Ratchet & Clank series
Ratchet & Clank is a video game series for the PlayStation 2, 3 and Portable. The games are 3D platformers developed by Insomniac Games and High Impact Games and published by Sony.
- 1 Ratchet & Clank
- 2 Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
- 3 Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal
- 4 Ratchet: Deadlocked
- 5 Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters
- 6 Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction
- 7 Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty
- 8 Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
- 9 Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One
- 10 External links
Ratchet & Clank
- (Chairman Drek is announcing his prerecorded eviction message to planet Novalis)
- Chairman Drek: Hello, citizens of- (camera switches to an image of planet Novalis, then back to Drek) My race the Blarg have a small problem. Our planet has become so polluted, overpopulated, and poisonous that we are no longer able to dwell here. But I, Chairman Drek, have a solution. We are constructing a pristine new world using the choicest planetary components available. So what does this mean to you, you might ask? Using highly-sophisticated technology, which you couldn't possibly understand, we will be extracting a large portion of your planet and adding it to our new one. Unfortunately, this change in mass will cause your planet to spin out of control and drift into the sun which will explode into a flaming ball of gas, but, of course, sacrifices must be made. Thank you for your cooperation.
- Cameraman: Cut!
- Drek: And if you don't like it, you can take your whiny, sniveling, snot-nosed populations, form a line behind me, and kiss my- (notices the recording is still on) We're still on? (turns his head to his right, shouts at someone (who is off-screen)) Well, turn it off, you idiot!
- Plumber: (bend over, with his behind facing Ratchet and Clank) Dadblast it!
Ratchet (To Clank): Look, plumber's crack
Plumber: (standing up and turning to face the two) What did you just say?
Ratchet: I said "Look, the plumber's back!"
Plumber: Alright wise guy, aren't you supposed to be on one of those escape transports?
Ratchet: Escape transports?
Plumber: News flash! Giant robots attacking! The escape transports are taking all the rich folk off this galdarn planet.
Ratchet: So why aren't you on one?
Plumber: Socioeconomic disparity.
Clank: (To Ratchet) He hasn't got enough bolts.
- Skidd McMarx: Anyway, I'm having trouble getting back to my ship...(Sees Sandsharks) err...due to my, sprained ankle.
Ratchet: Oh, come on.
- Captain Qwark (Battling Ratchet):
- Y'no, Ratchet. I'm doing this for your own good.
- Here's a little something from me...to you.
- Oh yeah!
- Ha, ha!
- Take that!
- Am I good or what?
- Did you feel that, punk?
- Oh yeah! I'm the man!
- Nice shot, kid. I owe you one.
- Pretty good! For a beginner!
- Owww! Now why would you do anything like that?
- Ahh, that's a scratch. It joined me in my first space battle when I was a small product.
- Why you son of a *****!
- Ratchet meet missiles. Missiles meet Ratchet!
- Okay, you had your fun. Now it's my turn!
- Time to get up close and personal.
- Let's have a little face time.
- Owwww! Enough practicing! Let's have some fun!
- Why those buffons? They couldn't shoot the broad side of my fitness trainer!
- Well it looks like if you want a job done right, you got to do it yourself.
- Thank you, thank you! Tonight, we'll be rebroadcast at 7 on channel 4,073.
- All the day's work.
- Well...that was easy.
- And that my friend is the end of that.
- Look, mister! You're in big trouble! BIG TROUBLE!
- You think you got me, huh? Catch me if you can!
- Hey, Ratchet buddy old pal! He he why don't we just it a day? D-d-do you there?
- Oh...I always liked you kiddo. I was just so unhearted.
- Uhhhh. Mayday! MAYDAY! Well, Ratchet. I'd say you passed the test!
- Hah, hah. Oh boy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. (yells as his ship crashes down to Oltanis)
- Plumber: (Gives Ratchet infobot and jumps down sewer pipe) Geronimo!
Ratchet: Did he just slide down that sewer pipe?
- Ratchet: If I can get that, I can get past those robot guards.
Clank: Robots are not so easily fooled.
Ratchet: (trying to trick Clank) Ahh! What's that?
Clank: (falling for the trick, Clank turns his head) What?
Ratchet: (knowing he has fooled Clank) Uh huh...
- Drek: You really are an idiot.
Drek: You're to take that shuttle to the moon base and ambust the two miscrients when they arrive.
Qwark: Oh yeah. Who were they again?
Drek: AARRRGGGHH! Those two! (Points at a wanted poster showing Ratchet and Clank.)
- Drek: Did you get rid of them?
Qwark: Yes.......no. Well, I had this plan and I thought....
Drek: You thought? You thought?! I do the thinking around here you slugbrain idiot! I simply ordered you to deal with those two nuisances before they could cause any trouble! Do you still want to be my highly-paid spokesman of my new planet?
Drek: Then the next time I tell you to do a job, I want RESULTS! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
- (In Gadgetron showroom) :Gadgetron has showrooms located on every inhabited planet in the galaxy. Even one on the uninhabited swamp planet of Bogia 4. We don't know exactly how that one got there. Engineering blames marketing, marketing blames legal, and legal has been at a 'conference' on planet Bahamia for six months and they don't return our calls.
- Clank: (After Helga says she will make Ratchet and Clank pay for the prize for "Disgracing" the course) But that prize is ours from the captain. That's not fair.
Helga: (Tuts) Too bad, life's not fair.
Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
- Interviewer: Welcome back to Behind the Hero, tonight's heroes are the duo who recently restored peace and order to our galaxy: Ratchet & Clank. So gentlemen, tell us about your latest incredible adventures.
- Ratchet: Well as you can image, we've been pretty busy: After Drek's defeat there were parades, press conferences, fancy dress balls...
- Clank: ...and the wiener roast at Al's.
- Ratchet: Oh yeah that. And then, things started to slow down a bit. After that we... well...
- Clank: There was the grand opening at Groovy Lube.
- Ratchet: Right. I think that was..last week.
- Clank: (Correcting Ratchet) Six months ago.
- Ratchet: We're still pretty busy, but in a more, uh, domestic sense.
- Clank: Yesterday, I flushed out my radiator core.
- Ratchet: I guess... no one needs a hero right now...
- Thief: [Points a gun at Ratchet] I see it's time to update my security forces.
- Ratchet: (panicking) Whoa-hoho, no, hey, no, no, look, I'm just here to fix the... trans... flex-er-coil.
- Thief: Nice try. Give my regards to Megacorp.
- Thief: You have no idea what you're involved in. Return to your own galaxy immendially, or this will happen to you! [Hits button, nothing happens, less confidently] Or this will happen to you? (Presses other button which short-circuits Clank) Farewell.
- (Thief calls Thugs-4-Less)
- Thug Leader: Thugs-4-Less, if it ain't broke, we'll break it.
- Thief: Riiight...
- Ratchet: (Seeing Clank unconscious) Clank don't... uh... move, I'm coming down! (Thief comes from behind and pushes Ratchet off the ledge)
- Ratchet: Son of a Qwark!
- [Angela ducks down to not be seen by Thug Leader but sneezes]
- Thug Leader: Who's there?
- Angela: Meow.
- Thug Leader: Awww... Hey, wait a second...
- Ratchet: Did you see that?
- Clank: Yes. Angela knows how to defeat the Protopet.
- Clank: And she does a terrible cat impression?
- Ratchet: And we have to rescue her from the thugs!
- Clank: Agreed. We need that answer.
Ratchet: AND WE HAVE TO PROTECT HER!
- Clank: Okay...
- Thug Leader: This message is for all Thugs-4-Less personnel. Ehh... Megacorp has hired us to protect their C.E.O., Mr. Fizzwidget, (Holds up vid-screen showing a picture of Mr. Fizzwidget) who they think is getting a little "cuckoo" in his old age and concerned for his safety. (Lowers the vid-screen away) Now, Mr. Fizzwidget's a little old-fashioned, so I want everything handled with the... ahem... (spits) pride and courtesy; people have come to expect from us. Also, keep an eye out for these two characters. (Another vid-screen is shown, this one shows Ratchet and Clank) I've got a personal interest in seeing these two rubbed out. so, I'm offering a free pizza party to the squad that bags 'em. And remember, that includes drinks and desserts!
- Gadgetron Matron: (Breaks wind) Ooh! Excuse me! I think I just blew another vacuum tube!
- Ratchet: Should I take a look?
- Gadgetron Matron: My word! You young people are so fresh these days!
- Announcer: Ask yourself, are you man enough, hero enough, insane enough to step into the ring with two of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy? If you answered yes, you're a big fat liar!
- Galactic Greetings Voice: Hello,...
- Angela: Ratchet and Clank.
- Galactic Greetings Voice: You lucky devils!
- Angela: Angela Cross.
- Galactic Greetings Voice: Has just sent you: a galactic greeting!
