SummerSlam

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SummerSlam is a WWE Pay Per View held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind WrestleMania. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at Madison Square Garden.

Contents

[edit] 1988

Sean Mooney: It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
Ultimate Warrior: Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said "make it to the Garden." Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

[edit] 1989

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]

Gene: Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- (the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)
Vince: Nice move.
Gene: Fuck it!
Tony: And the Warrior has gotten the early edge on Ravishing Rick Rude.
Jesse: And that means taking it to the floor. [Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it] Hitting him with the belt?! That should be a disqualfication! That's an automatic disqualfication!! Where is the referee?!
Tony: That's outside the ring Jesse. As much as it can be a countout.
Jesse: What?! Are you saying you can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even stupider than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon what the dumbest person alive.
Tony: Well Jesse Ventura, there is a force stronger than Zeus and it's Hulkamania!
Jesse: Yeah right Schiavone, It's called foreign object. Hogan had to use a foreign object to win the match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advicate, well they can just stick it!
Tony: (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the caulderon for you young lady.
Jesse: And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
Tony: (to Elizabeth) Well, there's a real woman for you Jesse.
Jesse: There's a gold digger.

[edit] 1990

Sean Mooney: Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the Texas Tornado to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
Perfect: To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely perfect does have its problems, because when you're a perfect Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
Mooney: Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
Bobby: Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and (laughing) maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
Perfect: Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
Perfect and Bobby: Nobody.
Mooney: Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
Jake "The Snake" Roberts: You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.
Ultimate Warrior: Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
Gene: No, what?
Ultimate Warrior: One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

[edit] 1991

Bobby: If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
Roddy: I'm not going to kill you for that remark boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
Bobby: I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!
Bobby: You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
Gorilla: Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.
Gorilla: Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
Bobby: You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
Gorilla: Will you be serious?!
Roddy: Stop it now Bobby!
Bobby: Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
Gorilla: Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
Bobby: All right then nail him!
Bobby: With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?
[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]
Bobby: Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. (knocks on Hogan's door) Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. (Hogan opens the door.) On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place (Hogan slams the door.) Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
Gorilla: Oh I love it!
Roddy: That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.
The Mountie: This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!
Bobby: We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. (The Mountie)
Roddy: Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. (The Big Boss Man)
Bobby: I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
Gorilla: Are you leaving again?
Bobby: Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
Gorilla: What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
Bobby: No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!
Bobby: Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
Roddy: Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
Bobby: I watched Police Story in Colombo.
Gorilla: I think he's speaking from personal experience.

[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]

The Mountie: You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
Photographer: So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt huh?
The Mountie: (looks up) What the?! (Photographer snaps the picture.) No!! You're not taking my pictures!

[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]

The Mountie: No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
Cop: Come on, give me your finger!
The Mountie: You want the finger?! (flips off the cop) Here's the finger! (They start fingerprinting the Mountie.) Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!
Sean: It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
Sgt. Slaughter: What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!
Roddy: I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
Bobby: You must really hate the man.
Roddy: I do!
Gorilla: I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
Bobby: Yes.
Gorilla: Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
Bobby: My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

[Inside the jail cell, a gay man confronts the Mountie.]

Gay man: Hi.
The Mountie: Oh my god!
Gay man: Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
The Mountie: LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

[edit] 1992

Vince: What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
Bobby: Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
Vince: Henry VIII would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
Bobby: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Bobby: I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
Vince: Would you please stop that?
Vince: All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
Bobby: You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.
Bobby: (on the foam fingers in the audience) I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
Vince: That was a different kind of salute.

[edit] 1993

Bobby: Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
Vince: And blue.
Bobby: But mostly yellow.
Vince: They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
Joe Fowler: How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
Shawn: Now all the questions are gonna be answered—who is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
Joe Fowler: Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
Shawn: I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
Diesel: That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
Irwin R. Schyster: Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
Bobby: (On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance) This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
Bobby: (To Vince McMahon) Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!

(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)

Vince: Cover him! It's over! He got him! (IRS kicks out) No he didn't.
Bobby: Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
Vince: Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
Bobby: You could call him stupid.
Bobby: Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
Vince: The what?
Bobby: The bicusbid.
Vince: What do you know about bicusbids?
Vince: You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
Bobby: Well, I have to, when I'm with...
Vince: Yeah right, when you're with what?
Bobby: Uh, nothing.
Bobby: He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
Bobby: Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
Bobby: Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
Vince: Could you care to repeat that please?
Bobby: Well... no.
Vince: I see.
Vince: (On Irwin R. Schyster) He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
Bobby: R.
Bobby: That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
Vince: (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
Bobby: (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret the hitman Hart.
Vince: Stop it Bobby Heenan!
Vince: Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
Bobby: No no no, he "urned" it!
Vince: (Referring to The Undertaker) The man in black!
Bobby: Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
Bobby: (On Harvey Wippleman) Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
Vince: Tell him what?
Bobby: Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
Vince: Yeah, sure...
Bobby: But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
Vince: It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possesion of Harvey Wippleman.
Bobby: Same thing!
Bobby: (On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez) Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
Bobby: Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! (Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer) He slipped, he lost his footing.
Bobby: (On Undertaker) He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!

