Secondhand Lions

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Secondhand Lions is a 2003 American adventure/comedy film about a young boy, Walter, (Haley Joel Osment) who is sent to live with his two eccentric but mysterious great-uncles (Hub and Garth McCann (Robert Duvall, Michael Caine) on a farm in Texas. The movie was filmed in Lockhart, Texas.

Walter[edit]

  • I've been to the orphan home before. I don't wanna go back.
  • What's the good having money if you never spend it?
  • You bought a used lion?
  • She was a real lion, wasn't she? There at the end. A real jungle lion. A real Africa lion.

Mae Coleman[edit]

  • Walter, you're going to have to learn to trust people, or you're going to grow up bitter and disappointed.
  • Walter, maybe if you'd learn to smile once in a while, then people might like you.

Garth McCann[edit]

  • Listen, kid, do us a favor. If you come back to the house and stay awhile... Why, our relatives are going to hate it. I bet they hate it so much, they go away and leave us all the hell alone.

Hub McCann[edit]

  • We're old, dammit! Leave us alone!
  • I'll say one thing about this kid, he sure pisses off the relatives.
  • Where'd you put my damn pants?! Where's my pants?!
  • Twice I've held your life in my hands, and twice I have given it back to you; the next time, your life is mine.
    • To the Sheik whom Hub defeats in a duel.
  • Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love, true love, never dies... No matter if they're true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.
  • What do you want us to die of... old age?

Sheriff Brady[edit]

  • Best I can figure, they were trying to fly through that barn, upside down. Had a bunch of reporters out here earlier; CNN. I guess it is news, when you got a tiny World War I biplane bein' flown by two 90-year-old men, neither one of 'em with pilot's licenses... Well, they had a good, long run, the both of 'em. And they went out with their boots on!

Other[edit]

  • The kid gets it all. Just plant us in the damned garden with the stupid lion.
    • Text of the will left by Hub and Garth, being read by an older Walter.
  • No one, slave trader or Bedouin, had seen anything like this mad American who fought like 20 men.

Dialogue[edit]

[Hub and Garth are standing in a large pond, firing shotguns at catfish when Walter and his mother arrive]
Garth: He's runnin' for it!
Hub: I got 'im!
Garth: Damn. Empty!
Hub: Get ammo; I'll keep him covered!
Mae: Yoo-hoo!
[Hub and Garth look up, staring between Mae and each other in confusion.]
Garth: Huh?
Hub: You send for a hooker?
Mae: Uncle Hub, Uncle Garth- it's me, Mae!
[Hub and Garth stare at her, still confused.]
Mae: Mae! Pearl's daughter! And I brought Walter, your nephew!
Garth: Relatives.
Hub: [Groans] Damn.

Hood 1: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?
Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.
Hub: [to Garth] Right.
[Hub suddenly stands up and grabs Hood 1 by the throat]
Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and TANKS! I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN! And loved only one woman, with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!

[A travelling salesman arrives, but unlike the others immediately takes cover behind his car, waving a white flag.]
Salesman: Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Garth: He's been here before! This is no ordinary salesman.
Salesman: Brothers McCann?
Hub: Hell, I like me a challenge.
Salesman: Can we talk?
Hub: Come out where we can see you!
Salesman: Put down the guns and I'll come out!
Garth: [Grins] This guy is good.
Hub: I'll cover him- you sneak around. [Walter tugs at his arm] What? What?
Salesman: Can I just show it to you?
Walter: Why not see what he's sellin'?
Hub: What the hell for?
Salesman: It's right behind my car!
Walter: Well, what's the good of having all that money if you're never gonna spend it?
Salesman: Trust me!
Garth: Could be the kid has a point.
Hub: Well. We'll see what the man's sellin'. Then we'll shoot him.
Garth: Good plan.

Walter:So can I keep him? I'll look after him and take care of him and feed him and everything! I never had a pet of my very own before.
Hub: So kid, you want to take care of it, nurse it back to health?
[Walter nods eagerly.]
Hub:Good. Then we shoot it.
Garth: That's some lion you bought.
Hub: That's some garden seeds you bought.
[Walter begins to close the crate, looks at lion.]
Walter:Don't worry, they're not as bad as they seem right at first.

Walter: What kind of greedy, no-good scum would turn in Uncle Hub for money?
Garth: [Leans in and grins] Well, I would.
Walter: [eyes widening with realization] Ah, it was a trick.
Garth: Yeah, it was a trick.

Garth: Looks like he's going to need stitches.

[Hub slams the butt of his gun onto Stan's face, breaking his nose]

Hub: Yeah, a lot of damn stitches.

[Garth and Hub are outside with Stan while Walter and his mother are inside the house; Stan's numerous injuries from being attacked by the lion mean he is almost entirely covered in casts.]
Garth: Howdy, Stan.
Hub: You know, you're lucky, Stan. Lucky the lion got to you before *we* did.

[Hub and Garth are watching Mae and an injured Stan drive away with Walter]
Hub: Damn. She doesn't deserve that kid. Maybe we'll get a lawyer.
Garth: No judge is gonna take a kid away from his mother, give 'im to two old bachelor uncles.
Hub: Well, maybe she'll sell 'im to us. How much money we got?
Garth: Hub- there's nothin' we can do. He's gone.

Walter: If I'm gonna live here, there's gonna be some conditions.
Hub: Conditions?
Walter: No more dangerous stuff. No more fighting teenagers. No airplanes. More vegetables, less meat.
Hub: What do you expect us to die of? Old age?
Walter: [nods smiling].
Garth: Well... welcome home.