Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999–present) is a long-running crime drama, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Special Victims Unit, a special squad dealing with sex crimes and crimes against children.

Contents

Opening[edit]

Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN

Season 1[edit]

Payback [1.1][edit]

[An investigation into the sexually-motivated stabbing of a cab driver leads the detectives on a trail back through time to Bosnian war crimes.]

Stabler: Okay, so it's not a robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?
Detective: Whoever did this sliced off his "cigar" and took it with him. Is that specific enough?
[Benson and Stabler look at the victim, then look at each other.]
Benson: Works for me.

Jeffries: Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.
Munch: Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?

[After testifying in court, during which the defendant flashed the jury and was forcibly removed]
Benson: Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: He's in Bellevue.
Benson: Jury came back that fast?
Stabler: He waved his flag at them before they had a chance. Nobody saluted.

Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor: Take a number.

Victor: [to Stabler] Hey. You doing anything Saturday night?
[He purses his lips and makes a kissing motion at Stabler. Stabler smiles.]
Stabler: Oh, I'd hurt you.

Captain Cragen: Didn't two of Spicer's married johns take a bust?
Benson: Yeah, about six months ago. Vice was targeting the piers.
Captain Cragen: I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.
[Munch chuckles behind Cragen. Cragen turns to look at him.]
Captain Cragen: What are you doing?
Munch: Eavesdropping.
Captain Cragen: Good, you're up to speed. What do you say you go interrogate a husband?

Munch: Are we missing some key piece of information here?
Stabler and Captain Cragen: Shut up, John!

Munch: A military plane drops JFK's coffin into 9,000 feet of water three years after the assassination. You don't find that suggestive, perhaps even a tad disquieting?
Cassidy: No.
Munch: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people, and then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you, sheep? Will you believe anything?
Cassidy: [sheep-like] Naaaah.

[Jeffries enters the break room, where Cassidy, Cragen, and Munch are eating lunch.]
Jeffries: You guys going to eat all this?
Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Jeffries: Suppose I'm just being polite.
Munch: That will be a first.
Cassidy: It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.
Jeffries: Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets to...eat.
[Jeffries leaves with a container of Chinese food. Cassidy sucks on his fork.]
Cassidy: Ouch.

Munch: I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again, as long as I'm on this mortal sphere.
Cassidy: Why? You're rich. Did your 20, got your pension, and you're on the job here.
Munch: I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind, while surrounded by intellectual insects. Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only another detective, but a member of my own squad.

Captain Cragen: We don't get to pick the vic.

[Benson is physical ill after visiting a horribly mutilated blind victim of Serbian ethnic cleansing.]
Stabler: Remember that Tom Hanks movie where he managed the girls' team? [hands Benson a piece of gum] "There's no crying in baseball."

Stabler: So you don't think she murdered him.
Benson: [lying] No. I don't think she murdered him. She said she was in her office until around one. That was after he was killed.
Stabler: And no one else was there.
Benson: And no one else was there.
Stabler: And no one else was there. That is an anti-alibi.

Benson: Look. We know there are two killers, so. How are we going to find the other one?
Stabler: You mean the other one who also didn't do it?

Captain Cragen: I read the autopsy report. Now do you really believe that those two ladies were walking around with five and seven-inch knives in their purses every day?
Benson: I think we did the one thing that's going to allow me to sleep tonight.
Captain Cragen: You just used your "Get out of Jail Free" card on this case, Olivia. There's only one in the pack.

A Single Life [1.2][edit]

[The apparent murder of a solitary single woman resonates with Benson, who finds too many similarities between herself and the dead girl.]

[The squad is looking at pictures of the victim.]
Stabler: Eight stories up, eight down.
Cassidy: Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.
Cragen: Guy on steroids?
Munch: No, the Yankees are on a road trip.
Stabler: Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.

Benson: How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?
Jeffries: Her boyfriend?
Munch: Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.
Jeffries: Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.
Munch: See? The rage?

Munch: The whole thing's a pyramid scheme.
Cassidy: What whole thing?
Munch: Laptops. We've become a nation of laptoppers, writing orders on our laptops, more laptops- whatever happened to pens?

Munch: [reading the title of one of the victim's articles] "How to build a better orgasm" in "Cosmopolitan." Somebody might kill for this.

Neighbor: Excuse me. How long does that girl's apartment remain a crime scene?
Benson: Why?
Neighbor's husband: We're next on the list for a one-bedroom.

Benson: Queens is a suburb? Since when?

Benson: Yeah, I'm a regular monk.
Stabler: Monkette.

Lawyer: So you're an expert on sex crimes, is that correct?
Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn.
Lawyer: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical or "psycho-sexual" term if you will, for fondling a stranger?
Cassidy: [hesitantly] Fromage...?
[Scattered laughter in the court.]
Lawyer: I believe it's "frottage."
Cassidy: Right. "Frottage."

Stabler: This woman makes J.D. Salinger look like a Shriner.

Dr. Daniels's lawyer: He was in Ms. Quinn's apartment briefly, at lunchtime, at her request, to attend to a crisis.
Benson: Or an erection.
Dr. Daniels: That's insulting.
Stabler: Really. I thought it was the absence of one that was insulting.

Journalist: What happened to Big Fatso? Coronary?
Stabler: Nah, retired and moved to Florida.
Journalist: Ah, same diff.

[Questioning a news anchor about his relationship with the victim.]
News anchor: "Knew her." Does anybody ever really know anybody?
Stabler: Don't get philosophical with us. You're just a teleprompter jockey; we're just cops.

Munch: From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Again.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Good man.

Benson: [reading] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"
Cragen: Candiru.
Stabler: Say what?
Cragen: This is beautiful. Tell him.
Benson: "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.
Stabler: [adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.

Cassidy: Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?
Benson: [to Munch] Do you see what you started?
Cassidy: No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.
Munch: Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."
Cassidy: "Onanism." [chuckles]

Benson: She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?
Stabler: Maybe it's just living in Colorado.
Benson: She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.
Stabler: I'm...having a fashion police blackout.

...Or Just Look Like One [1.3][edit]

[When a young model is viciously attacked with a claw hammer and dumped outside a hospital, the SVU teams up with Briscoe and Green to investigate what happened.]

[as Stabler and Benson approach Vanessa's apartment, after Benson knocks, out come Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green]
Stabler: Hey! Lennie Briscoe, what the hell you doin' here?
Briscoe: We heard there was good dim sum down here. Say hi to my partner, Eddie Green.

[Briscoe and Green enter the SVU squad room.]
Munch: Hey, Lennie.
Briscoe: It's like a nightmare.

Briscoe: You are looking at the fruits of four hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. Nine dumpsters in all.
Stabler: You trying to tell me the two of you went dumpster diving?
Green: Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do disposable diapers.

Ken: Hey. Uncle Lennie.
Briscoe: [shakes hands with his nephew] Ken, good to see you. Say hi to Eddie Green.
Green: [shakes hands with Ken] Hey.
Briscoe: Listen, uh, cool it with the Uncle Lennie stuff around the station house. Okay?
Ken: Yeah, so, what do you want me to call you?
Green: Why don't you guys save this for family court?
Briscoe: Well, just call me Briscoe.
Ken: Well, what are you gonna call me?
Briscoe: Briscoe.

Hysteria [1.4][edit]

[The murder of a young woman in provocative clothing leads detectives to uncover the presence of a pattern killer targeting prostitutes in New York City.]
Jeffries: That's an open and shut case, Munch. Try not to screw it up with your insane rambling. And stop looking at my ass.

Stabler: I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.
Benson: Yeah, right. Just wait.
Stabler: What does that mean?

Munch: Back to the dead whore.
Jeffries: Jerkwad, have some respect for the victim.
Munch: Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.
Jeffries: Oh, so you're saying all women are whores?
Munch: Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.
Captain Cragen: Children!

Captain Cragen: When you were at the 3-1, did you know a cop named Sal D'Angelo?
Briscoe: The 70s are a blur.
Captain Cragen: Tell me about it. Closest I ever came to time travel.

Briscoe: D'Angelo's a bastard. C'mon. So are you. So am I. We're all bastards.

Wanderlust [1.5][edit]

[The murder of a travel writer brings detectives to concentrate on his landlord and her daughter.]

[After reading aloud an excerpt from a travel book written by the victim.]
Munch: His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.
Jeffries: "The Bridges of Madison County."
Cassidy: That was incredible.
Munch: How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.
Cassidy: I was talking about the movie.

Munch: Unnerving, isn't it? That such a degrading death could overshadow such a remarkable life?
Cassidy: It's like Rockefeller dying on top of his mistress.
Munch: It's still my preferred way to go.

Stabler: Drama's a major food group for teenage girls.

Munch: It's true a good Mrs. Robinson's hard to find, but women maturing faster than men? Conspiracy. The government's been covering up the harmful side-effects of RBGH, a hormone that farmers are using to produce more milk.
Cassidy: Like McGwire taking Creatine to bulk up, right?
Munch: The farmers don't take the hormones, Cassidy. The cows do.
Jeffries: So is there anything you just...accept?
Munch: Yeah. Compliments.
Jeffries: No wonder you're so skeptical.

Cragen: Your feelings will always be a part of your police work. The more you try to deny that, the more control they'll have over you. We work with different permutations of sex all day, sometimes all night long. Don't worry when you feel something. Worry when you don't.

Sophomore Jinx [1.6][edit]

[A rape/murder at Cragen's old school pits detectives against a secretive administration determined to protect their prize basketball team, while Munch finds himself sympathizing with an intelligent suspect.]

Stabler: What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?
Uniform: Who's going to look for that?
[Stabler and Benson look at him.]
Uniform: Me?
Benson: Yes.

Benson: Blood alcohol level was .27.
Cragen: Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.

[Munch and Cassidy interview Mosley, a college basketball player.]
Munch: So you and Jean studied French literature?
Mosley: Yeah, why?
Munch: Well, I mean, "Communications," "Basics of Broadcasting..." But Rimbaud?
Mosley: Sure. I know that "First Blood" speaks of the existential angst of being jerked around by forces beyond your control.
[Cassidy looks bewildered. Munch and Cassidy leave the interrogation room.]
Cassidy: ...What did he say?
Munch: What a wonderful job he thinks the police are doing.

[On being ordered to produce a semen sample.]
Basketball player: I can't do this.
Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand?

Stabler: I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.
Benson: Where?
Stabler: Are you ready for this? Everglades University.
Benson: Everglades?
Stabler: Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.
Benson: Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.
Stabler: Thank you.

[Reporting on a sperm count of the two suspects.]
Jeffries: Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.
Munch: No kidding.
Jeffries: Yeah- remember when, John?
Munch: I could say the same thing to you, babe.

Carmichael: What did they call it before we invented the terms "date rape" and "sexual harassment?"
Cragen: "Boys will be boys?"

Carmichael: I need physical evidence on the murder.
Cragen: We'll need to recanvass the crime scene.
Carmichael: Do that. Meanwhile, search his home and office.
Cragen: I think I'm falling in love with you, Abby.

Lawyer: C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.
Benson: It's "Detective," not "miss."

Mrs. Mosley: [welcoming Cassidy and Munch into her home] Charles. It's Mutt and Jeff.
Cassidy: [to Munch] Which one's Mutt?

Uncivilized [1.7][edit]

[The SVU team is hit hard by the molestation and murder of an 8 year old boy, and attention focuses on a registered sex offender living in the neighborhood.]

Cassidy: You ever think about having kids?
Munch: Why, when I have you?

Munch: Look, when something out of the ordinary happens, you look for what else is out of the ordinary before the out of ordinary happens.
Mark: Don't patronize (pronouncing it patron-ize) me.
Munch: Actually, it's pat-ronize.

Munch: When I was a little kid, my parents told me never to eat sweets.
Cragen: So as an adult you overcompensate?
Munch: Yeah.
Cassidy: I'm guessing your parents also said you should never get married.

Advocate: Not all sex offenders are repeat offenders.
Stabler: You show me a first time offender, I'll show you a guy who's never been caught before.

Stalked [1.8][edit]

[An rape-homicide hits close to home when the victim is an Assistant District Attorney, and SVU rallies when the murderer fixates on Benson.]

[Munch gestures to Cassidy.]
Munch: We've only been partners a few months but the man is starting to think like me. Only slower.

Cassidy: Yeah, go ahead. Rain on my parade.
Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade. I want to blow up all the floats.

[Munch wiggles his finger through a doughnut at a parolee who was convicted of forcible sodomy and is currently working at a doughnut bakery.]
Munch: Does this turn you on?
Parolee: What do you want?
Munch: Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless doughnuts?

Munch: Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.
Jeffries: And?
Munch: You don't find that amazing?
Jeffries: Nope.
Stabler: You're learning, Jeffries.

Benson: He's stalking her.
Cragen: Impossible. We don't have a stalking statute in New York, ergo there's no way to stalk anyone.

[Upon hearing news that one of their suspects was found dead of an overdose in a small town by the Canadian mounties.]
Munch: Poor guy.
Benson: Poor guy?
Munch: Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.

Benson: I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Stabler: Yeah you would.
Benson: Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

Stocks & Bondage [1.9][edit]

[The puzzling death of a heavily pierced and scarred investment analyst could be suicide, accident, or homicide. But the course of the investigation opens up a whole different can of worms when the victim's employer comes under scrutiny.]

Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?
Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
[Stabler slings his arm around Cassidy's shoulders and bares his tattooed arm.]
Stabler: You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Jeffries: Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Stabler: No, I get that from working with you.

Munch: The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-
Cassidy: [finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.
Cragen: Masons.

Closure [1.10][edit]

[An episode follows an investigation into the dead case rape of a young woman named Harper, from the point the rapist leaves to the identification of the suspect six months later.]


Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.
Benson: I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.

Benson: Is it that obvious?
Stabler: I'm your partner. For better or worse.

Cassidy: When you get married-
Benson: If I get married.
Cassidy: As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.

Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.

Stabler: You get to Tribeca a lot?
Lawyer: You don't have to answer that.
Stabler: What questions can your client answer?
Lawyer: Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.
Munch: (to Stabler)You don't have to answer that.

Bad Blood [1.11][edit]

[The murder of a gay man on the rooftop of a building could be a hate crime that leads back to his own family, the wealthy and influential leaders of a moral coalition that believes homosexuality can be cured.]

[Munch walks into the squad room and finds his colleagues filling out forms.]
Cragen: Police union found us better health insurance.
Cassidy: This form is longer than the last book I read.
Munch: Don't you see what they're doing?
Jeffries: Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.

[Cassidy turns his form back in to Cragen, who looks at it.]
Cragen: Uh, there's two "R"s in "hemorrhoids."
[The rest of the squad looks at Cassidy.]
Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey. What do you want from me?

[Regarding a pending interrogation.]
Munch: More specifically, he's mad at you.
Stabler: Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.
Benson: Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.
[Munch goes in to interrogate the suspect.]
Hale: I am not a homosexual.
Munch: Okay.
Hale: Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.
Munch: Actually, she was a half-sister.
Hale: She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.
Munch: You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?
[Cragen turns away from the window, where he is monitoring the interview.]
Cragen: Anybody know where Cassidy is?
[Cut to new scene. Cassidy is now interviewing the suspect.]

Russian Love Poem [1.12][edit]

[Discussing the embarrassing death scene of the victim.]
Munch: They still didn't have to shove a banana where the sun don't shine. That's just rude.

[Discussing the victim's love life.]
Cassidy: For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.

Katya: This is America. You can't do this.
Benson: Sweetheart, let me let you in on a little secret. Cops are the same everywhere.

Disrobed [1.13][edit]

[The murder of a judge leads SVU to a prison for pay scandal involving the purchase of sentences and paroles for criminals.]

Munch: Nice view.
Cassidy: Yeah, at night, too.
Munch: You've been here at night, too?
Cassidy: Yeah, you know. On a...a case.
Munch: Case of what?
Cassidy: Well, you know, like a...like a date. With a friend.
Munch: What friend is that?
Cassidy: Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.
Munch: Uh huh.
Cassidy: What?

Munch: I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.

Munch: Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.
Cassidy: To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.

Munch: "Hello and welcome to Parole Fone. If you want to pay with sex, press one. To make a donation to a phony charity, press two."

Cragen: Let her go.
Stabler: Why?
Cragen: Because her attorney said we have to.
Attorney: All right. I'm asking.

Cragen: If I could, I would exhume the body and kick his ass.

[To an abusive husband in prison hitting on Benson.]
Stabler: Why don't you play "The Dating Game" with someone who shares your clinical diagnosis.

Cassidy: Whatever.
Munch: My generation pioneered that succinct abstraction, but to me it still means diddly.

Limitations [1.14][edit]

Stabler: All right. We're gonna talk to some of the detectives who originally investigates.
Captain Cragen: Munch, that okay with you?
Munch: Sure, it'd be like visiting the Special Victims Unit alumni association. All the people that used to sit at these desks. Where are they now?

Jennifer: [about her rapist] He's a changed man. We prayed together.
Stabler: You prayed with your rapist.
Jennifer: Yeah. To turn him in after that would be a betrayal.

Victoria: You have the power of life and death over this piece of crap.
Jennifer: I don't want that kind of power.
Victoria: But's true, isn't it? So just drop the Lamb of God rap and tell us his name.

Entitled [1.15][edit]

Munch: Vanity, thy name is woman.
Jeffries: It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.

Jack: I hope to God we're right on this.
Captain Cragen: I hear Logan's learning to love Staten Island.

Munch: One minute you're getting your doorknob polished, the next you're sweet talking St. Peter.

Munch [to Rodgers]: Will you ever have dinner with me?
Dr. Rodgers: Not while I can still feed myself.

Jeffries: He was shot with a Black Talon?!
Munch: Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.
Jeffries: Yeah, because they killed too many cops.
Munch: Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?

Helen: [looks at a line-up] #3.
Captain Cragen: Are you sure?
Helen: Yeah. It was dark, but it wasn't that dark. I'd remember him 'til the day I die. That face, those glasses…
Stabler: It's not an audition, Ms. Katish, just, are you sure?
Helen: All right. How's this? And the winner is, number three!

Munch: You're enjoying this, aren't you?! All these guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information!
Pruitt: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the high point of my life.
Munch: Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian GEEK?!
Pruitt: Oh, it's bad cop now, right?
Munch: YOU BET YOUR ASS!
Jeffries: John, easy.
Munch: You did it, you piece of crap! I know it! You know it!
Jeffries: Seriously, come on!
Munch: No! I'm gonna kill this guy myself.
Pruitt: Call him off. call him off.
Munch: I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!
Pruitt: Come on. Is this legal?
Jeffries: Probably not.
Munch: [whispers in Pruitt's ear] I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

The Third Guy [1.16][edit]

Captain Cragen: How could you give the defense that kind of ammunition in writing? I asked you...
Dr. Skoda: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put a little sticky on your desk by his DD5, that's all.
Stabler: Well, what was on this bombshell sticky?
Dr. Skoda: "Retarded," and a question mark.

Munch [to Alfonso]: Look at me, take a good look. In 15 years, you're gonna be as old as I am.

Benson [to Carlos]: You jerk us around, you jerk your deal off the table.

Munch [about Walp]: He was fired from McDonald's. That alone will win the case for him.

Misleader [1.17][edit]

Munch: Not the Benjamin Hadley? More powerful than Pat Robertson, able to leap a tall Democrat in a single bound, President of Midvale College, which used to be a Podunk nothing; now it's suddenly a think tank for the neo-conservative movement?
Benson: Although that's an oxymoron.
Munch: I love you, Olivia.

Benson: I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me.

Burglary Detective: Why don't you take all the burglaries in Manhattan?
Benson: We only want the one where the burglar spills his seed in the victim's u-trou.

Burglary Detective: So we didn't call you. So no one wants to call you. Ever. You know. You guys are up to your necks in perversity 24/7 and my men don't understand why it is you picked your squad.
Stabler: It's people like you that makes our squad necessary.
Burglary Detective: Yeah. Well, my people don't want whatever it is you got. You're tainted. Ten bucks says the only other cops you hang out with are Brooklyn SVU.
Stabler: You lose. Bronx SVU.

Stabler: (to the burglary detective) Don't touch me. I don't like to be touched.

Benson: Frick and Frack.
Stabler: Alfonse and Gaston.
Munch: Slappy and Happy.
Jeffries: You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.
Munch: Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.
Benson: With you around, we're all doomed.

Chat Room [1.18][edit]

Stabler: Do we look like imbeciles to you?
Keith: They're just pictures.
Stabler: [screams] THEY'RE NOT JUST PICTURES!! They're underaged girls, they're scared, drugged and being photographed without their permission.

Stabler: (to Keith) Look. Someone comes to me and says they want to store illegal stuff in my garage, he's either my best friend or I'm getting something out of the deal.

Kathy: (to her husband about Internet predators) Why can't you arrest them? You know they're out there.
Stabler: (gesturing to the computer across the room) Honey, they're in here.

Stabler [to Cragen about a victim's story]: He flashed her. He perved her in ways she's not even aware of.
Captain Cragen: Okay. How about this? He entered into an improper relationship with a minor.
Stabler: You just said no real sex. According to her story.
Captain Cragen: He doesn't know that. He doesn't know what she told us.
Stabler: Oh. Now, Captain. You're not suggesting we lie to the poor man, are ya?
Captain Cragen: Absolutely not. Role-playing. Fantasy. Make-believe. That crap he's been peddling to us about victimless crimes.

Captain Cragen: [after the FBI has interfered with SVU's investigation] Don't you ever bad-mouth my people in their own station house.
Agent Schreck: Better get used to it. 'Cause when I tell Langley how an operation that involved 9 regional bureaus got blown, your name is gonna be prominently featured.
Captain Cragen: It's spelled C-R-A-G-E-N. And we were doing what we always do, which is to take pedophiles off the street!
Agent Schreck: 4 collars, at the expense of hundreds more, who, right now, are getting e-mail telling them the cops are on 'em.
Captain Cragen: It's a hell of a lot more than you did for us!
Agent Schreck: It was an undercover OPERATION!!
Captain Cragen: You were in my city investigating sex crimes, and you didn't seem fit to give me a heads-up?!
Agent Schreck: We're dealing with virtual world, which is everywhere and nowhere!
Captain Cragen: But eventually, you gotta put real-life cuffs on a real-life perp!
Agent Schreck: It's not just you! We were in Los Angeles and Chicago and dozens of other places! It's for the right reason. We wanted to bring in the big predators.
Captain Cragen: That's why the bad guys were runnin' rings around us.
Agent Schreck: Why?
Captain Cragen: Because they're workin' together, and we're not.

Contact [1.19][edit]

Attorney: My client wants to be first in line.
Captain Cragen: You want to be number one. What, is that your lucky number or something?
Avelino: Yeah, it happens to be my lucky number.
Captain Cragen: Number one it is. Good luck.

Ganzner: You close your eyes ... is that it ... to have sex?
Benson: I have sex with my eyes wide open.

Captain Cragen: [to Benson] Never turn your back on a reporter.

Munch: [to a transit cop] I'd like you to sit on the 3rd rail.

Remorse [1.20][edit]

Munch [to P.K.]: Got a name for this guy?
P.K. : Tommy something ... Irish.
Jeffries: There are, like, two million Irish in New York, P.K.
P.K. [gives a thumbs up]: Good luck.

CSU Tech: [about Logan] I don't think she suffered.
Munch: She suffered.
Tech: I mean she was killed instantly.
Munch: I know what you mean.

Munch: [to P.K.] Go buy yourself a blunt.

Nocturne [1.21][edit]

Elizabeth: Daddy, why does Christmas only come once a year?
Stabler: Because Santa Claus' credit cards are all maxed out.

Benson: I bet I know what you're thinking.
Stabler: Bet you don't.
Benson: Even the best parents can't protect their children.
Stabler: Gutter at home. Part of it is broken. I need to fix it.
Benson: Well, you can't do everything.
Stabler: You'd feel everything for them if you could. All the pain.
Benson: Sometimes I just look at the kids and I think, "Why? Why do it at all?"
Stabler: Because you want to more than anything in the world. 'Cause you want to love them every day.

