Supernatural (TV series)

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Supernatural (2005–) is a paranormal/horror/thriller/drama-themed television series on the WB Television Network (now merged with UPN into the new network The CW) that details the lives of two brothers who travel across the country in a black 1967 Chevy Impala investigating paranormal events and other unexplained occurrences.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.1][edit]

Sam: I swore I was done hunting for good.
Dean: Come on, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad.
Sam: Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45.
Dean: Well, what was he supposed to do?
Sam: I was nine years old. He was supposed to say, "Don't be afraid of the dark."
Dean: Don't be afraid of the dark? What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what's out there!

Sam: I swear, man, you gotta update your cassette tape collection.
Dean: Why?
Sam: Well, for one, they're cassette tapes. And two: Black Sabbath, Motörhead, Metallica?! It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Dean: House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
Sam: You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. It's Sam, okay?
Dean: Sorry, can't hear you. The music's too loud.

Sam: Hey, Dean. What I said earlier, about Mom and Dad, I'm sorry.
Dean: [holds up hand to stop Sam] No chick flick moments.
Sam: Alright...jerk.
Dean: Bitch.

Sheriff Pierce: So you want to give us your real name?
Dean: I told you, it's Nugent. Ted Nugent.
Sheriff Pierce: I'm not sure you realize just how much trouble you're in here.
Dean: We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... "squeal like a pig" kind of trouble?

Dean: You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are.
Sam: And who is that?
Dean: One of us.

Wendigo [1.2][edit]

Sam: We cannot let that Hailey girl go out there.
Dean: Oh yeah? What are we gonna tell her? That she can't go into the woods because of a big scary monster?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Her brother's missing, Sam. She's not just gonna sit this out. Now we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator-friend.
Sam: Finding Dad's not enough? [slams trunk] Now we gotta babysit too?

Hailey: And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans?
Dean: Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.

Dean: You wanna tell me what's goin' on in that freaky head of yours?
Sam: Dean...
Dean: No, you're not fine, you're like a powder keg, man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?

Dean: This is why. [Holds up their dad's journal] This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off, you know, saving people, hunting things. The family business.
Sam: That makes no sense. Why, why doesn't he just call us? Why doesn't he tell us what he wants; tell us where he is?
Dean: I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad's given us a job to do and I intend to do it.
Sam: Dean, no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about.
Dean: Ok, alright, Sam, we'll find them, I promise. Listen to me. You've gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul, it's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man.
Sam: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?
Dean: Well, for one... them. [Looks over at Hailey and her brother] I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell; maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little more bearable. I'll tell you what else helps: Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can.

Hailey: Must you cheapen the moment?
Dean: Yeah.

Dead In The Water [1.3][edit]

Andrea: [Looking at Dean] Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.

Sam: “Kids are the best”? You don't even like kids.
Dean: I love kids.
Sam: Name three children that you even know.
[Dean thinks and Sam begins to walk away. Dean scratches his head]
Dean: I'm thinking!

Dean: So crayons is more your thing? That's cool. Chicks dig artists. Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if I sit and draw with you for a while? I'm not so bad myself. You know, I think you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something...anyway...well, maybe you don't think anyone will listen to you, or uh...or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything, you could draw me a picture about what you saw that day with your dad on the lake.
Lucas: [continues drawing]
Dean: Okay, no problem. This is for you [Hands Lucas the picture he drew] This is my family. [Points to the people he drew] That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me. Alright, so I'm a sucky artist. I'll see you around, Lucas.

Dean: You're scared. It's okay, I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom - I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe...your dad wants you to be brave, too.

[Dean puts a box of sandwiches in the car.]
Dean: All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time.
Lucas: Zeppelin rules!
Dean: That's right. Up high. [Holds his hand up for a high-5] You take care of your mom, okay?
Lucas: All right.
Andrea: [Kisses Dean] Thank you.
Dean: [Embarrassed] Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road.

Phantom Traveler [1.4][edit]

Sam: So what, all of this never keeps you up at night? [Dean shakes his head] Never. You're never afraid? [Dean shakes his head again]
Dean: No, not really. [Sam reaches under Dean's pillow and pulls out a knife] That's not fear. That is precaution.
Sam: Ah, whatever. I'm too tired to argue.

Sam: Yeah, I know what an EMF Meter is, but why does that one look like a busted up walkman?
Dean: [proudly] Cause that's what I made it out of. It's homemade.
Sam: [sarcastically] Yeah, I can see that.
[Dean looks hurt]

Sam: Alright it's time for plan B. We're getting on that plane.
Dean: Wha… what? Hang on a second—
Sam: Dean, that plane is leaving with over a hundred passengers on board, and if we're right, that plane is gonna crash.
Dean: I know.
Sam: Well, okay. We need to get on the plane, we need to find that demon and exorcise it. Look, I'll get the tickets and you just go get whatever you can from the trunk, whatever will get past security, and meet me back here in five minutes. [Dean looks shocked] You okay?
Dean: No, not really.
Sam: What? What's wrong?
Dean: Well, I kinda have this problem with, um... [makes the movement of plane taking off with his hands]
Sam: Flying?
Dean: It's never really been an issue until now.
Sam: You're joking, right?!
Dean: Do I look like I'm joking? Why do you think I drive everywhere, Sam?
Sam: Alright, uhh… I'll go.
Dean: What?!
Sam: I'll do this one on my own.
Dean: Are you nuts? You said it yourself, that plane's gonna crash.
Sam: Look, Dean, we can do it together, I can do this one by myself. I'm not seeing a third option here.
Dean: Come on! Really? Man...

Sam: Are you humming Metallica?
Dean: Calms me down.
Sam: Look man, I get you're nervous alright, but you gotta stay focused.

Sam: What if she's already possessed?
Dean: There's ways to test that. I brought holy water.
Sam: No, I think we can go more subtle. If she's possessed she'll flinch at the name of God.
Dean: Uhh, nice [stands up]
Sam: Hey!
Dean: What?
Sam: Say it in Latin.
Dean: Yeah, I know [Begins to leave]
Sam: Hey!
Dean: What?!
Sam: Uhh... In Latin, it's Christo.
Dean: Dude, I know, I'm not an idiot.

Bloody Mary [1.5][edit]

Sam: Hey, night vision? [Sam looks at Dean through the digital camera's night vision]
Dean: Do I look like Paris Hilton?

Dean: Alright, you know what? That's it! [pulls car over and turns to face Sam] This is about Jessica, isn't it? [Sam says nothing] You think that's your dirty little secret? That you killed her somehow? [Sam is silent] Sam, this has got to stop, man. I mean the nightmares and... and calling her name out in the middle of the night. It's gonna kill you. Now listen to me, it wasn't your fault. If you want to blame something, then blame the thing that killed her. [still no response from Sam] Alright, why don't you take a swing at me? I'm the one who dragged you away from her in the first place.
Sam: I don't blame you.
Dean: Well, you shouldn't blame yourself, 'cause there was nothing you could've done.
Sam: I could have warned her.
Dean: About what? You didn't know it was gonna happen. Besides, all of this isn't a secret. I know all about it. It's not gonna work with Mary anyway.
Sam: No you don't.
Dean: I don't what?
Sam: You don't know all about it. I haven't told you everything.
Dean: [looks slightly confused] What are you talking about?
Sam: Well, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you, would it?
Dean: [shocked] No... I don't like it. It's not gonna happen. Forget it.
Sam: Dean, that girl back there is going to die unless we do something about it. And you know what? Who knows how many people are going to die after that? Now, we're doing this. You've got to let me do this.

Dean: [after surveying the room with all the broken mirrors] Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: This has gotta be like, what, 600 years bad luck?

Sam: Charlie? [Charlie turns around] Your boyfriend's death. You really should try to forgive yourself. No matter what you did, you probably couldn't have stopped him. Sometimes bad things just happen. [Charlie acknowledges and leaves]
Dean: [taps Sam on the shoulder and he turns around] That's good advice.

Dean: Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Now that this is all over, I want you to tell me what that secret was.
Sam: Look, you're my brother. And I'd die for you. But there are some things I need to keep to myself.

Skin [1.6][edit]

Dean: ...then head south, Bisbee by midnight. [seeing no reaction from Sam] Sam wears women's underwear.

Dean: I hate to say it, but that's exactly what I'm talking about. You lied to your friends because if they knew the real you, they'd be freaked. It's just... It'll be easier if...
Sam: ...I was like you.
Dean: Hey man, like it or not we're not like other people. But I'll tell you one thing. This whole gig... [takes out gun] it ain't without perks.

Shapeshifter as Dean: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. [He backs away.]
Sam: What are you talkin’ about?
Shapeshifter as Dean: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass.

Dean: That better be you Sam and not that freak of nature.
Sam: Yeah, it's me. He went to Becca's house... Looking like you.
Dean: Well he's not stupid, he picked the handsome one.

Dean: Sorry man.
Sam: About what?
Dean: I really wish things could be different you know? I wish you could just be... Joe College.
Sam: Nah, it's ok. You know, the truth is even at Stanford, deep down I never really fit in.
Dean: Well that's 'cause you're a freak.
Sam: Yeah, thanks.
Dean: Well, I'm a freak too. I'm right there with you... All the way.
Sam: [chuckles] Yeah, I know you are.

Hook Man [1.7][edit]

Dean: Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
Sam: Bite me.

Dean: I told him you were a dumbass pledge and that we were hazing you.
Sam: What about the shotgun?
Dean: I said that you were hunting ghosts and spirits were repelled by rock salt. You know, typical Hell Week prank.
Sam: And he believed you?
Dean: Well you look like a dumbass pledge.

[at a frat party.]
Dean: Man, you've been holding out on me, this college thing is awesome!
Sam: This wasn't really my experience.
Dean: Let me guess - libraries, studying, straight A's.
[Sam nods.]
Dean: What a geek.

[preparing to search.]
Dean: Alright, take your pick.
Sam: I'll take the house.
Dean: Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.

Dean: [digging up Karn]That's it! Next time, I get to watch the cute girl's house.
Lori: Oh God! Too Martha Stewart?
Taylor: Here! Wear this!
Lori: Um...I don't know if this is really "me"
Taylor: Lori! There's a hot chick buried in there somewhere! Damn girl! He's not gonna know what hit him!
Lori: Ok! That's probably him! So I'm gonna go downstairs!
Taylor: Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Lori: There's nothing you wouldn't do!
Taylor: It's true!

Bugs [1.8][edit]

Dean: Hunting's our day job. And the pay is crap.
Sam: Yeah, but hustling pool, credit card scams... It's not the most honest thing in the world, Dean.
Dean: Well let's see. Honest... fun and easy. [pause] It's no contest. Besides, we're good at it, it's what we were raised to do.
Sam: Yeah, well, how we were raised was jacked.

Sam: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.
Dean: Huh? [confused]
Sam: Human Mad Cow Disease.
Dean: Mad Cow.... wasn't that on Oprah?
Sam: You watch Oprah?
[Dean looks embarrassed.]

Larry: Let me just say. We accept home owners of any race, religion, color or... sexual orientation.
Dean: We're brothers.
[later, another agent approaches the Winchesters]
Real Estate Agent: We accept home owners of all race, religion, color, or... sexual orientation.
Dean: Right. Um, I'm going to go talk to Larry. Okay, Honey? [smacks Sam on the butt]

Sam: I respected him. But no matter what I did, it was never good enough.
Dean: So what are you saying? That Dad was disappointed in you?
Sam: Was? Is... and always has been.
Dean: Why would you think that?
Sam: Because I didn't want to bow hunt...or hunt spirits because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which in our whacked out family made me the freak.
Dean: You know, you're kinda like that blonde chick in The Munsters
Sam: Dean, you know what most dads are when their kids score a full ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house.
Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases comin’ out of your mouth.
Sam: You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad… I don’t know if he’s even gonna wanna see me.
Dean: Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you. Never. He was scared.
Sam: What are you talkin’ about?
Dean: He was afraid of what could’ve happened to you if he wasn’t around. But even when you two weren’t talkin’…he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could. Keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: Why didn’t you tell me any of that?
Dean: Well, it’s a two-way street, dude. You could’ve picked up the phone.

Sam: Joe White Tree? [The man nods.] We’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s all right.
Dean: We’re students from the university.
Joe: No, you’re not. You’re lying. [Dean seems taken aback.]
Dean: Well, truth is—
Joe: You know who starts sentence with “truth is”? Liars. [Dean exchanges a look with Sam.]
Sam: Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It’s a housing development near the Atoka Valley.
Joe: [to Dean] I like him. He’s not a liar.

Home [1.9][edit]

Dean: [to his Dad's voicemail] Dad, I know I've left messages before. I don't even know if you get 'em. But I'm with Sam and we're in Lawrence and there's something in our old house. I don't know if it's the thing that killed Mom or not... but... [tears up] I don't know what to do. So whatever you're doing, if you could get here...please. I need your help, Dad.

Missouri: Don't worry about a thing, your wife's crazy about you. [client leaves] Whoo, poor bastard. His woman is cold-banging the gardener.
Dean: Why didn't you tell him?
Missouri: People don't come here for the truth, they come for good news.

Missouri: Sam, oh honey. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. And your father... he's missing.
Sam: How'd you know all that?
Missouri: Well, you were just thinking it, just now.
Dean: Where is he? Is he okay?
Missouri: I don't know.
Dean: Don't know? You're supposed to be a psychic, right?
Missouri: Boy, you see me sawing some bony tramp in half?! You think I'm a magician?! I may be able to read thoughts and sense energies in a room but I can't pull facts out of thin air.

Dean: Mom?
Mary: Dean. Sam. I'm sorry.
Sam: For what?
Mary: [to poltergeist] You get out of my house. And let go of my son.

Missouri: That boy… he has such powerful abilities. But why he couldn’t sense his own father, I have no idea.
John: Mary’s spirit –- do you really think she saved the boys?
Missouri: I do. John Winchester, I could just slap you. Why won’t you go talk to your children?
John: I want to. You have no idea how much I wanna see ‘em. But I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know the truth!
Missouri: Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you woth a spoon!
Dean: I didn't do anything!
Missouri: You were thinking about it!

Asylum [1.10][edit]

Dean: Hey Sam, who do you think is a hotter psychic? Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?

Dean: Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel.

Kat: Hey, Gavin?
Gavin: Yeah?
Kat: If we make it out of here alive, we are so breaking up.

Dean: Sam, put the gun down
Sam: [possessed] Is that an order?
Dean: No, just a friendly request.

Dean: Really? You really hate me that much. Well, here. [hands Sam his pistol] This'll do the job a lot better than rock salt. Go on, Sam, pull the trigger. Shoot me! DO IT!
[Sam pulls the trigger, and it clicks on empty. Dean lunges at him, gets the gun away, and knocks him unconscious.]
Dean: Dude, I'm not gonna give you a loaded gun.

Dean: When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.

[Sam has woken up after Dean has burned Ellicott's bones.]
Dean: You're not gonna try to kill me, are you?
Sam: No.
Dean: Good. 'Cause that would be awkward.

Scarecrow [1.11][edit]

Sam: Dean, if this demon killed Mom and Jess, and Dad’s closing in, we’ve gotta be there. We’ve gotta help.
Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help!
Sam: I don’t care.
Dean: He’s given us an order.
Sam: [firmly] I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.
Dean: Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it’s important.
Sam: Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge.
Dean: All right, look, I know how you feel.
Sam: Do you? [Dean seems shocked at Sam’s tone] How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?
Dean: Dad said it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.
Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.
Dean: Yeah, it’s called being a good son!
[Sam gets out of the car and starts getting his stuff out of the trunk]
Dean: You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don't care what anybody thinks.
Sam: That's what you really think?
Dean: Yes, it is.
Sam: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.
Dean: Come on, you’re not serious.
Sam: I am serious.
Dean: It’s the middle of the night! Hey, I’m taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?
Sam: That’s what I want you to do.
Dean: Goodbye, Sam.

Sam: The scarecrow crawled off its cross?
Dean: I'm telling you, Burkitsville, Indiana – Fun Town.

Dean: I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!
Emily: So what's the plan?
Dean: I'm working on it.
[several hours later.]
Emily: You don't have a plan, do you?
Dean: I'm working on it...

Dean: How'd you get here?
Sam: I stole a car.
Dean: That's my boy!

Dean: Should I drop you off somewhere?
Sam: No, I think you're stuck with me.
Dean: What made you change your mind?
Sam: I didn't. I still want to find Dad...And you're still a pain in the ass. But Jess and Mom...they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We're all that's left. So, uh, if we're gonna see this through...we're gonna do it together.
Dean: Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Sam: You should be kissing my ass - you were dead meat back there.
Dean: Yeah right. I had a plan - I'd have gotten out.
Sam: Right.

Faith [1.12][edit]

Dean: Have you ever watched daytime TV? It's terrible.
Sam: (sighs) I talked to your doctor.
Dean: That fabric softener teddy bear. Oooh! I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.
Sam: Dean.
Dean: Yeah, alright. Well, it looks like you're going to leave town without me.
Sam: What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you here.
Dean: Hey, you better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass.
Sam: I don't think that's funny.
Dean: Ah, come on. It's a little funny. (pause) Look Sammy, what can I say, man? It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story.
Sam: Don't talk like that, alright. We still have options.
Dean: What options? You got burial or cremation. I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die and you can't stop it.
Sam: Watch me.

Dean: I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

Dean: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?
Roy: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest.
Dean: What did you see in my heart?
Roy: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn’t finished.

Dean: Layla. I'm not much the prayin' type, but... I'm gonna pray for you.
Layla: Well, there's a miracle right there.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace are you?
Sam: I'm not gonna let you die period! We're going!

Route 666 [1.13][edit]

Sam: You TOLD her?! The big family secret? Rule number one - we do what we do and shut our mouths about it? For a year and a half I do nothing but lie to Jessica and you go out with this chick in Ohio a couple of times and you tell her everything? [Dean is silent] DEAN!
Dean: Yeah! Looks like...

Sam: And you think this vanishing truck ran him off the road?
Cassie: [embarrassed] Oh, when you say it aloud like that... Listen, I’m a little skeptical about this…ghost stuff, or whatever it is you guys are into.
Dean: [chuckling] Skeptical. Yeah, if I remember, I think you said it was nuts.

Sam: Oh, and you might also want to mention that other thing.
Dean: What other thing?
Sam: The serious unfinished business. Dean, what is going on between you two?
Dean: Alright, so maybe we were a little bit more involved than I said.
Sam: Oh, OK. Yeah.
Dean: Okay, a lot more. Maybe. And I told her the secret about what we do, and I shouldn’t have.
Sam: No, look, man, everybody’s gotta open up to someone, sometime.
Dean: Yeah, I don’t. It was stupid to get that close, and look how it ended. Would you stop? Blink or something.
Sam: You loved her.
Dean: Oh, God.
Sam: You were in love with her, but you dumped her. Oh, wow. She dumped you.
Dean: Get in the car.

Sam: Dean, where are you?
Dean: I'm in the middle of nowhere with a killer truck up my ass!

Dean: So I guess I saved you from a boring existence!
Sam: Occasionally I miss boring!
Dean: So this killer truck...
Sam: I miss conversations that didn't start with "this killer truck"
Dean: Maybe? Maybe! What if you were wrong?
Sam: Huh. Honestly, that thought hadn't occurred to me!
Dean: (mocking Sam) "It honestly didn't occur to me?" (hangs up he phone) I'm gonna kill him!
Sam: You mean you dated someone? For more than one night?
Dean: Am I speaking a language you're not getting here?
Dean: Don't leave the house.
Cassie: Don't go getting all authoritative on me, I hate it.
Dean: Don't leave the house, please?

Nightmare [1.14][edit]

Sam: Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: Both our families are cursed.
Dean: Our family's not cursed. We just... had our dark spots.
Sam: [chuckles] Our dark spots are pretty dark.
Dean: You're...dark.

Sam: We’re not gonna kill Max.
Dean: Then what? I hand him over to the cops and say, “Lock him up, officer, he kills with the power of his mind.”

Sam: Well, I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad.
Dean: I never thought I'd hear you say that.
Sam: Well, he could’ve gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon-hunting, and we would’ve had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay—thanks to him.
Dean: All things considered.

Sam: Aren’t you worried, man, aren’t you worried that I could turn into Max or something?
Dean: Nope. No way. You know why?
Sam: No. Why?
Dean: ‘Cause you’ve got one advantage that Max didn’t have.
Sam: Dad? Because Dad’s not here, Dean.
Dean: No. Me. (He smiles.) As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.

Dean: I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we have to go.
Sam: Where?
Dean: Vegas. [Sam ‘harrumphs' and walks out] What? Come on man! Craps table? We'd clean up!

The Benders [1.15][edit]

Deputy Kathleen: So, Gregory.
Dean: Yeah.
Deputy Kathleen: I ran your badge number. It's routine when we're working on a case with State Police, for accounting purposes and what have you.
Dean: Mmhmm.
Deputy Kathleen: And, uh, they just got back to me... says here your badge was stolen. And there's a picture of you. :[turns the screen towards Dean, on which there is a picture of a portly, African-American police officer. There is a long silence]:
Dean: I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...

Pa Bender: But the best hunt is human. Oh, there's nothin' like it. Holdin' their life in your hands. Seein' the fear in their eyes just before they go dark. Makes you feel powerful alive.
Dean: You're one sick puppy.

Pa Bender: Tell me, any other cops gonna come lookin' for you?
Dean: Eat me. Oh no no no wait wait wait, you actually might.

Dean: Don't ever do that again.
Sam: Do what?
Dean: Go missing like that.
Sam: You were worried about me!
Dean: I'm just saying, you vanish like that again and I'm not looking for you.
Sam: Sure you won't.
Dean: No I'm not.
Sam: So you got sidelined by a 13-year old girl?
Dean: Shut up.
Sam: I'm just saying, getting a little rusty there aren't you, kiddo?
Dean: Shut up!

Pa Bender: You hurt my family, I'm gonna bleed you, bitch.
Deputy Kathleen: You killed my brother.
Pa Bender: Your brother. [laughs] Now I see.
Deputy Kathleen: Just tell me why.
Pa Bender: Because it's fun. [laughs again]
[Deputy Kathleen shoots him]

Shadow [1.16][edit]

Dean: I talked to the bartender.
Sam: Did you get anything...besides her number?
Dean: Dude, I'm a professional. I'm offended that you would think that (smiles and chuckles as he displays a napkin with her phone number)...All right.
Sam: You mind doing a little thinking with your upstairs brain, Dean?

Sam: I'm just saying, there's something about this girl I can't quite put my finger on.
Dean: But I bet you'd like to. Maybe she's not a suspect, maybe...maybe you've got a thing for her. Maybe you're thinking a little too much with your upstairs brain.

Dean: What are you gonna do?
Sam: I'm gonna watch Meg.
Dean: [laughing] Yeah, you are.
Sam: I just wanna see what's what. Better safe than sorry.
Dean: All right, you little pervert.
Sam: Dude.
Dean: I’m goin’, I’m goin’.

Dean: You wanna go back to school?
Sam: Yeah, once we’re done huntin’ the thing.
Dean: Huh.
Sam: Why, is there somethin’ wrong with that?
Dean: No. No, it’s, uh, great. Good for you.
Sam: I mean, what are you gonna do when it’s all over?
Dean: It’s never gonna be over. There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be somethin’ to hunt.
Sam: But there’s got to be somethin’ that you want for yourself—
Dean: Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam.
Sam: Dude, what’s your problem?
Dean: Why do you think I drag you everywhere? Huh? I mean, why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place?
Sam: ‘Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom.
Dean: Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. You, me, Dad. I want us to be together again. To be a family again.
Sam: Dean. We are a family. I'd do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before.
Dean: Could be.
Sam: I don't want them to be. I'm not going to live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you're gonna have to let me go my own way.
[Dean looks sad]

Dean: Hey, Sam…?
Sam: Hmm?
Dean: Next time you want to get laid…find a girl that's not so buckets of crazy, huh?

Hell House [1.17][edit]

Dean: What's the matter, You afraid you gonna get a little Nair in your shampoo again, huh?
Sam: All right. Just remember you started it.
Dean: Oh, bring it on, baldy.

Sam: And after his time, too. The reversed cross has been used by Satanists for centuries, but this sigil of sulfur didn’t show up in San Francisco until the sixties. [Dean looks at him strangely]
Dean: This is exactly why you never get laid.

Ed: This stuff right here—this is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls, okay? Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
Harry: What would Buffy do? I don't know, but, Ed, she’s stronger than me.

[Sam and Dean walk up to Hell House, noticing an ambulance and police cars parked around it]
Dean: What happened?
Men: Couple of cops say that poor girl hung herself in the house.
Sam: Suicide?
Man: Yeah. But she was a straight-A student. And a full ride to UT, too. It just don't make sense. [walks off]
Sam: What are you thinkin'?
Dean: I'm thinkin' we missed something.

[after Ed and Harry leave, explaining that they have to meet a producer for rights to a movie]
Dean: [laughing] Wow.
Sam: I have a confession to make. I'm the one who called them up and told them I was a producer. [both laugh]
Dean: Well, I'm the one who put the dead fish in their back seat.
[Both laugh]
Sam: Truce?
Dean: Yeah, truce... at least for the next hundred miles.

Something Wicked [1.18][edit]

Dean: Well, maybe he's [their father] gonna meet us there.
Sam: [scoffs] Yeah, cause he's been so easy to find at this point.
Dean: You're a real smart ass, you know that? [pauses] Don't worry, I'm sure there's something in Fitchberg worth killing.
Sam: Yeah? what makes you so sure?
Dean: Because I'm the oldest... which means I'm always right.
Sam: No, it doesn't.
Dean: Yeah, it totally does.

Sam: I'm surprised you didn't draw on him right there.
Dean: Yeah, well, first of all, I wasn't gonna open fire at a freakin' pediatrics ward.
Sam: Good call.
Dean: Second, it wouldn't have done any good cause the bastard's bullet-proof unless he's chowing down on something, and third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a good thing, 'cause I probably would have just burned a clip in him just out of principle alone.
Sam: Getting wise in your old age, Dean.

Dean: Well, we'll be right in the next room. We're gonna come in with guns, so as soon as we do, you roll off this bed and crawl under it.
Michael: What if you shoot me?
Dean: [shakes head] We won't shoot you. We're good shots. We're not gonna fire until you're clear, okay?
[Michael nods]
Dean: Have you ever heard a gunshot before?
Michael: Like in the movies?
Dean: This is gonna be a lot louder than in movies so I want you to stay under the bed, cover your ears. Do not come out till we say so, you understand?

Sam: Hey, Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: [looks confused] For what?
Sam: You know. I know I've given you a lot of crap for always following Dad's orders. But I know why you do it.
Dean: Oh God... kill me now.

Sam: It's too bad.
Dean: No, they'll be fine.
Sam: It's not what I meant. I meant Michael. [pauses] He'll always know that there are things out there in the dark. He'll never be the same. You know... [pauses again] sometimes I wish that... [trails off]
Dean: What?
Sam: I wish I could have that kind of innocence.
Dean: [pauses] Well if it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too.

Provenance [1.19][edit]

Dean: [about Sarah] Alright, you like her; she likes you. You're both consenting adults.
Sam: What's the point Dean? We'll just leave. We always leave.
Dean: Well, I'm not talking about marriage, Sam.
Sam: You know what, I don't get it. What do you care if I hook up?
Dean: 'Cause then maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time.

Dean: You know, seriously, Sam, this isn't just about hooking up, okay? I mean, I, I think that this Sarah girl could be good for you. And I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm—I'm sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that, but I would think that she would want you to be happy; God forbid, have fun one in awhile. Wouldn't she?
Sam: Yeah, I know she would. Yeah, you're right - part of this is about Jessica, but not the main part.
Dean: What's it about? [Sam is silent] Yeah, alright.

Sam: Sarah, you saw that painting move.
Sarah: No...no... I, I was seeing things. It's impossible
Dean: Yeah, well, welcome to our world

Sarah: Is there something here between us, or am I delusional?
Sam: You're not delusional.
Sarah: But, there's a but coming.
Sam: But, I don't think this is a good idea.
Sarah: Can I ask why?
Sam: 'Cause I like you.
Sarah: Wait... you lost me.
[both laugh]

Sarah: So, why did the girl do it?
Sam: Killing others, killing herself. Some people are just born tortured. So when they die, their spirits are just as dark.
Dean: [on cell] How're we gonna waste her?
Sam: I dunno, she was already cremated, there's nothin' left to burn.
Dean: Well then how's she still around?
Sam: There must be somethin' else.
Sarah: Sam wait! We used to handle antique dolls at the auction.
Sam: Well that's fascinating Sarah, but important right now?
Sarah: Well back then, they used to make the dolls in the kid's image, I mean everything, like they, they would use the kid's real hair!
Sam: Dean? Sarah says the doll might have the girl's real hair. Human remains, same as bones.
Sam Winchester/Dean: The mausoleum!
Sam: What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
Sarah: Um...Sam? You're the expert on all this "ghost stuff"! Should the painting look like that? Where's the little girl?
Sam: And the razor...Dean!
Dean: Sam? (calls him)
Sam: (answers the phone) Hey!
Dean: Please tell me you slammed the front door!
Sam: No I think it's the little girl!
Dean: Little girl? What little girl?
Sam: The girl from the painting! I think it was her all along!
Dean: Wasn't the dad looking down at her? Well maybe he was trying to warn us!
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Lets re-cap later!
Sarah: Sam?!?!?!

Dead Man's Blood [1.20][edit]

Dean: "Vampires nest in groups of eight to ten, smaller packs are sent out to hunt for food. Victims are taken to the nest, where the pack keeps them alive, bleeding them for days or weeks." Wonder if that's what happened to that 911 couple.
Sam: That's probably what dad's thinking. [sullenly] 'Course, it'd be nice if he just told us what he thinks.
Dean: So it is starting.
Sam: What?
Dean: Sam, we've been looking for dad all year. Now we're not with him for more than a couple hours and there's static already?
Sam: [scoffs] No. Look, I'm happy he's okay, alright? And I'm happy that we're all working together again.
Dean: Well, good.
Sam: ...it's just the way he treats us, like we're children.
Dean: [rolls his eyes] Oh, God.

John: Sammy.
Sam: What?
John: I don't think I ever told you this, but the day you were born, d'you know what I did?
Sam: No.
John: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until- Anyway, my point is, Sam, that, this was never the life I wanted for you.
[...]
Sam: Hey, Dad, whatever happened to that college fund?
John: Spent it on ammo.
[Both laugh]

Dean: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die and we coulda done something about it? You know, I've been thinking, and I think maybe Sammy's right about this one. I think we should do this together. We're stronger as a family, dad, we just are, you know it.
John: We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.

John: So boys.
Sam: Yes, sir.
John: You ignored a direct order back there.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Dean: Yeah, but we saved your ass.
[beat]
John: You're right.
Dean: I am?

Salvation [1.21][edit]

Dean: For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault.
Sam: Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem!
Dean: No, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem!
John: Okay. That’s enough.

Meg: Well, I’ve lied... a lot. I’ve stolen. I’ve lusted. And the other day I met this man – a nice guy, you know? And we had a really good chat...sort of like this. Then I slit his throat and ripped his heart out through his chest. Does that make me a bad person?

Meg: John, you made it. Too bad, really. I was hoping to kill more of your friends.
John: Sorry to disappoint.
Meg: I can see where your boys get their good looks. But I must admit, considering what they say about you, I thought you’d be…taller. [John says nothing] Well, aren’t you the chatty one? You wanna get to business? Fine. Why don’t you hand over the gun?
John: If I give you the gun, how do I get out of here?
Meg: Well, if you’re as good as they say you are, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
John: Maybe I’ll just shoot you.
Meg: You wanna shoot me, baby? Go ahead. It won’t end anything. There’s more where I came from.
...
Meg: You're dead, John. Your boys are dead.
John: I never used the gun, how could I know it wouldn't work?
Meg: I am so not in the mood for this, I've just been shot!
John: Well then, I guess you're lucky the gun wasn't real.
Meg: That's funny, John. We're gonna strip the skin from your bones, but that was funny.

Sam: Dean, uh, I want to thank you.
Dean: For what?
Sam: For everything. You've always had my back, you know. Even when I couldn't count on anyone, I could always count on you. And, uh, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.
Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you kidding me?
Sam: What?
Dean: Don't say just in case something happens to you, I don't want to hear that freaking speech, man. Nobody's dying tonight, not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, understand me?

Sam: If you had just let me go in there, I could have ended all this.
Dean: Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.
Sam: You don’t know that.
Dean: So, what, you’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.
Dean: Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen—not as long as I’m around.
Sam: What the hell are you talkin’ about, Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared about.
Dean: Sam, I wanna waste it. I do, okay? But it’s not worth dyin’ over.
Sam: What?
Dean: I mean it. If huntin’ this demon means you gettin’ yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing.
Sam: That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.
Dean: You said yourself once….that no matter what we do, they’re gone. And they’re never comin’ back.
Sam: Don’t you say that! Don’t you—not after all this, don’t you say that!
Dean: [emotionally] Sammy, look…the three of us—that’s all we have. And that’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holdin’ it together, man. Without you and Dad...

Devil's Trap [1.22][edit]

Meg: No more crap, okay? I want the Colt, Sam—the real Colt. Right now.
Sam: We don’t have it on us. We buried it.
Meg: Didn’t I say, “No more crap”? I swear, after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I’ve got to tell you, I’m a little underwhelmed. First, Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the real gun with you two chuckleheads. Lackluster, men. I mean, did you really think I wouldn’t find you?
Dean: Actually, we were counting on it. Gotcha.

John: Killing this demon comes first. Before me, before everything.
Sam: (looks at wounded Dean) No sir. Not before everything.

John (possessed): He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood.
Dean: Let him go, or I swear to God...
John (possessed): What? What are you and God gonna do? You see as far as I’m concerned, this is justice. You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter. The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand?
Dean: You got to be kidding me.
John (possessed): What? You the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family? Oh, that’s right, I forgot I did. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right.
Dean: You son of a bitch.
Sam: I wanna know why. Why’d you do it?
John (possessed): You mean why’d I kill mommy and pretty little Jess?
Sam: Yeah
John (possessed): [to Dean] You know I never told you this, but Sam was going to ask her to marry him. Been shopping for rings and everything. You wanna know why? Because they got in the way.
Sam: In the way of what?
John (possessed): My plans for you, Sammy, you, and all the children like you.
Dean: Listen, you mind just getting this over with, because I really can’t stand the monologuing.
John (possessed): Funny, but that’s all part of your MO isn’t it? Mask all that nasty pain, mask the truth.
Dean: Oh yeah? What’s that?
John (possessed): You know you fight, and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you, not like you need them. Sam, he’s clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight its more concern than he’s ever shown you.
Dean: I bet you’re real proud of your kids too huh? Oh wait, I forgot, I wasted them.

Dean: You and dad are a lot more alike then I thought, you know that? You both can't wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing, but you know what? I'm gonna be the one to bury you.

Dean: To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if we should come.
Bobby: Nonsense. Your daddy needs help.
Dean: Yeah, but last time we saw you, I mean, you did threaten to blast him full of buckshot. Cocked the shotgun and everything.
Bobby: Yeah, well, what can I say? John just has that effect on people.

Season 2[edit]

In My Time Of Dying [2.1][edit]

Sam: Get back. Or I'll kill you I swear to God.
Possessed Trucker: You won't. You're saving that bullet for someone else.
Sam: (cocks the Colt) You wanna bet?

Dean: (to Sam) Come on, you're the psychic. Give me some ghost whispering or something!

John: Here. (hands Sam a card) Give them my insurance.
Sam: (sceptically) Elroy McGillicuddy?
John: And his two loving sons.