- Angela: Guys! If you get this message, please meet me on my home world. Just so you know, I've found my old ID badge. (Three Protopets appear, catching Angela's attention) I'm pretty sure we can still use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ (As she says "I'm pretty sure we still can use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ", Angela bends down (almost off-screen), making a snowball and then stands up) but you're gonna have to hurry! (Throws the snowball at one of the Protopets, causing the other two to hide off-screen. Angela then catches her breath) Before the Protopets completely OVERRUN US!!! Oh, and sorry for the balloon-a-gram, it was the only thing I could get off this plan- (The two Protopets peak out from where they are hiding and one of them growls at Angela as she speaks, Angela then gets cut off)
- Galactic Greetings Voice: We hope you enjoyed your galactic greeting!
- [After Angela shows Ratchet and Clank a vid-screen about the Megacorp factory]
- Angela: That'll shut them down, permanently [Hands Clank a card]
- Clank: A 20% discount at Groovy Lube?
- Angela: Ooooops! Wrong one.
- Clank: It says: "In case of emergency, break glass to get wrench" (Ratchet prepares to break the glass with his wrench) Hold on! This one says "Use rock to break glass to get wrench to break glass to get rock". Ooh! I love logic puzzles! Let's see... "If you break the glass with the-"
- Ratchet: (Having already broken the glass and holding the new wrench) Solved it.
- [Protopet Commercial]
- Announcer: Why is Billy sad? [Billy cries] Is he cold? Hungry? Or maybe just...(The Protopet comes on-screen up to Billy)
- Billy: (Scared) Oh no, no-no-no, take it away!
- Announcer: ...LONELY!
- Billy: NOOOOOO!
- Announcer: Introducing the Megacorp Protopet. Your child will shriek with joy when he meets our adorable friend! (The Protopet gets closer to Billy) Wanna play ball? (Billy throws the ball at the Protopet which it swallows, then spits it out back at Billy with twice the force, knocking him over) So does the Protopet. Need a partner for tag? (The Protopet starts to chase Billy who is screaming in fear) Go find the Protopet. Up for some Cops 'n' Robbers? (Protopet pins down Billy)
- Billy: HELP, PLEASE!!
- Announcer: So is you-know-who! Just ask Billy! (The Protopet spins around with Billy in its mouth and then spits him towards a tree)
- Billy: (Screaming) NOOOOO!!!!!! (Lands on one of the roots of the tree)
Announcer: The new Megacorp Protopet. Stop by Planet Boldan and get yours FREE! From Abercrombie Fizzwidget himself. [Commercial ends]
- Ratchet: You mean that thing is going to be a pet?!
- Clank: Megacorp intends to market a killer! [looks sad] That is simply... [suddenly looks angry] unconscionable.
- (Protopet Commercial)
- Robot Child: Mommy, where do Protopets come from?
- Robot Mother: Why... they come from Megacorp, dear!
- Announcer: That's right, Mrs. Robot!
Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal
- Man: I seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt nekkid, screaming and hold a banana'r! Or... or maybe it weren't a banana'r. It... it could be-
- Narrator: One of nature's mysteries!
- Darla Gratch: Captain Qwark, first you make a miraculous comeback, and now you've defeated the Tyhrrannoids in a spectacular battle on their own planet! How do you explain your recent success?? (as she speaks, Ratchet regains his strength from the fight with the Momma Tyhrranoid and notices Darla talking to Qwark. He then looks like he wants to explain what has really happened.)
- Qwark: Compassion, dashing good looks, IRON! HARD! ABS! (Darla turns her head away in response to Qwark's answer) But seriously though, to be a true hero of heroes, (Possibly unaware, Qwark knocks over Darla who yelps) you need more than just loads of charisma and a brilliant tactical mind. I couldn't have done it without...(Ratchet looks hopeful) THESE MASSIVE GUNS! (Pretends to kiss his imaginary guns , Ratchet face palms).
- Clank: It seems this terminal was recently used to edit one of her music videos.
- Ratchet: Ohh! Let's watch it! (notices Clank looking at him) I... uh... mean it...uh might contain a clue... or something.
- Qwark: First, Ratchet and Clank will descend to the Seafloor and wave through a series of tunnels filled with waist-high raw sewage.
- Ratchet: WHAT!?
- Qwark: Please hold your questions 'til the end of the presentation. After infiltrating the base, our agents will split up. Clank will enter the base's ventalation system where he will locate and deploy this Banana Guided Autonomous Monkey Device or B.G.A.M.D.. Meanwhile, Ratchet will use his extensive knowledge of the Tyhranoid language and customs to win the trust of the blood-thirsty alien guards. Finally, our agents will make their way to Nefarious' personal office, steal everything that isn't nailed down, and exfiltrate the base completly undetected.
- [Courtney Gears' Music video]
- I see a future
- what do I see?
Robots going crazy 'cross the galaxy.
- Can't stand organics, they're soft and squishy.
- The time is now, we robots must be free!
- You want to be free?
- Then shout with me!
- This goes out to all you robots 'cross the galaxy.
- It's time for you and me to rise up and strike back.
- Don't stop until we dominate
- Won't you feel great?
- When we exterminate
- All organic life!
- Qwark: [Skrunch grunts] I thought we agreed to put that jungle business behind us. [Skrunch grunts] It was mating season, how could I have known she was your sister?! [Sees Ratchet and Klunk] Errr... how long have you two been standing there?
- Klunk: Too long.
- Ratchet: Skidd? What are you doing here?
- Skidd McMarxx: My codename is 'Shadow Dude', bro. Black Ops are my speciality. I figured you guys could use my help.
- Ratchet: Err... thanks,... "Shadow Dude",... but I think we've got this one covered.
- Skidd McMarxx All right... I'll just take my Hacker and go back to the ship.
- Ratchet: Hacker! Oh well, you know on second thought, we'd like you to join the mission, "Shadow Dude".
- Skidd McMarxx: Awesome, this is gonna be sick!
- Dr. Nefarious: That moron could never hope to compete with the likes of me!
- Lawrence: If anyone could beat a moron at his own game, it's you, sir.
- Ratchet: [to Klunk] Look Clank, there's Dr. Nefarious. And that butler guy. And they've got Clank! (sounds nervous) They're er, holding you prisoner... [pause] How about that? [Klunk laughs]. I guess I should be feeling pret-ty stupid right now. I don't suppose there's any chance he's the evil Clank? [Klunk laughs evilly as his eyes turn red] Yeah. Didn't think so.
- (During Mission Thunderbolt on Thyrranosis, while Ratchet is in Hovership)
- Galactic Ranger 1: Okay, does anyone have any ideas on how we can shut down this force field?
- Galactic Ranger 2: Hey H26, why don't you try sticking your finger in the power transformer?
- Galactic Ranger H26: Are you sure that's a good idea sir? This thing looks pretty dangerous...
- Galactic Ranger 2: Suck it up 26! You have nothing to worry about. I have special training building electronic err, thingamijigs...
- Galactic Ranger H26: Okay, here it goes...
- (sounds of H26 getting electrocuted)
- Galactic Ranger 1: H26 comeback! Come on!
- Galactic Ranger 3: Err, H26 has been, vaporized sir. But the force field has been deactivated!
- Galactic Ranger 1: All right! That trooper deserves a medal.
- Skidd McMarxx: [to himself] How do you work this camera whatchamacallit? Whoops. That's a bummer. Ouch! Hey, Ratchet, what's up?
- Ratchet: Hi, Skidd. Can we talk to Sasha?
- Skidd McMarxx: Sasha and Qwark are meeting with the president, man, they left me in charge of the ship!
- Ratchet: WHAT?! I mean, I see... Well, is Al there?
- Skidd McMarxx: He's out to lunch.
- Ratchet: Helga?
- Skidd McMarxx: In the sauna!
- Clank/Klunk: Qwark's monkey, perhaps?
- Dr. Nefarious: The famous Captain Qwark could not possible be this stupid, could he?
- Lawrence: Even drooling imbeciles can achieve succes in certain fields, sir. Mad Science, for example.
- Ratchet: C'mon, Qwark, hurry up!
- Klunk: We must leave now! [Skrunch grunts]
- Ratchet: Not without Qwark! He would have waited for us... I think.
- Klunk: Good for him. [Launches the ship]
- Ratchet: WAIT!
- Ratchet: [Ratchet's speech after Qwark's "death"] Captain Qwark had so many, um, er... wonderful qualities, I just don't know were to begin.
- Klunk: Such as...?
- Ratchet: Oh, er, OK, he was really, tall, and um, he had a unique, fashion sense, and he had a really big chin, with kind of, sort of a, well you know a butt shape, er... Well you know, I think I've droned on long enough... [Zips off the stage and goes off-screen]
- Ratchet: Hey, it's Al! Got the shields up yet?
- Big Al: Silence! I am concentrating!
Ratchet: What the... that's a Qwark vid-comic!
- Big Al: Excuse me... it is a historically accurate interactive graphic novel.
- Ratchet: How can you use the city's defense network to play a video game?
- Big Al: Simple. I bypass the security server with a 626 hack matrix adapter and reprocess the graphic sub-processor.
- Ratchet: No, I mean...[sighs] Clank... you speak "nerd".
