Robin Hood (2006 TV series)
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In 2006, the BBC released a new Robin Hood drama, starring Jonas Armstrong in the title role. A second series of the show started airing in 2007. Both series consisted of 13 episodes.
[edit] Series 1 (2006)
[edit] Will You Tolerate This? (1.01)
- [Much yelling at the Sheriff's guards as they leave, after being fooled.]
- Much: We have won, and they should be ASHAMED! SHAME ON YOU! Come back here again and my master and I shall see that you leave with more than just your TAILS between your legs!
- Head Guard: "My master and I"? There are only two of them!
- Much: [Wide-eyed.] I shouldn't have said that.
- Much: In fact, I can feel a song coming on.
- Robin: No! No song! Absolutely no song!
- Much: It'd be a cheery song.
- Robin: And it would be a tragedy, too! A tragedy for you to have survived the Turk, and made it to within a few miles of Locksley, only to be killed by your own master!
- Much: You know, it is lucky I do not readily take offense! You know, a smaller man would be offended! A smaller man would be wounded!
- Robin: And a cleverer man would sing fewer songs!
- Much: [To Dan Scarlett.] We are home unscathed. Well... scathed. Very scathed. But happy. And hungry. Mostly hungry.
- Much: [After talking with Jeffory.] That man is a showoff. If there are no eggs left, I'm going after him.
- Marian: My father seems to think he should see you. Come tonight after midnight. Our house is watched, take care not to be seen.
- Robin: Don't worry, I can look after myself.
- Marian: Do you think I care about you? I care about my father. Do you think you can slight these people in public and get away with it. You are a fool.
- Marian: Five years later and you're still peddling the same old drivel. Does it ever work?
- Robin: You'd be surprised.
- Marian: Amazed.
- Jailer: Give your names!
- Will: Will and Luke Scarlett.
- Robin: What is your crime?
- Will: Living in the wrong place at the wrong time. Living under an evil Sheriff. Where do our taxes go? They go to Nottingham, to the Sheriff.
- Woodvale: It has been a good month. We've collected nearly £300.
- Sheriff: Would you want to be the King in Antioch - a clue: no - trying to feed a starving army on £300, when you promised £500?
- Woodvale: It's more than we ever managed before.
- Sheriff: [sarcastic] Oh, yippee! So the King is starving in the Holy Land and you have failed him, but [whiny voice] "It's more than we ever managed before!"
- Sheriff: Rumours abound.
- Robin: What rumours?
- Sheriff: That you are weak. That you have returned weakened from your exertions in the Holy Land.
- Much: My master returns with honours, honours from the King!
- Sheriff: Mmm. Well, the greater honour would have been to have stood and fought with him, surely?
- Robin: [sternly] I have visited my peasants in your dungeons. They have committed grave crimes...
- Much: Master, surely--
- Robin: ... which would make all the more compassionate your gesture of pardoning them!
- Sheriff: Pardoning them? I will see them hang in the morning. You yourself said that we risk rebellion. We must have order.
- Robin: It is custom for the Sheriff to hear his nobles' requests for clemency--!
- Sheriff: La-di-da-di-da! Oh, by the way, in your absence we nominated you to oversee tomorrow's entertainment.
- Robin: No.
- Sheriff: Oh, you don't want these rumours of weakness to spread, hm? Better scotch them now, otherwise we'll all pay.
- [As Bendedict Giddens, Will and Luke Scarlett and Alan-a-Dale are about to hang]
- Sheriff: May the souls--
- Jeffrey: [disguised as a priest] WAIT!
- Sheriff: [exasperated] "Oh, nah, nah, nah! Please don't kill my brother, my little baby, my INBRED COUSIN!"
- Jeffrey: On behalf of Anthony, our bishop, I claim benefit of clergy for these men. They cannot hang.
- Sheriff: These are not holy men. These people cannot plead the cloth. Get on with it.
- Jeffrey: I came last night to administer their last rites.
- Sheriff: ... So?
- Jeffrey: And each one came to God through me, repenting their sins and asking to take the cloth. I felt duty-bound to consult the bishop, and he in turn confers status of novice unto each man.
- Sheriff: Shut up.
- Jeffrey: [reading from a piece of parchment] "I, Anthony, very Reverend Vicar Apostolic, hereby confer—"
- Sheriff: SHUT UP!!!! [turns to Canon Richard] Is this possible?
- Canon Richard: They could not have become novices overnight.
- Jeffrey: They are become postulants!... Novice novices, if you like. And so are under the protection of the Church!
- [Awkward silence]
- Sheriff: Novice novices! How novel. Well, [points to the gallows] hang them [points to Jeffrey] and arrest him.
[edit] Sheriff Got Your Tongue? (1.02)
- Robin: [About the Sheriff.] Stop him. I'm going to stop him.
- Much: We can't... stop... the Sheriff. Only the Crown can withdraw his license.
- Robin: When the King returns, he will have his comeuppance. Until then we will scope out his sadistic punishments. We will stop his insane taxes and give them back to the poor, where they belong! We will rob him! And if you dead men had had spines in your backs, that's what you would've been doing for the last five years.
- Robin: [About the Sheriff.] I do not know why Englishmen travel two thousand miles to fight the heathen... when the real cancer's right here.
- Marian: I also told you confronting the Sheriff wouldn't work. You didn't listen to that.
- Robin: I didn't have much choice.
- Marian: Everything is a choice, everything we do! Grow up.
- Much: [Grabbing onto Robin's sleeves.] Master, no! You cannot go back in there. If you go back in and die, then I will die. Of grief. So you must come now, if only to save me.
- Robin: [Likewise holding Much's arms.] Yes, and THAT... is why I love you.
[edit] Who Shot The Sheriff? (1.03)
- Sheriff: [To his Master of Arms.] Do you think... two deaths are enough, hmm? To get them to really turn against him, to rebel? If we're going to blame Hood, well, let's do it properly. What d'you think? Hmm? I think maybe a few more deaths'd be interesting-- you know, pretty deaths, not just bored but pretty deaths.
- Allan: [As Robin explains he's going to the castle.] Got some ideas where I could get in.
- Robin: Go on.
- Allan: Well, d'you want clever or really clever?
- Robin: I want fast.
- Sheriff: [As he wakes up, and sees his potential attacker is simply Robin.] Why can it never be a beautiful woman?
- [About Marian's activity as the Nightwatchman.]
- Marian: My father had me taught to fight... He wanted me to have choices in the world. And I choose to help the poor. You are not about to stop me doing that.
- Robin: But does your father know what you're doing?
- Marian: He... thinks I enjoy embroidery.
[edit] Parent Hood (1.04)
- Robin: "For every man there is a purpose which he sets up in his life. Let yours be the doing of all good deeds." [Shrugs.] That's us, lads.
- Will: Is that the Bible?
- Robin: It's the Qur'an.
- Will: What's that?
- Much: It's the Turk Bible. He read it in the Holy Land.
- Allan: Why?
- Robin: [Shrugs again.] I wanted to know what it was that we were fighting.
- Sheriff: Royston White! "I fight for King and Country!" Blahdy-blahdy-blah.
