Skins
From Wikiquote
Skins is a British television program from Company Pictures which premiered on E4 on January 25, 2007. It centers on the lives of a group of 16-20 year old friends who live in Bristol.
Contents |
[edit] Series 1
[edit] Tony [1.1]
- Tony Stonem: Alright, who's stupid enough to fuck Sid?
- Michelle Richardson: Cassie?
- Sid Jenkins: No, she's still in hospital.
- Michelle: No, they let her out; she's just not allowed to handle knives.
- Sid: [defeated] Alright, she'll do.
- Tony: Okay we'll have to get a lot of drugs. Tell you what: get an ounce. We can sell it at the party.
- Sid: I've got to get an ounce of spliff?
- Tony: Sure. There's this guy on Bradley Stoke who'll sell on tick; tell him you'll pay tommorow.
- Sid: Why don't you go?
- Tony: Can't. Got tai chi, then my choir audition, then psychology.
- Michelle: Cassie's great in the sack... as long as she's not hungry.
- Sid: Who says?
- Tony and Michelle: Everyone.
[edit] Cassie [1.2]
- Anwar Kharral: I'm praying to my God here, Cass.
- Cassie Ainsworth: Oh... wow... can he hear you?
- Anwar: I hope not, otherwise he'll know about all those pills I necked last night.
- Ms Stock: [on the phone to her daughter Abigail] Yes?... No... No, I don't care who's going, Abigail, you failed to comply with my wishes regarding parties and carpets were damaged!... Stop crying!... I am not an "expletive bitch", I am your mother! Have you taken your medication?... Well, take it now. Now!
- Tony: You stink.
- Sid: I didn’t have time.
- Tony: Time? I’ve been home, showered, done my Chi, had a wank, subtely undermined my dad, put new clothes on and here I am, with my English coursework.
- [Tony is drying his pants in the staff locker room]
- Angie: [walking out of the shower half-naked] Tony, this is a room for female staff...!
- Tony: Yeah, the dryer's broken in ours.
- Sid: [walking in] Oh, there you are. Jesus, we're in trouble. That crazy fucking dealer found us Tony—hi, Angie [Angie uses her hands to cover her breasts]—I mean, we gotta do something, you could talk to him... oh, fuck!
- Chris: [walking in] Aw, you wankers, that was well funny, man! I bet someone's going to have to apologise because Kenneth's crying now so he... [realises Angie is staring at him] Oh, Jesus Christ, that's Angie, Mary mother of God, that's Angie! Don't look, get out!
- Angie: For fuck's sake, fuck off! [after the boys leave] Ah, I still got it.
- Cassie: This guy from my group therapy’s got your ID card. He’s a crazy fuck and he hates you because you cheated him.
- Sid: What’s his name?
- Cassie: He likes to be called Mad.
- Sid: Twatter?
- Cassie: Yeah, totally.
- Sid: Oh, fuck.
[edit] Jal [1.3]
- [All the guys at the table are staring at Jal's breasts]
- Jal Fazer: [to Maxxie] You're gay!
- Maxxie Oliver: [enchanted] Yeah... [snaps back to normal] I mean, yeah.
- Jal: [to Anwar] You’re supposed to respect womens' bodies, Muslim boy!
- Anwar: I’m respecting. Believe me, I’m respecting.
- Jal's Father: [into a microphone, spoken word] I'm inspired—I'm offline, a renegade, disturbing the peace while I'm spitting a serenade. All this tension, miscomprehension. I'm informed and on the level that I might mention that when I scream it's just passion. I ain't angry at culture, I ain't angry at fashion. And I might sound spiteful if I feel shit's epidemic; I admit that some is soul and some is academic. I've been doing this forever, so why're you choosing now? Turning your face away is a punch in the gut—Pow! So swing a rhyme of time, like the daft sing of love, so keep your peace. 'Cause I've got kin, I've got skin to think of.
[edit] Chris [1.4]
- Chris: [attempting to return a stereo] Look, man, I bought it yesterday, and I remember you! Very good... face for memorising. So yeah, I bought it from you and you were chuffed to sell it.
- [The shop assistant opens the CD drawer]
- Shop assistant: There's a pop tart in the CD drawer.
[edit] Sid [1.5]
- Mark Jenkins: Did Tony fail this?
- Sid: No.
- Mark: No! Of course not! And why, why didn’t he fail it?
- Sid: He doesn't do history.
- Mark: Right!
- [Beat]
- Tony: Change. It's a wonderful thing. Look, you know how subatomic particles don't obey physical laws? They act according to chance, chaos, coincidence. They run into each other in the middle of the universe somewhere and bang! Energy! We're the same as that. That's the great thing about the universe: unpredictable. That's why it's so much fun.
- Cassie: I've been waiting. Where were you?
- Sid: I was out.
- Cassie: Who with?
- Sid: Michelle.
- Cassie: Michelle? Wow!
- Sid: Listen, Cass, I've had a bit of a bad nig-[is interrupted by Cassie]
- Cassie: Michelle's so lovely! [singsong] Michelle... my girl. [Rapidly] I love her, I love her, I love her! So hey, wow! Fuck you, Sid! [Sid tries to protest] Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! [Cassie shoots her toy water gun at Sid's face then breaks down in tears] I'm going home.