Sam: I'll find some hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on him.
(This is exactly what Dean suggested earlier; Sam had unconsciously heard it)

John: Where's the Colt?
Sam: Your son is dying and you're worried about the Colt?
John: We are hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too. That gun might be our only cover.
Sam: ...it's in the trunk. They towed the car to a yard off of I-83.

Sam: Hey Dad, you know, the demon, he said he had plans for me and the children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?
John: No, I don't.
(Sam leaves the room)
Dean: (to John) Well, you sure know something.

Sam: Oh man, (looking at the Impala) Dean is gonna be pissed.
Bobby: Look, Sam, this just ain't worth a tow. I say we empty the trunk and sell the rest for scrap.
Sam: No, Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's going to want to fix this.
Bobby: There's nothing to fix. The frame's a pretzel, the engine's ruined... there's barely any parts worth salvaging!
Sam: Listen to me, Bobby: If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up on... (realizes he's no longer talking about the car)

Dean: Come on, Dad. You've got to help me. I've got to get better, I've got to get back in there. You haven't called a soul for help, you haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything, aren't you even going to say anything?! I've done everything you've ever asked me, everything. I've given everything I've ever had. Now you're just going to sit there and watch me die? What the hell kind of father are you?!

John: I have a plan, Sam.
Sam: That's exactly my point!! Dean is dying, and you have a plan!!! You know, you care more about this demon than you do saving your own son!
John: Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean.
Sam: How? How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself- it's the same, selfish obsession!
John: Oh that's funny, y'know what, I thought this was your obsession too! This demon: killed you mother, killed your girlfriend! You begged me to be a part of this hunt! Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would've happened!!
Sam: It was possessing you dad, I would've killed you too!
John: Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now!
Sam: Go to Hell.

(After swiping a glass of water off a table in anger)
Dean: Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!

Tessa: What are you, some kind of New Agey guy?
Dean: (annoyed) You see me messing with crystals and listening to Yanni?

Tessa: I just think, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. It's out of my control; it's just fate.
Dean: That's crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die or you can keep fighting, no matter what.

Sam: Hey. I think maybe you're around, and if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but, um, there's one way we can talk.
(Sam pulls out a "Mystical Talking Board")
Dean: Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Sam: Dean? Dean, are you here?
Dean: God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party.

Dean: Thanks for not giving up on me Sammy.

(John has just performed the ritual that will summon the demon)
Custodian: The Hell are you doin' down here, buddy?
John: I can explain.
Custodian: Yeah? You're gonna explain to security. C'mon, follow me.
John: Hey. (draws the Colt) How stupid do you think I am.
Custodian: (turns, and his eyes turn yellow) You really want an honest answer to that?

Yellow eyed demon: You, conjuring me, John? I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things, but suicidally reckless wasn't one of them.

Sam: Dean, are you here? Couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't— you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?

Dean: There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground and my family is gonna die!

Yellow eyed demon: It's very unseemly, making deals with devils.

Yellow eyed Demon: Why John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew, how much their daddy loved them.

Yellow eyed demon: You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?
John: Yeah. I've known for a while.
Yellow eyed demon: But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb.

John: I'm gonna wanna make sure that Dean's okay, with my own eyes.
Yellow eyed demon: Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?

John: So we have a deal.
Yellow eyed demon: No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot.

John: How you feeling, dude?
Dean: Fine I guess. I'm alive.
John: That's what matters.
Sam: Where were you last night?
John: I had some things to take care of.
Sam: Well, that's specific.
Dean: Come on, Sam.
Sam: Did you go after the Demon?
John: No.
Sam: You know, why don't I believe you right now?
John: Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting I don't even know what we're fighting about. Just butting heads. Look, Sammy I've, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?
Sam: Dad, are you all right?
John: Yeah... Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey Sam, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Dean: What is it?
John: You know... when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen I'd be...I'd be wrecked. And you... you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in they eye and, you'd say 'Its okay, dad.' Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: Why?
John: You shouldn't have had to say that to me. I-I should've been saying that to you. You know, I put- I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.
Dean: This really you talking?
John: Yeah. Yeah, it's really me.
Dean: Why you saying this stuff?
John: I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?
Dean: Yeah dad, you know I will. You're scaring me.
John: Don't be scared, Dean.

Everybody Loves A Clown [2.2][edit]

Sam: Before...before he... [He stops, unable to get the words out] Did he say anything to you? About anything?
Dean: [pause] No. Nothin'.

Dean: Stop it, Sam.
Sam: Stop what?
Dean: Stop askin’ if I need anything, stop askin’ if I’m okay. I’m okay. Really. I promise.
Sam: All right. Dean, it’s just…we’ve been at Bobby’s for over a week now and you haven’t brought up Dad once.
Dean: You know what, you’re right. Come here. I’m gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug –- maybe even slow dance.

[Dean and Sam are forced to drive a Dodge Caravan while the Impala is still being repaired]
Dean: I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.

Dean: [looking around Harvelle's, the barrel of a rifle is placed against his back] Oh God, please let that be a rifle.
Jo: Nah, I'm just real happy to see you.

Sam: So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get.
Ellen: Well we can't. But Ash will.
Sam: Who's Ash?
Ellen: ASH!
[A man in a red plaid jacket with a mullet sleeping on the pool table jolts awake]
Ash: What? Closin' time?
Sam: That's Ash?
Jo: Mmm hmm, He's a genius.
[Skips to a discussion at the bar with Ash, John's journal is presented to him]
Dean: You gotta be kidding me; this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie.
Ash: I like you.
Dean: Thanks.

[Discussing John's research]
Ash: There's signs... Omens, if you can track 'em you can track this demon. You know like... crop failures, electrical storms... You ever been struck by lightning? It ain't fun.
Sam: Can you track it or not?
Ash: Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time... uh, gimmie... 51 hours

[Ash's hair gets put on topic]
Ash: All business up front...and party in the back!

Dean: I know what you're thinking, Sam: why did it have to be clowns? [reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark "Why'd it have to be snakes"]
Sam: Gimme a break.
Dean: [laughs] You didn’t think I remembered, did you? C'mon, you still bust out crying whenever you see Ronald MacDonald television.
Sam: At least I'm not afraid of flying.
Dean: Planes crash, Sam!
Sam: And apparently, clowns kill!

Dean: Excuse me. We're looking for a Mr. Cooper. Have you seen him around?
Amazing Papazian: What is that? Some kind of joke? [removes his glasses, showing he's blind]
Dean: Oh God, I'm sorry...
Amazing Papazian: You think I wouldn't give my eye teeth to see Mr. Cooper, or a sunset, or anything at all...?
Dean: [Aside, to Sam] You wanna give me a little help here?
Sam: Not really.
Midget Clown: Hey Barry, is there a problem?
Amazing Papazian: Yeah, this guy hates blind people.
Dean: No, no I don't...
Midget Clown: Hey buddy, what's your problem?
Dean: Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding.
Midget Clown: Little? You son of a bitch...
Dean: No, no, no, I'm just... Can somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is? Please?

Mr. Cooper: You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?
Dean: Nope. But we really need the work. So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.

Dean: Hello?
Sam: Hey, man.
Dean: What’s the matter? You sound like you just saw a clown.
Sam: Very funny.

Dean: I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life sluggin’ it out with that man. I mean, hell, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late.
Sam: Why are you sayin' this to me?
Dean: Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealin’ with Dad’s death! Are you?

[Jo and Dean stare at Sam, giving him the hint to leave.]
Sam: Oh, yeah. I’ve got to, uh…I’ve got to go…over there…right now. [He leaves.]

[After Dean and Sam return to the roadhouse, Ash emerges from his room]
Ash: Where you guys been? Been waitn' for ya...
Sam: We were working a job, Ash. [Ash looks blankly at Sam] Clowns?
Ash: Clowns? What the f-
Dean: [Interrupting] You got something for us Ash?

[Ash has rigged a laptop to an alarm if any of The Demon's signs appear anywhere in the world]
Sam: Ash Where'd you learn to do all this?
Ash: MIT. Before I got bounced, for fighting.
Sam: MIT?
Ash: It's a school in Boston.

Sam: You were right.
Dean: About what?
Sam: About me and Dad. I’m sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I’m sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinkin’ that I hate him. So, you’re right. What I’m doin’ right now - it is too little. It’s too late. [pause] I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. [He is on the verge of tears.] And I’m not all right. Not at all. [pause] But neither are you. That much I know. I’ll let you get back to work. [He leaves.]

Bloodlust [2.3][edit]

[Dean is overjoyed to have his Impala back]
Sam: You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know Dean.
Dean: [to the Impala] Don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand.

Sam: (talking to Dean) Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.

Sheriff: What newspaper did you say you worked for?
Dean: World Weekly News.
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: World...
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: Wor... I'm new.
Sheriff: Get out of my office

Dean: John.
Jeff: Jeff.
Dean: Jeff, I know that. Dr. Dworkin needs to see you in the office.
Jeff: But Dr. Dworkin is on vacation.
Dean: Well, he's back and he is pissed, he's screaming for you, man, so if I were you, I would…
Jeff: Okay!
Dean: Okay… Those Satanists in Florida, they marked their victims, didn't they?
Sam: Yeah. Reverse pentacle on the forehead.
Dean: Yeah… So much f’d up crap happens in Florida.

Dean: All right, Open it.
Sam: You open it.
Dean: Wuss.

Sam: Dean, get me a bucket.
Dean: Find something?
Sam: No, I'm going to puke.

Sam: So... we're looking for some people.
Bartender: Sure, its hard to be lonely.

Dean: Did you check out that Barker farm?
Gordon: It’s a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.

Dean: You all right, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.
Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy.
Sam: He's the only one who gets to call me that.

Sam: (sighs) Look, I’m not gonna bring you guys down, I'm just gonna go back to the motel.
Dean: (groans slightly) You sure?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Hey, Sammy! Remind me to beat that buzz-kill out of you later, alright?

Dean: He was just one of those guys... took some terrible beatings... just kept coming. So you're always saying to yourself, he's indestructible, he'll always be around... nothing can kill my Dad. And then just like that...he's gone. Can't talk about this to Sammy--I've gotta keep my game face on. But, ah, the truth is I'm not handling it too well.

Sam: I thought you said he [Gordon] was a good hunter?
Ellen: Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist.

Gordon: You know why I love this life?
Dean: Hmm?
Gordon: It's all black and white. There's no maybe. Find the bad thing, kill it. You see, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. "Is this right, is that wrong?" Not us.

Eli: Why are we explaining ourselves to this killer [Sam]?
Lenore: Eli...
Eli: We choke on cows blood so that none of them suffer. And tonight, they murdered Conrad. And they celebrated.
Lenore: Eli, that's enough.
Sam: Yeah, Eli, that's enough!

Dean: And I’m supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam. No, thanks. I’ll go with Gordon.
Sam: Right, because Gordon’s such an old friend. You don’t think I can see what this is?
Dean: What are you talking about?
Sam: He’s a substitute for Dad, isn’t he? A poor one.
Dean: Shut up, Sam.
Sam: He’s not even close, Dean. Not on his best day.
Dean: You know, I’m not gonna talk—
Sam: You slap on his big fake smile but I can see through it. 'Cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead, and he left a hole, and it hurt so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill that hole with whoever you want to. It’s an insult to his memory!
Dean: Okay... [He turns around and hits Sam.]
Sam: You hit me all you want. It won’t change anything.

Dean: You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.

Dean: (to Gordon) I might be like you, and I might not. But you’re the one tied up right now.

Sam: Ready to go, Dean?
Dean: Not yet. (to Gordon) I guess this is goodbye. Well, it’s been real... (punches Gordon) Okay, I’m good now. We can go.

Dean: Sam.
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Clock me one.
Sam: What?
Dean: Come on. I won’t even hit you back. Let’s go.
Sam: No.
Dean: Let’s go. You get a freebie. Hit me. Come on.
Sam: You look like you just went 12 rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I’ll take a rain check.

Dean: Think about the hunts we went on,Sammy, our whole lives.
Sam: Okay.
Dean: What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing? I mean, the way Dad raised us-
Sam: Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.
Dean: I know he did. But the man wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us to hate those things? And, man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it.
Sam: You didn’t kill Lenore.
Dean: Well, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her, I was gonna kill them all.
Sam: Yeah, Dean, but you didn’t. And that’s what matters.
Dean: Yeah. And because you’re a pain in my ass.
Sam: I guess I might have to stick around and be a pain in the ass, then.
Dean: Thanks.
Sam: Don’t mention it.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things [2.4][edit]

Dean: Come on, Sam, I’m begging you. This is stupid.
Sam: Why?
Dean: Going to visit mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.
Sam: She has a headstone.
Dean: Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we’ve never met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on
Sam: Dean, that’s not the point.
Dean: Well, then enlighten me, Sam.
Sam: It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after dad, it just-it just feels like the right thing to do.
Dean: It’s irrational, is what it is.
Sam: Look, man, no one asked you to come.
Dean: Why don’t we swing by the Roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down.
Sam: That’s a good idea. You should. Just drop me off. I’ll hitch a ride, And I’ll meet you tomorrow.
Dean: Right. I’ll be stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No, thanks.

Sam: Okay. So what are you thinking?
Dean: I don’t know, unholy ground, maybe.
Sam: Un...
Dean: What? If something evil happened, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the-the Angela girl’s spirit, if it’s powerful enough.
[Sam nods, rolls his eyes and walks away]
Dean: Well, don’t get too excited, you might pull something.

[Dean gives Sam an angry glare after he brings up John's death]
Sam: You want to take another swing? Go ahead if it'll make you feel better.

Television that Sam is watching: [sultry voice] Next on the skin channel, Casa Erotica IV a tale of two Latin beauties...
[Dean enters and Sam quickly turns off the television]
Sam: [off-handedly] Hey. ...What?
Dean: Awkward...

Dean: I'm still not getting that powerful 'angry spirit' vibe from Angela. I have been reading this though. [holds up a pink book]
Sam: You stole the girl's diary?
Dean: Yeah, Sam, and if anything, that girl's a little too nice.
Sam: So what do we do?
Dean: Keep digging, talk to more of her friends.
Sam: You get any names?
Dean: You kiddin' me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Dean: Burn the bones.
Sam: Burn the bones? Are you high? Angela died last week!
Dean: So?
Sam: So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
Dean: Since when are you afraid to get dirty?

[repeated line]
Dean: What's dead should stay dead.

Dean: Sam, if you bring Dad's death up one more time, I swear...
Sam: Stop. Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad, we've lost Mom, I've lost Jessica and now I'm gonna lose you too.
Dean: We better get out of here before the cops come. I hear you, okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass and I'm sorry. But right now, we got a freaking zombie running around, we need to figure out how to kill it. Right?
Sam: Our lives are weird, man.
Dean: You're telling me. Come on.

Dean: We can't just waste 'em with a headshot?
Sam: Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks.
Dean: You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke them?
Sam: No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean, there's at least a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire... uh, one said [flipping through John's journal] ...where is it? Right here. "Feeding their hearts to wild dogs." That's my personal favorite.

Dean: Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.

[Searching Neil's house and finding a heavily bolted door above the stairs to the zombie pen]
Dean: [jokingly] Unless this is where he keeps his porn...

[upon finding the empty zombie pen]
Sam: You think Angela's going after somebody?
Dean: [knocking aside a grate to reveal a large hole in the wall leading outside] Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches.
Sam: Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We gotta find her, Dean.
Dean: Yeah. Alright, she, uh... She clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, it takes two to, you know... have hardcore sex.

Dean: I've heard of some people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you, you take the cake!...

Neil: You're crazy.
Dean: Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy?

Sam: Did we have to use me as bait?
Dean: I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.
Sam: I think she broke my hand.
Dean: You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.

Dean: Sam…You and dad…You’re the most important people in my life. And now…I never should’ve come back, Sam. It wasn’t natural. And now look what’s come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that’s it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?

Simon Said [2.5][edit]

Sam: So, I’m a freak now?
Dean: You’ve always been a freak.

[Sam knocks on Ash's door, which bears the sign "Dr. Badass is: In/Out"]
Sam: Ash. [knocks again] ...Hey, Ash!
[Dean knocks]
Dean: Hey, Dr. Badass!
[Door opens and Ash is completely naked]
Ash: Sam. Dean. Sam and Dean.
Sam: Hey, Ash... We need your help.
Ash: Well, hell, then, guess I need my pants.

[Ash is searching unsuccessfully for information on the case]
Sam: Alright, try something else for me. Search Guthry for a housefire; it would be 1983, fire's origin would be the baby's nursery, night of the kid's 6th month birthday.
[Ash stares]
Ash: Okay, now that is just weird, man. Why the hell would I be looking for that?
[Sam put a bottle on the counter]
Sam: Because there's a PBR in it for ya.
Ash: Give me 15 minutes.

[Jo puts music on and takes tray of glasses to counter, Dean gives her a look]
Jo: What?
Dean: REO Speedwagon?
Jo: Damn right, REO, Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.
Dean: He sings it from the hair, there's a difference.

Dean: If I ran off with you, I think your mother might kill me. [gives Ellen a sheepish grin as she glares at him from across the room]
Jo: You're afraid of my mother?
Dean: [turns back to Jo] I think so.

[Dean is singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon in the car]
Dean: "And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight/ You're a candle in a window on a cold dark winter's night..."
[Sam appears confused and annoyed]
Dean: [continuing] "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought, I might-"
Sam: [staring at Dean] You're kidding, right?
Dean: I heard the song somewhere; I can't get it out of my head. I don't know, man.

Server: If you want to find him [Andy], try Orchard St. Just look for a van with a barbarian queen painted on the side.
Dean: Barbarian queen?
Server: She's riding a polar bear, it's kinda hard to miss.

[Dean and Sam are observing Andy's van from their car]
Dean: I'm sorry, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet.

Dean: What's wrong?
Sam: Nothing.
Dean: Sam, you look like you’re sucking on a lemon. What’s going on?

Andy: This is a cherry ride.
Dean: Yeah, thanks.
Andy: Man, a ’67. Impala’s best year, if you ask me. This is a serious classic.
Dean: Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too. Can’t let a car like this one go.
Andy: Damn straight. Hey, can I have it?
Dean: Sure, man!
Andy: Sweet! [He gets inside.]
Dean: Hop right in there…there you go.
Andy: Nice! Take it easy.
Dean: All right.

[Sam calls Dean on his cell phone]
Sam: Dean! Andy's got the Impala!
Dean: I know! He just sort of asked me for it, and then I let him take it...
Sam: You what?!
Dean: He full-on Obi-waned me! It's mind control, man!

[Upon finding the Impala intact]
Dean: Oh, thank God! I'm sorry baby, I'll never leave you again! At least he left the keys in it.
Sam: Yeah. Real Samaritan, this guy.
Dean: Well, it looks like he can’t work his mojo just by twitchin’ his nose. He’s gotta use verbal commands.

[Looking through the items in a van]
Dean: And Moby Dick's bong.

Dean: Argh!!! You know, one day I'd love to just sit down, and eat something that I didn't have to microwave in a Mini-Mart.

Andy: Hey! You think I haven't seen you two? Why are you following me?
Sam: Well, we're lawyers. See, a relative of yours has passed...
Andy: [Interupting.] Tell the truth.
Sam: That's what I'm...
Dean: We hunt demons.
Andy: What?
Sam: [Shocked.] Dean!
Dean: Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...
Sam: Dean! Shut up!
Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic, kinda like you. Well, not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid that he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

[After the boys determine Andy to be innocent, Andy and Sam are discussing their abilities]
Andy: You get these premonitions... of people about to die? [Sam nods] ...That's impossible.
Sam: A lot of people would say the same thing about what you do.
Andy: [Pause] But death visions?
Sam: Yeah.
Andy: Dude, that sucks. When I got my mind thing, it was like a gift, you know? It was, It was like I won the lotto.
Sam: But you still live in a van. I don’t get it. I mean, you could have anything you ever wanted.
Andy: I...I have everything I need.
Sam: So, you’re really not a killer, huh?
Andy: That's...That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
Sam: That’s good. It means there’s hope for both of us.

Office Clerk: Probably shouldn't have let you kids in here...
Andy: No, it will all be fine. Just go get a cup of coffee, alright? 'These aren't the droids you're looking for.'
Dean: Awesome.

[Reviewing county birth records]
Sam: Andy, it's true. Holly Beckett was your birth mother.
Andy: Does anyone have a Vicodin?
Sam: Dr. Jennings was her doctor too... I mean, he oversaw the adoption. You have a solid connection to both of them.
Andy: Yeah, but I didn't kill them.
Dean: We believe you. But who did?
Sam: I think I've got a pretty good guess. Holly Beckett gave birth to twins.
Andy: [Holding his head, awestruck] I have an evil twin...

Sam: Dean, you should stay back.
Dean: No argument here. I’ve had my head screwed with enough for one day.

Andy: How did you do that?
Webber: Practice, bro. If you'd just practice, you would know. Sometimes, you don't need to use your words. If you have to, all you need is this. [He points to his head] Sometimes, the headache's worth it.

[Speaking with his "evil twin", Webber]
Andy: Are you really...Are you really this stupid? Is it...You you you learn you got a twin: You call him up, you...you go out for a drink! You don't start killing people!

Andy: Why did you kill our mother? And why, why Dr. Jennings?
Webber: Because they split us up! They ruined our lives, Andy! We could've been together this whole time, instead of alone. I...I couldn't, I couldn't let 'em do that, I couldn't let 'em get away with that. No.

Dean: That was mind control! That was…that’s like being roofied, man. It doesn’t count.
Sam: What?
Dean: I call do-over.
Sam: What are you, 7?

Ellen: You mind your tone with me, boy. This isn’t just your war, this is war. Now, something big and bad is coming, and it’s coming fast, and their side holds all the cards. Now, at best, all we’ve got is us, together. No secrets or half-truths here.

Dean: Who knows how many of them are really out there?
Ellen: Jo, honey?
Jo: Yeah?
Ellen: You'd better break out the whiskey instead.

No Exit [2.6][edit]

Dean: Young girl’s been kidnapped by an evil cult.
Sam: Yeah. Girl got a name?
Dean: Katie Holmes.
Sam: That's funny... and for you, so bitchy.

Dean: We rarely drink before 10, anyway.

Jo: [impatiently holds out a case file] Take it, it won't bite.
Dean: No, but your mom might.

Dean: That’s ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we’re dealing with here. [beat] It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dean: What the hell are you doing here?
Jo: There you are, honey. [She walks over to him and puts her arm around his waist.] This is my boyfriend, Dean, and his buddy, Sam.
Ed: [shaking their hands] Good to meet you. Quite a gal you’ve got here.
Dean: Oh, yeah, she’s a pistol. [He chuckles.]
Jo: So, did you already check out the apartment? [He doesn’t answer.] The one for rent?
Dean: Y-yeah, yes. Loved it. Great flow.
Ed: How’d you get in?
Dean: It was open.
Jo: Now, Ed, uh, when did the last tenant move out?
Ed: Oh, about a month ago. Cut and run, too. Stiffed me for the rent.
Jo: [laughing] Well, her loss, our gain. ‘Cause if Dean-o loves it, that’s good enough for me.
Dean: Oh, sweetie. [He hits her on the back.]
Jo: [handing Ed a wad of cash] We’ll take it.

Dean: Hunters don't tip that well.
Jo: Well they aren't that good at poker either.

[Dean passing back and forth behind Jo and Jo twirling a knife in her hands]
Jo:(to Dean) Would you sit down please?!
(Dean after an annoyed look sits down)
Dean: (after saying something to Jo) Would you put the knife down?!

Jo: So you gonna buy me dinner?
Dean: What are you talking about?
Jo: It’s just if you’re gonna ride me this close, it’s only decent you buy me dinner.
Dean: Oh, that’s hilarious.

Dean: Jo, you’ve got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me on this when I was so young, I wish I could do something else.
Jo: You love the job.
Dean: Yeah, but I’m a little twisted.
Jo: You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?
Dean: Jo, you’ve got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later.

Dean: Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
Jo: What?
Dean: Uh, just wish the pipes were clean.
Jo: [elbows Dean] Shut up!

Dean: (answers the phone) Yeah.
Ellen: You lied to me. She's there.
Dean: Ellen.
Ellen: No, Ash told me everything. The man's a genius, but he folds like a cheap suit. Now you put my damn daughter on the phone.
Dean: She's gonna have to call you back, she taking care of... feminine business.
Ellen: Yeah, right. Where is she? Where is she?!?
Dean: Look, we'll get her back.
Ellen: Get her back? Back from what?
Dean: The spirit we're hunting, it took her.
Ellen: Oh my God.
Dean: She'll be okay, I promise.
Ellen: You promise. That is not the first time I've heard that from a Winchester.

Jo: How do you like that? Pure iron, you creepy-ass son of a bitch!

Sam: So, this job as glamorous as you thought it would be?
Jo: Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.

Jo: You ripped off a cement truck?
Dean: I'll give it back.
Jo: You can't keep me here!
Ellen: Don't you bet on it sweetheart!
Jo: Well, what are you going to do? You gonna chain me up in the basement?
Ellen: You know you've had worse ideas than that! Look you don't like it here? Fine! Go back to school!
Jo: I didn't belong there! I was a freak with a knife collection!
Ellen: Oh. Getting gutted of some dusty backroad! That's where you belong?
Jo: I...(goes to answer but sees Sam and Dean staring with mouths open)
Ellen: (turns and sees them) Guys, bad time!
Sam: Yes, Ma'am!
Dean: Yeah, we hardly drink before ten anyway!
Jo: (storms over to them) Wait! I want to know what they think about this!
Ellen: I don't care what they think!
Tourist 1: Hey are you guys open?
Ellen: (at the same time as Jo) Yes!
Jo: (at the same time as Ellen: No!
Tourist 1: We'll just try the Arville's down the road!

The Usual Suspects [2.7][edit]

Sam: We saw the second-largest ball of twine in the continental U.S. Awesome.

Diana Ballard: Sam, you seem like a good kid. It’s not your fault Dean’s your brother. We can’t pick our family.

Dean: What do you think, Scully, want to check it out?
Sam: I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
Dean: No, I'm Mulder. You're a red-headed woman.

Sam: Anthony Gyles' body was found right about here. (reads) "Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was visible."
Dean: (whistles) What do you think? Vengeful spirit, underline "vengeful"?

Sam: Wow, I'd say we've officially crossed over into weird.

Jeff Krause: I'm with the public defender's office. I'm your lawyer.
Dean: Oh, thank God. I'm saved

Krause: Do you understand how serious these charges are?
Dean: I’m handcuffed to a table. Yeah, I get it. Humor me.

[Sam calls his public defender Matlock minutes after Dean gives him the same comment]
Krause: [surprised] You really are brothers, aren't you?

Dean: My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone.

Sheridan: You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis.
Dean: Oh, yeah, that wasn't me either. That was a shapeshifter creature that only looked like me.
Sheridan: Get up! (grabs Dean, pulls him to his feet, and slams him into the wall)
Ballard: Pete, that is enough!
Dean: You asked for the truth.

[Ballard comes in to Dean's interrogation room]
Dean: Can we make this quick? I'm a little tired. It's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all.
Ballard: I wanna know more about that stuff you were talking about earlier.
Dean: Time Life. "Mysteries of the Unknown". Look it up.

Ballard: How did you get those? Those are from crime scenes and booking photos.
Sam: You have your job, I have mine.

Sam: This is bothering me.
Ballard: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Sam: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

Dean: Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.

Sheridan:(talking about Dean) We can pin the whole thing on him. Right? No trial, nothing, just, just one more dead scum bag.
Dean: Hey!

Ballard: Unless... I just happened to turn my back, you walked away, I could tell them the suspects escaped.
Sam: Wait, are you sure?
Dean: Yes, she’s sure, Sam!

Sam: Nice lady.
Dean: Yeah, for a cop. Did she look familiar to you?
Sam: No, why?
Dean: I don’t know. Anyway, are you hungry?
Sam: No.
Dean: For some reason, I could really go for some pea soup.

Crossroad Blues [2.8][edit]

Sam: So much for a low profile. You've got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you're officially in the Feds' database.
Dean: Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something.
Sam: Dean, it's not funny. Makes the job harder. We've got to be more careful now.
Dean: Well, what have they got on you?
Sam: I'm sure they just...haven't posted it yet.
Dean: Wait - no accessory, nothing?
Sam: Shut up.
Dean: [laughs] You're jealous.
Sam: No, I'm not!
Dean: Uh-huh. All right, what have you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless, young man, you?

Sam: Whatever they are, they're big, nasty...
Dean: Yeah, I bet they could hump the crap out of your leg. Look at that one, huh? [chuckles] What? They could!

Sam: So?
Dean: The secretary's name is Carly. She's 23, she kayaks, and they're real.
Sam: You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?
Dean: Every complaint called in this week about everything big, black or dog-like. There's 19 calls in all. And I don't know what this thing is.
Sam: You mean Carly's MySpace address?
Dean: Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? [Sam laughs] Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?

Sam: We gotta find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.
Dean: Great. So, we’ve got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.”
Sam: So, what, we should just leave them to die?
Dean: Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save them?

Dean: This house probably isn't up next on MTV Cribs, is it?
Sam: Yeah, so whatever kind of deal he made...
Dean: ...it wasn't for cash. Aw, who knows? Maybe his place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.

Dean: So, what is that stuff out front?
George: Goofer dust. [Sam and Dean exchange a look.] Oh, you boys think you know somethin’ about somethin’ but not goofer dust? [He tosses a bag of the dust to Dean.]
Dean: Well, we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.

Dean: You did it to save her?
Evan: She had cancer, they had stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice. They kept saying, “Matter of days.” So, yeah, I made the deal. And I’d do it again. I’d have died for her on the spot.
Dean: Did you ever think about her in all this?
Evan: I did this for her.
Dean: You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself…so you wouldn’t have to live without her. But, guess what, she’s gonna have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she’d feel?

Dean: So you know who I am.
Demon: I get the newsletter.

Demon: You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces.

[The Demon tries to convince Dean to sell his soul]
Dean: You think you could...throw in a set of steak knives?

[The Demon kisses Dean.]
Dean: What the hell was that for?
Demon: Sealing the deal.
Dean: You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue.

Dean: Shut your mouth, bitch.

Dean: How could he do it?
Sam: He did it for you.
Dean: Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that?

Sam: Hey Dean.
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: When you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?
Dean: [doesn't answer]

Croatoan [2.9][edit]

Dean: No-one is shooting my brother!
Duane: You were gonna shoot me!
Dean: And if don't shut your pie hole I still might!
Dean: Well, I’m sure I had a good reason.
Sam: I sure hope so.
Dean: What does that mean? [Sam doesn’t answer.] Sam, I’m not gonna waste an innocent man. [No answer.] I wouldn’t!
Sam: I never said you would!
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Fine. Look, we don’t know what it is. But whatever it is, that guy in the chair’s a part of it. So, let’s find him and see what’s what.
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Fine.

Sam: Did you pay any attention in history class?
Dean: Yeah. The shot heard ‘round the world, how bills become laws…
Sam: That's not school! That's Schoolhouse Rock!
Dean: ....Whatever.

Dean: Line’s dead. I’ll tell you one thing – if I was gonna massacre a town, that’d be my first step.

Dean: That was kinda creepy, right? A little too Stepford?
Sam: Big time.

Sam: What do you think? Multiple demons? Mass possession?
Dean: If it is a possession, there could be more. God knows how many. It could be like a friggin’ Shriner Convention.
Sam: Great.
Dean: ‘Course, that’s one way to wipe out a town. You take it from the inside.
Sam: I don’t know, man. We didn’t see any of the demon smoke with Tanner, or any of the other usual signs.
Dean: Well, whatever. I mean, something turned him into a monster. And you know, if you would have taken out the other one, there’d be one less to worry about.
Sam: I’m sorry, all right? I hesitated, Dean, it was a kid.
Dean: No, it was an “it”. Not the best time for a bleeding heart, Sam.

Dean: I’m gonna go ahead and see if I can find some help. My partner’ll stick around, keep you guys safe.
Dr. Lee: Safe from what?
Dean: We’ll get back to you on that.

Man: Say, why don’t you get out of the car and we’ll talk a little.
Dean: Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way, sorry.

(Dean and the Sergeant are both pointing guns at one another)
Sergeant: What's going on with everybody?
Dean: I don't know.
Sergeant: My neighbor... Mr. Rodgers, h-
Dean: You've got a neighbor named Mr. Rodgers?
Sergeant: Not anymore.

(Dean and the Sergeant are both in the Impala, and are staring and pointing handguns at one another, both suspecting that the other is infected with the virus)
Dean: Well this oughta be a relaxing drive.

Duane: Has anybody seen my mom and dad?
Dean: (has shot and killed both) Awkward.

Dean: For what? For him to Hulk out? Infect somebody else? No, thanks, can’t take that chance. [Sam stops him from leaving.] Hey look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it’s a tough job and you know that.
Sam: It’s supposed to be tough, Dean! We’re supposed to struggle with this, that’s the whole point!
Dean: What does that buy us?
Sam: A clear conscience, for one.
Dean: It’s too late for that.
Sam: What the hell has happened to you?
Dean: What?
Sam: You might kill an innocent man, and you don’t even care! You don’t act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You’re acting like one of those things out there.
Dean: Mm-hmm. [He pushes Sam out of his way. He leaves the room, locking the door behind him.]

Dean: Doctor, check his wound again, would you? [She doesn’t move.] Doctor!
Sergeant: What does she need to examine it for? You saw what happened.
Dr. Lee: Did her blood actually enter your wound?
Sergeant: Come on, of course it did!
Dean: We don’t know that for sure!
Duane: We can’t take a chance!
Sergeant: You know what we have to do.
Dean: Nobody is shooting my brother
Duane: He’s not gonna be your brother much longer. You said it yourself.
Dean: Nobody’s shooting anybody.
Duane: You were gonna shoot me!
Dean: You will shut your pie hole, I still might!
Sam: Dean, they’re right. I’m infected. Just give me the gun and I’ll do it myself.
Dean: Forget it.
Sam: Dean, I’m not gonna become one of those things.
Dean: Sam, we’ve still got some time—
Sergeant: Time for what? Look, I understand he’s your brother, and I’m sorry. I am. [He takes out his gun.] But I’ve gotta take care of this.
Dean: I’m gonna say this one time. You make a move on him, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground, you understand me? Do I make myself clear?!
Sam: Dean!
Sergeant: Then what are we supposed to do?! [Dean pauses a long time before tossing his car keys to the Sergeant.]
Dean: Get the hell outta here, that’s what. Take my car. You’ve got the explosives, there’s an arsenal in there, you two go with them. You’ve got enough firepower to handle anything now.
Sergeant: What about you? [Dean gives him a knowing look.]
Sam: Dean, no. No. Go with them. This is your only chance.
Dean: No, you’re not gonna get rid of me that easy.
Sergeant: He’s right, man. Come with us! [Dean gives him another look.] Okay, here’s your funeral. [The two of them leave. Dr. Lee goes to leave also.]

Dean: Actually, we're not really marshals.
Doctor: [looks wearily from Sam to Dean] Okay.

Dean: I wish we had a deck of cards or a foosball table or something.
Sam: Dean, don’t do this. Just get the hell out of here.
Dean: No way.
Sam: Give me my gun…and leave.
Dean: For the last time, Sam no.

Sam: This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.
Dean: I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? (shudders)

Sam: Dean, I’m sick. It’s over for me. It doesn’t have to be for you.
Dean: No?
Sam: No, you can keep going.
Dean: Who says I want to?
Sam: What? [Dean sits down and pauses before talking.]
Dean: I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job, this life. This weight on my shoulders, man, I’m tired of it.
Sam: So, what? So, you’re just gonna give up? I mean, you’re just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know the stuff with Dad had—
Dean: You’re wrong. It’s not about that. I mean, part of it is, sure, but—
Sam: What is it about?