- Sheriff: I have a favor to ask. I would be very grateful if you'd, uh... [Holds up a dagger.] ...use this on our mutual friend, Robin Hood.
- Roy: I'd sooner kill my own mother.
- Sheriff: [Laughs, knowing he has Roy's mother as a prisoner.] Yes... What an amazing coincidence.
- Robin: So, when I was in the Holy Land, you must have had suitors.
- Marian: I must have.
- Robin: Well, you've got to admit, it is surprising you're not married.
- Marian: It is, and yet when one cosiders that marriage requires a man, perhaps not.
- Robin: A challenge. Aaahh!
- Marian: A statement.
- Robin:AAAH!
- 'Marian:That hurt?
- Robin:YES!!
- Marian: Good.
- Robin: Why is it everything you say of me sounds like a criticism?
- Marian: I do not know. Perhaps this is the way that we have chosen, always different directions.
- Robin: Can you take the baby? His mother lives in Knighton.
- Marian: What? Because I'm a woman.
- Robin: No, because I have to go. My men are waiting.
- Marian: The call of the wild.
- Roy: [As his mother is about to be hanged.] YOU'LL ROT IN HELL FOR THIS!
- Sheriff: Really? Just for this?
- Marian: I'm going... [points to her right] ...this way.
- Robin: I'm going... [points the opposite way.]
- Marian: Always opposite directions...
- Marian: [Sending food over walls attached to arrows] You know that's a waste of arrows
- 'Robin Hood: No!
- Marian: You could just throw them over.
- Robin Hood: Yeah you could. But where would be the fun in that?
[Robin takes on a knight in hand to hand combat with the baby in hand. He gets punched around the face and flies back]
- Robin Hood: Do you mind? I'm just trying to get the baby to sleep!
[Kills the knight]
[repeated line]
- Roy: My name is Royston White, I fight for Robin Hood and King Richard!
[edit] Turk Flu (1.05)
- Gisbourne: Nothing like a tragedy to bring out the do-gooders.
- The Sheriff : Women, how can they manage to hit that particular pitch that makes you want to Pierce your Eardrum with a stick?
- [The slaver the outlaws let go comes running in, out of breath]
- Sheriff: I think he wants us to follow him...
- Slaver: [gasping] The mine...!
- Sheriff: [nodding] The mine...
- Slaver: [gasping] Robin Hood...!
- Sheriff: [nodding] Robin Hood...
- Slaver: Fire!
- Sheriff: Robin Hood, mine, fi-! [realises] SOLDIERS!!! SOLDIERS!!
[Djaq is hiding behind a rock a little way from Much, who is sitting in front of an unlighted fire. She lights the fire using her glass]
- Much: [gasps] A sign! Which means I have to fast...
[Djaq throws a dead rabbit on the ground next to Much]
- Much: Except God wants me to eat!
[Djaq throws another dead rabbit] Much: Quite a lot!
- 'Robin Hood: [Laughs] Djaq. Come and join us.
- Guard for Slave transport: I thought you were gonna slit me throat!
- Robin Hood: No we don't slit throats.
[pause]
- Robin Hood: It's too messy.
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Forget the outlaws, save the mine!
- Robin Hood: [as he escapes] Never forget the outlaws!
[edit] The Taxman Cometh (1.06)
- Robin: [To the Sheriff] A taxman who's not a taxman, nuns no one's ever heard of? I think we've both been had.
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Underneath all that haughty, there's quite a bit of naughty!
[edit] Brothers In Arms (1.07)
- Allan: This, my friends, is an ambush.
- Robin: (to George after the man thought he had stabbed Robin) Only joking! (knocks George out)
(After Robin and his gang had stolen everything from George they go through the forest and immediately they see some villages that were going to whip some men.)
- Robin: Oi! Stop! What are you doing?
- Woman: We're going to give these a good horse whipping.
- Robin: Why?
- Woman: He stole this. (shows Robin a necklace) My mother gave it to me on my wedding day. It's the only thing of value I own.
- Tom: You touch us and you'll be in big trouble. We are Robin Hoods men!
[Robin looks to Much confused.]
- Tom: Robin Hood could swing out these trees any time and bash your brains out!
- Much: Oh, surely Robin Hood couldn't take on all of us.
- Tom: Robin wouldn't be scared of you. You're girls compared to him and his men!
[Allan reaches the others.]
- Allan: Tom?
- Tom: Allan.
- Much: Do you know him?
- Allan: He is my brother.
- Allan hits Tom into the face and grabs his jacket.
- Allan: My purse, my sword, my horse.
- Tom: I can explain. My nose! What kind of thing is that to do to a brother? Is it broken?
- Allan: I say, whip him!
- Tom: If you touch me again Robin will string you up on the tallest oak in Sheerwood Forest!
- Allan: This is Robin Hood, you idiot!
- Tom: The thing is, I woke up and we'd both been robbed! And rather than wake you, I went off to catch the thieves myself. I chased them for days!
- Allan: He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it.
- Much: Runs in the family then?
- Allan: Don't make us gang up on you.
- Tom: Is he disrespecting our family?
- Much: You rob each other in your family!
- Marian: What?
- Robin: Nothing.
- Marian: You were looking at me.
- Robin: No! It's just the way my eyes were pointing.
[Robin tries to kiss Marian]
- Marian: That won't help you make your decision.
- Robin: Well, it might!
- Marian: It won't.
- Marian: The truth? The truth is, this country is being choked to death. The truth is, honest people are being forced to lie and cheat and steal.
- Marian: I would never marry him. I despise Robin Hood.
- Gisbourne: Really? So what about me? Will you...marry...me?
- Marian: Yes. I will marry you. I will marry you the day King Richard returns to England. [Gisbourne leans in but Marian turns her head.] Shall we go downstairs and tell your father the good news?
- Gisbourne: Yes. I have an apology to make. [Walks away.]
- Marian: [Turns and closes the shutters.] Sorry.. [Said to Robin.]
[Robin Hood and his men prepare to rescue Alan-A-Dale's brother from a hanging as the Sheriff addresses the crowd]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: All those eager faces. You're all expecting Robin Hood to turn up, aren't you? Hmm? Do a few tricks with his bow and arrow?
[chuckles]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Well, this is no time for schoolboy tricks. This is justice. We have laws. Robin Hood has no respect for the law. Robin Hood flouts the law. He would have us all be criminals, murdering and stealing. And yet still, you wait there, expecting him to come and save one of his own. Yes, of course you do, which is why... I have brought the hanging forward by one hour, look up there!
[soldiers reveal hanging bodies on the battlements]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: You're too late, Robin Hood! Your men are already dead! Oh, I wish you could have seen the look on their faces just before they realised that you weren't coming to rescue them. Oh, it was very moving. First there was disappointment, tinged with confusion, soon to be replaced by anger, and then tears, just before they realised that it was the final, fatal drop - it was very moving, it was very touching.
[claps]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Yes, I wish you could have seen that, Hood! Well, thank you very much.
[to crowd]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, will one of you tell Robin Hood, if you do see him? Thank you. Eager, smiling faces. Good.
[whistles]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: All in a day's work. Ha-ha. Sheriff coming through!
