Shameless (U.S. TV series)
Shameless (U.S TV Series) is an American television drama series that airs on Showtime on Sundays at 10 pm/9 pm Central. It is based on the award-winning British series of the same name broadcast on Channel 4. The series is set in Chicago's South Side Canaryville neighborhood, although it is filmed in Lawndale, Chicago and Burbank, California at Warner Bros. Studios.
[edit] Season 1
[edit] Pilot [1.1]
Frank: Who's been eating my porridge?
[edit] Frank The Plank [1.2]
[edit] Aunt Ginger [1.3]
Lip: What's it like with my dad living at your house?
Karen: Weird.
Lip: It's only gonna get weirder.
Fiona: (to Carl) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The bat is for killing, not for taking to school. I don't need any more notes from your teacher.
Kev: No! Yo, Destructo, that's my toaster!
Carl: Trying to make Melted Man.
Kev: Yeah, use a blowtorch like a normal kid.
Steve: And what exactly does "hooked up" mean? Kev: Last time I checked, penis goes into vagina.
Fiona: This is Aunt Ginger?
Frank: In the flesh.
Fiona: Ginger has a hard-on.
Frank: She was born with a large clitoris. As kids, we were told to keep our hugs brief
Fiona: Dad, you've been cashing her checks. That's a felony. We're living in her house. Was there even a will?
Frank: You don't need a will, if she's not technically dead.
Fiona: Yes, she is technically dead, Dad. Dead is dead. Just because you haven't told anybody that she is dead, doesn't make her not dead
Frank: For the record, I do not want to be sent to a place like this.
Fiona: Don't worry, you'll outlive us all
[edit] Casey Casden [1.4]
Steve: Do you know why doctors, lawyers and nurses are great liars?
Debbie: No.
Steve: Because they lie to help people. Like, a doctor wouldn't tell a sick patient, "Too bad, you're gonna die." He would say, "We're doing everything we can." Wouldn't he?
Debbie: Yeah?
Steve: So, pretend you're being a doctor today and tell a doctor's kind of lie. Can you be a doctor for me?
Debbie: Can I be a nurse?
Steve: That's my girl.
[edit] Three Boys [1.5]
Fiona: Wasn't he drunk when he proposed?
Veronica: Oh, yeah. It was like that David Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger.
Fiona: I never saw that.
Veronica: Oh, you gotta YouTube it. It's like a car wreck... you can't not watch.
Veronica: (talking about their wedding) Maybe we should reconsider, babe.
Kev: But what about the gay people?
Veronica: They got their parades. They can wait.
Veronica: What's that smell? It's either vomit or fancy cheese.
Carl: It can be both if you want.
Doctor: Have you ever done a testicular self-examination?
Frank: Oh, God, no. I say leave those three bad boys down there alone.
Doctor: Yeah, well, that's the problem. Should only be two testicles invited to this party.
Frank: The devil's in my balls, Billy, and he's comin' for the rest of mine.
Fiona: Let's hope he can swim.
Sheila: (to Frank) I have to plots at Oak Woods Cemetery. One was for Eddie. Nothing would make me happier than to bury you in one of them. Wait there for me.
Frank: Oh God, I'm gonna die.
Ian: Have Muslim Boy Scouts?
Kash: It's similar. The motto is still "Be prepared," but you learn how to work with chemicals instead of tying knots.
Frank: Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you... that's gotta suck. I mean, mine's in my balls. So they've got a reason to be pissed. Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. There's no good way to sit. No underwear that's been devised to hold 'em effectively in place. They're a bizarre appendage. An afterthought. Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design. There is no God. We're all gonna die.
Lip: Arson? Who are we talkin' about?
Fiona: V's brother.
Lip: Oh, is that like a sibling brother, or just a black guy brother?
Fiona: Is he retarded?
Veronica: I wish. Tourette's coupled with bipolar disorder and a drinking problem. He's a shrink's wet dream.
Eddie: You look nice. Where are you pretending to go?
Sheila: I'm going to a wedding today. I am really gonna do it this time. And it's supposed to be a beautiful day today. Beautiful and safe and sunny.
Eddie: The sun's just a burning ball of fire that could plunge from the sky at any time.
[edit] Killer Carl [1.6]
[edit] Frank Gallagher: Loving Husband, Devoted Father [1.7]
Frank: (the two goons put Frank's head in the toilet) This is no way to treat a veteran!
Goon: If you didn't run away, we'd have flushed first.
Roy: Today is put-your-head-in-the-toilet day. You know what that makes tomorrow, Frank? Put-your-head-in-the-trash-compactor day.
Cashier: $35.
Frank: $250.
Cashier: $35.
Frank: The hell? You're supposed to negotiate! The phrase "Jew me down" only works if you take the fair price I start with and you slowly jew me down to an unacceptable number. You can't bottom-line some rip-off from the get-go. Now give me a number.
Cashier: $35. And my ancestors and I take full credit for crucifying that Christ putz.
[edit] It's time To Kill The Turtle [1.8]
Debbie: We have to kill the turtle. Daddy and Carl are up in the attic getting ready to cut a hole in the roof for a skylight. It's time to kill the turtle.
Lip: Now, Debs, you know that you guys where the turtle in my story, right?
Debbie: Oh, right.
[edit] But At Last Came A Knocki [1.9]
Kate: Like you in the sack, make it quick.
Frank: I wasn't quick, I was just busy that day.
Simon: I got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.
Debbie: Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they're scarier looking than the villains.
Fiona: Hey. What do you think of Steve?
Lip: Ass is kind of small; not really my type.
Veronica: Is your voice dressed up for Halloween?
Lou Deckner: Is that gonna be a problem, getting Monica to sign?
Frank: No. Why-why would it be a problem?
