Ratchet & Clank series
From Wikiquote
Ratchet & Clank is a video game series for the PlayStation 2, 3 and Portable. The games are 3D platformers developed by Insomniac Games and High Impact Games and published by Sony.
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[edit] Ratchet & Clank
- Plumber: Dadblast it!
Ratchet (To Clank): Look, plumber's crack
Plumber: What did you just say?
Ratchet: I said "Look, the plumber's back!"
Plumber: Alright wise guy, aren't you supposed to be on one of those escape transports?
Ratchet: Escape transports?
Plumber: News flash! Giant robots attacking! The escape transports are all the rich folk off this galdarn planet.
Ratchet: So why aren't you on one?
Plumber: Soceioeconomic disparity.
Ratchet: Huh?
Clank: (To Ratchet) He hasn't got enough bolts.
- Skidd McMarx: Anyway, I'm having trouble getting back to my ship...(Sees Sandsharks) err...due to my, sprained ankle.
Ratchet: Right...
- Captain Qwark (Battling Ratchet):
- Y'no, Ratchet. I'm doing this for your own good.
- Here's a little something from me...to you.
- Oh yeah!
- Bullseye!
- Wooooohoooo!
- Am I good or what?
- Did you feel that, punk?
- Oh yeah! I'm the man!
- Pretty good! For a beginner!
- Owww! Now why would you do anything like that?
- Ahh, that's a scratch. It joined me in my first space battle when I was a small product.
- Why you son of a *****!
- Ratchet meet missiles. Missiles meet Ratchet!
- Okay, you had your fun. Now it's my turn!
- Owwww! Enough practicing! Let's have some fun!
- Why those buffons? They couldn't shoot the broad side of my fitness trainer!
- Well it looks like if you want a job done right, you got to do it yourself.
- Thank you, thank you! Tonight, we'll be rebroadcast at 7 on channel 4,073.
- All the day's work.
- Look, mister! You're in big trouble! BIG TROUBLE!
- You think you got me, huh? Catch me if you can!
- Hey, Ratchet buddy old pal! He he why don't we just it a day? D-d-do you there?
- Oh...I always liked you kiddo. I was just so unhearted.
- Uhhhh. Mayday! MAYDAY! Well, Ratchet. I'd say you passed the test!
- Hah, hah. Oh boy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. (yells as his ship crashes down to Oltanis)
- Plumber: (Gives Ratchet infobot and jumps down sewer pipe) Geronimo!
Ratchet: Did he just slide down a sewer pipe?
- Ratchet: If I can get that I can get past those robot guards.
Clank: Robots are not so easily fooled.
Ratchet: Ahh! What's that?
Clank: What?
Ratchet: Uh huh...
- Drek: You really are an idiot.
Qwark: What?
Drek: You're to take that shuttle to the moon base and ambust the two miscrients when they arrive.
Qwark: Oh yeah. Who were they again?
Drek: AARRRGGGHH! Those two! (Points to Ratchet and Clank.)
- Drek: Did you get rid of them?
Qwark: Yes.......no. Well, I had this plan and I thought....
Drek: You thought? You thought?! I do the thinking around here you slugbrain idiot! I simply ordered you to deal with those two nusiances before they could cause any trouble! Do you still want to be my highly-paid spokesman of my new planet?
Qwark: Yes.
Drek: Then the next time I tell you to do a job, I want RESULTS! Now get out of my sight!
- (In Gadgetron showroom) :Gadgetron has showrooms located on every inhabited planet in the galaxy. Even one on the uninhabited swamp planet of Bogia 4. We don't know exactly how that one got there. Engineering blames marketing, marketing blames legal, and legal has been at a 'conference' on planet Bahamia for six months and they don't return our calls.
- Clank: (After Helga doesn't give him the prize for completing the course) But that prize is ours from the captain. That's not fair.
Helga: Too bad, life's not fair.
[edit] Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
- Interviewer: Welcome back to "Behind the Hero", tonight's heroes are the duo who recently restored peace and order to our galaxy: Ratchet & Clank. So gentlemen, tell us about your latest incredible adventures.
Ratchet: Well as you can image, we've been pretty busy: After Drek's defeat there were parades, press conferences, fancy dress balls...
Clank: ...and the wiener roast at Al's.
Ratchet: Oh yeah that. And then, things started to slow down a bit. After that we... well...
Clank: There was the grand opening at "Groovy Lube".
Ratchet: Right. I think that was, last week.
Clank: Six months ago.
Ratchet: We're still pretty busy, but in a more, uh, domestic sense.
Clank: Yesterday, I flushed out my radiator core.
Ratchet: I guess... no one needs a hero right now...
- Thief: (Points a gun at Ratchet) I see it's time to update my security forces.
Ratchet: Woa-hoho, no, hey, no, no, look, I'm just here to fix the... trans... flex-er-coil.
Thief: Nice try. Give my regards to Megacorp.
- Thief: (Dramatically) You have no idea what you're involved in. Return to your own galaxy at once, or this will happen to you! (Hits button, nothing happens, less confidently) Or this will happen to you. (Hits other button, short-circuits Clank) Farewell.
- (Thief calls Thugs-4-Less)
Thug Leader: Thugs-4-Less, if it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Thief: Riiight.....
- Ratchet: Clank don't... uh... move, I'm coming down! (Thief comes from behind and pushes him off the ledge)
Ratchet: Son of a Qwark!
