Rome (TV series)

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Rome (2005) is an American-British television show by HBO/BBC about the last century B.C. in Rome.

Contents

[edit] Season One

[edit] The Stolen Eagle [1.1]

Titus Pullo: [after a flogging] Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself.
Scipio: What a dreadful noise plebs make when they're happy.
Cato: This is music. Wait until Caesar starts them howling for our blood; then you'll hear something dreadful!
Vorenus: Fortune pisses on me.
Titus Pullo: Forculus, if you be the right god for the business here, I call on you to help. If you would open this door, then I would kill for you a fine white lamb, or, failing that, if I couldn't get a good one at a decent price, then six pigeons.
Atia: The man has tears in his eyes. Tears!
Octavia: He loves me.
Atia: A womanish husband is no use to anyone. And your servants! What a fuss! I think you feed them too much.
Titus Pullo: I have simpler tastes. I like to kill my enemies, take their gold and enjoy their women. That's it. Why tie yourself to one? Where's the flavor? Where's the joy?
Vorenus: Pullo, when is the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?
Pullo: Look here, Mars! Look here, Mars! I am Titus Pullo! These bloody men are my gift to you.

[edit] How Titus Pullo Brought Down the Republic [1.2]

Titus Pullo: [on returning to Rome]] Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke, and fuck every whore in the city!
Atia: By the Five Furies, if I were not a genteel woman, I'd have you flayed and hung from a bracket at the door! Castor!
Castor: Yes, domina?
Atia: Fetch the dogs!
[Mark Antony, when discussing terms of Caesar's return to Rome]
Pompey: He sits alone in Ravenna with one mutinous skeleton of a legion and he dares to dictate terms to me!?.
Mark Antony : Caesar has many more legions than the Thirteenth.
Scipio: Yes, on the far side of the Alps.
Mark Antony: Winter does not last forever. Spring comes. Snows melt.
Scipio: That is a threat!
Mark Antony : No, I assure you, that is no threat. Snows always melt.
Julius Caesar: [regarding Antony's dishevelled state] You look fine exactly as you are. Like Leonidas at Thermopylae!
Vorena: What is going to happen?
Niobe: War is going to happen.

[edit] An Owl in a Thornbush [1.3]

Brutus: Mother, you are blinded by untapped lust. I'll get you a good big Cyrenian at the market and have done with it!
[Caesar has sent Vorenus ahead to scout with a squadron of cavalry]
Gaius Julius Caesar: Can we trust him?
Mark Antony: Who?
Gaius Julius Caesar: Lucius Vorenus.
Mark Antony: Vorenus? Deep Thirteenth, him. He'd follow the Eagle up Pluto's arse!
[Pullo instructs Vorenus on the fine points of wooing.]
Titus Pullo: Now, your best method of pleasing a woman is the warm, beating heart of an enemy. Oh, women say they don't like it, but they do! Makes them wet as October!
[discussing how to please Lucius's wife.]
Titus Pullo: Also: very important. When you couple with her there's this spot just above her cunny. It's like a button. Now, attend to that button and she will open up like a flower.
Lucius Vorenus: [outraged] How do you know this about her?!
Titus Pullo: [momentarily gobsmacked] All women have them! Ask anyone!
[On finding Rome unprotected by Pompeian troops:]
Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] This can only mean that the Republic has fallen.
Titus Pullo: And yet, the sky is still above us and the earth still below. Strange.
Vorenus: How could Mars allow such a thing to happen?
Pullo: Maybe he was out having a crap and missed it!

[edit] Stealing from Saturn [1.4]

Caesar: You are a thief. A foolish, incompetent thief. But we will treat your foolishness as some species of loyalty.
Caesar: I do not like to argue with fortune, and clearly she's taken you for a pet.
Caesar: [after having an epileptic seizure] Swear by Orcus never to speak of this.

[edit] The Ram Has Touched the Wall [1.5]

Caesar: They say a slave talks of bravery like a fish talks of flying.
Posca: They say that, do they? How very witty of them.
[Atia has informed Octavian she has engaged a tutor for him: one of the soldiers who rescued him.]
Octavian: Vorenus?
Atia of the Julii: Is that it? Not the sullen Catonian one, I don't like him. The cheerful, brutish one.
Octavian: [turning to go] Pullo.
Atia: What extraordinary names these plebs have. Pullo.

