- Holy buckets...she wants me to give her the D.
- Who's gonna pound on it? Say it: 'Ian's gonna pound on it.'
- I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean seriously, what are the odds?
- Oh, did you have a moment? A little moment? You're an idiot.
- Which do you like better, the shaft or the balls?...You like 'em both, don't you.
- Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
- No way. No way my little brother's takin' it in the chili ring! You go and bang a female woman like the good Lord intended. And Ian...fill up the tank, would ya, buddy? Cause it's gettin' a little low.
- I'm into you, and...I'm hard.
- Hey, I was born to fertilize!
- Do you have a phone number? ...You don't! Oh, okay.
- You should pee on us!
- You gotta get the monkey.
- Nice hair. It'd look...look better in my crotch.
- What up, English?
- I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling...went to Vegas once. [pause] And buttfucking.
- Girl at Theme Park: I would've blown, you know!