- Much: We have a problem.
- Robin Hood: We have many problems. Most of them guard-shaped.
Allan A Dale: I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. Bury him, dig him up and kill him again.
[edit] Tattoo? What Tattoo? (1.08)
- Allan: You see, the thing is...
- Will: I think I love her..
- Allan: [at the same time] I really like her!
[They look at each other in uncomfortable silence.]
- Robin: There is no way Gisborne went to the Holy Land without your say-so.
- Sheriff: [feigning ignorance] Holy Land? Gisborne?
- Robin: I have proof! On his arm, his tattoo! People in the King's Guard have heard of that tattoo, and when they return from the Holy Land, he will pay! And you will pay!
- Sheriff: Tattoo? [pours Djaq's acid over Gisborne's arm, erasing the tattoo] What tattoo? [to a screaming Gisborne] SHUT UP, YOU BIG JESTER!!!
- Sheriff: [after pouring acid on Gisborne's arm] Stop mewling, Gisborne! Maybe in future, you'll think twice before painting your arm like a girl!
- Allan A Dale: Are you alright?
- Djaq: Are *you* alright?
- Allan A Dale: I thought we were saving you!
- Djaq: Now I'm saving you.
- Allan A Dale: No, but we're men and you're a woman!
- Djaq: Irritating, isn't it?
- Much: [after Robin decides on a risky plan] *There is* something wrong with you.
- Robin Hood: [grinning] Mmm-hmm.
[edit] A Thing Or Two About Loyalty (1.09)
- Much: Prince John, in the absense of good King Richard, has turned this country into a state of terror! His followers are thugs! Our taxes are too high! People are starving! What does one have to do to get arrested around here? (attacks guard) Arrest me!
- Guards: [Drag Much away.]
- Much: Thank you!
- Sheriff: [about a captured Much] Now, what is this creature doing here?
- Gisborne: This is one of Robin Hood's inner circle. This is his right-hand man.
- Sheriff: [sarcastic] Oh, bravo!
- Gisborne: He can tell us all we need to know about the outlaws.
- Sheriff: Like what? Hm? That Robin Hood is against us? That he keeps moving his camp on? Hm? There's nothing to know!
- Gisborne: All right. So hang him, then. Make an example.
- Sheriff: Brilliant! A clue: no. Hang him, and you have an instant martyr. Suddenly, everybody loves Robin Hood!
- Allan: Anyone fancy a wager? Yeah? Who thinks he can get out on his own?
- Robin: Trust me, Allan. Much can do it.
- Allan: We talking about the same Much?
- Much: You are surely a spy and this is trap...of sorts.
- Eve: I beg to differ, My Lord. I am just Eve, your servant here, and I'll do my best to please you. This is a lovely place and it's warm here. Especially at night.
- Much: Yes, we'll see. I mean, I must say this is very pleasant...as traps go.
- Will: I'm burning this!
- Djaq: Will, no!
- John: [Grabs the ledger from Will's hand.] Steady.
- Will: This is not science. This is murder.
- Djaq: Think of this as progress. Other scientists could do much better things with Greek fire!
- Allan: Yeah! You could blow up the whole castle with that stuff!
- Gisborne: Hood got there first. The ledger's gone.
- Sheriff: [looking over a chessboard] Didn't you tell me that you'd hidden the barrels of black powder?
- Gisborne: ... Yes, I did.
- Sheriff: [moves the white rook across the chessboard] Who else did you tell?
- Gisborne: No one.
- Sheriff: So how did he find it before you? [silence] Were you followed, Gisborne?
- Gisborne: No.
- [The Sheriff nods - then suddenly picks up the white king and hurls it at Gisborne]
- Sheriff: YOU FOOL!!! WE'VE BEEN SET UP!!! Now you dispatch every man-who-can to the caves, find Eve and fetch me my horse!
- [After Robin destroys the black powder hidden in the cave]
- Sheriff: Life is a cruel mistress, Gisborne. [pause] Clean up your mess.
[edit] Peace? Off! (1.10)
- Much: That's a gift?
- Prince Malik: It was. A peace offering.
- Allan Peace? Let's stick needles in his head, see how he likes it!
- Prince Malik: And this is what happens when cousins marry.
- Much: I call it the Much touch.
[Marian petting her horse by her stables; Robin enters.]
- Robin: Don't tell me the Nightwatchman's been dipping into the profits?
- Marian: Some men find pleasure in giving women gifts.
- Robin: This is a lot of gift. And tell me, how were you planning on reciprocating?
- Marian: Maybe you'd find out if you gave me a gift. As it is you only come out of the woodwork to ask for favors, like now. So?
[Robin caught a Saracen.]
- Djack: This is prince Mhalec Al Ajubi Ibm Chati!
[The name doesn't say anything to Robin.]
- Djack: Nephew of Saladin! I served under him.
- Much: The Saladin?
- Allan: Oops!
- Robin: Maybe that's the real magic. Listening.
[Robin walkes away while whistling.]
- Much: Why don't you listen to me more then, master? Master!
- Robin: What? Sorry. Sorry, did you say something?
- Much: Unbelivable! You talked me about listening and you don't listen.
- Robin:Pardon?
- Much: You talked to me about listening!
[Robin starts laughing.]
- Much: Very funny!
- Prince Malik: Enough excuses! We must start the peace negotiations tonight. Every day that passes, more innocent lives are lost--
- Sheriff: Yardy-yardy-yar.
- Prince Malik: I warn you, Sheriff: I have heard aspersions cast on your honesty!
- Sheriff: [in mock surprise] Aspersions? Surely not!
- Prince Malik: Now I insist. We start the talks today, or I travel to London and find Prince John myself!
- Sheriff: You see, Gisborne? This is what you have to look forward to. Already, he's starting to sound like a wife.
- Prince Malik: HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!
- Sheriff: [after mouthing his words obnoxiously] Two words: Peace? Off! Throw him in the dungeon!
- (Robin, his gang and the Sheriff are all chased by Saladin's assassins)
- Guard: Get them! Stop them!
- Robin: Forget us! Watch the entrance!
- Sheriff: [entering behind Robin] YOU HEARD HIM!!! GUARD THE DOORS!!!
- Much: The Sheriff's with us?!
- Prince Malik: Did no-one ever tell you that fools do not deserve to be rescued?
- Robin: This is not a rescue yet, Malik.
- Sheriff: Oh, la-di-da-di-da! Will you two just shut up?!
- (After Robin and his gang, the Sheriff and Harold team up against the assassins)
- Sheriff: [points at Malik] Get him, Prince Bismillah... far away... from here!
- Prince Malik: The feeling is mutual.
- Sheriff: [to Robin] And Locksley, remember - business as usual tomorrow.
- Robin: I look forward to it.
[edit] Dead Man Walking (1.11)
- Alice: [kneeling] My son! You have imprisoned him.
- Sheriff: Get that woman out of here!
- Alice: He was arrested in Locksley this morning. He's just a boy--
- Sheriff: What did she say?
- Gisborne: This is the business of the bowmaker and his boy. The outlaw collaborators.