[edit] 1997

Ken Shamrock: GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
...
Vince: Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock. You certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.
Jim Ross: King, have you ever wrestled the late Antonio Rocca in the sixties?
Michael Cole: Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
Steve Austin: Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
Michael Cole: Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight in front of thousands of people? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose. Thousands of people. A million people watching around the world on pay per view. Mr. Austin are you ready?
Steve Austin: You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none you piece of trash!
Vince: Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold too well.
Jerry Lawler: A man of few words. One of them is a-double-s.

[edit] 2002

Jim Ross: (After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match) I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! (Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving) My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
Jerry: Hurry, hurry, get the....
Jim Ross: He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. (EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks) This just makes me sick.
Jerry: Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
Jim Ross: How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! YOU SON OF A BITCH! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE!
Michael Cole: (after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship) "The Next Big Thing" has arrived!

[edit] 2009

Josh Matthews: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders & Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
CM Punk: I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. (Holds up a screenplay entitled "Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story") I had a friend in a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in this town. I'd go as far as to say that I'm the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to U.S. Weekly, US Weekly, or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the "hip, cool star", and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in Twilight, or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's cool, right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of "The Jeff Hardy Story". It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: new World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. [He spits on the screenplay, drops it, and walks away]
Todd Grisham: [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

[edit] 2010

The Miz: So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? (crowd cheers) Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on RAW Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staple Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. (crowd boos) The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWEs new hope -no I am WWEs only hope. (crowd boos) I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James' spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. (crowd boos) The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase. If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. (crowd boos) … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!
Michael Cole: [as the Miz enters] Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
John Cena: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day of SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
Michael Cole: What?
Jerry: Daniel Bryan?
Michael Cole: [as Bryan walks down the aisle] You've gotta be kidding me!
Jerry: Look at this, it's Daniel Bryan!
Michael Cole: This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
[Team WWE charges into the ring]
Matt Striker: Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

[edit] 2011

The Miz: Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]
Michael Cole: Now that was pretty rude.
R-Truth: Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... [Audience yells "WHAT?!"]...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. [WHAT?!] Don't "what" me! [What?!] And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. [WHAT?!] You know what else starts with the letter C? [WHAT?!] Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! [WHAT?!] Next time y'all "what" me...
[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a Ferrari California]
Lawler: This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on Sesame Street there for a minute.
Booker T: Wow, just in time.
Michael Cole: You're on a street paved with gold now.
John Laurinaitis: I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
CM Punk: [mockingly] I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
Laurinaitis: Executive Vice President.
CM Punk: Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]
Stephanie: I just came to wish you luck tonight.
CM Punk: [looking over his shoulders] You came here to wish me luck?
Stephanie: I did.
CM Punk: I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
Stephanie: Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
CM Punk: Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
Stephanie: [shrugging and extending her hand] Good luck.
CM Punk: I would, but I know where that hand's been.
R-Truth: There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
Jimmy Hart: You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
R-Truth: You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You gotta think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Not little.
R-Truth: Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
Jimmy: [scared] I'm not Little Jimmy.
R-Truth: You smell like Little Jimmy!
Jimmy: I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
R-Truth: You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
Jimmy: No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
R-Truth: Where's Little Jimmy at?!
Jimmy: [running away] I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
R-Truth: Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. [Turns to his right] What y'all lookin' at?!
[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]
Diamond: [to Ron] And they say you need counseling?
Ron Artest: It's okay.
Jerry: [on Daniel Bryan] I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
Michael Cole: You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
Jerry: What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
Michael Cole: Yeah, quit.
Edge: As most of you probably know, [to Christian] as you know, [to random fans] as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. [Audience boos] Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.
Michael Cole: Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.
Michael Cole: [as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion] What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. [Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
Booker T: What the hell?
Michael Cole: Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]
Booker T: You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
Michael Cole: What is he doing here?! [Nash powerbombs Punk] Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! [Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase] Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
Booker T: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
Michael Cole: ...with a referee in tow!
Booker T: Timing is everything!
[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]
Michael Cole: Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
Jerry: [the bell rings] Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
Michael Cole: CM Punk...
Booker T: I don't believe this.
Michael Cole: ...taken out by Nash! [Del Rio kicks Punk in the head] Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! [The ref counts to three] Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
Justin Roberts: The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
Jerry: [as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title] This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
Michael Cole: Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
Booker T: What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
Jerry: But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
Michael Cole: Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
Jerry: As we are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
Michael Cole: He is! He is!
Booker T: Did you say "think"? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
Michael Cole: Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
Jerry: But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

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