- (Angela ducks down to not be seen by Thug Leader but sneezes)
Thug Leader: Who's there?
Angela: Meow,
Thug Leader: Awww... Hey, wait a second...
- Ratchet: Did you see that?
Clank: Yes. Angela knows how to defeat the Protopet.
Ratchet: And?
Clank: And she does a terrible cat impression?
Ratchet: And we have to rescue her from the thugs!
Clank: Agreed. We need that answer.
Ratchet: AND WE HAVE TO PROTECT HER!
Clank: Okay...
- Thug Leader: This message is for all Thugs-4-Less personnel. Ehh... Megacorp has hired us to protect their C.E.O., Mr. Fizzwidget, (Holds up vid-screen with picture of Mr. Fizzwidget) who they think is getting a little cuckoo in his old age. Now, Mr. Fizzwidget's a little old-fashioned, so I want everything handled with the... ahem... (spits) pride and courtesy, people have come to expect from us. Also, keep an eye out for these two characters. (Picture changes to Ratchet and Clank) I've got a personal interest in seeing these two rubbed out. I'm giving away a free pizza party to the squad that bags 'em. And remember, that includes drinks and desserts!
- Gadgetron Matron: (Breaks wind) Ooh! Excuse me! I think I just blew another vacuum tube!
Ratchet: Should I take a look?
Gadgetron Matron: My word! You young people are so fresh these days!
- Announcer: Ask yourself, are you man enough, hero enough, insane enough to step into the ring with two of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy? If you answered yes, you're a big fat liar!
- Galactic Greetings Voice: Hello,...
Angela: Ratchet and Clank.
Galactic Greetings Voice: You lucky devils!
Angela: Angela Cross.
Galactic Greetings Voice: Has just sent you: a galactic greeting!
Angela: Guys! If you get this message, please meet me on my home world. Just so you know, I've found my old ID badge. I'm pretty sure we can still use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ, but you're gonna have to hurry before the Protopets completely overrun us! Oh, and sorry for the balloon-a-gram, it was the only thing I could get off this plan...
[Is cut off]
Galactic Greetings Voice: We hope you enjoyed your galactic greeting!
- (Angela just shows Ratchet a vid-screen about the Megacorp factory)
Angela: And this will get you in (Hands Clank a card)
Clank: A 20% discount at Groovy Lube?
Angela: Ooooops! Wrong one.
- Clank: It says "In case of emergency, break glass to get wrench".
(Ratchet prepares to break the glass with his wrench)
Clank: Hold on! This one says "Use rock to break glass to get wrench to break glass to get rock". Ooh! I love logic puzzles! Let's see... If you break the glass with the...
Ratchet: (Having already broken the glass) Solved it.
- [Protopet Commercial]
Announcer: Why is Billy sad?
(Billy cries)
Announcer: Is he cold? Hungry? Or maybe just...
(The Protopet comes closer to Billy)
Billy: Oh no, no-no-no, take it away!
Announcer: ...LONELY!
Billy: NOOOOOO!
Announcer: Intoducing the Megacorp Protopet. Your child will shriek with joy when he meets our adorable friend! Wanna play ball?
(Billy throws the ball at the Protopet, only to have it thrown back at him with twice the force)
Announcer: So does the Protopet. Need a partner for tag?
(Protopet starts to chase Billy who is screaming in fear)
Announcer: Go find the Protopet. Up for some Cops 'n' Robbers?
(Protopet pins down Billy)
Billy: HELP, PLEASE!!
Announcer: So is you-know-who! Just ask Billy!
(Protopet spins Billy around and throws him at a tree)
Billy: No!
Announcer: The new Megacorp Protopet. Go to Planet Boldan and get yours FREE! From Abercrombie Fizzwidget himself.
(Commercial ends)
Ratchet: You mean that thing is going to be a pet?!
Clank: Megacorp is going to market a killer! (looks sad) That is simply... (suddenly looks angry) unconscionable.
- (Protopet Commercial)
Robot Child: Mommy, where do Protopets come from?
Robot Mother: Why... they come from Megacorp, dear!
Announcer: That's right, Mrs. Robot!
[edit] Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal
- Man: I seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt nekkid, screaming and hold a banana'r! Or... or maybe it weren't a banana'r. It... it could be...(Immediately gets cut of by the narrator)
Narrator: One of nature's mysteries!
- Darla Gratch: Captain Qwark, first you make a miraculous comeback, and now you've defeated the Tyhrrannoids in a spectacular battle on their own planet! How do you explain your recent success??
Qwark: Compassion, dashing good looks, IRON HARD ABS! (Darla rolls her eyes) But really, to be a true hero of heroes, you need more than just loads of charisma and a brilliant tactical mind. I couldn't have done it without...(Ratchet looks hopeful) THESE MASSIVE GUNS! (Kisses his biceps in turn, Ratchet face palms)
- Clank: It seems this console was recently used to edit one of her music videos.
Ratchet: Ohh! Let's watch it! I... uh... mean it...uh might contain a clue... or something.
- Courtney Gears (Music video):
I see a future
what do I see?
Robots going crazy 'cross the galaxy.
Can't stand organics, they're soft and squishy.
The time is now, we robots must be free!
You want to be free?
Yeah!
This goes out to all you robots 'cross the galaxy.
It's time for you and me to rise up and strike back.
Don't stop until we dominate
Won't you feel great?
When we exterminate
All organic life!