- Clank: It appears you have a feedback loop in the induction coils of your DB3 signal processor.
- Big Al: Impossible! I ran recursive checks on the signal matrix! [starts typing] Hey, there is a feedback loop! [starts typing vigorously]
- Clank: May we borrow this vid-comic?
- Al:Treat it gently! It is the first edition.
- Clank: perhaps this will restore Qwark's memory.
- Computer: Shield power restored. [Al wipes sweat off his forehead and mouths a 'phew']
- [After Ratchet completes the fitness course]
- Ratchet: Alright we'll just pick up the gadgets and split.
- Helga: Oh, the little man is cocky now ho ho ho. Perhaps you'd like to meet Helga on the wrestling mat hmm. Let's see how cocky you are, twisted up like a wet noodle.
- Ratchet: Maybe next time.
- Helga: Pansies! (tosses the Hypershot and Hacker to Ratchet, who catches them)
- Ratchet: Wow look at this, the complete Secret Agent Clank holo-vid collection. This guy's your biggest fan!
- Clank: [Turns the chair around to see an entire bookcase full of holo-vids] That is rather...disturbing...
- [Ratchet, Clank and the Q-Force finish watching Qwark's new plan]
- Qwark: Alright, let's get to it! [Ratchet raises his hand] Yes... you there in the front.
- Ratchet: Yeah, hi, umm... I was just wondering, what are the rest of you gonna be doing while I'm down there getting blasted?
- Qwark: We'll be,... uh, monitoring the situation! Closely,...from here. [Leans in to whisper to Helga] Actually we'll be down at the lunch buffet on Deck 5. It's Meatloaf Day! [Faces Ratchet again] But we'll be rooting for you every step of the way!
- Klunk: [After Ratchet defeats Courtney Gears] One disposable pop star, disposed. [Laughs]
- A24: This reminds me of the sewer war on Planet Aquatos back in '62. When I killed a King Ameboid with my bare hands.
- A22: I heard the ameboid swallowed you, sir. I hear that you were AWOL until you...uhh....were found a week later floating in a toilet on Planet Barien.
- A24: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, AGENT 22! YOU WEREN'T THERE, YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT IT!
- A21: Uh..I heard the same story. Only I heard it was more like 2 weeks.
- A24: Ahem-all units maintain radio silence.
- Klunk: [While the president holds a speech about Qwark] What a load of bullsh- [Ratchet hits him]
- Comic Narrator: These are the real life adventures of Captain Qwark, the greatest superhero the galaxy has ever known.
- Captain Qwark: Hey... is this thing on?
- Comic Narrator: Ahem... Meticulously reconstructed with the aid of eyewitness accounts, bathroom gossip, wild speculations, and a magic eight-ball.
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: Note to self: never mess with a trigger-happy Lombax.
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: Lets turn up the heat down there!
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: He's got sharp teeth too, I wonder if he bites.
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: This Lombax clearly had a rough childhood folks!
- Starport Tannoy: Welcome to the Zeldrin Starport. Due to increased security, thermonuclear warheads and nail clippers are no longer permitted as carry-on baggage.
- Starport Tannoy: Loitering in the starport is strictly forbidden. Offenders will be disintegrated and fined.
- Starport Tannoy: All organic lifeforms must be kept on a leash at all times.
- Leviathan Computer: [After Nefarious presses button] Auto-destruct sequence initiated. Prepare to die.
- Biobliterator Computer: [After defeating Nefarious] Warning, Reactor detonation in 60 seconds.
- Dr. Nefarious: Lawrence, engage the teleporter.
- Lawrence: Would you care to specify a destination, sir?
- Dr. Nefarious: Who cares? Just get us out of here!
- Biobliterator Computer: Time's up!
- Dr. Nefarious: What?! THAT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO 60 SECONDS!!!
- Biobliterator Computer: Buh-bye. [Nefarious and Lawrence look alarmed, the Biobliterator then explodes]
- Dr. Nefarious: What do you mean we can't teleport to a planet?
- Lawrence: I'm afraid we're well out of range, sir. Perhaps if you had bothered to specify a destination...
- Dr. Nefarious: When will we be in range?
- Lawrence: Oh, I'm sure something will come along, in say, five or ten thousand years.
- Dr. Nefarious: [frustrated yell] I don't believe this! [Sits down, Lawrence strums his guitar briefly] Now what?
- Lawrence: I don't suppose you can play drums?
- Dr. Nefarious: [Screaming loudly]LAWWWWRRREEENNNCCCCEEE!
- Dr. Nefarious: To think, they called me insane, Lawrence. We'll see who's insane...when my pets have exterminated all life on this miserable planet!
- Lawrence: That should clear things right up, sir.
- Dr. Nefarious: How do you like my creation, Clank? I call him... "Klunk". Your dopey friend seems to be quite fond of him. Say, maybe they'll change your show to Secret Agent Klunk! [laughs evilly] Did you hear that, Lawrence?!
- Lawrence: You put the wit in twit, sir.
- Dr. Nefarious: Yes I do, don't I? [laughs maniacally and stamps his feet while turning around in a full circle]
- Slim Cognito: Well, if it ain't two of my best customers.
- Ratchet: Slim Cognito? What are you doing down here?
- Slim Cognito: I had a small run-in with the cops Concerning a Suck Cannon upgrade that was mistakenly sold to a minor. [Clank frowns dissaprovingly] I swear the kid looked eighteen!
- Dallas: Since I don't have much time left, I'd just like to apologize to a few people. Timmy Aberdeen, I was the one who lit your backpack on fire, and I'm sorry that you couldn't get it off in time.
Susie Binkleton, I was the one who put the tyhrranoid in your locker. Hey, but I hear the therapy is going well, though. Chin up, kid!
And finally to you, Juanita, my dear, sweet Juanita. I'm sorry for six years of rude jokes, harassing innuendo, and those friendly little pinches in the elevator. But who am I kidding you, you love it!
- Al: I got them off of a former contestant who...um...won't be needing them any more.
Merc: Don't worry boss, you won't end up like that last guy.
Green: I hope not, I still have nightmares about it.
Merc: (annoyed) Aww, suck it up, Green!
- Ratchet: (infuriated) ...me out of this you Blarg-headed frak monkey! I can barely breathe and my tail feels like it's shoved right up my-"
- Vox: Greetings, hero, and welcome to DreadZone. Rest assured, you are now far out of the reach of hope. There will be no rescues, no pardons, no possibility of escape. You are now a contestant on the greatest holo-vision program the galaxy has ever known. Chances are you'll be dead by tomorrow, but those of you who play the game with skill and strategy will earn a chance to win your freedom.
- Vox: (Over PA system) High levels of radiation have been detected in the containment area. If you reside next to or near Uranium Man, you will die shortly.
- Vox:(Over PA system) For everyone to enjoy it, please keep the interplanetary transport as clean as possible. After all, your mother does not work here...oh, except for you, Captain Nightingale.
- Green (When hovership is damaged) Sir, um... I'm seeing parts of this fly off that we, uh, kinda need.
- Green: (When hovership is damaged) We can't take much more of this, we don't have the power!
- Merc: (When hovership is damaged) Does this have airbags? Please tell me it has airbags.
- Green: (Whimpering after seeing a robot zombie on Catacrom Four)
Merc: Whats the matter Green?
Green: It's that dead robot over there, sir. I think it moved.
- Green: (sarcastically) Zombies, dead ahead! Er, no pun intended sir.
- Merc: Hey, Green, that zombie looks like your momma!
- Merc: (On grindrail) Whoa...I guess this is a bad time to say I'm afraid of heights.
- Merc: Aw, I see an itty-bitty turret. Boss, can I blow it up? Pretty please?
- Merc: (offended) Hey, What did you do to that VG-9000 I was playing?
Al: I figured we needed space for more useful things. Plus, you were getting too near my high score in Ozaark's Revenge.
- Merc: (After getting to the top of the Valix beacon) It's so bright! It's...like a lightbulb, but...so much brighter! Uhhh...I'm not good with words.
- Merc: (Voiceover in multiplayer) Gravity boots are our way of saying "Screw you, nature." You can walk magnetic walls and ceilings, you can even scare your momma. I don't care!
- Merc: Boss, if you miss that swingshot target, you will suffer a horrible, painful death. No pressure, though.
- Dallas: Ladies and gentlemen, I am beside myself, and boy do I look good!
- Dallas: See, this is what they mean by gratuitous violence, Juanita. I'm going to call my kids and tell them to stop watching! ...Just as soon as I have kids.
- Juanita: I can't look, is Team Darkstar dead?! Dallas...Dallas?! What are you doing?!
Dallas: Nothing, just keep your eyes closed...OW!
- Dallas: This is more fun than a bus-load of cheerleaders!
- Dallas: They have to traverse what I like to call the "Chasm of Endless Falling and Eventual Dying". Good luck kids!
- Dallas: In this challenge, Team Darkstar needs to grind a cable positioned hundreds of feet above the water! Is this even safe? Of course not! This is DreadZone, baby!