Slaves [1.22][edit]

Morrow: Honey, I'd like a mineral water, no ice.
Benson: And I'd like your balls in a blender, but ain't life a bitch?

[Stabler talks to a police psychiatrist after a particularly brutal case]
Psychiatrist: How long does a case like this stay with you?
Stabler: A while.
Psychiatrist: What do you do to turn it off?
Stabler: Go home, kiss my wife, hug my kids.
Psychiatrist: You see them in the victims, don't you?
Stabler: [pause] Have you ever seen an eight-year-old with no soul? I have.
Psychiatrist: And what do you do when you see that?
Stabler: I think about people who do those sorts of things.... and I think about how I could get away with killing them.

Season 2[edit]

Wrong Is Right [2.1][edit]

Alex: Captain Cragen!
Captain Cragen: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Alex.
Captain Cragen: Yeah. Right. Of course.
Alex: Let's not start off on the wrong foot. My assignment to SVU preceded the "behavior problems" under you command.
Captain Cragen: Behavioral problems?
Alex: I'm trying to be polite.
Captain Cragen: Tip-toeing around the road kill?
Alex: Where there's smoke...
Captain Cragen: Who do you sleep with Ms. Cabot? Are you so new at this that you haven't run into somebody you wanted skip due process with? I'll apprise you ASAP, if ASAP can be tomorrow, you understand I have "behavioral problems".

Alex: You want me to secure a search warrant for the offices of a defense contractor to search classified, national security files for evidence in a sexually motivated homicide?
Munch: Is that a problem?
Alex: [sighs, picks up the phone and dials] Judge Hermann, please. [pause] This is Alex Cabot with the D.A's office. [pause] Uncle Bill... look, I need a favor.

Munch: Reevaluation stinks.
Jeffries: Truly. Best crime stats in 30 years and they're reevaluating?
Munch: It's how it works. We get rid of the criminals they fear, they start fearing us. Public hates tough cops 'til they need one.

Alex: [to Goren] A child molester only has power as long as his secret is kept. You tell the truth, his power is gone.

Dr. Skoda: How long have you been on the force?
Stabler: 14 years.
Dr. Skoda: In all those years, how many murders have actually made sense?
Stabler: None. But ... some I understood.
Dr. Skoda: But this one ... you let get under your skin. Why?
Stabler: This one my daughter saw.

Benson: [after Stabler's talk with Dr. Skoda] Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: I talked too much. Again.

Stabler: You're protecting your win-loss ratio.
Captain Cragen: Elliot.
Alex: It's okay, Captain. Detective Stabler's judgment is clouded by the stress of the Morris Commission's review and the fact that Michael did what he fantasizes about: kill a perpetrator.
Captain Cragen: It's not my fantasy and I stand with Detective Stabler on this.

Stabler: [to his daughter] What are you doing up?
Maureen: I couldn't sleep.
Stabler: What's the matter? You got nightmares?
Maureen: You have to sleep to have nightmares.
Stabler: Right. What was I thinking? You want something to drink?
Maureen: No. Dad. What that boy Michael did to that man...
Stabler: That man was supposed to take care of Michael. And instead he molested him. He abused him physically, he betrayed his trust and I think Michael...just had enough.
Maureen: So what happens now?
Stabler: He's probably gonna go to prison. All he's gotta do is tell the truth. What is it with you kids?
Maureen: It's hard to talk to adults.
Stabler: Why?
Maureen: You're always judging us. You expect us to be like you and get mad if we're not. It's just easier to talk to our friends.
Stabler: What if you don't have any friends?
Maureen: Everybody's got friends.

Captain Cragen: [to the Morris Commission] This little boy's mother stuck his hands on a frying pan until his fingers burned off ... this rape victim required 12 hours of surgery to have a steel plate put into her head after her attacker pummeled her with a claw hammer ... this one didn't make it ... is there anybody on this panel who doesn't share Detective Stabler's anger for the perpetrators? This man is a good cop. As his commanding officer, I stand with him and every good cop who faces these horrors day after day and has the strength to keep his impulses in check. Now if you can look at these pictures and not understand that, the problem here isn't Elliot Stabler, is it?

[after Stabler talks with Captain Cragen about the Morris Commission hearing about if he could keep his job]
Kathy: So?
Stabler: The Morris Commission cleared me.

Honor [2.2][edit]

Alex: A man stands up and takes responsibility. A man isn't afraid to face the consequences of his actions.

Stabler: Wilding's back in vogue.
Benson: I hate that word: "wilding." Like it's some kind of party.

Captain Cragen: It's pucker time, folks!

Captain Cragen: [about the victim, Nafeesa Amir] What, it's her fault she was raped?
Benson: She brought shame and dishonor to her family. They behead women for that where she comes from.
Munch: My first wife dishonored me. I had to pay her alimony.

Aziza: I already lost Nafeesa. I don't want to lose Jaleel too.
Benson: But Nafessa hasn't lost her honor.

Closure: Part 2 [2.3][edit]

Harper: [about Kenneth] He is the last thing I'm afraid of. If I can get over that, I will have my life back completely.

Captain Cragen: [about Cleary] We couldn't keep him. Not our fault.
Stabler: Wanna tell the victim that?

Harper: You're gonna burn in Hell.
Mr. Klein: I'm Jewish, Miss Anderson. There is no Hell.

Cleary: As one hungry man to another - is there anything better than gorging on fresh meat?
Stabler: You won't be eating out anymore.

Legacy [2.4][edit]

[An abused 7-year-old girl lays comatose as the detectives investigate members of her dysfunctional family to determine the source of the abuse]

[Munch interviews a young girl]
Munch: Hi Jennifer, I'm Detective Munch.
Jennifer: That’s a funny name, Munch.
Munch: You think that’s funny? I guess if I ever have kids I'll have to call them "munchkins".

Baby Killer [2.5][edit]

Fin: Carrying a concealed weapon is a felony.
Mrs. McCreary: I don't, I leave it at home so the appliances can defend themselves.

Stabler: [last line] Welcome to the Gaza Strip.

Noncompliance [2.6][edit]

Mark Nash: I dream of angels but I live with demons.

Mrs. Nash: Mark doesn't scare me, detective. Pathetic, narrow-minded people do.

Asunder [2.7][edit]

Munch: Perhaps you'd be more comfortable with a female detective.
Patricia: I'd be happy to talk to anyone with a brain.
Munch: There are five stages of grief. Don't go through them all at once.

Munch: All you've proven here today is that women are still chattel.
Alex: Only if they want to be.

Taken [2.8][edit]

[during her allocution, Siobhan describes Russell Ramsay's enrollment in her scam]
Siobhan: We just looked on the Internet for a sex offender. I mean, they got a whole website with pictures and MOs. And I picked Ramsay, because he wasn't as gross as the others. And he didn't look dangerous, and he liked 'em young.
Alex: How did you go about seducing him?
Siobhan: Our cousin Kyle was the advance man. He followed him around a few days and got his schedule down, and then I just showed up at his bar. I gave him the duplicate room key that Kyle had made, and I told him when to be in my room.
Alex: Well, the plan hinged on Ramsay showing up. How could you be certain he would?
Siobhan: Well, he's an ex-con with a loser job who likes young girls. I mean, it's a no-brainer.
Alex: Still, something could've gone wrong.
Siobhan: I would've plan-B'd it.
Alex: What is plan B?
Siobhan: Honey, no man passes up free sex.

Pixies [2.9][edit]

Captain Cragen: What ever happened to just hanging out on the jungle gym?
Stabler: Went the way of your eight-track tape.

Fin: Talking in Greek. You're full of surprises.
Munch: If I don't keep some mystery, you might grow bored and stop loving me.

Consent [2.10][edit]

Harry: You sons of bitches. You said I wouldn't have to take a needle.
Munch: Yeah, well, we lied.

Fin: A lapdance is a pretty strong signal.

Abuse [2.11][edit]

Benson: Your daughter needs help. I talked to a psychologist.
Ricki: You did what?!
Benson: This psychologist can help her. The thing is, she needs to see the both of you together.
Ricki: Leave us alone!
Benson: Ricki, your daughter needs help.
Ricki: Get away before I call the police.
Benson: Miss Austin, I am the police!
Ricki: Then it's damn lucky I have my own security!

Captain Cragen: You're on desk duty.
Benson: Captain, I can explain.
Captain Cragen: You can't follow my orders on the street, you try keepin' my files straight.
Stabler: Captain?
Captain Cragen: [to his other detectives] And in case anyone else here has Detective Benson's hearing problem, read my lips or buy the Cliff notes: No one is to go near Ashley Black again. That includes her family, school, house, and any employees therein.
Benson: You can't do this. Somebody's gotta help her.
Captain Cragen: Really? Well, thanks to you, now none of us can!
[he tosses a restraining order notice on Stabler's desk]

Secrets [2.12][edit]

Captain Cragen: The law isn't always about justice.
Alex: Who let you in on our dirty little secret?

Victims [2.13][edit]

Stabler: I had my own "Alan Cryder". Insurance salesman ran his business out of a converted garage in Queens. Well liked, would invite the neighbourhood kids up for ice cream and stories. One day, a six-year-old girl goes missing from a playground in Soho. Long story short, we find her underneath the floor boards of his office along with three other children, all in various stages of decomposition. But he's gone and I'm left with a cold case. Two years, nothing but silence and headaches. I wasn't sleeping a lot, I kept having these recurring nightmares where my own children would be underneath the floor boards that I couldn't pry up. And, one day, I'm just gassing up my car in Chelsea and there he is. And before I know it, I've got his face sandwiched between his windshield and the muzzle of my gun. And I'm yelling "freeze" and I realize that I'm yelling at myself. Because I can't stop my finger from pulling the trigger and I am praying for him to blink, I'm praying for him to twitch, just do something to give me an excuse. And then I see a face inside of his car. It's a girl, this beautiful little six-year old girl with these big eyes. I figured she'd seen enough.

[Stabler is in the SVU Squad room about to go home]
Captain Cragen: Elliot, how'd it go with the doc?
Stabler: She said the bandage probably kept most of Gloria's blood from entering the wound.
Captain Cragen: Good.
Stabler: [holds up two medicine bottles] Just in case, she gave me a month's supply of antiretrovirals.
Captain Cragen: Then what?
Stabler: Wait and see.
Captain Cragen: That's gonna make for a hell of a month. Listen, if there's anything....
Stabler: I got it covered.
Captain Cragen: Well, you got my number.
Stabler: Captain. Thanks.

Paranoia [2.14][edit]

Fin: You know where you are?
Homeless Man: It ain't an outhouse. It ain't the White House. So it might be the station house.
Fin: Good guess.

Benson: Hey. You feeling any better?
Stabler: Yeah. I caught some sleep up in the crib. How's Smythe?
Benson: She's awake. She's ugh, she's going to be okay.
Stabler: Say anything?
Benson: No. You sure you're okay?
Stabler: You tell Cragen about what happened last night? Me getting sick?
Benson: You heard what I said. You were standing right there. I haven't seen him since. Why?
Stabler: Boss wanted to send me home.
Benson: But he didn't. Good decision. But that stuff right there.... [points to the can of diet cola he is drinking] that'll kill you.

[Benson notices Stabler having breakfast]
Benson: Got your appetite back.
Stabler: Feels good to eat like a human being again.
Benson: You get the test results?
Stabler: Clean bill of health. Negative for HIV, hepatitis. [Benson smiles back at him; holds up a glass of O.J.] Salute.

Countdown [2.15][edit]

Alex: I need you to authorize this deal.
Phillips: Counselor, I am a public servant, and the public at large does not want this boil on the butt of humanity living to a ripe old age.
Alex: Charlie, think of the mother.
Phillips: I am. And I'm sure that she'd wanna see him to die.
Alex: Maybe. But she probably wants to know what happened to her daughter also.
Phillips: And what about the mothers of all his other victims? They want him dead. The city wants him dead. Even protesters against the death penalty wanna see this guy dead.

Captain Cragen: How goes it, Elliot?
[Stabler spits out bad coffee]
Munch: Hey! I made that! 19 hours ago, mind you, but still, a little tact.
Stabler: [looks at an empty can] Hey, Munch, why do you do this? You always do this. [to the captain] He puts the lid back on an empty can!
Munch: It's just my way.

Munch: [as Fin applies eye drops to his eyes] Can I have some of that?
Fin: No.
Munch: Please?
Fin: No.
Munch: Come on!
Fin: Can't share eye drops. That's how you get pinkeye.
Stabler: Just give him the eye drops, will you?

[the captain comes out of the bathroom stall; his detectives await him]
Captain Cragen: I'm not tipping all of you.

[the captain finds the squad room in a dreadful mess]
Captain Cragen: Damn it! This place is a pigsty!
Benson: You're the one who said no janitors.
Captain Cragen: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks, Olivia. It's my fault.

Runaway [2.16][edit]

Alex: I'm willing to speak to you. However, you have no legal authority to compel me to answer any questions.
Officer: We are well aware of that, Ms. Cabot. We're only trying to get to the truth.
Alex: Aren't we all.

Alex: If you are looking for someone to denigrate Captain Cragen or the unit, find someone else.

Captain Cragen: A girl O.D.'d and died alone. Her father, a decorated cop, 30-year career, over, no pension, his family in shambles. But you know what really, really scares me? That all you people are concerned about is some lying, murdering sack of crap.

Munch: Your Jew? Your Jew? What if I called you "my boy"?
Fin: I'll be your boy, John.

Folly [2.17][edit]

Benson: Do people have sex in bed anymore?

Benson: The earth moved.
Stabler: And he saw stars.

Fin: I am not staying in here with all these cancer-causing particles flying around.
Munch: Stop worrying. As an African-American you're statistically far more likely to die of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.
Fin: Or a bullet.

Manhunt [2.18][edit]

Munch: [to a serial rapist and murderer known as the Bowery Stalker] Shoplifting. Kind of an undignified end to such an ambitious operation.

Munch: [to the Bowery stalker] You had us stumped for over a year, Daryl. Your operations manual reads like a textbook in tactics and resource management. I've offered it to the curriculum committee at the Academy. I think the next generation of cops could learn a lot from you.

Fin: Even Aunt Mary thinks he's a hero.
Munch: Yeah, well Aunt Mary is a few tea bags shy of a full pot.

Parasites [2.19][edit]

Ava: In my country, the police help no one.

Alex: [about a suspect with diplomatic immunity] He could run me down, leave skidmarks, and we still couldn't give him a speeding ticket.

Pique [2.20][edit]

[Dr. Warner conducts the autopsy on the victim with Benson and Stabler in the room.]
Dr. Warner: External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.
[Benson and Stabler look on in disgust]
Stabler: This is fun.

[Benson and Stabler are at a suspect's mother's home, trying to locate his current address, though they avoid telling her that her son's a suspect]
Grace: I don't like cryptic conversation. They require a prevaricating nature, which I do not possess. So either you tell me what this is all about...or you can locate Jason using whatever means you have at your disposal.
Benson: Do you know what obstruction is, ma'am? This is a murder investigation, and we need to speak with your son. Now.

Dr. Huang: [about Jason] He suffers from piquerism, counselor. The knife represents his penis. It is not disposable.

Judge Barry: [during Jason's arraignment] How do you plead?
Milton: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge Barry: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Remand, your honor.
Milton: The Mayberrys are an old, upstanding family in New Jersey. My client is not a flight risk. His mother, Grace Mayberry, will produce him for trial.
Alex: Because of his trust, as well as his mother's wealth, he has means and opportunity to flee. The defendant is charged with heinous crimes. The murder victim was 7 weeks pregnant.
Milton: Objection!
Judge Barry: [pounds gavel] That was a nice try, counselor. Don't do it again.
Alex: My apologies.
Judge Barry: Bail is set at 1,000,000. Post or enjoy my hospitality. [bangs gavel again]

Scourge [2.21][edit]

[Benson and Stabler find Daniel Varney in Our Lady of Lords mopping the floors]
Stabler: Daniel?
Daniel: [stops mopping] Yes. I'm Daniel.
Stabler: Hi. Can we talk to you a second?
Daniel: Who are you?
Benson: We're the police.
Daniel: [frightened] His avenging angels cometh. [drops his mop]
Benson: We just wanna ask you a question.
Daniel: [murmurs incoherently] You cannot hide in the presence of the Lord. He sent you to judge me?
Benson: No, no. Not to judge you. To help you.
Daniel: Why?! I served him. I was... I... They were unclean, and I cleansed them in their own blood. I saved a child, a lamb that was pure...
Benson: Daniel? Daniel, come with us. Come with us.
Daniel: [pulls out his knife] Wasn't I good enough? Wasn't I good enough? Why do you send your angels for me? Why do you want to destroy me when I bring them your message? They were unclean. Why? Why do you send your angels for me? Why? Why do you want to destroy me when I bring them your message?
Benson: No. Not to destroy you. He wants to reward you.
Daniel: HE WILL JUDGE ME! Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come, thy will be done...
Benson and Daniel: [in unison] ...on Earth as it is in Heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses...
[Stabler knocks Daniel to the floor; Benson kicks the knife out of his hands]
Daniel: Pray with me!
Stabler: Get the arm.
Benson: [grabs Daniel's arm] Got it.
Stabler: [slaps the cuffs on Daniel while he continues murmuring] Daniel Varney, you're under arrest for murder. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[while in arraignment]
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Newvine, how does your client plead?
Daniel: Are you God?
Judge Petrovsky: Just an overworked judge, Mr. Varney. And I ask the questions. Not you. Guilty or not guilty?
Daniel: How can you judge me if you're not God?
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Newvine, control your client.
Newvine: We plead not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect, your honor. [to his client] Daniel, please!
Judge Petrovsky: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Remand, your honor. The defendant is clearly a dangerous...
Daniel: NO!!! [he punches Newvine; the court officers restrain him] YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! You don't sit in judgment of me! You don't sit in judgment of me! YOU DON'T SIT IN JUDGMENT OF ME! You can't judge me! You can't judge me!

Daniel: I have to ask you something.
Benson: What?
Daniel: Why didn't you shoot me?
Benson: Because I didn't want to hurt you.
Daniel: But you must.
Benson: I must what, Daniel? I don't understand.
Daniel: Kill me. Please. Please. I can't take any more pain.

Season 3[edit]

Repression [3.1][edit]

Southerland: [after he is questioned about the murder of his son-in-law] If you're asking me if I'm glad he's dead, the answer is yes. If you're asking me if I killed him, the answer is no, although I would like to buy the fellow who did it a drink.

Dr. Huang: [about the use of sodium amytal] It's called False Memory Syndrome. I think of it as the power of suggestion run amok.

Wrath [3.2][edit]

Benson: We've gotten warrants based on less, why are you stonewalling?
Alex: This is different and you know it. Once a judge hears the suspect's history, he's gonna bend over backwards for the guy.
Benson: I saw him, Alex. Plummer is stalking me.
Alex: How did he know where you were when he was in the interview room being questioned?
Benson: He must've overheard.
Alex: Okay, how many businesses are in the area near Chauncey's?
Benson: I don't know, several. Why? Where are you going with this?
Alex: Any decent defense attorney is going to say that Mr. Plummer was in the area running errands, that it was just a coincidence.
Benson: He has killed four people and we're doing nothing.
Alex: How many drinks did you have? Olivia, the system made a mistake before, now everything we do is under a microscope.
Benson: [pause] I wasn't drunk.

Stolen [3.3][edit]

Fin: Three marriages, no children. You ever consider adopting?
Munch: The kindest thing I could ever do for a kid is not adopt.

Alex: [after the captain blows up at a suspect] You lost your cool. You are too emotionally-invested in this case!
Captain Cragen: Damn right.

Rooftop [3.4][edit]

Alva: You happy now?
Stabler: Mrs. Tate, I'm sorry about Leon.
Alva: Don't you dare say you're sorry. You're glad he's dead. He didn't kill those girls, but you killed him anyway. You murdered him.
Fin: Mrs. Tate, Detective Stabler was doing his job.
Alva: My son was innocent.
Fin: Your son was gonna kill somebody with his HIV. We had to stop him. We didn't put the needle in his arm.
Alva: You didn't. But you all stick together, don't you? (storms off)

[during arraignment on the drug charge]
Judge Preston: Remand, Miss Cabot? On a third-degree possession charge?
Alex: Mr. Harris provided the drugs to young women. The People believe he is a danger to the community.
Judge Preston: Counsel, approach. [Alex and Conrad approach the bench] Miss Cabot, I have 40 more cases on the docket, and you're wasting my time on this frivolous garbage?
Alex: Your honor, it is the People's position that we...
Judge Preston: You screwed up your murder case, and now you want me to do your dirty work for ya? Not gonna happen. Step back. [the attorneys return to their positions] Bail is set at $2,000, cash only. [bangs gavel] Next case.
Rodney: [charges at King] You son of a bitch!
[he punches the defendant and gets him in a stranglehold]
Rodney: You killed my sister, man! He's a cold-blooded murderer!
Judge Preston: Officers! Officers! Officer! Clear the court!
[King bites Rodney on the arm; the court officers and detectives break up the fight]
Rodney: He just bit me! The bastard bit me!
King: [escorted out] C'mon! Bring it! Come on!
Judge Preston: Remove that man!
Rodney: You can't fight like a man, but you kill little girls!
Fin: We'll take him!
Rodney: Take me?
Fin: Yeah. You under arrest for assault.
Rodney: Whoa! He gets away with murderin' my sister, and you takin' me?!
Fin: Shh! Just shut up.

[the detectives catch King]
Fin: It's over, your highness.
King: You ain't got nothin' on me.
Munch: Just takin' a bite outta crime.
Benson: Just like you took a bite outta Rodney Thompson's arm.
Stabler: You left your DNA. Thought you were smarter than that.

King: [on the verge of a death sentence for the murders] I want a deal.
Fin: [snickers] Want a deal? How 'bout right before we execute you for killin' those girls, I bring you your last meal? How's that?

Tangled [3.5][edit]

Dr. Warner: Perp goes through the trouble of bringing a semi-automatic with him, why not just shoot the guy?
Benson: Where'd the fun be in that?

Dr. Huang: Do you gamble, Elliot?
Elliot Stabler: Only with birth control.

Cragen: It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead.

Redemption [3.6][edit]

[Investigating a series of rapes/homicides resembling those of the 'Soho Strangler', Stabler is paired with John 'Hawk' Hawkins, who put a man away for those crimes 18 years ago. Unfortunately, it begins to look as if that man was innocent all along.]

Fin: [after meeting Hawk for the first time] Who the hell was that?
Stabler: Wyatt Earp.

Hawk: [about Benson] Your partner always so friendly?
Stabler: She just doesn't like you.
Hawk: [amused] Wait 'til she gets to know me.

Stabler: [about Hawkins' style] I just don't like grand-standers.
Hawk: I thought you were going to say grandfathers. That was a tough one to lose.
Stabler: [angrily] That jury sent him home to rape that kid all over again.
Hawk: Did you make your case?
Stabler: I had him nailed.
Hawk: Then you did your job.
Stabler: [snorts] That's not good enough anymore.
Hawk: Well it has to be, 'cause that's all there is.
Stabler: I told that little girl that everything was going to be okay.
Hawk: And I told the parents of Roger's victims that he'd rot in prison.
Stabler: Well at least you put him away for eighteen.
Hawk: Yeah, well, at least you gave that little girl a few days' peace. We never win this war, Elliot.
Stabler [sighs] Just so tired of losing.

Stabler: Oh God bless the lawyers.

Hawk: [reviews old files after he has been drinking] I took eighteen years from an innocent man. There's no way I can make that right.
Stabler: So what're you going to do, quit? What are you going to tell the parents of those girls? You made them a promise, and if you're the man I think you are, you'll keep it.

