Stardust Memories

Stardust Memories (1980) is a film written and directed by Woody Allen which he considers this to be one of his best films.

Sandy Bates

• I took one course in existential philosophy at, uh, at New York University, and on, uh, on the final... they gave me ten questions, and, uh, I couldn't answer a single one of 'em. You know? I left 'em all blank... I got a hundred.

• You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.

• I don't know much about classic music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg tried on their wedding night.

• To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition.

• I'm a psychoanalyst. This is my pipe.

Dialogue

• Dorrie: That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden Proustian rush.
  Sandy Bates: Yeah? That's 'cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's-it's reduced. I got a vat of it.

• Fan : Can I talk to you about an idea for a film I have?
  Sandy Bates: This is not the place.
  Fan: Do you have a moment, please? It's a comedy based on that whole Guyana mass suicide.

• Sandy Bates: Shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?
  Voice of Martian: Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not Superman; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.

• Vivian Orkin: In this film, he played the part of God.
  Ghost of Sandy Bates: This was not easy, folks, because, uh, you know, I-I-I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and I don't have a good voice for God.
  Vivian Orkin: And he received an Academy Award for his convincing portrayal of God... although they had to use another actor's voice.

• Fan: My mother buys meat in the same butcher shop your mother does.
  Sandy Bates: Oh, great.
  Fan: Can I have your autograph?
  Sandy Bates: Oh, jeez.
  Fan: Could you just write: "To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch."

External links

• Stardust Memories quotes at the Internet Movie Database