Lou Deckner: If memory serves, she was a summa cum laude cunt.
Debbie: Are you screwing my sister's boyfriend?
Candace Lishman: If you're selling cookies, that's a hell of an opening line.
Sheila: Well, sometimes, sweetie, when people are in love, they don't tell someone everything for a reason.
Debbie: That's like lying.
Sheila: No, sweetie, it's just... it's a little editing.
Kev: Did you even have a plan back there?
Frank: I was going to charm her into signing once she was there. How the hell was I supposed to know she would show up with ghetto Godzilla in a Peterbilt.
Monica: (looking at her kids) Oh, my God.
Veronica: It's all right. I'm not one of yours. Just came to rubberneck.
Ian: What did I miss with Mom?
Lip: You know how Dad's a total fucking asshole?
Ian: Yeah.
Lip: Turns out he's the good one.
[edit] Nana Gallagher Had an Affair [1.10]
[edit] Daddyz Girl [1.11]
(Debbie finds Fiona and Steve in Fiona's bed where Fiona sings the national anthem with her ankle behind her head.)
Debbie: Am I going to have to learn how to do that when I start having sex?
Fiona: This has nothing to do with sex.
Debbie: Then it's even weirder.
Lip: He might be cool.
Fiona: Ha, Frank's brother?
Lip: He's got to be better than Frank, right? I mean, maybe he has a job or he's sober or he likes kids.
Ian: Doubt it.
Frank: Shouldn't someone be watching you?
Debbie: We're latchkey kids.
Gary: Six months ago, guy fell off a scaffold at McNally Construction. He broke three bones. I could send you over there.
Frank: Sounds good, if it weren't for my fear of heights. What else you got?
Gary: How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye?
Frank: Not so great.
Gary: Okay, look. Are you up-to-date on your rabies shots?
Frank: No.
Gary: Okay, what about seared flesh? Yeah, Bobby's Bagel Joint is hiring. I got a gal, she stuck her hand in the boiling vat. She'll be collecting for at least 24 months.
Frank: Suppose if I had to. Anything else?
Gary: Okay. Here we go. These are the jobs nobody wants. The conditions are hazardous, unsafe... or both. You're guaranteed to get hurt.
Ian: Look, he's going to be a douchebag, no matter who he is.
Lip: He can't be any worse than Frank.
Ian: He's a Gallagher.
Lip: Maybe he'll take you to a game or... you know, kick in some scratch for college, or give you a kidney. Hell, a birthday card once a year... that's a win, right?
Ian: Do we know any cool dads?
Lip: Scottie Hausten's father. But he's on the sex offenders list for jacking off in Sherman Park.
Carl: Come to work with your Dad?
Daughter: No school. Budget cuts.
Carl: Yeah, me too. Wanna go out some time?
Daughter: I'm only 12.
Carl: It's cool. I'm into older women.
Debbie: I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose to make money. Isn't that cheating?
Frank: I prefer to think of it as helping.
Debbie: You do?
Frank: Yeah. When I collect workman's comp, some lady has to fill out the paperwork. That's her job. If it wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed.
Debbie: Did you tell her, Jimmy? Family? Dropped out of med school? Different name?
Steve: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just haven't found the right time yet. Okay?
Debbie: It's unnatural for a kid to hold a secret for so long. I'm gonna crack.
[edit] Father Frank, Full Of Grace [1.12]
[edit] Season 2
[edit] Sumertime[2.1]
Lip Gallagher: (Showing a couple of brochures.) What the hell is this?
Ian Gallagher: It's a mission packet.
Lip Gallagher: To West Point?
Ian Gallagher: You're going through my stuff now?
Lip Gallagher: Ian, you just graduated the tenth grade!
Ian Gallagher: I wanted to see what it would take to get in.
Lip Gallagher: What, to West Point? You're kidding me? You're actually serious about this shit?
Ian Gallagher: Well, I was in ROTC for two years, so what do you think Lip?
Lip Gallagher: I don't know, I thought it was some kind of stupid fucked up adolescent phase, I mean you really want to get your ass shot off in some-some Stan somewhere?
Ian Gallagher: Stan?
Lip Gallagher: Yeah, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqistan...
Ian Gallagher: I guess I'm a patriot!
Lip Gallagher: Fuck.
[edit] Summer Loving [2.2]
[edit] I'll Light a Candle For You Every Day [2.3]
Deb: You okay, daddy?
Frank: Just looked death in the face, Debs. It wasn't pretty.
Deb: I know what you mean. You just have to think of something nice.
[edit] A Beautiful Mess [2.4]
[edit] Father's Day [2.5]
[edit] Cast
- William H. Macy as Frank Gallagher
- Emmy Rossum as Fiona Gallagher
- Jeremy Allen White as Phillip "Lip" Gallagher
- Cameron Monaghan as Ian Gallagher
- Emma Kenney as Debbie Gallagher
- Ethan Cutkosky as Carl Gallagher
- Brennan Kane Johnson & Blake Alexander Johnson as Liam Gallagher
- Shanola Hampton as Veronica Fisher
- Steve Howey as Kevin "Kev" Ball
- Justin Chatwin as Steve/Jimmy Lishman
- Laura Slade Wiggins as Karen Jackson
- Joan Cusack as Sheila Jackson
- Amy Smart as Jasmine
- Pej Vahdat as Kash
- Tyler Jacob Moore as Tony Markovitch
- Joel Murray as Eddie Jackson
- Jane Levy as Mandy Milkovich (Season 1)
- Emma Greenwell as Mandy Milkovich (Season 2 - present)
- Madison Davenport as Ethel
- Marguerite Moreau as Linda
- Noel Fisher as Mickey Milkovich
- Chloe Webb as Monica Gallagher