[Hawk has chased the killer to the roof of a building; when Stabler catches up, the suspect is clinging to the ledge as Hawk watches, ready to let him fall]
Stabler: Hawk? Hawk, don't do this.
Hawk: Don't do what, partner?.
Stabler: We both know this isn't right.
Hawk: We both know the system sucks. This way it's just natural selection. [steps on the suspect's hand]
Stabler: Hawk, you do this, you're no better than he is.
Hawk: He sure as hell won't kill anybody else.
Stabler: This is no way to end it. Come on.
Hawk: He's an evil man, Elliot.
Stabler: And all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
Hawk: You gonna let an old drunk do all the work? Gimme a hand.
[Stabler walks up to him, and the two help the suspect onto the roof and cuff him]

Sacrifice [3.7][edit]

Fin: Can't you call in a favor?
Alex: After working with this unit, I don't have that many left.

Inheritance [3.8][edit]

Dr. Huang: Some geneticists theorise that violence is inherited.
Benson: It's not my fault. I was just born to kill.

Benson: [about a man who was convicted of rape and murder] Does he have a choice? Does anyone?
Dr. Huang: You don't hurt people, Olivia. You protect them. You're proof that we do have a choice.
Benson: Or ... or maybe I'm just lucky.

Care [3.9][edit]

Captain Cragen: [after seeing Munch and Fin play SwordQuest] Maybe we should rethink the squad room video arcade.

Benson: What exactly is a gorgon?
Dr. Huang: Are you familiar with Medusa?
Stabler: Glen's abuser is a woman.

[during Glenn's testimony, Dorothy drops her cane, shocking him]
Alex: Your honor, I object to the blatant ongoing intimidation tactics by the defendant!
Dorothy: I didn't do anything.
Glenn: LIAR! You beat her! You beat her the whole day.
Dorothy: I took you in when no one else wanted you!!
Glenn: Cassie was crying, and you kept hitting her. She tried to run away, and you made Aunt Jane tie her down. She was so little. You were supposed to protect her. But you beat her with the cane all day. You killed her! You killed her!

Alex: Who died?
Stabler: Dorothy Rudd.
Alex: Please tell me you're kidding.
Munch: Just got a call from Rikers. Massive heart attack.
Fin: Bitch didn't even suffer.
Captain Cragen: Anybody else feel cheated?
Benson: Prosecution abated by death. Sucks.
Stabler: That's it. No vindication, nobody pays.

Ridicule [3.10][edit]

Stabler: Female rage is a growth industry.

Benson: So we're saying all men are sex-hounds, and only women can feel violated?

Fin: [about Amelia] Her secretary said she should be done by now. These day traders live pretty good; short hours, spa days. What the hell is she doing in there?
Munch: Beauty treatments take time; mud baths, silica dissapation, exfoliating facial. Time and money ... some women learn early how to waste both.
Fin: Your ex-wives made you bitter.
Munch: Not bitter, just resigned.

Monogamy [3.11][edit]

Benson [to Stabler] Hey, you know everyone in that room is on your side. But we're not mind-readers.

Stabler: [about his wife] One of us has to be able to sleep at night. She thinks I'm shutting her out.
Benson: You are. That's exactly what you do. You keep this up, you're gonna ruin the best thing you've ever had.

Dr. Huang: Most species aren't naturally monogamous.
Munch: That explains my marital history.

Protection [3.12][edit]

Alex: [while offering a deal] Life without parole.
Fuentes: What kind of a deal is that?
Alex: The kind that keeps you breathing.

Munch [about questioning a young boy] I'll go. I speak 10-year-old.

Prodigy [3.13][edit]

Munch: [while looking at a board filled with thumbtacks representing chemical plants] Garden State, my ass. I guess chemical capital of the world didn't have the same zing.

Benson: [about the dead bodies in the park] He's got a wedding ring. Is this a married couple?
Stabler: Trust me, married couples don't have sex in parks.

Baker: Criminology 101, detective. If you're gonna break the law, you don't want witnesses around.
Stabler: You think you're real cute, don'tcha?
Baker: Twenty-three cheerleaders can't be wrong.
Stabler: I know where you live, I know where you learn and I know where you bury your kill. You get used to my face 'cause you're gonna be seeing it every time you turn around.
Baker: Don't lose your head, Detective. You're having enough trouble finding one.

Stabler: [to the suspect] That year you're gonna be doing on your head? Add 25 more and choke on it.

Counterfeit [3.14][edit]

[A woman's body is found near her car after she was raped. Detectives Benson and Tutuola are paired to discover what the motive was, as well as why was her car's trunk full of forged drugs.]

Fin: All right, nice dress.
Benson: Yeah, it was a nice date. Where's Munch?
Fin: He banged in sick.
Benson: He's such a hypochondriac. How many times has he had anthrax this week?

[Munch walks in on crutches]
Fin: I can't wait to hear this.
Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Benson: What happened to you?
Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Stabler: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

Benson: These cases have too much in common. Same area, same time of night...
Fin: Paula Grace was front page news. There's enough details for Franscesca to fake hers.
Benson: There is no way that she could have faked being that traumatised. I'm telling you Captain, this woman was raped.
Fin: I just don't want to send the rat squad on some witch hunt and screw some innocent cop.
Benson: Neither do I.
Fin: Could have been anybody in a uniform, didn't have to be a real cop.
Benson: Doesn't matter. This woman is a rape victim until we prove otherwise.

Guilt [3.18][edit]

Stabler: Barnett's being processed. We're headin' to Mulligan's to celebrate.
Fin: You're probably not gonna wanna do that.
Benson: And why's that?
Fin: Dad's mad.
Captain Cragen: [to Benson and Stabler] Get your asses in my office.

[Alex finds Judge Petrovsky coming out of an elevator]
Judge Petrovsky: Stalking me, counselor?
Alex: I need a search warrant.
Judge Petrovsky: What are we searching for?
Alex: Videotapes of Roy Barnett engaged in sex acts with minors.
Judge Petrovsky: You're kidding! Where are they?
Alex: Sam Cavanaugh's house.
Judge Petrovsky: [scoffs] His mother would rather see you dead than let you search the place. Information from a reliable source? Don't start.
Alex: He was a victim of Roy Barnett's until 5 years ago.
Judge Petrovsky: Which is old news. What's the rest of the story?
Alex: He's in Sing Sing for aggravated sexual abuse-1 plus a separate fraud conviction.
Judge Petrovsky: I can't believe you're even asking!
Alex: Roy Barnett is a serial child molester. He will not stop.
Judge Petrovsky: Neither of which is a reason to grant a warrant.
Alex: The tapes are.
Judge Petrovsky: You have no idea whether they even exist.
Alex: This is our last chance. I have to risk it.
Judge Petrovsky: I won't order a search based on the dubious word of a convicted pedophile! You look like Hell, Alexandra. Get some sleep.

Kressler: Linda Cavanaugh never consented to any search! The Assistant District Attorney lied her way in by claiming the apartment was a crime scene.
Alex: Sam Cavanaugh's alleged suicide attempt was never investigated.
Judge Petrovsky: Miss Cabot, you're not going to sell that here. Don't even try it.
Kressler: This was a blatant 4th Amendment violation, sanctioned and indeed carried out by the People. Therefore, any evidence found must be suppressed.
Alex: Mr. Barnett's 4th Amendment rights were not violated. Linda Cavanaugh's certainly were, but she isn't the defendant. Mr. Barnett is. He has no standing to contest a search of someone else's home.
Kressler: Are you actually arguing that you can march in like the Gestapo and search any private residence?!
Alex: I'm arguing I can search any private residence that doesn't belong to your client, and it will have no bearing on these proceedings.
Judge Petrovsky: While I deplore the Assistant District Attorney's actions, I am forced to agree that the illegal search of Linda Cavanaugh's residence is a civil tort. The defendant's privacy was not violated, and therefore, he has no legal standing to contest the search. Motion to suppress the evidence is denied. Miss Cabot, I scarcely know where to begin. The liberties you have taken. The disdain you have shown toward the law in this court are highly unethical and a disgrace to your position. Be assured I will recommend your office to look into your actions. And you have done yourself a real disservice in my courtroom. I won't forget it.

Alex: I take full responsibility for my actions.
Donnelly: Of course. You did it for the greater good, the safety of society. Bull. You did this for you.
Alex: I did this for hundreds of Barnett's future victims.
Donnelly: One. One victim. Sam Cavanaugh. Did it work? Did it assuage your guilt?
Alex: No. I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.
Donnelly: I've got news for you. It won't happen. Ever.

Justice [3.19][edit]

[In investigating the sexual assault of a 16-year-old, it's discovered that the victim is the rebellious stepdaughter of a judge, who is an old friend of Cragen's with dark secrets.]

Donnelly: Need I remind you that I am responsible for the integrity of this entire bureau?
Alex: A judge has used the power of the court to further his own agenda. If the light we shine on him isn't brighter than the light we shine on the public, then this bureau has no integrity.

Denial [3.21][edit]

[Benson and Stabler enter to find Dr. Warner inspecting a dessicated finger under a magnifying glass]
Dr. Warner: It's official. The finger's dead.

Alex: The People have requested remand.
Judge Petrovsky: Well, you're not gonna get it. 300,000.
Alex: Objection!
Judge Petrovsky: Overruled.
Alex: Your honor, I must object. Since you've rebuked me from manipulating the law to my own advantage, your ruling seems hypocritical.
Judge Petrovsky: That's enough. One more word out of you, and you'll be enjoying my hospitality.
Alex: Ma'am, I urge you to reconsider, or you will force me to file a grievance.
Judge Petrovsky: You're in contempt. Bailiff!
[the ADA leaves the courtroom]

Claire: You have no idea what it's like to have a mother who doesn't give a damn about you.
Fin: [reads newspaper] Violin's gonna start in any minute.

Claire: [to Fin] I could hug you, but I can tell you don't like to be touched.

Season 4[edit]

Chameleon [4.01][edit]

Lewin: Do you really think the first woman the state executes should be a single mother, prostitute, rape victim...
Donnelly: Serial killer.

Dr. Huang: I'm not confident with calling the suspect a serial killer.
Fin: How many guys she gotta whack until you're confident?

Benson: Sit down in the chair, Maggie.
Maggie: Where's Elliot?
Benson: Just us girls now. Sit! That act of yours was a whole lotta fun to watch. But you should know that it's not gonna work with me.
Maggie: What act?
Benson: Pretend to be a victim, you can pretend to be a whore, you can pretend to be whatever it is you wanna be. It's a joke. Maggie, you're done.
Maggie: Where's my son?
'Benson: Oh... see, that's not gonna work either.
Maggie: I do not believe that you are talking to me this way. I was raped more times than I can remember!
Benson: Right, and your mom died, and your dad beat ya. [slides a paper towards Maggie] Your mom's alive. No dad on the birth certificate. You never knew him, did you? Was your mom a pro, too?
Maggie: Where's my son? I need to see him.
Benson: Your son? You're never gonna see that kid again. You murdered seven men for a hotel room and a manicure!
Maggie: They raped me!
Benson: You want the whole world to think that you're a victim? Well Maggie, you're getting your wish. Because the state's gonna kill you.

Deception [4.02][edit]

[Benson and Stabler find Lawrence and Gloria arguing over custody of Chloe]
Lawrence: [about Gloria] She raped my son. God knows what she did to my daughter.
Gloria: Our daughter!
Lawrence: You don't deserve to be a mother, you disgusting...!
Gloria: Yeah, make up some more stories. Everyone knows it so you can get out of child support when I...!
Lawrence: I'm gonna kill you if you touch my children!
Stabler: [holds him back] FULLER! I don't wanna hear another threat like that. Now, am I clear?

Munch: [to Kyle] You have the right to an attorney. You want my advice? Don't take one that's on your mother's payroll.

Alex: During the course of their investigation, SVU detectives discovered the defendant left his jurisdiction, violating the conditions of his bail agreement.
Langan: This was obviously not an attempt to skip bail, your honor, as evidenced by the fact that my client was on his way back to New York before the detectives knew he was gone.
Alex: The sole purpose of this trip was to travel to the state of Virginia, which allows non-residents to obtain marriage licenses without waiting periods or blood tests.
Judge Ridenour: [surprised] He skipped town to get married?
Alex: Virginia also allows a person under the age of 18 to marry with the permission of a legal guardian, despite the fact that the defendant was, in fact, marrying his legal guardian, his stepmother, Gloria Stanfield, currently under investigation for child abuse and murder.
Langan: None of this is relevant to the matter of bail, your honor.
Alex: But it is relevant to the defendant's trial. This marriage is an attempt to abuse spousal privilege and circumvent the very investigation which may land the defendant in jail.
Judge Ridenour: [about Kyle and Gloria's marriage] Whether or not the defendant intended to avoid prosecution, he violated his bail agreement. Bail is revoked. The defendant is remanded. [to Kyle] Congratulations on your nuptials, young man. [bangs gavel]

Gloria: [to Kyle as she's arrested for the murder] You have no idea what you're doing.
Kyle: No, I know exactly what i'm doing, Mom.

Vulnerable [4.03][edit]

Munch: [after observing the victim who has Alzheimer's] Sad. When this steel trap starts to rust, call Kevorkian.
Fin: Consider that done.

Stabler: I never want to grow old.
Benson: In our line of work, be careful what you wish for.

Lust [4.04][edit]

Fin: [to Munch] I told you you should've left that mutt in the car.
Munch: You know how many dogs die in locked cars every year?
Fin: You know how many cops shoot their partner and get off on a justifiable?

Munch: There's a fine line between the right to privacy and prevention.
Benson: People have a right to know if they've been exposed to HIV.
Munch: Yeah, I just get a little nervous when the government starts drawing up lists.
Fin: Please don't get him started. He goes off on black helicopters and we'll be here all night.

Arthur: [during the interrogation] I was alive again for the first time in years. Greta was going to take it away. I had to stop her.

Disappearing Acts [4.05][edit]

Claudia: You cannot interrogate the prisoner about the federal case against her or anything related to it.
Benson: What if her criminal affiliations directly relate to the attack?
Claudia: Well if Miss Curry's business associates were involved, she'd be in the morgue.

Captain Cragen: I got a call from the US attorney's office with assurances; as soon as we make an arrest they will produce Amanda Curry for trial.
Benson: How are we supposed to do this without the cooperation of our complaining victim?

Angels [4.06][edit]

Dr. Warner: Jansen's genitals weren't exactly cut off. They were surgically excised ... Removed with a scalpel by someone who knows anatomy, and pre-mortem. [points to Stabler's neck] An amateur would have cut his throat straight across. Jansen's killer made precise cuts on the carotid artery here, and here, after... [starts to point to Stabler's groin]
Stabler: You don't need to demonstrate that part.

Tony: I don't know what you're talking about.
[Stabler throws him against the wall and roughs him up a little]
Stabler: You think I am some dumb cop? You think you're smarter than me?
Munch: Elliot!
Tony: I need a doctor!
Stabler: You're gonna need a morgue, pal!

Tony: [about Stewart] That rat bastard!
Munch: You'll have to be more specific. There's a lot of them running around in this case.

Walt: I didn't force Shawn. I never beat him like Jansen beat his boys. It's not the same thing!
Stabler: You're right. It's worse. You had sex with your stepson and you don't think there's anything wrong with that? What kind of sick bastard are you?

Dolls [4.07][edit]

[after seeing Munch and Fin arguing]
Stabler: Lover's quarrel?
Fin: It's gonna be a domestic disturbance if Munch don't get outta my face.

Terry: Girls are lucky. They can play with dolls. Boys aren't supposed to.
Fin: I had dolls.
Terry: You did? What kind?
Fin: You know, G.I. Joe, Batman.
Terry: Those are action figures.

Ronnie: What's your problem?
Fin: Your daughter's dead, and there's not one cell in your junkie body that gives a damn!

Waste [4.08][edit]

Stabler: She's been in a coma. I don't understand why you called us.
Dr. Sedaly: Because of the pneumonia, I ordered a chest x-ray, and the lab automatically ran its standard tests. Hers turned up positive.
Stabler: For what?
Dr. Sedaly: A baby. She's 6 weeks pregnant.

Captain Cragen: Counselor, question. Umm, what would it take to blanket-DNA an entire facility?
Alex: A constitutional amendment.

Juvenile [4.09][edit]

Stabler: [sees Dr. Warner enter the restaurant where he and Benson are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.
Dr. Warner: I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.
Benson: Am I gonna wanna stop eating for this?
Dr. Warner: Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn, and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.
Benson: All right, I'm done. [pushes her salad away]

Resilience [4.10][edit]

Stabler: [about two other children] Can you tell me who they are?
Sally: That's Philip, and that's Antoine.
Stabler: Who's their mom?
Sally: Mom is.
Stabler: Okay. Who's their real mom?
Sally: My mom is, stupid! They're my brothers.

Benson: You used your own daughter.
Angie: No. Those men did. Randall and Eno.
Benson: They swear that they didn't!
Angie: But they're lying!
Stabler: Either you let them rape your daughter, or your husband took their semen out of you and did it himself.
Angie: That's disgusting.
Stabler: YOU'RE DISGUSTING!! YOU ARE! Your own child!

Damaged [4.11][edit]

[The SVU team cooperates with a Homicide detective when a 6 year old shooting victim tests positive for gonorrhea.]

Detective: If Missy had kept her mouth shut, could've been a perfect crime.
Captain Cragen: Hey, you don't know there's been a trampoline in the room, you won't dust the ceiling for prints.

Captain Cragen: Tell me this isn't as bad as it seems.
Alex: Oh, it is.
Captain Cragen: And Missy's immunity is etched in stone?
Alex: We can't touch her. We're screwed.

Missy: You can't kill me. I'm already dead.

Risk [4.12][edit]

Fin: [on phone] I'm not tryin' to be difficult. Odafin Tutuola. Tutuola! You need me to spell it for you? C'mon!

Rotten [4.13][edit]

Edmunds: We got called out on a domestic case. The husband and wife were going at each other, as soon as we walked in the door, I didn't see the gun. Cooper jumped in front of me and held the bullet in his hand.
Benson: And you've been repaying the favor since?
Edmunds: He saved my life.
Benson: He did it for two Mercedes and a condo.

Mercy [4.14][edit]

Munch: Excuse me if I’m alarmed by the totally disregard for human rights in this country.
Fin: If you got a problem with it, why don’t you get your bony ass outta here?

Donnelly: Someone killed a child it’s our duty to speak for the victim.
Alex: So now we’re the pregnancy police? We’re violating a woman’s rights for what amounts to a Hail Mary.
Donnelly: This isn’t about abortion rights, Alex. We are talking about a one month old infant.
Alex: Okay, so what if that does work? What are we supposed to do, question every single woman who bought an EPT kit at the drugstore?

Pandora [4.15][edit]

Tortured [4.16][edit]

Alex: Thank you. You've offered a provocative theory. What it lacks in substance, it makes up for in pretty colors.

Privilege [4.17][edit]

Stabler: You call beating the crap out of her intense? Huh? You little prick. You did this to her.
Drew: Yes, I did do this, but she wanted me to.
Benson: No! No woman wants this!
Drew: Carmen did! This was her thing!
Benson: So you beat and rape her because it was "her thing"?

Candace: What have you done?
Douglas: I let you turn my son into a monster!

Desperate [4.18][edit]

Priscilla: We request a speedy trial date. My client is eager to prove his innocence. An opportunity the ADA denied him in the grand jury.
Alex: The District Attorney is under no obligation to inform...
Judge Ridenour: I know the law, Miss Cabot. I also know your reputation for bending it.

Tommy: [to Dan, before his testimony] You killed Jill.

Appearances [4.19][edit]

Munch: Both parole officers claim they're squeaky clean.
Stabler: Squeaky clean sex offender, now that's a new one.

Dominance [4.20][edit]

Duethorn: This city's a three-ring circus, and SVU's the freak show.
Fin: And you want to be the ringmaster.
Duethorn: I want to know what makes them freaks.

Fin: You had a threesome?
Maria: Yeah, until it became a twosome... and I wasn't one of the two.

Fallacy [4.21][edit]

Alex: [about a transgender murder suspect] I guess I'm more sympathetic to Cheryl than a prosecutor should be.
Branch: Maybe you'd like to defend her instead.
Alex: She sure could use better representation than that self-serving snake Berger.
Branch: Reptile though he may be, Morty Berger is a damn good attorney. He deserves a worthy adversary. Think about this: Who's going to give Cheryl a fair chance -- you, or some other prosecutor who'll put her gender on trial?

Berger: I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.
Alex: She does or you do?
Berger: Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?
Alex: Uh, to see your face on TV?

Futility [4.22][edit]

Russ: The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?
Alex: I don't know, how did he? [looks at Fin and Stabler]
Fin: He fell.
Russ: Bull.
Alex: The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

Grief [4.23][edit]

Alvarez: [to the detectives] Why would you stick a plunger up Abner Louima's ass?

Alex: [her closing argument] Some of you may believe that Perry Williams raped Vanessa Bevins in that alley. But Perry Williams is not on trial here. In fact, he never got his day in court at all. So, in the eyes of the law, he is innocent until proven guilty. Even if his guilt had been established, beyond a reasonable doubt, he could not have been executed for his crime. Ray Bevins executed Perry Williams. He shot a man who was on his knees, begging for his life. Now, some of you may think that he deserved to die. But you have to ask yourselves if he would execute a man whose guilt had not been proven. We have all felt the need for revenge at some point in our lives. We have all lashed out in pain and anger, and we have all thought that justice means an eye for an eye. But is that justice? Does Perry Williams' family now have the right to kill Ray Bevins? Does Ray Bevins' family then have the right to retaliate against Perry Williams? When would it stop? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

[after Ray's conviction]
Stabler: Ray, I'm sorry.
Ray: I'm not.

Perfect [4.24][edit]

Soulless [4.25][edit]

Munch: One of the perps was a six foot tall white man. Makes you a viable suspect.
Wolfford: This is bull!
Fin: No, that's racial profiling. Sucks, don’t it?

Benson: You think that your mother can't be broken? You think you're in total control of her? You just watch me!
Wilkens: Bring it on, bitch.

Season 5[edit]

Tragedy [5.1][edit]

Stabler: If she dies because you're holding out on us, I will personally stick that needle in your arm myself, you little prick.

Benson [to a suspect covering for her lover]: "Stand By Your Man" sounds much better when Tammy Wynette sings it.

Benson: I've got a psychic who says she can channel Annika for the right price.
Munch: Let me guess. She's in a cold, dark place near a body of water.

Manic [5.2][edit]

Moredock: It's a fact that Aptril causes anxiety and insomnia.
Alex: I suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I don't go around and shoot people.

Alex: I need your advice.
Dr. Huang: Lie down on the couch.
Alex: Not that sort of advice.

Mother [5.3][edit]

Javier: I didn't want to let her in.
Stabler: Why did you?
Javier: She sounded desperate. [pause] Okay, she gave me 40 bucks.

Stabler: Lady, I've got four kids. If I ever talked to one of them like that, I'd arrest myself.

Loss [5.4][edit]

Munch: [offers Felix a cola] There you go, Felix.
Felix: Papa, that's regular. I said diet.
Fin: You're gonna want the sugar, so drink it.
Felix: 'Kay. You people wanna treat me like that? That's fine.

Stabler: Look, we had a good run. Conviction rates are up. We had to get screwed sometime.
Benson: Cesar Velez can probably do more damage to Zapata now than the justice system ever could.
Alex: It just-- It never seems like enough, you know. The Feds'll get Zapata for killing Donovan. But what about Livia Sandoval? She dies without any justice, and we're supposed to be happy about it? We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases. But the victims, even if they survive, their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it.
Stabler: Alex, we can't always win.
Alex: But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't.