- (Skrunch grunts)
Qwark: I thought we agreed to put that jungle business behind us.
(Skrunch grunts)
Qwark: It was mating season, how could I have known she was your sister?!
(Sees Ratchet and Klunk)
Captain Qwark: Errr... how long have you two been standing there?
Klunk: Too long.
- Ratchet: Skidd? What are you doing here?
Skidd McMarxx: My codename is 'Shadow Dude' bro. Black Ops are my speciality. I figured you guys could use my help.
Ratchet: Err... thanks...Shadow Dude...but I think we've got this one covered.
Skidd McMarxx All right... I'll just take my Hacker and go back to ship.
Ratchet: Hacker! Oh well, you know on second thought, we'd like you to join the mission, Shadow Dude.
Skidd McMarxx: Awesome... this is gonna be sick!
- Ratchet: (to Klunk) Look Clank, there's Dr. Nefarious. And that butler guy. And they've got Clank. Hey, how about that, they're holding you prisoner... (pause) how about that? (Klunk laughs). I guess I should be feeling pret-ty stupid right now. I don't suppose there's any chance he's the evil Clank?
(Klunk laughs evilly as his eyes turn red)
Ratchet: Yeah. Didn't think so.
- Skidd McMarxx: (to himself) How do you work this camera whatchamacallit? Whoops. That's a bummer. Ouch! Hey, Ratchet, what's up.
Ratchet: Hi, Skidd. Can we talk to Sasha?
Skidd McMarxx: Sasha and Qwark are meeting with the president, man, they left me in charge of the ship!
Ratchet: WHAT?! I mean, I see. Well, is Al there?
Skidd McMarxx: He's out to lunch.
Ratchet: Helga?
Skidd McMarxx: In the sauna!
Klunk: Qwark's monkey, perhaps?
- Ratchet: C'mon Qwark hurry up!
Klunk: We must leave now!
Skrunch: Mmkak!
Ratchet: Not without Qwark! He would have waited for us... I think.
Klunk: Good for him.
Ratchet: WAIT!!!
- Ratchet: (Ratchet's speech after Qwark's "death") Captain Qwark had so many, um, er... wonderful qualities, I just don't know were to begin.
Klunk: Such as...?
Ratchet: Oh, er, OK, he was really, tall, and um, he had a unique, fashion sense, and he had a really big chin, with kind of, sort of a, well you know a butt shape, er... Well you know, I think I've droned on long enough...(Runs off the stage)
- Ratchet: Hey, it's Al! Got the shields up yet?
Big Al: Silence! I am concentrating!
Ratchet: What the... that's a Qwark vid-comic!
Big Al: Excuse me... it is a historically accurate interactive graphic novel.
Ratchet: How can you use the city's defense network to play a video game?
Big Al: Simple. I bypass the security server with a 626 hack matrix adapter and reprocess the graphic sub-processor.
Ratchet: No, I mean...(sighs) Clank... you speak nerd.
Clank: It appears you have a feedback loop in the induction coils of your DB3 signal processor.
Big Al: Impossible! I ran recursive checks on the signal matrix! (starts typing) Hey, there is a feedback loop! (starts typing vigorously)
Clank: May we borrow this vid-comic?
Al:Treat it gently! It is the first edition.
Clank: perhaps this will restore Qwark's memory.
Computer: Shield power restored.(Al wipes sweat off his forehead and mouths a 'phew')
- Ratchet: Alright we'll just pick up the gadgets and split.
Helga: (After Ratchet completes the fitness course) Oh, the little man is cocky now ho ho ho. Perhaps you'd like to meet Helga on the wrestling mat hmm. Let's see how cocky you are, twisted up like a wet noodle.
Ratchet: Maybe next time.
Helga: Pansies!
- Ratchet: Wow look at this, the complete Secret Agent Clank holo-vid collection. This guy's your biggest fan!
(Clank turns the chair around to see an entire bookcase full of them)
Clank: That is rather...disturbing...
- (Ratchet, Clank and the Q-Force finish watching Qwark's new plan)
Qwark: Alright, let's get to it! (Ratchet raises his hand) Yes... you there in the front.
Ratchet: Yeah, hi, umm... I was just wondering, what are the rest of you gonna be doing while I'm down there getting blasted?
Qwark: We'll be, uh, monitoring the situation! Closely,...from here.
(Leans in to whisper to Helga)
Qwark:(Whispers) Actually we'll be down at the lunch buffet on Deck 5. It's Meatloaf Day!
(Faces Ratchet again)
Qwark: But we'll be rooting for you every step of the way!
- Klunk: (After Ratchet defeats Courtney Gears) One disposable pop star, disposed. (Laughs)
- Klunk: (While the president holds a speech about Qwark) What a load of bullsh... (Ratchet hits him)
- Comic Narrator: These are the real life adventure of Captain Qwark, the greatest superhero the galaxy has ever known.
Captain Qwark: Hey... is this thing on?
Comic Narrator: Ahem... Meticulously reconstructed with the aid of eyewitness accounts, bathroom gossip, wild speculations, and a magic eight-ball.
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: Note to self: never mess with a trigger-happy Lombax.
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: Lets turn up the heat down there!
- Annihilation Nation Announcer: He's got sharp teeth too, I wonder if he bites...
- Starport Tannoy: Welcome to the Zeldrin Starport. Due to increased security, thermonuclear warheads and nail clippers are no longer permitted as carry-on baggage.