- Sheriff: Ah. And this is the mother of the child? Oh come on, have some compassion, Gisborne. Surely she should be allowed to see her son! Such insistent maternal concern... Well, it should stir pity. Such a pretty face should inspire our respect. [grabs Alice by the hair] But this one, however, conceals deceit! Disloyalty! So, take her away. Have her put in the cell with her son and the cooper. One bad apple in the family, and we punish the whole barrel.
- Robin: Charity starts at home, Vaisey!
- Sheriff: NOT IN MY HOME!!!
- [Little John is about to kill the Sheriff]
- Alice: You said you were no murderer.
- Little John: Not of men. This is a DEVIL!
- Sheriff: [grinning] Good answer!
- Alice: For our son's sake.
- Sheriff: [in a childish voice] "Mommy, mommy..."
- [Little John sighs and lets him up]
- Sheriff: Ha! You just couldn't—-
- [Little John punches him out]
- [After the interrupted Festival of Pain, the Sheriff has ended up tied to his own Chair of Delights]
- Sheriff: [as Gisborne removes his gag] Aaaah... AAAARGH!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS, GISBORNE!!! GET OFF MY MONEY!!! GET OFF MY-- AAAARGH, AAAAARGH...!!!
- Little John: [About his son, to the Gang] Him, I am proud to know. You, I'm stuck with.
[edit] The Return Of The King (1.12)
- Much: I hate the cave.
- Allan: It's gonna rain again and it's dry in there.
- Much: It's dark and it's, you know, horrible.
- Robin: We voted, Much.
- Allan: And you lost. Five-one.
- Much: Yeah, well. I should have two votes, because I really don't like the cave. In fact, I should have three, because I really, really don't like the cave.
- Robin: I should have never gone to war. It was a mistake, and you were right, I wanted glory and believe me the battlefield is the last place you’ll find it.
- Marian: You would always have regretted it if hadn't gone.
- Robin: But not as much as I regret going. Not as much as I regret leaving you. Marian, I-
- Djaq: I love you you, you love me, we all love each other. Drink 'ze wine.
- Much:What do girls eat anyway?
- Djaq:Special girls food.
[edit] A Clue: No (1.13)
- Sheriff: You're getting slack, my friend! Could it have been easier for me? Hm? If you'd led me by the hand to your little hidey-hole? A clue: no!
- Sheriff: Bored now. Kill them!
- Much: John... I think we're gonna die.
- John: A good day. [paints mud on his face like warpaint]
- Much: ... What?
- John: A good day... to die!
- Much: What?!
- John: It's a saying.
- Much: I hate sayings...!
- Sheriff: YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!!! YOU COST ME MY TOOTH!!!
- Gisborne: It would have been nice to have dealt with Hood before the King returns. [the Sheriff laughs] What?
- Sheriff: The King is not coming.
- Gisborne: What do you mean, "the King is not coming"?
- Sheriff: He is in the Holy Land. I have arranged an imposter. Think about it: is the real King, who spent God-knows-how-long ghting in the Holy Land, going to stop off in Nottingham on his way home for a chat? A clue: no!
- Gisborne: Why?
- Sheriff: How many of our friends are against us, hm? Our pathetic lords - Merton, Woodvale, Edward, hm? How many of them are scheming, smiling at us, lying, biding their time, nodding their heads, all the while preparing for the return of their King, the precious Richard the Lionheart, preparing? Hm? To turn against us the minute he walks through that door?
- Gisborne: I don't know.
- Sheriff: None of them have ever seen the King. So, this way we nd out, hm? The plots bubble to the surface! The rats come scurrying out of the woodwork!
- Gisborne: Why didn't you tell me?
- Sheriff: [sarcastic] Oh, sorry. Nothing personal, hm? Anyway, you should thank me. You get to marry the girl.
- Gisborne: Yeah, but based on a lie. The King is not really coming.
- Sheriff: Oh, isn't that despicable! I don't know how you could possibly live with yourself!
- Marian: My father! I must go to Nottingham!
- Gisborne: Your father will be safe; I have made provisions for him. You see, as my father-in-law he is protected. As my father-in-law.
- Marian: You are cruel!
- Much: This is wrong!
- Priest: You must have legal grounds to object or remain silent!
- Much: Well... I HAVE MORAL GROUNDS!
- "King Richard": Arrest Sheriff Vaisey!
- Sheriff: ... Me?
- "King Richard": Take him to the dungeons!
- Sheriff: Me?! [as he is dragged away] Me?! BLITHERING OAF!!! ME?! ARREST THEM!!! ARREST ALL OF THEM!!! THESE IDIOTIC BUFFOONS...!!!
- Sheriff: [Pretending to be a scribe] Do you wish to give evidence against the Sheriff?
- Robin: [Shoots arrows onto his sleeves, pinning him to the table] A clue: no!
- Robin: I think it's fair to say that an audience with the king has been suspended!
[edit] Series 2 (2007)
[edit] Sisterhood (2.01)
- Sheriff: Speaking of our lady-leper-friends, time to go and get the pretty one... and her daddy.
- Guy: Edward and Marian. If they resist, shall I use force?
- Sheriff: Get up to speed, Gisborn - use force anyway.
- Marian: I fear we're not to welcome in the corridors of power at the moment.
- Robin: Good. Come and join my gang then.
- Marian: In your dreams.
- [Robin and Marian kiss.]
- Robin: Listen.
- Marian: What?
- Robin: That kiss spoke for you.
- Marian: What did it say?
- Robin: It said, "Marian wants to come and join your gang."
- Marian: Really, that's not what I heard. What I heard was a little voice saying, "Abandon your home, abandon your father, to take up arms with a man who thinks that resistance is about showing off with a bow."
- Robin: That's not fair!
- Marian: To do what? To wait for a king, who lets face it, may or may not make it home.
- Robin: So you've been thinking about it then.
- Davina: That's your real problem isn't it Hood, you need people to love you.
- Robin: It's better than needing reptiles to love you.
- Davina: My brother loves me.
- Robin: Like I said.
- Sheriff: [as Marian and her father, Edward, enter] Ah, the sanctimonious old fart... and her father! [chuckles] I gather you've been careless with your wood re.
- Marian: You know full well that is not the case.
- Sheriff: Tell me - whose side are you on? Mine or King Richard's? Hm? The real world... or the old world?
- Edward: Yours.
- Sheriff: No. Come along! We both know that's not true, don't we?
- Edward: I believe in justice. I believe in the rights of a free man.
- Sheriff: [sneering] Who cares... what you believe in? Hm? I have a plan, and I will not tolerate dissent. So, you are under house arrest, here in the castle, until I can nd some use for you.
- Marian: My lord Sheriff, I must protest.
- Sheriff: You must?
- Marian: My father is unwell. He must be allowed to--
- Sheriff: One more word out of you, missy, and your father will never be unwell again!
- Sheriff: A double execution. Very good!
- Robin: Who died?
- Marian: You did. The Sheriff said you were dead.
- [Robin and Marian kiss]
- Marian: A little voice saying, "Yes, when the king is home and safe again."
- Much: You are not weak!
- Allan: I might get weak. Anyway it doesn`t matter to you.
- Much: Why?
