Main Character Quotes 
Rick Riker/Dragonfly 
- I'm looking seriously over the city...in a squatting position.
- I met a guy at Craigslist.
- My parents were brutally murdered.
- I...I guess so.
- Those are Celine Dion lyrics!
- If I hadn't pushed her out of the way she would have die...aaaaaaah!
- Oh, shit.
- I realize, we can never be together.
- I think I have...superpowers!
Lou Landers/Hourglass 
- Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.
- We have to go.
- I just shit my pants.
- I met a girl at Craigslist.
- No, crazy is hearin' voices, talkin' to cats, datin' Paula Abdul. I am not crazy; I...am a visionary!
- Are you frickin' insane?!
- But, otherwise okay?
- Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!
Uncle Albert 
- With great power comes hot bitches.
- Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.
- You did surgery on me?
- I can't breathe; you're kneelin' on my balls!
- And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina!
- Don't forget about the bitches.
Major Character Quotes 
Lance Landers 
- Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit!
- I'll drive.
Chief Karlin 
- The lady was badly hurt.
[Interviewer]: How was she hurt?
Stephen Hawking 
- That's a lie. I think of suicide every single day.
- Hey anyone want to get high? I have some hash with me. White guy in the dreads, you know what I am talking about? Can I get a what-what? Holla! I've got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. Anyone? Anyone? Pussi
Dr. Storm 
- Take it out, with another piece of glass!
- I'll get the tweezers.
Dr. Whitby 
- No, it's not your dead wife.
- Yes, you see, we confused you with one of our sex-change patients, but don't worry, we didn't remove your penis. We did, however, cut off your testicles, but since your wife's dead, you won't be needin' 'em!
- She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels
*[Rick] That's terrible!
- I know. I went ahead and set up a myspace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick look at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends
- Yes I know...(while fainting)
Professor Xavier 
- How do I know that baby's even mine?!
- Squatting on a glass table...two girls...one cup...you know what to do!
- We have people who can walk through walls. And we have people who think they can walk through walls!
Minor Character Quotes 
Mrs. Xavier 
- Because he can do this!
- Make a costume, shit-head! I swear, they're gettin' dumber and dumber every year!
- How's that feel, Invisi-Bitch?!
Human Torch 
- Dude, you're on my gargoyle.
- What are you doing?
- Get a blanket or something.
- Holy Shit.
- Get the fire extinguisher.
- Aah stop you idiot.
Unnamed Character Quotes 
- How was she hurt?
Mental Hospital Patient 
- I'm the editor-in-chief! I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future!
The Editor-in-Chief 
- Sorry about that, we share the building with a mental hospital!
Other Quotes 
- Mr. Landers has just*(clapping)