Coerced [5.6][edit]

[after Kevin has confessed to what he has done]
Stabler: It's not coercion.
Dr. Huang: You pushed Kevin into a psychotic break so I would drug him so you could coerce his confession.
Stabler: I did what I had to do to save that boy.
Dr. Huang: Great. What are you gonna do next? Bash in people's skulls to make 'em talk?
Stabler: You know, your way, Adam wouldn't have been found until he was starved to death.
Captain Cragen: All right, that's enough, both of you. Did the medication hurt Kevin?
Dr. Huang: No.
Captain Cragen: Then what's the harm?
Dr. Huang: Unless a court forces him to, it's Kevin's choice whether to take it. We don't have the right to make that decision for him.
Stabler: Do me a favor. Stop treatin' this perp like he's your patient.
Dr. Huang: He became my patient the second I gave him that injection!
Stabler: Then do me a favor. Start thinkin' about the victims here. The kid he kidnapped. The two people he stabbed. They're your victims, Doc! Not Kevin!
Dr. Huang: You made Kevin a victim, and I'm gonna testify on his behalf if this goes to trial, which Kevin will win since you handed the defense its case!
Stabler: How'd I do that?
Dr. Huang: They're gonna make you say that he wasn't rational until he was medicated, which means he's not responsible for his actions before then. You get it now?!

[Stabler, Novak, and Kevin confront Randall Haber and his attorney]
Attorney: What the hell is this?
Stabler: Randall Haber, you're now under arrest for the murders of Lester Hale and Martha Davis.
Haber: Murder? Martha Davis committed suicide.
Stabler: We exhumed her body. She died of severe heat stroke.
Kevin: Because you told them not to turn on her air-conditioning.
Haber: A jury's gonna believe him? He murdered that grocer in cold blood.
Stabler: Which only happened because you withheld his medication and kicked him out on the street. That makes you responsible for Lester Hale's death.
Attorney: Okay. One count of Man-2 with a sentencing recommendation.
Haber: Are you crazy?! I'm not makin' a deal.
Kevin: Why did you tell the aide to cut Martha's wrists? I heard you.
Haber: He doesn't know what he heard. He's a mental patient!
Novak: He's back on his medication. He's perfectly lucid, and he's our star witness. 2 counts, Man-1, concurrent. He does his 15.
Haber: 15 years?
Novak: That, or a jury can sentence to to 25 to life. [opens the door] It's your choice.
[Haber confers with his attorney]
Haber: Deal.

Choice [5.7][edit]

Benson: Did you know that in just one night of drinking, fetal alcohol syndrome can set in?
Stabler: I didn't know that.
Benson: If your wife got pregnant again, would you allow it?
Stabler: If Kathy got pregnant again I'd shoot myself.

Abomination [5.8][edit]

Munch: If an overbearing mother and a distant father cause homosexuality, how come I'm not gay?
Tutuola: Maybe you're in denial.
Munch: That'll explain a lot.

Shaken [5.10][edit]

Stabler: I love my children. And if one of them was sick, I would do anything in the world to make them better. But I would also pray to God that if all hope were gone, he'd give me the strength just to end their suffering.

Stabler: [choked up] I could've killed my kid over a lousy carpet!

Escape [5.11][edit]

[An escaped sex offender takes Benson hostage, and sends the detectives on a search for the truth regarding his case.]
Captain Cragen: [Introducing a federal marshal] Deputy Eckerson is requesting our assistance.
Stabler: Wow. Pigs really do fly, huh?

[Fin escorts Jeremy in cuffs down the corridor.]
Jeremy: I didn't do anything.
Fin: Sure you did. You obstructed justice, hindering prosecution, plus you're a lying piece of crap. We're not gonna charge you with that one.

Brotherhood [5.12][edit]

Stabler: Spin it any way you want, Counselor. You know Rob Sweeney's guilty.
Henry: I've known Rob since he was a freshman. He's a good kid.
Stabler: He's a rapist.
Henry: Nice ink on your arm. How many men in your platoon got heatstroke and broken bones trying to earn that tattoo? You were pushed as far as you could go so you would bond as a unit. That's what a fraternity is all about.
Stabler: Rob Sweeney doesn't give a damn about "bond".

Stabler: For what it's worth, you did the right thing.
Henry: [pauses] It used to be about brotherhood.

Stabler: Rob Sweeney, you're under arrest for aggravated sexual abuse.
Rob: I didn't abuse anybody.
Benson: What do you call beating up a pledge with a hockey stick?
Rob: Pledge hockey?
Stabler: You have the right to remain silent, smart ass. You give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. In the unlikely event that Daddy can't afford one for you, the court will appoint one to you.

Hate [5.13][edit]

Cragen: Whatever this is, let's be careful not to say Muslim men like to burn their wives.
Munch: No. If they want to burn people, they fly an airplane full of gasoline into an office building.
Huang: Excuse me, but they were extremists.
Munch: Sorry. But my next door neighbor's Iranian. At airports, even he's scared when he sees Middle Eastern passports. I mean, let's get real. People know it's wrong, but they think it anyway.

[Novak walks through the door]
Capt. Cragen: Casey.
Novak: Who talked to a reporter about this burned woman?
Capt. Cragen: And it's nice to see you, too.

Ritual [5.14][edit]

[during Martin Bosa's interview, Fin shows up with Mabuda]
Martin: You've come to beat me again. I am not afraid of you.
Fin: You should be afraid of her.
Martin: What can a woman do? Claw my eyes out? [laughs]
Mabuda: Deport you. Your passport's been revoked.
Benson: Meet Nigerian Under Consul Kema Mabuda.
Martin: I have a few friends home in Nigeria. Perhaps it is time I paid 'em a visit.
Mabuda: Have them visit you, at Kirikiri Prison, while you await your execution.
Benson: They use a firing squad there, right?
Fin: Yeah. And the warden thinks that's too easy, so he ties you to a pole in boilin' sun, then he has his firing squad start on your ankles and work their way up real slow.
Stabler: How soon can we get him on a plane?
Martin: [convinced] If I tell you what you want to know...?
Mabuda: [nods] I'll ask for leniency.
Martin: There's a truck arriving tonight.

Families [5.15][edit]

[Benson cuffs a runaway suspect]
Benson: What's your name?
Suspect: Screw you!
Benson: Screw You, you're under arrest for attempted rape until we nail you for the other 11.
Suspect: Prove it.
Stabler: [to a witness] Does he look familiar to you?
Witness: [looks at the suspect] That's him. That's the bastard who tried to rape me!
Benson: See, Screw You? Wasn't that easy?

Stabler: Aidan, your father was also Shannon's father.
Aidan: Shannon's not my sister.
Stabler: Our DNA tests prove she is.
Aidan: How can you know this?
Stabler: Because Shannon was pregnant, and we tested the fetus's genes.
Aidan: The fetus? Oh, God.
Stabler: Aidan, listen to me. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.
Aidan: No. No. She was my sister?! [sobs] I had sex with my sister?! [retches]

Sick [5.19][edit]

Novak: Let's talk about the Tripley scam.
Nora: Well, that was April's lie. And I believed it.
Novak: We have the scrapbook.
[Nora looks on at Conrad, then turns to the ADA]
Nora: Well, it's not as though he's an innocent victim, is it? He's a pedophile. He deserved it!
Novak: I'd just as soon clear this one off the books, so fill in the blanks and I won't charge you with the fraud counts related to it.
[Conrad whispers into her client's ear, then turns to Novak]
Conrad: It sounds like you know everything already.
Novak: Crime lab found a hair in April's underwear.
Nora: During the party, I snuck into his room, and I took it from his hairbrush. When they asked me for the clothes she'd been wearing, I'd already planted it.
Novak: Do you have any idea how much damage you've caused?
Nora: But you agree with me! He deserved it!
Novak: He deserves to go to jail! Thanks to you, he can claim he's the victim of a false allegation every time a legitimate one comes up in the future!
Nora: Sorry.
Novak: I don't believe you. But you'll have a good long time to pay for it in prison.
Conrad: We just made a deal.
Novak: I'm not charging her with fraud on Tripley. I'm charging her with fraud on the cancer scam.
Conrad: Münchausen.
Novak: Bull! She's been working this for a year. Totaling all the bake sales, canister donations, and Internet solicitations, she's bilked people out of 60 grand!
Conrad: What are you offering?
Novak: Not a thing. I'm taking you to trial.
Nora: Please! Please! Think of April! There is no one else to look after her!
Novak: You've gotta be kidding me! What you were doing nearly killed her! I'm charging you with fraud and attempted murder.
Nora: But you heard what she said! I'm sick!
Novak: No jury's that stupid. They'll see it wasn't Münchausen. Just pure unadulterated greed.

Criminal [5.21][edit]

[after the captain has informed Vega of new evidence clearing him of Wheeler's murder]
Vega: A mistake?! That's the best you can say? We made a mistake?!
Captain Cragen: I'm sorry. I'll talk to the ADA, get you outta here right away.
Vega: [sarcastically] My hero.
Captain Cragen: I wanna make things right.
Vega: There's nothin' you can do.
Captain Cragen: I can try.
Vega: Can you bring Rebecca back to life?! Can you give me back my career?! [Cragen walks up to him] Get outta my face.
Captain Cragen: You're usin' again. Not even trying to hide it.
Vega: Makes the time go quicker.
Captain Cragen: You need to get cleaned. I can get you help.
Vega: [sits back down] Your help put me here.
Captain Cragen: You change your mind, you know where to find me. [to the guard] On the gate!
[the gate opens; Cragen is about to leave]
Vega: Who killed Rebecca?
Captain Cragen: Somebody who wanted to hurt you. Any ideas?
Vega: Besides NYPD, no. So, this guy rented a car like mine?
Captain Cragen: Yeah.
Vega: Where from?
Captain Cragen: A place on Houston. I'll keep you posted.
Vega: I won't hold my breath.

[the police find Vega strangling Kyle Luhrmann at gunpoint in Central Park]
Luhrmann: You gotta help me! He's crazy! He's gonna kill me!
Captain Cragen: I don't blame him! But let him go, Vega!
Vega: He killed Rebecca!
Luhrmann: I didn't do anything to her! I swear!
Vega: Tell 'em what you did, or I'll blow your head off!
Luhrmann: [tries to breathe] I killed her!
Vega: Why?! What she do to you?!
Luhrmann: I loved her, but she told me she was marrying you. I went to her apartment and gave her one last chance. She blew it.
Vega: You're dead.
Captain Cragen: Put the gun down. You got your confession. You shoot him, you're dead. You kill him, you lose your daughter, too.
Vega: Gabrielle's better off without me!
Captain Cragen: She came to see me. She begged me to bring you home.
Vega: The only way I'm leavin' here is in a body bag!
Captain Cragen: Not if you let him live. He confessed to murder. He's finished. Let me help you.
Vega: Nobody can help me.
Captain Cragen: You're still thinkin' like a junkie. Fine. Go ahead, kill him. Show me you're still a murderer, too.
[Vega slowly and remorsefully releases Luhrmann, sobs, and drops his gun, but just as he is about to approach the captain, Luhrmann grabs the gun and is about to shoot Vega]
Cop: GUN!
[other cops shoot Luhrmann; Luhrmann hits the ground dead]

Bound [5.23][edit]

[Detectives pursues a serial killer who stalks elderly women.]
Answering machine message: Hey, Spevak. You're late again. You better pay up, Doc, or we're coming over.
Fin: Doesn't sound like Mastercard.

Huang: I looked at the autopsy photos of the first three victims. [Tosses rope to Stabler] Strangle me?
Stabler: [Grinning broadly] I'll try.
Huang: [hastily reaches for the rope] I'll hold the rope.

Judge Terhune: [opens the house door to find Novak standing outside] What the hell do you want?
Novak: I'm so sorry to bother you at home, Judge Terhune, but it's urgent.
Judge Terhune: Well, I'm in the middle of something pretty important myself.
Man's voice: [from inside] Joe! Are you foldin' this hand?
Judge Terhune: No! [to Novak] Look. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon in. C'mon.
[Novak follows him inside]
Novak: I just need your honor's signature.
Judge Ridenour: You just hit the jackpot, dearie.
[Novak stops at the door of a room; inside there are several judges playing poker]
Judge Terhune: [sits down at the table] I'm in. I believe you all know ADA Novak.
Novak: Judge Ridenour, Judge Petrovsky, Judge Wyler, Judge Bradley. I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.
Judge Petrovsky: Charming.
Judge Terhune: What could be so important that it couldn't wait until morning?
Novak: An exhumation order.
Judge Wyler: Better sign it, Joe. Corpse might be a flight risk.
Novak: Your honor, this body may be the key to solving 6 murders.
Judge Terhune: And I take it the family won't consent, hmm?
Novak: The suspect is the sole survivor. We want to exhume her mother. We think she killed her, too.
Judge Ridenour: Mom's death ruled a homicide?
Novak: No. But we have new evidence.
Judge Terhune: And you want me to disturb the sanctity of the dead on your say so?
Novak: I have a very convincing, but long argument that'll disturb the sanctity of your poker game.
[Terhune signs the order]
Novak: [sighs] Thank you.
Judge Terhune: Go. Go. Go! Go! [throws his chips into the pot as Novak leaves]

Poison [5.24][edit]

Novak: Why did you tell the defendant to seek psychiatric help so this tragedy doesn't occur again?
Judge Taft: She was upset.
Novak: Because it sounds like you think she really did poison her daughter.
Judge Taft: It was a mistake! Is that what you want me to say, Miss Novak?! One mistake in almost 3 decades on the bench?!
Novak: Didn't you make another arguably bigger mistake when you wrongfully convicted Rosalin Silvo of murdering her daughter and sent her to prison for 10 years?!!
Judge Taft: That's a totally separate issue, and completely immaterial to this case!
Novak: You can't object, Judge Taft.
Judge Bradley: But I can, Miss Novak. Get back to the case at hand.

Novak: Did you tell Karen Campbell to suffocate her daughter?
Judge Taft: Absolutely not.
Novak: But you talked to her even though it was clearly improper.
Judge Taft: It was a mistake!
Novak: You don't make mistakes, though. You make judgments! Who's innocent, who's guilty! You saw Rosalin Silvo, and she was a whore. That means she's a bad mother. And then you saw Karen Campbell. Why did you talk to her, judge?!
Judge Taft: [to Judge Bradley] Your honor!
Novak: Why talk to Karen Campbell?! Why talk to a woman that tried to murder her daughter?!
Judge Taft: I didn't know!
Novak: Didn't know what?! That she'd turn around and try to do it again?!
Judge Taft: I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!
Judge Bradley: [bangs gavel] That's enough! Miss Novak, try that again, and you're in contempt. [to Taft] Sir, you will be, as well, if you don't sit down. Now.

Head [5.25][edit]

[The discovery of a hidden camera in a public toilet turns into a chase for a pedophile when the voyeur's recordings show a sexual assault on a minor.]
Munch: Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."
Dr. Huang: You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia...
Benson: Okay. Let's not go there.

Fin: [on the phone, regarding the toilet cam] To be honest with you, I have no idea how we're gonna identify the victims.

Munch: [waits for the voyeur suspect to answer the door] If there's any poetic justice, we caught him in the bathroom.

Season 6[edit]

Birthright [6.1][edit]

Captain Cragen: $3,000 worth of damage to the car?
Stabler: What can I tell you? I zigged when I should have zagged.

Stabler: King Solomon said, "Bring me a sword. Divide the living child in two. Give half to one mother, half to the other."
Novak: Except I can't split the baby.
Stabler: Solomon didn't have to.

Benson: Mrs. Osborne, we're gonna have to place you under arrest.
Michelle: For what?
Benson: Conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
Michelle: Go ahead. You'll see I'm right.

Benson: Michele, this has got to stop now, okay? We know everything. Anna was on the police report from your husband's accident. She died in the car with him.
Michelle: No, they never found her remains.
Benson: Michelle, they were hit by a gasoline tanker. There was nothing left. I'm sorry. But you know what I'm telling you is the truth.
Michelle: I know my daughter is alive!

Benson: Casey, you've got to plead her out.
Novak: Why would I do that?
Benson: Because what happened was a mistake.
Novak: Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.
Benson: Her little girl biologically!
Novak: But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.
Benson: Well, then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those two women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.
Novak: Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.

Debt [6.2][edit]

Novak: We found Jiao’s body buried under your whorehouse in Flushing.
Ricky: Check the property rules, Mrs. Chan owns that place, sweet old lady.
Novak: Grandma didn’t slit Jiao’s throat.
Ricky: How do you know?

Customs Officer: We use to raid sweatshops every week for making phony handbags, designer jeans, even T- shirts, but since 9/11, we put all our manpower into DVDs.
Benson: Boot-leg movies pose a threat to national security?
Officer: When al-Qaeda’s selling them. Interpol raided a sleeper cell found 20,000 copies of "The Lion King." Cheap to make, the profit margin’s higher then drugs and a hell of a lot less risky.
Stabler: Using Mickey Mouse to fund terrorist attacks on America. What next?

Obscene [6.3][edit]

B.J.: Do you wake up every morning and think, "How can I trample on the First Amendment today?"
Novak: I wake up and think, "How can I put away a rapist?"

Stabler: [reads hate-mail] "Roses are red, Violets are blue. When Jessie is dead, her corpse I will..." You get the idea. There's hundreds like this.

Novak: What did I do wrong?
Donnelly: What, aren't you going to even say "hi" to your boss?
Novak: Hi. What did I do wrong?

B.J.'s Assistant: They yanked us off the air before the best part.
Fin: Something heavy fell on B.J.'s head?

Scavenger [6.4][edit]

Benson: [about the suspect] A serial killer kleptomaniac who's afraid of the dark.

Dr. Huang: What did your mother do to you?
Humphrey: Please, with you people, it's always the mothers.

Novak: I just set a new world record getting these warrants. Not to mention risking my life interrupting Judge Terhune's poker game, again.
Munch: [to a guard] Open it. [to the ADA] Poor baby. I've been up for 40 hours.

[Stabler's phone vibrates]
Humphrey: Why, detective, is that your phone vibrating, or do you just find me terribly exciting?
Stabler: 911 from the wife.
[he answers the phone; Benson is on the other end of the line]
Benson: I talked to Novak. He gives us her location, she'll take the death penalty off the table.
Stabler: Oh, I don't know. You know how I hate letting these kids get away with that kinda thing. Okay. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Humphrey: [suspiciously] Oh, no "I love you" this time? It rings one more time, and we're DONE!!! AS IS JEANETTE!!

Outcry [6.5][edit]

Benson: I've never met a victim who testified against their attacker and regretted it afterwards.

Stabler: You know Tandi's face was on the TV and newspaper all weekend long. How come you didn't report seeing her?
Cadet: I guess I just didn't put two and two together.
Stabler: Yeah, I could see where that would be a problem for you.

Stabler: Do you think you could recognize her again?
Cashier: Sure could. [Elliot pulls a picture out and shows it to him] That's her.
Stabler: You've been very helpful, Thank you. [walks outside where Olivia is on her phone with Fin]
Benson: Fin, it's Liv. Look, can you check with the lab for food wrapper and soda cans found at the scene? Yeah, great, thanks. [hangs up the phone]
Stabler: Don't get your hopes up.
Benson: He didn't recognize Tandi's photo?
Stabler: He recognized my daughter Kathleen.

Tucker: I've know Tandi since she was 8. I watched that girl grow up. I supported her family when her father was sick. I've loved her like a daughter and to suggest that I might harm her is disgusting.
Stabler: I'm touched.

Conscience [6.6][edit]

[after Dr. Morton's acquittal]
Stabler: You manipulated us, just like Jake did.
Dr. Morton: There's one big difference. Jake would've killed again. I won't.

Charisma [6.7][edit]

[A pregnant 12-year old puts the SVU unit on the trail of a charismatic cult leader, but when tragedy strikes some of them find there are some horrors they cannot handle.]
Huang: What do you most remember seeing after you entered the house?
Stabler: Dead bodies.
Dr. Huang: Anything specific about them?
Stabler: Bunch of dead bodies.

Dr. Huang: Then you think this is a big waste of your time.
Munch: Hell, no. I think we should all sit around all day and chat about our feelings.
Dr. Huang: Well, what do you want to talk about?
Munch: Well, it doesn't really matter. We can all talk until we're blue in the face. It's not going to change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and will always come up with elaborate, repulsive, and depraved ways to kill each other.
Dr. Huang: And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?
Munch: What?
Dr. Huang: That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be. You can still be sickened.
[Munch looks away]

Benson: If you want I can try to find the father of your baby. Do you know his name?
Melanie: Abraham.
Benson: And who's Abraham?
Melanie: He's my husband.

Benson: I'm afraid that... I won't be able to handle it.
Dr. Huang: But you are. By acknowledging that it affects you. That's the way you handle something traumatic.
Benson: Well, I guess the real problem is that I'm afraid that... that it's not working. [starts to cry]

Benson: Now, those women out there might be brainwashed, but you're not. You know exactly what he is: A murderer and a child rapist.
Sarah/Cindy: That's not true!
Benson: You knew who he was and you let this happen! You let all those children die!
Sarah/Cindy: It was God's will!
Benson: No, Sarah! It was your will! You can blame God, and you can blame Abraham, but we all know the truth! You did this! You sat there, and you watched as a man raped one of your children and then murdered the other! You might has well have killed him YOURSELF!!
Captain Cragen: Olivia!
Benson: [calmly] He has one of your children and he has your unborn grandchild.
Sarah/Cindy: This is a test. I won't be tempted.
[Benson leaves the room in disgust]

Eugene: How can you stand it? How can you invite this depravity into your mind? Your body? Your soul? They will kill you. Every horror, every torment afflicts your body. Like a cancer. It's devouring your, and you can't see it. Open your eyes.
Benson: You know, I just thought that you were just another con artist. Seeking out people who were starved for anything that would give them meaning in their life. They're easy marks. You talk about God, the apocalypse and they give you all their money. But you are much more pathetic than that. You actually believe your own hype. You've conned yourself.

Eugene: All these men have come to kill me!
Benson: Shut your mouth, Eugene!
Eugene: Why?! Because they know! They know that I am greater than man! I am greater than God! And they're afraid of what I can do!
[a gunshot is heard and Eugene hits the ground dead; Melanie is holding the gun and she starts sobbing; Benson rushes over, takes the gun away, and holds her]
Benson: It's okay. It's okay. Put the gun down. It's okay.
Melanie: That was a lie.
Benson: What was?
Melanie: He said he was greater than God. But nobody is.

Doubt [6.8][edit]

Benson: Elliot, what happened between you and Kathy?
Stabler: Well ... the job made me kind of hard to live with.
Benson: She should try working with you.

Weak [6.9][edit]

Benson: [to Gina] You think you got a good enough look at him to work with a sketch artist?
Gina: He was behind me most of the time. White guy, hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, big sunglasses, smelled like an ashtray. Guess it's not going to help you with your sketch unless it's a scratch and sniff, right?

Benson: [about Miranda Cole] As best I can tell, she was raped by terrorists.

Munch: Visit with mom, evening of rape, what would Freud say?

Dr. Hendrix: [to Thomas Mathers] Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Thomas: Lots of guys don't find a right girl.
Benson: That's true. I mean, being single's not easy.
Thomas: You would not look at me twice if I asked you out, you would not give me a time of day, so don't pretend you understand what I'm going through. I don't need your pity.
Stabler: You're just looking for the right girl. And one day you'll rape her and live happily ever after.

Benson: [to Elliot] I can't believe that you are gonna take a shrink's opinion over actual facts.
Dr. Hendrix: [offended] Bye.

Stabler: What's your problem? She's a cop. That's all I need to know.
Benson: No, Elliot. She didn't think that being a cop was good enough, so she quit.
Stabler: Is that what this is about, some inferiority complex?
Benson: You know, I get that you are on the rebound and everything, but if you could keep it out of work that'd be great.

Haunted [6.10][edit]

Chief Muldrew: Captain Cragen, how's Detective Tutuola?
Captain Cragen: He's still in surgery, Chief.
Chief Muldrew: Those damn reporters. They're more interested in the gun than a cop fightin' for his life.
Munch: The vultures wanna crucify him,... sir.

Fin: Who's the best at undercover in your squad?
Sandoval: I'm your guy.
Fin: No offense, but my grandmother wouldn't sell an aspirin to you.