- Allan: You have always been weak!
[edit] The Booby And The Beast (2.02)
- Sheriff: Am I to drown in everybody else's incompetence, whilst Robin Hood steals everything that is rightfully mine?! A clue: no! Do something about it, Gisborne!
- Guy of Gisborne: Well, my lord, now we know the stronghold works. It stopped Hood dead in his tracks.
- Sheriff: NOT DEAD ENOUGH!!! Stealing money from me on the way here is one thing. Stealing it from under my very nose is another! The Black Knights are coming, expecting their share-out, Gisborne! AT THIS RATE, THERE'LL BE NOTHING LEFT TO SHARE!!! I want Hood caught, Gisborne! I want him DEAD!
- Sheriff: The Count Friedrich of Bavaria is one of the richest aristocrats in Europe, by all accounts. Stupid too, so you and he should get on. He also has a weakness for gambling.
- Gisborne: Your alterations to the Great Hall.
- Sheriff: Yes. We will extend the Count every courtesy, Gisborne. I've taken my bath six months early for a reason! And then... [smiles evilly] we shall take the inbred booby for every penny that he's got.
- Sheriff: [in his new casino] This world is full of idiots, waiting to be parted from their money. But as you know... the house always wins!
- Robin: England needs me.
- Marian: England needs us.
- Robin: And I need you.
- Gisborne: ... The strongroom...!
- Sheriff: ... GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!!!!!!!!
- [After Robin successfully robs the Sheriff's secret loot]
- Sheriff: My war chest, and the booby's money. [grabbing Gisborne] But they can't have done! No, no! [walks away from him, exasperated] No. [throwing a tantrum] NO!!! [kicks a guard in the knees] NO!!! [grabs him and throws him into another guard] NO!!! [punches another guard] NO!!! [starts to punch another] NNNNNNNNNNOOO!!! [slaps him lightly instead]
[edit] Childhood (2.03)
- Much: Here [hands little John and Allan a plate of food]
- Little John: I thought you said chicken?
- Allan: Yeah, this is a pretty small chicken, Much.
- Will: Yeah, again.
- Djaq: And have you seen in the trees? No squirrels lately.[looks at Will]
- Much: It's not squirrel!
- Djaq:We are surrounded by edible berries and leaves!Where's the fruit, the salad?
- Will: Salad?
- Little John: Men? Eating leaves?
- Allan:There is only one use for leaves around here and you wouldn't want to be eatin' them afterwards.
[edit] The Angel Of Death (2.04)
- Robin: Marian, what are you doing here?
- Marian: Someone's impersonating me.
- Robin: I know. I think they're giving out poison pies.
[edit] Ducking and Diving (2.05)
- Much: What? You think he's getting information?! From one of us? No... Master surely it's a mistake! A traitor?! Who? That's why you sent up back to camp! Because you suspect... you suspect me?!
- Robin: Much, I have to suspect everybody!
- Much: That's me, you suspect me?!
- Robin: Much, go back to the camp!
- Much: What do I have to do to prove my loyalty to you? What? Tell me! What? I'll chop off my own arms! Well...one arm because once I chop that off then...I wouldn't be able to...chop off...the other.
- Matilda: Robin of Locksley. [as she rubs on Robin's beard] What's that beard? It's not either grown nor shaven, make up your mind!
- Matilda: A bee failed to kill him, and quack failed to kill him! I'll be damned if a boy I delivered into this world sneaks in and finishes off one of my patients!
- Robin: Matilda, I can't let him live to speak his treason.
- Matilda: [Sighs] So it's not his life your afraid, then? It's his tongue.
- Robin: So...should we just cut out his tongue?
- Matilda: [Smacks Robin on the head.] Men! Always thinking in a straight line!
- Matilda: [to the Sheriff] YOU... WEASEL-FACED... WHORE'S SON!!!
- Sheriff: Sorry, who, Robin? No, Robin's not here! [laughs]
[edit] For England...! (2.06)
- Winchester: Oh gag her, for God's sake. She's pretty until she speaks.
- Sheriff: Little Robin redbreast is about to become fried chicken!
- Sheriff: You wanted a word. What was the word?
- Winchester: Sussex.
- Sheriff: Sussex?
- Winchester: Sussex.
- Sheriff: Sussex. Hmm...
- Winchester: I want it.
- Sheriff: Sussex?!
- Gisborne: You cannot give him Marian!
- Sheriff: I HAVE LOST SUSSEX!!! SUSSEX!!! AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS BLEAT ABOUT A GIRL?!?! I want a HANGING!
- Gisborne: What?
- Sheriff: Find me somebody to hang! I want to see somebody TWITCH!
- [Guards come in with Allan]
- Guard: My lord, this man said you were going to see him.
- Gisborne: Not now!
- Sheriff: [pointing at Allan] He'll do.
- Allan: What for?
- Sheriff: Hang him.
- Allan: What?!
- Gisborne: No, this man works for me.
- Sheriff: So?
- Gisborne: So, he was my spy in Hood's camp.
- Sheriff: "Was"?
- Gisborne: Hood found him out.
- Sheriff: Well, he's served his purpose then, hasn't he?!
- Gisborne: My lord, he might still prove useful--
- Sheriff: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME, GISBORNE!!! Now you go and nd that lady leper friend of yours, and you take her to see the nice Lord Winchester, then you bring him before me with a hood over his HEAD!!!
- Allan: Hang on a minute, I'm on your team now! And I can help, honest! Guy?
- Sheriff: [to Gisborne] La! [to Allan] Di-da-di-da!
[edit] Show Me The Money (2.07)
- Marian: Well, green doesn't suit me.
- Allan: Robin, please. I'm not Judas.
- Robin: And I'm no Jesus. (punches Alan in the stomach)
- Marian: It took you a long time to tell me that.
- Robin: Tell you what?
- Marian: You know... [that he loves her]
- Robin: I must have been half concussed.
- Marian: Well you'll be fully concussed if you don't watch out.
- Marian: My father died thinking he had a wilful daughter.
- Robin: No! He gave me a message. "It's good to dream."
[edit] Get Carter! (2.08)
- Sheriff: Stop whining, Gisborne. If I wanted a wife, I'd have found one with better legs!
- Marian: Don't ever tie me up!
- Robin: Well you didn't listen to your orders!
- Marian: People were dying!
- Robin: Marian, you can't be seen with us!
- Marian: Why not?! Robin, I am with you!
- Robin: Cause if the sheriff finds out or Gisborne then you can never go back to the castle.
- Marian: I don't want to go back.
- Robin: Well, I'm glad, but you're not ready to make that decision.
- Robin: Just go and cook something.
- Marian: Why, because I'm a woman?
- Robin: No, because I'm hungry!
- Sheriff: By the way, Marian sends a message.
- Guy of Gisborne: What message?
- Sheriff: "I'm not coming back, get over it... and for God's sake, change your clothes once in a while."
- Guy of Gisborne: Very funny.
- Sheriff: We have bad days. We have good days. And when we have Robin Hood laid out dead on our table, WE HAVE THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES!!!!!
- Guy: Marian, do you really expect me to believe that you have given yourself to God?