Dean: I don’t know, man. I just think maybe we oughta…go to the Grand Canyon.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth, cross-country. You know I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon? Or we could go to T.J. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsay Lohan.

Sam: Dean, you're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.
Dean: I can't I promised.
Sam: Who?
Dean: Dad.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Dean: Right before dad died, he told me something. He told me something about you.
Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Hunted [2.10][edit]

Dean: Before Dad died he… he told me something. Something about you.
Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?
Dean: He said that he…he wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you.
Sam: He told you that a million times.
Dean: No, this time was different. He said that I had to…save you.
Sam: Save me from what?
Dean: He just said that I had to save you. Nothing else mattered. And if I couldn’t, I’d…
Sam: You’d what, Dean?
Dean: I’d have to kill you. [Sam looks at him, confused.] He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.
Sam: Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Dean: I don’t know.
Sam: I mean, he must’ve had some kind of reason for saying it, right? Did he know the demon’s plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark-side or something?! What else did he say, Dean
Dean: Nothing. That’s it, I swear.
Sam: How could you not have told me this?!
Dean: Because he was dead and he begged me not to.
Sam: Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself, Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!
Dean: You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he’d never opened his mouth! And I wouldn’t have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day!
Sam: [after a long pause] We’ve just gotta figure out what’s going on then, what the hell all this means.
Dean: We do? I’ve been thinking about this, I think we should just lay low, you know? At least for a while. It’d be safer. And that way, I could make sure…
Sam: What? That I don’t turn evil? That I don’t turn into some kind of killer?
Dean: I never said that.
Sam: Jeez, if you’re not careful, you will have to waste me one day, Dean.
Dean: I never said that! Damn it, Sam, this whole thing is spinning out of control! Alright? You’re immune to some weirdo demon virus, and I don’t even know what the hell anymore. And you’re pissed at me, and I get it. That’s fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay?
Sam: Forget it.
Dean: Sam, please, man. [He grabs Sam’s shoulder] Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay, I’m begging you here. Please…please. [Sam nods]

Ash: And one other name, Scott Kerry.
Sam: What, you got an address?
Ash: Kinda. The Arbor Hills Cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot 486.

Ellen: Now, Dean, they say you can’t protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that-- what else is family for?

Ava: [to Sam] Why can’t you just leave town, please? Before you blow up!

[Sam passes in front of the window on the building's edge]
Ava: Holy crap!!
Shrink: What? [looks behind]
Ava: [to shrink] Uh, I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, 8 things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don’t think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?

Sam: You okay?
Ava: Am I okay?
Ava: I just helped you steal some dead guy's confidential psych files. I'm AWESOME!

Dean: [seeing Sam through motel window] Thank God you’re okay. [sees Ava with Sam] Oh, you’re better than okay. Sam, you sly dog!

Sam: These are .223 Caliber, subsonic rounds, the guy must've put a suppressor on the rifle.
Ava: Dude, who are you?
Sam: I ah...I just I...I just watch a lot of TJ Hooker.

Dean: [over the phone] Just got here myself. It's a real funky town. You ditched me Sammy!
Sam: Yeah, I'm sorry. Look, right now there's someone after me.
Dean: Wha- Who?
Sam: I don't know, that's what we've gotta find out. Where are you?
Dean: I'm staying at 5637 Monroe Street, why don't you meet me here?
Sam: Yeah, sure.
Gordon: [to Dean] Now was that so hard?
Dean: Bite me.

Gordon: What, you think this is revenge?
Dean: Well we did leave you tied up in your own mess for three days. [snickers] Which was awesome. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.

Dean: Well, you son of a bitch.
Gordon: (slaps him) That's my momma you're talking about.

Dean: [chuckles] This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.

Dean: Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He’s got more of a conscience than I do. The guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.

Dean: [off screen the chair he's sitting on breaks] I'M FREE!

Gordon: Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.
[Sam slugs him]
Sam: It’s Sam.

[cops pull up and arrest Gordon]
Sam: Anonymous tip.
Dean: You're a fine, upstanding citizen, Sam.

Dean: Well, Gordon should be reaching for the soap for the next few years at least.

Dean: Dude, you ever take off like that again...
Sam: What? You'd kill me?
Dean: That is so not funny.

Sam: All right, so where to next, man?
Dean: One word, Amsterdam.
Sam: Dean!
Dean: Come on, man. I hear the coffee shops don’t even serve coffee

Sam: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean I ran all the way to California, and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.
Dean: I can try.
Sam: Thanks for that.

Sam: So if you really want to watch my back, I guess you’re going to have to stick around.
Dean: Bitch.
Sam: Jerk.

Dean: What’s the point of saving the world if you can’t get a little nookie once in a while, huh?

Dean: Damn it, Sam, this whole thing's spinning out of control!

Playthings [2.11][edit]

Dean: I just figured after Ava, there'd be, uh, you know, more angst, more droopy music, and staring out the rainy windows (glare from Sam). Okay, I'll shut up now.
Sam: Look, I'm the one who told her to go back home. Now her fiancé's dead and some demon has taken her off to God-knows-where. You know? We've been looking for a month now. and we got nothin' So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not going to let other people die, either. We've gotta save as many people as we can.
Dean: Wow, that attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now. Thank you.

Dean: Dude, this is sweet! I never get to work jobs like this.
Sam: Like what?
Dean: Old-school haunted houses. You know: fog, secret passageways, sissy British accents. We might even get to run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside. Mmm, Daphne...love her.

Susan: Well, congratulations. You could be some of our final guests.
Dean: That sounds vaguely ominous.

Susan: Let me guess. You guys are here antiquing?
Dean: How'd you know?
Susan: Oh, you just look the type. So, uh, a king-size bed?
Sam: What?! No, uh no, we're... Two singles. We're just brothers.
Susan: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dean: What'd you mean that we look the type?

Dean: Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?
Sam: Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
Dean: (uncomfortable chuckle) Right.

Dean: Hey, are those antique dolls? ‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home. (grins at Sam) Don’t ya? Huh?
Sam: (reluctantly) Big time.
Dean: Big time. Yeah, you think he could come…well, we could come in and take a look?
Susan: I don’t know…
Dean: Please? I mean he loves them. He’s not gonna tell you this, but he’s always dressing ‘em up in these little tiny outfits and I mean, you’d make his day. She would, huh? Huh?
Sam: (glaring at Dean) It’s true.

Dean: Wow! This is a lotta dolls. Er, they're nice, they're not super-creepy at all...

Dean: You get online. Check old obits, freak accidents, that sort of thing. See if she’s whacked anybody before.
Sam: Right.
Dean: Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.

Sam: You're bossy.
Dean: What?
Sam: You're bossy... and short. (laughs)
Dean: Are you drunk?
Sam: Yeah! So? ...stupid.

Sam: (as Sam is leaning over the toilet) I can still taste the Tequila.
Dean: You know there's a really good hangover remedy, it's a greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray.
Sam: (groaning) I hate you.
Dean: I know you do.

Dean: Hey, it turns out when Grandma Rose was a tyke, she had a Creole nanny who wore a hoodoo necklace.
Sam: So you think she taught Rose hoodoo?
Dean: Yes I do.
Sam: All right. (gets up from toilet bowl, sighing heavily) I think it's time that we talked to Rose then.
Dean: (groans in disgust) You can brush your teeth first.

Sam: This woman's had a stroke.
Dean: Yeah, but hoodoo's hands-on...
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: ...you gotta mix herbs, and chant, and build an altar.
Sam: So it can't be Rose. Heck, maybe it's not even hoodoo.
Dean: You know, she could be faking.
Sam: Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? (Dean nods) Dude, you are not gonna poke her with a stick!

Susan: What the hell happened out there?
Dean: You want the truth?
Susan: Of course.
Dean: Well at first we thought it was some kind of hoodoo curse. But that out there, was definitely a spirit.
Susan: You're insane.
Dean: That's been said.

Susan: I don't believe this.
Dean: Listen, sister, that car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay? I mean I guess it did, technically, but if a spirit can... forget it.

Dean: Feels good to get back in the saddle, doesn't it?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change what we talked about last night, Dean.
Dean: (evasive) We talked about a lotta things last night.
Sam: You know what I mean.
Dean: You were wasted.
Sam: But you weren't. And you promised.
Tyler: I don't like it up here! I'm scared!
Maggie: It's okay, all you have to do is jump!
Tyler: (voice breaking) I can't swim!
Maggie: I know! But it won't hurt...I promise! And then we can be together and no-one will bother us!
Tyler: Why can't you just come with me and Mommy?
Maggie: Because I cam't leave here! (firmly) And you can't leave me! (sees her sad face then says softer) Please? I don't want to be alone!
Rose: (little girl's voice) Margaret? Margaret! (Maggie disappears)
Maggie: (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) Yes? (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) If you did...I'd let them go! (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) But why? I mean you kept me away...for so long! (voice breaks) I thought you didn't love me anymore! (Rose talks to Maggie through telekenises) Okay...Little Sister!
Sam: You've got to get everyone out of here! Your mother, your daughters...everyone!
Susan: (stops crying in shock) I only have one daughter!
Sam: One?
Dean: I thought Tyler had a sister named Maggie!
Susan: (voice breaking) Maggie's imaginary!
Sam: Susan! Where's Tyler?
Sam: Susan do you remember when Tyler started talking about Maggie?
Susan: About a month ago! Just after Mom got sick!
Sam: Do you know anyone by that name?
Susan: No!
Dean: Come on! Think, think!
Susan: My mom! My mom had a sister named Margaret! She barely spoke about her!
Sam: Did Margaret happen to die here when she was a kid?
Susan: She drowned in the pool!

Night Shifter [2.12][edit]

Dean: Well, thanks, Frannie, I think that's all I need.
Frannie: Really? I mean, 'cause I've got more. You know, if you wanted to interview me... some time, in private...?
Dean: Yeah... Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You're a true patriot, you really are. Why don't you write your number down there for me, that'd be good.

Dean: Frigging cops.
Sam: They're just doing their job.
Dean: No, they're doing our job. Only they don't know it, so they suck at it.

Ronald: The thing I let into the bank... wasn't Juan. I mean, it had his face, but it wasn't his face. Ah, every detail was perfect but too perfect, you know, like i-if a dollmaker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan doll.
Sam: A Juan doll?

Ronald: Part man, part machine. Like the Terminator but the kind that can change itself. Make itself look like other people.
Dean: Like from T2.
Ronald: Exactly. See, so not not just a robot. More of a-a-a-a ‘'mandroid‘'.
Sam: A mandroid?

Dean: Man, that has got to be the kicker, straight up. I mean, you tell that poor son of a bitch that - - Wh-what did you say ? Remand the tapes he copied? Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation? That's messed up.
Sam: What, are you pissed at me or something?
Dean: No, I just think it's creepy how good of a fed you are. I mean come on, we could at least thrown the guy a bone. He did some pretty good legwork here.
Sam: [laugh] Mandroid?
Dean: Except for the mandroid part. I liked him. He's not that different from you and me. People think we're crazy.
Sam: Yeah, except he's not a hunter Dean. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he went up against this, he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.
Dean: Yeah, I guess.

Sam: Shapeshifter. Just like back at St. Louis. Same retinal reaction to video.
Dean: Eyes flare at the camera. I hate those freaking things.
Sam: You think I don't?
Dean: Well yeah, but one didn't turn into you and frame you for murder.

Dean: I like him [the security guard], he says 'okey-dokey'.
Sam: What if he's the shifter?
Dean: Well, then we follow him home, put a silver bullet in his chest.

Dean: Looks like Mr. Okey-dokey is... okey-dokey.

Ronald: This is not a robbery! Everybody on the floor, now!

Dean: And you said we shouldn't bring guns.
Sam: I didn't know this was gonna happen, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, just let me do the talking. I don't think he likes you very much, Agent Johnson.

Ronald: I knew it. As soon as you two left. You ain't FBI. Who are you? Who are you working for, huh? The Men in Black? You working for the mandroid ?
Sam: We're not working for the mandroid.
Ronald: You shut up! I ain't talking to you, I don't like you!
Sam: Fair enough.

Dean: I'm not just gonna walk in here naked!

Sherri: (about Dean) Who is that man?
Sam: He’s my brother.
Sherri: He is so brave! (Sam rolls eyes)

Ronald: It's so weird. Its robot skin is so lifelike.
Dean: Okay, let's get something straight. It's-it's not a mandroid. It's a shape-shifter.
Ronald: Shape-shifter?
Dean: Yeah. It's human. More or less. Has human drives, you know. In this case, it's money. But it generates its own skin. It can- it can shape it to match someone else's features. You know. Tall or short or male - -
Ronald: So, it kills someone and takes their place?
Dean: Kills 'em, doesn't kill 'em. I don't think it matters. [Taking a knife on the desk.]
Ronald: What are you doing?
Dean: Nice. Remember the old werewolf stories? Pretty much came from these guys. Silver is the only thing I've seen that hurts them. Come on, Ronald.

Dean: Are you nuts?
Ronald: That’s just it, I’m not nuts. I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles, but this is real! I mean, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing, thank you.
Dean: Yeah, don’t mention it.

(Dean opens vault where hostages are being hidden)
Sherri: Oh my god! You saved us. You saved us!
Dean: Actually, I just found a few more. C'mon everybody, let's go, let's go. (pushes more hostages in)

Dean:Ron!!! Out of the light.

Police Officer: Crap.
Lt. Robarts: What?
Police Officer: The Feds are here.
Lt. Robarts: Ah crap.
Lt. Robarts: (about the Feds taking over the situation) Let me guess. You’re lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.
Hendrickson: I don’t give a rat’s ass what you do. You can go get a doughnut and bang your wife for all I care.

Hendrickson:: [on the phone, in the command center] This is Special Agent Victor Hendrickson.
Dean: Yeah, listen, I'm not really in the negotiating mood right now.
Hendrickson: Good. Me neither.
Dean: So-
Hendrickson:It's my job to bring you in; alive's a bonus but not necessary.
Dean: Whoa. That's kinda harsh for a Federal Agent, don't you think?
Hendrickson: Well, you're not the typical suspect, are you, Dean? [Dean looks horrified] I want you and Sam out here, unarmed. Or we come in. And yes, I know about Sam, too. Bonnie to your Clyde.
Dean: Yeah, well, that part's true, but how'd you even know we were here?
Hendrickson: Go screw yourself, that's how I knew. It's become my job to know about you, Dean. I've been looking for you for weeks now. I know about the murder in St. Louis, I know about the Houdini act you pulled in Baltimore. I know about the desecrations and the thefts. I know about your dad.
Dean: [darkly] Hey, you don't know crap about my dad.
Hendrickson: Ex-marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of whacko he was. White supremacist, Timmy McVeigh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.
Dean: You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero.
Hendrickson: Yeah. Right. Sure sounds like it. You have one hour to make a decision or we come through those doors full automatic.
Dean: [pounds his forehead in frustration as he hangs up the phone.]

Dean: Is that community theater or are you naturally that good?

Dean: We are so screwed.

Houses of the Holy [2.13][edit]

Sam: So, no disturbances lately?
Gloria: You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

Sam: And this angel…
Gloria: Spoke God’s word.
Sam: And the word was… to kill someone?

Dean: Man, you gotta to try this because there really is magic in the magic fingers.
Sam: Dean. You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.

Sam: She's living in a locked ward, and she's totally at peace.
Dean: Oh yeah, you're right. Sounds completely sane.

Dean: You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
Sam: Wait. There's no such thing as unicorns?
Dean: That's cute.

Dean: I’m just saying, man, there’s some legends that you just...you file under “Bull Crap”.
Sam: And you got angels on the “Bull Crap” list?
Dean: Yep.
Sam: Why?
Dean: Because I’ve never seen one.
Sam: So what?
Dean: So, I believe in what I can see.
Sam: Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn’t even dream about.
Dean: Exactly, with our own eyes. That’s hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don’t you think that if they existed, that we would have crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a demon or a spirit. You know? they find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal and they trick them into killing these randoms.

Dean: Well, I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year's, or you might get filleted by hooker from God. HA!
Sam: I’m laughing on the inside.

Dean: Did you bring quarters? (Sam glances at the timer)
Sam: Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.
Dean: What are you talkin' about, I eat!

Father Reynolds: So, you're interested in joining parish?
Dean: Yeah, well you know, we just don't feel right unless we hit church every Sunday. So-
Father Reynolds: Where'd you say you lived before?
Sam: Uh...
Dean: (interrupting) Freedmont, Texas.
Father Reynolds: Really? That's a nice town. St. Theresa's parish. You must know the priest there.
Dean: Sure, yeah... no, it's Father... O'Malley.
Father Reynolds: I know a Father Shaughnessy.
Dean: Shaughnessy. Exactly...what did I say?

Dean: Look, I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a skeptic. But since when are you all Mr. 700 Club? No, seriously, from the get-go, you’ve been willing to buy this angel crap, man. What's next, you're going to start praying everyday?
Sam: I do.
Dean: What?
Sam: I do pray everyday. I have for a long time.
Dean: Things you learn about a guy.

Sam: Dean, I saw an angel! (Dean offers him flask) I don’t want a drink.

Sam: It appeared before me and I just... this feeling washed over me. You know? Like peace. Like grace.
Dean: Okay, ecstasy boy. Maybe we’ll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat.

Sam: Dean, the angel hasn’t been wrong yet! Someone’s gonna do something awful, and I can stop it!
Dean: You know, you’re supposed to be bad, too, Sam. Maybe, maybe I should just stop you right now.
Sam: You know what, Dean, I don’t understand! Why can’t you even consider the possibility?
Dean: What, that this is an angel?
Sam: Yes! Maybe we’re hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God’s will!
Dean: Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You’ve got faith. That's-hey, good for you. I’m sure it makes things easier. I’ll tell you who else had faith like that –- Mom. She used to tell me when she’d tuck me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me.
Sam: You never told me that.
Dean: What’s to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There’s no higher power, there’s no God. There’s just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere. It rips you to shreds. So, you want me to believe in this stuff? I’m gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any?

Dean: We’ll summon Gregory’s spirit.
Sam: What? Here? In the church?
Dean: Yeah. You know, we just, we need a few odds and ends, and that séance ritual in Dad’s journal.
Sam: Ha! A séance, great. I hope Whoopi’s available.

Dean: If Father Gregory's spirit is around, the séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest.
Sam: What if it's an angel? It won't show, nothing will happen.
Dean: Exactly. It's one of the perks of the job, Sam, we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you want to know for sure?

Sam: Dude, all right, I'll admit, we've gone pretty ghetto with spell work before, but this takes the cake! I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
Dean: We'll just put it Spongebob-side down.

Father Reynolds: What are you doing? What is this?
Sam: Father, please, I can explain. Um... actually, maybe I can’t. Um, this is, uh, a séance.
Father Reynolds: A séance? Young man, you are in a house of God!
Sam: It’s based on early Christian rites if that helps any.
Father Reynolds: Enough! (grabs Sam's arm and starts leading him back to the main church) You're coming with me. (a bright light starts shining, behind them)

Father Reynolds: You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels.

Father Reynolds: I prayed for God’s help, not this. What you’re doing is not God’s will. Thou shalt not kill. That’s the word of God.

Sam: I don’t know, Dean, I just, uh... I wanted to believe so badly. It’s so damned hard to do this, what we do. All alone, you know. And…there’s so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up…
Dean: Yeah, well, don’t worry about that, all right? I’m watching out for you.
Sam: Yeah, I know you are. But you’re just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And that maybe I…
Dean: Maybe what?
Sam: Maybe I could be saved.

Sam: Dean, what did you see?
Dean: Maybe... God's will.

Born Under A Bad Sign [2.14][edit]

Sam: I don’t think it’s my blood.
Dean: Whose is it?
Sam: I don’t know.
Dean: Sam, what the hell happened?
Sam: Dean…I don’t remember anything.

Sam: What’d you find out?
Dean: You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. Of course, I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you’re a Bon Jovi fan.

(referring to an old, beat-up VW bug)
Dean: Oh, please tell me you didn’t steal this.

Dean: You getting any goose bumps yet? God-this-looks-familiar, déjà vu vibes?

Dean: This guy? (to Sam) You were drinking malt liquor?
Clerk: Not after he whipped the bottle at my friggin’ head!
Dean: This guy?
Clerk: Wh-what, am I speaking Urdu?...

Clerk: Why don’t you ask him?
Dean: ‘Cause I’m asking you. Now, please, you’d be doing me a huge favor, okay?
Clerk: Oh, do you a favor? Well, that is what I live for.

Dean: You saw him (Sam) smoking?
Clerk: Yeah, guy’s a chimney.

Dean: What’s going on with you, Sam? Hm? ‘Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people –- I mean, that sounds more like me than you.

Dean: You never told me this.
Sam: I didn’t want to scare you.
Dean: Well, bang up job on that.

Dean: No one can control you but you.
Sam: It sure doesn’t seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm-I’m just becoming—
Dean: What?
Sam: Who I’m meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean. I’ve gotta face up to who I am.
Dean: I didn’t mean this!
Sam: But it’s still true! You know that! Dad knew that, too! That’s why he told you if it ever came to this—
Dean: Shut up, Sam!
Sam: Dean, you promised him. You promised me.
Dean: No. Listen to me. We’re gonna figure this out, okay? I mean, there’s gotta be a way, right?
Sam: Yeah, there is. [He takes his gun from his bag and holds it out to Dean.] I don’t wanna hurt anyone else. I don’t wanna hurt you.
Dean: You won’t. Whatever this is…you can fight it.
Sam: No. I can’t. Not forever. [He begins to tear up.] Here, you’ve gotta do it. [He puts the gun in Dean’s hand]
Dean: You know, I’ve tried so hard to keep you safe.
Sam: I know. [Dean pauses for a long time, looking at the gun.]
Dean: I can’t. [beat] I’d rather die. [He drops the gun on the floor.]
Sam: No. You’ll live. [He picks up a second gun and turns to Dean.] You’ll live to regret this. [He knocks Dean out with the gun and leaves the room.]

Manager: It’s past checkout and I’ve got a couple here who needs a room.
Dean: (looks at hooker and customer in hall) Yeah, I bet they do.

Dean: (talking on the phone) Hi, so sorry to bother you but, my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert.. What?.. yeah.. Justin is quite the triple threat.

Sam: (sing-song to Jo) My daddy shot your daddy in the head.

Dean: Sam!
Sam: I begged you to stop me, Dean!
Dean: Put the knife down, damn it!
Sam: I told you, I can’t fight it! My head feels like it’s on fire, all right?! Dean, kill me, or I’m gonna kill her! Please! You’d be doing me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me! [Dean pauses a long time, ready to shoot.]
Dean: No, Sammy, come on. [He lowers the gun.]
Sam: What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you’d rather let Jo die?!

Dean: Why didn’t you kill me? You had a dozen chances.
Sam: Naw, that would have been too easy. Where’s the fun in that? See, this was a test. I wanted to see if I could push you far enough to waste Sam. Should’ve known you wouldn’t have the sack. Anyway, fun’s over now.

Meg possessing Sam): One look at Sam's dewy, sensitive eyes, they'll let me right in their door.

Dean: I'll call you later, okay? (leaves)
Jo: No, you won't.

Bobby: Where’s Dean?
Sam: Holed up somewhere with a girl and a twelve-pack.
Bobby: Yeah? Is she pretty?
Sam: You ask me, he’s in way over his head.

Bobby: Don't try and con a con man

Meg possessing Sam: Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.
Dean: How ‘bout I smack that smartass right outta your mouth?
Demon (Meg possessing Sam): Oh, careful now. Wouldn’t wanna bruise this fine packaging.

Meg possessing Sam: Sam’s still my meat puppet. I’ll make him bite off his tongue.
Dean: No, you won’t be in him long enough. Bobby? [Bobby starts chanting an exorcism] See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up –- [Sam screams in pain] –- you’re not getting Sam. You understand me? ‘Cause I’m gonna kill every one of you first.
Meg possessing Sam: You really think that’s what this is about? The master plan? I don’t give a rat’s ass about the master plan.

Meg possessing Sam: You know, when people wanna describe the worst possible thing, they say, “It’s like hell.” [He punches Dean.] Well, there’s a reason for that. Hell is like –- [he punches Dean again] -- well, it’s like hell. Even for demons. [Another punch.] It’s a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. [Another punch.] And you sent me back there.
Dean: Meg.
Meg possessing Sam: No. Not anymore. Now, I’m Sam. [Another punch.] By the way –- [he grabs Dean’s shoulder, where Dean has a very tender bullet wound] –- I saw your dad there. He says, “Howdy.” All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day, and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow. Like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it’s nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You’re worthless. You couldn’t save your dad. And deep down…you know that you can’t save your brother. They’d have been better off without you.

Dean: Sammy...
Sam: (demon had just left Sam's body): Did I miss anything?
(Dean punches him)

Sam: By the way, you really look like crap, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.

Bobby: Here, take these.
Sam: What are they?
Bobby: Charms. They'll fend off possession. That demon's still out there. This'll stop it from getting back up in ya.
Dean: That sounds vaguely dirty, but er, thanks.

Dean: You OK?
Sam: [doesn't answer]
Dean: Sam? Is that you in there?

Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.
Dean: It was the right move, Sam. It wasn't you.
Sam: Yeah, this time. What about next time?
Dean: Sam, when Dad told me... that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you.

Dean: [starts to laugh]
Sam: What?
Dean: [continues to laugh] Nothing.
Sam: Dean! What!?
Dean: Dude, you [chuckles] you like full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. [both laugh]That's pretty naughty.

Tall Tales [2.15][edit]

Sam: Dude you mind not eating those on my bed?
Dean: No, I don't mind. How’s the research going?
Sam: You know how it’s going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.
Dean: Mm.
Sam: Can you turn that down, please?
Dean: Yeah, absolutely. [He raises the volume louder.]
Sam: You know what? Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while, huh?
Dean: [turning the music off] Hey, I’d love to. That’s a great idea. Unfortunately, my car’s all screwed to hell.

Jen: So now she haunts the building, and anyone who sees her… they don’t live to tell the tale.
Curtis: Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?

Dean: Woah, woah, woah, woah... hold on a minute!!
Sam: What?
Dean: C'mon dude, that's not how it happened!
Sam: No? So you never drank a purple nurple?
Dean: Yeah maybe that, but I don't say things like "fiesty little wildcat" and her name wasn't Starla.
Sam: Then what was it?
Dean: (pauses) I don't know... but she was a classy chick. She was a grad student. Anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.

Starla: My God, you are attractive!
Dean: Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please? Lives are at stake.
Starla: [staring at Dean] I’m sorry, I just… I can’t even concentrate. It’s like staring…into the sun.

Sam: Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah... blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah!

Bobby: You're bickering like an old married couple.
Dean: No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, Siamese twins.
Sam: [angry] It's conjoined twins.
Dean: See what I mean?

Trickster: Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.

Sam: Dude... were you on my computer?
Dean: ...no...
Sam: Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now, on...uh bustyasianbeauties.com?
Sam:Dean! Would you just –- don’t touch my stuff anymore, okay?
Dean: Why don’t you control your OCD?

Dean: You’ve gotta give those Purple Nurples a shot!

Curtis: They did tests on me, and um…[he takes a shot] –- they, uh…they probed me. [Dean and Sam try not to laugh.]
Dean: They probed you?
Curtis: Yeah. They probed me. Again and again and again and –- [takes a shot] –- and again and again and again and then one more time.
Dean: [deadpan] Yikes.
Curtis: And that's not even the worst of it.
Dean: How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch!
Curtis: They… they made me…slow dance!

Sam: I’m telling you, Dean. This was made by some kind of jet engine.
Dean: What? You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?

Sam: Look, man, I know this all has to be so hard.
Frat Boy: Um, not so much...
Sam: But I want you to know…I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… [hugs frat boy] You’re too precious for this world!
(cuts back to Sam and Dean telling the story to Bobby)
Sam: I never said that!
Dean: You're always saying pansy stuff like that.

Dean: These punishments, they’re almost poetic. Well, actually they’d be more like a limerick, but still…

Dean: Why would I take your computer?
Sam: Because no one else could have, Dean. We keep the door locked, we never let any maids in.
Dean: [smirking] Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.

Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.
Dean: What are you talking about? I’m a joy to be around!
Sam: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink? Your food in the fridge?
Dean: What’s wrong with my food?
Sam: It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
Dean: [to himself] I like it.

Sam: How would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?
Dean: It'd be the last thing you ever did.

Bobby: Did you take his computer?
Dean: It serves him right, but no.
Sam: Well, I didn’t lose it. ‘Cause I don’t lose things.
Dean: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, ‘cause he’s Mister Perfect.

Dean: This couldn’t get any weirder.
Sam: Yeah, maybe we should get some help. I’ll call Bobby. Maybe he’s run into something like this before.
Dean: Oh, I’m sure he has. It’s just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it’s simple.

Sam: Hey, give me back my money.
Dean: Oh, no. No. Consider it reparations for emotional trauma.
Sam: Yeah, very funny. Now give it back. [He tries to grab it, but Dean swipes it away.]
Dean: No.
Sam: Dean, I have had it up to here with you.
Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.
[Sam tries again to grab the money, but Dean keeps it out of reach. Sam keeps grabbing until they both fall onto the bed, wrestling for the money.]
Dean: Get off me!
Sam: Give it back!

Bobby: I’m surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off –- Dean did not steal your computer.
Sam: But I—
Bobby: Shh! And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.
Sam: Yeah!
Bobby: And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would’ve been pretty clear.
Dean: What?
Bobby: What you’re dealing with.
Sam: Uh…
Dean: I’ve got nothing.
Sam: Me neither.
Bobby: You’ve got a Trickster on your hands.
Dean: [snapping his fingers] That’s what I thought.
Sam: What? No, you didn’t!

Dean: Look man, I gotta tell you, I dig your style, Alright. I mean, I do. I mean… phew! And the, uh, the slow dancing alien...
Trickster: One of my personal favorites.

Sam: Look, Dean, um, I just wanna say, that I'm, uh...um...
Dean: Hey... me too.
Bobby: You guys are breaking my heart. Can we please just leave?!

Roadkill [2.16][edit]

Molly: Isn't this argument a little archaic? Men can ask directions these days.
David: No we can't. It's against our genetic code.

Dean: Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
Molly: How did you know that?
Dean: Lucky guess.

Sam: It wasn't a coincidence that we found you, all right.
Molly: What are you talking about?
Dean: We weren't just cruisin' for chicks when we ran into you, sister, we were already out here... hunting.
Molly: Hunting for what?
Dean: (pauses) Ghosts.
Sam: (sarcastically) Don't sugarcoat it for her.

Dean: Follow the creepy brick road.

Dean: You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house.

Molly: I don't understand how a guy like this can turn into that monster.
Sam: Well, spirits like Greely are like wounded animals. Lost... in so much pain they... that they lash out.
Molly: Why? Why are they here?
Sam: There's some part of them that... that's keeping them here. Like their remains, or unfinished business.
Molly: Unfinished business?
Sam: Yeah. It could be revenge. It could be love, or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped. Caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over.
Molly: You sound almost sorry for them.
Sam: Well, they weren't evil people, you know. A lot of them were good, just something happened to them. Something they couldn't control.
Dean: Sammy's always gettin' a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to this. Me, I don't like 'em. And I'm sure as hell ain't makin' apologies for 'em.

Dean: It smells like old lady in here.[after seeing the corpse] And that would explain why.

Sam: It's an old country custom, Dean, planting a tree as a grave marker.
Dean: [Pauses] You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.
Sam: Yeah, I know.

Molly: [after Dean saves her from Greely] Oh, thank God!
Dean: Call me Dean.

Sam: Dean, I don't think she knows she's dead.

Sam: Look if you wanna go in there, we're not gonna stop you.
Dean: Yeah, but you are gonna freak him right out.. for life.

Dean: I guess she wasn't so bad. For a ghost. You think she's really going to a better place?
Sam: I hope so.
Dean: I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?
Sam: It doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point.
Dean: Well alright, Haley Joel, let's hit the road.

Heart [2.17][edit]

Dean: And the lunar cycles?
Sam: Uh-huh. Yeah, month after month all the murders happen in the week leading up to the full moon.
Dean: Which is this week, right?
Sam: Hence the lawyer.
Dean: Awesome.
Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?
Dean: I'm sorry man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids.
Sam: Okay, Sparky. And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!

[The Brothers are interviewing Madison about her boss]
Madison: You got a few scotches in him and he started hitting on anyone in a five mile radius. You know the type.
Sam: [glances at Dean] Yeah, I do.

[The Brothers are checking Madison's boyfriend's apartment]
Sam: Anything?
Dean: Nah, nothin' but leftovers and a six-pack.
Sam: Check the freezer. Maybe there's some human hearts behind the Haagen Daz or something.

Dean: You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick.
Sam: Dude, why do you get always get to hang out with the girls?
Dean: Because I'm older.
Sam: No, screw that. We settle this the old fashion way. [They do rock, paper, scissors. Dean chooses scissors and loses.] Dean always with the scissors.
Dean: Shut up, shut up. Two out of three! [They do rock paper scissors again and Dean chooses scissors and loses again.]

[Sam and Madison have just finished watching a few episodes of All My Children, which Sam seems to be enthralled with]
Sam: Wait, so, so Kendall married Ethan's father just to get back at him?
Madison: Yup and now she's set to inherit all the casinos that were supposed to go to Ethan.
Sam: What a bitch!

[At a strip club]
Dean: I found him.
Sam: Good?! Don't take your eyes off of him.
[Dean takes a glance past the stripper whose dancing in front of him to Madison's ex-boyfriend. Then he looks back at the stripper.]
Dean: Oh yeah, my eyes are glued.

Dean: [Walks in and sees Madison tied to a chair.] How you doing? My head feels great, thanks.

Sam: She says she has no idea what I'm talking about.
Dean: She's lying.
Sam: Or maybe she really doesn't know she's changing, you know? Maybe...maybe when the creature takes over, she blacks out.
Dean: Like a really hot Incredible Hulk. Come on dude, she ganked her boss and her ex-boyfriend. That doesn't sound rash and unconscious.
Sam: Yeah, but what if it was Dean? I mean, what if some animal part of her brain saw both of those guys as threats? Hell the cop, too.
Dean: What are you the dog whisperer now?

Madison: You know for a stake out, your car's a bit conspicuous. What are you still doing here?
Dean: Honestly? Ah...We're pretty sure you're not gonna turn tonight, but we gotta be 100%. So...You know, we're...lurking.

Hollywood Babylon [2.18][edit]

Dean: Sammy, check it out. It's Matt Damon.
Sam: Yeah, pretty sure that's not Matt Damon.
Dean: No, it is.
Sam: Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
Dean: Yeah, well he's probably researching a role or something.

Sam: They're saying the set's haunted.
Dean: Like Poltergeist?
Sam: It could be a poltergeist.
Dean: No, no, no, the movie Poltergeist... You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you?

Dean: What's a PA?
Sam: I think they're kinda like slaves.

McG: Marty, what do you think?
Martin: Not married to salt, what do you want? We still sticking with condiments?
McG: Just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?
Walter Dixon: Aww, ya gotta be kidding me.
Martin: [Aside] What would a ghost be scared of?
Martin: Maybe shotguns.
McG: K, that makes even less sense than salt.

Dean: This map is totally worth the five bucks. Hey, we gotta go check out Joey Ramone's grave when we're done.
Sam: You wanna dig him up too?
Dean: Bite your tongue, heathen.

Sam: You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. 'Cause, I mean, it kinda does.

Martin: (after Dean saves his life) You are one hell of a P.A.

Dean: (Imitating John McClane) Come out to the coast. We'll get together. Have a few laughs.

Tara: (after Dean leaves her trailer) You're one hell of a P.A.

Folsom Prison Blues [2.19][edit]

Dean: (Taking a mug shot photo) I call this one my Blue Steel.