Fin: Cold pills?
Sandoval: Yep, and matchbooks.
Fin: Thousands of them.
Sandoval: You need both to cook crystal meth.
Fin: Well, that explains the pole-cams and the booby-traps. Meth makes you paranoid.
Sandoval: Beyond paranoid. I once collared a heavy tweaker who shot his dog because he was afraid he was gonna rat him out to the cops.

Contagious [6.11][edit]

Holly: [about to get an IV] I wish my dad was here.
Stabler: You'll see him in a while. What's your most favorite thing you like to do with your dad? I got twins your age, and we like to go to the beach together.
Holly: My dad takes me to the beach, too. We build sand castles. I don't like needles.
Stabler: Okay. Hold onto my hand. Now close your eyes and pretend that you're at the beach building sand castles with your dad. And if it hurts, you squeeze my hand really hard, okay?
Holly: What do you do when something hurts?
Stabler: I think of my kids.

Munch: [to a tip caller] We don't need a psychic. You're that good. Who's gonna win the Super Bowl?

Mark: I never touched Holly Purcell!
Benson: She's at your house all the time. She's in your class at school. You couldn't stop thinking about her.
Mark: Holly's like one of my own daughters!
Stabler: You give private lessons to your daughters, too?
Mark: You're disgusting! How dare--?!
Stabler: I'm disgusting?! [pins Mark to the wall] Holly told us what you did to her!
Mark: THEN SHE'S LYING!
Stabler: You tore her up, and she's got the scars to prove it! [releases Mark]
Mark: I don't know what in hell is going on around here! But I'm not saying another word! I want a lawyer!

Identity [6.12][edit]

[The death of a gang member seems to be related to a sexual assault, but Benson and Stabler discover when they find the victim that things are not exactly what they seem.]
[Finding a can of paint in an allegedly 'ex'-graffiti artist's locker.]
Munch: Looks like someone's still got the aerosol monkey on his back.

[In interrogation]
Logan: I don't know how to dumb this down for you anymore. It. Wasn't. Me.

Dr. Blair: [Regarding gender reassignment surgery] Any plastic surgeon will tell you, it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.

Benson: Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?
Dr. Blair: I showed them art books.
Stabler: Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.
Dr. Blair: That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
Stabler: You lost me at bourgeois.

Quarry [6.13][edit]

Benson: Before you and Kathy had kids, did you ever wonder how they were going to turn out.
Stabler: All the time, still do.
Benson: At least you know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel.
Stabler: And look how great you turned out.... It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids.
Benson: Good night.

[Benson has one last interview with Lucas Biggs on death row]
Benson: Somebody murdered Deacon Brinn. Somebody you knew that you abused him.
Biggs: I never abused Deacon or any of the boys. I loved them.
Benson: Your love ruined their lives.
Biggs: I didn't do anything wrong.
Benson: Come on, Lucas. You know that's not true.
Biggs: What'd I do wrong? I was born with these feelings. I don't know why I have them. They were always there. Wasn't exactly like I had a choice.
Benson: Neither did the 117 boys you molested.
Biggs: I never hurt them. It never hurt me.
Benson: You were abused.
Biggs: [after a moment of pause] My father left when I was a baby. And when I was about 9, this man moved across the street. He was the only one I could talk to. He loved me, he cared for me. And touching me was how he showed it.
Benson: I'm sorry.
[Biggs starts to break down in tears]
Biggs: I never meant to hurt the boys!
Benson: Lucas, Deacon Brinn is dead. And the killer knew what you did to him. Just tell me who you told.
Biggs: No one!
Benson: There has to be somebody. In jail. Somebody who knew you back then. Somebody who knew about you and Deacon.
Biggs: There was a little boy. He used to follow Deacon and Jeffrey around. And Deacon used to look at him the way I looked at boys.
Benson: What was his name?
Biggs: Avery. His name was Avery.

Game [6.14][edit]

[The squad is puzzled at the murder of a random woman until they discover that it is linked to a popular video game.]
[Fin and Munch interview a computer game designer.]
Designer: That sequence was an easter egg.
Fin: A what?
Munch: That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.
Designer: You're not as old as you look.

Designer: Stu used to work here. We had to fire him because he snuck copulating bunny rabbits into a children's game we make.

Novak: [her closing argument] Did Garrett and Louise get the idea from a game? Yes. We get ideas all the time. From books, from TV, from friends, from life, from everywhere. We don't act on them. We know that the idea doesn't justify the deed. Don't let Mr. Gates blind you to the facts. Real people ran over a real person, and then they beat her to death. Melody Quinn felt real pain. She bled real blood. And she died a horrible and lonely death. It was not a game. Now, did Melody's killers know what they were doing? Well, their taunting of Larry Tauber, the one member of their trio with the humanity to feel regret, proves that they did! Garrett Perle said it himself. It was a joke! Well, you know what? Murder is no joke! So don't let them use a game as an excuse for their cruel and callous actions.

Garrett: [after his and Louise's conviction] Bang-bang. You're dead.
Judge Seligman: Get him outta here!

Hooked [6.15][edit]

Stabler: How many teenage girls do you know who are too busy to have boyfriends?

Benson: When we were kids, our parents told us we were too young to date just one guy.
Stabler: Now you pray your kids only date one guy.

Stabler [about the victim, Lisa Downey]: How did this happen? Six months ago, she was just another 15-year-old girl.
Benson: Until she started hooking up with half of Queens. After that it's no big deal to have sex for designer clothes or prostitute yourself at a hotel.
Captain Cragen: She winds up as Trudy Strutz, Porn Star.
Stabler: She winds up dead on a roof.

Ghost [6.16][edit]

[just as Connors is about to be released before trial]
Novak: [to Benson and Stabler] Arrest him. [to the judge] Your honor, my detectives are here to re-arrest the defendant.
Kressler: On what charges?
Novak: The murder of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.
Kressler: Your honor, this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client.
Judge Preston: Save it, counselor. Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I'll see you both at arraignment. [bangs gavel]
[Stabler slaps the cuffs on Connors]
Connors: You can't prove I killed her. And the dead can't talk.
Stabler: Liam Connors, you're under arrest for murder.

Agent Hammond: What the hell are you people doing?
Captain Cragen: Agent Hammond, most people knock first.
Agent Hammond: You should've called me before your detectives arrested Liam Connors for the murder of Alex Cabot.
Captain Cragen: Connors blew up one of your agents. I didn't expect flowers, but I thought you'd be pleased.
Agent Hammond: If Connors goes to trial, I'm called to testify, what am I supposed to do?
Captain Cragen: Do your job.
Agent Hammond: That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I just came to tell you that you're on your own. I'm not gonna ruin my career by committing perjury. Do we understand each other, Captain?
Captain Cragen: She's alive. You son of a bitch! You stashed Alex in witness protection.
Agent Hammond: You didn't know.

Alex: Do you have a question?
Kressler: Only one. Did you see my client shoot you?
Alex: I saw his gun aimed at my heart.
Kressler: Please, Miss Cabot, just answer the question. On the night that you were shot, did you see Liam Connors anywhere in the vicinity?
Alex: No, but he's a coward. He likes to run away. [to the defendant] Did you leave a family behind in Ireland, Mr. Connors?
Kressler: Your honor?
Judge Preston: Miss Cabot, please.
Kressler: You have absolutely no idea who shot you, do you?
Alex: Oh, I have an idea. It's the kind of man that likes to rape a woman to make her talk.
Kressler: Let me rephrase the question. Did you see Liam Connors shoot you?
Alex: No. But I know it was him.
Kressler: Objection, your honor!
Alex: It takes a lot of balls to shoot an unarmed woman and a sleeping child!
Kressler: Your honor! Objection!
Alex: [to Connors] It's too bad your aim wasn't a little better!
Kressler: Objection, your honor!
Connors: You think you're safe?! [jumps out of his seat while the court officers restrain him] They know where you are! You should've stayed dead!
Judge Preston: ENOUGH! We're in recess until Mr. Kressler can control his client. You may step down, Miss Cabot.

Rage [6.17][edit]

Gordon: Every cop has a weakness, you just gotta know how to exploit it. They treat you like you're an imbecile, if you're not careful, you start to believe them. It's a game for them, they get off on it. They got these huge egos, that's their biggest problem. All you gotta do is let them know who's in charge. Not them, you. They used to call FBI agents gangsters with badges, they were one step away from being the worst criminals in society. Stabler's like that, big time.
Fin: Who's Stabler?
Gordon: Jarhead detective.
Fin: You know him?
Gordon: I do, and he knows me too. He's been thinking about me for a long time. He tries to hang you with your own words. Catch you in a lie. You're dead when that happens.
Fin: So what do you tell him?
Gordon: The truth will set you free.

Munch: I was never much into sports. My high school basketball coach said I looked like a retarded gazelle with a spastic disorder. Mr. Daley. Real loving guy.

Captain Cragen: So, Elliot screams at him. What was the plan after that?
Fin: Don't know. That was the end of the plan.

Stabler: You know, after 16 years of doing this, I've learned to tell the difference between a pedophile and a man who rapes children. In their own sick way, pedophiles think they love children, that they build a relationship with them. You know how to get a pedophile to confess? Give them the opportunity. Most of them feel so guilty, they're just dying to tell you. But it's not that way with you. With you, it's not about power or control — it's about annihilation. You don't love the children — you hate them. Because they have what you never will: Hope.
Gordon: [smirks] Is that why I do it?
Stabler: That's part of it. The other part, the part I've been trying to get at all night, is the rage. You hide it very well — it's impressive, really — but I know it's there. Gordon, you're kidding yourself if you think you're controlling it. It's controlling you. Every lie you tell to cover your inadequacies… every perceived insult you think you're getting… just feeds it.
Gordon: You're lecturing me about rage? Are you kidding?
Stabler: I'm not.
Gordon: What do you know about controlling anything?
Stabler: I don't murder people.
Gordon: Give it time. You say you see something in me. Well, I see something in you, too. You think you control? You can't. You're controlled by your boss, by your job, by your wife… your kids… What would you be if all those controls went away?
Stabler: [quietly] I'd be you.

Stabler: Did you think I froze? Is that why you fired first?
Benson: [sadly] I fired first 'cause you would've killed him.
Stabler: He deserves to die.
Benson: Maybe he does, but he wanted you to kill him. He wanted you to always remember that you took his life. Not because you had to, but because you were angry.

Pure [6.18][edit]

Stabler: [to Ballentine] What is it with this virgin compulsion? Afraid you're not gonna measure up to other men?
Ballentine: Oh, no, no, I'm more than adequate in bed. But the expression on a girl's face her first time is ... incomparable.
Stabler: These girls weren't having sex. They were being raped.

Ballentine: Here's my card, my name's Sebastian Ballentine.
Stabler: The Sebastian Ballentine?
Ballentine: You've heard of me?
Stabler: No.

Suspect: I deserve an apology... in writing!
Munch: You'll be receiving one in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.

Intoxicated [6.19][edit]

Stabler: Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, not their parents.

Benson: You saw how she humiliated Carrie in front of the entire squad. I don't like her.
Captain Cragen: Well, she has a right to be upset.
Benson: She's upset, because she thinks Carrie's gonna end up just like her-- Pregnant without a man.
Captain Cragen: Denise Eldridge believes a crime was committed against her daughter.
Benson: Denise Eldridge is a fruitcake.
Stabler: Well, dessert is served. [shows Denise in the squad room]

Captain Cragen: Olivia, my office! [they both enter his office] Why is Denise Eldridge screaming to One PP that you talked her daughter out of a rape kit?
Benson: Carrie didn't want it.
Captain Cragen: Now that's exactly what Simone Bryce told Carrie's mother. That's funny how a children's rights attorney just happened to show up at the ER.

Denise: My daughter's been violated. Whose side are you on?
Benson: Hers. [leaves]

Benson: You know I'm right.
Stabler: What, that Denise is a fruitcake? Yeah. But she's trying to protect her daughter.

Simone: Olivia, what are you gonna do?
Benson: I have to tell the D.A.
Simone: Hold on. You know it wasn't murder.
Benson: Why didn't you present that as evidence?
Simone: She refused to talk about it. [pauses] You remember what that was like. ]Olivia nods slightly]

Night [6.20][edit]

Benson: Casey, I had to go three blocks to find an open coffee shop. If you went home, I'm gonna kill you.

Benson: [to Casey] You feel like a cup of coffee?
Novak: Every second of every day.

Blood [6.21][edit]

Captain Cragen: [to Elliot] How many times do you think you can break the rules and get away with it?

Fin: With men, it's just business. They take what they want: money, drugs, sex. With a woman, it's personal.

Jenny: Do you have children?
Stabler: Yes.
Jenny: What would you do if one of them got into trouble? You'd help them.

Jenny: You arrested Kevin?
Benson: He'll be in a treatment program. He's getting the help he needs, and you can live your life without being afraid.
Jenny: What life? You took my son away. What have I got to live for now?

Parts [6.22][edit]

[Upon learning that a disembodied head had traces of semen in her mouth.]
Fin: He didn't even let her gargle.

Huang: He disarticulated her after he killed her.
Munch: What's the fun in that?

[Munch and Fin head into a synagogue to find a suspect.]
Munch: Put this on.
[Munch hands Fin a yarmulke.]
Fin: I look Jewish to you?

Stabler: Cause of death?
Coroner: Heroin trip.
Fin: This girl didn't OD.
Coroner: No, I mean she tripped on the subway stairs because she was high.

Munch: Let's hope the rest of her is in there. Resting in pieces.

Body seller: Listen. It's not what you're thinking.
Stabler: Oh, you have no idea what I'm thinking.

Munch: No one should have to choose between obeying the law and watching their son die.

Goliath [6.23][edit]

Benson: [to Officer Vaill about Officer Callahan] Are you sleeping with him?
Officer Vaill: Let me be very clear, Detective Benson. I'd be more inclined to have an affair with you.
Benson: Got it.

Fin: Callahan's either a great guy or an unpredictable bastard, depending on who you talk to.
Benson: That's helpful.
Fin: It's better than Munch's "evil twin" theory.

Novak: [holds a newspaper] Take a look at this.
Captain Cragen: Yeah, we've seen it.
Novak: So has Arthur Branch, meaning I'll be a special kind of pain in your ass until this is sufficiently explained.

Stabler: What the hell's all this? [sees the columns of boxes in Casey's office]
Novak: U.S. army's version of "bury me in paper." Their response to my subpoenas.

Branch: [to Novak] Conference room, NOW!
Stabler: What's that about?
Novak: Oh, probably just another of the subpoenas I sent out.
Stabler: For what?
Novak: Donald Rumsfeld.

Dr. Trainer: Of the four drugs that work, three have to be taken daily. Quiniam is once a week. Easier to make sure soldiers take it.
Novak: When they're not killing themselves.

Novak: [to Dr. Trainer] Do you believe Quinium to be a safe drug?
Dr. Trainer: Ms. Novak, what we have not discussed is the fact that malaria is a highly deadly disease. It kills over two million people worldwide every year. Every twelve seconds a child dies from malaria.
Novak: That's very sad, Dr. Trainer. You didn't even attempt to answer my question.

Novak: [to Dr. Trainer] We had a shot at changing things, making them listen, making them stop. I don’t understand why you didn’t come to me, I could have helped you. And when the truth came out, they never could have touched you.
Dr. Trainer: Ms. Novak, you are very young, and that is not the way the world works.

Season 7[edit]

911 [7.3][edit]

Benson: [about Maria] Nobody would invent the nightmare that she has been through! Why are you trying to poke holes in her story rather than trying to find her, because Munch found some spook toy?!
Captain Cragen: Whoever's doing this likes spook toys. He's already using at least one device.

[Fin approaches Munch and Benson looking at incriminating photos of Maria]
Munch: Detective Tutuola, come and pollute your soul with some child porn, my friend.

Raw [7.6][edit]

Judge Schuyler: Now, before we begin, let's just make sure that everyone is familiar with the rules of my courtroom. I have a zero-tolerance policy for shenanigans. I appreciate that emotions are running high. But you must control them if you wish to remain. That means no outbursts, and no foul language. Capisce, Mr. Redding?
Brannon: Yes, your honor.
Judge Schuyler: I understand you wanna change the plea you made at arraignment?
Brannon: Yeah. I wanna plead guilty.
Judge Schuyler: Please stand.
[Brannon and Horowitz stand up]
Judge Schuyler: You may now allocute.
[Brannon is silent]
Judge Schuyler: Describe your crime for the court.
Brannon: Uh,... I shot the 2 Jew kids and the porch monkey.
Woman in gallery: May you burn in Hell, you racist pig!
Judge Schuyler: [bangs gavel] Order! Madam, sit down, or I'll have you removed! And as for you, Mr. Redding, I'm rejecting your plea offer.
Horowitz: But, your honor, there's a deal in place.
Judge Schuyler: My courtroom, my decision, Mr. Horowitz. And I find this deal reprehensible. [to the ADA] You should be ashamed of yourself for agreeing to it, Miss Novak.
Novak: I apologize.
Judge Schuyler: A blatant hate crime, countless children traumatized, 2 of them maimed, and one precious young life snuffed out.

Judge Schuyler: [to Brannon] If you should choose to go to trial, and are found guilty, I will show no leniency. Your parole officer's parents haven't even been born yet.
Brannon: No. No way in Hell. I want the deal I was promised!
Judge Schuyler: Court officers, remove the prisoner.
Brannon: [as he is escorted out by the court officers] Yeah, screw you, old man! RA-HO-WA! RA-HO-WA! RA-HO-WA!
Judge Schuyler: [bangs gavel] Order!
Star: Have you been brainwashed by the Jew-controlled media?
Judge Schuyler: Silence!
Star: Or are you just another corrupt lackey of the Zionist-occupied government?
Judge Schuyler: All right. Remove that woman.
Star: White power.
Judge Schuyler: The fine for contempt of my court is $500, young lady.
Star: [as the court officers take her away] What are you gonna do?! You gonna criminalize the First Amendment?!
Judge Schuyler: You've just made it $1,000. Court officers, lock her up.
Star: Free the political prisoner!
Judge Schuyler: That's 1,500!
Star: Keep countin', Mr. Judge!

Starved [7.9][edit]

[D.A. Arthur Branch looks at Novak's story in the papers]
Branch: What the hell were you thinking?
Novak: Cora's mom went to the papers. How's that my fault?
Branch: You gave her the bologna, and she made the sandwich! Says so on page 3. You told her to shout her story to the rooftops.
Novak: She's frustrated, and she's voiceless. And the law can't help her.
Branch: Which is the reason you have no business involving yourself in this mess.
Novak: We speak for the victims. And you taught me that.
Branch: Crime victims. Nobody's committing a crime here.
Novak: Mike Jergens did! So should a rapist who's been her husband for a week get to pull the plug on Cora?
Branch: She married him.
Novak: He conned her! He doesn't know what Cora really wants.
Branch: And you do?
Novak: Her mother does.
Branch: Based on what? Letters? Diaries? A memorable conversation? A living will?
Novak: Based on the mother knowing her child.
Branch: That's not enough.
Novak: There's a difference between law and justice.
Branch: Casey, I agree. But this is not your fight.

[Novak turns on the TV, which shows NY1 coverage of a picket in front of the courthouse]
Branch: "Protect the disabled". Looks like there's no stoppin' mama now.
[on NY1, Virginia speaks to the press]
Virginia: This rapist is trying to kill Cora. Do not let him do it. Please. I know my daughter. I know she wants to live. Help me fight back. This is legalized murder. Please! Help me send a message to the judge, to protect the disabled.
[Novak mutes the TV]
Branch: Don't let a tragedy turn into a circus. Convince Mrs. Kennison that the case oughta be tried in a court of law. Not in a court of public opinion.

Storm [7.10][edit]

[the detectives return to the squad room, only to find that all the evidence is gone]
Stabler: What the hell?
Benson: Everything's gone.
Stabler: The whole de-con routine was a scam.
Munch: Why, Santa? Why?

Captain Cragen: [to Benson, after his talk with the chief] I don't like bein' bossed around by some G-man in a $1,000 suit.

Alien [7.11][edit]

[An investigation into the near-fatal beating of a 12-year old boy uncovers a suspect whose trial becomes about the rights of same-sex parents.]

Small girl: One time, this big boy, he pushed Sean. He fell down.
Fin: What was the big boy's name?
Girl: I don't know. But he's bad. I saw him smoking.

Boy: Just because I'm a recess monitor, doesn't mean I'm a narc.

Stabler: What'd you do, Charlie?
Charlie: He made fun of me. He said the reason my girlfriend won't have sex with me is that she's afraid I'll squash her.

Captain Cragen: You gonna bring him in?
Benson: We're waiting for the crime scene report before we take another crack at him.
[Munch approaches with a file.]
Munch: Ask and ye shall receive, unless, of course, you're Jewish.
[the captain takes the file]
Captain Cragen: I'm not.

CSU: I checked out the security cameras at Marty's Deli across from the school.
Fin: What were you doing at Marty's?
CSU: They got pixie sticks.

CSU: [Displays bagged scissors] Found these in the school dumpster.
Fin: She means I found them under the tuna casserole. All she did is stand and point.

Headmistress: When Emma's mother enrolled her at St. Victor's, she told us she was a single parent. She hid the fact that Emma has another parent. A woman.
Stabler: Emma's mom is gay.
Benson: So what's the big deal? Same sex couples raise children all the time.
Headmistress: Yes, but they don't usually lie about being gay and enroll their children in conservative Catholic schools.

Headmistress: How do you teach catechism with Emma in the classroom? "Homosexuality is a sin, kids, but oh, that's okay, Emma. Your moms are good people otherwise.

Stabler: In the six months since Zoe and Kate took St. Victor's to court, the whole family's been harassed. They've even changed their phone numbers twice.
Fin: Didn't do any good. Broken windows, graffiti on the doors. Zoe's filed six reports. Nobody's ever been charged.
Munch: Since when did New York become a red state?

Fin: But Zoe wanted to make a point. Take the school to court. Win one for the cause.
Munch: Someone's got to fight the fight.
Fin: It shouldn't be an eight year old.

Stabler: She's still Emma's guardian while Kate's in the hospital.
Lawyer: De facto guardian, yes. But the state doesn't afford her the right to make decisions for Emma. She's no more her parent or guardian than a babysitter would be.
Benson: You've raised Emma ever since she was born. How can you say that you're nothing more than a babysitter?
Zoe: I should have legal rights over Emma. But I don't. So why should I claim them now when it would only hurt her?
Lawyer: Confession's out. You want to talk to Emma again, go through me.

Novak: How'd it go?
Benson: Great. I love putting 8-year olds in lockup overnight.

Infected [7.12][edit]

[When the accused killer of a teen's mother is released due to lack of evidence, the youth exacts his own justice by killing the man.]

DJ: Man, I ain't carrying, all right? And you can search me.
Munch: (Opens a front-loading washing machine and finds dozens of packets of crystal meth) Look at what I found.
Fin: Oughtta be worth a couple of grand.
DJ: Can't pin that on me.
Fin: Yeah, but I might be able to pin a murder on you, DJ.
DJ: What?
Fin: The rape and murder of Monica Phelps.
DJ: No no no. I did not murder her.
Munch: (Studies bottles of detergent on top of the machine) So what should I use? Lemony goodness, or Mount Stream?

DJ: Thought she was working at a hot dog stand. She wouldn't be frying franks if she was dealing. Now wasn't I helpful.
Munch: Very. (turns on the laundry machine)

Carthage: (to underage girl in motel room) Why don't you just take off your clothes, and we'll have ourselves a good time.
Stabler: (bursts into room with a drawn gun) Can we have a good time too?
Fin: (entering) Me too. I bet we can all have a lot of fun.

Granger: He was attempting to have sex with a minor, and you know this because you can read his mind?
Benson: We know this because he paid a minor $2,000 to have sex.

Stabler: Do you know how much you've spent on them, Ted? Have you done the math? Hm? $2 million. $2 million dollars worth of sex?