- Starport Tannoy: Loitering in the starport is strictly forbidden. Offenders will be disintegrated and fined.
- Starport Tannoy: All organic lifeforms must be kept on a leash at all times.
- Leviathan Computer: (After Nefarious presses button) Auto-destruct sequence initiated. Prepare to die.
- Biobliterator Computer: (After defeating Nefarious) Warning, Reactor detonation in 60 seconds.
Dr. Nefarious: Lawrence, engage the teleporter.
Lawrence: Would you care to specify a destination, sir?
Dr. Nefarious: Who cares? Just get us out of here!
Biobliterator Computer: Time's up!
Dr. Nefarious: What?! That wasn't even close to 60 seconds!
Biobliterator Computer: Buh-bye.
(Biobliterator explodes)
- Dr. Nefarious: What do you mean we can't teleport to a planet?
Lawrence: I'm afraid we're well out of range, sir. Perhaps if you had bothered to specify a destination...
Dr. Nefarious: When will we be in range?
Lawrence: Oh, I'm sure something will come along, in say, five or ten thousand years.
Dr. Nefarious: (frustrated yell) I don't believe this! Now what?
Lawrence: I don't suppose you can play drums.
Dr. Nefarious: LAWWWWWWREEEENNCCCCEEEE!
- Dr. Nefarious: To think, they called me insane, Lawrence. We'll see who's insane...when my pets have exterminated all life on this miserable planet!
Lawrence: That should clear things right up, sir.
- Dr. Nefarious: The famous Captain Qwark couldn't possibly be this stupid...could he?
Lawrence: Even drooling imbeciles can achieve success in certain fields, sir. Mad science, for example.
- Dr. Nefarious: How do you like my creation Clank? I call him, Klunk. Say, maybe they'll change your show to Secret Agent Klunk. (laughs evilly) Did you hear that, Lawrence?!
Lawrence: You put the wit in twit, sir.
Dr. Nefarious: Yes I do, don't I? (laughs maniacally)
- Slim Cognito: Well, if it ain't two of my best customers.
Ratchet: Slim Cognito? What are you doing down here?
Slim Cognito: I had a small run-in with the cops Concerning a Suck Cannon upgrade that was mistakenly sold to a minor. I swear the kid looked eighteen!
[edit] Ratchet: Deadlocked
- Dallas: Since I don't have much time left, I'd just like to apologize to a few people. Timmy Aberdeen, I was the one who lit your backpack on fire, and I'm sorry that you couldn't get it off in time.
Susie Binkleton, I was the one who put the Tyhrranoid in your locker. Hey, but I hear the therapy is going well, though. Chin up, kid!
And finally to you, Juanita, my dear, sweet Juanita. I'm sorry for six years of rude jokes, harassing innuendo, and those friendly little pinches in the elevator. But who am I kidding you, you love it!
- Al: I got them off of a contestant who...um...won't be needing them any more.
Merc: Don't worry boss, you won't end up like that last guy.
Green: I hope not, I still have nightmares about it.
Merc: Aww, suck it up, Green!
- Ratchet: (speech unit turned on) -et me out of this you Blarg-headed frat monkey! I can barely breathe in this thing and my tail feels like it's shoved right up my- (speech unit turned off)
- Vox: Greetings, hero, and welcome to DreadZone. Rest assured, you are now far out of the reach of hope. There will be no rescues, no pardons, no possibility of escape. You are now a contestant on the greatest holo-vision program the galaxy has ever known. Chances are you'll be dead by tomorrow, but those of you who play the game with skill and strategy will earn a chance to win your freedom.
- Vox: (Over PA system) High levels of radiation have been detected in the containment area. If you reside next to or near Uranium Man, you will die shortly.
- Vox:(Over PA system) For everyone to enjoy it, please keep the interplanetary transport as clean as possible. After all, your mother does not work here...oh, except for you, Captain Nightingale.
- Green (When hovership is damaged) Sir, um... I'm seeing parts of this fly off that we, uh, kinda need.
- Green: (When hovership is damaged) We can't take much more of this, we don't have the power!
- Merc: (When hovership is damaged) Does this have airbags? Please tell me it has airbags.
- Green: (Whimpering after seeing a robot zombie on Catacrom Four)
Merc: Whats the matter Green?
Green: It's that dead robot over there, sir. I think it moved.
- Green: Zombies, dead ahead! Er, no pun intended sir.
- Merc: Hey, Green, that zombie looks like your momma!
- Merc: (On grindrail) I guess this is a bad time to say I'm afraid of heights.
- Merc: Aw, I see an itty-bitty turret. Boss, can I blow it up? Pretty please?
- Merc: Hey, What did you do to that VG-9000 I was playing?
Al: I figured we needed space for more useful things. Plus, you were getting too near my high score in Ozaark's Revenge.
- Merc: (After getting to the top of the Valix beacon) It's so bright! It's like a lightbulb, but so much brighter! Uhhh...I'm not good with words.
- Merc: (Voiceover in multiplayer) Gravity boots are our way of saying "Screw you, nature." You can walk magnetic walls and ceilings, you can even scare your momma. I don't care!
- Merc: Boss, if you miss that swingshot target, you will suffer a horrible, painful death. No pressure, though.
- Dallas: Ladies and gentlemen, I am beside myself, and boy do I look good!