- Dallas: Ratchet is kicking some proverbial butt. By proverbial, I mean...I don't know what I mean.
Merc: It means we're unstoppable.
- Dallas: Oh, this could be disaster for Team Darkstar! I put 500 bolts on this match!
Juanita: Dallas, our lives are at risk and you're gambling?!
Dallas: Oh, Juanita, don't act like you care! YOU...NEVER...CARED! OH YEAH, THERE WE GO! I POPPED A BLOOD VESSEL...AGAIN! Um, could someone please get me a tissue?
- Juanita: That's right. Take him out, Team Darkstar! Destroy him, destroy his family, make him cry into his next life! Draaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Dallas I've never seen that before! Ladies and gentlemen, Juanita has eaten the cameraman!
- Dallas: And they're gonna be squashed like pancakes! With syrup, and butter, and jam, and a little orange garnish on top and--say, can I have breakfast for dinner or is that just weird?
- Dallas: And that lombax is terminating with extreme prejudice! It's a good thing we're out of range, eh, Juanita? We are out of range, aren't we?
- Dallas: Folks, just a reminder. Tomorrow is Kick Your Best Friend in the Pants Day! Free popcorn for everyone who participates.
- Dallas: This guy's gonna get us a lot of commercial time, Juanita. Let's just hope we don't have any more wardrobe malfunctions! (Laughs)
- Dallas: Team Darkstar is making their mark in DreadZone! Team Markstar is making their dark in RedZone! Oh, dear, I've gone cross-eyed...
- Dallas: (In the Dark Cathedral of Kronos) It's cold, it's dank, it's scary, it's just like my ex-wife!
- Dallas: Interesting fact, folks, DreadZone started over two guys fighting over a breakfast burrito, and the rest is history!
- Dallas: Ratchet's about to bite the bag and step out the door. That means die.
- Dallas: (When the Puma is damaged) Hey, don't scratch the paint on that Puma. We're giving it away on bingo night!
- Dallas: After making his fortune selling cigarettes to children, Ratchet went on to pilot a tanker ship for planet Zexxon.
Juanita: Only a week later he got drunk and crashed his tanker on the ocean planet of Aquatos. Who can forget the graphic images of baby seals smothered in radioactive waste? (Sound of baby seal) Little Coco, never had a chance.
Al (To Ratchet) How could you! (Grabs him) What did Little Coco ever do to you?!
Ratchet: Wh, what?
Clank: Al, how can you believe these ridiculous lies?
- Clank: Excellent work, Team Darkstar.
Merc: Ya can't stop a leatherneck, we adapt and survive.
- Dallas: If Ratchet was a tough cookie, what kind of cookie would he be? I'm gonna have to go with "snickerdoodle".
- Dallas: (Nervously) Greetings, DreadZone fans, and welcome to the final episode of DreadZone...(Head flops into hands) Oh God...we're all gonna die! (Hides beneath desk)
Juanita: The mood is...positively...uh, electric, as the audience braces to find out whether they will survive...the next ten minutes. I can't believe I'm reading this.
Dallas: I had my whole life ahead of me...I was gonna be a...ballet dancer!
Juanita: Pull yourself together, you blabbering idiot! (Slaps him across the face, hard)
Dallas: Thank you, Juanita.
- Juanita: This reminds me of the Galaxy's Most Painful Home Movies, I love the part where they miss the jump and smash their crotches on the railing, so wacky!
- Juanita: This creature is clearly much too dangerous to be set free! He must be destroyed!
- Juanita: (Excited) His bots are down! He's gonna die!
- Shellshock: Initiating annihilation program!
- Shellshock: Target acquired! Terminating with extreme prejudice!
- Shellshock: (performing shockwave move) I call this one my "Dishonorable Discharge".
- Reactor: I'm gonna smack that stupid look off ya' face.
- Reactor: This is MY house!
- Ace Hardlight: This is as far as you go, lombax. I'm the star here.
- Ace Hardlight: Hey lombax, you feel lucky?
- Ace Hardlight: (firing homing missile) Now you'll see why they call me "The Great One".
- Ace Hardlight: Let's see whose action figure they'll buy now, lombax.
- Ace Hardlight: You're gonna pay for that, you little rodent.
- Ace Hardlight: I should've killed you a long time ago, runt!
- Ace Hardlight: Must...fight! Ignore...pain.
- Ace Hardlight: Hey, I'm out of medpacks...not that I need them.
- Ace Hardlight: And now, for my finishing move!
- Ranking Machine: Does it bother you that you are shorter than most heroes?
- Ranking Machine: My circuits can no longer process stats of this magnitude.
- Ranking Machine: I am surprised you are still alive.
- Ranking Machine: If you believe there is an error in your score, please realize you are not that good.
- Ranking Machine: Your ranking appears to be that of a contestant twice your size.
- Ranking Machine: Your heroic presence rattles my friction sensors.
- Ranking Machine: Attention: Something small and furry has walked into the ranking station. Oh, it's you Ratchet.
- Ranking Machine: You are furry, much like a captive affection recipient. Or a pet.
- Ranking Machine: I am unworthy to be in your presence, hero.
- Dr. Nefarious: Huh? Lawrence, what's going on? You said that we were coming within range of a space station!
Lawrence: Well, we were, sir. How would I know that it would suddenly explode?
Dr. Nefarious: LLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCEEEEE!
Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters
- Ratchet: Well, I do have a massage scheduled in 15 minutes but... oh, what the heck!
- Ratchet: Looks like I'm gonna be late for my massage! Let's go!
- Ratchet: (In his dream) Hey, it's not your fault, I can be too stubborn sometimes.
Clank: You can hear me?
Ratchet: (In his dream) Uh, yeah, You're standing right here!
- Ratchet: There's Luna, let's get her!
- Clank: Ratchet, don't you notice something strange about Luna?
Ratchet: Well, it's weird that she has a huge door in the back of her head.
- Clank: And why is that?
- Ratchet: Well... uh... because she's a robot?
- Clank: Exactly. I believe the Technomites had deceived us from the beginning. I only do not know why.
- Ratchet: Well I bet those Technomites inside her head know. [Luna flies away]
- Clank: We will have to catch her first.
- Luna: So, the courageous superheroes finally catch the little girl.
- Clank: We know what you are, Luna.
- Ratchet: What we don't know is why.
- Luna: (changing her voice) We knew you'd fall for it, Ratchet. You can't resist playing the hero. We just needed to get you to our lab so we could extract your DNA and this was the easiest way to do it.
- Clank: But why do you need his DNA?
- Luna: We Technomites are tired of being taken advantage of. Everyone uses our technology but no one give us credit. Our robots are strong, but as you have demonstrated, they are no match for Ratchet. So, we're making our own Ratchets.
- Ratchet: What?
- Luna: Using our advanced cloning technology, Empereor Otto has begun creating an entire army of Ratchets. His Clone Factory is churning them out as we speak. You are already too late to stop him.
- Clank: I believe it is a Technomite artifact.
- Ratchet: No, seriously, what is it?
- Clank: It is a Technomite artifact-
- Ratchet: Clank! That girl is in trouble! Everyone knows Technomites are just some fairy story parents tell kids to explain how technology works! They're not real!
- Clank: I believe they do exist
- Qwark: [comes out of nowhere] I... did you... wow... that was some job, huh? [Sees the artifact] AH!! I haven't seen one of these since - okay, I've never seen one of these, but I've heard of the Technomites and their mystical objects-
- Ratchet: There are... no... TECHNOMITES!!
- Ratchet: Those cameras just keep coming! What should we do?
- Clank: Just ignore them, they are probably an automated security system.
- Ratchet: Okay. They blow up real good, though.
- Ratchet: Hey Qwark, nice hat. [Qwark starts crying] Sorry, was it your mothers'? [Qwark continues crying] Dude, seriously, it's just a hat...
- Qwark It's not that, it's my mother, and my father, I was put up for adoption as a baby and raised by monkeys!
- Ratchet: Wow,... Thanks for sharing.
- Otto: This isn't about credit for our work, or respect, or what other nonsense you've come to believe. This is about power! And what is more powerful then intelligence?
- Ratchet: The RYNO?
- Ratchet: Looks like Otto overlooked one thing. I'm not half as good without you.
- Clank: True.
- Qwark: Papa! Is that you?
- Otto: Yes it's me, you idiot... I mean son.
- Qwark: Papa! Why did you make Qwark so tiny?
- Qwark: Papa, can I have a piggyback ride?
- Ratchet: Somehow I don't think pride is what he's after.
- Ratchet: Great, can we go now? I have another massage scheduled on Pokitaru in an hour.
- T.V. Announcer: So get your Battle Ratchet today! It's the most realistic fighting toy ever! Warning: Battle Ratchet is a living creature, do not leave in original packaging without appropriate breathing holes.
Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction
- Ratchet: [Crashes hoverbike] Well, looks like we're going on foot. At least I can try out my new nav-unit.
- Ratchet: They just had to invade during rush hour!