Carthage: I need to say this. I've been unfaithful. Many times. But I've never paid anyone for sex. They were my girlfriends.
Stabler: Wow. You're a busy guy, huh.
Benson: So all the financial transactions that happened after the sex were completely unrelated.
Carthage: I wanted to help them. I loved them.

Devere: Some of you might think that Nathan Phelps acted out of simple vengeance. Ted Carthage murdered his mother, so he murdered Ted Carthage. That is what the assistant district attorney will argue. She will tell you that anyone who kills out of retaliation should go to jail. I agree with her. But that is not what my client did. Did he hate Ted Carthage? Absolutely. Did he kill him? Yes. So, if not out of retaliation, what made Nathan do it? This is a new study published in Science magazine. It found that people who have witnessed gun violence are twice as likely, sometimes 3 times as likely, to commit an act of violence themselves. Nathan witnessed Ted Carthage shoot his mother. And just as this study predicts, he reacted with violence. This study equates gun violence with an infectious disease. Anyone exposed to it is infected. Now, you may not agree or like this study. Gun manufacturers don't like it, either. It goes against their mantra: "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." But this study points to something that is almost unspeakable in today's gun culture, and that is that the blame for violence can be directly placed on the gun. Once you see someone squeeze the trigger, it's easier to do it yourself. Nathan saw his mother shot to death in front him, and at that moment he contracted the disease. It wasn't his choice, any more than it is your choice to catch a cold after someone has sneezed on you. Violence is the disease. Guns are the virus. And we have an epidemic on our hands.

Novak: Does witnessing a murder justify a murder?
Benson: It doesn't justify it. But it might explain it.

Novak: You gave the jury a reason to acquit.
Benson: I was trying to tell the truth. I'm sorry.

Devere: He's not testifying, period!
Judge Donnelly: Let him.
Devere: And let him incriminate himself?
Judge Donnelly: Exactly
Devere: Are you crazy?
Judge Donnelly: [to Novak] What do you think?
Novak: A jury's been sworn in on a criminal case, a witness has testified. Do you see where this is heading?
Devere: If you screw us over on this-
Novak: Trust me.

[during Nathan's testimony]
Geddes: Why did you kill Ted Carthage?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Didn't he kill your mom?
Nathan: Yeah.
Geddes: So are you lying when you say you don't know?
Nathan: I'm not lying.
Geddes: Was your mom a prostitute?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Did you have a nice apartment when she was alive?
Nathan: It was okay.
Geddes: Was there a lot of crime in the neighborhood?
Nathan: I guess.
Geddes: Did you have a nice life, Nathan?
Nathan: Yes.
Geddes: Doesn't sound like it. How old were you when your dad was stabbed to death?
Nathan: 6.
Geddes: If you could, would you shoot the guy that stabbed your dad, just like you shot Ted Carthage?
Nathan: No.
Geddes: No?! Why not?! He stabbed your father!
Nathan: I don't wanna kill anybody!
Geddes: Sure. You did. You were angry.
Nathan: No!
Geddes: Yeah, Ted Carthage killed your mother. You hated him!
Nathan: Stop it!
Geddes: You didn't kill because you saw the gun! You wanted to hurt him! You hated him, and you wanted him to die!
Nathan: [furiously jumps out of his seat] YES! I HATED HIM! ALL RIGHT?!!

Devere: Your honor, at this time, the defense would move for a mistrial.
Judge Malloy: Ms. Devere, you can't do that. This is a hearing. Not a trial.
Devere: My apologies, Judge Malloy. That motion wasn't made to you. I'm speaking to Judge Donnelly. Nathan Phelps was compelled to incriminate himself in these proceedings. The testimony is admissible in his criminal trial and violates his right against self-incrimination. It's grounds for a mistrial.
Judge Donnelly: Motion granted. The criminal case against Nathan Phelps is dismissed with prejudice.
Geddes: What?!
Novak: In that event, Judge Malloy, I move to dismiss this proceeding. Now that there is no case against Nathan Phelps, there is no reason to investigate this research.
Geddes: Your honor, this is a setup, perpetrated by the DA's office.
Judge Malloy: Mr. Geddes, I'd agree with you, except you're the one who called Mr. Phelps to the stand. This action is dismissed. Court is adjourned.

Geddes: Killer got a foster family. That's nice.
Novak: You're a jerk, Geddes.
Geddes: Yeah, and you got a murderer off.
Novak: Nathan Phelps would be serving the sentence I had already negotiated had you not gotten involved. So why don't we put the blame where it really belongs? On your bosses?

Blast [7.13][edit]

[When an 8-year-old girl is kidnapped on her way home from school, DNA tests on the blood found in the abductor's abandoned van reveal she has leukemia.]

Stabler: "Password protected."
Morales: My 6-year old could hack this.

Stabler: No way. You're not doing this.
Dr. Warner: I can take care of myself.
Stabler: No offense, but med school doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this.
Dr. Warner: The Air Force did. They paid for medical school. I did two tours at Ramstien during Desert Storm. I know how to handle myself around men with guns.

Dr. Warner: Give me a gun.

Danny: No. Everybody stays. They're my ticket out of here.
Stabler: You don't need them. You've got me. I'm a cop. So's every guy out there. They're not going to risk my life. As long as you're with me, you're safe.

Dr. Warner: He's my patient, Elliott. I'm not leaving without him.

Stabler: You okay?
Dr. Warner: Yeah. I got to pick up my daughter from school.

Taboo [7.14][edit]

Captain Cragen: This nutcase is a serial baby killer.

Stabler: You look just like him.
Ella: Who?
Stabler: [shows pictures of the baby] Your son.
Ella: I don't have a son.
Stabler: Carried him 9 months. You didn't want him. You had legal options. You have a problem with abortion? That's your choice. I understand that. There's adoption. [Ella shakes her head] You chose to give birth!
Ella: You have the wrong person.
Stabler: You chose to walk 6 blocks with him, right past a firehouse! A hospital where, under safe haven laws, you could've just left him anonymously!
Ella: Why are you yelling at me?
Stabler: Because you tossed him in the trash like the garbage you are!! All those choices... How is that even an option?!

[during Ella's arraignment]
Judge Preston: How do you plead?
Ella: Not guilty.
Judge Preston: I'll hear the People on bail.
Novak: Well, a million has a nice ring to it.
Berger: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Novak: The defendant is a flight risk.
Berger: To where? Jersey? She's a U.S. citizen.
Novak: Given the severity of her crimes, and the fact that she killed a baby once before...
Berger: My client was never charged with that crime. In fact, there was no crime. That fetus was stillborn.
Judge Preston: Mr. Berger!
Berger: Your honor, this poor girl lost a child. How dare the People twist that tragic incident to suit their own needs.
Novak: You have got to be kidding.
Berger: No! You are. My client doesn't have as much as a parking ticket!
Novak: I'm sure if she did, she'd just throw it in the trash along with her babies.
Judge Preston: Oh, all right. That's enough out of both of you. As I believe the defendant is not a threat to anyone but her own offspring, the court is requesting that in exchange for a lower bail amount, she does not get pregnant again before trial.
Berger: That's unconstitutional!
Judge Preston: I'm not ordering that she be sterilized, Mr. Berger. [to Ella] But if you do become pregnant again, young lady, you will be found in contempt of this court, and bail will be rescinded.
Berger: Your honor has no right to legislate procreation.
Judge Preston: You think you could manage to comply with that order, Miss Christensen?
Ella: I don't know.
Judge Preston: Bail is set at 2,000,000, cash or bond. 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

Berger: Are you familiar with Kendall's study of postpartum women, which showed: "Psychiatric hospital admissions increase 7 times in the first 3 postpartum months compared to pre-pregnancy, and represent the peak prevalence for psychiatric disorders for women."?
Dr. Huang: I'm aware of the biologically vulnerable state of women following childbirth.
Berger: So, their brain chemistry can be altered. Their hormones go crazy. Uh, sorry. I'm gonna anticipate an objection to that one. Lemme rephrase. [pauses] Their hormones... go kooky.

Manipulated [7.15][edit]

[After a woman's body is found, Benson and Stabler delve into her private life and finally learn that in addition to being a respected lawyer, she was also a stripper.]

Fin: Hey, Tim. I hear you got a great wiener.

Stabler: A man's DNA doesn't just pop up inside a woman without his participation.

Benson: What do PMCs do?
Munch: Profit from the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fin: Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again.

Munch: I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.
Dr. Warner: And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.

Gone [7.16][edit]

[Donnelly finds Novak in a restaurant having a drink]
Judge Donnelly: I'd prefer shrimp cocktail for an appetizer.
Novak: This is the entree.
Judge Donnelly: [takes a seat next to her; to the waiter] Club soda, lime. [to Novak] That liquid lunch isn't going to change what happened.
Novak: Yeah, but it'll help me forget.
Judge Donnelly: You played the hand you were dealt.
Novak: I had to look Jennifer Durning's parents in the eye and tell them that their daughter would never get justice, because I let Nick Pratt and Doug Waverly get away with murder.
Judge Donnelly: Well, that wasn't your fault. But it will be if you let them get away with another one and don't try to stop it.
Novak: We haven't found Jennifer, so what makes you think Jason's gonna be any different?
Judge Donnelly: Because whoever planted that bug in my office knows what happened to him. And you are going to find that person if you have to interrogate everyone who works in that courthouse. Trial's over, Casey. Put the gloves on for round 2.

Stabler: [after arresting Nick and Doug for Jason's murder] You like sea bass? You'll just love what we pulled out of the river.

Fault [7.19][edit]

Dr. Warner: [about Stabler] Sometimes all that brooding intensity is just annoying.

Stabler: If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it... I know you would have taken that shot, Olivia.
Benson: No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?
Stabler: I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head.
Benson: What about me?
Stabler: Look, we both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise... we can't be partners.
Benson: I can't believe you're saying that.
Stabler: Look, you and this job are about the only things that I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it.

Captain Cragen: Olivia, what's up?
Benson: I want a new partner.

Fat [7.20][edit]

Blaine: Pervert. What, you get turned on by little children?
Hamzid: What are you saying?
Blaine: I'm sayin' the little whore came in here and stole your tobacco license, so you wanted to pay her back.
Hamzid: Okay! She got me angry. She called me names. She laugh at me. But I swear, I didn't touch her!
Stabler: Blaine.
Blaine: So, that's why you took her outside and hit her over the head?!
Stabler: Blaine!
Blaine: WHAT?!
Stabler: Nice shoes. Are those Quattros?
[Blaine looks down at Hamzid's shoes]

Blaine: No wonder your partner dumped you.
Stabler: What'd you just say to me?
Blaine: You screwed her, and now you're tryin' to screw me. [Stabler punches him, and both detectives get into a fight] GET OFF ME!!
[Fin and Cragen approach and try to break up the fight]
Fin: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! C'mon, guys! Easy! Easy!
Blaine: [released from Stabler's grasp] Get off me! Get off me!!
Captain Cragen: THAT'S ENOUGH!!! Blaine, my office. Now! [to his other detectives] Everybody, back to work! Fun's over! [walks up to Stabler] What've you got to say, Elliot?
Stabler: Either you get rid of him, or I quit!
Captain Cragen: You get changed, and get in my office.

[Rudi comes across Tommy and Granger, who are about to leave the squad room]
Rudi: Hey! Hey! You! Hey, I'm talkin' to you. 'Member me? [points his gun at Tommy]
Granger: He's got a gun!!
[Rudi pulls the trigger, shooting Tommy; Tommy hits the ground; Stabler and Blaine, guns on hand, approach the scene]
Stabler: Drop it! Drop it!!
[Stabler grabs Rudi's gun as Blaine heads for Tommy's lifeless body]
Blaine: Somebody call a bus!!
Rudi: Did-- Did I kill him?

Season 8[edit]

Informed [8.1][edit]

Agent Lewis: Domestic terror charge is gonna put you under 40 years to life, Mitchell.
Benson: It'd be in your best interests to tell us where Haley is.
Mitchell: I don't have a clue!
Benson: He's not very bright.
Agent Lewis: Nope. Obviously not. Dum-dum tried to put dynamite in a freezer.
Benson: You put a cop in the hospital, Mitchell.
Agent Lewis: Do you have any idea how bad it is for you, Mitchell?!!
Mitchell: Do you?! You can't keep raping the Earth! This little campfire is nothing compared to what's coming!
Agent Lewis: What's comin', Mitchell?
Benson: What's comin'? We're listening.
Mitchell: Don't worry. You won't be able to miss it. It's gonna light up the sky.

Cage [8.8][edit]

[After a van plows into the river with children aboard, Beck and Stabler find themselves investigating a controversial therapy called rebirthing for out-of-control children.]

[Stabler approaches a van being hoisted out of the river.]
Stabler: John. What've we got?
Munch: Van tried to take a shortcut to Brooklyn. The river got in the way.

Fin: Van was registered to Frank Hovis of Albany. Unmarried, no kids, couple pops for assault.
[Captain Cragen looks at a photograph of the women's shoe recovered at the scene.]
Captain Cragen: Anything on Cinderella?
Fin: Nah. Maybe Frank's a tranny.
[Munch arrives with a tollbooth photo of the van's occupants, a balding male driver and a woman in the passenger seat.]
Munch: Cinderella's definitely a woman. Frank needs to join the Hair Club for Men.

Captain Cragen: Dani doing okay?
Stabler: Yeah.
Captain Cragen: See a future for her here in SVU?
Stabler: Sure.
Captain Cragen: Don't want your old partner back.
Stabler: Since when was that up to me?

Mrs. Hovis: I haven't seen Frank in years.
Munch: We think he may have been in an accident, Mrs. Hovis.
Mrs. Hovis: Well, excuse me if I don't bust out weeping. The only time I hear about that deadbeat is when you cops come looking for him.
Munch: Mind if we check around?
Mrs. Hovis: Yes I do. I'm a respectable woman, I live alone, and I don't want the neighbors talking.
[Fin comes around the corner of the house, holding a pair of men's pants.]
Fin: They already are. Found these on your clothesline. Where'd they come from?
Mrs. Hovis: How should I know? Must've fallen out of a plane on the way into Kennedy.
Munch: I think I hear someone inside.
Fin: Don't worry, ma'am. We'll protect you.
[Munch and Fin push their way past Mrs. Hovis into the house.]
Mrs. Hovis: Hey!

[Fin pushes open the broom closet door and finds Frank in his underwear, crouching inside.]
Fin: Frank, that's pathetic.
Mrs. Hovis: [Acting astonished.] How'd he get in there?

[Stabler is stabbed in the chest with a pen.]
Beck: You gonna faint on me?

Beck: I couldn't have stayed so calm.
Stabler: Yeah you could. You know the right thing to do.
Beck: Just because you know what's right doesn't mean you do it.

Kathleen: Are you serious, dad? A kid stabbed you?
Kathy: Your father probably yelled at him.
Kathleen: Yeah, for not doing his homework.

[In the hospital, after Eden sets fire to Beck's apartment.]
Beck: Why'd you do it?
Eden: So you'd never leave me.
Beck: You could have killed us both.
Eden: Then we'd be together.

[Stabler finds Beck distraught outside Eden's hospital room.]
Stabler: Dani. This is not your fault.
Beck: I can't do this.
Stabler: Why?
Beck: I fix things. It's who I am. But I can't fix that little girl.
Stabler: That's not what we do.
Beck: But I wanted to. And I thought I could.

Beck: How do you keep doing this job?
Stabler: Because I have to.
Beck: Why? We don't make a difference.
Stabler: Dani, you can do this.
Beck: Are you asking me to stay?
[Stabler hesitates.]
Stabler: Dani, I can't. You've got to be here for yourself, not for me.
Beck: Yeah. [Beck looks through the window at Eden.] Bye, Elliott.
[Beck walks away.]

Choreographed [8.9][edit]

Stabler: I'd give you a kidney.
Benson: Not if I gave you mine first.

Scheherazade [8.10][edit]

[Stabler agrees to hear the dying confession of a cancer patient, but first he and Benson do some digging into what possible crime Tierney's guilty of and come up with an unsolved case that goes back 47 years.]

Benson: It's never too late to help a victim.

Benson: What kind of father molests his daughter and then every year, sends her a birthday card to remind her?
Tierney: I don't know what your dad did to you, sweetie, but you need professional help.

Stabler: Eternal damnation is not a police matter.

Stabler: [To Huang] All you shrinks talk about is closure.

Dr. Huang: You can't rush Scheherazade.

[After Stabler tells Mrs. Colino that they found her husband's body, shot in 1971.]
Mrs. Colino: [To poker partners] Girls! I'm a widow!
Old woman: Congratulations. You want in this hand?

Stabler: Well, for once, Catholic guilt's a good thing.
Munch: I thought we Jews had a corner on that market.

Outsider [8.12][edit]

[Fin teams up with a Brooklyn SVU Detective Lake when he's called on to investigate a rape at his son Ken's college.]

[After a rape victim that Ken brought in runs away.]
Ken: I blew it.
Fin: Fix it.

[Fin walks into an Edgar Allen Poe restaurant where the waiters are dressed in outlandish costumes.]
Waiter 1: We're a themed restaurant, sir.
Waiter 2: We dress up as Edgar Allen Poe characters. I'm the raven.
Waiter 1: And I'm the telltale heart!
Fin: [Flashes badge] And I'm the cop.

[Fin and Lake approach the dockyard to find Henry]
Fin: Any ships left yet today?
Foreman: [about a ship] No, she's the first one out.
Lake: Stop the lines.
Foreman: You nuts?! Why? [Lake flashes his badge] [over radio] Stop the lines.

[after Fin and Lake have arrested Henry]
Henry: Now, will there be a trial?
Lake: Count on it.
Henry: Televised?
Fin: You bet.
Henry: Look! Look. [the three look ahead; squad cars and the press approach] They're already here. Just for me.
Fin: Now you're really gonna be famous.

Loophole [8.13][edit]

[An anonymous tip and photographs that look like child porn leads the SVU to something utterly unexpected when Olivia goes down to a poisonous gas being experimented on tenement residents by their landlord.]

Passerby: Yo. What're you doin'?
Fin: Given' the little boy a donut.
Passerby: Why you wanna give the kid a donut?
Fin: Why you have a problem with us giving him a donut?
[Benson flashes her badge.]
Passerby: Oh. All right. Cop's best friend.

Benson: When was the most recent burglary?
Passerby: I don't know, like, the night before last. How come you guys don't know that?
Fin: We too busy eatin'.

[Discussing a speculation that a robber who broke into an apartment found what appears to be kiddie porn and forwarded it anonymously to the police]
Fin: Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartment, doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.

[When Munch arrives late to a briefing and chimes in with information.]
Fin: Oh. You're late 'cuz you were doing something useful.

[When a suspect in interrogation starts using Q-tips on his ears.]
Fin: You gotta do that in front of us?
Suspect: I got a Cerumen problem.
Fin: You gonna have a face problem if you don't stop, and what the hell is cerumen?
Munch: Earwax.
Suspect: See, he knows.

Fin: On the fifth floor you heard somebody bust into an apartment through five slabs of concrete with a cerumen problem.
Suspect: I must've been having a good ear day.

Captain Cragen: Where did you find this Looney Tune?

Fin: Look, we don't speak your dialect of crazy, okay?

Benson: I don't need to go to the hospital Captain.
Fin: Captain HAZMAT is ready to move in.
Captain Cragen: Take her. Restrain her if you have to.

[Regarding Munch]
Fin: Leave it to the prince of paranoia to take it up a notch.

Dr. Warner: No. This time, Munch isn't crazy.

Novak: You are thinking like a victim, 'Liv. if you were thinking like a cop, you'd realize that it's not that simple.

[Stabler wanders into the squad room late at night and finds Benson there.]
Stabler: I thought the joint would be empty.
Benson: I thought the doctors said you had to be on house arrest for two weeks.
Stabler: I can't stay away.
Benson: It's almost midnight.
Stabler: I didn't want Cragen to see me.
Benson: Yeah. I know the feeling.

Benson: It's easy to be passionate when you're one of the victims.

Stabler: What do you tell victims? Get help. The problem is you're not following your own advice right now.

Stabler: It means sometimes the only way to beat someone at a dirty fight, is to get right down into the gutter with them.

[Morales attempts to hack into a corporate wireless network; he and Benson dodge security, looking for a signal. They enter the men's bathroom.]
Morales: I'm in.
Benson: It had to be in the men's room.
Morales: Well, I have a signal and nobody can see us.

Dependent [8.14][edit]

[after Charlotte's attempted suicide has led her to the hospital]
Stabler: Mr. Truex?
Sidney: What'd you do to my daughter? Hm? She gonna be okay?
Benson: She's sleeping. The doctor says she's gonna be fine.
Sidney: Oh, fine. Sure. Sure. She's lucky you didn't kill her.
Stabler: We didn't slit her wrist.
Sidney: No. But you interrogated her WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT!! You told her she did it! You made her suicidal with your accusations and innuendo!
Benson: No. The drugs that she was on made her depressed, and her own guilt made her suicidal.
Sidney: She's innocent, detective.
Benson: Well, you know that's not true, since you're the one who saw her at the house.
Sidney: I had a head injury. I dunno who I saw. And stay away from Charlotte. As soon as she's discharged, I'm takin' her home.
Stabler: She's going to Rikers.
Sidney: Over my dead body!

Season 9[edit]

Alternate [9.1][edit]

[The SVU squad deals with unexpected changes, while Benson and Stabler investigate a case of child abuse involving a woman with Multiple Personality Disorder.]
Benson: What's going on?
Captain Cragen: I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.
Benson: Why?
Captain Cragen: You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered 2 people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.
Benson: But we're the ones who screwed up.
Captain Cragen: On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".
Benson: That's insane!
Stabler: You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.
Munch: I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.
Fin: You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?
Munch: I took it last year on a bar bet.
Captain Cragen: [hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.
Lake: It was an honor serving under you, sir.
Captain Cragen: I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.
Stabler: We'll get you back, Captain.
Captain Cragen: Try and behave yourselves.

Munch: I knew there was something hinky about her. It was so obvious.
Fin: Did superpowers come with that promotion?

Lake: [to Fin] I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn, but you guys are cuckoo magnets.

Avatar [9.2][edit]

Eric: I'm about to seriously freak out five million people.

Savant [9.4][edit]

[Detectives attempt to solve the horrible beating of a woman, the only witness to which is her mentally impaired daughter, who has Williams Syndrome.]
Katie: I'm Katie.
Munch: Sergeant Munch.
Katie: Munch. That's funny. Can I have a hug, Munch?
Munch: No, you may not. I'm a stranger. You shouldn't even be talking to me.
Katie: Okay. Bye.
[she walks up to Fin's desk]
Fin: Somethin' I could do for you?
Katie: Are you mad at me?
Fin: Didn't Sergeant Munch just tell you not to talk to strangers?
[Katie nods; Fin winks at her and signals her to leave him]

[After interviewing a group therapy group for parents of neuro-atypical children]
Benson: How's Kathy?
Stabler: Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
Benson: So why don't you see a doctor?
Stabler: We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.

Woman in clinic: [To Fin and Lake] Has the doctor told you if it's a boy or a girl?
Fin: Excuse me?
Woman: It's so hard for gay couples to adopt. A surrogate's really your only option. [Fin and Lake look at each other.] I don't get why they think that it's better to keep kids in the system than to send them into a gay home. You seem like a nice couple to me.
[Lake grins broadly and puts his hand on Fin's thigh. Fin looks incredulous.]

Stabler: And now we can't touch him?
Captain Cragen: The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

Porter: You'll force me to make a formal complaint.
Fin: Where you shove that is up to you.

Novak: What would I be up against using Katie as a witness?
Munch: Anxiety, ADD, and they have trouble taking criticism.
Fin: That sounds like you, Munch.