- [Sid tries to stop her from leaving so he can explain]
- Cassie: [kissing Sid] It's your choice, everything is your choice. [whispers] Wake up, Sid.
[edit] Maxxie and Anwar [1.6]
- Maxxie: Anwar's a fucking liar! Lies to his mum all the fucking time! No, no, no, fuck that. He makes me lie for him.
- Valentina: Who is Anwar?
- Maxxie: ... a friend.
- Valentina: Who is homo?
- Maxxie: Me! Anwar hates me 'cause I'm a fucking homo!
- Valentina: Anwar hate homo?
- Maxxie: Yeah.
- Valentina: Anwar is friend?
- Maxxie: Yeah.
- Valentina: So, Anwar is problem! No, Maxxie... Valentina help Maxxie?
- Maxxie: Yeah, yeah, thank you.
- Valentina: Maxxie help Valentina?
- Maxxie: Anwar’s decided to become a Muslim.
- Sid: What, like more Muslim than he was already?
- Maxxie: A bit more Muslim, yeah.
- Angie: I don’t have sex with my 17 year-old students!
- Chris Miles: How old are they normally?
- Sid: [to himself] Every time. Every fucking time. "Buy three ounces of weed, Sidney." Oh yes sir. "Shove a bag of pill up your ass, Sidney." Oh, right away. "Come help me save some random bint." Oh, could I? What have we learned, Sidney? Your friends are shitheads.
[edit] Michelle [1.7]
- [Chris has just seen Michelle act coldly to Tony and Tony getting slapped]
- Chris: Jesus, Sid, are you going to tell me what's going on? It's like a fucking episode of The O.C. in here!
- Maxxie: I got off with Tony on the Russia trip. I only did it 'cause I fell out with Anwar when he said he hated gays. So I got upset and Tony said he'd give me head to cheer me up, you know? And it didn't mean anything but I lost my head, then he gave me head, then we got deported from Russia and I'm really, really sorry for being a slut, okay?
[edit] Effy [1.8]
- [Sid and Tony are rushing to Effy's rescue]
- Sid: Hang on, you want to nick my dad’s car? Why can’t we nick your dad’s instead?
- Tony: Because Sid, my dad has central locking, sophisticated alarm system, and probably thinks a spell in prison would do me good. Whereas your dad has a 20 year-old car, neighborhood watch, and won’t prosecute.
[edit] Finale [1.9]
- Sid: Tony, you're my best friend. But I really don't know what the fuck you're on about most of the time.
- Tony: Just you and me, sis.
- Effy Stonem: Fucking wanker.
- Tony: Eff, what are you talking about?
- Effy: Michelle.
- Tony: I tried.
- Effy: No. Wanker.
- Tony: I said sorry!
- Effy: Wanker.
- Tony: Effy. I liked it better when you didn't talk.
- Effy: [pause] Wanker.
[edit] Series 2
[edit] Tony and Maxxie [2.1]
[edit] Sketch [2.2]
Teacher: Cheek and Tits....well!
[edit] Sid [2.3]
- Chris: Four months without sex that ain't funny. But you probably wouldn't understand that Jal.
- Jal: Huh?
- Chris: Well you don't have sex at all, do you? You have clarinet lessons.
[edit] Michelle [2.4]
- Anna Richardson: [taking a box marked "Fragile" from a delivery man] This one's mine.
- [The bottom of the box falls open and reveals several sex toys]
- Delivery man: Buggering hell!
- [Anna sighs and picks up a lemon-squeezer]
- Anna: This one's actually a lemon squeezer!
- Delivery man: Thank Christ for that...
[edit] Chris [2.5]
- Cassie: [psychotically, while cutting an apple with a carving knife] Chris and Jal... Jal and Chris... more couples! More and more couples! [staring at the knife] Have you ever been in love?
- Jal: I don't think so...
- Cassie: [smiling] Do you want me to describe it to you?
- Jal: [nervously] Okay...
- Cassie: Do you remember when you rode with me in the ambulance after I tried to kill myself?
- Jal: Of course.
- Cassie: That's what love feels like.
- [Cassie puts her knife down and looks at her apple. Jal hides the knife anxiously]
- Chris' boss: Can I have a word?
- [Chris acquiesces. Simultaneously, Chris' colleague Jon completes a sale and begins a loud and over-exaggerated celebration. The noise can be clearly heard in the manager's office]
- Chris' boss: It's just that, you've not sold anything yet. You've been here a while now.
- Chris: No, no, I understand.
- Chris' boss: If there's anything I can do to help...
- Chris: [referring to Jon] Muzzle, maybe?
- Chris' boss: [laughs, then adopts a serious manner] He does sell properties, son.
[edit] Tony [2.6]
- Professor: Who the fucking hell do you think you are?
- Tony: I'm a bad dream, mate. I'm you before you shrivelled and died. And I don't wanna go where you've been. So in answer to your earlier question, you should've given me a place here. I'd have been the best student you'd ever had.