Dean: Well it's about time. I'll have a cheeseburger...extra onions.
Hendrickson: You think you're funny.
Dean: I think I'm adorable.

Dean: (walking into the prison) Don't worry, Sam. I promise I won't trade you for smokes.

Sam: (asking about Mark Moody, the guy Dean consider to be the ghost) You're sure it's him?
Dean: Pretty sure.
Sam: Dean, considering our circumstances I'm gonna need a little bit better than 'pretty sure'.
Dean: Really pretty sure.

Criminal: Are you talking to me? I said are you talking to me?
Dean: Oh great, another guy who's seen Taxi Driver one to many times.

Dean: I said I wish I had a baseball. You know, like Steve McQueen.
Lucas: Yeah? Well, I wish I had a bat. So to bash your freaking head in.
Dean: Yeah. So much for the bonding solitary moment.

Randall: Why're you inside kid?
Sam: Cause I got an idiot for a brother.
Randall: That'll do it.

Dean: (after winning a poker game and collecting the won cigarettes) It's like picking low hanging fruit.
Sam: You don't even smoke.
Dean: Are you kidding me? It's the currency of the realm.

Dean: How we gonna get in?
Sam: I got a plan.
Dean: That's the Sammy I know. Come on, man, you're like Clint Eastwood from 'Escape from Alcatraz'.
Sam: The problem is even if we do find something, how are we gonna burn it? We don't have any accelerant.
Dean: It's a good thing I'm like James Garner from 'The Great Escape'. (continues collecting the cigarettes)

Dean: (asking about Sam's distracting attention plan) Are you sure about this?
Sam: "Pretty sure."
Dean: "Considering the circumstances I'd like a little better than 'pretty sure'."
Sam: "Okay... really pretty sure"

Dean: (lining for noodles) I'd like mine al dente.

Dean: Save room for dessert, Tiny, hehehe. Hey, I'd wanna ask you, 'cos I couldn't help but notice that you are two tons of fun. Just curious, is it like thyroid problem or is this some deep seeded self-esteem issue? 'Cause you know, they're just donuts, they're not love.

Dean: (Talking about a guy who was killed) Poor Tiny, man. Poor giant Tiny.

(After Dean tells Sam that the ghost chased after him.)
Sam: Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?
Dean: No, not really.

Deacon: (breaking up Sam and Dean's fight, grabs Dean) Alright, hard case, I see the usual methods ain't gonna work with you. (throws Dean at another guard who handcuffs him, grabs Sam by his collar) You too, sweetheart.

Dean: (receiving letter from the lawyer) Would you look at that? I am freaking velvety smooth.
Sam: You maybe wanna open it up after, you know, you're done slapping yourself on the back?

Dean: (after finding Impala outside the prison) Oh man, are you a sight for sore eyes.

Sam: I thought we were screwed before.
Dean: Yeah, yeah, I know, we gotta go deep this time.
Sam: Deep? Dean, we should go to Yemen!
Dean: I'm not sure I'm ready to go that deep.

What Is And What Should Never Be [2.20][edit]

Sam: Dean?
Dean: Sam.
Sam: What's going on?
Dean: I don't know. I don't know where I am.
Sam: What? What happened?
Dean: The Djinn, it.. it attacked me.
Sam: The Gin? You're drinking Gin?

Professor: Well, I don't think I've seen you in my class before.
Dean: Are you kiddn' me? I love your lectures. You... [thinks, grinning] ... you make learning fun.

[repeated line to Dean] Have you been drinking?
(Sam, his mother, Professor, Carmen)

Dean: How did I end up with such a cool chick?
Carmen: I just got low standards.

Dean: We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother.
Sam: You're my brother?
Dean: Yeah!
Sam: You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nayv.
Dean: Who?
Sam: Uh, my prom date. On prom night.
Dean: [under his breath] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me.

Dean: I'm dating a nurse. That is so...respectable.

Dean: [to his Dad's grave] So go hunt the Djinn. It put you here, it could put you back. Your happiness for all these people's lives. No contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married.. Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? It's [long pause] yeah.. [walks away]

Dean: [Sam hears someone downstairs and goes looking with a baseball bat. Dean puts him down] That was so easy, I'm embarrassed for you.

Dean: Bitch.
Sam: What are you calling me a bitch for?
Dean: You're supposed to say Jerk.
Sam: What?
Dean: ... never mind.

Sam: I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy.
Dean: It wasn't. It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to live. Mom never died, we never went hunting and you and me just never... ya know.
Sam: Well, I'm glad we do.

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1 [2.21][edit]

Dean: Don't forget the extra onions this time!
Sam: Dude, I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions.
Dean: Hey, see if they've got any pie. Bring me some pie. I love me some pie.

Sam: I have visions. I see things before they happen.
Ava: Yeah. Me, too.
Andy: Yeah, and I can put thoughts into people's heads. Like, make them do stuff. Oh, but don't worry, I don't think it works on you guys. Oh, but get this -- I've been practicing. Training my brain, like meditation. Right? So now, it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too. Like, anything I want. It's just like: Bam! They see it. This one guy I know -- total dick, right? I used it on him: gay porn. All hours of the day. [laughs] It was just like...you should have seen the look on his face.

Jake: Salt is a weapon?
Sam: It's a brave new world.

Andy: (reading Dean's receipt) D. Hasselhoff?
Sam: Yeah. It's Dean's signature. It's hard to explain.

Dean: (just had a vision) That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.

Sam: I thought we were supposed to be...
Azazel: Soldiers? In the coming war? That's true. You are. But here's the thing. I don't need soldiers. I need... soldier. I just need the one.

Azazel: (To Sam) You're though, you're smart, you're well-trained; thanks to your daddy. Sam, Sammy, you're my favourite!"

Sam: What about my mom?
Azazel: That was bad luck.
Sam: Bad luck?
Azazel: She walked in... on us, wrong place wrong time.
Sam: What does that mean?
Azazel: It wasn’t about her, it was about you, its always been about you.

Dean: (to Sam as he's dying, seeing the wound) Look at me. It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Sammy? Sam! Hey! Listen to me. We're going to patch you up, okay? You'll be as good as new. Huh? I'm gonna take care of you? I'm going to take care of you; I've got you, that's my job, right? Watch after my pain in the ass little brother. (realizes Sam is already dead) Sam? Sam? Sam?! Sammy?! No. No, no, no, no. Oh no come on. Oh God. (pulls Sam's body against his and yells) SAM!

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 2 [2.22][edit]

Bobby: I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down... End-of-the-world-big...
Dean: [shouting] Well, then let it end!

Azazel: Howdy, Jake.
Jake: I - I'm dreaming, aren't I.
Azazel: I got a genius on my hands. Well congratulations, Jake, you're it. Last man standing. The American Idol. I have to admit, you weren't the horse I was bettin' on. But still, I gotta give it to you.
Jake: [scared] Go... to hell.
Azazel: Been there. Done that.

Dean: [to Sammy, before going to Crossroads] You know, when we were little, you couldn't have been more than five, you'd just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom; why do we always have to move around; where'd Dad go.. when he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you, quit askin' Sammy, man, you don't wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. This was always my responsibility, you know. It's like, I had one job. I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy... God... What am I supposed to do? [screams] What am I supposed to do?

Bobby: (about Sam being alive) What did you do? [Dean doesn't answer, Bobby grabs and shakes him] What did you do? You made a deal for Sam didn't you? How long did they give you?
Dean: Bobby...
Bobby: How long!
Dean: One year.
Bobby: Damn it, Dean!
Dean: Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. Its why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean,I got nothing to lose now, right?
Bobby: [grabs Dean again] I could throttle you!
Dean: What? And send me downstairs ahead of schedule?

Azazel: [to Dean] How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that: "What's dead should stay dead."

Azazel: [about to kill Dean with the Colt] I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family!
[The spirit of John Winchester appears and overpowers Azazel long enough for Dean to retrieve the Colt and kill him with it. Dean and Sam share an emotional moment with their father before he disappears]

Sam: [Standing over Azazel's dead body] I kinda can't believe it Dean. I mean, our whole lives, everything, has been prepping for this. And now I...I kinda don't know what to say.
Dean: I do. [to Azazel's body] That was for our ma, you son of a bitch!

Sam: How long do you get?
Dean: One year. I get one year.
Sam: You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?
Dean: Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to look out for you. That's my job!
Sam: And what do you think my job is?
Dean: What?
Sam: You save my life! Over and over! Man, you sacrifice everything for me! Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

Dean: [Drops the spent Colt in the trunk] We got work to do.

Season 3[edit]

The Magnificent Seven [3.1][edit]

Bobby: Where's your brother?
Sam: Polling the electorate.
Bobby: What?
Sam: Never mind.

Sam: Let me see your knife.
Dean: What for?
Sam: So I can gouge my eyes out. (laughs)
Dean: It was a beautiful, natural act, Sam.
Sam: That's a part of you I never wanted to see, Dean.

Bobby: So, we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?
Dean: Well, sold my soul. Got a year to live. I ain't sweatin' the cholesterol

Isaac: A family that slays together...

Isaac: I've locked my keys in the car, turned my laundry pink... never brought on the end of the world, though.

Sam: Dean, what're you doing?
Dean: Comforting the bereaved. What're you doing?
Sam: Workin'. Dead body, possible demon attack, that kinda stuff.
Dean: (fake coughing) Sam, I'm sorry. It's just, you know, I don't have much time left. And, uh... (more coughing) ...gotta make every second count.

Bobby: Did you boys find anything around here?
Sam: No sulfur, nothing.
Dean: Well, maybe something. (looks at security camera) See? I’m working.

Bobby: You sure this is the right place?
Dean: No. But I spent all day canvasing this stupid town with this guy's stupid mug, and supposedly he drinks at this stupid bar...

Sam: It's suicide, Dean!
Dean: So what? I'm dead already!

Bobby: Do you have any idea who we’re up against?
Dean: No, who?
Bobby: The Seven Deadly Sins, live and in the flesh.
Dean: (laughs) What’s in the box? (silence) Brad Pitt... Se7en... no? (shuts up as Bobby hits him with a book)

Dean: What do you want?
Envy: We already have what we want.
Dean: What’s that?
Envy: We’re out, we’re free. Thanks to you, my kind are everywhere.

Envy: Some people crochet, others golf. Me? I like to see people's insides on their outside.

Envy: You really think you’re better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone, huh? What about you, Dean? You’re practically a...a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.

Sam: Look, if we’re going down, we’re going down together.

Bobby: (to Gluttony) "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son".

Dean: I suppose you're Lust.
Lust: Baby, I’m whatever you want me to be.
Dean: Yeah, alright. Just stay back.
Lust: Or what?
Dean: Good point.

Pride: Come on. You really think something like that is gonna fool someone like me? I mean me.
Sam: Let me guess. You're Pride.

Sam: Who the hell are you?
Ruby: I’m the girl that just saved your ass.

Dean: You look like hell warmed over.
Bobby: You try exorcising all night, see how you feel.
Sam: Any survivors, Bobby?
Bobby: Well, the pretty girl and the heavy guy, they’ll make it. A lifetime of therapy bills ahead, but still…

Dean: I'm just gonna ask it again... who was that masked chick? Actually, the more troubling question would be, "How come a girl can fight better than you?"
Sam: Three demons, Dean... at once.
Dean: Hey, whatever it takes to get you through the night, pal.
Sam: If you want a troubling question I got one for ya.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: If we let out the Seven Deadly Sin's, what else did we let out?
Dean: (pause) You're right. That is troubling.

Sam: Hey Bobby, we can win this war, right?
Bobby: (silence) Catch you on the next one.

Sam: I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and... I don't care anymore.
Dean: That didn't last long.

Sam: You’re a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? ‘Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing… to me. What you did was selfish.
Dean: Yeah. You’re right. Was selfish. But I’m okay with that.
Sam: I’m not.
Dean: Tough. After everything I’ve done for this family, I think I’m entitled.

Dean: I don’t know. It’s like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sam: That’s hellfire, Dean.
Dean: Eh, whatever.

Dean: I got a year to live, Sam. I’d like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell, huh?
Sam: You’re unbelievable.
Dean: Very true.

Sam: We don't know how many of them there are!
Bobby: Yeah we do! There are seven of them!
Tamara: I don't give a rats ass if they're "the Three Stooges" or "the Four Tops"!

The Kids are Alright [3.2][edit]

Sam: (trying to cover up his phone call) Oh, I was just ordering pizza.
Dean: Dude, you do realize that you’re in a restaurant?
Sam: Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah... (lamely) I just felt like pizza, y’know?
Dean: Okay... Weirdy McWeirderton.

Sam: So let me get this straight. You want to drive all the way to Cicero just to hook up with some random chick?
Dean: She was a yoga teacher. That was the bendiest weekend of my life!

Sam: How many dying wishes are you going to get?
Dean: As many as I can squeeze out.

Dean: Come on, smile, Sam. God knows I'm going to be smiling after 24 hours with Gumby girl. (chuckles) Gumby Girl... does that make me Pokey?

Ben: (about the moon-bounce) You know who else thinks they're awesome? Chicks! It's like hot-chick city out there!

Ruby: (eating a French fry) Mmm, these are amazing. It's like deep fried crack. Try some.

Sam: That knife you had... you can kill demons with that thing?
Ruby: Sure comes in handy when I have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress.
Sam: Where'd you get it?
Ruby: Sky Mall.

Sam: Why are you following me?
Ruby: I'm interested in you.
Sam: Why?
Ruby: Because you're tall. I love a tall man!

Ben: No, don't go over there. Only bitches send a grown-up.
Dean: You're not wrong.
Ben: And I'm not a bitch.

Dean: (points to large kid with Ben's game) Is that Humphrey? The one that needs to lay off the burgers?

Dean: What? Somebody had to teach him to kick a bully in the nads.

Dean: We'll just bust in, drag the kids out, torch them in the front lawn. That'll play great with the neighbors.

Dean: Y’know how I never mentioned my job? This is my job.
Lisa: I so didn’t want to know that.

Lisa: Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.
Dean: You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would have been proud to be his dad.

Sam: You're a demon!
Ruby: Don't be such a racist.

Sam: Why would you wanna help me?
Ruby: I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I wanna help you from time to time. That's all... And if you let me, there's something in it for you.
Sam: What could you possibly...
Ruby: I could help you save your brother.

Bad Day at Black Rock [3.3][edit]

Kubrick: Don't play with my Jesus.

Dean: (reading from trophy) 1995.
Sam: No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy! I can't believe he kept this.
Dean: Yeah, it's probably the closest you ever came to being a boy. Oh, wow! It’s my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade.

Sam: Hi, uh, table for two please.
Waiter: Congratulations!!!!
Dean: Exciting, I know.

Dean: Wow! You suck.

Dean: Sam? You okay?
Sam: (from the floor) Yeah, I'm good!

Sam: (despondently) I lost my shoe.

(Dean leads Sam into a motel room)
Sam: What am I even supposed to do, Dean?
Dean: Nothing, nothing! Come here. I don't want you doing- anything! I want you to sit right here, and don't move! Okay? Don't turn on the light, don't turn off the light, don't even scratch your nose!
Sam: (mouthing the words) scratch my nose? (checks to see that Dean has left, then scratches his nose)

Kubrick: I used to think your friend Gordon sent me.
Sam: (tied to a chair) Gordon-!? Oh, come on!
Kubrick: Yeah, 'cause he asked me to track you down... and put a bullet in your brain.
Sam: Great. That sounds like him.

Dean: So you’re only out for yourself, huh? It’s all about number one?
Bela: Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can’t be saved?
Dean: Well, aren’t you a glass half-full?

Dean: If it's any consolation, I think you're a truly awful person. (Bela shoots at Dean) See ya!

Dean: I'm Batman.
Sam: (sarcastically) Yeah, you're Batman.

Bela: (training a gun on Sam and Dean) Put the foot down honey!
Dean: You're not gonna shoot anybody. See, I happen to be able to read people. Okay, you're a thief, fine, but you're not gonna - (Bela shoots Sam) Son of a--!
Bela: Back off, tiger. Back off. You make one more move, and I'll pull the trigger. You've got the luck, Dean. You, I can't hit. But your brother? (aims the gun at him again) Him, I can't miss.
(pause)
Dean: What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!
Bela: Relax it's just a shoulder hit! (sees Dean's face) I CAN aim!
Bela: Thanks very much. I'm now out one and a half million and on the bad side of a very powerful, fairly psychotic buyer
Dean: Wow... I really don't feel bad about that. Sam?
Sam: Nope. Not even a little.

Dean: Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away.

Dean: SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kubrik: Sam Winchester is more than a monster. He's the Adversary.
Gordon And what was it that convinced you?
Kubrik: God led me to him, and His will is clear.
Gordon: (nodding slowly) Okay. That's great. Glad to have you on board.

Sin City [3.4][edit]

Dean: There’s got to be a demon or two in South Beach.
Sam: Sorry, Hef, maybe next time.

Dean: (about the Colt) So if we wanna go check out these omens in Ohio, think you can have that thing ready by this afternoon?
Bobby: Well, it won’t kill demons by then, but I can promise it’ll kill you.

Dean: (referring to Richie) No way he gets a girl like that. I mean, look at her. You could fit that ass on a nickel.

Sam: No offense, but what are you doing here, Father?
Father Gil: Like it or not, you go where your flock is.
Casey: Plus the clergy drinks for free.

Sam: You drink hurricanes?
Dean: I do now.

Richie: Wow, this is, er, charming. You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a bedroom, or, uh, my motel room? I mean, not for nothing, but you know... I got oils.
Casey: But I have toys.
Richie: Yeah, no, toys trump oils.

Sam: (on Dean not eating the hamburger in front of him) You do realize there is red meat within striking distance, right?

Ruby: Cute piece.
Bobby: Who are you?
Ruby: Won't stop a demon, if that's what you think.
Bobby: How the hell would you know?
Ruby: Oh, I don't know... (blackens her eyes) Call it an educated guess.
Bobby: Well, ain't I lucky then? Found a subject for a test fire...
(Bobby raises the Colt)
Ruby:(laughs)Luck had nothing to do with it. But hey, by all means, take your best shot.
(Bobby hesitates, Ruby becomes impatient)
Ruby: Ugh...are you gonna stand there like a pantywaist? Or are you gonna shoot-!
(Bobby shoots her, she looks down at the wound, then looks back at Bobby)
Ruby: Ouch. This smarts a little...
Bobby: What do you want?
Ruby: Peace on earth, a new shirt...Now, do you want me to help you out with that gun, or not?

Hooker: Normally I charge four hundred a night. Why don't we call it an even deuce, and get the hell out of here?
Dean: What do I look like?
Hooker: What do I look like? Cheapskate.
Casey: Did I just see you strike out with a prostitute? How's that work?

Dean: Oh, I forgot to mention, Richie was a friend of mine. When I realized I could track the GPS on his cell phone I swung by earlier, to give him a proper burial. It's better than rotting in some skank's basement.

Dean: What are you laughing at, bitch? You're still trapped.
Casey: So are you... bitch.

Dean: Why do you demons have such smart mouths.
Casey: It’s a gift.

Dean: (trying an exorcism from memory) Spiritus emundi, undalara, persona tote… (trails off, lost)
Casey: Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza. Guess you should have paid more attention in Latin class.
Dean: I don't know what you're smiling about, you're not going anywhere.
Casey: And apparently neither are you.
Dean: Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me and uh... he did pay attention in class.
Casey: Oh, right - Sam. Everyone say's he's the brains of the outfit.
Dean: Everyone?
Casey: Sure. You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but you know.

Bartender: What’s wrong with you? Think, I’m gonna give you a coworker’s address just so you can go over there and get your freaky peeping tom rocks off? (Sam hands him money) Corner of Piermont and Clinton. Have fun.

Casey: Why don't you relax?
Dean: Why don't you kiss my ass?
Casey: Why, Dean, you're a poet. I had no idea.

Casey: Hey, I didn't pull any triggers.
Dean: Yeah? You did something.
Casey: You want to know what I did -- what I really did? I had lunch.
Dean: Lunch?
Casey: Me and Trotter. He had a cheeseburger, I had a salad, and I just pointed out the money that could be made with a few businesses that cater to harmless vice. So Trotter built it, and, man, did they come. Supposedly god-fearing folk, waist-deep in booze, sex, gambling. I barely lifted a finger.
Dean: That's it?
Casey: You don't get it. All you got to do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big,fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win.
Dean: And that's how it ends?
Casey: No. That's how it begins.

Casey: (to Dean) I mean this past century, you people racked up a body count that amazed even us. It's our turn now. And we're gonna do it right this time.

Casey: So you see? Is my kind really all that different than yours?
Dean: Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.
Casey: And humans are such a lovable bunch. Dick Cheney.
Dean: He one of yours?
Casey: Not yet. But let's just say he's got a parking spot reserved for him downstairs.

Casey: Why, Dean. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s lust in your eyes. Well, it would be one way to spend the time. But I don’t think you’d respect me in the morning.
Dean: That’s okay: I mean hey, I barely respect you now.

Dean: Azazel?
Casey: What, you think his friends just called him Yellow-Eyes? He had a name.

Dean: Think something's wrong with my brother?
Bobby: Nah. Demons lie. I'm sure Sam's okay.
Dean: (doubtfully) Yeah.

Sam: For some reason, you’re fighting on our side. Now tell me: why is that, again?
Ruby: Go screw yourself, that’s why.

Ruby: (to Sam) On the bright side, I'll be there with you - that little fallen angel on your shoulder.

Bedtime Stories [3.5][edit]

Kyle: This guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?
Sam: Can't imagine anything worse.

Sam: Actually, I do have a theory. Sort of.
Dean: Hit me.
Sam: Well, I'm thinking about fairy tales.
Dean: Oh, that’s... that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?

Sam: Then we got the three brothers, arguing over how to build houses, attacked by the big, bad wolf.
Dean: Three little pigs.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Actually, those guys were a little chubby.

Dean: I thought all those things ended with everyone living happily ever after.
Sam: No, no, not the originals. See, the Grimm Brothers stuff was kind of like the folklore of its day, full of sex, violence, cannibalism. Now, it got sanitized over the years and turned into Disney flicks and bedtime stories.
Dean: So you think the murders are what, a re-enactment? That's a little crazy.
Sam: Crazy as what? Every day of our lives?
Dean: Touché.

Sam: (staring at frog on the road) Yeah, you’re right, that's completely normal.
Dean: All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.
Sam: (gesturing to pumpkin on porch) Hey, check that out.
Dean: Yeah? It's close to Halloween.
Sam: Remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into the coach and the mice that become horses?
Dean: Dude! Could you be more gay? Don't answer that.

Sam: I think it's Snow White.
Dean: Snow White? Ah, I saw that movie. Oh, porn version anyways. There was this wicked Stepmother (hoots) she was wicked.

Dean: You find a way to stop Callie, all right.
Sam: What about you?
Dean: I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Dr. Garrison: You're not a cop, are you?
Sam: No.
Dr. Garrison: Then who are you?
Sam: Someone who knows a little bit about this kind of thing.

Dean: See you around, Doc.
Dr. Garrison: I sure hope not.

Dean: You know what he said. Some good advice.
Sam: Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?

Crossroad Demon: What can I do for you, Sam?
Sam: You can beg for your life.
Crossroad Demon: We were having such a nice conversation. Then you had to go and ruin the mood.
Sam: If I were you, I’d drop the wisecracks and start acting scared.
Crossroad Demon: It’s not my style. That's not the original Colt. Where did you get that? Ruby. Had to be. She is such a pain in my ass. She'll get what's coming to her. You can count on it.

Crossroad Demon: Aren’t you tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren’t you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You’re stronger than Dean. You’re better than him.
Sam: Watch your mouth.
Crossroad Demon: Admit it. You’re here, going through the motions, but truth is, you’ll be a tiny bit relieved when he’s gone.
Sam: Shut up.
Crossroad Demon: No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.

Sam: Who's your boss? Who holds the contract?
Crossroad Demon: He's not as cuddly as me, I can tell you that.
Sam: Who is it?
Crossroad Demon: I can't tell you. I’m sorry, Sam, but there’s no way out of this one. Not this time.

Red Sky at Morning [3.6][edit]

(Sam and Dean are in the car, Dean looks pissed)
Dean: So, I've been waiting since Maple Springs. You got something to tell me?
Sam: It's not your birthday..
Dean: No.
Sam: (thinks hard) ...Happy Purim?
(Dean gives Sam an angry look, Sam laughs)
Sam: Dude, I don't know! I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dean: There's a bullet missing from the Colt. You want to tell me how that happened? I know it wasn't me, so unless you were shooting at some incredibly evil cans.
Sam: Dean.
Dean: You went after her didn't you? The Crossroads Demon, after I told you not to.
Sam: Yeah, well.
Dean: You could have gotten yourself killed.
Sam: I didn't.
Dean: And you shot her?
Sam: She was a smartass.

Dean: What a crazy old broad.
Sam: Why, because she believes in ghosts?
Dean: Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
Sam: Bite me.
Dean: Hey, not if she bites you first.

Dean: So what happens? You see the ship and then a few hours later you pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye.
Sam: Basically.
Dean: What's the next step?
Sam: I gotta ID the boat.
Dean: That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, how many three-mast clipper ships have wrecked off the coast?
Sam: I checked that too actually, over 150.
Dean: Wow!
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Crap.
Sam: Mm-hmm.

Dean: This is where we parked the car, right?
Sam: I thought so.
Dean: Where's my car?
Sam: Did you feed the meter?
Dean: Yes, I fed the meter. Sam, where's my car? Somebody stole my car!
Sam: Hey, hey, calm down, Dean.
Dean: I am calmed down. Somebody stole my c... :(starts to hyperventilate)
Sam: Wow, Dean. Hey-hey-hey-hey, take it easy, take it easy.
Bela: The 67' Impala, was that yours?
Sam: Bela...
Bela: I'm sorry, I had that car towed.
Dean: You what?
Bela: Well, it was in a tow-away zone.
Dean: No, it wasn't!
Bela: It was when I finished with it.

Sam: How do you sleep at night?
Bela: On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.

Sam: You shot me.
Bela: I barely grazed you.
(Dean rolls eyes)
Bela: Cute. But a bit of a drama queen, yeah?

Bela: (to Dean) Now, I'd get to that car if I were you, before they find that arsenal in the trunk. Ciao.

Dean: Can I shoot her?
Sam: Not in public.

Bela: I see you got your car back.
Dean: You really want to come near me when I got a loaded gun in my hands?
Bela: Now, now. Mind your blood pressure.

Dean: Hey, Bela, how'd you get like this? Huh? What, your daddy not give you enough hugs or something?
Bela: I don't know. Your daddy give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.
Dean: We help people.
Bela: Come on! You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.
(Dean looks over to Sam)
Bela: Whereas I on the other hand, I get paid to do a job, and I do it. So you tell me, which is healthier?
Sam: Bela, why don't you just leave? We've got work to do.
Bela: Yeah. You're 0 for 2. Bang up job so far.

Peter: You guys aren't cops. Not dressed like that, not-not in that crappy car.
Dean: Whoa, hey, no need to get nasty.

Dean: You can't save everybody, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, right, so, so… what? You feel better now, or what?
Dean: No, not really.
Sam: Me neither.
Dean: You got to understand…
Sam: It’s just lately I feel like I can't save anybody.

Bela: So, how'd things go last night with Peter?
(Sam gives angry look)
Bela: That well, huh.
Dean: If you say "I told you so," I swear to God, I'll start swinging.

Bela: I think the three of us should have a heart-to-heart.
Dean: That's assuming you have a heart.

Dean: A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.

Bela: What is taking so long? Sam's already halfway there. With his date.
Dean: (upstairs) I am so not okay with this!
Bela: What are you, a woman? Come down already.
(Dean walks down steps, Bela gasps)
Dean: All right, get it out. I look ridiculous.
Bela: Not exactly the word I'd use.

Bela: You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.
Dean: (after thinking hard) Don't objectify me.

Sam: Exactly how long do you expect me to entertain my date?
Bela: As long as it takes.
Dean: Look. There's security all over this place, alright. This is an uncrashable party, without Gert's invitation, so.
Sam: We can crash anything, Dean.
Dean: Yeah I know, but this is easier and it's a lot more entertaining.
Sam: You know, there are limits to what I'll do, right?
Dean: Ah, he's playing hard-to-get. That's cute.

Bela: What do you suggest?
Dean: I’m thinking…
Bela: Don’t strain yourself.

(about Bela to the Guard)
Dean: You think she's a pain in the ass now, try living with her.

Bela: (to Dean) I didn't want you thinking... you're not very good at that. Oh, look at you, searching for a witty rejoinder.
Dean: Screw you.
Bela: Very Oscar Wilde.

Guard: (knocking on door, looking for Dean and Bela after Bela pretended to faint) Sir? Ma'am? Everything alright?
Bela: (answers door, holding the top of her dress up) Hi.
Guard: Feeling better, I see?
Bela: Yes, much. Thank you.
Guard So if you're done with the room?
Bela: Well...Not exactly. Could we have a few more minutes?
Guard: Um...Yes, ma'am.
(Bela closes the door and the guard starts back down the hall)
Bela Stop it! That tickles!
(the guard runs into Dean coming up the stairs)
Dean: Oh! Sorry. Uh...Nature called.
Guard: Uh-huh.
Dean: (nodding towards the room Bela's in) Thanks for looking after my wife.
Guard: Oh, she's being looked after alright.

Bela: I'm going to go get Gert into a cold shower.

Dean: (to Sam) You stink like sex.

Dean: (about Bela) You know what? You're right. I’m not going to kill her. I think slow torture’s the way to go.

Dean: I can’t BELIEVE she got another one over on us!
Sam: You.
Dean: What?
Sam: I mean, she got one over on you, not us.
Dean: Thank you, Sam! Very helpful.

Bela: I sold it. I had a buyer lined up as soon as I knew it existed.
Sam: So the whole reason for us goin' to the charity ball was...?
Bela: I needed a cover. You were convenient.
Sam: Look you sold it to a buyer, just go buy it back.
Bela: It's half way across the ocean, I can't get it back in time.
Dean: In time for what?
Sam: What's going on with you, Bela? You look like you've seen a ghost.
Bela: I saw the ship.
Dean: You what? Wow, you know... I.. I knew you were an immoral, thieving, con-artist bitch, but just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower...

Dean: So who was it, Bela? Hmm? Who'd you kill? Was it daddy? Your little sis, maybe?
Bela: It's none of your business.
Dean: No... right. Well, have a nice life, you know whatever's left of it. (grabs jacket) Sam, let's go.
Bela: You can't just leave me here.
Dean: Watch us.
Bela: Please. I need your help.
Dean: Our help? Well, now how could a couple of serial killers possibly help you?

Bela: Do you really think this is going to work?
Dean: Almost definitely not.

Bela: You boys should learn to lock your doors. Anyone could just barge in.
Sam: Anyone just did.

Bela: (after handing Dean and Sam money) I don't like being in anyone's debt.
Dean: So ponying up ten grand is easier for you then a simple “thank you”? You're so damaged.
Bela: Takes one to know one.

Sam: I don’t want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying! So that's it? Nothing else to say for you?
Dean: I think maybe I'll play craps.

Fresh Blood [3.7][edit]

Gordon: Sam Winchester’s the Antichrist.
Bela: Ooh. I’d heard something about that…
Gordon: It’s true.
Bela: …from my good friend, the Easter Bunny. Who'd heard it from the Tooth Fairy. Are you off your meds?

Bela: You make me an offer and I think you'll find me highly cooperative.
Gordon: Okay, how about you tell me where they are, or I kill you right now?

Gordon: I can wrangle up three grand.
Bela: I don’t get out of bed for three grand.

Dean: Well, what can I say? I'm a badass.

Bela: Gordon Walker paid me to tell him where you were.
Dean: Excuse me?
Bela: Well, he had a gun on me. What else was I supposed to do?
Dean: I don't know, maybe pick up the phone and tell us that a raging psychopath was dropping by?
Bela: I did fully intend to call. I just got a bit sidetracked.
Dean: He tried to kill us!
Bela: I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. After all, there are two of you and one of him.
Dean: There were two of them.

Dean: Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I'm gonna do is kill you.
Bela: You're not serious.
Dean: Listen to my voice, and tell me if I'm serious.

Dixon: You're a big part of why my people are nearly extinct, Gordon.
Gordon: Your "people" are going extinct because you're a bunch of mindless, bloodthirsty animals.

Gordon: Daughters? Try “fang whores.”

Sam: That vampire's still out there, Dean.
Dean: First things first.
Sam: Gordon.
Dean: About that, when we find him or if he finds us..
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Well I'm just saying he's not leaving us a whole lot of options.
Sam: Yeah, I know... we gotta kill him.
Dean: Really? Just like that? I thought you would have been like; "No we can't, he's a human, it's wrong."
Sam: No I'm done. I mean Gordon's not gonna stop until we're dead... or until he is.

Dixon: I was desperate. You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?
Dean: Well...there's Hell.

Gordon: They turned me.
Kubrick: Those fangs?...I'm sorry. You know what this means.
Gordon: It means you have to kill me. But not yet.
Kubrick: What do you mean?
Gordon: You have to let me do one last thing first.
Kubrick: What?
Gordon: Kill Sam Winchester.
Kubrick: Gordon.
Gordon: It's the only... it is the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. I'm stronger, I'm faster. I can finish him.

Dean: It's like a giant haystack and Gordon's a deadly needle.

Dean: It’s just another day at the office. It’s a massively dangerous day at the office.

Sam: You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old stupid kamikaze trick.
Dean: Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja.
Sam: That's not funny.
Dean: It's a little funny.
Sam: No, it's not.
Dean: What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I’m going to die? You know what, I’ve got one. Let’s see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?

Sam: Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punchline. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.
Dean: I'm not!
Sam: You're lying. And you may as well drop it cause I can see right through you.
Dean: You got no idea what you're talking about.
Sam: Yeah, I do. You're scared Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked.
Dean: And how do you know that?
Sam: Because I know you!
Dean: Really?
Sam: Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better that anyone else in the entire world. And this... is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...
Dean: What?
Sam: It's just I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause.

Gordon: (to Sam, in the dark) You have no idea what I've faced to get here. I lost everything... my life. But it's worth it. Cause I'm finally gonna kill the most dangerous thing I ever hunted. You're not human, Sam.

Gordon: (to Sam) You got a lot of people fooled, but see, I know the truth. I know what it's like. We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna... as soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds. Killing you and killing myself.

Dean: (to Sam) You just charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That's a little reckless, don't you think?

Sam: What's with the auto shop?
(Dean extends tool to Sam to fix the Impala)
Sam: What? You don't mean, you want...
Dean: Yeah, I do. You fix it.
Sam: Dean, you barely let me drive this thing.
Dean: Well, it's time. You should know how to fix it. You're going to need to know these things for the future. And besides, it's my job, right. Show my little brother the ropes.

A Very Supernatural Christmas [3.8][edit]

Dean: So was I right, was it the serial killing chimney-sweep?
Sam: Yep. It's uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.
Dean: Who?
Sam: Mary Poppins.
Dean: Who's that?
Sam: Oh, come on. Never mind.

Dean: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?
Sam: Actually I have an idea.
Dean: Yeah?
Sam: It's a, it's gonna sound crazy.
Dean: What could you possibly say that's gonna sound crazy to me?
Sam: Um, Evil Santa.
Dean: Yeah, that's crazy.

Sam: He punishes the wicked.
Dean: By hauling their ass up chimneys.
Sam: For starters, yeah.
Dean: So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother?

Dean: What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.
Sam: Whose childhood are you talking about?
Dean: Oh, come on, Sam.
Sam: No, just... no.
Dean: All right, Grinch.

Young Sam: Is Dad a spy?
Young Dean: He's James Bond.