- Dallas: See, this is what they mean by gratuitous violence, Juanita. I'm going to call my kids and tell them to stop watching! ...Just as soon as I have kids.
- Juanita: I can't look, is Team Darkstar dead? Dallas...? Dallas?! What are you doing?!
Dallas: Nothing, just keep your eyes closed... (slap) OW!
- Dallas: This is more fun than a bus-load of cheerleaders!
- Dallas: They have to traverse what I like to call the "Chasm of Endless Falling and Eventual Dying". Good luck kids!
- Dallas: In this challenge, Team Darkstar needs to grind a cable positioned hundreds of feet above the water! Is this even safe? Of course not! This is DreadZone, baby!
- Dallas: Ratchet is kicking some proverbial butt. By proverbial, I mean...I don't know what I mean.
Merc: It means we're unstoppable.
- Dallas: Oh, this could be disaster for Team Darkstar! I put 500 bolts on this match!
Juanita: Dallas, our lives are at risk and you're gambling?!
Dallas: Oh, Juanita, don't act like you care, you never cared! Oh yeah, there we go. I popped a blood vessel--again! Um, could someone please get me a tissue?
- Juanita: That's right. Take him out, Team Darkstar! Destroy him, destroy his family, make him cry into his next life! Draaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Dallas I've never seen that before! Ladies and gentlemen, Juanita has eaten the cameraman!
- Dallas: And they're gonna be squashed like pancakes! With syrup, and butter, and jam! Oh, no! Say, can I have breakfast for dinner or is that just weird?
- Dallas: And that Lombax is terminating with extreme prejudice! It's a good thing we're out of range, eh, Juanita? We are out of range, aren't we?
- Dallas: Folks, just a reminder. Tomorrow is Kick Your Best Friend in the Pants Day! Free popcorn for everyone who participate.
- Dallas: This guy's gonna get us a lot of commercial time, Juanita. Let's just hope we don't have any more wardrobe malfunctions! (Laughs)
- Dallas: Team Darkstar is making their mark in DreadZone! Team Markstar is making their dark in RedZone! Oh, dear, I've gone cross-eyed...
- Dallas: (In the Dark Cathedral of Kronos) It's cold, it's dank, it's scary, it's just like my ex-wife!
- Dallas: Interesting fact, folks, DreadZone started over two guys fighting over a breakfast burrito, and the rest is history!
- Dallas: Ratchet's about to bite the bag and step out the door. That means die.
- Dallas: (When the Puma is damaged) Hey, don't scratch the paint on that Puma. We're giving it away on Bingo night!
- Dallas: After making his fortune selling cigarettes to children, Ratchet went on to pilot a tanker ship for planet Zexxon.
Juanita: Only a week later he got drunk and crashed his tanker on the ocean planet of Aquatos. Who can forget the graphic images of baby seals smothered in radioactive waste? (Sound of baby seal) Little Coco, never had a chance.
Al (To Ratchet) How could you! (Grabs him) What did Little Coco ever do to you?!
Ratchet: Wh, what?
Clank: Al, how can you believe these ridiculous lies?
- Clank: Excellent work, Team Darkstar.
Merc: Ya can't stop a leatherneck, we adapt and survive.
- Dallas: If Ratchet was a tough cookie, what kind of cookie would he be? I'm gonna have to go with "snickerdoodle".
- Dallas: (Nervously) Greetings, DreadZone fans, and welcome to the final episode of DreadZone...(Head flops into hands) Oh God...we're all gonna die! (Hides beneath desk)
Juanita: The mood is...positively...uh, electric, as the audience braces to find out whether they will survive...the next ten minutes. I can't believe I'm reading this.
Dallas: I had my whole life ahead of me...I was gonna be a...ballet dancer!
Juanita: Pull yourself together, you blabbering idiot! (Slaps him across the face, hard)
Dallas: Thank you, Juanita.
- Juanita: This reminds me of the Galaxy's Most Painful Home Movies, I love the part where they miss the jump and smash their crotches on the railing, so whacky!
- Juanita: This creature is clearly much too dangerous to be set free! He must be destroyed!
- Juanita: (Excited) His bots are down! He's gonna die!
- Ranking Machine: Does it bother you that you are shorter than most heroes?
- Ranking Machine: My circuits can no longer process stats of this magnitude.
- Ranking Machine: I am surprised you are still alive.
- Ranking Machine: If you believe there is an error in your score, please realize you are not that good.
- Ranking Machine: Your heroic presence rattles my friction sensors.
- Ranking Machine: Attention: Something small and furry has walked into the ranking station. Oh, it's you Ratchet.
- Ranking Machine: You are furry, much like a captive affection recipient. Or a pet.
- Ranking Machine: I am unworthy to be in your presence, hero.
- Dr. Nefarious: Huh? Lawrence, what's going on? You said that we were coming within range of a space station!
Lawrence: Well, we were, sir. How would I know that it would suddenly explode?
Dr. Nefarious: LLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCEEEEE!
[edit] Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters
- Ratchet: Well, I do have a massage scheduled in 15 minutes but... oh, what the heck!
- Ratchet: Looks like I'm gonna be late for my massage! Let's go!
- Ratchet: (In his dream) Hey, it's not your fault, I can be too stubborn sometimes.
Clank: You can hear me?
Ratchet:(In his dream) Uh, yeah, You're standing right here!
- Ratchet: There's Luna, let's get her!
Clank: Ratchet, don't you notice something strange about Luna?