[edit] Egeria [1.6]

Atia: Octavian, have you penetrated anyone yet? Titus Pullo, didn't I tell you to get that sorted? What else?
Octavia: Perhaps you could arrange he kill someone.
Atia: That will happen in due course. We Julii always have the needful enemies.
Titus Pullo: What's your price, then?
Madame: One thousand.
Titus Pullo: Gerrhae! I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers!
Madame: We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be.
Titus Pullo: All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire, or I'll know the reason why!
Newsreader: This month's public bread is provided by the Capitoline Brotherhood of Millers. The Brotherhood uses only the finest flour: true Roman bread for true Romans.
Mark Antony: [to Atia] I had not realized until now... what a wicked old harpy you are.
Atia: A large penis is always welcome.
Titus Pullo: This is cack, this is! I'm wet through!
Lucius Vorenus: We're perfectly safe - a very favorable offering was made to Triton before we left.
Pullo: Well, if Triton can't keep me drier than this, he can suck my cock!
[Ship's mast breaks]
Vorenus: Pullo, when will you learn to keep your fat mouth shut?!

[edit] Pharsalus [1.7]

Caesar: Our men must win or die. Pompey's men have... other options.
Vorenus: His hands trembled, sir. His clothes were dirty, there was water in his eyes -- he is broken. I saw no need to apprehend him. I'd like to add that Legionary Pullo took no part in my decision, sir.
Caesar: You saw "no need." Do you not see that Pompey may be broken like a Dacian catamite and still be dangerous?!
Pompey Magnus: It didn't seem possible to lose, it's always a bad sign

[edit] Caesarion [1.8]

King Ptolemy XIII: [presenting the head of Pompey Magnus] We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything, and...
Gaius Julius Caesar: [furious] SILENCE!
[long, heavy silence]
Gaius Julius Caesar: Shame on the House of Ptolemy for such barbarity. Shame.
Pothinus: But... you are enemies.
Gaius Julius Caesar: (shouts) He was a consul of Rome!
[guards put hands to their swords]
Gaius Julius Caesar: A consul of Rome, to die in this sordid way - quartered like some low thief? Shame!
[another long, heavy silence]
Gaius Julius Caesar: Where is the rest of him?
Pothinus (stammering) It... he, has been cremated. With all proper funeral rites, of course! With all decorum.
Gaius Julius Caesar I will return tomorrow, at which time you will give me the man that took Pompey's life.
Gaius Julius Caesar: These instruments tabulate the money that was borrowed by the previous king, Ptolemy XII, in the sum of seventeen thousand, thousand drachmae.
Pothinus: Seventeen? Absurd! Four, maybe.
Posca: That amount includes those sums that were borrowed from Pompey and those otherwise unable to collect.
Pothinus: That is not just.
Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's... law.
Pothinus: Roman law.
Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?
Caesar: I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I think I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.
Marc Antony: I'm glad you're so confident. Some would call it hubris.
Caesar: It's only hubris if I fail.
Vorenus: Pullo, report to Princess Cleopatra and do whatever she tells you!
[Pullo reports for duty - which is to have wild sex with Cleopatra. Afterwards:]
Pullo: [exhales] Gods, that was something, let me tell you...
Vorenus: I don't want to hear about it! If you're wise, you'll never speak of this again.
Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too!
Cicero: You should have no ill conscience, we only did what we have to do.
Brutus: No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children.
Marc Antony: If I ever again hear your name connected with murmurs of treachery, I will cut off these soft, pink hands and nail them to the senate door.

[edit] Utica [1.9]

Scipio: Where there's life, there's hope.
Cato: (sad smile) I think, if anything, we have disproved that proverb, old friend.
Titus Pullo: [on Vorenus' toga candida] You look like laundry!

[edit] Triumph [1.10]

Posca: The Roman people are not crying out for clean elections. They are crying out for jobs. They are crying out for clean water, for food, for stability and peace.