Santa's Elf: Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa?
Dean: Um, no. Uh, but actually, uh, my brother here, it's been a life long dream of his.
(Sam gives confused look)
Santa's Elf: I'm sorry, no kids over 12.
Sam: He's just kidding. We only came here to watch.
(Dean smirks and shakes his head)
Santa's Elf: Ewww.

Dean: [to Sam] Why are you the boy that hates Christmas?

Sam: Look, Dean. If you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don't involve me.
Dean: Oh, yeah. That'd be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds.

Dean: What's up with Saint nicotine?

(Sam chuckles)
Dean: What?
Sam: Nothing. It's just that, uh, well you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas, might have to blow away Santa.

Dean: Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.

Sam: (getting off the phone with Bobby) Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.
Dean: What'd Bobby say?
Sam: Uh, that we're morons.

Dean: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
Sam: No, Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the Winter Solstice Festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the Yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of Pagan worship.
Dean: How do you know that? What're you gonna tell me next...the Easter Bunny's Jewish?

Sam: Yeah. It's pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door, saying "Come kill us!"
Dean: Great.
Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?
Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.

(Dean to shop owner)
Dean: We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night, and, uh, well he hasn't shut up since about this Christmas wreath. I don't know. (looks over to Sam) You tell him.
Sam: Sure. (Sam pauses to look at shop owner) It was yummy.

Sam: She didn't charge you?
Shopkeeper: Nope.
Dean: Do you sell them for free?
Shopkeeper: Hell no. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for this crap.
Dean: That's the spirit.

Sam: I don't get it. You haven't talked about Christmas in years.
Dean: Well, yeah. This is my last year.
Sam: I know. That's why I can't.
Dean: What do you mean?
Sam: I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas, you'll be dead. I just can't.

Young Dean: First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero.
Young Sam: He is?
Young Dean: Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now.
Young Sam: But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.
Young Dean: That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. But, yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real.
Young Sam: Is Santa real?
Young Dean: No.

(Sam and Dean wake tied to chairs)
Sam: Dean, you okay?
Dean: Yeah, I think so.
Sam: So I guess we're dealing with "Mr. and Mrs. God." Nice to know.

Madge Carrigan: This might pinch a bit, dear. [cuts Dean's arm]
Dean: Aah! You bitch!
Madge: Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.
Dean: I'll try and remember that.

Dean: You fudgeing touch me again, I'll fudgeing kill you!
Madge: [approvingly, while cutting Dean's arm again] Very good.

[Mr. Carrigan is just about to pull out one of Dean's teeth when the doorbell rings.]
Dean: [muffled, because of the pair of tongs in his mouth] So are you gonna get that?
[Mr. and Mrs. Carrigan look at each other while doorbell rings again.]
Dean: You should get that.

Dean: (holding up Sam's presents) Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby!

Malleus Maleficarum [3.9][edit]

Dean: I hate witches. They're always spewing their body liquids everywhere.
Sam: Pretty much.
Dean: It's creepy. Hell, it's downright unsanitary!

Dean: Freakin' witches!

Dean: Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy.

Dean: I'd like to report a dead body. At 309 Mayfair Circle. My name? Yeah sure my name is...(hangs up)

Dean: They killed the nut job, should we, uh, thank them or what?
Sam: They're working black magic, too, Dean. They need to be stopped.
Dean: Stopped like stopped? They're human, Sam.
Sam: They're murderers.
Dean: Burn, witch, burn.

Ruby: Put a leash on your brother, Sam - if you wanna keep him.

Dean: What the hell were you thinking?
Sam: What? What the hell was I thinking?
Dean: She's a demon, Sam. Period. Alright? They want us dead, we want them dead!

Sam: Look, I know it's dangerous, that she is dangerous, but like it or not, she's useful.
Dean: No! We kill her before she kills us.
Sam: Kill her with what? The gun she fixed for us?
Dean: Whatever works.
Sam: Dean, if she wants us dead, all she has to do is stop saving our lives.

Sam: It's not so simple. We're not- we're not just hunting anymore. We're at war.
Dean: Are you feeling okay?
Sam: Why are you always asking me that?
Dean: 'Cos you're taking advice from a demon for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know, it used to eat you up inside.
Sam: Yeah, and what has that gotten me?
Dean: Nothing, but it's just what you're supposed to do, we're supposed to drive in the friggin car, and friggin argue about this stuff. You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.
Sam: Wait, so you're mad because I'm starting to agree with you?
Dean: No, not mad, I'm-I'm...I'm worried, Sam. Because you're not acting yourself.

Sam: Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I got to stay here in this crap hole of a world... alone. So, the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I gotta change.
Dean: Change into what?
Sam: Into you. I gotta be more like you.

(Dean dying)
Dean: You want to kill me. Get in line, bitch!
(after saving Dean's life)
Ruby: Stop... calling me bitch.

Dean: You saved my life.
Ruby: Don't mention it.
Dean: What was that stuff? God, it was ass. It tasted like ass.
Ruby: It's called witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves)
Dean: (mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...

Tammi: Nice dick work, Magnum

Tammi: What did you think it was? Make believe? Positive thinking? The Secret?

Dean: So let me get this straight. You were human once. You died, you went to hell, and you became a...
Ruby: Yeah.

Ruby: That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is. Forgetting what you are.

Ruby: The answer is yes, by the way.
Dean: Sorry?
Ruby: Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every hell bound soul, every one, turns into something else. Turns you into us, so, yeah... yeah, you can count on it.
Dean: There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there?
Ruby: No.
Dean: Why'd you tell Sam that you could?
Ruby: So he would talk to me. You Winchesters can be pretty bigoted.

Ruby: You need to help me get him ready for life without you. To fight this war on his own.
Dean: Ruby? Why do you want us to win?
Ruby: Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them. I don't know why. I... I wish I was, but I'm not. I remember what it's like.
Dean: What what's like?
Ruby: Being human.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me [3.10][edit]

Dean: There you are. What are you doing?
Sam: Having a drink.
Dean: It's two in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?
Sam: I drink whiskey all the time.
Dean: No, you don't.

Sam: But really, the thing is, no one can save you.
Dean: What I've been telling you.
Sam: No, that's not what I mean. I mean no one can save you because you don't want to be saved.

Sam: What was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?
Dean: I don't know, unless he was taking an extremely lame vacation.

(as Dean impersonates a police detective)
Jeremy: I had the most vivid, super intense dream, like a bad acid trip, you know...
Dean: Totally. (pause) I mean, no.

Dean: I take it we believe the legends.
Sam: When don't we?

Sam: You wanna go dream walking inside Bobby's head?
Dean: Yeah, why not? Maybe we could help.
Sam: We have no idea what's crawling around in there.
Dean: How bad could it be?
Sam: Bad!
Dean: Dude... it's Bobby!

Sam: One problem though, we're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know anyone who can score some...
Dean: Crap...
Sam: What?
Dean: Bela.
Sam: Bela? Crap. You're actually suggesting we ask her for a favor?
Dean: I'm feeling dirty just thinking about it, but yeah.

Dean: (to sleeping Sam) Sam, wake up! (after Sam woke up from his dream of having sex with Bela) Dude, you were out... and making some serious happy noises. Who were you dreaming about?
Sam: What? No one. Nothing.
Dean: Come on, you can tell me. Angelina Jolie?
Sam: No!
Dean: Brad Pitt?
Sam: No. No!

Dean: Well, shall we dim the lights and sync up Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon?
Sam: Why?
Dean: What did you do during college?

Bobby: Before I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest friggin' thing.
Dean: Aw, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb.
Sam: Dean, you didn't.
Dean: I was thirsty.
Sam: That's great! Now he can come after either one of you.

Nightmare Dean: What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car—that's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket—Dad's. Your music—Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is "watch out for Sammy... Look after your little brother, boy!" You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as bell.
Dean: Just shut up!
Nightmare Dean: I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam—Sam he doted on. Sam he loved.
Dean: I mean it, I'm getting angry.
Nightmare Dean: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you're lived or died! Why should you?
Dean: Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He... He's the one who let mom die; who wasn't there for Sam, I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!
Nightmare Dean: (with black, demon eyes) You can't escape me, Dean! You're gonna die, and this, this is what you're going to become!

Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: I've been doing some thinking. And well, the thing is, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna go to Hell.
Sam: Alright, yeah. We'll find a way to save you.
Dean: Okay, good.

Mystery Spot [3.11][edit]

(Heat of The Moment is playing on the alarm as Sam sits up.)
Dean: Rise and shine, Sammy!
Sam: Dude, Asia?
Dean: Aw, come on, you love this song and you know it.
Sam: Yeah, and if I ever hear it again, I'm gonna kill myself.

Dean: I'm telling you Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bella.
Sam: Okay sure. Let's get right on that. Where is she again?
Dean: Shut up.

Sam: Man, I had a weird dream.
Dean: Yeah? Clowns or midgets?

Sam: Yesterday was Tuesday, right? But today is Tuesday, too!
Dean: Yeah. No, good. You're totally balanced.

Sam: He'll take the special, side of bacon, coffee black. Nothing for me thanks.
Waitress: You got it.
Dean: Sammy, I get all tingly when you take control like that.

[After Sam tells Dean he got hit by a car the day before]
Dean: Did it look cool, like in the movies?
Sam: You peed yourself.
Dean: Of course, I peed myself. Man gets hits by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder? Come on!

Dean: You mean we can't even go out for breakfast?
Sam: You'll thank me when it's Wednesday.
Dean: Whatever that means.

Dean: Do these tacos taste funny to you?
(Sam wakes up to Asia)': Heat of the moment!

Sam and Dean (in unison): Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam! You think you're being funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up-OK, enough!

Sam: My point is I’ve lived through every possible Tuesday. I’ve watched you die every possible way. I have ripped apart the Mystery Spot, burnt it down, tried everything I know to save your life and I can’t. No matter what I do, you die. And then I wake up. And then it’s Tuesday again.

Dean: So you think you're caught in some kinda... what again?
Sam: Eat your breakfast.

Sam: So this is fun for you? Killing Dean over and over again?
Trickster: One, yes it is fun. And two, this is so not about killing Dean.

Sam: (looking at alarm playing Back in Time) It's Wednesday!
Dean: Yeah, which usually comes after Tuesday. Turn that thing off, would ya?
Sam: What, are you kidding? This isn't the most beautiful song you've ever heard?
Dean: No! Geez, how many Tuesdays did you have?

Trickster: Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.

Trickster: Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of yours.

Trickster: Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

Trickster (to Sam): I swear it's like talking to a brick wall. (pause) OK, look, this all stopped being fun months ago. You're Travis Bickle in a skirt pal. I'm over it.

Jus In Bello [3.12][edit]

Henriksen: You know what I'm trying to decide?
Dean: I don't know, what? Whether Cialis will help you with your little condition?

Henriksen: I got a lot to celebrate, after all. Seeing you two in chains...
Dean: You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way!

Dean: It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome.

Dean: (Country accent) Well, howdy there sheriff.

Agent Henriksen: I shot the sheriff..
Dean: But you didn't shoot the deputy. (smirks)

Sam: You were possessed.
Henriksen: Possessed like... possessed?
Sam: That's what it feels like. Now you know.
Dean: I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.

Henriksen: What do you need?
Dean: Salt. Lots and lots of salt.
Deputy: Salt?
Dean: What is there an echo in here?

Henriksen: So, turns out demons are real.
Dean: F.Y.I. Ghosts are real too. So are werewolves. Vampires. Changelings. Evil clowns that eat people.
Henriksen: Okay then.
Dean: If it makes you feel better, Big Foot's a hoax.
Ruby: (scratches head) Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!

Ruby: We'll need The Colt. (Sam and Dean look at each other awkwardly, Ruby looks at them both, suspicious.) Where's The Colt?!
Sam: It got stolen.
Ruby: I'm sorry, I must have blood in my ear! I thought I just heard you say you were stupid enough to let The Colt get grabbed out of your thick, clumsy, idiotic hands! (Sam and Dean look guilty) Fantastic! This is just peachy!
Sam: Ruby-
Ruby: Shut up! Fine. Since I don't see that there's any other option, there's one other way I know how to get you out of here alive.
Dean: What's that?
Ruby: I know a spell. It'll vaporize every demon, in a one mile radius. Myself included! So you let The Colt out of your sight, and now I have to die! So next time, be more careful. How's that for a dying wish?
Dean: Okay, what do we need to do?
Ruby: Aw, you can't do anything. This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.
Dean: I got virtue.
Ruby: Ha, ha. Nice try! You're not a virgin.
Dean: Ha ha. Nobody's a virgin! [Everyone looks at Nancy] No... No way! You're kidding me, right? You're...
Nancy: What? It's a choice, okay!
Dean: Wait. So you-you've never... Not even once...I mean not even...Wow...

Nancy: It's my decision.
Ruby: Damn straight, Cherry Pie.
Dean: Stop! Stop! Nobody kill any virgins!

Dean: (to Sam) I'm not going to let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl, who hasn't even been laid. I mean if that's how you win wars, then I don't want to win.

Dean: I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying it will work. But it sure as hell beats killing a virgin.
Sam: Ok, so what's the plan.
Dean: Open the doors, we let 'em all in, and we fight.

Nancy: When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex... (glances at the officer next to her) but not with you.

Ruby: Don't thank me. Lilith killed everyone. She slaughtered your precious little virgin, plus half a dozen other people. So after your big speech about humanity in war, it turns out that your plan was the one with the body-count. Do you know how to fight a battle? You strike fast and you don't leave any survivors. So no one can go running to tell the boss. So next time, we go with my plan!

Ghostfacers [3.13][edit]

Ed: We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike
Harry: Lazy fat cats!
Ed: Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?

Ed: Good morning Ghost Facers.
Spruce: It's 7 p.m. dude.
Ed: That's morning to a Ghost Facer.

Harry: Rats are like the rats of the world.

Ed: Listen here, Chiseled Chest!

Harry: (to Sam and Dean) Who made you guys reoccuring guest stars?

Dean: Crap. Crap. Taxidermy, kay. You said Daggett was a hospital janitor?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Eew. We got three toe tags here. One, death by gunshots, train accident, and suicide.
Sam: Eew.
Harry: What?
Sam: Well that explains why all the death echoes are here.
(Ed and Harry look confused)
Sam: They're here because their bodies are here…Somewhere in the house.
(Ed and Harry still look confused)
Dean: Daggett brought the remains home from the morgue to play with.
Ed and Harry together: (After a pause) Eew!
Spruce: Oh, that's nasty dude.

Dean: There's some salt in my duffel bag. Make a circle and get inside.
Ed: Inside your duffel bag?
Dean: In the salt, you idiot!!

Spruce: What's this guy Daggett guys problem, anyway?
Sam: Loneliness.
Dean: What, has he never heard of a Real Doll?

Harry: Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.

Ed: Here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you. And all this time you were teaching us about heart and about dedication and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day.

Dean: You know I kind of think it was half awesome.
Maggie: Half awesome, th-that's full on good! Right?
Sam: Yeah, I mean it-it's bizarre how y'all are able to uh...to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done.
Dean: Yeah. That's a real tight rope you guys are walking.
Sam: Yeah Alright guys.
Ed: No that's reality man. Yeah, Corbett gave his life searching for the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world.
Sam: Right, uh, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?
Dean: A straight-jacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.
Sam: Right
Harry: Oh come on guys don't be Facer-haters because we happen to have gotten the footage of the century.
Ed: Oh yeah.
Dean: ...They got us there.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, we'll see you guys around.
Spruce: Peaceout.
(Sam and Dean leave, Ed closes the door.)
Harry: Dicks.

Long-Distance Call [3.14][edit]

Dean: I just talked to an 84-year-old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband. Who died in Korea.
Sam: Ugh.
Dean: Completely rocked my understanding of the word necrophilia.

Sam: (about a demon) And it's following you because...?
Dean: I guess I'm big game, you know? My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.

Sam: Dean, it's not Dad.
Dean: Then what is it?
Sam: A Crocotta.
Dean: Is that a sandwich?

Dean's voicemail: This is Herman Munster. Leave a message.

Dean: The only person who can get me out of this thing is me.
Sam: And me.
Dean: "And me"?
Sam: What?
Dean: Deep revelation, having a real moment here. That's what you come back with? "And me"?
Sam: Do you want a poem?
Dean: Moment's gone. Unbelievable.

Time Is On My Side [3.15][edit]

Dean: I mean obviously I wanna hunt some zombies.

Coroner: So you're cops and morons.
Dean: Excuse me? No, no. We're very smart!

Doctor: Didn't you read my report?
Dean: Of course we did. Oh, it was-it was riveting, a real page-turner. Just delightful.
Doctor: You done?
Dean: I think so.
Doctor: Please, go away.
Dean: Okay.

Sam: I talked to Mr. Beetle's doctor. Turns out his incisions were sewn up with silk.
Dean: That's weird?
Sam: Yeah, nowadays it is, but silk used to be the suture of choice back in the early 19th-century. It was really problematic. Patients would get massive infections, the death rate was insane.
Dean: Good times.
Sam: Right. So, doctors, they had to do whatever they could to keep the infections from spreading. One way was maggots.
Dean: Dude, I'm eating.
Sam: It actually kind of worked because maggots, they eat the bad tissue and they leave good tissue. And get this: When they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots.
Dean: Dude, I'm eating!

Dean: (to his burger) No, baby, I can't stay mad at you.

Sam: Even if you had the Colt, Dean, who're you gonna shoot? We have no idea who holds the ticket!
Dean: We'll, shoot the hellhounds then, before they slash me up! Now, you comin' or not?
Sam: I'm stayin' here.
Dean: No, you're not. Cause I'm not gonna let you go wander out into the woods alone to track some some organ-stealing freak!

Dean Winchester: Hiya, Bela. Here's a fun fact you may not know: I felt your hand in my pocket when you swiped that motel receipt.
Bela Talbot: You don't understand.
Dean Winchester: Oh, I'm pretty sure I understand perfectly. Y'see, I noticed something interesting in your hotel room. Something tucked above the door, an herb. Devil's Shoestring. Well there's only one use for that. Holding Hellhounds at bay. So you know what I did? I went back and took another look at your folks obit, turns out they died ten years ago today. You didn't kill them. A demon did your dirty work. You made a deal, didn't you, Bela. And it's come due.
Lilith: [flashback, young Bela swinging, crying] I can take care of them for you. And it won't even cost you anything for ten whole years. [her eyes glow red]
Dean Winchester: Is that why you stole the Colt, huh? Try to wiggle out of your deal? Our gun for your soul?
Bela Talbot: Yes.
Dean Winchester: But stealing the Colt wasn't quite enough, I'm guessing.
Bela Talbot: They changed the deal. They wanted me to kill Sam.
Dean Winchester: [sarcastic] Really. Wow. Demons, untrustworthy. Huh. Shocker. That's, uh, kind of a tight deadline too, uh, what time is it? Oh, look at that! Almost midnight.
Bela Talbot: [crying] Dean, listen, I need help.
Dean Winchester: Sweetheart, we are weeks past help.
Bela Talbot: I know I don't deserve it.
Dean Winchester: You know what, you're right. You don't. But you know what the bitch of the bunch is? If you would have just come to us sooner and asked for help, we probably could have taken the Colt and saved you.
Bela Talbot: [still crying] I know, and saved yourself. I know about your deal, Dean.
Dean Winchester: And who told you that?
Bela Talbot: The demon that holds it. She holds mine too. She says she holds every deal.
Dean Winchester: She?
Bela Talbot: Her name is Lilith.
Dean Winchester: ...Lilith? Why should I believe you?
Bela Talbot: You shouldn't, but it's the truth.
Dean Winchester: This can't help you, Bela. Not now. Why are you tellin' me this?
Bela Talbot: Because just maybe you can kill the bitch.
Dean Winchester: [long pause] I'll see you in Hell.
[he hangs up on her. Bela hangs up as the clock switches to 12:00 midnight. Hellhounds howl in the background. Bela stands to look out window, and there is a crash as the Hellhounds presumably attack and scene fades to black]

No Rest for the Wicked [3.16][edit]

Dean: Why don't we just make a T.J. run. You know, some señoritas, cervezas, uh, we could, what's Spanish for "donkey show"?
Sam: So if we do save you...let's never do that.

Dean: We're going off of Bela's intel? Now, when that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked.

Ruby: Oh, so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine. You deserve hell. I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!
Dean: And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.

Dean: Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You are. And I'm yours.
Sam: You don't mean that. We're--we're family.
Dean: I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too.

Bobby: Where do you think you're going?
Dean: We got the knife.
Bobby: And you intend to use it without me. Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Sam: No Bobby. Of course not.
Dean: This is about me... and Sam. Ok? This isn't your fight.
Bobby: The hell it isn't! Family don't end with blood, boy!

Dean: If this is my last day on earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward.

Bobby: You're piercing the veil, Dean. Glimpsing the B side.
Dean: Little less new agey please.
Bobby: You're almost Hell's bitch. So, you can see Hell's other bitches.

Ruby: What you don't know about me could fill a book.
Dean: Whoa.
Ruby: What?
Dean: Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.

Sam: I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!
Dean: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! I'm sorry! I mean this is all my fault. I know that. But what you're doing, it's not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you.
Sam: Then what am I supposed to do?
Dean: Keep fighting.

Lilith: (to Dean) I don't have to answer to Puppy Chow. (opens door and lets the hellhound in) Sick him, boy.

Season 4[edit]

Lazurus Rising [4.01][edit]

Dean: Surprise.
Bobby: I, I don't...
Dean: Yeah, me neither. But here I am. [Suddenly, Bobby attacks Dean.] Bobby! Bobby! It's me!
Bobby: My ass!
Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed... you're about the closest thing I have to a father. Bobby. It's me. I am not a shapeshifter!
Bobby: Then you're a Revenant!
Dean: All right. If I was either, could I do this... with a silver knife? [cuts his arm]
Bobby: Dean?
Dean: That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Bobby: It's... It's good to see you, boy.
Dean: Yeah, you too.
Bobby: But... how did you bust out?
Dean: I don't know. I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box...
[Suddenly, Bobby splashes water in Dean's face. Dean pauses, spits.]
Dean: I'm not a demon either, you know.
Bobby: Sorry. Can't be too careful.

Bobby: But... that don't make a lick of sense.
Dean: Yeah. Yeah, you're preachin' to the choir.
Bobby: Dean. Your chest was ribbons, your insides were slop. And you've been buried four months. Even if you could slip out of hell and back into your meat suit,
Dean: I know, I should look like a Thriller video reject.
Bobby: What do you remember?
Dean: Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound's chew toy, and then... lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it.

Girl: So where is it?
Dean: Where's what?
Girl: The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?
Dean: I think we got the wrong room.
Sam: (walking into view) Hey is-? (cuts off when he see Dean and Bobby)
Dean: Heya, Sammy.
Sam: Dean?
(Dean walks in and Sam attacks him. Bobby pulls Sam away from Dean and restrains him)
Sam: (struggling against Bobby) Who are you?!
Dean: Like you didn't do this?
Sam: (Still fighting Bobby's hold on him) Do what?
Bobby: (still holding Sam back) It's him, It's him, Sam. I've been through this already. Its really him. (releases Sam)
Dean: I know. I look fantastic, huh? (Sam and Dean hug)
Girl: So are you two like... together?
Sam: What? No. No. He's my brother.
Girl: Oh... got it. I... I guess.

Dean: So tell me, what'd it cost?
Sam: The girl? I don't pay, Dean.

Sam: I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, alright? Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you.
Bobby: Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question.
Dean: If he didn't pull me out, then what did?

Bobby: How you feelin', anyway?
Dean: I'm a little hungry.

Dean: (points to an iPod in his car) What the hell is that?
Sam: That's an iPod jack.
Dean: You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.

Dean: Who's Jesse? [referring to the text "Jesse Forever", which is tattooed on Pamela's lower back]
Pamela: Well, it wasn't forever.
Dean: His loss.
Pamela: Might be your gain.
Dean: Dude, I'm so in.
Sam: Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive.
Dean: Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it.
Pamela: (to Sam) You're invited too, grumpy.
Dean: (to Sam) You are NOT invited.

Pamela: Right. Take each other's hands. And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched.
Dean: Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there.
Pamela: My mistake.

Female Demon: Dean, to hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck?
Dean: That's me.
Female Demon: So you get to just stroll out of the Pit, huh? Tell me, what makes you so special?
Dean: I like to think it's because of my perky nipples.

Dean: That's a hell of an art project you've got going there.
Bobby: Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?
Dean: Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of.
Bobby: This is still a bad idea.
Dean: Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?

Ruby: So. Million dollar question: you going to tell Dean about what we're doing?
Sam: Yeah, I just gotta figure out the right way to say it. Look, I just need time, okay? That's all.
Ruby: Sam, he's going to find out, and if it's not from you he's going to be pissed.
Sam: He's going to be pissed anyway. I mean, he's so hardheaded about this psychic stuff he'll just try and stop me.
Ruby: Look. Maybe I'll just take a step back for a while.
Sam: Ruby, you...
Ruby: I mean, I'm not exactly in your brother's fanclub. But he is your brother, and I'm not going to come between you.
Sam: I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Hell, I don't even know if I trust you.
Ruby: Thanks.
Sam: But what I do know is that I'm saving people. And stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going.

Dean: You sure you did the ritual right? [Bobby gives him a look] Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?

Dean: Who are you?
Castiel: I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.

Castiel: We need to talk, Dean. Alone.

Castiel: Your friend's alive.
Dean: Who are you?
Castiel: Castiel.
Dean: Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?
Castiel: I'm an Angel of the Lord.
Dean: Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.
Castiel: This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith. (wings appear)
Dean: Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes.
Castiel: I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.
Dean: You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking? (Castiel nods.) Buddy, next time, lower the volume.
Castiel: That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.
Dean: And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?
Castiel: This? This is... a vessel.
Dean: You're possessing some poor bastard?
Castiel: He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.
Dean: Look pal, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?
Castiel: (frowning) I told you.
Dean: Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?
Castiel: Good things do happen, Dean.
Dean: Not in my experience.
Castiel: What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?
Dean: Why'd you do it?
Castiel: Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.

Ruby: (walking through the door) Getting pretty slick there Sam! Better all the time!
Sam: What's happening here, Ruby?
Ruby: I wish I knew!
Sam: We were thinking some high level demon pulled Dean out!
Ruby: No way! Sam! Human souls don't just walk out of hell and back into their body's easily! The sy bleeds, the earth quakes...it's cosmic! No demon can swing that! Not Lilith...not anyone!
Sam: What can?
Ruby: I'm not sure!

Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester [4.02][edit]

Dean: Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel.

Dean: Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point...ever?
Sam: Yeah. You just did, Dean.
Dean: I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me.
Sam: Dean, we have a theory.
Dean: Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please.

Bobby: You two chuckle heads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?

Bobby: Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing.

Dean: I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the-for the stealing and the-and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy.
Sam: Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs.
Dean: Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties... much less by... God.
Sam: Okay, well, too bad, Dean. Because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.

Dean: You're gonna get me some pie.

Sam: Yes, Dean, I'll get the chips. Dude. When have I ever forgotten the pie? Exactly.

Dean: Dude?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Where's the pie?

Dean: Olivia was rocking the EMF meter.
Sam: Spirit activity.
Dean: Yeah... On steroids. I've never seen a ghost do this to a person.

Bobby: I called some hunters nearby...
Dean: Good. We could use their help.
Bobby: ...except they ain't answering their phones either.
Sam: Somethings up, huh?
Bobby: You think?

Dean: Come out, come out, whoever you are.

Meg: Dean Winchester, still so bossy. You don't recognize me? This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut.
Dean: Meg.
Meg: Hi! It's okay, I'm not a demon.
Dean: You're the girl the demon possessed.
Meg: Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not ... you know ... choking on my own blood. It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl... sorry, was. I was walking home one night and got jump by all this smoke. Next thing you know I'm prisoner... in here. You know I was a wake? I had to watch while she murdered people.
Dean: Sorry.
Meg: Oh, yeah, so sorry you had me thrown off a building.
Dean: Well, we thought...
Meg: No, you didn't think. I kept waiting, praying, I was trapped in there, screaming at you" "just help me, please". You're supposed to help people, Dean, but why didn't you help me?
Dean: I'm sorry.
Meg: Stop saying you're sorry.

Sam: Okay, where are we going?
Bobby: Some place safe, you idjit.

Sam: You built a panic room!?
Bobby: I had a weekend off.
Dean: Bobby.
Bobby: What?
Dean: You're awesome!

Dean: See, this is why I can't get behind God.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Dean: If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason. Just random, horrible, evil. I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?
Bobby: I ain't touching this one with at 10-Foot pole.

Sam: Okay, so, what do we do now?
Dean: Road trip. Grand canyon, Star Trek experience. Bunny ranch.

Bobby: It's a spell to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work...
Sam: Should. Great.
Bobby: ...if I translate it correctly. I think I got everything we need here at the house.
Dean: Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?
Bobby: So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's gotta be cast over an open fire.
Sam: The fireplace in the library.
Bobby: Bingo.
Dean: That's just not as appealing as a ghost-proof panic room, you know?

Meg: You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something.
Sam: Meg.
Meg: But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby? How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!

Dean: Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals.
Ronald: That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive.
Dean: Well... come on, I'm not a cheeseburger.

Castiel: Excellent job with the witnesses.
Dean: You were hip to all this?
Castiel: I was, uh, made aware.
Dean: Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest.
Castiel: But you didn't.
Dean: I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- You know, Michael Landon. Not dicks.
Castiel: Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.
Dean: Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?
Castiel: I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns.
Dean: Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?
Castiel: There's a God.
Dean: I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking Apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?
Castiel: The Lord works...
Dean: If you say "mysterious ways," so help me, I will kick your ass. So, Bobby was right... about the witnesses... this is some kind of a... sign of the Apocalypse.
Castiel: That's why we're here. Big things afoot.
Dean: Do I want to know what kind of things?
Castiel: I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.
Dean: Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld.
Castiel: Those seals are being broken. By Lilith.
Dean: She did the spell. She rose the witnesses.
Castiel: Mm-hmm. And not just here. Twenty other hunters are dead.
Dean: Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us.
Castiel: Lilith has a certain sense of humor.
Dean: Well, we put those spirits back to rest.
Castiel: It doesn't matter. The seal was broken.
Dean: Why break the seal anyway?
Castiel: You think of the seals as locks on a door.
Dean: ... Okay. Last one opens and...
Castiel: Lucifer walks free.
Dean: Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing.
Castiel: Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?
Dean: To stop Lucifer.
Castiel: That's why we've arrived.
Dean: Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.
Castiel: We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in.
Meg: But it wasn't just me, Dean! I had a sister. A little sister. How she worshipped me! you know how little siblings are right? How they'll do anything for you! She was never the same after I dissapeared! She...she just got lost! And when my body was lying there in the morgue...beat up? Broken? Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself! Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family! Your revenge and your demons! 50 words of latin a little sooner and I'd still be alive...my baby sister would still be alive!
Ruby: Is it true?
Sam: Is what true?
Ruby: (rolls her eyes) Did an angel rescue Dean?
Sam: We're not sure but we think so!
Ruby: Okay! Good bye Sam!
Sam: What?
Ruby: (not believing his confusion) Sam they're angels. (states the obvious) I'm a demon! (sarcastically) They're not gonna care if I'm being helpful! (serious) They smite first and ask questions later!
Sam: What do you know about them?
Ruby: Not much! Except the scare the holy hell outta me!
Sam: I'm not scared of angels!
Ruby: (sarcastically) Watch yourself, Sam!

In The Beginning [4.03][edit]

Castiel: Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?
Dean: What, do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?

Dean: Can you, uh, tell me where I can get reception on this thing? (referring to his cell phone)
Young John: The U.S.S. Enterprise?

Dean: Thanks...nice threads. You know Sonny and Cher broke up right?
Young John: Sonny and Cher broke up?

Dean: What is this?
Castiel: What does it look like?
Dean: Is it real?
Castiel: Very.
Dean: Okay, so what? Angels got their hands on some Deloreans? How did I get here?
Castiel: Time is fluid Dean, it's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion.
Dean: Well bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here!
Castiel: I told you, you have to stop it.
Dean: Stop what? Huh? What, is there something nasty after my Dad?Dean turns as a car horn sounds. When he turns back Castiel is gone. Oh, come on! What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?!

Dean: Sammy, wherever you are, Mom is a babe. I'm going to Hell. Again.

(realizing he and Sam were named after their grandparents)
Dean: Samuel and Deanna?

Dean: What about the rest of the town? Well, did you find anything on the web? ...of information that you have assembled.
Deanna: Electrical storms maybe, the weather service graphs should be here on Friday.
Dean: By mail?
Samuel: No, we hired a jet liner to fly 'em to us overnight.

Samuel: Father, I see you beat me here.
Dean: The Lord is funny that way. Beth Whitshire, this is my associate, our senior- senior priest, Father Chaney.

Dean: I know you guys think I'm crazy.
Samuel: You seem like a really nice kid, Dean, but yeah you're crazy.

Young Mary: You know the worst thing I can think of, the very worst thing? It's for my children raised into this like I was. No, I won’t let it happen.
Dean: Yeah.
Young Mary: Hey, you okay?
Dean: Yeah. No, I'm fine. Hey, Mary? Can I tell you something?
Young Mary: Sure.
Dean: Even if this sounds really weird, will you promise me that you will remember?
Young Mary: Okay.
Dean: On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed.

Dean: So what? God's my copilot is that it? Castiel just looks at him, and Dean glances over again. Well, you're a regular chatty Kathy. Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?
Castiel: You had to do this alone, Dean.
Dean: And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?
Castiel: Sam's not looking for you.
Dean: Alright, if I do this, then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after, and- and, Sam and I grow up playing little league and chasing tail?
Castiel: You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die.
Dean: I realize.
Castiel: And you don't care?
Dean: Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents, I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't, no, not if I can stop it.

Samuel Campbell: She wants to hunt, she doesn't want to hunt. Is this some female "time of the month" thing?

Azazel: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, no one's breeding with me. Though, Mary? Man, I'd like to make an exception, so far, she's my favorite.

Azazel: (to Dean) You know what I'm gonna do to your sibling? I'm gonna stand over their crib and I'm gonna bleed into their mouth, demon blood is better than Ovaltine, vitamins, minerals it makes you big and strong!
Dean: For what? So they can lead your discount demon army? Is that your big plan?
Azazel: Please. My endgame's a hell of a lot bigger than that, kid.

Dean: I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery didn't she?
Castiel: Don't be too hard on yourself, you couldn't have stopped it.
Dean: What?
Castiel: Destiny can't be changed Dean. All roads lead to the same destination.

Castiel: Your brother is headed down a dangerous road, Dean. And we're not sure where it leads. So stop it... or we will.

Castiel: We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why, and he went to great lengths to cover that up.

Metamorphosis [4.04][edit]

Sam: Where's Lilith?
Demon: Kiss my ass.
Sam: I'd watch myself if I were you.
Demon: Why? Huh? Because you're Sam Winchester, Mr. Big Hero? And yet here you are, slutting around with some demon. Real hero.
Sam: Shut your mouth.
Demon: Tell me about those months without your brother. About all the things you and this demon bitch do in the dark.

Dean: So... Anything you wanna tell me, Sam?
Sam: Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me...
Dean: You gonna say, "let me explain"? You gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?

Sam: Ruby! Stop it!
Dean: Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?

Sam: Dean, what are you doing? What, are you, are you leaving?
Dean: You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons.
Sam: Hold on. Dean, come on, man. (Dean punches Sam in the face) You satisfied? (Dean hits him again) I guess not.
Dean: Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?
Sam: I'm just exorcising demons.
Dean: With your mind! What else can you do?
Sam: I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it.
Dean: What else can you do?!
Sam: I told you!
Dean: And I have every reason in the world to believe that.
Sam: Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here.
Dean: The other side?
Sam: I'm pulling demons out of innocent people.
Dean: Use the knife!
Sam: The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year.
Dean: That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.
Sam: I'm not gonna let it go too far.
Dean: It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters.
Sam: You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works.
Dean: Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?
Sam: What?
Dean: Cas' said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?

