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Short Circuit is a 1986 comedy science fiction film about a robot, #5, who short circuits during a thunderstorm and escapes from Nova Robotics. He has been designed as a weapon, and his designer Newton Crosby (played by Steve Guttenberg) and the others at Nova are concerned he might be dangerous. Meanwhile, #5 is being protected by Stephanie Speck (played by Ally Sheedy).
- Number 5... is alive!
- Malfunction! Need input!
- No disassemble!
- Attractive. Nice software!
- Squash, dead. Disassemble, dead. Disassemble...! [panics] DEAD!!
- Frankie, ya broke the unwritten law. Ya ratted on your friends. You do that, Frankie, your enemies don't respect ya. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie. [normal voice] Pretty good, huh?
- Jerk of the world, turkey, idiot, pain in the ass!
- Colt 45, semi-automatic. [crushes colt] Clay dough.
- [sees Number 5 in her truck at night] Oh, my God! I knew they'd pick me. I just knew it!
- Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marital aid.
- [tells a joke to Number 5] There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf, and they're trying to decide how much to give to charity. So the priest says, "We'll draw a circle on the ground, we'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we give to charity." The minster says no. "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No, no, no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"
- Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind! [retreats]
- Ben: "Unable. Malfunction".
- Howard: How can it refuse to turn itself off?
- Skroeder: Maybe it's pissed off.
- Crosby: It's a machine, Skroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.
- Ben and Crosby: It just runs programs.
- Howard: It usually runs programs.
- Howard: [after Number 5 refuses to return to base] Oh, my God. It's not coming back. We've gotta destroy it.
- Crosby: No. Howard, you're overreacting. You can't.
- Ben: Look, let us at least try to catch it first.
- Crosby: Yeah. We'll panic later. Okay?
- Howard: What if you don't catch it? What if it goes out and melts down a busload of nuns?! How would you like to write the headline on that one?!
- Ben: "Nun Soup"?
- Crosby: BEN! [covers Ben's mouth]
- Crosby: Where are you from, anyway?
- Ben: Bakersfield, originally.
- Crosby: No, I mean your ancestors.
- Ben: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.
- Howard: Hey! Who told you you could take Number 1?!
- Crosby: Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number 5, this is the best weapon we could have.
- Howard: Great. Great! So, instead of $11,000,000 on the loose, we're gonna have 22.
- Ben: And plus, we are needing gas money.
- Howard: I got a phone call from that loony in the lunch wagon. She wants to see you. Only you.
- Crosby: She does?
- Ben: Oh, her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby!
- Crosby: Will you grow up?!
- Ben: Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?
- Number 5: Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?
- Something wonderful has happened...No. 5 is alive.
- Life is not a malfunction.