- Marian: I assure you I haven't given myself to anybody -- yet.
- Guy: Good. Because until you do, I will always believe that there is a chance for you and me.
- Guy: Come home to me!
- Marian: You burned my home to the ground!
- Guy: If I could take that back -- if I could show you the side of me that wants to build a home, not destroy it --
- Marian: I've seen it!
- Guy: Then why do you reject it?
- Robin: Well, you disobeyed me.
- Marian: I saved your life.
- Robin: You kissed Gisbourne.
- Marian: And you tied me up.
- Robin: You could have got us all killed.
- Marian: I'm sorry. I'm not used to taking orders, but I can learn. I'd like to be a part of your gang.
- Robin: And I'm not used to having you in the forest but I'll learn.
- Marian: Truce?
- Robin: Yeah, truce. (the two of them hold hands)
[edit] Lardner's Ring (2.09)
- Allan: Give us the letter!
- McClellan: It's for Robin of Locksley and his eyes only!
- Allan: Just give it to us or we'll take it from you.
- Guard: [Arrow comes through chest, falls over, revealing Robin standing behind him.]
- Robin: Don't you know it's rude to read other people's mail?
- Marian: Do you practice little speeches like that?
- Robin: Like what?
- Marian: "You'll be so full of arrows you'll look like hedgehogs?"
- Robin: No. It just came to mind.
- Marian: You practice don't you?
- Robin: No!
- Marian: Robin, of every single man in the world, you are the only one who would propose over a fresh grave by comparing me to your weapon.
- [A fool is entertaining the Sheriff, Gisborne and others]
- Fool: "Richard the Lionheart", they call him! Now, going into battle in a foreign land, it's not the heart of a lion you want, is it? Since when did a heart hurt anybody?! [plays egging on Gisborne] Come on, then! Come on! I’ve got the heart of a lion! You can imagine the Saracens translating that, can't you? "He's got the what of a lion?!" The teeth? The jaws? The claws? Nooooo! The heart! Richard the Lionclaw, "Jerusalem's yours, come in, sit down, help yourself!" Lionheart?!
- Sheriff: [to Gisborne, indifferently] He's good. Very good.
- Fool: Forget about it! It's no wonder it’s taking so long over there, is it? Mind you, mind you... It's better than his brother, isn't it? Prince John. [deadly silence] What's Prince John doing? Sitting at home? Heart of a dormouse?
- [Two soldiers sieze the Fool]
- Sheriff: [angrily] Prince John is a friend of mine.
- Fool: [freeing himself] It's a joke! It's what I do! I do other things. Let's try some soothsaying. I'll make some predictions, and then I'll make them come true. Someone in this room will bare their buttocks to the Sheriff tonight!
- Sheriff: TAKE THAT MAN TO THE DUNGEONS NOW!!!
- Fool: [as the soldiers sieze him again] Look, hang on! Prediction two: Sir Guy's joint will rise from the dead!
- Gisborne: What's that supposed to mean?
- Fool: Your woodcock, Sir Guy. I can bring it back to life.
- Gisborne: Get rid of him!
- Fool: Do you want my third prediction? It's about Prince John. One day, Prince John will be King of England!
- Sheriff: I know that already.
- Fool: But did you know that there's something in Nottingham that can stop him?
- Sheriff: Like what?
- Fool: [smugly] Lardner's Ring.
- Sheriff: What is "Lardner's Ring"?
- Fool: Well, let me go and I'll tell you.
- Sheriff: [to the soldiers] Lock him in the cellar overnight. Flog him in the morning. And then he'll tell us! Now that really is funny!
- [The Sheriff and others roar with laughter; Gisborne smiles]
- Sheriff: [to Gisborne, throwing table-things at him and his men] I BLAME YOU FOR THIS!!! YOU HAD HIM ON YOUR DOORSTEP, AND YOU LET HIM ESCAPE!!! YOU AND YOUR IMBECILES!!! SIX... LEGS... AGAINST... ONE... AND THE ONE... GOT AWAY?!?!
- Sheriff: Ah, Gisborne the Gullible! Got something to show you. [holds the Fool's over an apple on the platter, and puts it down repeatedly] First you see it... then you don't. There it is... and there it isn't.
- Gisborne: [impatiently] Yeah, what's your point? [the Sheriff puts both hands on the handle and lifts up the lid; the apple is gone] How'd you do that?
- Sheriff: You simply pull up on the handle here, the claw grabs hold of the bird. You lift up the lid, the bird's gone. The cooked bird has been hollowed out, you put a live dove inside it and la-di-da-di-da - plate full of bird's wings! Your fool, he's no "sorcerer"! He's no "soothsayer", and he cannot predict the future!
- Much: Anyway, while you two have been off gallivanting-
- Robin: We haven't been gallivanting!
- Much: I know what you've been up to-
- Marian: We've been burying a corpse in the forest.
- Much: [Eyes flicker between Robin and Marian.] Is that a euphemism?
- Sheriff: If Robin gets the bird, it means the King knows our plans. And the last thing we need is the King and his army coming back to England before we're ready for them. So, we must catch the pigeon! Catch the pigeon now!
- Robin: This morning we had a plan.
- Marian: Yes. Find Lardner, bring the king home, and then get married. In that order. This isn't what I want to do, but what I must.
[edit] Walkabout (2.10)
- Woman in forest: Who are you?
- Sheriff: I am the man with a plan.
- [The Sheriff enters Robin's camp]
- Much: Out of my kitchen!
- [After Nottingham is nearly burned for the Sheriff's disappearance]
- Sheriff: One day. I'm away for one day! And look at it! Huh?! LOOK AT IT!!!
- Gisborne: My lord, what happened? Where did you go?
- Sheriff: Just thought I'd see how you'd cope without me for a day.
- Gisborne: Hood found you.
- Sheriff: And?
- Gisborne: He could still be here. We could still get him.
- Sheriff: No, no! I don't need him any more! Single-handedly-- Eh? I, single-handedly, managed to inltrate Hood's secret camp and retrieve the pact! [cackles dementedly] The pact! [pats his trousers, only to find it gone] The pact! The pact! No... [grabbing Gisborne's shoulders] THE PACT!!! THE PAAAAAAACT!!! GET HIM!!! GET AFTER HIM!!!
[edit] Treasure Of The Nation (2.11)
- Robin: Promise me you won't do anything is Locksley alone. Marian!
- Marian: Ok, I promise I won't do anything.
[Robin walks away.]
- Marian: I won't, but the Nightwatchman might.
- Sheriff: Why is nothing ever SIMPLE?!
- [After Gisborne and Allen fake the Nightwatchman's escape]
- Sheriff: Good news, Gisborne - only good news. Tell me you have caught him. Tell me you're ready to string him up. Tell me I can have my execution!
- Gisborne: He escaped. The Nightwatchman is gone.
- Sheriff: [simmering] You have failed me again...! [smacks Gisborne, then holds a dagger to his neck] I WILL NOT TOLERATE INCOMPETENCE!!! There is too much at stake now! A KINGDOM!!! Last chance, Gisborne.