[edit] The Spoils [1.11]

Caesar: You know I've always looked upon you as a son...
Brutus: Oh dear, not one of those conversations.
Caesar: Be reasonable! You're on every wall in the city with a knife at my throat!
Brutus: Only tyrants need to worry about tyrant killers!
Marcus Junius Brutus: I betrayed nothing. Had you told me you were to march on Rome and asked me for my allegiance, I would have given it. I would've judged you insane, but I would've given you my allegiance because I look on you as my father.
Caesar: Brutus-
Marcus Junius Brutus: You did not ask me for my allegiance. You demanded it at swordpoint. I betrayed nothing.
Cassius: Look now. Look at that.
Marcus Junius Brutus: It is a chair. What of it?
Cassius: A chair? It's a throne!
Marcus Junius Brutus: I believe thrones are generally more decorative. That is decidedly plain, and chair-like.
Caesar: [of an assassinated political opponent]I didn't know he existed until he didn't.

[edit] Kalends of February [1.12]

[Servilia has invited Atia over for a visit.]

Atia: Why would she want to see me? She hates me!
Mark Antony: So do I; that's no bar to friendship.

[edit] Season Two

[edit] Passover [2.1]

[Before Caesar's funeral.]
Antony: I've never fucked a woman in a funeral dress before.
Atia: Nor shall you now.
Antony: That's a shame. It'll have to be Merula then. [Atia's slave Merula stares in shock] Come here, old girl, jump on!
Atia: She'd eat you alive!
Antony: I'm not rising from bed until I fuck someone.
Atia: Fine, fine. Merula, fetch that German slut from the kitchen.
Mark Antony: [indicates outside] Listen. Why so quiet? A tyrant is dead. Surely the people should be happy? Where is the cheering throng at your door? Where are the joyful cries of "Liberty"?
Servillia: The people fear change. A sombre mood is only...natural.
Brutus: When they realise they are free from tyranny, they will be glad.
Mark Antony: [coldly] The people loved Caesar. And they will hate you for what you have done.
Mark Antony: You boys play too rough for me. Knives in the Senate House? I didn't know you had it in you. No, I will serve out my term as consul and then return to the provinces, plough my fields and fuck my slaves like old Cincinnatus.
[Servillia joins with Cassius and Cicero in urging Brutus to murder Antony]
Brutus: You too, mother?
[After Antony orders the murderers of Caesar from Rome]
Cassius: You may wish as you will. We yet have all the Senate behind us and all the men of quality. [Furious, Antony storms over to Cassius]
Antony: [almost berserk with rage] And I have an angry mob, that will roast and eat your 'men of quality' in the ashes of the Senate House!

[edit] Son of Hades [2.2]

Antony: You're not saying that these men paid me to put their names on here.
Cicero: Oh, no... I assume they paid Posca.
Vorenus: I AM A SON OF HADES! I FUCK CONCORD IN HER ARSE!

[edit] These being the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero [2.3]

Cicero: Please continue with your threats; I would hate to submit to implication alone.
Clerk (holding up a scroll for all to see): These being the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero: (reading) When I was a young man, I defended the State. As an old man, I shall not abandon it. I give sincere thanks to Mark Antony, who has generously presented me with the most promising theme imaginable. I address you directly, Antony. Please listen as if you... as if you...
Mark Antony: Go on...
Clerk (shaken): "...please listen, as if you were sober and intelligent, and not a drink-sodden, sex-addled wreck."
[Senators start leaving the Senate hall]
Clerk: "You are certainly not without accomplishments: it is a rare man who can boast of becoming a bankrupt before even coming of age. You have brought upon us war, pestilence and destruction. You are Rome's Helen of Troy. But then... but then..."
Mark Antony (fuming): Go on... GO ON!
Clerk: "...a woman's role has always suited you best."

[Antony screams in rage, and proceeds to beat the Clerk to death with the scroll. He looks up and finds the Senate completely empty.]

[edit] Testudo et Lepus (The Tortoise and the Hare) [2.4]

Cicero: Oh, how I tire of young men and their ambitions.
Mark Anthony: Oh, do cheer up! You're still alive, aren't you!?
Posca: I do hope so; if this is the afterlife, it is extremely disappointing!

[edit] Heroes of the Republic [2.5]

Vorenus: These are my daughters, redeemed from slavery. The eldest has been prostituted, the boy is my wife's child by another man. You will treat them with the respect and kindness - or I will know the reason why.

[After Octavian uses his position as Consul for his own ends]

Tyro: Some willow tea, perhaps?
Cicero: Henbane, more like. I've been outmanoeuvred by a child.

