- Bowling leader: That's a pretty nice tuxedo. A pretty nice tuxedo to DIE IN!
- Ward Cleaver: You ever try a pink golf ball, Wally? Why, the wind shear alone on a pink golf ball can take the head clean off a 90-pound midget at over 300 yards.
- Buddy: So, you don't have a ratchet.
- Buddy: Don't touch my guitar, man. Don't even touch my guitar.
- Cantina owner: Hollow body six-string, 1957, a good year.
- Red Elvises: Whats the matter, comrade death?
- Top Hat: You. I asked you to kill one simple guitarist, and what do I get? Dead bald guys. You four have failed me for the last... nice shoes.
- Russian lieutenant: Why don't we just shoot him?
- Russian general: Are you crazy? We haven't had bullets since '57.
- Underground Dweller: If I were you, I'd be run.
- Buddy: If you were me, (pushes glasses up) you'd be good lookin'