- Clank: Ratchet! The planetary defense center is 300 cubits below us! How do you suppose we get down?!
- Ratchet: I dunno, I'm kinda wingin' it right now...
- Ratchet: Cryosleep? Naah, there's no way I'm gonna- [Falls asleep]
- Clank: It is fortunate that cryosleep does not work on robots. [Laughs, gets knocked out by a boxing glove]
- Smuggler: Don't you lay this on me, you worthless sack of Kerchu sweat! You were supposed to watch the gel gauge!
- Parrot: AWK! Blame the parrot, always blame the parrot!
- Clank Is everything alright, sir?
- Parrot: AWK! Imperial spies, hide their bodies! AWK!!
- Starship Aphelion: Miserable, little Drophyds! I can't believe they used Seeker ammo! What a bunch of cheats!!
- Starship Aphelion: [to Ratchet, while fighting Space Pirates] You certainly fly like a Lombax.
- Clank: What are stones? Do I have them?
- Ratchet: I'll tell you later, and, no.
- Ratchet: Out of all the boneheaded things Qwarks done over the years! I just hope were not to late!
- Clank: Ratchet! Qwark may be a lot of things, but I do not believe he would hand over the Dimensionator, just to spare his own life!
- Zephyr: [Holding Cronk's head] Would you hold still! I'm tryin' to re-attach yer darn head!
- Cronk: Well it got blown off, protecting YOUR rusty bolts from that Craggymite slayer!
- Clank: Message coming from somewhere, inside the city...It sounds like Captain Qwark...
- Qwark: Stronghold to Deadmeat! Stronghold to Deadmeat! I'm being held prisoner, request assistance A.S.A.P...P four?
- Qwark: Deadmeat! Its dark in here! So... scared!
- Ratchet: You alright Qwark?
- Qwark: That guy is so of my top eight!
- Ratchet: [When hitting Cragpoles with the Gyro-Cycle] YES! Thats gonna add a few points to my license!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: He just can't seem to land a hit folks. This guy must be more irritated than a one-legged droid in butt kicking contest!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: See how our opponent flees his attackers. His hand between his legs, his eyes filled with tears...I taught him that trick...
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: [When you equip the Razor Claws] Gotta love Razor claws. Lethal, precise, and stunning to look at! Like me, Captain Qwark!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: [When you equip the Tornado Launcher] Sweet Jupiter! What kind of black magic voodoo does this guy wield?! He controls the forces of nature!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: [When you equip the Buzz Blades] Hey hey hey! You could've taken someone's eye out with those things!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Whoa, that looked painful! I would turn away if I weren't already completely desensitized by Holonet violence.
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: This is just a reminder folks, streaking through the arena is prohibited by law. I'm looking at you, Crushto!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Tired of losing crop after crop of jellyweed thanks to fossilmite infestation? Try Grummelnet's new and improved Lawn Ninjas! Protecting your garden, with the quickness!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Watching this young buck fight reminds me what got me into gladiating...Honour, courage, glory! And of course the groupies, ahhhh, groupies...
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Owned! By a wrench to the skull!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Mustachio enjoys hoverball, stamp collecting, and taking long walks on the beach, with small robotic know-it-alls...When he grows up he says he wants to be just like, (gasp) Captain Qwark! How unexpected!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Will our challenger crush Crushto? Or will he become interstellar fish food?
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: This giant mechanical robot...slash...fish...thingy...enjoys tennis, arts and crafts and...sushi?! Heh, who knew?
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: [Lethal Gas challenge] Whoa! I haven't smelled gas this lethal, since I took Helga to that all you can eat buffet on planet Veldin!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: We have a new champion! Congratulations Mustachio! You've defied the odds, and managed, not to die!
- Clank: Ratchet please understand. The dimensionator must be destroyed!
- Ratchet: Why?! Cause your imaginary friends told you so?!
- Qwark: Ratchet? Clank? Did I call at a bad time?
- Ratchet: No, your timing was perfect, Qwark...
- Mr. Zurkon: Mr. Zurkon does NOT come in peace.
- Mr. Zurkon: Mr. Zurkon destroy little fishy-men.
- Mr. Zurkon: [when the Groovitron is deployed] Mr. Zurkon enjoys a good boogie.
- Mr. Zurkon: One little, two little, three little Cragmites, Four little, five little, DEAD little Cragmites.
- Mr. Zurkon: You dare to hurt measly furball?
- Mr. Zurkon: You are the disease and Mr. Zurkon is the cure!
- Mr. Zurkon: Why do you hide, stupid aliens? Mr. Zurkon only wishes to kill you
- Mr. Zurkon: Ha! Mr. Zurkon requires no nanotech to survive, Mr. Zurkon lives on fear!
- Space Pirate: He's got one of 'em Mag-Net Launchers!
- Captain Slag: Arrr...What be that foul, smell!
- Rusty Pete: Aye, that oyster chilli be dissagreein' with me somethin' fierce...
- Captain Slag: No, there be a yet fouler smell, one , I not be smellin' for nigh' 600 moons!
- Rusty Pete: Fresh trousers?
- Captain Slag: Will Rusty Pete please report to the armoury, I need my cannonballs buffed to a high shine.
- Captain Slag: [Talywn throws smoke bomb at Slag and Pete] Arrr! Skewer that saucy wench!
- Rusty Pete: Aye Cap'n! Skewerin'! [A loud clang is heard]
- Captain Slag: Arrr! Me wee cannon balls!
- Captain Slag: Oh, the end be near. Tis beautiful Pete, a bright light, the end of me dark tunnel, wenches as far as the eye can see, each with a pint of grog and a smile for ol' Slag, far well, crule galaxy, far well.
- Zordoom Prison PA: As a reminder to all inmates, anyone caught mocking Emperor Tachyon's name, or size, will be immediately executed by a firing squad.
- Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 829C. Cognito, Slim, please report to sector twelve for transport to cryosleep chamber.
- Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 510D, Hardlight, Ace, please report to the mess hall for kitchen duty
- Zordoom Prison PA: Attention inmates. Anyone caught smuggling grummelnet contraband into the prison, will be forced to listen to Grubthorin folk music for 10 cycles.
- [Qwark's plan of attack]
- Qwark: Zordoom prison! A dangerous dungeon of dastardly denizens, death and destruction! A deadly den of devious, desperadoes, damaged by decades of d...uhhh...lets just say, they're criminals...To infiltrate this fortified, fortress of fear, our agent, codenamed 'Deadmeat', will make his way across the grindway of certain death, traverse the walkway of tortured souls, and ascend the grav-ramp into the mouth of the jolly jackal! While I direct the operation from my townhouse of solitude, our agent will jump down the elevator shaft to the lair of eternal sorrow... It is here he will be confronted by an army of Tachyon troopers, a battalion of embattled bandits, and an entire school of Zombie Ninja Panda Bears! Good luck Deadmeat! May you die a glorious heroes death!
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Stronghold to deadmeat. Operation Deathwish, is a go...
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Just ahead of you is the Grindrail of Certain Death. You'll need to use this in order to reach the skydock.
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] With my guidance, and your fortuity, you just might make it out of here alive!
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Ok, you should be at the grav-ramp... What's the point of these things anyway? Hasn't anyone ever heard of stairs?
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Ok, so there are no tortured souls, but be careful of those spotlights...they activate Zordoom's impenetrable defense systems.
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] I'm picking up multiple enemies in your sector Deadmeat, what ever you do, do not- Oh, hold on, call waiting.
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] You made it? Yes, I mean you made it! Now head inside and use your Decrypter thingy-ma-jig to hack the brigde.
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Here it is Deadmeat, the entry point to the main cell block. Once you've hacked the elevator control, you'll be able to hurl yourself down this dark elevator shaft!
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Wow, this definitely wasn't in the plan...err gotta run!!
- Qwark: [At Zordoom Prison] Hey Ratchet, while you where lounging around Zordoom, I managed to steal the coordinates to Kerchu city right off Tachyon's personal computer! No need to thank me, its all in a days work for this superhero...
Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty
- Ratchet: This is it Talwyn. Darkwater has to be here somewhere...
- Talwyn: Be careful Ratchet, Merdegraw's an un-regulated planet. People have a bad habit of disappearing from here...
- Ratchet: Guys, I'm not lookin' for any- [Gets pulled up by Sprocket] trouble...
- Talwyn: Wait! We're just here to find a pirate. Captain Angstrom Darkwater?
- Sprocket: Darkwater! Ya hear that lads? This mangey stowaway seeks the ear of a dead man. How's about we arrange a proper introduction!
- Ratchet: Did you say something about a curse?
- Hoolefoid: Well, yeah! The curse of the undead! Though, I'm not sure how you can be "undead" when it just means, you know, alive! Oh, now I just confused m'self!
- Talwyn: Ratchet, come in. There's something strange happening on this island. I'm here with some of the villagers and... well, they're talking about a curse...
- Ratchet: A curse? Come on Talwyn, there's no such thing.
- Talwyn: I'm sure it's nothing...I'll do some more digging and get back to you.