Ratchet: Well, it's weird that she has a huge door in the back of her head.
Clank: And why is that?
Ratchet: Well... uh... because she's a robot?
Clank: Exactly. I believe the Technomites had deceived us from the beginning. I only do not know why.
Ratchet: Well I bet those Technomites inside her head know. (Luna flies away)
Clank: We will have to catch her first.
- Clank: I believe it is a Technomite artifact.
Ratchet: No, seriously, what is it?
Clank: It is a Technomite artifact-
Ratchet: Clank! That girl is in trouble! Everyone knows Technomites are just some fairy story parents tell kids to explain how technology works! They're not real!
Clank: I believe they do exist
(Qwark comes out of nowhere)
Qwark: I... did you... wow... that was some job, huh? (Sees the artifact) AH!! I haven't seen one of these since - okay, I've never seen one of these, but I've heard of the Technomites and their mystical objects-
Ratchet: There are... no... TECHNOMITES!!
- Ratchet: Those cameras just keep coming! What should we do?
Clank: Just ignore them, they are probably an automated security system
Ratchet: Okay. They blow up real good though.
- Ratchet: Hey Qwark, nice hat.
(Qwark starts crying)
Ratchet: Sorry, was it your mothers'?
(Qwark continues crying)
Ratchet: Dude, seriously, it's just a hat...
Qwark It's not that, it's my mother, and my father, I was put up for adoption as a baby and raised by monkeys!
Ratchet: Wow, thanks for sharing.
- Otto: This isn't about credit for our work, or respect, or what other nonsense you've come to believe. This is about power! And what is more powerful then intelligence?
Ratchet: The RYNO?
- Ratchet: Looks like Otto overlooked one thing. I'm not half as good without you.
Clank: True.
- Qwark: Papa! Is that you?
Otto: Yes it's me, you idiot... I mean son.
- Qwark: Papa! Why did you make Qwark so tiny?
- Qwark: Papa, can I have a piggyback ride?
- Ratchet: Somehow I don't think pride is what he's after.
- Ratchet: Great, can we go now? I have another massage scheduled on Pokitaru in an hour.
- T.V. Announcer: So get your Battle Ratchet today! It's the most realistic fighting toy ever! Warning: Battle Ratchet is a living creature, do not leave in original packaging without appropriate breathing holes.
[edit] Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction
- Ratchet: (Crashes hoverbike) Well, looks like we're going on foot. At least I can try out my new nav-unit.
- Ratchet: They just had to invade during rush hour!
- Clank: Ratchet! The planetary defense center is 300 cubits below us! How do you suppose we get down?!
Ratchet: I dunno, I'm kinda wingin' it right now...
- Ratchet: Cryosleep? Nah nah, there no way I'm gonna - (Falls asleep)
Clank: (laughs) It is fortunate that cryosleep does not work on robots. (Gets knocked out by a boxing glove)
- Smuggler: Don't you lay this on me, you worthless sack of Kerchu sweat! You were supposed to watch the gel gauge!
Parrot: AWK! Blame the parrot, always blame the parrot!
Clank Is everything alright, sir?
Parrot: AWK! Imperial spies, hide their bodies! AWK!!
- Starship Aphelion: Miserable, little Drophyds! I can't believe they used Seeker ammo! What a bunch of cheats!!
- Clank: What are stones? Do I have them?
Ratchet: I'll tell you later, and, no.
- Ratchet: Out of all the boneheaded things Qwarks done over the years! I just hope were not to late!
Clank: Ratchet! Qwark may be a lot of things, but I do not believe he would hand over the Dimensionator, just to spare his own life!
- Zephyr: (Holding Cronk's head) Would you hold still! I'm tryin' to re-attach yer darn head!
Cronk: Well it got blown off, protecting YOUR rusty bolts, from that Craggimite slayer!
- Clank: Message coming from somewhere, inside the city...It sounds like Captain Qwark...
Qwark: Stronghold to Deadmeat! Stronghold to Deadmeat! I'm being held prisoner, request assistance A.S.A.P...P four?
- Qwark: Deadmeat! Its dark in here! So... scared!
- Ratchet: You alright Qwark?
Qwark: That guy is so of my top eight!
- Ratchet: YES! Thats gonna add a few points to my license!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: He just cant seem to land a hit folks. This guy must be more irritated than a one-legged droid in butt kicking contest!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: See how our opponent flees his attackers. His hand between his legs, his eyes filled with tears...I taught him that trick...
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: (When you equip the Razor Claws) Gotta love Razor claws. Lethal, precise, and stunning to look at! Like me, Captain Qwark!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: (When you equip the Tornado Launcher) Sweet Jupiter! What kind of black magic voodoo does this guy wield?! He controls the forces of nature!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Whoa, that looked painful! I would turn away if I werent already completely desensitized by Holonet violence.
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Tired of losing crop after crop of jellyweed thanks to fossilmite infestation? Try Grummelnet's new and inproved Lawn Ninjas! Protecting your garden, with the quickness!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Watching this young buck fight reminds me what got me into gladiating...Honour, courage, glory! And of course the groupies, ahhhh, groupies...
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Owned! By a wrench to the skull!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Mustachio enjoys hoverball, stamp collecting, and taking long walks on the beach, with small robotic know-it-alls...When he grows up he says he wants to be just like, (gasp) Captain Qwark! How unexpected!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: Will our challenger crush Crushto? Or will he become interstellar fish food?