Sam: I should have told you. I'm sorry.
Dean: You've been saying that a lot lately, Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine.

Dean: Are you sure that's him?
Sam: Only Jack Montgomery in town.
Dean: And we're looking for...
Sam: Travis said to keep an eye out for anything weird.
Dean: Weird?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Alright, well, yeah, I've seen big weird, little weird, weird with crazy on top. But this guy? I mean, come on, this guy's boring.
Sam: I don't know, Dean. Travis seemed pretty sure. (Jack Montgomery starts to eat raw meat) I'd say that qualifies as weird.

Travis: You still a.. oh, what was it... a mathlete?
Sam: No.
Dean: Yep, sure is.

Dean: Well, he had a hell of a case of the munchies, topped off with a burger that he forgot to cook.

Travis: Boys, we got a rougarou on our hands.
Dean: A rougarou? Is that made up? That sounds made up.

Dean: Hungry for what?
Travis: At first for everything, but then, the long pig.
Dean: (doesn't get it) Long pig?
Sam: He means human flesh.
Dean: And that is my word of the day!

Dean: Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress right next to his KY.

Sam: You want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.
Dean: Like what?
Sam: The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I'm a freak!
Dean: I do not.
Sam: You know, or even worse, like I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the difference between right and wrong! What?
Dean: Do you know the difference, Sam? I mean, you've been kind of strolling a dark road lately.
Sam: You have no idea what I'm going through. None.
Dean: Well then enlighten me!
Sam: I've got demon blood in me, Dean. This disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak! And I'm just trying to take this - this curse... and make something good out of it. Because I have to.

Sam: (to Jack Montgomery) Listen to me, you've got this dark pit inside you. I know. Believe me, I know. But that doesn't mean you have to fall into it. You don't have to be a monster...It doesn't matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It's your choice.

Dean: You did the right thing, you know. That guy was a monster, there was no going back. Sam, I wanna tell you I'm sorry. I've been kind of hard on you lately.
Sam: Don't worry about it, Dean.
Dean: It's just that your, uh, your psychic thing, it scares the crap out of me.
Sam: Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it.
Dean: Wait. What? You don't want to talk? You?
Sam: There's nothing more to say. I can't keep explaining myself to you. I can't make you understand.
Dean: Why don't you try?
Sam: I can't. Because this thing, this blood, it's not in you the way it's in me. It's just something I gotta deal with.
Dean: Not alone.
Sam: Anyway, it doesn't matter. These powers... it's playing with fire. I'm done with them. I'm done with everything.
Dean: Really? Well, that's a relief. Thank you.
Sam: Don't thank me. I'm not doing it for you. Or for the angels or for anybody. This is my choice.
Dean: Where are you going?
Ruby: The ER! Unless you want to go another round first!

Monster Movie [4.05][edit]

Dean: It's like the good old days! An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black-and-white case.

Dean: We still got to see the new "raiders" movie.
Sam: Saw it.
Dean: Without me?
Sam: You were in hell.
Dean: That's no excuse!

Jamie: Guten Tag.
Dean: Guten Tag yourself.

Dean: I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don't play by- the rules.

Sam: Can you describe her assailant?
Ed Brewer: Oh, he was a vampire.
Dean: Okay, right. And by that you mean...
Ed: A vampire.
Dean: So...he looked like-
Ed: He looked like a vampire. You know with the fangs and the slicked back hair and the fancy cape and the little medallion thing on the ribbon.

Dean: I've been re-hymenated!
Sam: Re...hy...Please. Dean maybe angels can pull you outta hell, but no one could do that.
Dean: Brother, I have been re-hymenated. And the dude will not abide.

Dean: I don't think we're staying on the case.
Jamie: What, is it too weird for you?
Dean: Not weird enough.

Sam: [tries to tear off Ed's ear] It's supposed to come off.
Ed: No, it's not!

Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh, pizza delivery?
Dracula: Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.
Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh-huh. That'll be $15.50.
Dracula: Tell me…
Pizza Delivery Guy: Yeah?
Dracula: Is there… garlic on this pizza?
Pizza Delivery Guy: I don't know. Did you order garlic?
Dracula: No!
Pizza Delivery Guy: Then no. Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?
Dracula: Of course. Yes. But I have a coupon.

Dean: Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this Abbot and Costello meet the Monsters crap.
Sam: Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.
Dean: Heh, no, you don't.
Sam: Yeah, I do.
Dean: No, you don't. You don't.
Sam: Porky's 2.
Dean: What?
Sam: You heard me.
Dean: Lucky guess.

Yellow Fever [4.06][edit]

(Dean's running down the street in sheer panic)
Dean: Run! It'll kill you!
(camera pans down to a Yorkie wearing a pink ribbon)

Sam hands Dean a handgun
Dean: Oh, I'm not carrying that. (Sam gives him a look) It could go off. (grabs a flashlight) I'll man the flashlight.
Sam: You do that.

Sam: 1...2...3! (Opens locker to reveal a meowing kitten)
Dean: (Lets out a long, girly scream) That was scary!

Dean: What are we doing?
Sam: We're hunting a ghost.
Dean: A ghost, exactly. Who does that?
Sam: Us.
Dean: Us, right. And that Sam that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, C’mon, we hunt monsters! What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run. But not us, no no no, we...we search out things that want to kill us! Yeah, huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We ... are insane! You know, then there’s the crappy diner food and the-and the skivvy motel rooms and then truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Huh? Seriously! I mean do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day every single day? I don’t think so! I mean, I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I- and I-I sing along, I’m annoying, I know that. And you…you’re gassy! You eat half a burrito and you get toxic! I mean, You know what, you can forget it.
Sam: Dean, where're you going?
Dean: Stay away from me Sam, okay? Because I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and the-and the-and the hell hounds and the Ghost Sickness and the damn apocalypse. I’m out, I’m done, I quit.

Sam: Yeah. How you feeling, by the way?
Dean: Fine.
Bobby: You sure, Dean? 'Cause this line of work can get awful scary.
Dean: I'm fine. What? You want to go hunt? I'll hunt...I'll kill anything.
Sam: Awwww.
Bobby: He's adorable.

It's The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester [4.07][edit]

Sam: Really? After that guy choked down all those razor blades?
Dean: It's Halloween, man.
Sam: Yeah. For us, every day is Halloween.
Dean: Don't be a downer. Anything interesting?

Sam: What about you? Find anything on the victim?
Dean: This Luke Wallace - he was so vanilla that he made vanilla seem spicy. I can't find any reason why somebody would want this guy dead.

Sam: Once he's raised, Samhain can do some raising of his own.
Dean: Raising what, exactly?
Sam: Dark, evil crap and lots of it. I mean, They follow him around like a friggin' Pied Piper.
Dean: So we're talking ghosts.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Zombies.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Dean: Leprechauns?
Sam: Dean...
Dean: Those little dudes are scary. Small hands.

Dean: Yeah, well, if you were a six-hundred-year-old hag and you could pick any costume to come back in, wouldn't you go for a hot cheerleader? I would. Mmm.

Sam: Who are you?!
Dean: Sam! Sam, wait! It’s Castiel. The angel. Him, I don’t know.
Castiel: Hello Sam.
Sam: Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
Castiel: And I, you. Sam Winchester...The boy with the demon blood. Glad to hear you’ve ceased your extracurricular activities.
Uriel: Let’s keep it that way.
Dean: Yeah, okay, chuckles. Who’s your friend?
Castiel: This raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?
Dean: Why?
Castiel: Dean, have you located the witch?
Dean: Yes, we’ve located the witch.
Castiel: And is the witch dead?
Sam: No, but...
Dean: We know who it is.
Castiel: Apparently the witch knows who you are too. This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn’t found it, surely one or both of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?
Dean: We’re working on it.
Castiel: That’s unfortunate.
Dean: What do you care?
Castiel: The raising of Samhain is one of the 66 seals.
Dean: So this is about your buddy Lucifer.
Uriel: Lucifer is no friend of ours.
Dean: It’s just an expression.
Castiel: Lucifer cannot rise, the breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs.
Dean: Okay, great, well now that you’re here, why don’t you tell us where the witch is, we’ll gank her and everybody goes home.
Castiel: We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she’s cloaked even our methods.
Sam: Okay, we already know who she is, so if we work together-
Uriel: Enough of this.
Dean: Okay, who are you and why should I care?
Castiel: This is Uriel, he’s what you might call... a specialist.
Dean: What kind of specialist? What are you gonna do?
Castiel: You...uh both of you, you need to leave this town immediately.
Dean: Why?
Castiel: Because we’re about to destroy it.
Dean: So this is your plan, you’re gonna smite the whole friggin’ town?
Castiel: We’re out of time, this witch has to die, the seal must be saved.
Sam: There are a thousand people here.
Uriel: One thousand two hundred fourteen.
Sam: And you’re willing to kill them all?
Uriel: This isn’t the first time I’ve…purified a city.
Castiel: Look, I understand this is regrettable.
Dean: Regrettable?
Castiel: We have to hold the line; too many seals have broken already.
Dean: So you screw the pooch on some seals and now this town has to pay the price?
Castiel: It’s the lives of one thousand against the lives of six billion, there’s a bigger picture here.
Dean: Right, cause you’re bigger picture kind of guys.
Castiel: Lucifer cannot rise, he does and hell rises with him. Is that something that you’re willing to risk?
Sam: We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken and no one has to die.
Uriel: We're wasting time with these mud monkeys.
Castiel: I’m sorry, but we have our orders.
Sam: No, you can’t do this, you’re... you're angels, I mean aren’t you supposed to- You’re supposed to show mercy.
Uriel: Says who?
Castiel: We have no choice.
Dean: Of course you have a choice, I mean, come on, what? You’ve never-you've never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both just a couple of hammers?
Castiel: Look, even if you can’t understand it, have faith, the plan is just.
Sam: How can you even say that?
Castiel: Because it comes from heaven, that makes it just.
Dean: Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.
Castiel: Tell me something Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn’t you obey?
Dean: Well sorry boys, looks like the plans have changed.
Uriel: You think you can stop us?
Dean: No, but if you’re gonna smite this whole town, then you’re gonna have to smite us with it, because we are not leaving. See, you went to the trouble of busting me out of hell, I figure I’m worth something to the man upstairs. You wanna waste me? Go ahead, see how he digs that.
Uriel: I will drag you out of here myself.
Dean: Yeah, but you’ll have to kill me, then we’re back to the same problem. I mean, come on, you're gonna wipe out a whole town for one little witch. Sounds to me like you're compensating for something. We can do this, we will find that witch and we will stop the summoning.
Uriel: Castiel! I will not let these peop-
Castiel: Enough! I suggest you move quickly.

Dean: Astronaut!

Sam: I thought they'd be different.
Dean: What, the angels?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, I tried to tell you.
Sam: I just...I mean, I thought they'd be righteous.
Dean: Well, they are righteous. That's kinda the problem. Course, there's nothing more dangerous than some a-hole who thinks he's on a holy mission.
Sam: But, this is God and Heaven? This is what I've been praying to?

Dean: Don't give up on this stuff, is all I'm saying. I mean, Babe Ruth was a dick, but baseball's still a beautiful game.

Dean: Well, are you gonna figure out a way to find this witch, or are you just gonna sit there fingering your bone?

Castiel: The decision’s been made.
Uriel: By a mud monkey.
Castiel: You shouldn’t call them that.
Uriel: Ah, it’s what they are, savages, just plumbing on two legs.
Castiel: You're close to blasphemy. There’s a reason we were sent to save him, he has potential, he may succeed here. And any rate, it’s out of our hands.
Uriel: It doesn’t have to be.
Castiel: And what would you suggest?
Uriel: That we drag Dean Winchester out of here, then we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map.
Castiel: You know our true orders, are you prepared to disobey?

Tracy: My love.
Samhain: You've aged.
Tracy: This face...I can't fool you.
Samhain: Your beauty is beyond time. [snaps her neck] Whore.

Dean: Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.

Uriel: The only reason you're still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you've been useful. The moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you're worth... One word. One. And I will turn you to dust. As for your brother, tell him that maybe he should climb off of that high horse of his. Ask Dean what he remembers from Hell.

Dean: Let me guess you’re here for the, I told you so.
Castiel: No.
Dean: Well, good cause I’m really not that interested.
Castiel: I am not here to judge you Dean.
Dean: Then why are you here?
Castiel: Our orders-
Dean: Yeah, you know, I’ve had about enough of these orders of yours-
Castiel: Our orders were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to do.
Dean: Your orders were to follow my orders?
Castiel: It was a test, to see how you would perform under... battlefield conditions, you might say.
Dean: It was a witch, not the Tet Offensive. So I uh- failed your test, huh? I get it. But you know what? If you would have waved that-that magic time traveling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I’d make the same call. Cause see, I don’t know what’s gonna happen when these seals are broken, hell I don’t even know what’s gonna happen tomorrow. But what I do know is, that this, here? These kids, the swings, the trees, all of it is still here because of my brother and me.
Castiel: You misunderstand me Dean. I’m not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town.
Dean: You were?
Castiel: These people, they’re all my father’s creations. They’re works of art, and yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth, for all creation. Now that’s not an expression Dean, its a literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means. Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?
Dean: Okay.
Castiel: I’m not a…hammer as you say. I have questions, I...I have doubts. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I don’t envy the weight that’s on your shoulders Dean. I truly don’t.

Wishful Thinking [4.08][edit]

Sam: It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered hell if you didn't?
Dean: Maybe because he's a dick. Might have something to do with it.

Sam: Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under.
Dean: I don't remember a thing from my time down under. I don't remember, Sam!
Sam: Look, Dean, I just want to help.
Dean: You know everything I do. Okay? That's all there is.

Sam: Eye witness reports of a ghost that's been haunting the showers of a woman's health facility (Dean chokes on beer then downs the rest). The victim claims that the ghost threw her down a flight of stairs... I can see you're very interested.
Dean: Women? Showers? (Dean throws money on the table to pay the bill) We gotta save these people!

Candace: I'm not surprised the spirit world chose to make contact with me. I'm something of a... Natural sensitive.
Sam: I can sense that about you, Candace, that whole... Sensitive thing.
Candace: So, what did you say you're calling your book?
Sam: Oh, well, um... Well, the working title is... "Supernatural."

Dean: I got to tell you, I'm pretty disappointed.
Sam: [Exhales sharply] You wanted to save naked women.
Dean: Damn right I wanted to save some naked women.

Dean: "Run, Forrest, Run!"

Sam: Excuse us. FBI.
Police Officer: What?
Sam: Yes, sir. We're here about the, uh... That.
Police Officer: About Bigfoot?
Sam: That's right.

Dean: Well, maybe somebody's pumping LSD into the town water supply.

Dean: So,what... Bigfoot breaks into a liquor store, jonesing for some hooch? Amaretto and Irish cream. He's a girl-Drink drunk.
Sam: Hey. Check this out.
Dean: He took the whole porno rack? Well, I'll say it again. What the hell is going on in this town?

Dean: I got nothing.
Sam: It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
Dean: Or it's a Bigfoot. You know, and he's some kind of a alcoholo-Porno addict. Kind of like a deep-Woods Duchovny.

Dean: A little young for Busty Asian Beauties.

Dean: What is this, like a Harry and the Hendersons deal?

Audrey: He's my teddy bear. I think he's sick.
Dean: Wow. Uh... Amazing. 'Cause you know what? We... Are, uh... Teddy bear doctors.
Audrey: Really? Can you please take a look at him?
Sam: Sure.
Dean: Sure. Yeah.

Audrey: He's in my bedroom. He's pretty grumpy. Teddy? There's some nice doctors here to see you.
Teddy': Close the friggin' door!
Audrey: See what I mean?

Audrey: All I ever wanted was a teddy which was big, real, and talked. But now he's sad all the time not "ouch" sad, but ouch-In-The-Head sad. Says weird stuff, and smells like the bus!

Teddy Bear: Look at this. (indicates television)
(both look at television, which shows news coverage of an explosion)
Teddy Bear: Can you believe this crap?
Dean: (incredulously, looking at Teddy Bear) Not really.
Teddy Bear: It is a terrible world. (turns to Dean) Why am I here?!
Audrey: For tea parties!
Teddy Bear: Tea parties? (sobs) Is that all there is?!

Sam: Audrey, give us a second, okay? Okay.
(Sam and Dean walk a short way down the hall and pause, clearly struggling)
Sam: (whispering) Are we - should we - uh - (glances toward Audrey, before quickly turning back) are we gonna kill this teddy bear?!
Dean: (also whispering) How, huh? Shoot it? Burn it?
Sam: I dunno, (glances back again) both?
Dean: Well we dunno if that's even gonna work, an' I don't-I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed off teddy on our hands.
Sam: Yeah. Besides, I get the feeling the bear isn't really the, y'know, core problem, here.

Sam: Audrey, where are your parents?
Audrey: My mom wished they were in Bali, so I think they're in Bali

Sam: (to Audrey) I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but your bear is sick. Yeah, he's, he's got...
Dean: Lollipop disease.
Sam: Lollipop disease.
Dean: It's not uncommon for a bear his size, but see it's, it's really contagious.
Sam: Yeah. So is there-is there someone, maybe a grown up, you can stay with while we treat him?

Sam: What are you gonna wish for?
Dean: Shh! [throws a coin] Not supposed to tell.
Delivery Guy: Somebody order a footlong Italian with jalapeño?
Dean: That'd be me.

Dean: What are we supposed to do, huh? Stop people's wishes from coming true? I mean, Sounds like kind of a douchey thing to do.

Chinese waiter: Uh, gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm sorry. We don't allow people to eat outside food here.
Dean: Well, I am certainly not gonna eat the inside food here. Health department. You, my friend, have a rat infestation. We're gonna have to shut this place down under emergency hazard code 56c.

Dean: Oh, come on. Aren't you a little bit tempted?
Sam: No. Wouldn't be real. I wouldn't trust it.
Dean: I don't know. That bear seemed pretty real.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Come on, if you could wish yourself back, you know, before it all started... Think about it. You'd be some big yuppie lawyer with a nice car and a white picket fence.
Sam: Not what I'd wish for.
Dean: Seriously?
Sam: It's too late to go back to our old lives, Dean. I'm not that guy anymore.
Dean: All right, well, what, then? Hmm? What would Sammy wish for?
Sam: Lilith's head on a plate. Bloody.

Chinese waiter: Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! You are gonna break my fountain!
Sam: Sir, I don't want to slap you with a 44/16, but I will.

Sam: Dean? You all right?
Dean: The wishes turn bad, Sam. The wishes turn very bad.

[on chalkboard]: Life is meaningless. Signed, T. Bear.

Sam: Dean,wake up!
Dean: What? I'm up. What?
Sam: Sleep well?
Dean: Yeah. Tan, rested, and ready.
Sam: Dean, come on, man. You think I can't see it?
Dean: See what?
Sam: The nightmares, the drinking. I'm with you 24/7. I know something's going on.
Dean: Sam, please.
Sam: Uriel wasn't lying, but you are. You remember hell, don't you?
Dean: What do you want from me, huh? What?
Sam: The truth, Dean. I mean, I'm your brother. I-I just wish you'd talk to me.
Dean: Careful what you wish for.
Sam: Cute.
Dean: Come on, can we stow the couples therapy, huh? We're on a job. I want to work. What do you got? Please?

Wesley: Aren't you the guys from the Health Department?
Sam: Yeah. And florists on the side.
Dean: Plus FBI. And on Thursdays, we're teddy bear doctors.

Wesley: "Be careful what you wish for." You know who says that? Good-looking jerks like you guys, the ones who've got it so easy because you happen to be handsome.
Sam and Dean: Easy?
Wesley: Yeah. Women -- Women look at you, right? They notice you.
Sam: Believe us, we do not have it easy.
Dean: We are miserable. We never get what we want. In fact, we have to fight tooth and nail just to keep whatever it is we got.
Sam: But you know what? Maybe that's the whole point, Wes.
Dean: Yeah, people are people 'cause they're miserable bastards, 'cause they never get what they really want.
Sam: Right, yeah, you get what you want, you get crazy.
Dean: Just take a look at Michael Jackson, hmm? Or Hasselhoff.

Todd: Kneel before Todd!!!!!

Wes: Well, why can't we just get what we want?!
Sam: Because that's life, Wes.

Dean: Okay, man, no more! No more, okay? I wouldn't mess with this kid any more if I were you.

Dean: You were right. I shouldn't have lied to you. I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit. Everything.
Sam: So, tell me about it.
Dean: No. I won't lie anymore, but I'm not going to talk about it.
Sam: Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You gotta let me help.
Dean: How? Do you really think that a little heart-to-heart, some sharing and caring, is gonna change anything? Hmm? Somehow... heal me? I'm not talking about a bad day here.
Sam: I know that.
Dean: The things that I saw... there aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here... Forever. You wouldn't understand. And I could never make you understand. So I am sorry.

I Know What You Did Last Summer [4.09][edit]

Sam: You're not pissed we're going after the girl, you're pissed Ruby threw us the tip.
Dean: Right, 'cause as far as you're concerned that Hell-bitch is practically family. Boy, something major must have happened while I was downstairs, 'cause I come back and you're-and you're BFF with a demon?
Sam: I told you, Dean, she helped me go after Lilith.
Dean: Well thanks for the thumbnail. Real vivid. You want to fill in a little detail?
Sam: Sure Dean, let's trade stories. You first: how was hell?

Sam: I don't want 10 years. I don't want one year. I don't want candy! I want to trade places with Dean.
Crossroads Demon: No.
Sam: Just take me! It's a fair trade!
Crossroads Demon: No!
Sam: Why not? Lilith wants me dead. Just let Dean go, and she can have me.
Crossroads Demon: Don't you understand, Sam? It's not about your soul. Dean's in hell, right where we want him. We've got everything exactly the way we want it. You want to kill me? Go ahead. I've made peace with my lord.

Dean: That's Revelations.
Anna's Doctor: Since when does the Book of Revelations have jack-o-lanterns?
Dean: It's,a uh… a little-known translation.

Anna: (to Dean) It's really you. Oh my God. The angels talk about you. You were in Hell but Castiel pulled you out and some of them think you can help save us. (to Sam) And some of them don't like you at all.

Anna: First words I heard, clear as a bell: "Dean Winchester is saved."

Alastair: Hello again, Dean. Don't you recognize me? Oh, I forgot, I'm wearing a pediatrician. But we were so close...in Hell.
Dean: Alastair?

(Ruby enters a body that has just been disconnected from air in the hospital.)
Ruby: Who do I have to kill to get some french fries around here?

Sam (is cleaning a gun. Someone knocks on the door. He grabs a shotgun and opens the door, revealing Ruby possessing the coma girl. She holds up a piece of paper)
Ruby: Proof. This body is 100% socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Sam: You grabbed a coma patient?
Ruby: You didn't want me to take a body with someone in it, and I made sure that the spirit was gone. Apartment was empty. You happy?
Sam: Why are you here?
Ruby: I can't bring Dean back. But I can get you something else that you want.
Sam: And, uh... what's that?
Ruby: Lilith.
Sam: You want me to use my psychic whatever.
Ruby: Look, I know that it spooks you...
Sam: Skip the speech. I'm ready. Let's go.
Ruby: Slow down there, cowboy.
Sa,: Just tell me what I have to do.
Ruby: Look, Lilith is one scary bitch. When I was in the Pit, there was talk. She's cooking up something big -- apocalyptic big.
Sam: So let's kill her.
Ruby: You want to go in there and half-ass it like before? We have the time to get it right. Let's get it right.
Sam: Okay. What do you want from me?
Ruby: Well, a little patience... and sobriety. Promise me that... and I will teach you everything I know.
(Dean interrupts Sam's story - right at the part where he's having sex with Ruby)
Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Too much information.
Sam: Hey, I told you I was coming clean.
Dean: Yeah, well, now I feel dirty. Okay, well, uh, brain-stabbing imagery aside... So far, all you've told me about is a manipulative bitch who, uh, screwed you, played mind games with you, and did everything in the book to get you to go bad.
Sam: Yeah, well, there's more to the story.
Dean: Just... Skip the nudity, please.

Sam: Ruby?
Maid: Okay, yeah, so I'm possessing this maid for a hot minute. Sue me.
Sam: What about...
Maid: Coma girl? Slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna, so I've got to hurry back. See you when you get there. Go!

Dean: I guess I...uh... you know?
Ruby: What?
Dean: I guess I owe you. For Sam, I just...you know
Ruby: Don't strain yourself.
Dean: Okay then. Is the moment over? Good, cause that was awkward.

Heaven and Hell [4.10][edit]

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know she’s wiretapping your angel chats or whatever but that’s no reason to gank her.
Uriel: Don’t worry. I’ll kill her gentle.

Castiel: She’s far from innocent.

Uriel: Give us the girl.
Dean: Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate.

Uriel: Who’s gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore? (grabs Ruby and throws her into a window)

Dean: Iron walls drenched in salt. Demon’s can’t even touch the joint.
Ruby: Which I find racist by the way.

Sam: Where’s Bobby?
Dean: Ahh, Dominican. He said if we break anything we buy it.
Sam: Is He working a job?
Dean: God, I hope so. Otherwise, he's at hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap.
Sam: Now that's seared in my brain.

Sam: She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy.
Dean: Who was? The plumber, hmmm? A little snake in the pipes?
Sam: Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again. Look, Anna didn’t say, she just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Like very mad, like wanted to kill her mad.

Pamela: Sam, is that you?
Sam: I'm right here.
Pamela: Oh. Know how I can tell? That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing.

Pamela: You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.

Dean: So, you just forgot you were God’s little Power Ranger?
Anna: The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah.
Ruby: I don’t think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are.

Dean: That’s another question why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?
Anna: You don’t mean that.
Dean: I don’t? A bunch of miserable bastards; I mean, eating, crapping, confused, afraid-
Anna: I don't know, there’s loyalty, forgiveness, love-
Dean: Pain-
Anna: Chocolate cake-
Dean: Guilt-
Anna: Sex.
Dean: Yeah, you got me there.

Ruby: What?
Dean: Nothing. It's just… an angel and a demon, riding in the back seat. It's like the setup to a bad joke. Or a Penthouse Forum letter.
Sam: Dude. Reality. Porn.
Dean: You call this reality?

(Anna kisses Dean)
Dean: What was that for?
Anna: You know ... my last night on Earth ... all that.
Dean: You're stealing my best line.

Uriel: Look at that. It's so cute when monkeys wear clothes.

Dean: Don't normally see you off leash. Where's your boss?
Uriel: Castiel? Well, he's, uh, he's not here. You see, he has this weakness. He likes you.

Uriel: You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did.

Uriel: How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?
Alastair: Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... you sanctimonious, fanatical prick.

Dean: Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna... Unless, of course, you're scared.
Uriel: This isn't over.
Dean: Oh, it looks over to me, junkless.

Dean: I know you heard him.
Sam: Who?
Dean: Alastair. What he said... About how I had promise.
Sam: I heard him.
Dean: You're not curious?
Sam: Dean, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about hell, and I'm not pushing.
Dean: It wasn't four months, you know.
Sam: What?
Dean: It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.
Sam: Oh, my God.
Dean: They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore me in ways that you... until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... Like magic... Just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... At the end of every day... every one... He would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... If I put souls on...if I started the torture. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The... the things that I did to them.
Sam: Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.
Dean: How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

Family Remains [4.11][edit]

Sam: What are you doing?
Dean: What's it look like I'm doing?
Sam: Like you're looking for a job.
Dean: Yahtzee.

Dean: Boy, three bedrooms, two baths, and one homicide. This place is gonna sell like hotcakes.

Sam: It's probably a dumbwaiter. All these old houses had them.
Dean: Know-It-All.
Sam: What?
Dean: What?
Sam: You said...
Dean: What?
Sam: Never mind.

Dean: Well, that's super disturbing.
Sam: Think it got left behind?
Dean: By who? Unless Bill Gibson likes to play with doll heads.

Kate: Did anyone bother to check if we get a signal out here?
Brian: Actually I did Kate, but we decided to move anyway just to ruin your life.

Kate: Another motel? Awesome Dad. I hope this one has hooker sheets like the last one.

(seeing the family in the haunted house)
Dean: Crap! So, what now?
Sam: We could tell them the truth.
Dean: Really?
Sam: No, not really.

Kate: I just got molested by Casper the Pervy ghost! That's what happened!

Dean: What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?

Danny: You hunt ghosts?
Dean: That's right.
Danny: Like Scooby-Doo?
Dean: Better.

Dean: Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!

Sam: You were in Hell, Dean. But maybe you did what you did there... but you're not them. They were barely human.
Dean: No, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam. Defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure.
Sam: What?
Dean: I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years; all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself... I didn't care who they put in front of me, because that-that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

Criss Angel Is A Douchebag [4.12][edit]

Charlie: Is he wearing eye-liner?
Vernon: Can’t tell. I’m blinded by all the sterling silver.
Charlie and Vernon: What a douchebag.

Vernon: Oh, come on Jay, his misdirect is shaking his ass like an Eighth Avenue hooker.

Jay: Ah, who cares if it kills me? At least I’ll go out with a headline.

Dean: What a douchebag.
Sam: That's Jeb Dexter.
Dean: I don't even want to know how you know that.
Sam: He's famous, kind of.
Dean: For what, douchebaggery?

Dean: I can't believe people actually fall for that crap.
Sam: It's not all crap.
Dean: What part of that was not a steaming pile of B.S.?
Sam: Okay, that was crap but that’s not all magicians. It takes skill.
Dean: Oh, right, right, I forgot, you were actually into this stuff, weren’t you? I mean, you had like a deck of cards and a wand?
Sam: Dude, I was thirteen. It was a phase.

Vernon: What a douchebag.
Dean: Couldn’t agree more.

Chief: You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.
Dean: There's been a misunderstanding. I, uh, think I've been had.
Chief: Oh, you ain't been had, till you been had by the Chief. Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?

Sam: What are you doing here, Ruby?
Ruby: I should be asking you the same thing.
Sam: I'm working a job.
Ruby: The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire, and you're here in Magictown, U.S.A.
Sam: You got something against magic?

Dean: Find anything interesting?
Sam: What? No. You?
Dean: Nothin’ I wanna talk about...or think about ever again.

Dean: The Chief, huh?
Charlie: What’s the matter? Chief not your type?
Dean: Y’know, I could have you both arrested for obstruction of justice.
Vernon: How? You’re no Fed.
Charlie: We con people for a living, son. Takes more than a fake badge to get past us.
Dean: You got us. Yeah, we-we are actually...aspiring magicians.
Sam: Yeah, we-we came to the convention ‘cos we thought we could learn somethin’.
Dean: Yeah, get some ideas for our new show.
Vernon: Oooh, what kinda show?
Dean: It’s-it’s, ah...
Sam: It’s a brother act.
Dean: Yeah! Yeah, you know with rings and doves and...rings.

Sam: Do you think we will?
Dean: What?
Sam: Die before we get old.
Dean: Haven't we both already?
Sam: You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60.
Dean: No. I think we'll be dead. For good. Why, do you want to end up like... like Travis? Or Gordon, maybe?
Sam: There's Bobby.
Dean: Oh yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully.

Sam: I just wish there was a way we could go after the source, that's all. Cut the head off the snake.
Dean: Well the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads. Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen.

Dean: Yeah, it’s time we had a little chat with Jay. Any luck tailin’ him?
Sam: He slipped me.
Dean: He’s a sixty-year-old.
Sam: He’s a magician.

Sam: Wow, it’s like a magic museum.
Dean: You must be in heaven.

Dean: I ain't Steve Guttenberg and this ain't Cocoon.

Jay: Charlie was like my brother and now he's dead because I did the right thing. He offered me a gift and I just threw it back in his face, so now I have to spend the rest of my life old and alone. What's so right about that?

Afterschool Special [4.13][edit]

Dean: Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.

Sam: Having fun?
Dean: The whistle makes me their god.
Sam: Right. Nice shorts.

Dean: I had to, uh, break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and, uh, FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones.
Sam: No.

Young Dean: That kid's dead.
Young Sam: Dean.
Young Dean: I'm gonna rip his lungs out!
Young Sam: It's not a big deal.
Young Dean: Not a big deal? Sammy, look at yourself. If Dad was here...
Young Sam: He's not.
Young Dean: Well, I am. And as soon as I'm finished with that dick...
Young Sam: Just shut up, okay? I don't need your help.
Young Dean: That's right, you don't. You could've torn him apart, so why didn't you?
Young Sam: Because I don't wanna be the freak for once, Dean. I wanna be normal.

Young Sam: Any word from Dad?
Young Dean: He called this morning, says it's going to be another week, at least. We weren't supposed to be here this long.
Young Sam: At least you got Amanda. She's cool.
Young Dean: Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents.

Mr. Wyatt: Do you want to go into the family business, Sam?
Young Sam: No one's ever asked me that before.
Mr. Wyatt: Well?
Young Sam: More than anything, no.

Dean: That ghost is dead. I'm gonna rip its lungs out! ...Well, you know what I mean.

Dean: Go have your Robin Williams "O Captain! My Captain!" moment.

Dean: Ghost getting creative--well, that's super.

Dean: All right, everybody stay where you are. You'll be okay.
Jock on Bus: Aren't you the P.E. teacher?
Dean: Not really. I'm like 21 Jump Street. The bus driver sells pot. Yeah.

(an athlete collapses on top of Sam)
Sam: Little help.
Dean: He's giving you the full cowgirl.

Sex and Violence [4.14][edit]

Mr. Benson: Her name was... Jasmine.
Sam: She was a stripper?
Dean: Dude, her name was Jasmine.

Sam: Rough night?
Dr. Cara Roberts: Fun night. Rough morning.

Dean: (to Sam) Dude, you totally c-blocked me.

Sam: You seem pretty cheery.
Dean: Strippers, Sammy. Strippers! We are on an actual case involving strippers. Finally!

Sam: I just talked to Bobby. We officially have a theory.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: Siren.
Dean: Like Greek myth siren? The Odyssey? Hey, I read.

Sam: What do you think? She infects the men during sex?
Bobby: Maybe.
Dean: Supernatural STD.

Dean: What the hell am I supposed to do with him?
Sam: Just take him to the strip club, keep an eye out for the siren. Come on, Dean. Just, just focus on the naked girls. You'll forget he's even there.
Dean: I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the girls.

Dean: You know, for a Fed you're not a total dick.
Nick: Aren't we both Feds?
Dean: Yeah, I know, I just... y'know, not a lot of Feds as cool as us, huh?

Cara: Haven't you ever been in a relationship where you really loved somebody and still kinda wanted to bash their head in?

Dean: Did you sleep with her?
Sam: No?
Dean: Holy crap, you did. Middle of Basic Instinct and you bang Sharon Stone? Sam, you could be under her spell right now.
Sam: Dude, I'm not under her spell
Dean: Unbelievable, man, I just don't get it.
Sam: What?
Dean: Nothing.
Sam: No, say it.
Dean: Nah, it's just first it's Madison and then Ruby and now Cara. It's like what is it with you and bangin' monsters?

Nick: Dean's all mine.
Sam: You poisoned him.
Nick: Nah, I gave him what he needed. And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you. A little brother that looked up to him. That he could trust. And now he loves me, he'd do anything for me.