- Rusty Pete: What? Can't a pirate who's never told an honest truth in his life go blatantly out of his way to help the guy who killed his best friend and captain?
- Rusty Pete: Rusty Pete to Lombax, I have crucial information about Captain Darkwater! I'm droppin' anchor at the Hoolefar pier. Over an [Hiccup] and out.
- Rusty Pete: Lombax and Markazian sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-s-i-n..... eh?
- Talwyn: Ratchet come in? I was able to boost my way back to the island, alone... Guess I know how Clank must feel...
- Rusty Pete: Why don't yer stand right there, mate, I'll check for booby traps.
- Ratchet: [In a sarcastic tone] Booby traps, isn't that a bit cliché?
- Rusty Pete: Not at all mate [Hiccup]. After all, you're the boob... and here's the trap! [Inserts Slag's head onto Darkwater's body, thus unleashing the Curse of Darkwater]
- Talwyn: Darkwater probably built these defenses to keep out anyone but himself.
- Ratchet: Great... I was just thinking I could do with more booby traps...
- Rusty Pete: Their destination...adventure [Hiccup] ure!
- Slag: Laying it on a bit thick, eh Pete?
- Rusty Pete: Here we are! Morrow Caverns! Famous for its majestic fjords, soothing grottos, and legends of tortured souls awaiting their chance of revenge...
- Ratchet: What?
- Rusty Pete: What? I didn't say nuthin'!
- Talwyn: I still don't understand why we need Slag to find Darkwater? Didn't you help him hide the ship?
- Rusty Pete: Well I was a bit sauced at the time. Woke up three days late in an evening gown and spoonin' a Kerchu!
- Rusty Pete: Hundreds of undead pirates, were now free to roam the planet! And the Cap'n now had to share a body with the pirate he killed long ago...But all in all, it was a great day! Haha!
- Ratchet: There it is... the Fulcrum star! [Runs to it and falls down a trap door] Aw crap!
- Slag: Haha! Watch yer step there laddy. X doesn't always mark the spot...
- Darkwater: A fair good morrow, young Lombax. I pray God preserve yer from the Pyhthors and their bellies. But don't worry, we'll take good care of yer fair sally!
- Ratchet: This is your last chance Slag! Just hand over Talwyn and the star!
- Slag: Tis a fool who thinks he can reason with man, who's head he once took! Might be wantin' to return the favor! Ready the locker, Davy! Slag's got one more for ya!
Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
(Clank is running out of a hallway but comes to a stop at a ledge. He looks down at the Great Clock's mass machinery)
- Dr. Nefarious: Go ahead (Clank turns his head and sees Nefarious and Lawrence walking up to him, having found his location at last) JUMP!!! (laughs manically)
- Clank: (his face turns from confused to serious) Dr. Nefarious! I should've known you were behind this. Where have you taken me?
- Dr. Nefarious: You don't recognize it? This is your home, The Great Clock! [as he says this, Nefarious comes to a stop by spinning once and jumping at the same time. Clank turns his head in the direction Nefarious is facing] A marvel of science and sorcery, engineered by the brightest Zoni in all of existence and constructed... in the exact... center of the UNIVERSE!!! Give or take 50 feet.
- Clank: I'm curious, what lie did you tell the Zoni in your quest for vengeance?
- Dr. Nefarious: Vengeance?! You think I went through all this trouble for mere vengeance? And then they say I'm egomaniacal. Let's just say it's... all in the past..LAWRENCE!!!
- Lawrence: Right here sir.
- Qwark: Space, its huge. So huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they would be almost impossible to find... Luckily for Ratchet, Captain Copernicus L. Qwark was on the case. His mission: Rescue the Lombax's one and only friend. Yep, without Clank, Ratchet was alone in the universe. Alone...Alone...(camera pulls back to reveal Qwark sitting next to Ratchet)...Alone!
- Ratchet: (annoyed) You realize this ship has an ejector seat, right?
- Qwark: Heh, Sorry. Guess you could say I'm a little "antsy in my pantsy" at the thought of getting back to the hero business! Yep, these wild stallions (he is referring to his hands) have been in the stable too long! He-ya! Hay-ee! (Qwark pretends to be fighting using his hands as he says this, he then turns his head to look at Ratchet)
- (Aphelion is hit by a shockwave and is going to crash)
- Qwark: OH NO! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA DIE! Good thing I'm wearing clean underwear!
- Ratchet: Will you SHUT UP? We are not gonna die! Aphelion, engage Grav-o-Metric stabilizers!
- Aphelion: Negative. Stabilizers offline. Thrusters offline. Landing flaps offline.
- Ratchet: Ok, so we're gonna die. (Ratchet and Qwark scream)
- (Ratchet, Qwark and Aphelion are stuck in a time rift)
- Ratchet: Whoa.
- Qwark: I know. So much for clean underwear. (Ratchet looks disgusted and the airbags go off)
- Qwark: Look at this beautiful native craftsmanship! (Kicks down door) Take that, culture!
- Qwark: Okay... The key to surviving situations like this is to avoid phrases like, "it's too quiet in here" or "everything's going to be alright".
- Qwark: (To Vorselon) Dr. Nefarious has no authority here, villain. In fact, I'm not even entirely convinced he's a real doctor! So return my sidekick's pal before I bring the thunder...
- Nefarious Trooper: We come in peace.
- (Ratchet pulls out R.Y.N.O V)
- Nefarious Trooper: Holy Crap! ABORT! ABORT!
- Ratchet: Qwark, do you read me?
- Qwark: Its good to hear your voice Ratchet. They've got us in these containment cells and- huh? They're coming with food, oh thank heaven they're coming with- Tap water?! You animals!
- Nefarious Trooper: Hey Fred, is that you? Azimuth has escaped, you owe me 5 bolts. (Sees Ratchet) You are not Fred! Prepare to die!
- Lord Flint Vorselon: Attention, troopers. I don't want to point fingers, but someone taped over last night's episode of Lance & Janice! Would the trooper responsible please eject yourself out of the airlock immediately? Thank-you!
- On-board Computer: What floor, please?
- Ratchet: Um, detention wing? (elevator goes to detention wing)... Wow, I can't believe that worked.
- On-board Computer: What was THAT?
- Ratchet: Nothing!
- (Clank and Sigmund arrive in a Time Pad puzzle room)
- Sigmund: Aw, crud, this looks like a doozy. Computer, can you shut down the gears in sector three?
- Computer: Negative, but I will cross my fingers for you.
- Sigmund: (under his breath) Stupid, sarcastic, outdated piece of--
- Computer: I heard that.
- Clank: Your time has come, Hypersonic Brainwave Scrambler. Let us dance!
- Clank: (After destroying the Hypersonic Brainwave Scrambler) One Hypersonic Brainwave Scrambler... scrambled! (Laughs)
- Sigmund: That was amazing, sir!
- Mr. Zurkon: (When deployed) Mr. Zurkon has returned with a vengeance.
- Mr. Zurkon: Why can't Mr. Zurkon shoot puny Fongoids?
- Mr. Zurkon: One little, two little, three little aliens, Four little, five little, DEAD little aliens.
- Mr. Zurkon: You dare to hurt measly furball?
- Qwark: That's Captain Qwark. I didn't take a two-week hero correspondence course just so I could be called "Mister".
- Battleplex Announcer: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! It's time for the War Grok!
- Qwark: Never fear, Ratchet. While I was in captivity I trained with the elite Umbüko Gladiators of Teraklon Six. My body is in peak physical condition, my senses sharp as trillium razors.
- Battleplex Announcer: Release the War Grok! (The War Grok appears in the arena, breaks free of it's handler, throws it's handler away and roars)
- Qwark: (touches Ratchet) Not it! (Runs away screaming)
- Qwark: Honorable lizard things, I understand your proud warrior ways. The Nabla tribesman of Florana once referred to me as "Tikik-wraakraak", or "he with mighty pecks, who had delivered us serenity." But we cannot kill this creature...
- Battleplex Announcer: Gladiator! You must kill the War Grok, or die! (Qwark gulps nervously)
- Ratchet: (Being attacked by the War Grok) Qwark! This thing's trying to eat me!
- Qwark: This Lombax is young. He does not understand that being a hero is; 45% strength, 60% bravery, and 10% raw intelligence...
- Ratchet: THAT'S 115 PERCENT!!!
- Qwark: You're welcome. (falls to his knees, dramatically) Please, take me instead! All I ask is that you name something impressive in my honor. Perhaps a school or a food court! (the audience is silent, then starts applauding)
- Battleplex Announcer: By the blade of Argos, you have honored us! You are a true hero! (Ratchet flies across the screen, screaming and then landing somewhere off-screen)
- Qwark: (Rubbing the War Grok's belly) Who's a good War Grok? You are. Yes, you are. I'm gonna name you Snowball.
- Ratchet: You've got to be kidding me. (gets up on his feet)
- Fongoid: My brother is still stuck on the oil derrick. He's kind of a jerk, but we should probably still save him.