- [The Sheriff storms off, while Gisborne returns to his duties; Marian watches, stunned]
[edit] A Good Day To Die (2.12)
- Robin: That bought us some time. We need to think.
- Djaq: There are five of us. And a hundred of them!
- Robin: Once a few determined Spartans held a pass against a vast Persian army.
- Will: And they lived?
- Robin: No, but they did well.
- Will: Oh.
- Much: I know, I hate that story too.
- [After scaring the Sheriff's mercenaries with a hogshead full of black powder]
- Robin: Black powder, Djaq? I thought I told you I never wanted to see that again!
- Djaq: [shrugging] I disobeyed you.
- Robin: ...Good!
- Sheriff: Ah, news from Nettlestone! Nice? Nasty? Both? [chuckles]
- Messenger: Small problem...
- [Cut to the War room; the Sheriff bursts in angrily, followed by Gisborne and the Messenger]
- Sheriff: "EXPLODING FIRE"?! WHADDAYA MEAN, "EXPLODING FIRE"?!
- Gisborne: Black powder.
- Sheriff: Yes, I know what it is.
- Messenger: We want permission to burn down the barn. They'll be toast.
- Sheriff: [irritated] Are you deaf? I told you: I want Hood's pretty little face, on his pretty little head, attached to his pretty little body, ON A PRETTY BIG SPIKE OUTSIDE MY CASTLE!!!
- Messenger: Then what do we do? He's got food in there for a week.
- Sheriff: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES!!! BRING ME HOOD'S BODY ON A SPIKE!!!
- Will: So they're just going to wait?
- Robin: Until we come out.
- Much: And then kill us. Not even a conversation.
- Sheriff: You missed all the fun, Gisborne. [indicating Marian] Your leper friend tried to kill me.
- Gisborne: [to Allan] Did you know about this?
- Allan: I didn't know anything.
- Sheriff: Why would he know anything about this?
- Gisborne: She knocked him out and took his sword.
- Sheriff: What?
- Allan: Well, I wasn't expecting it, was I? Or it wouldn't have happened. Yeah, she's good. But I'm better, though.
- [The Sheriff approaches Allan, who realises his mistake]
- Sheriff: "She's good, but I'm better." That means you knew she was capable of this. [to Gisborne] You knew, too, didn’t you?
- Gisborne: My lord, please, I can explain.
- Sheriff: [angrily] Well, you better had explain! Because she just made an attempt on my life!
- Gisborne: [hesitantly] I recently discovered that Marian... was the Nightwatchman.
- [Deadly silence]
- Sheriff: ... What?! ... AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!?!
- Gisborne: I believed Marian's days as the Nightwatchman were over! I believed I had dealt with it--
- Sheriff: BY TRICKING ME?!?! BY FAKING HER ESCAPE?!?! Who was it who ran away?
- [Gisborne turns away; the Sheriff looks at Allan]
- Allan: Look, I was just following orders, all right?
- Gisborne: Yeah, I gave the order.
- Sheriff: WHY?!?!
- Gisborne: Because I thought Marian’s charitable instincts were misguided. I did not think they merited hanging!
- Sheriff: [sarcastic] Oh, how very noble of you, jailboy! Although I can't help thinking that maybe you wanted a little something in return! Huh? A display of gratitude?
- Djaq: So I admire you. All of you. You are good men. Brave, generous, kind, decent men. And I love you, all of you. And I am proud to be amongst you.
- Much: Is this what this is, just everyone saying that they love each other?
- Djaq: Wait. And you're filthy, and you really stink, and you have no souls.
- John: We live in the forest.
- Djaq: I have to be honest! I have to be honest. And if I am being honest I have to say that I do not love all of you in the same way.
- Much: It's me, isn't? You love everyone but you don't love me. Brilliant.
- Djaq: There is one I do love more than the others, [Will looks up at her] the way a bird would fly two thousand miles through storms just to be with the one he loves.That is the love I feel and I am a fool becuase it is only now when we're about to die [looks up at Will] that I have the courage to admit it, even to myself. I'm sorry, I should have said earlier. You, Will Scarlett are strong and true, and you fight for what you believe in [Will smiles and looks down, tears in his eyes] and that's why I love you.
- Will: [looking up at her again] And I love you. I love the way you say what you mean, I love your silly voice.
- Djaq: Silly voice!? That's it, I take it back, all of it. I hate you.
- Will: And I love the way you fight like a man, ferocious. And the way you'll always, always be a woman.
- Much: Ka-lim-na. Boring.
- Djaq: [Staring in disbelief at Will] Kalila.
- Much: Whatever.
[edit] We Are Robin Hood! (2.13)
- Allan: So you got a message to the King in the end, didja?
- Much: Yeah! Well, no thanks to you.
- Allan: Look, I've told you a hundred times, I'm sorry, alright? I'm back now, I'm one of the lads, let's just-
- Much: Now, hands up, who hasn't betrayed the group? [Raises hand.]
- Allan: Oh, this one again? How clever.
- Gisborne: My Lord, I have demonstrated my loyalty. Now I would like your blessing.
- Sheriff: For what?
- Gisborne: I will still have Marian. When we return to England, I will take her by force.
- Sheriff: Dear boy, I'll sing at your wedding!
- Sheriff: Nothing. Can stop us now.
- Sheriff: I owe you a debt of gratitude, young lady. Thanks to you, I know that Guy is loyal, because if you can't turn him with your pretty little head, then nobody can.
- Marian: Your heart... must be the coldest place on Earth.
- Sheriff: Are you a little disappointed that he told me about your offer? I'm surprised it took you so long, to be quite honest with you. I mean, I was really getting rather bored.
- Marian: And now I've served my purpose--
- Sheriff: YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!!! YA THINK I'M GONNA LET THAT PASS?!?!
- Sheriff: See, this is the trouble with foreign travel. You run into all the same people you see at home!
- Sheriff: IT'S NOT OVER, HOOD!!! I WILL HAVE ENGLAND!!!
- Marian: say the then words handsome
- Robin:what words?
- Marian:i i robin take you marian...
- Robuin:Now?
- Marian:Now is a good time, i think. We are in the best company England has to offer.
- Robin:I robin take you Marian to be may lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, [pause]
- Marian:In sickness?
- Robin:in sickness or in health,[pause] to love and to cherish [pause] till death do us part.
- Marian:I, Marian take you, Robin of Locksley, master of the bow, champion of the poor, and Lord of my heart, to be my lawful wedded husband. i promise to love and to cherish you,for better or for worse from this day forward as long as we both shall live.
- Marian:Much, don't cry.
- Much:[whimpers]
- Carter:He's not crying,[pause] He's laughing on the wrong side of his face.
[edit] Series 3 (2009)
[edit] Total Eclipse (3.01)
- Sheriff: All right, that's enough of the piety. No amount of la-di-da words can save their blackened souls!
- [Hood is revealed to still be alive]
- Tuck: You see, the sun emerges again, like England's protector - his journey is complete. He appears into the light and he will save you. He has returned. The legend is alive!
- Jasper: [sarcastic] Surprise, surprise.
- Gisborne: No, it can't be--
- Sheriff: [to Gisborne] YOU INCOMPETENT... FOOL!!!
