Globe-nominated American comedian who is considered one of the pioneers of female stand-up comedy.
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- Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.
- Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
- Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- I buried a lot of my ironing in the backyard.
- If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."
- It's a good thing beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
- Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
- When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I go just for an estimate.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