[edit] Philippi [2.6]

Mark Antony [Giving Agrippa instructions to pass to Vorenus and Pullo about the assassination of Cicero] tell them - to cut off his hands and nail them to the Senate door. I told the old fool I'd do it if he ever crossed me again. Nobody can possibly say that I don't keep my word.
Eirene: [in tears] I'm preglant!
Titus Pullo: What?
Eirene: I'm preglant! Preglant!!
Titus Pullo: [surprised, but delighted] What, pregnant?
Eirene: Whatever you call it!
[Before the Battle of Philippi]
Brutus: Heavens, I entirely forgot! Today's your birthday, isn't it?
Cassius: Is it? I believe you're right.
Brutus: [shakes his hand] Happy Birthday. Sorry there's no cake.
Cassius: Next year, eh? You bake me an extra big one.
Brutus: I shan't forget.
Cassius: No cinnamon, it makes me sneeze.
Octavian: What's happening? Do you know?
Antony: No idea. On my command, forward!
Octavian: Where are you going?
Antony: When in doubt... ATTACK!
[The cavalry charges with Antony at their head. Agrippa looks after them longingly.]
Octavian: Go.
Agrippa: Thank you. (to troopers) You two, on me!
[Rides after Antony.]
[Cassius is brought back from the battle line, mortally wounded.]
Brutus: Cassius? What happened?
Cassius: Not sure, to be honest. Hell of a birthday...
[As Antony's forces approach, Brutus decides to go down fighting.]
Brutus: Give my best to my mother. Tell her... tell her something suitable.
[In the aftermath of the Battle of Phillipi]
Mark Anthony: Breathe deep, boy. The smell of victory.
Octavian: [disdainful] Smoke, shit and rotting flesh.
Mark Anthony: Beautiful, isn't it?

[edit] Death Mask [2.7]

[Servilia, kneeling in front of Atia's house, curses Atia, then commits suicide.]
Marc Antony: ...Now that's an exit.

[edit] A Necessary Fiction [2.8]

Titus Pullo: Nobody's a traitor until they are.
Newsreader: From pliant virgins to learned greeks - Rufus has slaves for every budget.

[edit] Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus [2.9]

Vorenus: Sir your "wife" instructed me to tell you something.
Antony: Oh?
Vorenus: She instructed me to tell you that "you are cowardly scum".
Antony: [laughs] She did, did she? - and what's your opinion of that?
Vorenus: It's not my place to have an opinion , Sir.
Antony: Ah - tell me anyway.
Vorenus: Is that an order?
Antony: Yes. That's an order.
Vorenus: You're no coward, but you do have a strong disease in your soul. A disease that will eat away at you - until you die.
Antony: Really. Hmm. And what is this disease?
Vorenus: I don't know. I'm not a doctor.
Antony: No - no you're not. So how can you be so sure of your diagnosis?
Vorenus: I recognize your symptoms. I have the same sickness.

[edit] De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Antony [examining the knife Cleopatra apparently used to kill herself] No - this won't do. Let's use a proper, Roman sword.
[Vorenus offers his sword, Antony takes it, regards it for a moment then draws it]
Antony: It's a damn good sword. [Throws the sheath away, looks around the room] It's a good place to die at any rate. Could've been a ditch in Gaul. Men that knew Alexander ... once stood here.
Vorenus: Good a place as any, I suppose
Antony: Lucius Vorenus -- iron to the end. Don't you die here with me. You get out while you can.
Vorenus: I will do that. It's been an honour - serving with you Sir.
Antony: Has it? I - I hope so. [positions the tip of the sword above his stomach] Brace it there, eh?
Vorenus: Any instructions or messages, sir?
Antony: No - Just ... Tell the people I died well. I died Roman.
[Discussing Pullo]
Cleopatra: Is he a good man?
Vorenus: Define "good".

[Atia moves to the head of the women's procession for Augustus' triumph]

Livia: Excuse me?
Atia: Yes?
Livia: Oh, I don't mind really, but it is really I who should go first. If you consult the priests, I'll think you'll find the wife takes precedence.
Atia: I don't give a fuck what the priests say. I'll not let a vicious little trollop like you walk ahead of me. I go first.
Livia: I take no offense, of course. You are not yourself.
Atia: I know who you are. I can see you. You're swearing now that, someday, you'll destroy me. Remember that far better women than you have sworn to do the same. Go look for them now.
Octavian: I was all sweetness and light with her... charm itself.
Maecenas: Yes, that is your most disheartening manner.
[last lines of the series]
Titus Pullo: (to Caesarion) About your father...

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