- Ratchet: (After freeing General Azimuth from his cell) I know, I know. It was touch and go there for a while, (Unknown to Ratchet, Azimuth, who is facing away from Ratchet looks miffed) but the old Lombax instinct (clicking his joints) kicked in and eh- (gets cut off by Azimuth, who is furious at Ratchet)
- Alister Azimuth: (Turns to Ratchet, furious at him) You fool! (Walks towards Ratchet) I told you to leave me. You shouldn't have come back! (As he says "You shouldn't have come back", Azimuth stops walking towards Ratchet and stomps his wrench on the floor still holding it. He then walks off-screen)
Ratchet: (surprised) Wow. That was, not the reaction I was expecting. (to Azimuth, who is still walking away) You know General, it's not like I'm been sitting around all day. I've traveled back in time, found out what happened to Orvus- (gets cut off by Azimuth again who has realized Ratchet said "Back in time.")
- Alister Azimuth: (Stops walking) Back in time? (turns around to Ratchet again) When? How far?
- Ratchet: (moves one hand to the back of his head) Not... far enough.
- Alister Azimuth: It's just eh... (walks towards Ratchet, kneels on one leg and puts his hand on Ratchet's shoulder, Ratchet moves his hand away from his head and looks at Azimuth as he speaks) We're the only ones who can fix the past.(Moving his hand off Ratchet's shoulder and standing up) I'm proud of you Ratchet. (the alarm goes off, getting the attention of Ratchet and Azimuth)
- Ratchet: C'mon, It's time to go! (runs off-screen with Azimuth)
- [2 years earlier, Dr. Nefarious, Lawrence, Pollyx, the Hypersonic Brainwave Scrambler and a Protomantis stand by a captured and severely weakend Orvus]
- Dr. Nefarious: You twit! you told me this would work!
- Pollyx: I- I don't know what's happening. We should have found it by now. He must've erased his own memory!
- Orvus: [weakly] Time is... a gift, and not to be tampered with.
- Dr. Nefarious: This is your last chance, Orvus! How do I get into The Chamber?
- Orvus: [weakly] You are making a mistake. The Clock is not a time machine! [Dr. Nefarious points at the Hypersonic Brainwave Scrambler, who blasts Orvus with the intention of torturing him; however Orvus blocks the blast with a force-field; defiantly] There is only one who will enter my chamber. And he is safe; far from you! [A large flash originates from Orvus, causing everyone to shield their eyes; when the flash dissapates, Orvus is gone]
- Dr. Nefarious: Where is he? where did he go?!
- Pollyx: I don't know, sir. I'm pulling up a risidual image from his databanks. [An image of Clank is projected] We scanned it before he dissipated.
- Lawrence: You were correct, sir. Clank led us straight to the Orvus Chamber.
- Dr. Nefarious: Splendid! Notify the Valkyries. It's time for... UNNECESSARILY EVIL INITIATIVE OMEGA-91!
- Lawrence: Right away, sir.
- Dr. Nefarious: Cassy, what is the status of Unnecessarily Evil Initiative Omega-91?
- Cassiopeia: In motion, my love. The Lombax is now trapped in an over-elaborate death scenario designed to torture him into a slow, painful doom!
- Dr. Nefarious: That's Unnecessarily Evil Initiative Omega-96! I said 91! Does no one read my memos?!
- Cassiopeia: I'm actually happy you survived the training course. It would have been a shame to lose such a worthy opponent to some cheap machine.
- Ratchet: Speaking of cheap machines, how much is your boyfriend paying you to do his dirty work?
- [Qwark's plan]
- Qwark: The Nefarious Space Station; an impenetrable fortress fraught with danger and... eh... windows. Using my feminine wiles, I was able to convince the custodial staff to temporarily reroute the south wing thrash chute. This will be our point of entry. With the motion sensors deactivated, we should have smooth sailing into the south wing. Harnessing eight years of high school theater workshops, I will remain undercover as the lovely Shannon. My objective will be to escort you here. [Accidentaly shows picture of Qwark at a tropical beach] Oops, that's a vacation picture from the Maktar Resort Single Mingle. Don't know how that got there... [Shows the correct picture] I'll escort you here, to a conveniently exposed thermal exhaust port. We will then endure rigorous calisthenics until we have lost enough body fat to squeeze through the port.
- Clank: Maybe I should handle this part of the mission.
- Qwark: Sure, that... sounds quicker. Now, that port leads directly to Nefarious' personal quarters. Using the gigamorphic holo-ray, you'll be able to scan him and create a holographic disguise for Ratchet. With the disguise engaged, we should be able to breeze past the guards and infiltrate mission control where we'll use the main security terminal to atomize every docked ship in the fleet. With Nefarious trapped like a rat and the Clock safe, we can contact galactic authorities so that I may bask in the awesome glow of their admiration.
- [Ratchet, Clank and Qwark are in the trash compactor of Nefarious' space station]
- Qwark: Here we are, the final showdown between good and evil. Can you smell that, [sniffs] that's drama baby!
- Ratchet: I smell something, and it's definatly not drama...
- Qwark: Hey, look on the bright side! At least we're not being squished to death by the pistons.
- On-board Computer: Crush compactors initiated. Prepare to be compacted.
- Qwark: Cover me! I'm about to something impressive. [Holding Compactors outwards] Muscles, aching! Arms, burning! Calves ...looking good.
- On-board Computer: Blockage detected in trash compactor 714. Shutting down compactor.
- Qwark: Ratchet, did you hear that? I did it! Ha ha! Technology, I just made you my-
- Nefarious Trooper: You do not see us infiltrating your evil citadel.
- Nefarious Trooper: Get your own space station.
- Dr. Nefarious: Computer, take dictation.
- On-board Computer: Go ahead, doctor.
- Dr. Nefarious: Things to do once the Clock is under my control: Number ONE! Double-cross remaining Valkyries and retire Lord Vorselon. Number TWO! Reestablisch vendetta against organic life-forms! And number THREE! Iron socks.
- Ratchet: Nefarious, you can't use the Clock. Nothing you could want is worth risking the universe.
- Dr. Nefarious: Oh, but there is. And I have you three to thank for it. Initiate super-wavy flashback effect! [Flashback starts] Thanks to you, and your dim-witted friend here, I found myself drifting through the cosmos. Have you ever spend time on an asteroid? It's suprisingly BORING! Nothing for a villian to do but dwell on his failure! Then, one day the Fongoids saved us. But, still, failure burned inside my circuitry! How could I have been defeated by the likes of you? Why had the universe been tipped in your favor? I embarked on a crusade through the inner recesses of what you call "the soul". I studied Fogoid meditation, attended anger management class, dabbled in yoga, attended more anger management class! Until finally I went on a spirit walk on planet Quantos. It was here that I finally found what I had been missing, The Great Clock! [Flashback ends] With the clock under my control, I'll be able to wrong all the rights in the universe. Every villain who has ever stumbled will get a do-over. Every protagonist's triumph will be reversed! Until finally, a new present is created... in which the heroes always lose! [Laughs manically] GUARDS!
- Qwark: [Grabs Ratchet and Clank] Hang on, cadets! [Throws a smoke bomb onto the floor covering Ratchet, Clank and Qwark in smoke. However as the smoke clears they are still there] Well that was five bolts wasted!
- [Ratchet and Clank return from the past, after saving the Fongoid settlement]
- Yurik: Hey! Do I know you two? You look awfully familiar.
- Ratchet: Errr, nope! First time here!
- Clank: And our second, heh heh heh heh he...
- (Ratchet and Clank have returned to Nefarious' space station and are confronting him)
- Ratchet: That's far enough Nefarious! (Nefarious turns his head at Ratchet) Step away from the transport!
- Dr. Nefarious: (Confused and angry at seeing Ratchet and Clank alive) You AGAIN!? How is this possible!? You...should be DEAD!
- Clank: On behalf of Galactic Authorities, (Nefarious, fed up with Clank already, begins to walk straight up to him) we hereby charge you for will of disruption to the time-space continuation. Shut down the transport and surrender quietly!
- Dr. Nefarious: (still walking towards Clank) Look at you, free for the first time in years, inches from your destiny and what do YA DO!? (Nefarious stops walking and is standing near Ratchet and Clank) Run right back to playing "Backpack" to a squishy, (when Nefarious is saying this to Clank, he walks up to Ratchet who looks angry with him) You're nothing, but a pathetic side-kick! (while he is saying this, Nefarious walks back over to Clank, pointing at him, then Nefarious leans over and touches the top of Clank's head with one of his fingers)
- Lawrence: We should hang out sometime.
- Ratchet: (Intensely furious at Nefarious) That's it, No one talks to Clank that way! (After saying "That's it" Ratchet walks up to Clank, he then kneels next to Clank and speaks to him in a friendly tone) When this is over, I'll back-up whatever decision you make. But first, how 'bout one more final hurrah so we can kick this guy's (Referring to Nefarious) Butt? (Clank, liking the suggestion, nods.)