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: (Lethal Gas challenge) Whoa! I haven't smelled gas this lethal, since I took Helga to that all you can eat buffet on planet Veldin!
- Qwark - Imperial Fight Festival Announcer: We have a new champion! Congratulations Mustachio! You've defied the odds, and managed, not to die!
- Clank: Ratchet please understand. The dimensionator must be destroyed!
Ratchet: Why?! Cause your imaginary friends told you so?!
Qwark: Ratchet? Clank? Did I call at a bad time?
Ratchet: No, your timing was perfect Qwark...
- Captain Slag: Arrr...What be that foul, smell!
Rusty Pete: Aye, that oyster chilli be dissagreein' with me somethin' fierce...
Captain Slag: No, there be a yet fouler smell, one , I not be smellin' for nigh' 600 moons!
Rusty Pete: Fresh trousers?
- Captain Slag: Will Rusty Pete please report to the armoury, I need my cannonballs buffed to a high shine.
- Captain Slag: (Talywn throws smoke bomb at Slag and Pete) Arrr! Skewer that saucy wench!
Rusty Pete: Aye Cap'n! Skewerin'!
Captain Slag: Arrr! Me wee cannon balls!
- Zordoom Prison PA: As a reminder to all inmates, anyone caught mocking Emperor Tachyon's name, or size, will be immediately executed by a firing squad.
- Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 829C. Cognito, Slim, please report to sector twelve for transport to cryosleep chamber.
- Zordoom Prison PA: Inmate number 510D, Hardlight, Ace, please report to the mess hall for kitchen duty
- Zordoom Prison PA: Attention inmates. Anyone caught smuggling grummelnet contraband into the prison, will be forced to listen to Grubthorin folk music for 10 cycles.
- (Qwark's plan of attack)
Qwark: Zordoom prison!
A dangerous dungeon of dastardly denizens, death and destruction! A deadly den of devious, desperadoes, damaged by decades of d...uhhh...lets just say, their criminals...To infiltrate this fortified, fortress of fear, our agent, codenamed 'Deadmeat', will make his way across the grindway of certain death, traverse the walkway of tortured souls, and ascend the grav-ramp into the mouth of the jolly jackal! While I direct the operation from my townhouse of solitude, our agent will jump down the elevator shaft to the lair of eternal sorrow... It is here he will be confronted by an army of Tachyon troopers, a battalion of embattled bandits, and an entire school of Zombie Ninja Panda Bears! Good luck Deadmeat! May you die a glorious heroes death!
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Stronghold to deadmeat. Operation Deathwish, is a go...
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Just ahead of you is the Grindrail of Certain Death. You'll need to use this in order to reach the skydock.
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) With my guidance, and your fortuity, you just might make it out of here alive!
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Ok, you should be at the grav-ramp...whats the point of these things anyway, hasn't anyone ever heard of stairs?
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Ok, so there are no tortured souls, but be careful of those spotlights...they activate Zordoom's impenetrable defense systems.
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) I'm picking up multiple enemies in your sector Deadmeat, what ever you do, do not... oh, hold on, call waiting.
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) You made it? Yes, I mean you made it! Now head inside and use your Decrypter thingy ma jig to hack the brigde.
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Here it is Deadmeat, the entry point to the main cell block. Once you've hacked the elevator control, you'll be able to hurl yourself down this dark elevator shaft!
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Wow, this definitely wasn't in the plan...err gotta run!
- Qwark: (At Zordoom Prison) Hey Ratchet, while you where lounging around Zordoom, I managed to steal the coordinates to Kerchu city right off Tachyon's personal computer! No need to thank me, its all in a days work for this superhero...
[edit] Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty
- Ratchet: This is it Talwyn. Darkwater has to be here somewhere...
Talwyn: Be careful Ratchet, Merdegraw's an un-regulated planet. People have a bad habit of disappearing from here...
- Ratchet: Guys, I'm not lookin' for any (Gets pulled up by Sprocket) trouble...
Talwyn: Wait! Where just here to find a pirate. Captain Angstrom Darkwater?
Sprocket: Darkwater! Ya hear that lads? This mangey stowaway seeks the ear of a dead man. How's about we arrange a proper introduction!
- Talwyn: Ratchet, come in. There's something strange happening on this island. I'm here with some of the villagers and... well, they're talking about a curse...
Ratchet: A curse? Come on Talwyn, there's no such thing.
Talwyn: I'm sure it's nothing...I'll do some more digging and get back to you.
- Rusty Pete: Rusty Pete to Lombax, I have crucial information about Captain Darkwater! I'm droppin' anchor at the Hoolefar pier. Over an (Hiccup) and out.
- Rusty Pete: Lombax and Markazian sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-s-i-n..... eh?
- Talwyn: Ratchet come in? I was able to boost my way back to island, alone... Guess I know how Clank must feel...
- Rusty Pete: Why don't yer stand right there, mate, I'll check for booby traps
Ratchet: (In a sarcastic tone) Booby Traps, isn't that a big cliché?
Rusty Pete: Not at all mate (Hiccup). After all, your the boob... and here's the trap!
- Talwyn: Darkwater probably built these defences to keep out anyone but himself.
Ratchet: Great... I was just thinking I could do with more booby traps...
- Rusty Pete: There destination...adventure (Hiccup) ure!
Slag: Laying it on a bit thick, eh Pete?