[edit] Effy [2.7]
- Pandora: [stoned] Hi mum. No, I'm fine, I'm super duper fine! Yep, I'm with my friends and they're like so fucking amazing. Well, I guess I'm looking at Tony's cock, but he can't tell. See ya! [Tony looks more uncomfortable as she keeps on staring]
- Doorman: What do you think?
- Tony: [flicking through a book manuscript] Oh yes, excellent. But... [pauses while the doorman admits two girls into the nightclub]
- Doorman: But?
- Tony: The character arcs are immaculately achieved with a good degree of stylistic control. I especially like the doorman with superpowers; vaporising Reeboks? Very nice. [the doorman laughs] But you need to move the climatic development back, so the orgy scene comes before the disembowelling of the Elvic horde. See?
- [The doorman takes back the manuscript and flicks through it. He pauses for a second, then has an epiphany]
- Doorman: That's it! You've solved it! Oh, have a good one mate. [gives Tony a lollipop and admits him into the nightclub]
- Cassie: [acidly] What do you want, Sid?
- Sid: I want you to stop what you're doing, okay? You know: fucking around, fucking anything that moves. Just stop it!
- Cassie: You started it!
- Sid: I don't care, I don't care! You're cruel! I hate you!
- Cassie: I hate you right back. [evilly] Why don't you pop over to Michelle's and give her one? [mock surprise] Oh, another one!
- Sid: [annoyed] Just give it a fucking rest, okay? You know, it's you and me. You know that, and you're being stupid!
- Cassie: My turn!
- Sid: You went away! Why did you go away? You know, I needed you, and you pissed off! My dad said... he said you're special, but you're not! You're just slutting around like a spoilt kid!
- Cassie: [singsong] Michelle, Sid, Michelle!
- Sid: I don't love Michelle! I never loved Michelle, I love you, but you—[sits down and cries] God, where were you? Dad fucking died. [Cassie looks more concerned and guilty] I needed you. I mean, Michelle?.. We had great sex for three days and guilty sex for the rest. So what? I don't care! I did it. I hate you. [gets up to leave] Fine, fuck fifteen year olds. Whatever. I'm sick of saying sorry. I love you. You say sorry.
- Cassie: I didn't fuck [Effy's friend], Sid. His mum had sown his name into his trousers, and, well, he got a bit excited. And he squashed my slug. My slug called Sidley. So I threw him out.
- [Sid and Cassie kiss]
- [Effy is talking to her art teacher, Madame de Luca, about her GCSE coursework.]
- Effy: [Referring to her efforts in getting Tony and Michelle, and Sid and Cassie back together] It's finished.
- Madame de Luca: Oh? Splendid. And what emotion have you depicted?
- Effy: Anger. Jealousy. Bitterness. Tiredness. Hope. Lust. Love.
- Madame de Luca: A veritable feast. So, where is it?
- Effy: It's everywhere.
- Madame de Luca: My dear girl, I'm not sure I understand.
- Effy: It's conceptual. You just can't see it.
- Madame de Luca: You're saying you haven't done it.
- Effy: No. I'm saying you can't see it.
- Madame de Luca: Well, I'm not quite sure that's going to work for the Anglo-Welsh GCSE board now, is it?
- Effy: No. I guess they'll just have to expel me. [grins mischievously] Goodbye, Madame de Luca.
[edit] Jal [2.8]
[edit] Cassie [2.9]
- Cassie: [talking to Sid in her bedroom] I don't know why I am the way I am.
- Sid: It's alright.
- Cassie: No, it's not alright. Something makes me hate everything. Everything. [happily] That's what I like about you, Sid. You never try to explain things.
[edit] Final Goodbyes [2.10]
- Jal: I've been thinking about what Chris would have wanted me to say today. The advice he'd give me, which'd be something like, "Know what, babe? Fuck it. These guys know all about me. Tell them about someone else." So I thought I'd tell you about a hero of Chris's: a man called Captain Joe Kittinger. In 1960, climbing into a foil balloon, Captain Joe ascended 32 kilometres into the stratosphere. And then, armed only with a parachute, he jumped out. He fell for four minutes and thirty-six seconds, reaching seven hundred and forty miles per hour before opening his parachute five kilometres above the Earth. It had never been done before, and it's never been done since. He did it just because he could. And that's why Chris loved him; because the thing about Chris was, he said yes. He said yes to everything. He loved everyone. And he was the bravest boy— man—I knew. And that was—he flung himself out of a foil balloon every day. Because he could. Because he was. And that's why—and that's why we loved him.
- Sid: The three of us. Together again. And we've all seen each other naked. [Michelle laughs a bit then looks disgusted] Which is... nice.
- Sid: Where are we going, Ton?
- Tony: Oh... yeah. [hands Sid an envelope]
- Sid: What's this?
- Tony: Open it.
- [Sid opens the envelope to find his passport and a plane ticket]
- Sid: New York? Why would I want to go to New York?
- Tony: She's thin. She's blonde. She says [spacey] "wow!" a lot.
[edit] External links
- Skins quotes at the Internet Movie Database