- Dr. Nefarious: When I'm finished killing you, I think I'll rewind time so I can do it again... and again... AND AGAIN!
- Dr. Nefarious: [While fighting Ratchet & Clank] This one's for Cassiopeia!
- Dr. Nefarious: [While fighting Ratchet & Clank; to Clank] You should have seen the look on your dad’s face when he realized he wasn’t there to talk science. So much for the great and powerful Orvus!
- Dr. Nefarious: [While fighting Ratchet & Clank] Remember when you destroyed my Biobliterator? Consider that victory erased!
- [Orvus' recorded message for Clank]
- Orvus: Hello, XJ-0461. Or should I say "Clank"? Here, in this very chamber, I watched over time. And now that you understand the power of the Clock, I must ask that you protect it at all costs; for even the slightest misuse of it's power can rip the very fabric of existence. The Clock, much like time itself, is a gift, and not to be tampered with. But like any father, my only wish is that my son does that which makes him feel whole. You are an intelligent and logical being, Clank, but intelligence and logic would have been wasted gifts without honor and loyalty. I am glad to see you came into those on your own. So, should you find The Clock be too small for your plans,I pray the cosmos light the way towards a future, you yourself design. And remember, the universe has a wonderful sense of humor. The trick is, learning how to take a joke. [laughs]
- Lord Flint Vorselon: [to Ratchet] I am your father...'s accountant!
- Aphelion: [Referring to a Terachnoid and a Valkyrie on a date] My weapons are still online. I can make it look like an accident.
- Ratchet: That's OK Aphelion, lets go...
- (Agorians when Ratchet is about to enter portal to Battleplex)
Haha, what is it? Feeding time?
Where do you think your going?!
Hey Shaun! Look! Its your mom! Hahaha
Were gonna snap you in half...
Hey Halfpipe! You must be lost!
You've got to be kiddin me!
Look what we have here fellas! A lombax!
Go in! I dare ya!
He's a wee little fella, ain't he?
Get a load of this guy!
Dead lombax walking!
Have a deathwish do ya? Heh heh
He must be here on a school trip
Playground's back were you came from!
What is it? A rat? A fox? Some kind of space possum?!
Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One
- Qwark: You've done some underhanded things in your time, but this beats all! I'm starting to think there may not even be an Inter-Galactic Tool of Justice Award!
- Ratchet: Ladies and gentlemen, your president.
- Kip Darling: The depravity of this creature knows no bounds, folks. He just destroyed Rusty Pete's Healthy Hamburger Shack! His wheat grass and tree bark burger was a favorite of hipsters everywhere!
- Clank: [to Commander Spog] I know someone who can fix you.
- Qwark: Well I don't mean to brag, but I did modify my crochitizer with a vibrate function that I like to call: "The Happy Platypus". [Clank just stares at him while Ratchet and Nefarious seem to contemplate the idea]
- Clank: Eh... I beg your pardon, Qwark, but I was referring to him. [points to Dr. Nefarious]
- Dr. Nefarious: Me!? Are you insane?
- [After Nefarious has repaired Commander Spog]
- Qwark: You did the right thing, doctor!
- Dr. Nefarious: GET BENT!
- Qwark: You know, I'm actually starting to like it here. Sure, it's a dangerous planet riddled with murderous robots and exotic predators... But take away all that and what do you get? A presidential retreat slash waterpark!
- Dr. Nefarious: [to Ratchet] Can I kill him now?
- Ratchet: No.
- Dr. Nefarious: I can make it look like an accident!
- Ratchet: [interested] How?
- Clank: Ratchet!
- Ratchet: All right. No.
- [Ratchet and Clank talk about Aphelion's destruction at the hands of the Light Eating Z'Grute]
- Ratchet: If only there was something I could do...
- Clank: I will miss Aphelion too, Ratchet, but like General Azimuth failed to realize until it was too late, you cannot change the past...
- Dr. Nefarious: [about Dr. Croid's Guardian Robots] I gotta get me some of these! Can you imagine me rolling up to the Planetary Defence Center with ten or twelve of these things? [Laughs] I'd be unstoppable!
- Mr. Zurkon: [Deployed by Nefarious] Mr. Zurkon will enjoy protecting evil robot!
- Mr. Zurkon: [Deployed by Qwark] Mr. Zurkon did not vote for you.
- Mr. Zurkon: [Deployed by Clank] Do not fear, measly robot, Mr. Zurkon is here to protect you.
- Mr. Zurkon: [Deployed by Ratchet] Do not fear, measly furball, Mr. Zurkon will protect you.
- Mr. Zurkon: [If more than one Mr. Zurkon is out] Mr. Zurkon doesn't like other Mr. Zurkon stealing his kill.
- [Ratchet, Clank, Qwark and Nefarious finally find Dr. Croid]
- Ratchet: Dr. Croid?
- Dr. Croid: A Lombax! [Grabs Ratchet's face and studies his eye] What a remarkable specimen! And such a shiny coat! You three brought him to the right place. [Hands Qwark a card]
- Qwark: [Reads] "Dr. Fumpus Croid. Astrophysicist, paradoxologist, and... Lombax whisperer?"
- Ratchet: Dr. Croid?
- Dr. Croid: Aha?
- Ratchet: I don't need a translator.
- Dr. Croid: I see.
- Ratchet: We're here because someone is using your work-
- Dr. Croid: Yes?
- Ratchet: -To bring monsters to Magnus and we need your help to stop him.
- Dr. Croid: Aha! He's saying he's hungry! [Grabs a bag of treats]
- Ratchet: Oh, for the love of- [Dr. Croid jams a treat into Ratchet's mouth and pats him on the head]
- Qwark: Listen Doctor, I completely respect the fact that you're... insane. But I'm trying to boost my approval rating so what's say we dial down the crazy and tell us how to stop Nevo. [Dr. Croid just keeps staring at Qwark in a creepy way]
- Ratchet: [Talks slowly] Dr. Croid, we're going to stop Nevo from huring anyone else but we need your help, do you understand what I'm saying? [Hands Dr. Croid a picture of him and Nevo]
- Dr. Croid: [Stares at it thoughtfully, then looks up] I think he needs to poo! I'll go get a baggy. [Ratchet, Clank and Nefarious keep staring in disbelief and disgust]
- Qwark: Hey doc, make it two. 'Been a loooong trip.
- [Ratchet, Clank, Qwark and Nefarious discover that their only means of transportation out of an ice field is destroyed]
- Qwark: [Falls down, Nefarious grabs him; dramatically] This is it, the end of President Captain Qwark. [Ratchet rolls his eyes] I can feel Death's icy grip! Nefarious, I'm sorry I pushed you around in High School. You're smart and I'm such a-
- Dr. Nefarious: Moron?
- Qwark: I was gonna say "Adonis", but if you want to be a jerk about it...!
- Dr. Nefarious: I'm sorry too. You should know that even as I was wishing the Blarg would tear you apart limb from limb so I can riverdance around your smoldering! Squishy!!! Carcass!! ...I still consider you a friend. [Gives Qwark a wrench]
- Qwark: [Gasps] An Inter-Galactic Tool of Justice Award!
- Plumber: If you fellas are done, I'm gonna need that wrench back. [Qwark and Nefarious stare at him in emberrasment, Nefarious drops Qwark]
- [The Plumber has just repaired the rails, and sees them off]
- Ratchet: Wait, aren't you gonna give us some cryptic advice we can use to defeat Nevo?
- Plumber: Ooh, sorry friend. That kind of advice, I'm afraid I don't have. Good luck.
- [At the end of the game, Cronk and Zephyr's ship finally lands on Magnus]
- Cronk: [Jumps out and points his gun and Nefarious' face] All right, Nefarious, hands where I can see them!
- Ratchet: Wait, how did you guys get down here?
- Zephyr: Eh, yes, about that... Help finally arrived. [Lawrence comes out of the ship]
- Lawrence: Good evening, sir. I hope you don't mind, but, well,... It turns out the "evil sidekick" - market is a bit thin these days. I don't suppose there's room in your employ for one more?
- Qwark: Nice try, Lawrence, but today has been a day of revelation for all of us. Together we faced a villain that was neither Robot nor Squishy. And we learned a little something about life: Friendship! And the sticky connective tissue between right and wrong. So I'm afraid Dr. Nefarious isn't going to do anything but [looks at the ship] steal our ship!! [Nefarious and Lawrence take off in Cronk and Zephyr's ship]
- Dr. Nefarious: What do you expect? I'm a supervillain! Bon voyage, losers! [Laughs while he and Lawrence fly off]
- Ratchet: Sometimes it feels like the universe rights itself.
- [After being stranded on Magnus, Ratchet suggests driving Ephemeris back to Igliak]
- Clank: Ratchet! We cannot pilot a weaponized drone into Luminopolis!
- Ratchet: Relax, I pilot weaponized drones into Luminopolis twice a week. It's like a fine of ten bolts and a class that you have to take online. Qwark can probably pardon us.
- Qwark: Perks of the job!
- Clank: Oh, why do I even bother?