- Rusty Pete: Here we are! Morrow Caverns! Famous for its majestic yards, soothing grottos, and legends of tortured souls awaiting their chance of revenge...
Ratchet: What?
Rusty Pete: What? I didn't say nuthin'!
Talwyn: I still don't understand why we need Slag to find Darkwater? Didn't you help him hide the ship?
Rusty Pete: Well I was a bit sauced at the time. Woke up three days late in an evening gown and spoonin' a Kerchu!
- Rusty Pete: Hundreds of undead pirates, were now free to roam the planet! And the Cap'n, now had to share a body with the pirate he killed long ago...But all in all, it was a great day! Haha!
- Ratchet: There it is... the Fulcrum star! (Runs to it and falls down a trap door) Aw crap!
Slag: Haha! Watch yer step there laddy. X doesn't always mark the spot...
Darkwater: A fair good morrow, young Lombax. I pray God preserve yer from the Pyhthors and their bellies. But don't worry, we'll take good care of yer fair sally!
- Ratchet: This is your last chance Slag! Just hand over Talwyn and the star!
Slag: Tis a fool who thinks he can reason with man, who's head he once took! Might be wantin' to return the favor! Ready the locker, Davy! Slag's got one more for ya!
[edit] Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
- Qwark: Space, its huge. So huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they would be almost impossible to find... Luckily for Ratchet, Captain Copernicus L. Qwark was on the case. His mission, rescue the Lombax's one and only friend. Yep, without Clank Ratchet was alone in the universe. Alone...alone...(camera pulls back to reveal Qwark sitting next to Ratchet)...alone!
Ratchet: (annoyed) You realize this ship has an ejector seat, right?
- Lord Flint Vorselon: (to Ratchet) I am your father...'s accountant!
- (Clank and Sigmund arrive in a Time Pad puzzle room.)
Sigmund: Aw, crud, this looks like a doozy. Computer, can you shut down the gears in sector three?
Computer: Negative, but I will cross my fingers for you.
Sigmund: (under his breath) Stupid, sarcastic, outdated piece of-
Computer: I heard that.
- Dr. Nefarious: The Great Clock! A marvel of science and sorcery, engineered by the brightest Zoni in all of existence and constructed in the exact center of the universe!!!...give or take 50 feet.
- On-board Computer: What floor, please?
Ratchet: Um, detention wing? (elevator goes to detention wing)... Wow, can't believe that worked.
On-board Computer: What was that?
Ratchet: Nothing!
- Qwark: Honorable lizard things, I understand your proud warrior ways. The Nabla tribesman of Florana once referred to me as Tikik-wraakraak! (chicken), or "he with mighty peaks, who had delivered us serenity." But we cannot kill this creature...
Battleplex Announcer: Gladiator must kill the War Grok, or die!
Ratchet: (Being attacked by War Grok) Qwark! This thing is trying to eat me!
Qwark: This Lombax is young...he does not understand that being a hero is; 45% strength, 60% bravery, and 10% raw intelligence...
Ratchet: That's 115 percent!!
Qwark: You're welcome...
- Qwark: Okay...the key to surviving situations like this is to avoid phrases like, "it's too quiet in here" or "everything's going to be alright"
- Qwark: Dr. Nefarious has no authority here, villain. In fact, I'm not even entirely convinced he's a real doctor! So return my sidekick's pal before I bring the thunder...
- Ratchet: I know, I know. It was touch and go there for awhile, but the old Lombax instinct kick in and eh-
Alister Azimuth: You fool! I told you to leave me. You shouldn't have come back!
Ratchet: Wow. That was not the reaction I was expecting.
- (Ratchet, Clank and Qwark are in the trash compactor of Nefarious' space station)
Qwark: Here we are, the final showdown between good and evil. Can you smell that, *sniffs* that's drama baby!
Ratchet: I smell something, and it's defiantly not drama...
Qwark: Hey, look on the bright side! At least we're not being squished to death by the pistons.
On-board Computer: Crush compactors initiated. Prepare to be compacted.
Qwark: Cover me! I'm about to something impressive. (Holding Compactors outwards) Muscles, aching, arms burning, calves...looking good!
On-board Computer: Blockage detected in trash compactor 714. Shutting down compactor.
Qwark: Ratchet, did you hear that? I did it! Ha ha! Technology, I just made you my-
- Aphelion: My weapons are still online. I can make it look like an accident.
Ratchet: That's OK Aphelion, lets go...
- (Ratchet and clank return from the past, after saving the Fongoid settlement)
Yurik: Hey! Do I know you two? You look awfully familiar.
Ratchet: Errr, nope! First time here!
Clank: And our second, heh heh heh heh he...
- (Ratchet enters another death trap)
Ratchet: Aw, man!
Cassiopeia: Hello, Ratchet I see-
Ratchet: Yeah, I know. Time for another death trap.
- (Agorians when Ratchet is about to enter portal to Battleplex)
Haha, what is it? Feeding time?
Where do you think your going?!
Hey Shaun! Look! Its your mom! Hahaha
Were gonna snap you in half...
Hey Halfpipe! You must be lost!
You've got to be kiddin me!
Look what we have here fellas! A lombax!
Go in! I dare ya!
He's a wee little fella aint he?
Get a load of this guy!
Dead lombax walking!
Have a deathwish do ya? Heh heh
He must be here on a school trip
Playground's back were you came from!
What is it? A rat? A fox? Some kind of space possum?!