Nicholson: [Opens his door to find Novak, Stabler, and Fin standing outside] Get the hell away from my door. You've got people thinking I tried to kill my wife.
Stabler: We need to speak to your daughter.
Nicholson: No, you will not speak to her. Not now, not ever. You've got her anxious and upset now leave her alone. [Tries to close door]
Novak: [Blocks the door] I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Here's how this is going to play out. Now we will end up at a hearing and the judge will side with me, because you cannot stop us from questioning the only witness to the attack.
Nicholson: I'm her father.
Novak: And your also a suspect Mr. Nicholson. It's about time you faced facts.

Novak: The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Stabler: Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?
Porter: You're a bastard.
Stabler: I get that a lot.

[Novak is attempting to prove that Katie can sworn-in at a trial]
Novak: Your honor I submit that this witness can be sworn.
Judge Petrovsky: So ordered. [bangs gavel]
Katie: [puts her hands over her ears in pain] Don't do that!
Novak: She has very sensitive hearing.
Judge Petrovsky: I... I'm sorry.
Katie: That's okay. Can I have a hug?
Judge Petrovsky: [awkwardly] No. Maybe later.

Svengali [9.06][edit]

Benson: You mutilated women.
Morten: There's beauty in everyone. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find it.

Novak: Well, you were great.
Morten: Did you like it? Bet you didn't know what was gonna happen next.
Novak: You put on quite a show. You got her off, she's going to a psych ward.
Morten: Is that a frown on your pretty face?
Novak: Actually, I think Cecilia is going exactly where she belongs. So are you.
Morten: [snorts] You're backing out on the deal.
Novak: No, you're being transferred to a federal prison.
Morten: I thought you'd be a sore loser.
Novak: You're gonna love Florence Super Max. 23-hour lockdown, no visitors, no mail, no phone calls. No human contact for the rest of your life.
Morten: You can't do that to me!
Novak: Why don't you wave bye to all of your fans?
Morten: We made a deal!
Novak: And it's a masterpiece. How do you like my work?

Blinded [9.7][edit]

Stabler: You know, I'm gonna have a child in a month. That's scary enough. But the thought that I was never gonna be able to see that child, that terrified me. Saul Picard? Bring him on.

Saul: I don't deserve to live. Don't you understand? If the state thinks that killin' me will stop one pervert from doing what I did to those poor little girls, then it's worth it. Please. Let me go home to die.

McCoy: Congratulations.
Novak: For what?
McCoy: The excellent job you did as Saul Picard's defense attorney. Judge Bradley called me.
Novak: Jack, I...
McCoy: I told him he must be mistaken, since I only have prosecutors working in this office. At least I thought I did. Until I got this. [hands Novak a notice]
Novak: Who gave this to you?
McCoy: What matters is what's in it. 5 years ago, the cops responded to a disturbance call in your apartment. You told the officers it was a mistake, but it isn't true, is it?
Novak: My fiancee Charlie, he attacked me. He was a schizophrenic, and he was off his medication. When the police saw the cuts and bruises on my face and neck, they wanted to arrest Charlie. But I thought I could help him. So, I identified myself as an ADA, and I begged them not to take him in.
McCoy: You abused the authority of this office for personal reasons back then, just like you're doing now!
Novak: Sick people like Saul Picard shouldn't be put to death!
McCoy: The last time I checked, the Supreme Court still says you can't execute a mentally ill person in this country.
Novak: And what if a jury found him responsible, because he was lucid when he decided to stop taking his medication?
McCoy: That's not your problem. That's why he has a defense attorney.
Novak: No defense attorney could make a jury see past what he did to those little girls.
McCoy: So you weren't about to take a chance he'd be convicted?
Novak: Because he belongs in a hospital, not a prison cell, and you know it.
McCoy: I'll tell you what I know. You're going to stay on this case through the 730 hearing, and you're going to behave yourself, because if you don't, I'm not only going to fire you. I'll make sure the bar yanks your license. And if you don't think I have the juice to do it, try me.

Fight [9.8][edit]

[Investigation of a teenage girl's brutal death sends detectives into the testosterone-filled world of cage fighting]
Fin: [Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.
Lake: Bet your ass it is.
Captain Cragen: [reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."
Fin: What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?

Fin: Kona woulda beat yo' ass.
Lake: I would've held my own ... for a couple of rounds.
Fin: I would've liked to see that. Don't expect me to cry at your funeral.

Fin: [studying a Confederate flag on a frat house's wall.] 'sup with that flag?
Frat boy: KDA was founded by a direct descendant of Jefferson Davis. We're very proud of our heritage.
Fin: You know you lost the war.

Clerk: Docket ending 2500. People v. Jadon Odami.
Judge Cohen: On the charge of murder in the second degree, how do you plead?
Woodrow: Not guilty, your honor.
Jadon: That's not what I told you to say.
Woodrow: You were coerced during interrogation.
Novak: Your honor, there was no coercion. The defendant freely confessed.
Woodrow: Really? What, his mother just happened to pop in during the middle of his interview?
Jadon: Your honor, I killed Julie Donovan. I plead guilty.
Judge Cohen: Listen to your attorney, son.
Jadon: [turns to his attorney] You fired. [unamused, Woodrow shakes his head and leaves the courtroom] Okay. He's not my lawyer now.

Snitch [9.10][edit]

Danielson: Please tell the jury what happened.
Chuckwei: I was walking home from work on 168th Street when I saw a man beat a boy with a metal pipe.
Danielson: [shows a photo of the victim] This is the victim, Damon Moore. Is he the boy you saw?
Chuckwei: Yes.
Danielson: And the man who beat him to death, is he in this courtroom?
[in a moment of silence, Chuckwei stares at King, who stares back; afterwards, Chuckwei points at him]
Chuckwei: That is the man. There.
King: He's a liar. The cops are makin' him lie!
Brayden: Dennis, shut up!
Chuckwei: No! NO! [jumps out of his seat] You murdered that boy in front of a crowd of people! And in front of GOD!!
King: [storms out of his seat, topples the table, and charges at Chuckwei] You're a dead man! You're a dead man! Ya hear me?!
[Stabler grabs King and pins him to the ground]
Judge: Order! ORDER! Get the jury out of here! Court officers!
[the court officers grab King]
King: Get 'em off! Get off me! [to Chuckwei] You're dead! Your family's dead! Everything you love is dead! You're dead!
Judge: Take the defendant to lockup!
[Benson and Stabler walk up to Chuckwei]
Benson: Are you okay?
Chuckwei: Yes. I'm no longer afraid.

Streetwise [9.11][edit]

[The rape and murder of a wealthy teen seems to point detectives to a gang of street kids.]
Lake: The earring was hawked by Sunshine Smith, who lives at 6789 Peekaboo Lane. That's a fairy tale, friend.
Pawn shop owner: Now that you read it back to me, it does sound a tad bit suspicious.

[Reviewing pawnshop tape]
Lake: Man, you know it's illegal for underage kids to pawn.
Pawn shop owner: Hey, guy gotta eat.
Fin: You need to go on a diet.

[As Stabler handcuffs Cole]
Cole: You're gonna break my wrists!
Stabler: I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.

Signature [9.12][edit]

[Benson works with FBI profiling agent Lauren Cooper when a dead man and woman are found in central park due to an anonymous tip. The woman is though to have been killed by a serial killer called 'the woodsman'.]
Agent Cooper: I don't think we need to hear anymore.
Dr. Warner: I speak for the dead and I'm not done.

Agent Cooper:[about woman's body] At least he didn't chop her up into little pieces. At least he let her keep her head.

Benson: Are you Lavender?
Club Owner: Its La-Vonder, do I look like a damn flower to you?

Benson:[to Cooper] Are you okay?
Cooper:[crying] No. I said I wasn't used to dealing with victims.

[Benson is preparing to interrogate Cooper]
Cooper: You must get a lot of confessions in here. Can't wait to unburden the soul, confirm your deepest suspicions. They want absolution. They want to be able to sleep at night.
Benson: Can you sleep at night, Lauren?
Cooper: I sleep. Just. Fine.

Lake: [to himself] I'm gonna blow your freakin' brains out.
CSU Tech: [Overhearing] You better not be talkin' to me.

Benson: Just how close were you two?
Cooper: He was like a father to me!
Benson: Is that what they're calling it these days?

Cragen: (about Agent Cooper) She executed Mr. Moore
Chief Muldrew: You mean the serial killer.

Novak: It doesn't matter what he did, Larry Moore was murdered. That is a Class-A fellony.
Lydia: I presume you live on Planet Earth. Where're you going to find a jury pool that doesn't think the guy deserves to die?
Novak: That has no baring on the law.
Lydia: Explain that to John Q. Public. There'll be months of media spinning. Trotting out the murdered womans family members in support of a rogue FBI agent.
Novak: Agent Cooper stalked and shot a man in Central Park and you want to give her a pass?
Lydia: This office is not going to let you spend two million dollars, on a case you can't win.

Cooper: [As Lake and Benson arrive to arrest her] Proud of yourself?
Benson: I would have been proud to help you collar the bastard who murdered twenty-four women. That would have satisfied me.
Cooper: That wasn't good enough.
Benson: [Quickly takes away Cooper's gun] Why not?
Cooper: You know why. How many dead babies have you stood over? How many rape victims? You can't tell me you never wanted to put your gun under the bastard's chin who raped a two-year old.
Benson: [pause] I have too much to lose.
Cooper: I don't.

[Benson begs Cooper to make a deal and mitigate her sentence]
Benson: Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out.
Cooper: No.
Benson: Why the hell not?
Cooper: Because those who fight monsters better make damn sure they don't become them. [pulls out her gun]
Lake: GUN!!
[Cooper shoots herself]

Unorthodox [9.13][edit]

[A 12-year old Jewish boy is sexually assaulted, and the search for his rapist leads Benson and Stabler into the Hassidic community.]
Stabler: You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.
Novak: You want me to send Jack to Family Court.
Stabler: I want to do what's right, Casey.
Novak: Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.

Munch: You can tell the Grand Rebbe he can kiss my tuchus. My Yiddish is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure they just told our friend here to keep us away from the synagogue.

Inconceivable [9.14][edit]

Clerk: Docket ending 25801. People vs. James and Victoria Grall. One count assault in the second degree, one count grand larceny, one count burglary.
Judge Petrovsky: How do you plead?
James: Not guilty, your honor.
Eva: They should be charged with murder!
Judge Petrovsky: Court officers, remove this woman!
[the court officers escort Eva out of the courtroom as James and Victoria look on with remorse]
James: She's right. We should be charged with murder.
Judge Petrovsky: Would the People like to amend the charge?
Novak: No, your honor. The defendants are only grandstanding to further their political agenda.
James: If you were fit for your job, you'd seek justice for these lost souls.
Victoria: It was an accident.
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Hunter, control your clients.
Hunter: As your honor well knows, according to New York law, life does not begin until a baby draws breath.
James: It begins at the moment of conception.
Novak: Even in the cases of abandoned newborns, a murder charge cannot be brought if it's determined the infant was stillborn.
Judge Petrovsky: The charges stand.
Hunter: Actually, your honor, the grand larceny should be dropped to petty larceny. Human bodies cannot legally be sold, and therefore have no monetary value.
Novak: The couples who went to Hudson Cryobank each spent tens of thousands of dollars to get those embryos.
Hunter: That was for services provided. It wasn't a sticker price of an embryo.
Judge Petrovsky: That's an issue for your trial judge. I'll add on the lesser charge and hear the People as to bail.
Novak: $100,000 each.
Hunter: Excessive. The defendants are not a flight risk. They have ties to the community.
Judge Petrovsky: Bail is set at 10,000 each, cash or bond. [bangs gavel] Next case.

Undercover [9.15][edit]

Benson: Lowell Harris, you're under arrest for raping Ashley Tyler.
Fin: And the attempted murder of a police officer.
Harris: You're a cop?
Benson: Who's the bitch now?

Cold [9.19][edit]

[Novak enters Judge Donnelly's chambers]
Novak: You wanted to see me, Judge Donnelly?
Judge Donnelly: Yes. The DA is declining to re-file charges against Thomas Crane.
Novak: He raped and murdered Alisa Hernandez, and he gets to keep his badge?
Judge Donnelly: Because of your actions, counselor.
Novak: With all due respect, ma'am, this doesn't concern you.
Judge Donnelly: It does now. [hands Novak a notice]
Novak: I'm being called before the bar.
Judge Donnelly: At my insistence.
Novak: Why?
Judge Donnelly: Because you lost perspective. And because I sit on the peer review board, and I cannot allow you to commit a Brady violation and lie to the court without consequence.
Novak: The reports weren't finished, your honor! I sent them back!
Judge Donnelly: You lied to Petrovsky, and now, you are lying to me. The lab reports were dated and stamped! We are civil servants, Casey! No one is falling on their sword for you. What I want to know is why.
Novak: Because the bad guys can't always win. He deserved to pay.
Judge Donnelly: And so do you.
Novak: How much trouble am I in?
Judge Donnelly: Censure. Possible suspension.
Novak: For how long?
Judge Donnelly: A year. Maybe more.
Novak: What should I do?
Judge Donnelly: Something else.

Season 10[edit]

Trials [10.1][edit]

Captain Cragen: Fin, grab Elliot and go check out the Lydia. [Fin does not leave] There a problem?
Fin: You know my beef with Stabler. He's a total head case. I'd rather have any other partner.
Captain Cragen: It's not ladies' choice today, detective. Suck it up. Do your job.
Fin: You got my request for transfer 3 months ago. Any idea what's holdin' that up?
Captain Cragen: Nope.
Fin: You signed off on the 5-7?
Captain Cragen: And gave you a glowing recommendation. If you like, I'll call the Chief of D's office, see where it's at.
Fin: That's great. Thanks.
Captain Cragen: No problem. In the meantime, you've got an assignment.

Munch: Ah, the smell of stale beer and quiet desperation. Did I ever tell you about the bar I owned in Baltimore?
Fin: 'Bout a kazillion times.
Munch: I like to open one up here, but the real estate's a bit pricier.

Munch: I'm gonna need investors. You interested?
Fin: What you smokin'?
Munch: Come on. Then we'd get to still be partners after you left the squad. That is, if you're really leaving.
Fin: Watch me.
Munch: You know, if one more person dumps me, I'm gonna start taking it personally. Aside from my wives, there was Jeffries, Cassidy, Meldrick, Stan "The Big Man" Bolander. Stan the Man was my mentor in Baltimore, just like I am yours. Circle of life, my friend. Circle of life.

[after Stabler's credit card case has been solved, Kathleen walks up to him]
Kathleen: Dad!
Stabler: Kathleen, what are you doin' here?
Kathleen: You had my boyfriend arrested? What the hell?
Stabler: What are you talkin' about?
Kathleen: Tony didn't steal your credit card. I had to buy some books for school, so I borrowed it when I was home on Sunday.
Stabler: You didn't buy any books! You never told me you had a boyfriend.
Kathleen: Well, I do, and you'd better make it right.
Stabler: I'd better make-- What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me?!
Benson: Ell.
Kathleen: Tony didn't do anything.
Stabler: [heads back to the squad room] We're not gonna talk about this now. And you're gonna get that thing removed from your leg!
Kathleen: You have a tattoo. [leaves]

Stranger [10.11][edit]

Stabler: [suspect starts to run away from Stabler and Benson] Got a runner! [Suspect turns and runs away. Benson and Stabler follow as Stabler yells at the suspect] Vasco, stop!
Fin: [Punches suspect in the face and he falls to the ground] We got a dropper!

Lead [10.15][edit]

Stabler: How do you know when a lawyer is lying?
Benson: Uh, when his lips are moving?

[while investigating Dr. Keppler's murder]
Fin: What are we waitin' on?
Stabler: Cragen. He says we don't touch the place until Greylek sees it, just in case IAB wants to screw with us again.
Munch: You sure Greylek's not on one of her "I gotta be at the crime scene" crusades?
Fin: [looks ahead] That's not Greylek.
[the other detectives look ahead and notice Captain Cragen arriving with the original ADA: Alexandra Cabot]
Benson: Alex!
Alex: What have we got?

Stabler: Where's Greylek?
Alex: New administration called her back to the justice department. DA let her leave immediately.
Benson: And McCoy drafted you to fill in.
Alex: I wasn't drafted. Jack asked me.
Benson: No one told us about it.
Alex: I only accepted an hour ago.

[Alex and Granger gather in Judge Moredock's chambers after Jeff's testimony]
Granger: I want her brought before the disciplinary committee for badgering Jeffrey. My clients are furious.
Alex: Clients?! Jeffrey Lynwood is your client. Not his parents. [to the judge] I'm moving to disqualify Mr. Granger as counsel.
Granger: Oh, she's posturing.
Alex: You're a sleaze bag! You're letting Jeffrey's father call the shots, because he can pay you and Jeffrey can't.
Granger: I'm acting in my client's best interests.
Judge Moredock: Your client has as much business on a witness stand as I do riding in a rodeo! Only a horse's ass would ignore his diminished mental capacity.
Granger: You're outta line, your honor.
Judge Moredock: And you are a disgrace to the defense bar, Mr. Granger! And if you don't get your act in line, I'll grant her motion and report you to the disciplinary committee. Now, get out!

Selfish [10.19][edit]

[Alex texts on her phone during Ashley's arraignment]
Judge Cohen: How does the defendant plead?
Devere: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge Cohen: I'll hear the People on bail.
[Alex is still texting]
Judge Cohen: Miss Cabot, are we keeping you from some important business?
Alex: [stops texting] Uh, I'm sorry, your honor. The People request remand.
Devere: What?
Alex: The defendant has established a pattern of theft and obfuscation. We consider her an extreme flight risk.
Devere: Miss Walker has no criminal record. To keep her locked up over these two charges is ridiculous.
[Alex resumes texting]
Judge Cohen: That sounds a little extreme, even for you, Miss Cabot. And if you don't put that phone down, I'm gonna hold you in contempt!

Zebras [10.24][edit]

Stuckey: You shouldn't have been mean to me!

Stabler: What a way to end.

Season 11[edit]

Unstable [11.1][edit]

Benson: Where's Alex Cabot?
Paxton: Training in Albany. When she's finished, she'll take my spot in Appeals.
Stabler: Appeals? Well, no disrespect, but we do things a little differently down here in New York City.
Paxton: Oh really? I was trying homicides when you were fresh out of the academy, walking a beat, and trying not to piss yourself.
Captain Cragen: Executive ADA Paxton got the first capital conviction when Pataki brought back the death penalty.
Paxton: That's right, so when I say stop playing fast and loose with defendants rights, that's what you'll do, or you won't be working here.
Captain Cragen: That is the commisioners descision, Sonya, not yours.
Paxton: That's where you're wrong, Don. There have been far too many overturned convictions - especially in the 'he-said she-said' unit. So, McCoy sent me here to clean the house. Oh, and 1PP thinks it's a really swell idea, so why don't you walk me through it?

Paxton: I thought there were no open rape cases matching this M.O.
Stabler: There aren't. Maybe the victims didn't report it. My gut is telling me that he's done it before.
Paxton: Or maybe it's your acid reflux.

Paxton: 53 convictions have been overturned in the state, Don. Even one is too many.
Benson: Those men were exonerated through DNA. There's a difference.
Paxton: Falsely imprisoned for decades, I might add, because detectives didn't do their jobs in the first place.
Stabler: Well that isn't the case here, Miss Paxton. Tate's guilty.
Paxton: Really? Oh. Well that's great then. You don't mind calling me after you re-interview Katie Harris, and show her a sequential photo array.

Sugar [11.2][edit]

[Paxton interviews suspect Vance Shepard's assistant, Lizette]
Lizette: On Wednesday night, Vance dropped by my place, so we could share a cab to dinner. It must have been 5:30.
Paxton: And his mood?
Lizette: Fine. He asked if he could pour drink, but he's done that before.
Paxton: And at dinner, he was the same old super-boss he always is?
Lizette: Pretty much.
Paxton: And just for the record, you would never lie for him, right?
Lizette: No.
Paxton: Even after he bought you that very impressive rack?
Lizette: Excuse me?
Paxton: Well, come on. A pair that nice has got to make a girl feel pretty grateful, right?
Lizette: That's none of your business. [stands up to leave]
Paxton: Sit down. Hon, everything's my business. Your boss, your boobs, your belligerent little attitude. You need to start telling me the truth or I'll throw you in lockup. With that cute little body of yours, it'll get you all the attention you can handle.

Solitary [11.3][edit]

Stabler: I don’t work for you.
Paxton: I’m not gonna watch you brutalize a prisoner in custody.
Stabler: I didn’t lay a finger on him.
Paxton: Oh, really? Could've fooled me.
Stabler: I was transferring him to central booking.
Paxton: Well, under the circumstances, that’s not appropriate.
Stabler: It’s my case!
Paxton: No. You’re not the case, detective. You’re the victim!
Stabler: [offended look]
Paxton: I'm sorry. Does that word offend you? Big strong Elliot Stabler can’t be anyone’s victim, right?
Stabler: You don’t know me.
Paxton: Trust me. I read your file.
Stabler: You wanna know something? You’ve had a hard-on for me since the day you walked into this squad.
Paxton: No, hon, not at all. I got problems with anybody who doesn’t play by the rules.
Stabler: No. Your rules! You act like the law's Holy Scripture. You don't give a damn about the law. You want control. You don't know me. You know me? I know you. I see perps like you walking here everyday of the week. They gotta have control. The whole world falls apart, but inside they're scared, weak, damaged--
[Paxton slaps him]

[Stabler enters Paxton's office, after spending two days in solitary, at his own choice]
Paxton: Where the hell have you been?
Stabler: The hall. I wanna drop the charges.
Paxton: Don't be a wuss, Stabler. You took a bad trip in your own head, and now what? You feel sorry for Donovan? Well, that's your problem. Mine is convicting a would-be cop killer, who thinks doing a little time gives him the right to whack the first cop who looks at him cross-eyed.
Stabler: It's not that simple.
Paxton: Actually, it is. If Donovan walks it's open season on law enforcement, for any perp that did a day in the hall.
Stabler: Look, you don't have to set him a precedent. Just cut him a deal.
Paxton: If I plea-bargain Donovan, he's out in 5 years, and then what? Does he run down the cop who pulls him over for speeding? I won't take that chance.
Stabler: I'll report you for assault. The DA will suspend you.
Paxton: Go ahead. [pauses and then smiles] Thought so. You may of lost your balls in lock-up but, I still got mine.

Hammered [11.4][edit]

[Stabler and Benson take Dalton on a trip, where he eventually escapes]
Paxton: Good morning, detectives.
Stabler: Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.
Paxton: Has anyone seen my missing defendant?
Stabler: We could try and find him, unless you just wanna waste our time bustin' my balls.
Paxton: Oh, I'd never kick a fellow when he's down. I'm sure you feel like a grade-A moron as it is. Of course, I'm the one who has to slog through a Wade hearing, because you tainted the bartender's ID.
Captain Cragen: What do you need, Sonya?
Paxton: On the assumption you'll retrieve Dalton Rindell for me, I'm proceeding with my trial prep. I actually just stopped by to watch a movie. Wanna join me?

[Paxton enters the interrogation room in the middle of an interview with Dalton]
Paxton: Ugh! Cut the crap! Jeez!
Stabler: Need somethin', Sonya?
Paxton: Yeah. For him to admit he killed and raped Audrey Hale. [to Stabler and Benson] I got tired of watching you 2 play patty cake. Sorry.
Dalton: How can I admit something I don't remember? Look, I had a history of blackouts in my drinking days. One time, I woke up in a hotel room in Phoenix. I had no clue how I got there.
Paxton: [mocks] "The liquor made me do it! My partner made me do it!"
Dalton: He did! He admitted it!
Paxton: Please. It's not like he slipped you a Mickey. And he's not the one who killed Audrey. You are. You lured her to your place, found out what she did for a living, and then you killed her in a drunken rage.
Dalton: I'm not even anti-abortion!
Paxton: Okay. So, her profession was just a fluke. Then why did you kill her?
Dalton: I don't know! I swear, I have no memory of what happened that night.
Paxton: Fine. Maybe this will jog your memory.
[she shows Dalton a video with a recreation of the crime scene, with his image]
Dalton: That's me.
Paxton: Yeah.
Dalton: You can't show that to a jury, can you?
Paxton: No. Not with your likeness. But everything else. I made this one just for you.
[Dalton shuts the computer]
Dalton: I wanna talk to a lawyer.