- [Robin has Gisborne at knife point, about to kill him]
- Gisborne: [begging] Do it! End it, please!
- Robin: [shocked] You want this?!
- Gisborne: I live in hell.
- Robin: Then stay there!
[edit] Cause And Effect (3.02)
- Gisborne: [contemptuous] Look at you; your plans are in ruins, the Black Knights are disbanded, and you're having to buy the affections of a Prince who would rather see you dead. Why should I fear you?
- Sheriff: [furious] Because... [he throws his dagger at Gisborne; it lands in the wood of the door an inch from Gisborne's head] I AM THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM!
- Gisborne: You should have killed me when you had the chance. I'm gonna make you suffer before you die.
- Robin: Just like you're suffering now? You can kill me a hundred times over, but the pain you're feeling, the hatred, the self-loathing, that's never going to go away! [Gisborne hits him out of rage] You'll never hate me as much as you hate yourself!
[edit] Lost In Translation (3.03)
- Sheriff: Abbot! Where in hell have you been?
- Abbot: Rome! How dare you summon me to your quarters like a common serf!
- Sheriff: My lord, I need you.
- Abbot: And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?
- Sheriff: No. It's too late for absolution. They meet on the landing halfway. [grovelling] You are the only one who can help me now.
- Abbot: If you are truly willing to repent for all your sins...
- Sheriff: [nodding eagerly] I am!
- Abbot: ... then you must make your peace with God, my son, and pray for his forgiveness.
- Sheriff: Ah, well, you see, it's not God I'm worried about. It's Prince John.
- Abbot: [smiles] Then you really are in trouble!
- Sheriff: He already has Gisborne, and it's anyone's guess what he's doing with him.
- Abbot: Well, knowing the Prince as I do, my advice is this: please him.
- Sheriff: [incredulous] ... "Please him"?! Whaddaya think I've been doing all this time?! WEAVING TAPESTRIES?!?!
- Sheriff: [to his guards] I thought I doubled the guard! Or did I just double the incompetence?! YOU ALLOWED HOOD TO ESCAPE AGAIN!!! You are more useless than Gisborne! [kicks a guard in the groin, then knocks him down the steps]
[edit] Sins Of The Father (3.04)
[edit] Let The Games Commence (3.05)
- Sheriff: So, Prince John sent you back to Nottingham with a mission, and yet nobody saw fit to tell me. The last time I checked, I was still the Sheriff.
- Gisborne: The Prince is still waiting for his thousand crowns. His patience wears thin.
- Sheriff: As indeed does mine. What's the mission?
- Gisborne: He wants me to kill Robin Hood.
- Sheriff: [chuckles] I'm sure he does! But you've, err... you've never managed it before, Gisborne, hm? Although you did once have him at your sword point, and yet still he bested you!
- Gisborne: Well, this time it will be different. This time I will command the mission without incompetent, illconceived interference from others.
- Sheriff: [smugly] No. You will fail, like you've always failed before, and then you will come back and beg me for my patronage!
- [After Walt reveals that Bertha of Bath has tried to have John killed]
- John: WHAT?!
- Bertha: He's exaggerating! That's what he does, you know how he goes on--
- Walt: No, I'm telling the truth to save your life, just like I said I would!
- Sheriff: [to Bertha] I warned you what would happen the next time you crossed me! [to his guards, pointing at Little John] KILL HIM!!! ARREST THE OTHERS!!!
- Bertha: If I didn't do what the Sheriff told me, he was going to kill us all!
- Sheriff: What an excellent idea! [his guards arrest Bertha] So exactly how far did you think you'd get, Bertha? We had a deal.
- John: The deal is off. You do not touch those children.
- Sheriff: No, no, I just want the money from the wagers. She's welcome to the slaving money.
- John: What?!
- Sheriff: Oh, I suppose she told you that she took the children off the streets out of the goodness of her heart? [chuckles]
- Bertha: Look at them. They're healthy and well-fed--
- Sheriff: Healthier children fetch a bigger price! She's been doing it for years - taking waifs and strays off the streets, fattening them up and then selling them on at the end of the season.
- John: Have you?
- Sheriff: Yes. Not this year, though. [chuckles] Take her to the dungeons. [points to the boys] Oh, and, err, arrest those.
- John: [ready to fight] LEAVE... THEM... BE!
- Sheriff: [walking away, bored] Somebody kill that man.
- [After Robin, John and the others save the children from Bertha]
- Robin: It isn't safe for children in Nottingham!
- Sheriff: So says the outlaw! But for once, I am pleased to see you, Hood. It means that Gisborne has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory once again!
- Sheriff: Well might you hang your head in shame, Gisborne. You've let him escape again, [points at Isabella] and this, this... Is THIS what distracted you?!
- Gisborne: This is my sister.
- Sheriff: [sarcastic] Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. You were busy playing happy families! Your level of incompetence never, ever ceases to amaze me, Gisborne. Every time I think you've plumbed a new depth, along you come and surprise me all over again! Well maybe now, Prince John will remember why he put ME IN COMMAND!!!
[edit] Do You Love Me? (3.06)
[edit] Too Hot To Handle (3.07)
[edit] The King Is Dead, Long Live The King... (3.08)
[edit] A Dangerous Deal (3.09)
[edit] Bad Blood (3.10)
[edit] The Enemy Of My Enemy (3.11)
- Robin: [fighting with Gisborne] You murder my wife, and you expect forgiveness?!
- Gisborne: I loved her as much as you! I'll never ask for your forgiveness...I can't forgive myself!
[edit] Something Worth Fighting For, Part 1 (3.12)
- [As Robin's men are storming the castle]
- Isabella: The peasants are breaking into the castle! You have to protect me.
- Blamire: Can't help, sorry.
- Isabella: They're going to tear me to pieces!
- Blamire: Not my problem. I've got to be somewhere else.
- Isabella: [shocked] I just gave you an order!
- Blamire: [chuckles] You have no idea of what's happening here, do you?!
- Isabella: [desperate] What?! You can't just leave me here to be massacred by this rabble! Please, for pity's sake, help me!
- Blamire: If you want to save yourself, hear this: deliver Gisborne to the tunnel.
- Isabella: That doesn't make any sense: Gisborne is dead!
- Blamire: [sneering] Goodbye, Sheriff, and good luck!
- Sheriff: [ordering his army onto the attack] Oh, this will be so much fun...!
[edit] Something Worth Fighting For, Part 2 (3.13)
- Gisborne: [shocked] I put a dagger in him! I saw him die!
- Robin: Well, that ghost has raised an army.
- Sheriff Vaisey: [berserk with fury] DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! I WANT ROBIN HOOD'S HEAD!
- Gisborne: [dying] Is this the end?
- Robin: [having been fatally poisoned] For you and me both, my friend.
- Gisborne: I'm sorry. At least you have someone waiting for you...Marian. The love of my life, but she was always yours. I've lived in shame, but because of you, I die proud. I am free. [dies]
- Robin: Marian?
- Marian: I have waited for you.
- Robin: I knew I would find you again.
[edit] External Links
Robin Hood quotes at the Internet Movie Database