Dean:Well, I dunno when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell. Maybe when I was starin’ right at you. But the Sam I knew; he’s gone.
Sam: That so.
Dean: And it’s not the demon blood or the psychic crap...it’s the little stuff. The lies. The secrets.
Sam: Oh yeah, what secrets?
Dean: Your phone calls to Ruby, for one.
Sam: So I need your say-so to make a phone call?
Dean: That’s the point. You’re hiding things from me. What else aren’t you telling me?
Sam: None of your business.
Dean: See what I mean? We used to be in this together. We used to have each other’s backs!
Sam: Okay, fine, you wanna know why I didn’t tell you about Ruby? And how we’re hunting down Lilith? Because you’re too weak to go after her, Dean. You’re holding me back. I’m a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter; I can take out demons you’re too scared to go near.
Dean: That’s crap.
Sam: You’re too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell, boo-hoo... You’re not standin’ in my way, anymore!

Sam: Dean, look, you know I didn’t mean the things I said back there, right? That it was just the Sirens spell talking?
Dean: Of course, me too.
Sam: Okay. So... so we’re good?
Dean: Yeah, we’re good.

Death Takes a Holiday [4.15][edit]

Sam: What?
Dean: This job is jacked that's what.
Sam: How so?
Dean: You want me to gank a monster or torch a corpse, hey, lets light it up, right? Bu- But this? If we fix whatever this is people are going to start dropping dead. Good people.
Sam: Look, I-I don't want them to die either Dean, but there's a... natural order.
Dean: You're kidding right?
Sam: What?
Dead: You don't see the irony in that? I mean, you and me, we're like the poster boys of the unnatural order. All we do is ditch death.
Sam: Yeah but the normal rules don't really apply to us. Do they?
Dean : We're no different than anybody else.
Sam : I'm infected with demon blood. You've been to Hell. Look, I know you want to think of yourself as Joe the Plumber, Dean, but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that the better off you're gonna be.
Dean: Joe the Plumber was a douche.

Alastair: You're stronger, Sam. You've been soloflexing with your little slut.
Sam: You have no idea.

Sam: How you doing?
Dean: I'm in pain that's how I'm doing. I think I have a concussion.
Sam: You want some aspirin?
Dean: No thanks, House.

Dean: Well, how come he couldn't fling you? He chucked you pretty good last time.
Sam: Got no idea.
Dean: Sam, do me a favor. If you're gonna keep your little secrets, I can't really stop you, but just don't treat me like I'm an idiot, okay?
Sam: What? Dean, I'm not keeping secrets.

Sam: Dean, reapers are invisible, the only people who can see them are the dead and the dying.
Dean: Well if ghosts are the only ones that can see them...
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Then we become ghosts.
Sam: You do have a concussion.
Dean: Sounds crazy. I know.
Sam: It is crazy.

Pamela: I can't even begin to tell you how crazy you two are.
Sam: Well, Pamela, you are a sight for sore eyes.
Pamela: Ah, that's sweet Grumpy. What do you say to deaf people?

Pamela: Tell me something, geniuses. Even if you do break into the Veil and you find the Reaper, how you going to save it?
Dean: With style and class.

Dean: I'm so feeling up Demi Moore.

Dean: (as a ghost, sticking his hand in Sam) Am I making you uncomfortable?
Sam: Get out of me.
Dean: You're such a prude. Come on.

Cole: Yeah. Thanks, Haley Joel, I know I'm dead.

Tessa: You don't remember me?
Dean: Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a girl say that...

Dean: How the hell are we supposed to fight that?
Sam: I don't know. Learn some ghost moves?
Dean: By tonight? Yeah, sure. I'll meet you back at Mr. Miyagi's.
Cole: Who's Mr. Miyagi?

Dean: Dude! You are so Amityville!

Sam: Dude, I'm not gonna do Fight Club with a 12-year-old.

Sam: Go to Hell.
Alastair: Oh, if only I could. But they just keep sending me back up to this Arctic craphole.

Dean: What the hell?
Castiel: Guess again.

On the Head of a Pin [4.16][edit]

Uriel: Now, you mind your tone with me.
Dean: No, you mind your damn tone with us.
Sam: We just got back from Pamela's funeral.
Dean: Pamela, you know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You-you burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times!

Dean: I want to talk to Cas alone.
Uriel: I think I'll go seek... revelation. We might have some further orders.
Dean: Well, get some doughnuts while you're out.
Uriel: Ah, this one, just won’t quit, will he? I think I’m starting to like you boy. [Uriel disappears]
Dean: You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby. You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor that you do.
Castiel: Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
Dean: What’s goin’ on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?
Castiel: My superiors have begun to question my sympathies.
Dean: Your sympathies?
Castiel: I was getting to close to the humans in my charge: you. They feel I’ve begun to express emotions; doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgement.
Dean: Well, tell Uriel, or whoever, you do not want me doing this. Trust me.
Castiel: Want it, no. But I’ve been told we need it.
Dean: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.
Castiel: For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

Alastair: [singing:] Heaven. I’m in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we’re out together and dancing cheek to cheek. [laughing] I’m sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just that, I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?
Dean: You’ve got one chance. One. Tell me who’s killing the angels. I want a name.
Alastair: You think I’ll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?
Dean: Oh, you’ll spill your guts one way or another. I just didn’t want to ruin my shoes. Now answer the question.
Alastair: Or what? You’ll work me over? But then, maybe, you don’t want to. Maybe, you’re a little scared to.
Dean: I’m here, aren’t I?
Alastair: Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let’s see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?
Dean: You’re gonna be disappointed.
Alastair: You have not disappointed me so far. Come on, you’ve gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you, for all the pokes and prods. No? Well, how about for all the things I did to your daddy?

Alastair: I had your pop on my rack for close to a century.
Dean: You can’t stall forever.
Alastair: John Winchester made quite a name for himself. A hundred years. After each session I’d... I'd make him the same offer I made you: I’d put down my blade if he picked one up...
Dean: Just give me the demon’s name, Alastair.
Alastair: ... but he said nein, each and every time... Damned if I couldn’t break him. Pulled out all the stops. But John, he was made of something unique, the stuff of heroes. And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it again. But, daddy’s little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Ah, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean? No. Now we’re getting somewhere. Holy water? Come on. Grasshopper, you’re gonna have to get creative to impress me.
Dean: You know something, Alastair? I could still dream, even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment. And believe me... I’ve got a few ideas. Let’s get started.

Alastair: Go directly to Hell. Do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Alastair: I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back.
Dean: Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve. (twists the knife.)

Anna: Why are you letting Dean do this?
Castiel: He’s doing God’s work.
Anna: Torturing? That’s God’s work? Stop him, Cas. Please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have.
Castiel: Who are we to question the will of God?
Anna: Unless this isn’t His will.
Castiel: Then where do the orders come from?
Anna: I don’t know. One of our superiors maybe. But not Him.

Anna: The Father you love, you think He wants this? You think He’d ask this of you? You think this is righteous? What you’re feeling, it’s called doubt. These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You’re afraid, Cas. I was too. [places her hand on top of his] But, together we can s—
Castiel: Together? [removes his hand from under hers] I am nothing like you. You fell. Go.
Anna: Cas...
Castiel: Go.

Alastair: Sorry. Something caught in my throat...I think it's my throat.

Alastair: You know, it was supposed to be your father. He was supposed to bring it on. But in the end, it was you.
Dean: Bring what on?
Alastair: Every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father, and finally you said sign me up. Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch. That was the first seal.
Dean: You're lying.
Alastair: "And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break." We had to break the first seal before any others, only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Top of the one at the front of the line. When we win, when we bring on the Apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester. Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about that. It's kind of a religious sort of thing, I think.
Dean: No, I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win, you won't be there to see it.

Alastair: You’ve got a lot to learn, boy. So I’ll see you back in class, bright and early, Monday morning.

Alastair: Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn’t kill seven angels. She’d kill a hundred, a thousand. Oh, go ahead. Send me back. If you can.
Sam: I’m stronger than that now. Now I can kill. [uses his power to kill Alastair]

Castiel: Lucifer is not God.
Uriel: God isn't God any more.

Castiel: You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.
Uriel: You haven't even met the man. [punches Castiel between each sentence] There is no will. No wrath. No God. [suddenly a blade emerges from his throat]
Anna: Maybe, maybe not. But there's still me. [removes the blade and Uriel dies in a burst of bright light leaving his wings seared into the floor]

Castiel: Are you alright?
Dean: No thanks to you.
Castiel: You need to be more careful.
Dean: You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil’s Trap.
Castiel: That’s not what I mean. Uriel is dead.
Dean: Was it the demons?
Castiel: It was disobedience. He was workin’ against us.
Dean: Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?
Castiel: Yes. When we discovered Lilith’s plan for you, we laid siege to Hell. And we fought our way to get to you before you –
Dean: Jump-started the apocalypse.
Castiel: We were too late.
Dean: Why didn’t you just leave me there then?
Castiel: It’s not blame that falls on you, Dean. It’s fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.
Dean: Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don’t you go disappearing on me you son-of-a-bitch. What does that mean?
Castiel: I don’t know.
Dean: Bull!
Castiel: I don’t. Dean, they don’t tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.
Dean: Well, then you guys are screwed. I can’t do it, Cas. It’s too big. Alastair was right. I’m not all here, I’m not st—I’m not strong enough. Well, I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It’s not me.

It's a Terrible Life [4.17][edit]

Ian: What do you think of, uh, Mimi?
Sam: She’s okay.
Ian: Might have to hit that.
Sam: Oh, dude, that’s totally age inappropriate.
Ian: Experience.
Sam: Eh...Trifocals.

Sam: Can I ask you a question?
Dean: Look, man, I told you, I'm not into the, uh...
Sam: Oh dude, come on, I'm not either. I just wanna ask you one question.

Sam: I just can't shake this feeling like I... like I don't belong here. You know what I mean? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle.
Dean: I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way.

Dean: We do what I do best, Sammy. Research.
Sam: Okay. Did you just call me "Sammy"?
Dean: Did I?
Sam: I think you did. Yeah. Don't.

Ed Zeddemore: We know why you’re watching.
Harry Spengler: You’ve got a problem.
Ed: A ghost problem.
Harry:A ghost related problem. A ghost, it’s like a ghost adjacent pro- it’s like a problem that’s ghost—
Ed: Whatever.

Ed: First, salt; it's like acid to ghosts.
Harry: Burny acid.
Ed: Not LSD.
Harry: No, it's a bad trip for ghosts.

Ed: Next little trick, we learnt this from those... useless douchebags...
Harry: That we hate...
Ed: ...The Winchesters. Gun.
Harry: Shotgun shell.
Ed: Pack it up with fresh rock salt. Very effective.
Harry: ... very effective.
Ed: Winchesters still suck ass though.
Harry: Affirmative. Suckage major.

Harry: The aforementioned super annoying Winchester douchnozels also taught us this one other thing.
Ed: You have to burn the remains. Okay, this next part gets a little gross. Sometimes you might have to dig up the body. Sorry.
Harry: It's illegal in some states.
Ed: All states.
Harry: Possibly all states.

Ed: Fight well, young lions.

Dean: Details are everything! You don't want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.

Zachariah: You should see my découpage.
Dean: [brief pause] Gross... no, thank you.

Zachariah: Real place, real haunting. Just plunked you in the middle without the benefit of your memories.
Dean: Just to shake things up? Hmm? So you guys can have fun watching us run around like assclowns in monkey suits!?
Zachariah: To prove to you that the path you're on is truly in your blood. You're a Hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from Hell, but because it is what you are and you love it, you'll find you to it in the dark every single time and you're miserable without it. Dean, let's be real here. You're good at this.

Zachariah: You'll do everything you're destined to do, all of it. But I know, I know, you're not strong enough, you're scared, you got daddy issues, you can't do it, right?
Dean: Angel or not, I will stab you in your face.
Zachariah: All I'm saying is, it's how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things, save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse, it's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around: there are plenty of fates worse than yours. So you with me? You want to go steam yourself another latte, or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

The Monster at the End of this Book [4.18][edit]

Dean: (reading a Supernatural book) This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?
Sam: You got me.
Dean: Everything is in here, I mean everything, from the racist truck to-to me having sex. I'm full frontal in here, dude.

Dean: There's Sam girls and Dean girls. And what's a slash fan?
Sam: As in... Sam slash Dean. Together.
Dean: Like... together together?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: They do know we're brothers, right?
Sam: Doesn't seem to matter.
Dean: Ah, come on. That... that's just sick.

Sam: Well, we're hoping that our article can... shine a light on an under-appreciated series.
Sera: Yeah! Yeah, I mean, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we could start publishing again!
Dean: No, no, no. God no. I mean, why, why would you want to do that? You know, it's uh...such a complete series. What with Dean going to Hell and all.
Sera: Oh my God, that was one of my favorite ones because Dean was so... strong and sad and brave. And Sam... oh, I mean the best parts are when they cry, you know, like in... in "Heart." When Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help. If only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings.
Dean: Real men?
Sera: Oh... I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that, hmm?
Dean: Well, right now I'm crying on the inside.
Sera: Is that supposed to be funny?
Dean: Lady, this whole thing is funny.

Chuck: Look, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's-it's always nice to hear from fans. But for your own good I strongly suggest you get a life.

Chuck: ... Oh, you're still there.
Dean: Yup.
Chuck: You're not a hallucination.
Dean: Nope.
Chuck: Well... there's only one explanation. Obviously, I'm a God.

Sam: We think you're probably just psychic.
Chuck: No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard.

Dean: I'm sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself. My head hurts.
Sam: There's gotta be something this guy's not telling us.
Dean: [reading] "Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth."
Sam: Stop it.
Dean: [reading] "'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.
Sam: [turns away from Dean]
Dean: '[reading] "Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive." I mean, I dunno how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those're definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders.
Sam: .....
Dean: [glances down at Chuck's writings] ... you just thought I was a dick.
Sam: [turns back to Dean] Guy's good.

Dean: It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.
Sam: Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide than fight.

Dean: Oh my God! This is delicious! Tofu is amazing!
Waitress: I am so sorry! I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.

Dean: Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn.

Chuck: Dean.
Dean: I take it you knew I'd be here.
Chuck: You look terrible.
Dean: It's because I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.
Chuck: Oh.
Dean: That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true, that's all you have to say is "oh"?!

Castiel: (commandingly) Dean, let him go! This man is to be protected.
Dean: Why?
Castiel: He’s a prophet of the Lord.

Chuck: You... you’re Castiel. Aren’t you?
Castiel: It’s an honor to meet you, Chuck. I admire your work.
Dean: Whoa whoa whoa. What, this guy, a prophet? Come on! He’s practically a penthouse forum writer! (to Chuck) Did you know about this?
Chuck: I uh - I might have dreamt about it.
Dean: And you didn’t tell us?
Chuck: It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant; I mean writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness.
Dean: (to Castiel) This is the guy who decides our fate?
Castiel: He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece, a conduit for the inspired word.
Dean: The word? The word of God? What, like the New New Testament?
Castiel: One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.
Dean & Chuck: You gotta be kidding me.

Dean: Him? Really?
Castiel: You should've seen Luke...

Dean: Why’d he get tapped?
Castiel: I don’t know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command.
Dean: How high?
Castiel: Very.
Dean: Well whatever. How do we get around this?
Castiel: Around... what?
Dean: This Sam-Lillith love connection! How do we stop it from happening?
Castiel: What the prophet has written can’t be unwritten. As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass.

Sam: You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go darkside.
Dean: Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately! The things you've been doing! Oh, I know. How you ripped Alistair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay?
Sam: ... What else did he tell you?
Dean: Nothing I don't already know. That you've been using your psychic crap and you've been getting stronger, we just don't know why, we don't know how.
Sam: It's not what you think...
Dean: Then what is it, Sam?! 'Cause I'm at a total loss!

Dean: Well, I feel stupid doing this, but... I am fresh out of options. So please. I need some help. I’m praying, okay? Now come on! Please.
Castiel: Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing, Dean.
Dean: So does that mean you’ll help me?
Castiel: I’m not sure what I can do.
Dean: Drag Sam out of here now, before Lillith shows up!
Castiel: It’s a prophecy. I can’t interfere.
Dean: You have tested me, and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing. But now I’m asking. I need your help. Please.
Castiel: What you’re asking, it’s not within my power to do.
Dean: Why, cause it’s divine prophecy?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: So what, we’re just supposed to sit around and-and wait for it to happen?
Castiel: I’m sorry.
Dean: Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don’t help me now, then when the time comes and you need me? Don’t bother knocking.
Castiel: Dean. Dean!
Dean: What?
Castiel: You must understand why I can’t intercede. Prophets are very special, they’re protected.
Dean: I get that.
Castiel: If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all - an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They’re absolute. They’re Heaven’s most terrifying weapon.
Dean: And these archangels, they’re tied to prophets?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon...
Castiel: Then the most fearsome wrath of Heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand... why I can’t help.
Dean: Thanks, Cas.
Castiel: Good luck.

Chuck: What're you doing here? I didn't write this.
Dean: Come on, I need you to come with me.
Chuck: What? Where?
Dean: To the motel where Sam is.
Chuck: That's where Lilith is.
Dean: Yeah, exactly, I need you to stop her.
Chuck: Are you insane? Lilith?! I know what she's capable of, Dean. I wrote her.

Dean: This isn't a story anymore, man! This is real! And you're in it. Now I need you to get off your ass, and fight. Come on Chuck.
Chuck: ... no friggin' way.
Dean: Okay, well then how 'bout this? I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.
Chuck: I thought you said I was protected by an Archangel.
Dean: ... interesting exercise. Let's see who the quicker draw is.

Chuck: I am the prophet, Chuck!

Zachariah: Did you see it?
Chuck: Who are you?
Zachariah: I’m Zachariah. You may know me from your work.
Chuck: What do you want?
Zachariah: Did you see it?
Chuck: Is it true? Is all of that really going to happen?
Zachariah: Have you been wrong so far?
Chuck: I gotta warn Sam and Dean!
Zachariah: I wouldn’t advise it. People shouldn’t know too much about their own destiny. You try, and I’ll stop you. Where are you going?
Chuck: To go kill myself.
Zachariah: Don't be melodramatic, Chuck. We'd only bring you back to life.
Chuck: What am I supposed to do?
Zachariah: What you always do. Write.

Jump the Shark [4.19][edit]

Dean: Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
Sam: Maybe he slipped one past the goalie.
Dean: Dude!

Adam: He's a mechanic, right?
Dean: A car fell on him.

Adam: Okay, so basically you're saying that every movie monster, every nightmare that I've ever had, that's all real.
Dean: Godzilla's just a movie.

Adam: How can I help?
Dean: You can't.
Adam: This thing killed my mom. If you're hunting it, I want in.
Dean: No.
Sam: Dean, look maybe...
Dean: (interrupting) Maybe what?
Sam: He lost his mother. Maybe we can understand what that feels like.
Dean: Why do you think dad never told us about this kid, Sam, huh? Why do you think he ripped out the pages?
Sam: Because...
Dean: (interrupting) Because he was protecting him!
Sam: Dad's dead, Dean.
Dean: It doesn't matter! He didn't want Adam to have our lives, okay? And we're gonna respect his wishes.
Adam: Do I get a say in this?
Dean and Sam (in unison): No!

Graveyard Caretaker: Tell me, Agent Nugent, have you thought about where you might like to spend eternity?
Dean: All the damn time.

(Montage of Sam and Adam salting all the windows and boarding up all but one of the vents in Adam's house.)
Sam: Alright, we've closed off every other way into the house. If this thing's coming, it's coming through here.
(Sound of front door creaking open.)
Adam: You were saying?

Dean: You know I finally get why you and dad butted heads so much. You two are practically the same person. I mean I worshiped the guy, y'know: I-I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listened to the same music. But you are more like him than I will ever be. I see that now.
Sam: I'll take that as a compliment.
Dean: You can take it any way you want.

The Rapture [4.20][edit]

Castiel: We need to talk.
Dean: I'm dreaming, aren't I?
Castiel: It's not safe here... someplace more private.
Dean: More private? We're inside my head.
Castiel: Exactly. Someone could be listening.
Dean: Cas, what’s wrong?
Castiel: Meet me here. Go now.

Dean: Cas you okay?
Jimmy: Castiel - I’m not Castiel. It’s me.
Sam: Who’s me?
Jimmy: Jimmy - my name’s Jimmy.
Dean: Where the hell is Castiel?
Jimmy: He’s gone.

Dean: What were you doing anyway?
Sam: I went for a Coke.
Dean: Was it a refreshing Coke?

Dean: You look terrific.
Anna: Uh, yeah... Not the most appropriate time, Dean.

Claire: Hi Daddy!
Jimmy: Hi baby.
Amelia: Okay, so we have turkey and roast beef... it better be okay, it’s all we have.
Jimmy: Oh it’s fine. It's more than fine. Should we sit?
Amelia: Yeah.
Jimmy: It’s perfect (picks up a sandwich)
Claire: Daddy? Aren’t you going to say grace?
Jimmy: No honey, I don’t think I am.
Claire: Why are you crying?
Jimmy: Because I’m happy.

Sam: You have to come with us.
Jimmy: How long? And don't give me that "cross that bridge when we get to it" crap.
Sam: Don't you get it? Forever. The demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. So, you either get as far away from them as possible. Or you put a bullet in your head, And that's how you keep your family safe. But there's no getting out and there's no going home.
Dean: Well don't sugarcoat it, Sam.

Sam: I got a little dizzy.
Dean: Look, you can call it whatever you want. Point is, you used to be strong enough to kill Alastair. Now you can't even kill Stunt Demon #3.
Sam: What do you want me to say about it Dean?
Dean: For starters, what's going on with your mojo? I mean it's yo-yoing all over the place. I'm not trying to pick a fight here, okay? I just-you're scaring me man.
Sam: I'm scaring myself.

Jimmy: Castiel you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay, you promised you were gonna take care of them! I gave you everything you asked me to give, I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your Heaven? Help me, please! You promised, Cas! Just help me!

Castiel/Claire: Of course we keep our promises. Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well. Your work is done. It’s time to go home now. Your real home. You’ll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Claire!
Castiel/Claire: She’s with me now. She’s chosen. It’s in her blood. As it was in yours.
Jimmy: Please, Castiel. You need to take me. Take me, please.
Castiel/Claire: I want to make sure you understand. You won’t die, or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred. A thousand more like it.
Jimmy: It doesn’t matter! You take me! Just take me.
Castiel/Claire: As you wish.

Dean: Cas, hold up. What were you gonna tell me?
Castiel: I learned my lesson while I was away Dean. I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you.

Sam: You saw what I did, come on, stop the car, take a swing!
Dean: I'm not gonna take a swing.
Sam: Then scream, chew me out!

(Bobby, Sam, and Dean are standing outside Bobby's panic room)
Bobby: Go on inside, I want to show you something. (Sam walks in)
Sam: Alright. So, uh, what's the big demon problem?
Bobby: You are. This is for your own good (locks Sam inside the panic room).

When the Levee Breaks [4.21][edit]

Sam: I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks. I'm getting strong enough to kill Lilith.

Dean: How long is this gonna go on?
Bobby: Here, let me look it up in my demon-detox manual. Oh, wait. No one ever wrote one.

Young Sam: The answer is yes, you're hallucinating. That's right, it's me, or I mean it's you
Sam: I'm losing my mind.
Young Sam: Definitely.
Sam: What do you want?
Young Sam: An explanation. How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal.
Sam: I tried, I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry kid.
Young Sam: Sorry kid, that's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close! You got away from dad, you quit hunting, you were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?
Sam: Look, they killed Jessica.
Young Sam: Yeah, and if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you had been there to protect her, she'd still be alive.
Sam: I know.
Young Sam: Think Jess would want you to turn into this? She loved you! You think she'd be happy, you using her as an excuse?
Sam: I'm sorry, I am, but life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would when you were 14 years old. We were never gonna be normal, we were never gonna get away. Grow up.
Young Sam: Maybe you're right, maybe there's, no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you? [eyes turn yellow]

Dean: Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something.
Castiel: Nothing of import.
Dean: You got ass-reamed in Heaven but it was not "of import"?

Castiel: Get to the reason you really called me; it's about Sam, right?
Dean: ... Can he do it? Kill Lilith? Stop the Apocalypse?
Castiel: Possibly, yes. But, as you know, he would have to take certain steps.
Dean: Crank up the hell-blood regimen.
Castiel: Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever; most likely he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.

Castiel: [to Dean] Stand up, and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it.

Castiel: Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and His angels?
Dean: Yeah, exactly.
Castiel: Say it.
Dean: I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys.

Bobby: Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch? I'm sorry. You prefer "sucker"?

(Sam unlocks the door to Bobby's car and sees Bobby standing behind him with a shot gun, Sam slowly stands)
Bobby: (cocks shotgun) Uh-uh Sam, the only place you're going is back inside with me.
Sam: No
Bobby: Damn it, boy.
Sam: You won't shoot me Bobby.
Bobby: Don't test me.
Sam: You won't do it. (walks forward until Bobbby's gun is pressed to his stomach) You can't do it.
Bobby: We're trying to help you, Sam.
Sam: (places one hand on the barrel of the gun and raises it to his heart) Then shoot.

Dean: Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing. At this point, I hope he's with Ruby.
Bobby: Why?
Dean: 'Cause killing her is the next big item on my to-do list.
Bobby: I thought you were on call for angel duty.
Dean: I am on call, in my car, on my way to murder the bitch.

Sam: Stop bossing me around, Dean! Look, my whole life you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now, I am asking you, for once, trust me.
Dean: No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam.
Sam: Yes, I do!
Dean: Then that's worse!
Sam: Why? Look I'm telling you-
Dean: Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means...
Sam: What? No. Say it!
Dean: It means you're a monster.

Sam: You don't know me. You never did, and you never will.

Dean: If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

Lucifer Rising [4.22][edit]

Azazel: I suppose some dumb bastard stood here, felt a jolt of his holy juice and thought "I'm going to build me a nun factory." Well, it was the right idea... wrong angel.

Dean: I'm not even sure if he's still my brother any more. If he ever was.
Bobby: You stupid stupid son of a bitch! Well boo hoo. I am so sorry your feelings are hurt... princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family.
Dean: I told him "If you walk out that door, don't come back" and he walked out anyway .. that was his choice!
Bobby: You sound like a whiny brat... No you sound like your dad. Well let me tell you something, your dad was a coward
Dean: My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward.
Bobby: He'd rather push Sam away then reach out to him... well that don't strike me as brave... you are a better man than your daddy ever was, so you do both of us a favor... don't be him

Dean: How about this? The "Suite Life of Zach and Cas".

Zachariah: Try a burger. They're your favorite. From that seaside shack in Delaware. You were eleven, I think.
Dean: I'm not hungry.
Zachariah: No? How about Ginger from Season 2 of Gilligan's Island? You do have a thing for her, don't you?
Dean: Tempting. Weird.
Zachariah: We'll throw in Mary Anne for free.

Dean: Bail on the holodeck, okay? I want to know what the game plan is.
Zachariah: Let us worry about that. We want you... focused, relaxed.
Dean: Well, I'm about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking, Chuckles.

Zachariah: We'll do our job, you just make sure you do yours.
Dean: Yeah, and what is that, exactly? I'm supposed to be the one that stops her, how? With the knife?
Zachariah: All in good time.
Dean: Isn't now a good time?
Zachariah: Have faith.
Dean: What, in you? Give me one good reason why I should.
Zachariah: Because you swore your obedience... so obey.

Sam: Where's Lilith?
Demon: I'm not scared of you.
Sam: Yeah, you are, actually. And with good reason.
Demon: Look... what's my upside? Okay, I tell you, you kill me. I don't tell you, you still kill me. I get away somehow, Lilith will definitely kill me. So where's my carrot?

Dean: I'm still pissed, and I owe you a serious beatdown, but...I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm not dad. We're brothers, you know, we're family, and, uh, no matter how bad it gets, that doesn't change. Sammy, I'm sorry.

Ruby: (referring to disemboweled nuns) What's black and white and red all over?

Castiel: You asked to see me.
Dean: Yeah, listen, I, uh, I need something.
Castiel: Anything you wish.
Dean: I need you to take me to see Sam.
Castiel: Why?
Dean: There's something I gotta talk to him about.
Castiel: What's that?
Dean: ... The BM I took this morning, what's it to you? Just make it snappy.
Castiel: I don't think that's wise.
Dean: Well, I didn't ask you for your opinion.
Castiel: Have you forgotten what happened the last time you met?
Dean: No. That's the whole point. Listen, I'm gonna do whatever you mooks want, okay? I just need to tie up this one thing; five minutes, that's all I need.
Castiel: ... No.
Dean: ... What do you mean "no"? Are you saying that I'm trapped here?
Castiel: You can go wherever you want.
Dean: Super, I wanna go see Sam.
Castiel: Except there.
Dean: I wanna take a walk.
Castiel: Fine, I'll go with you.
Dean: Alone.
Castiel: No.
Dean: ... You know what, screw this noise; I'm outta here.
Castiel: Through what door?

Zachariah: Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.

Zachariah: Our grunts on the ground - we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?

Zachariah: The apocalypse. Poor name, bad marketing, puts people off, when all it is is Ali/Foreman. On a slightly larger scale.

Dean: What happens to all the people during your little pissing contest?
Zachariah: Well, can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. In this case, truckloads of eggs, but you get the picture.

Zachariah: When you've won, your rewards will be unimaginable. Peace, happiness, two virgins and 70 sluts...

Dean: Tell me something. Where's God in all this?
Zachariah: God? God has left the building.

Castiel: You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone.
Dean: What're you gonna do to Sam?
Castiel: Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself.
Dean: What's that supposed to mean? Oh right, right. Better toe the company line. Why are you here, Cas?
Castiel: We've been through much together, you and I; I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this.
Dean: Sorry? (Dean hits Castiel) It's Armageddon, Cas, you need a bigger word than "sorry."
Castiel: Try to understand; this is long foretold, this is your--
Dean: Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families - that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?
Castiel: What is so worth saving?! I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you, I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In Paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.
Dean: You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in Paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier; there is a right, and there is a wrong here, and you know it. Look at me! You know it! And you were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible Camp. Help me, now. Please.
Castiel: ...What would you have me do?
Dean: Get me to Sam, we can stop this before it's too late!
Castiel: I do that, we will all be hunted! We'll all be killed!
Dean: If there is anything worth dying for... this is it... (Castiel shakes his head) You spineless, soulless son of a bitch! What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.
Castiel: Dean.
Dean: We're done.

Chuck: (Speaking on the phone) Oh yeah? Really? At the same time? Really? Wow. That sounds... moist.
Woman: (On the phone, laughs) Well, it can be.
Chuck: What're your rates?
Woman: We can get you one girl, one hour, one thousand.
Chuck: ... okay, then I'll take 20 girls, for the whole night.
Woman: I'm... not sure you can afford that.
Chuck: Lady, sometimes you gotta live like there's no tomorrow. (Turns to see Dean and Castiel standing in his kitchen) ... wh--th-th-this isn't supposed to happen.
Woman: Sir?
Chuck: (Speaks hastily into the phone) No, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen, but... I just gotta call you back. (Hangs up and stares at Dean and Castiel) I...

Lilith: Don't be afraid; we're going to save the world.

Dean: (Reading from Chuck's writings) St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?
Chuck: Yeah, but... you guys aren't supposed to be there; you're not in this story.
Castiel: Yeah, well... we're making it up as we go.
Chuck: (His house begins to shake violently, as light surrounds the room) What--? Oh man... not again! (Sparks fly from his computer) Agh!
Castiel: (Shouts over the noise) It's the Archangel! (To Dean) I'll hold him off; I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!

Sam: I've been waiting for this for a very long time.
Lilith: Then give me your best shot.

Lilith: [Laughing] You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable. [Sam uses his powers to kill her, his eyes turning black]

Ruby: I can't believe it.
Sam: Ruby, what's going on?
Ruby: You did it. I-I mean, it was a little touch and go there for a while, but you did it.
Sam: What? What-what did I do?
Ruby: You opened the door, and now he's free at last. He's free at last!
Sam: No, no, no-he, eh Lilith. I stopped her. I killed her!
Ruby: "And it is written, that the first demon shall be the last seal." And you busted her open, now guess who's coming to dinner.
Sam: Oh my god.
Ruby: Guess again!

[Dean bursts in, drawing Ruby's Knife. She turns to face him]
Ruby: You're too late.
Dean: I don't care.
[Sam grabs a shocked Ruby from behind and Dean stabs her with the knife and then twists it before pulling it out. Ruby falls to the ground, dead]

Sam: He's coming...

Season 5[edit]

Sympathy For the Devil [5.01][edit]

Dean: All right, well, first things first; how did we end up on Soul Plane?

Dean: Where's Cas?
Chuck: He's dead. Or gone. The archangels smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry.
Dean: You're sure? I mean, maybe he just vanished into the light or something.
Chuck: Oh, no. He, like, exploded. Like a water balloon of chunky soup.

Chuck: Oh god. Is that a molar? Now I have a molar in my hair? This has been a really stressful day.

Becky: Yes, I'm a fan, but I really don't appreciate being mocked. I know that "Supernatural" is just a book, okay? I know the difference between fantasy and reality.
Chuck: Becky, it's all real.
Becky: I knew it!

Becky: He had a vision. "The Michael sword is on earth. The angels lost it."
Dean: The Michael sword?
Sam: Becky, does he know where it is?
Becky: In a castle. On a hill made of forty-two dogs.
Dean: Forty-two dogs...?
Sam: Uh, are you sure you got that right?
Becky: It doesn't make sense! But that's what he said. I memorized every word... for you.
Sam: Um... Becky, can- uh... can you quit touching me?
Becky: No.

Bobby: That's Michael. Toughest son of a bitch they've got.
Dean: Are you kidding me? Tough? The guy looks like Cate Blanchett.

Sam: You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on.
Bobby: You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant.
Sam: I'm sorry.
Bobby: Oh, yeah? You're sorry you started Armageddon?! This kind of thing don't get forgiven, boy. If by some miracle we pull this off... I want you to lose my number. You understand me?

Zachariah: I see you told the demons where the sword is.
Dean: Oh, thank God, the angels are here.

Zachariah: We may have planted that particular piece of prophecy inside Chuck's skull, but it happened to be true. We did lose the Michael sword, we truly couldn't find it. Until now, you've just hand-delivered it to us.
Dean: We don't have anything.
Zachariah: ...It's you, Chucklehead. You're the Michael sword.

Zachariah: You're Michael's weapon. Or rather his... receptacle.
Dean: I'm a vessel?
Zachariah: You're the vessel. Michael's vessel.
Dean: How? Why- why me?
Zachariah: Because you're chosen! It's a great honor, Dean.
Dean: Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
Zachariah: Joking. Always joking, well... no more jokes. Bang. [breaks Sam's legs]
Dean: You son of a bitch!
Zachariah: Keep mouthing off, I'll break more than his legs.

Dean: You need my consent. Michael needs my say-so to ride around in my skin.
Zachariah: Unfortunately, yes.
Dean: Well, there's got to be another way.
Zachariah: There is no other way, there must be a battle. Michael must defeat the Serpent. It is written.
Dean: Yeah, maybe. But, on the other hand... eat me. The answer's no.

Zachariah: [after giving Dean cancer, and debilitating Sam's lungs] Are we having fun yet? You're going to say "yes", Dean.
Dean: Just kill us.
Zachariah: Kill you? Oh no... I'm just getting started.

Zachariah: How are you...?
Castiel: ...alive? It's a good question. How did these two end up on that airplane? Another good question, as the angels didn’t do it. I think we both know the answer, don't we?
Zachariah: No. That's not possible.
Castiel: It scares you. Well, it should. Now put these boys back together, and go. I won't ask twice.

Castiel: You two need to be more careful.
Dean: Yeah, I'm starting to get that. Your frat brothers are bigger dicks than I thought.

Dean: [referring to the Enochian sigils] What, did you just brand us with it?
Castiel: No, I carved it into your ribs.

Sarah/Lucifer: I'm not your wife, Nick. I'm an angel.
Nick: An angel?
Sarah/Lucifer: My name is Lucifer.
Nick: Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?

