- Amanda: My friend Nolan told me this thing about men and sex, that they think about it 238 times a day and when they do, they adjust their belts.
- Tom: That's ridiculous. No, no. Not the belt-- I meant the amount. That's ridiculous. Do the math I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day. Times 60 would be 1020, divided by 238. That would be sex about every 4 minutes... Yeah, yeah. That's about right.
- Amanda: I've been here 20 minutes.
- Tom: I think I've loved you since that first day in the market.
- Amanda: You mean the day I had my hand up your pants? Men are so easy.
- Tom: Oh yeah.
- Jonathan: I like you, Lois. You're like a man. You think with your nuts.
- Nolan: Even Dumbo flew without his feather.
- Lois: This is nutty... hazelnutty.
- Tom: If the broom fits, ride it!
- Tom: I love shoes.
- Brian in Shoes: Me too, Mr. Bartlett.
- Tom: I love how we sell shoes. I love how we sell them in twos, it's so... Noah's Ark!
- Tom: It's like riding a bicycle. The first nine times you fall off but the tenth time you can go on for miles.
- Tom: She cursed me. She said in this creepy little voice, a man's character is his destiny...
- Lois: Oh... She's a wise witch. She casts her spells in proverbs.
- Amanda: That's impossible.
- Tom: Why's that?
- Amanda: One good sexual thought takes at least 20 minutes.
- Tom: Very bold plate selection, I might add. Explains the outlift.
- Amanda: To eliminate a necklace would've taken another half hour.
- Tom: I see.
- Amanda: Dosen't look like it takes you very long.
- Tom: Touché. I do seem to come out of the shower fully dressed in a blue suit.