Shrek the Third
- Listen, Artie, eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill, or raise your roof or whatever. But what I am screaming is, "Yo! Check out this kazing thazing, bazaby!" I mean, if it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight tripping, just say, "Oh, no, you didn't! You know, you're getting on my last nerve." And then, I'll know it's...then I'll, I'll know it's whack!
- [While Artie begs to Merlin to take them back] Have a heart, old man.
- [out of nowhere looking at Prince Charming] Break a leg, or on second thought let me break it for you.
- [singing to Shrek and Fiona] Good morning... good morning... to you and you and yooooou.
- [after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano] Look out! They got a piano!
- (discovering Shrek nude in bed) AAAAH!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies.
- [at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head] Dada.
- [Donkey and Puss have just switched bodies] How in the Hans Christen Andersen did this happen?! I feel all exposed and nasty!
- [to Shrek ] Please don't eat me!
- [after Shrek tries to talk to him with clichéd teenager lingo] Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!
- Snow White: Everybody keep calm... WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! [before getting slapped by Doris]
- Captain Hook: Avast, ye cookie. Start talking.
- Gingy: The only thing you'll ever be king of is King of the Stupids!
- Doris: You poor sweet things.
- Cinderella: I don't get it.
- Snow White: The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet... What's to get?
- Doris: I know he's a jerk and all but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
- Snow White: I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
- Sleeping Beauty: [while being carried by Doris] Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow!
- Snow White: I think it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
- Rapunzel: You mean in that RIGGED election?
- Snow White: Oh, give me a break. [dreamy voice] Rapunzel, Rapunzel, [sarcastic voice] let down thy golden extensions.
- Queen Lillian: Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.
- [Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming]
- Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
- Cinderella: Yay! [claps]
- [Awkward pause]
- Fiona: Rapunzel, how could you?
- Rapunzel: Jealous much?
- Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
- [Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space.]
- Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
- Sleeping Beauty: [Snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued. [falls back asleep]
- Shrek: [looking at Artie talking with princesses] See, what'd I tell ya? The kid's gonna make a great king.
- Fiona: For what it's worth, you would have too.
- Shrek: [rubs Fiona's stomach] I have something much more important in mind.
- Captain Hook: [looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook] Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
- Boy's Mother: His name's not Peter!
- Captain Hook: Shut it, Wendy.
- Donkey: Worr-sest-ter-shirey?
- Shrek : It's Worcestershire, Donkey.
- Donkey: Oooh! Like the sauce? IT'S SPICY!
- Artie: [To Shrek] Please don't eat me!
- Students and Teacher: [chanting] Eat him, eat him...
- Shrek: I'm not here to eat him!
- Students and Teacher: Aww...
- Shrek: It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of Far Far Away.
- Artie: What?
- Gingy: I hate dinner theatre.
- Pinocchio: Me too. [nose grows]
- Rapunzel: Oh pookykins, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
- Prince Charming: Not now, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.
- Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... Where... is... Shrek?
- Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
- Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
- Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
- Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
- Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
- Prince Charming: Stop it!
- Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was, that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.
- Donkey [in Puss in Boots]: Alright people, Let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
- Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
- Gingy: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
- Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
- Donkey: Alright, Alright, Alright. From henceforth, we shall be known as Team Alpha-Super-Awesome-Cool-Dynamite-Wolf-Squadron.
- Puss in Boots: [talking to a female cat] It's out of my hands, señorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.
- Female cat: Meeaow.
- Puss in Boots: [very quickly] I gotta go!
- Mike Myers as Shrek
- Eddie Murphy as Donkey
- Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona
- Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots
- Justin Timberlake as Arthur "Artie" Pendragon
- Rupert Everett as Prince Charming
- Eric Idle as Merlin
- Julie Andrews as Queen Lillian
- John Cleese as King Harold
- Conrad Vernon as Gingerbread Man, Rumpelstiltskin, Headless Horseman
- Cody Cameron as Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, Ogre Triplets and Bohort
- Jonathan Ross (UK)/Larry King (US) as Doris the Ugly Stepsister
- Christopher Knights as The Three Blind Mice
- Amy Poehler as Snow White
- Maya Rudolph as Rapunzel
- Megan Hilty as Snow White (Singing Voice)
- Amy Sedaris as Cinderella
- Aron Warner as Big Bad Wolf
- Cheri Oteri as Sleeping Beauty and Actress
- Ian McShane as Captain Hook
- Susan Blakeslee as Wicked Queen
- Regis Philbin as Mabel the Ugly Stepsister
- Mark Valley as Cyclops
- Chris Miller as Puppet Master
- Seth Rogen as Ship Captain
- Tom Kane as Guard #1
- Kari Wahlgren as Old Lady
- Jim Cummings as Shrek (ADR work)
- Mark Moseley as Donkey (ADR work)
- Samantha Bond as Princess Fiona (ADR work)
- Simon Callow as Artie (ADR work)
- John Lithgow as Lord Farquaad (seen in a flashback by Gingerbread Man)
- John Krasinski as Lancelot
- Gwen (Princess Gwenivere)
- And They Lived Happily Never After.
- He's In For The Royal Treatment.
- The Wait Is Ogre.