[during Dr. Sopher's testimony]
Kressler: Dr. Sopher, you conducted a study involving the brain imaging of alcoholics.
Dr. Sopher: Yes, and the results indicate...
Paxton: People renew their objection to this hearing in its entirety.
Judge Moredock: Counselor!
Paxton: It doesn't matter what voodoo science she trots out as an excuse. Intoxication has been banned as a defense to rape and murder dating back...
Kressler: The People didn't meet their burden for rape. That charge was dropped!
Paxton: [corrects herself] Banned as a defense to murder, dating back to the 19th century.
Kressler: Would your honor remind Miss Paxton that the entire point of a Frye hearing is to consider the admissibility of new science at trial.
Judge Moredock: I do have other matters to consider. Objection overruled.

Hardwired [11.5][edit]

Alex: I finally claw my way out of appeals, and you guys bring me this cluster.

[SVU captures members of O.S.L. and throw them into a holding cell]
First suspect: I still don't understand what I did wrong.
Fin: I'm throwin' you in a cage full of pedophiles. See if they can help you figure it out.
Second suspect: I've never seen that kid before in my life.
Captain Cragen: Pictures don't lie. We got him sitting on your lap.
Third suspect: I don't have anybody to watch my shop.
Benson: That's the least of your problems, baby raper. [she shuts the cell] Bet you didn't think NYPD would be hosting this year's Our Special Love convention.
[Stabler brings O'Donnell in]
Stabler: Hey, all you vermin! You can thank your leader, Kevin O'Donnell, for keeping such meticulous records. Enjoy, Kevin.
O'Donnell: You can't leave me in here! [Benson shuts the cell] I want my lawyer.
Benson: She'll meet you in arraignment, tomorrow.
[O'Donnell looks behind him and sees all his customers staring at him]

Turmoil [11.8][edit]

[outside the Supreme Court steps, Alex notices EADA Paxton]
Paxton: Alex!
Alex: I thought you stood me up.
Paxton: Sorry, I couldn't make it through the door. Guess I'm not quite ready.
Alex: Why don't you tell me what you want?
Paxton: Just to give you some much needed advice. Don't give the State Bar anymore ammunition.
Alex: I didn't blow a trial by breathing vodka onto a judge, and I sure as hell wasn't forced to take a breathalyzer in open court.
Paxton: Actually, it was scotch, and drunk or not, I've never been accused of a Brady violation.
Alex: I take my oath very seriously, and I did not withhold evidence from the defense.
Paxton: Look, even if it was the cops who didn't turn over every scrap of evidence, you're still culpable. They'll yank your license.
Alex: Benson and Stabler would not do that.
Paxton: They're good cops, but their loyalty is to each other, not to you.
Alex: I know you didn't get along with Stabler, but this is low, even for you.
Paxton: I don't have any ax to grind.
Alex: No, you just want to bury it in their backs.
Paxton: Who are you gonna blame when you lose your job, Alex?
Alex: You're telling me not to trust them.
Paxton: No. I'm telling you to do your job and watch your ass.

Dickie: Ever sleep with your partner, detective?
Benson: Never. Are we done playing games?

Perverted [11.9][edit]

Stabler: You look terrible!
Benson: Stop with the sweet talk…

Captain Cragen: Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis.

Clerk: Docket ending 6041. People v. Olivia Benson. The charge is murder in the second degree.
Judge Ridenour: Sorry to see you here under these circumstances, detective. How do you plead?
Benson: Not guilty.
[the biker gang barges into the courtroom]
Biker: Guilty!
Judge Ridenour: Remove whoever shouted that! Anybody else disrupting my court'll be held in contempt! Capisce?!

Stabler: [opens Benson's fridge] You have absolutely no food in this house.
Benson: They have this great thing, it's called delivery.
Stabler: Planning a tropical getaway? [holds up travel brochures]
Benson: A girl can dream, can't she? Stop snooping.

Anchor [11.10][edit]

[after seeing Fin's misconduct on the news]
Chief Muldrew: "Special violence unit"?
Fin: Randall Carver's a leech.
Chief Muldrew: And you're a police officer. For how much longer is up to you.
Fin: I didn't rough him up.
Captain Cragen: You're saying the camera's lying?
Fin: You know what, gimme the rip. I don't care. I'm-a find this killer before another kid dies. [leaves]
Captain Cragen Fin!
Chief Muldrew: No. No, keep on goin', Tutuola. Out the door, on to your next career. I'm sure you'll enjoy being a mall cop.
Fin: Okay, I'm sorry. I lost my cool with Carver and I shouldn't have.
Chief Muldrew: Now, go say it again to that asswad who's making our lives Hell!

Fin : [to a suspect who's about to jump out the window] Better grow wings or I'm gonna blow your brains all over the street down there!

Protester: [is yelling on a bullhorn outside the police station] SVU what do you say? How many kids gonna die today?
Fin: [to Munch] Hold this [hands Munch a box] Gonna see how far I can kick that bullhorn up his ass.
Munch: Don't dirty your shoe, Fin.

Gordon Garrison: I'm just a social thermometer taking the people's temperature.
Alex Cabot: Rectally?

Quickie [11.11][edit]

[just after the judge has ordered recess]
Rebecca: Your honor, may I say something to the court?
Judge Preston: No! I've already issued my ruling. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, your honor. Peter?!
[she sprays Peter with acid; Peter screams in pain while the detectives restrain Rebecca]
Judge Preston: Call an ambulance!
Rebecca: Now you look like the monster you are!

Shadow [11.12][edit]

[Captain Cragen and Dr. Huang face the Chief of Detectives]
Chief Muldrew: Your pet cops finally went off the deep end. Arresting Anne Gillette at her parents' funeral?!
Captain Cragen: They were obeying my direct orders, sir.
Chief Muldrew: You knew I ordered Detective Ramsey to close this case.
Captain Cragen: I didn't think that trumped a double homicide.
Chief Muldrew: This isn't a moment for you to think. Your detectives didn't arrest Anne Gillette for murder. Penny-ante witness tampering is all I heard.
Captain Cragen: For now.
Chief Muldrew: And you can prove that she's the killer?
Captain Cragen: Not yet.
Chief Muldrew: Then why the hell did you arrest her in the middle of Park Avenue?
Dr. Huang: She's dangerous.
Chief Muldrew: Is that your clinical opinion, Dr. Huang?
Dr. Huang: Do you want me to use bigger words? Fine. She's a psychopath with extremely violent tendencies.
Chief Muldrew: Stop showing off. [sighs] Bring her down for murder, and I'll back your play. But screw the pooch, and I'm gonna let the crap roll downhill.
[he leaves]
Captain Cragen: They better crack her, or we're gonna have a lotta shoveling to do.

Benson: [about Anne] Sounds like she hasn't found herself, but why would the Prestwick Foundation want her on the board?
Detective Ramsey: Daddy gave them 10,000,000.
Stabler: I got my daughter a job at Target. Didn't cost me a dime.
Detective Ramsey: I'm sure your daughter's more qualified to sit on the Prestwick Foundation board.

P.C [11.14][edit]

Alex: That was quick. She didn't punch you again, did she?
Stabler: Ah, you know, some women just don't want to talk man to man.
Duffy: Stabler!
Stabler: I wish she would refuse to talk to me.
Duffy: Look, you pig-headed son of a bitch. You can't drag an innocent- [notices Alex] Hi. Babs Duffy.
Alex: Alex Cabot. I will leave you two alone.
Duffy: You don't have to.
Stabler: No, you want to say something, let's do it in the box.

Stabler: [to Benson] I get hit, you get hit on.

Confidential [11.15][edit]

Clerk: Docket ending 245. People vs. Richard Morgan. Charges are--
Judge Maskin: Is this right? 230 counts each, grand larceny and fraud in the first degree, and 20 counts of income tax evasion?
Alex: Your honor, you're looking at Bernard Madoff, the Karate Kid edition.
Block: That's prejudicial, Judge. I want her censured.
Judge Maskin: I don't see any jury here, Miss Block. And she certainly isn't going to prejudice me. How do you plead, Mr. Morgan?
Morgan: Not guilty.
Alex: The defendant has a private plane and ample means to flee the country. We request remand to Rikers.
Block: Remand is excessive. My client wasn't charged with a violent crime.
Alex: Yet. Mr. Morgan is also being investigated for rape and murder.
Judge Maskin: And when he's charged with either of those, he'll await trial in Rikers. The defendant will surrender his passport and be confined to his home with an electronic monitoring device. Bail is denied. [bangs gavel] We're in recess.

Witness [11.16][edit]

Kressler: How well did you know Lainie?
Nardalee: Not at all.
Kressler: So you weren't girlfriends? You didn't share any secrets?
Nardalee: No.
Kressler: So, you wouldn't know if what you saw was my client fulfilling Lainie's fantasy.
Nardalee: That girl was being raped.
Kressler: How do you know that? You just said that you didn't know my client or Lainie.
Nardalee: I know when a woman is being raped.
Kressler: Are you a mind reader?
Nardalee: I was raped.
Kressler: Objection, your honor.
Nardalee: I've seen many women raped. I know that look.
Kressler: This is unresponsive.
Nardalee: I know that look. That dead look in the eyes when you imagine you are anywhere but there.
Kressler: Please direct her to answer the question.
Judge Andrews: Mr. Kressler asked you a question. Are you a mind reader?
Nardalee: No, your honor. I am not.
Kressler: Isn't it a fact that you are in this country illegally?
Alex: Objection! Relevance.
Kressler: It goes to her character. She lied to get into the country. Maybe she's lying about this.
Judge Andrews: I'll allow it.
Kressler: Miss Ula, isn't it a fact that last week, you were in a detention center?
Nardalee: Yes.
Kressler: And aren't you only testifying here today, in exchange for Miss Cabot getting you out?
Nardalee: No!
Kressler: Is it true that you were to be deported, because of close ties to a terrorist organization?
Nardalee: That is a lie!
Kressler: Aren't you married to a known terrorist?
Nardalee: It was a forced marriage!
Kressler: And you claimed he raped you.
Nardalee: He and all his friends!
Kressler: And now you see rape everywhere. No further questions.

Alex: Miss Ula, why did you come into this country?
Nardalee: To escape the epidemic of sexual violence taking place in the Democratic Republic of Congo. The men who raped me were fighting for control of the mines that produce tin, tungsten, and tantalum, the conflict minerals you so desperately need to make your cell phones and computers!
Kressler: Objection. What does this have to do with this trial?
Alex: He called her character into question and insinuated she was a member of a terrorist organization. He opened this door!
Judge Andrews: Overruled.
Alex: Miss Ula, do you see rape everywhere?
Nardalee: The women in my village were raped. The women in the militia camp were raped. I was raped repeatedly, by so many men, I lost count. They put their guns in my sex, and one of them pulled the trigger. I was in the hospital for over a year. It left me incontinent. So, yes. I have seen rape EVERYWHERE! That is how I know that girl was raped.
Alex: Thank you. Nothing further.

[after Bryce is convicted of Lainie's rape]
Nardalee: I can't believe I helped put a rapist in jail! I never thought it was possible. In the DRC, the men don't even fear being punished.

Season 12[edit]

Gray [12.9][edit]

Benson: Who you calling?
Stabler: Hardwicke. Seeing what we should do with Chuckles here.
Fin: I'm ahead of you. Hardwicke's in Albany meetin' with the AG. The temp ADA's on the way.
Stabler: Well, hopefully, it's somebody who knows how to sort through this mess.
Paxton: How 'bout me, hon? Messes are my specialty. [enters the squad room] Hey, Stabler. Miss me?
Benson: [surprised] Sonya, what are you doin' here?
Paxton: You mean, how did I escape the drunk tank?
Stabler: No, she means, why us?

[Chuck opens the door to his room, expecting to see Carla]
Chuck: Carla, baby? Daddy's here. [drops his pants] You called, Chuck-a-luck delivers, big time! [suddenly, the lamp turns on; on Chuck's bed is Paxton] Whoa! [puts his pants back on]
Paxton: Doesn't look that big to me.
Chuck: Who the hell are you?
Paxton: Sonya Paxton. I'm from the District Attorney's office. I heard you had something that could really rock my world, but...
[Benson, Stabler, and Carla enter]
Benson: Hey. Funny. You never told us you had a girlfriend.

Stabler: Chuck Mills, you're under arrest for abortion in the second degree.
Chuck: I want a lawyer!
Paxton: Get a good one, 'cause I'm gonna kick your ass.
Chuck: There's nothin' in that tube but lube!

[Stabler tells Paxton about what Kathleen had done]
Paxton: Your daughter?! You didn't have the balls to do your own dirty work, so you sent your kid to break the law for you?!
Stabler: Nobody broke the law!
Paxton: What is wrong with you people?! GOD! How many Brady violations do you have to get slapped with?! You can't keep screwin' up like this!
Stabler: If you would just shut...! Just shut up for one second. I can explain.
Paxton: No, no, you shut up! I'll explain to you. Okay?! You just handed Chuck Mills a get-out-of-jail-free card!
Stabler: Chuck Mills isn't going anywhere, because I didn't tell my daughter to take the file.
Paxton: Oh! Right! Right! And I should believe you, because you have a reputation for playing by the book, and it's beyond reproach!
Stabler: You know somethin'?! I hope you're not on the sauce right now, 'cause I got a policy against strangling drunks. Go have a drink.

Pop [12.11][edit]

Clerk: Docket ending 419. People vs. Henry Shaw Roberts. One count each: Assault in the second degree, criminally negligent homicide, endangering the welfare of a child.
Judge Preston: Busy man, Mr. Roberts. How do you plead?
Hank: Not guilty.
Hunter: On all counts, your honor. And the homicide charge is a stretch.
Hardwicke: The defendant forced his stepson to fight a 10-year-old and bet on the winner. What would you call the death of that child?
Judge Preston: I'll let the grand jury decide. Bail, Miss Hardwicke?
Hardwicke: Remand, your honor. When he's not promoting kiddie fights, the defendant spends his spare time beating up his wife and stepson.
Hunter: My client has never been arrested. He has a steady job and strong ties to the community.
Judge Preston: First offense, Miss Hardwicke. Can you live with 50,000 bail?
Hardwicke: If it's cash only and comes with an order of protection for Mrs. Roberts.
Judge Preston: So ordered. Mr. Roberts, you are not to come within 200 feet of your wife, your stepson, or your home.
Hank: Then where the hell am I gonna stay?
Judge Preston: Rikers Island, if you violate the order. Unless you'd rather go now.
Hunter: That won't be necessary. Mr. Roberts will abide by your ruling.
Judge Preston: Then we're done, aren't we? 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

Bombshell [12.19][edit]

[during Doug and Jane's arraignment]
Judge Andrews: Lot of charges here, Miss Hardwicke. I hope you aren't trying to substitute quantity for quality.
Hardwicke: Your honor, the defendants are serial con artists who've defrauded countless victims.
Seaver: Then why isn't the gallery overflowing with 'em?
Hardwicke: [turns to Jerry in the gallery] One is seated right there. Jerry Bullard.
Seaver: You mean the man who's willingly paying for my client's defense.
Hardwicke: That's irrelevant.
Judge Andrews: Mr. Shankman, wanna pipe in here on behalf of your client?
Shankman: Yes. Yes. My client would like to plead not guilty, your honor.
Seaver: As does mine.
Hardwicke: And the People request remand for both defendants, who have displayed quite a talent for trickery, coercion, and threats. Both use aliases, both lack community ties, and both are an extreme flight risk.
Seaver: Your honor, I don't know about this other suspect, but my client has no history of violence and has never been charged with a crime.
Doug: Uh, me, neither. I've never even been fingerprinted.
Judge Andrews: Sir, if you have something to say, you need to say it through counsel.
Doug: [about his attorney] But he's not sayin' anything.
Hardwicke: Your honor, in addition to the charges before you, the defendants are also suspects in an out-of-state murder. It would be irresponsible to allow them to go...
Judge Andrews: Are you asking for an extradition hold?
Hardwicke: Well, no. Special Victims collected the defendants' DNA and sent it to Miami PD. But we're still awaiting confirmation.
Judge Andrews: Then you're tap-dancing while I should be at lunch. Bail will be set for each defendant at $250,000. Both will surrender their passports. [bangs gavel]

Reparations [12.21][edit]

Fin: Hardwicke's in Miami at a Bar conference. Any idea who's our temporary ADA?
Novak: How 'bout one back from the dead?
[Casey Novak herself enters the squad room, to Stabler and Fin's surprise]
Stabler: Casey Novak!
Novak: Alive, and fairly well.

Smoked [12.24][edit]

Greer: You're not going to let them arrest me?
Greer's Boss: Yes, and shake their hands when they're finished.

Season 13[edit]

Scorched Earth [13.1][edit]

Alex: All I ever heard about was how Mike Cutter was a crusader for Justice. What happened to you?
Cutter: If we press a case that we can't win, we just tell the next victim that she's better off staying silent.
Alex: If we let DiStasio walk, we send a message to the rest of the world, that in New York, the law doesn't apply to the rich and the powerful. We are here to even those scales - not cut and run.

[Benson arrives in the captain's office]
Captain Cragen: Elliot put his papers in. There was nothing I could do.
Benson: He's earned it.
Captain Cragen: And then some. You wanna talk?
Benson: No.
Captain Cragen: Wanna take a day?
Benson: I'm fine.
Captain Cragen: Liv, I'm sorry.
[Benson leaves the office]

Missing Pieces [13.5][edit]

[Fin and Rollins approach an apartment]
Rollins: Apartment 1A. Arnold Savatsky. A level-2 offender.
[Fin knocks on the door]
Fin: Trick or treatǃ
Arnold: [behind door] I'm not supposed to open the doorǃ
Fin: [knocks again] Policeǃ
Rollins: Bein' a good boy.
[Arnold opens the door]
Rollins: Happy Halloween, Arnold. You plannin' on handin' out any candy today?
Arnold: Come on. Every year the same thing? I know the drill. Stay inside, no costumes, no kids.
Rollins: That's right, Arnold.
Fin: See you next year.

Rollins: [knocks on another apartment door] Trick or treatǃ
Man behind door: Who wants a treat?ǃ
[the door opens, revealing a clown with candy on hand]
Fin: NYPD. What the hell you doin', Bozo? [the clown tries to shut the door, but Rollins stops him; Fin grabs the clown] Didn't your parole officer tell you not to open up the door on Halloween?ǃ

Season 14[edit]

Her Negotiation [14.24][edit]

Benson: After what you did to her, you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in.
Lewis: What I did, you should be so lucky someone does that to you.
Amaro: Shut the hell up or I'll take you out right now and wipe that stupid smile off your face.
Benson: Nick, it's all right. I wanna hear this. I should be so lucky? How?
Lewis: Well, sure, sweetheart. What do you want to hear?
Benson: Whatever you got.
Lewis: You mean, like, how disturbing it would be to make a fine, educated, cultured woman like that disrobe? How humiliating it would be? How she might have covered herself with her hands?
Benson: Go on.
Lewis: You want to hear about how I tied her to the bed. Not too tight, so I could watch her struggle. Or do you want to hear how I made her get down on her knees and forced myself inside her? Is that your thing? Or do you wanna hear about the pyrotechnics? How I put out cigarettes on her? [smiles] Yeah, gotcha. you want to hear how I branded her private parts with keys and hot hangers.
Amaro: All right. I know you're getting off on this, but you know what? I wanna know how you got in that apartment.
Lewis: That's by the numbers. [to Benson] Men are from Mars, right, detective? he wants the logistics, but you... you want the emotions.
Benson: I do. So tell me more.
Lewis: A 60-year-old woman. She did things she never expected to do... things she never knew were possible... with her fingers, with her mouth. Do you wanna hear how, in the evening, she said she would do anything as she begged for her life? Or how, in the morning, she begged me to take her out of her misery? Which do you think I enjoyed more?

[Benson returns to her apartment, only to find a familiar face pointing a gun at her]
Lewis: Welcome home, Detective Benson.

Season 15[edit]

Surrender Benson [15.01][edit]

Benson: [to Lewis] My partner, my squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you've put people through hell. It will rain back down on you.
Lewis: You know what? Let it rain.

Benson: My old partner, he'd know what to do. He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He would kick your teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face.

Internal Affairs [15.4][edit]

Captain Cragen: Munch put in his papers.
Benson: What?! No, he didn't.
Captain Cragen: Yeah. The Mehcad Carter case hit him pretty hard. Liv. It's okay, Liv. Nothing changes, except what has to.

Wonderland Story [15.5][edit]

[last line; Munch gets one last phone call]
Munch: [picks up] Homicide. [pause] I mean, SVU. Hold on. I'll get you a detective.
[he puts the phone on hold, grabs his box, and leaves the office]

Amaro's One-Eighty [15.11][edit]

Captain Cragen: I didn't want to announce this until Nick's situation got resolved, but it's done, and so am I. I'm leavin'.
Rollins: What? Now?!
Amaro: Hey, is this part of the deal? Was this their pound of flesh? Because if it is...
Captain Cragen: No, no, no. No. This is my call.
Fin: Where you gonna go, Cap'n?
Captain Cragen: Around the world, actually. Eileen has 2 tickets for a 6-month cruise, and I have enough accrued leave to take me through my mandatory retirement date. If I stay, I make less than if I leave.
Rollins: Cap, cruise. Okay. If anyone's earned it.
Captain Cragen: I'm proud of my time here. And I'm honored and grateful to have worked with the finest unit of detectives I've ever known. Nick, you're gonna get through all this. You're too good a cop and too good a man not to. Amanda, I was never sorry that I brought you up from Atlanta. I would do it again. And, Fin, what can I say? For a guy who never should've been an SVU detective, you're okay.
Fin: Right back at you, Captain. Nobody could ever take your place.
Captain Cragen: Well, for the meantime, Detective Benson will. She's ready. Now, it's not easy going from player to coach, so don't bust her chops. [to Benson] But if they do, you bust 'em right back.
[everyone else in the squad room applauds]

[Cragen clears out his office; Benson enters]
Benson: We should throw you a party.
Cragen: I don't like parties. This is good. Um, word of advice?
Benson: Oh, please! [laughs]
Cragen: I gave my whole life to NYPD, and I forgot to live my own. Me and Eileen, it's a Hail Mary. It's a shot at happiness. You know, people used to say this to me all the time, and I never understood what they meant. But take care of yourself. You deserve it.
[he and Benson share an embrace]
Cragen: Oh, and, Olivia,... Do somethin' with the place, will ya?

Post-Mortem Blues [15.21][edit]

Strauss: Lt. Murphy, what is the important thing you want the grand jury to hear?
Lt. Murphy: I know for a fact that Sergeant Benson's televised confession was not true. I know, because I ordered her to make the so-called confession. She did not commit police brutality, nor did she perjure herself. It was a gambit. A police tactic to lure the weasel out just enough so we could get him.
Strauss: Thank you, Lt. Murphy.
Lt. Murphy: I don't even know why we're here! Sergeant Benson performed an act of extraordinary bravery. She singlehandedly confronted a career sociopath who raped and tortured elderly women, little girls. He killed cops and innocent civilians. You've heard days of testimony regarding the sergeant's actions, but has the prosecutor discussed Lewis' conduct at all?
Strauss: Lt. Murphy!
Lt. Murphy: His history of barbarism? Lewis spent his entire life sadistically inflicting his power over people! Thanks to Sergeant Benson, he's where he should be! William Lewis will never hurt anyone ever again, unless you allow him to exert his power over you.

[Benson has been cleared]
Lt. Murphy: It was the truth that will set you free.
Benson: That's not what I heard.
Lt. Murphy: Well, there are little truths, and there is the larger truth. I told the larger one.

Principal cast[edit]