Sarah/Lucifer: Don't be afraid. This is your choice. You need to invite me in.
Nick: Even if this is real, which it's not, but assuming it was, why the hell would I do something like that?

Dean: What if we win? I'm serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap Apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war? They can find their own planet. This one's ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on, we kill the Devil, hell, we even kill Michael if we have to, but we do it our own damn selves.
Bobby: And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?
Dean: [shrugs] I have no idea. But what I do have is a G.E.D., and a "give 'em hell" attitude and I'll figure it out.
Bobby: You are nine kinds of crazy, boy.
Dean: It's been said.

Sam: Dean... is there something you wanna say to me?
Dean: I tried, Sammy. Man, I really tried. But I just can`t keep pretending that everything's all right. Because it's not. And it's never going to be. You chose a demon over your own brother... and look what happened.
Sam: I would give anything, anything, to take it all back-
Dean: I know you would. And I know how sorry you are, I do. But, man... you were the one that I depended on the most. And you let me down in ways that I can't even... I'm just- I'm having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here. You know?
Sam: What can I do?
Dean: Honestly? Nothing. I just don't... I don't think that we can ever be what we were. You know? I just don't think I can trust you.

Good God Y'all [5.02][edit]

Dean: What's it been, like three days now? We got to cheer [Bobby] up. Maybe I'll give him a back rub.

Dean: Cell phone, Cas? Really?

Bobby: Enough foreplay! Get over here and lay your damn hands on.

Bobby: You're telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life?!
Castiel: I'm sorry.
Bobby: Shove it up your ass.
Dean: [quietly, to Sam] Well, at least he's talking now.
Bobby: I heard that.

Castiel: I don't have much time; we need to talk.
Dean: Okay.
Castiel: Your plan. "Kill Lucifer."
Dean: Yeah, you wanna help?
Castiel: No. It's foolish, it can't be done.
Dean: Oh, well, thanks for the support.

Dean: God?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: God.
Castiel: Yes. He isn't in Heaven, he has to be somewhere.
Dean: Try New Mexico, I hear He's on a tortilla.
Castiel: No, He's not on any flatbread.

Dean: Listen, chuckles, even if there is a God, He's either dead, and that's the generous theory-
Castiel: He is out there, Dean.
Dean: ...or, He's up and kicking and doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us. I mean, look around you, man; the world is in the toilet! We are literally at the end of days here, and He's off somewhere drinking booze out of a coconut. Alright?
Castiel: Enough. This is not a theological issue; it's strategic. With God's help, we can win.
Dean: It's a pipe-dream, Cas.
Castiel: [angrily] I killed two angels this week. That's my brothers. I'm hunted, I have rebelled, and I did it - all of it - for you. And you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world. And I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.

Bobby: When you find God, tell Him to send legs!

Ellen: Real glad to see you boys (hugs Dean then slaps him across the face)
Dean: Ow!
Ellen: The can of whup-ass I oughtta open on you! What you can't pick up a phone?! What are you? Allergic to giving me piece of mind? I gotta find out that your alive from Rufus !?
Dean: Sorry, Ellen.
Ellen: Yeah, you better be! You better put me on speed-dial, kid.
Dean: Yes, ma'am

Ellen: My daughter may be an idiot, but she's not stupid.

War: Honestly, people don't need a reason to kill each other. I mean, you seen the Irish? They're all Irish.

Rufus: In my experience, demons come at you slower if they're in a body with no limbs.

Rufus: "Stop firing." It usually means "stop firing."

Dean: So. Pit stop at Mount Doom?
Sam: Dean-
Dean: Sam, let’s not.
Sam: No, listen, this is important. I know you don't trust me. Just, now I realize something. I don't trust me either. From the minute I saw that blood, the only thought in my head... And I tell myself it's for the right reasons, that my intentions are good, and it- it feels true, you know? But I think, underneath... I just miss the feeling. I know how messed up that sounds, which means, I know how messed up I am... The thing is, the problem’s not the demon blood, not really, I mean, I- what I did, I can't blame the blood, or Ruby, or... anything. The problem's me. How far I'll go. There's something in me that... scares the hell outta me, Dean. In the last couple of days, I caught another glimpse.
Dean: So what are you saying?
Sam: I'm in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back, 'cause I'm dangerous. Maybe it's best if we just go our separate ways.
Dean: Well I think you're right.
Sam: I was expecting a fight.
Dean: The truth is, I spend more time worrying about you, than about doing the job right. I just can't afford that, you know? Not now.
Sam: I'm sorry, Dean.
Dean: I know you are, Sam. Hey, you, uh... wanna take the Impala?
Sam: It's okay. Take care of yourself, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, you too, Sammy.

Free to Be You and Me [5.03][edit]

Jess: Hey baby. I missed you.
Sam: Jessica? I'm dreaming.
Jess: Or you're not. What's the difference? I'm here.
Sam: I miss you, so much.
Jess: I know. I miss you too. What are you doing, Sam?
Sam: What do you mean?
Jess: Running away. Haven't we been down this road before?
Sam: No. It's different now.
Jess: [a statement rather than a question] Really.
Sam: Last time, I wanted to be normal. This time... I know I'm a freak.
Jess: Which is all a big ball of semantics. You know that.
Sam: No.
Jess: Even at Stanford, you knew. You knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down, maybe, but you knew. Maybe that's what got me killed.
Sam: No.
Jess: I was dead from the moment we said hello.
Sam: No!
Jess: Don't you get it? You can't run from yourself. Why are you running now?
Sam: Why are you here, Jess?
Jess: Would you believe I'm actually trying to protect you?
Sam: From what?
Jess: You. Sooner or later, the past is gonna catch up to you like it always does. You know what happens then? People die. Baby, the people closest to you die.
Sam: Well don't worry, because I won't make that mistake again.
Jess: Same song, different verse. Things are never gonna change with you. Never.

Dean: [hunting a vampire] Eat it, Twilight.

Dean: [to Castiel] You were wasted by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Angel? [Raphael]

Dean: [to Castiel] Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!

Sam's Coworker: You're like this...
Sam: Riddle wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a taco?

Dean: Because. We're humans. And when humans want something, really, really bad... we lie.
Castiel: Why?
Dean: Because. That's how you become president.

Dean: Any idea what set them off?
Castiel: It's angels and demons probably. [Looks at Walt] They're skirmishing all over the globe.
Walt: Come again? What did he say?
Castiel: Demons.
Dean: [at same time] Nothing.
Castiel: Demons.
Dean: [at same time] Nothing. Demons, you know drink, adultery. We all have our demons Walt.

Dean: [referring to Raphael's catatonic vessel] I take it that's not Raphael anymore.
Castiel: Just an empty vessel.
Dean: So is this what I'm lookin' at if Michael jumps my bones?
Castiel: No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful, it'll be far worse for you.

Dean: Where've you been?
Castiel: Jerusalem.
Dean: Oh, how was it?
Castiel: Arid.

Dean: Tell me something; you keep saying we're gonna trap this guy, but isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?
Castiel: No, it's harder.
Dean: Do we have any chance of surviving this?
Castiel: You do.
Dean: ...So, odds are, you're a dead man tomorrow?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: Oh. Well, last night on earth, what, uh... what're your plans?
Castiel: I just thought I'd sit here quietly.
Dean: Dude, c'mon, anything? Hm? Booze, women?
Castiel: [glances at Dean, then looks away quickly]
Dean: You have been with a woman before. Right? Or an angel, at least? You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seeding?
Castiel: Look, I've never had occasion, okay?

Dean: Let me tell you something, there are two things I know for certain; one, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.

Dean: Hey. Relax!
Castiel: This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
Dean: Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks!

Dean: Cas! His name is Cas. What's your name?
Stripper: Chastity.
Dean: Chastity?
Chastity: Mm-hm.
Dean: Wow. [to Castiel] Is that kismet or what, buddy? Huh?

Dean: [gives Castiel cash for a stripper] Hey. Listen. Take this. If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, Tiger. [Castiel hesitates] Don't make me push you.

Dean: [after Chastity storms away] What the hell did you do?
Castiel: I don't know. I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.
Dean: [rolls his eyes, and laughs in disbelief] Oh, no, man!
Castiel: What?
Dean: This whole industry runs on absent fathers, it's- it's the natural order.

Raphael: Castiel.
Castiel: Raphael.
Dean: Oh, you know, I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room?
Raphael: And the eastern seaboard. It is a testament to my unending mercy that I don't smite you here and now.
Dean: Or maybe you're full of crap. Maybe you're afraid that God'll bring Cas back to life again, and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Dean. [Waves]
Rapheal: I know who you are and now thanks to him (glances at Cas) I know where you are
Cas: You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare.
Rapheal: No, but I will take him to Micheal.

Raphael: But there's no other explanation. He's gone for good.
Castiel: You're lying.
Raphael: Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would've let any of that happen if He were alive?
Dean: Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?
Raphael: Careful. That's my father you're talking about, boy.
Dean: Yeah, who would be so proud to know that His sons started the friggin' apocalypse.
Raphael: Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions, and a world to run.
Dean: So daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?

Sam: It's true. What the demon said, it's all true.
Tim: Keep going.
Sam: Why? You gonna hate me any less? Am I gonna hate myself any less? What do you want?
Tim: I want to hear you say it.
Sam: I did it. I started the apocalypse.

Castiel: If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?
Raphael: Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?
Castiel: No.
Raphael: Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up.

Raphael: Castiel. I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you.
Castiel: Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
Dean: What he said.

Dean: Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but... I do know a little something about missing fathers.
Castiel: What do you mean?
Dean: I mean, there were times when I was looking for my dad when... all logic said that he was dead. But I knew, in my heart, that he was still alive. So, who cares what some Ninja Turtle says, Cas? What do you believe?
Castiel: I believe He's out there.
Dean: Good. Then go find Him.
Castiel: What about you?
Dean: What about me? I don't know. Honestly... I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm... I'm really good.
Castiel: Even without your brother?
Dean: Especially without my brother. I mean, I spend so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years. And you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone... hell, I'm happy.

Sam: [to "Jessica"] God knows how much I miss you too. But you're wrong. People can change. There is reason for hope.

Sam: What do you want with me?
Lucifer: Thanks to you, I walk the earth. I wanna give you a gift. I wanna give you everything.
Sam: I don't want anything from you!

Sam: [referring to hosting Lucifer as a vessel] You need my consent?
Lucifer: Of course, I'm an angel.
Sam: I will kill myself before letting you in.
Lucifer: And I'll just bring you back.

The End [5.04][edit]

Dean: [chuckles] You know, it's kinda funny; talking to a Messenger of God on a cellphone, it's... y'know, like watching a Hell's Angel ride a moped.
Castiel: [speaking on his new cell] This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.

Castiel: Where are you now?
Dean: Kansas City... [grabs his room key] Century Hotel, room 113.
Castiel: I'll be there immediately.
Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, come on, man. I just drove, like, 16 hours straight, okay? I'm human. And there's stuff I gotta do.
Castiel: What stuff?
Dean: Eat, for example. In this case, sleep; I just need like 4 hours once in a while, okay?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: Okay, so you can... pop in tomorrow morning.
Castiel: Yes. I'll just- [Dean hangs up] ...wait here then.

Dean: So you're his vessel, huh? Lucifer's wearing you to the prom?
Sam: That's what he said.
Dean: Just when we thought you were out, they pull you back in, huh, Sammy?
Sam: So that's it, that's your response?
Dean: What are you looking for?
Sam: I don't know, uh, a little panic, maybe?
Dean: I guess I'm a little numb with the earth-shattering revelations at this point.

Dean: So what, you're just gonna walk back in, and we're gonna be the dynamic duo again?
Sam: Look, Dean, I can do this. I can. I'm gonna prove it to you.
Dean: Look, Sam, it doesn't matter. Whatever we do. I mean, it turns out that you and me, we're the, uh... the fire and the oil of the Armageddon. You know, on that basis alone, we should just pick a hemisphere. Stay away from each other for good.
Sam: Dean, it does not have to be like this, we can fight it.
Dean: Yeah, you're right, we can. But not together. We're not stronger when we're together, Sam. I think we're weaker. Because whatever we have between us; love, family, whatever it is; they are always gonna use it against us. And you know that. No, we're better off apart. We got a better chance of dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing... if we just go our own ways.
Sam: Dean, don't do this.
Dean: Goodbye, Sam.

Dean: I'm you, from the tail end of 2009. Zach plucked my from my bed and... threw me 5 years into the future.
2014-Dean: Where is he? I wanna talk to him.
Dean: I don't know.
2014-Dean: Oh, you don't know?
Dean: No. I don't know. Look I just wanna get back to my own freakin' year, okay?
2014-Dean: Okay. If you're me... then tell me something only I would know.
Dean: Rhonda Hurley. We were...uh, 19. She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
2014-Dean: Touché.

Dean: What are you, a hippie?
2014-Castiel: [stretching] Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
Dean: Cas, we need to talk.
2014-Castiel: [turns to face Dean] Whoa, strange.
Dean: What?
2014-Castiel: You... are not you, not 'now' you, anyway.
Dean: No! Yeah- yes. Exactly.
2014-Castiel: What year are you from?
Dean: 2009.
2014-Castiel: Who did this to you? Is it Zachariah?
Dean: Yes.
2014-Castiel: Interesting.
Dean: Oh yeah, it's friggin' fascinating. Now... why don't you just strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calender?
2014-Castiel: [turns away and laughs] I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but, uh, I'm sorry, no dice. [Laughs again]
Dean: ...What are you, stoned?
2014-Castiel: Generally, yeah.
Dean: What happened to you?
2014-Castiel: [shrugs] Life.

2014-Dean: You saying my plan is reckless?
2014-Castiel: Are you saying we, uh... walk in, straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croates, and we shoot the Devil?
2014-Dean: Yes.
2014-Castiel: Okay. If you don't like, uh, "reckless", I can use "insouciant", maybe.
2014-Dean: Are you coming?
2014-Castiel: [sighs] ...Of course.

2014-Dean: Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said yes.
Dean: "Yes"? ...Wait... you mean-
2014-Dean: That's right. The big yes. To the Devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.
Dean: [quietly] Why he would do that?
2014-Dean: Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him and it's not getting out. And we've gotta kill him, Dean. And you need to see it. The whole damn thing, how bad it gets, so you can do it different.

2014-Chuck: So you're really from '09?
Dean: Yeah, 'fraid so.
2014-Chuck: Some free advice? You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it is.
Dean: Thank you, Chuck.
2014-Chuck: Oh, you'll thank me alright. Mark my words.

Dean: So you're human? Well, welcome to the club.
2014-Castiel: Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club. And now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless, I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence? Right? It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?

Dean: [to 2014-Dean] Hey, uh... me. Can I talk to you for a sec?

Lucifer as Sam : Oh. Hello, Dean. Aren't you a surprise? You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?
Dean: Well go ahead. Kill me.
Lucifer as Sam : Kill you? Don't you think that would be a little... redundant? [Sighs] I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this... shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be. [Tries to touch Dean but Dean flinches back] You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?
Dean: I don't know, maybe deep-fry the planet?
Lucifer as Sam : Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful, in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God. You ever hear the story of how I fell from Grace?
Dean: Oh, good God, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are ya? My stomach's almost outta bile.
Lucifer as Sam : You know why God cast me down? Because I loved Him. More than anything. And then God created... [smirks] you. The little... hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you. To love you more than Him. And I said, "Father... I can't." I said, "These human beings are flawed. Murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into Hell. Now tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially when I was right. Look what six billion of you have done to this thing. And how many of you blame me for it.
Dean: [voice wavering] You're not fooling me, you know that? With this 'sympathy for the devil' crap. I know what you are.
Lucifer as Sam : What am I?
Dean: You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you, is the size of your ego.
Lucifer as Sam : I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon.
Dean: [voice harsh and hoarse] You better kill me now!
Lucifer as Sam : Pardon?
Dean: You better kill me now! Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop-
Lucifer as Sam : I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael either, and I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up... here.
Dean: [tears start falling freely]
Lucifer as Sam : I win... So, I win.
Dean: You're wrong.
Lucifer as Sam : See you in five years, Dean.

Dean: That's pretty nice timing, Cas.
Castiel: We had an appointment.
Dean: [grabs Castiel's shoulder] Don't ever change.

Dean: Sam. [Holds Ruby's knife out to Sam] If you're serious, and you want back in... you should hang onto this. I'm sure you're rusty. Look, man, I'm sorry. I'm... whatever I need to be, but I was, uh... wrong.
Sam: What made you change your mind?
Dean: Long story. The point is... maybe we are each other's Achilles' heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know, we're all we've got. More than that... we keep each other human.
Sam: Thank you. Really, thank you. I won't let you down.
Dean: Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet
Sam: So what do we do now?
Dean: We make our own future.
Sam: Guess we have no choice.

Fallen Idol [5.05][edit]

Sam: So... what's with this job?
Dean: Dude suffers a head-on collision in a parked car? I'd say it's worth checking out.
Sam: Yeah, definitely, um, but... we've got bigger problems, don't you think?
Dean: I'm sure the apocalypse'll still be there when we get back.

Dean: And how exactly did Jim slam Cal into a windshield with all the force of an 80 mph crash?
Rick Carnegie: ... Drugs maybe?

Sam: [referring to "Little Bastard"] So, what... this is like, Christine?
Dean: No, Christine is fiction; this, this is real.

[Dean slides under the car, Little Bastard, to get its number]
Sam: [kneels down and looks under the car] Need a flashlight?
Dean: [jumps] No. Don't... do anything; just go away.
Sam: Y--uh... okay...
Dean: Don't speak! Alright? In fact, don't even look at her, she might not like it.

Sam: I've been working my ass off here...
Dean: Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.

Dean: So you're saying we've got two super-famous, super-pissed-off ghosts killing their... super-fans?

Dean: Check it out. Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.

Dean: Let me get this straight: your, uh, ultimate hero was not only a short man in diapers, but he was also a fruitarian.
Sam: That's not the point.
Dean: That is good. That is-even for you, that is good.
Sam: Look, I'm just saying. I'm not so sure this thing is over.
Dean: He was a ghost. He was a weirdly super-charged, fruitarian ghost, but it was still a ghost.

Sam: How long am I gonna be double-secret probation?
Dean: Until I say so.

Sam: They're unlike any other seed I've ever seen before Dean.
Dean: Wow. just when I thought you couldn't get any geekier.

Dean: Not a word.
Sam: Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
Dean: ... Shut up.

I Believe the Children Are Our Future [5.06][edit]

Dean: [preparing to test a joy buzzer] Are you ready?
Sam: Hit it, Mr. Wizard.
Dean: [after electrocuting a large ham] That'll do, pig.

Castiel: [after sitting on a whoopee cushion] That wasn't me.

Sam: I don't get it... Jesse is the devil's son?
Castiel: [sighs] No, of course not; your Bible gets more wrong than it does right.

Dean: [steps between Sam and Castiel] Okay, hey... look, we are not going to kill him. Alright? But we can't leave Jesse here, either. We know that. So... we take him to Bobby's, he'll know what to do.
Castiel: You'll kidnap him? What is going on in this town, it's what happens when this thing is happy; you cannot imagine what it will do if it's angry.

Sam: So we tell him the truth. You say Jesse's destined to go darkside, fine, but he hasn't yet. So if we lay it all out for him... uh, what he is, the apocalypse, everything, he might make the right choice.
Castiel: (coldly)... you didn't. And I can't take that chance.

Dean: You think Jesse’s gonna be OK?
Sam: I hope so.
Dean: You know we destroyed that kid’s life by telling him the truth.
Sam: We didn’t have a choice, Dean.
Dean: Yeah. You know I'm starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is to mix some pop rocks and coke. Protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. More I think about it... more I wish dad would've lied to us.
Sam: Yeah, me too.

The Curious Case Of Dean Winchester [5.07][edit]

Bobby: Brains trumps legs apparently.

Dean: So you were just gonna shoot some old guy, is that it?
Sam: I didn't know what you were. I mean have you seen you? You look like-
Dean: The old chick in Titanic. I know, shut up.
Sam: I was gonna say Emperor Palpatine.

Sam: (watching old Dean trying to break into a safe) It's like Mission Pathetic.

Dean: [to Sam] Dude... I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.

Patrick: I'm sorry kid. Aces full.
Sam: [to female witch] You're crying. For a witch, you're so nice it's actually kinda creepy. It's okay. [to Patrick] It was a great hand. Just... not as great as... as four fours.
Patrick: Well played. You know, that whole... 'going out of your head' bit... very method. There's more to you than meets the eye.
Sam: Cash these in for Dean. Please.
Patrick: With pleasure.

Dean: You're not useless, Bobby.
Bobby: Okay... good talk.
Dean: Whoa, wait a moment, listen to me... you don't stop being a soldier 'cause you got wounded in battle. Okay? No matter what shape you're in, bottom line is: you're family. Now I don't know if you've noticed but me and Sam, we don't have much left. I can't do this without you. I can't. So don't you dare think bout checking out! I don't wanna hear that again!
Bobby: Okay.
Dean: Okay. Good.
Bobby: Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
Dean: Yeah, we're done.

Changing Channels [5.08][edit]

[The episode opens in the form of a sitcom]
Dean:[Narrating] Supernatural is filmed before a live studio audience.
Dean:[Closes his fridge and looks at a cartoonishly big sandwich] I'm gonna need a bigger mouth.
Audience:[Laughs, then cheers as Sam walks through the door]
Dean: Hey there Sam. What's happening?
Sam: Oh nothing, just the end of the world. [Audience laughs. Sam looks at the sandwich] You're gonna need a bigger mouth. Hey, uh, have you done your research yet?.
Dean: Oh yeah, All kinds of research. All night.
Sam: Yeah?
Audience:[cheers as a bikini clad woman exits the bathroom]
Woman: Ooh, Dean. We have some more "research" to do.[More laughter]
Sam: Dean...
Dean:[Extreme close-up] Son of a bitch! [More laughter and cheers]
[A cheesy opening credits sequence ensues, complete with Sam and Dean riding on a tandem bicycle and mopeds , playing pass football in a park, and hunting ghosts in a very comic fashion]

Sam: What are you watching?
Dean: A hospital show - "Dr Sexy, M.D.". I think it's based on a book.
Sam: When did you hit menopause?

Dean: Ally with the Trickster?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: A bloody, violent monster... and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.

Ellen Piccolo: Seriously. You're brilliant, you know that. And a coward. You're a brilliant coward.

Dean: It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.

Dean: You're not Dr. Sexy.
Dr. Sexy: You're crazy.
Dean: Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes.
Sam: Yeah, you're not a fan.
Dean: It's a guilty pleasure!

NutCracker Host: [Referring to Castiel] No, no, no, no... Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels.

Dean: What do I do? What do I do? I don't wanna get it in the nuts!

Sam: [slowly] I've got... genital herpes.

Dean: [as Herpexia's voiceover] Patients should always consult with a physician before using Herpexia. Possible side effects include headache, diarrhea, permanent erectile dysfunction, thoughts of suicide, and nausea.

[Dean and Sam are on the set of a sitcom]
Dean: How long do we have to keep doing this?
Sam: [strained smile] I dunno. [Audience laughs and applauds] Maybe forever? [more laughter] ... We might die in here. [continued laughter]
Dean: [glares at the audience] ... How is that funny? Vultures.

Trickster: Well, you know! Sam starring as Lucifer, Dean starring as Michael! Your celebrity deathmatch! Play your roles.
Sam: You want us to say "yes" to those sons of bitches?
Trickster: Hellz yeah, let's light this candle!

Dean: Calm down?! I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show. And you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 on television, they're all the freaking same, it's: "oh... a plane crashed here." Oh shut up!

Forensic guy: Well... aside from the ligature marks around his neck, he has what appears to be a roll of quarters jammed down his throat.
Sam: Well I say... jackpot.
Forensic guy: Heh. Also there was a stabwound to the lower abdomen there.
Dean: [pokes stabwound with stick] Well I say... No guts, no glory.

Gabriel: Where'd you get the holy oil?
Dean: Well, you might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass.

Sam: So, which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchy?
Gabriel: Gabriel, okay. They call me Gabriel.
Sam: Gabriel? The archangel?

Dean: Okay, Gabriel, how does an archangel become a Trickster?
Gabriel: My own private witness protection.

Gabriel: You do not know my family. What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner!

Gabriel: You two were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you!

Gabriel: So. Boys. Now what? We stare at each other for the rest of eternity?
Dean: Well, first of all, you're gonna bring Cas back from wherever you stashed him.
Gabriel: Oh am I.
Dean: Yeah. Or we're going to dunk you in some holy oil and deep-fry ourselves an archangel.

Castiel: Hello, Gabriel.
Gabriel: Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess: Awful!

Dean: No, we're not 'cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record, this isn't about some prized fight between your brothers. Or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up with your family. (after setting off the sprinkler system) Don't say I never did anything for you.

Dean: All that stuff he was spouting in there... Do you think he was telling the truth?
Sam: I think he believes it.
Dean: So what do we do?
Sam: I don't know.
Dean: I'll tell you one thing – right about now wish I was back in a TV show.
Sam: Yeah, me too.

The Real Ghostbusters [5.09][edit]

Becky: What? They're gonna wanna see it.
Dean & Sam: See what?
Becky: Oh my god, I love it when they talk at the same time.

Sam: He means the books, Chuck. Why are you publishing more books?
Chuck: Um...for food and shelter.
Dean: Who gave you the rights to our life story?
Chuck: An Archangel, and I didn't want it.

Dean: Well, you sure look lovely tonight. Especially for a dead chick.
Latisha Actress: Buddy, I have heard that line 17 times tonight, okay? And all from dudes wearing MacGyver jackets. But you seem different.
Dean: How so?
Latisha Actress: Well, you don't seem scared of women.

Sam: Dean.
Dean: What? They're freaking annoying.

Dean: No, I am not a fan, okay. Not fans. In fact, I think the Dean and Sam story sucks. It is not fun, it's not entertaining. It is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse! So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean, do you think they enjoy being treated like-like circus freaks?
Demian: Ahh, I don't think they care. Because they're fictional characters.
Dean: Oh, they care. Believe me, they care a lot!
Sam: He uh... He takes the story really seriously.

Dean: [to Sam] Just give her the puppy dog thing, okay?

Chuck: No, there's really no such thing as a Croatoan Virus for... down there. Um...you really should see a doctor.

Demian: I'm not sure you get what the story's about.
Dean: That so?
Demian: Alright, look. In real life, he sells stereo equipment, I fix copiers; our lives suck. But to be Sam and Dean... to wake up every morning and save the world, to have a brother who, who would die for you... Well, who wouldn't want that?

Sam: Oh, hey, Chuck, look. If you really want to publish more books, I guess that's okay with us.
Chuck: Wow. Really?
Sam: No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.

Chuck: Like all authors I started writing because of love. I had a huge crush on Nancy McKeon who played Jo in The Facts of Life. I must have written her forty to fifty letters. She never wrote back.

Chuck: The way I look at it, it's not really "jumping the shark" if you never come back down.

Abandon All Hope [5.10][edit]

Castiel: The demon Crowley is making a deal; Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
Dean: Going down? Right. Okay, Huggy Bear, just don't lose him.
Castiel: I won't lose him.

Dean: Oh, uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the devil and lose?
Crowley: Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two, after you leave here, I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere. And three, how about you don't miss, okay! Morons!

Castiel: [After drinking six shots] I think I'm starting to feel something.

Dean: So. Dangerous mission tomorrow. Guess it's time to eat, drink, and, you know, make merry.
Jo: Are you giving me the last night on Earth speech?
Dean: What?
Jo: What?
Dean: No...no. If I was, would that work?
Jo: No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on Earth, then I'm going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect.

Castiel: This town's not empty. Reapers.
Ellen: Reapers? As in more than one?
Castiel: They only gather like this at times of great catastrophe. The Chicago Fire, the San Francisco Quake, Pompeii. Excuse me, I need to figure out why they're here.

Castiel: Lucifer.
Lucifer: So I take it you're here with the Winchesters?
Castiel: I came alone.
Lucifer: Loyalty... such a nice quality to see this day and age.

Lucifer: Castiel, right? Castiel, I'm told you came here in an automobile.
Castiel: ... yes.
Lucifer: What was that like?
Castiel: Um, slow. Confining.
Lucifer: What a peculiar thing you are?
Castiel: [notices lesions on Lucifer's face] What's wrong with your vessel?
Lucifer: Yes, um, Nick is wearing a bit thin, I'm afraid. He can't contain me forever, so...
Castiel: [angry] You... [Steps forward, but remembers the holy fire] You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.

Lucifer: We're on the same side, like it or not, so... why not just serve your own best interests, which in this case, just happen to be mine.
Castiel: I'll die first.
Lucifer: ... I suppose you will.

Dean: Okay, this is it. I'll see you on the other side. Probably sooner than later.
Jo: Make it later.

Jo: Mom, no.
Ellen: Somebody's gotta let them in. Like you said, you're not moving. You got me, Jo. And you're right, this is important. But I will not leave you here alone.
Sam: Dean—
Ellen: Get going now, boys.
Dean: Ellen—
Ellen: I said go. And Dean? Kick it in the ass. Don't miss.

Ellen: I will always love you, baby. Honey?[looks down at her daughter, seeing she is already dead] Jo? [crying] That's okay... that's okay. That's my good girl.

Meg: You're wrong. Lucifer is the father of our race. Our creator. Your god may be a deadbeat, but mine ... mine walks the earth.

Sam: Last words?
Dean: I think I'm good.
Sam: Yeah, me too.
Dean: Here goes nothing.

Sam: Hey! [cocks shotgun] You wanted to see me?!
Lucifer: Oh Sam, you don't need that gun here. You know I'd never hurt you. Not really.
Dean: Yeah? Well I'd hurt you. So suck it. [shoots Lucifer in the head]

Lucifer: I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand.
Sam: What's that supposed to mean?
Lucifer: I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael... Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? Anyway. You'll have to excuse me. Midnight is calling and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would.

Sam, Interrupted [5.11][edit]

Dr. Fuller: You were referred to me by a Dr. Babar in Chicago.
Sam: That’s right.
Dr. Fuller: Isn’t there a children’s book about an elephant named Babar?
Dean: I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books. Look doctor, I-I think the doctor was in over his head with this one (points at Sam). Cause my brother’s, uh... (whistles and makes circles with his finger).
Dr. Fuller: Okay fine, thank you, that’s really not necessary. Why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling, Alex?
Sam: I’m fine. I mean, okay, a little depressed, I guess.
Dr. Fuller: Alright. Any idea why?
Sam: Probably because I started the apocalypse.
Dr. Fuller: The apocalypse?
Sam: Yeah. That’s right.
Dr. Fuller: And you think you started it?
Sam: Well yeah. I mean, I killed this demon – Lilith – and I accidentally freed Lucifer from Hell. So now he’s topside, and we’re trying to stop him.
Dr. Fuller: Who is?
Sam: Me. Him. And this one angel.
Dr. Fuller: Oh, you mean like a, like an angel on your shoulder.
Sam: No no. His name’s Castiel. He wears a trench coat.
Dean: See what I mean, doc? I mean the kid’s been beating himself up about this for months! The apocalypse wasn’t his fault.
Dr. Fuller: It’s not?
Dean: No. There was this other demon, Ruby? She had him addicted to demon blood, I mean, near the end he was practically chugging the stuff. My brother’s not evil. He was just... high. Y'know, so, could you fix him up so we could get back to traveling around the country and hunting monsters?
(Doctor smiles weakly, then picks up his phone).
Dr. Fuller: Urma? Cancel my lunch.

Dr. Fuller: Alright Ted, calm down.
Ted: I am calm. And I'd very calmly like to talk about the monster that's hunting us.
Dr. Fuller: Ted, we're not going to have that discussion again. It's not good for group.
Ted: I agree. You know what else isn't good for group? A monster eating all our faces off!

Dr. Cartwright: I'm Dr. Erica Cartwright. I've been assigned to your case.
Dean: You're my shrink? Well, lucky me.
Dr. Cartwright: And you're my paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious psychosis. Lucky me.

Dean: I've got some questions for you.
Dr. Cartwright: What a coincidence; I've got some for you too.
Dean: Well then, Quid pro quo, Clarice. (hisses.)
Dr. Cartwright: Okay Hannibal, I'll go first. How many hours a night do you sleep?
Dean: Three or four, every couple of nights. What can you tell me about the recent suicides in here?
Dr. Cartwright: They were tragic.
Dean: But you haven't noticed anything strange? Like, uh, I don't know, black smoke, sulfur...
Dr. Cartwright: No, why, what's that supposed to mean?
Dean: Demon signs. I hunt demons, monsters, that kind of thing.
Dr. Cartwright: How many drinks do you have a week?
Dean: Well, I gotta sleep some time, so, uh, with seven days, times...it's somewhere in the mid-fifties.

Dean: Pudding!!

Dr. Cartwright: Why you?
Dean: Why me what?
Dr. Cartwright: Why do you have to hunt monsters? Why not let someone else do it?
Dean: I can't find anybody else that dumb.

Dean: You okay?
Sam: No, no, I'm not okay. I - I - I am awesome.
Dean: They give you something?
Sam: Oh yeah. They - they gave me everything. It - it's spectacu-lacular. Ha ha ha.
Dean: You always were a happy drunk.

Dr. Fuller: Monsters are the least of your problems. People can learn to live with delusions, but the anger I saw in you...you hurt those two men, and you were going to kill me. The look in your eyes when you came after me, I... it was like you were barely even human. Like a man possessed.
Sam: I know. Please... just... could you give me a second chance?
Dr. Fuller: Well, this isn't a prison. You'll be allowed to go to the day room, under supervision.
Sam: Thank you.
Dr. Fuller: But if there is one more outburst, I will transfer you to a facility that is equipped to handle violent patients.

Sam: The wraith-
Dean: What about her?
Sam: She was right.
Dean: No, she wasn't. She's dead, okay? Let's hit the road. I need a drink...or twelve.
Sam: Most of the time I can hide it, but I am angry. I'm mad at everything. I used to be mad at you and dad, then Lilith, now it's Lucifer. And I make excuses: I blame Ruby, or the demon blood, but-but it's not their fault, it's not them, it's me. It's inside me. I'm mad all the time, and I don't know why.
Dean: Stop. Stop it. So what if you are? What are you gonna take a leave of absence? You gonna say yes to Lucifer? What?
Sam: No, of course not.
Dean: Exactly. And that's exactly what you're going to do: you're going to take all that crap, and you're gonna bury it. You're gonna forget about it, because that's how we keep going.

Swap Meat [5.12][edit]

Gary (as Sam): Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.

Sam (as Gary): [finds AP school textbooks] Smart kid. [finds Star Wars t-shirt] Virgin. [finds porno magazine] Frustrated virgin.

Sam (as Gary): Witchcraft, huh Gary? You little Satanic bastard.

Gary (as Sam): I am in way over my head.

Trevor: Everybody knows Dean. He's Hell's most wanted.
Sam (as Gary): Oh, no. Have you idiots been talking to demons?

Trevor: I wouldn't exactly call praying to our Dark Overlord goofing around.

Nora (Possessed): Yum, tastes like moron.

Dean: Adios, bitch.
Gary (as Sam): It's 'audi nos.'

Sam: Rebel a little bit...in a healthy, non-satanic way.

Sam: You know why Nora's into witchcraft?
Gary: What do you mean?
Sam: She doesn't like Satan, you moron. She likes you.

The Song Remains the Same [5.13][edit]

Dean: [After Anna shows up in his stripper dream] Anna! I was just... uh ... workin' on a case.
Anna: ...This is what you dream about...?
Dean: This is awkward.

Dean: [referring to Castiel] So what, you're like a Delorean without enough plutonium?
Castiel: I don't understand that reference.

Dean: [referring to Castiel] He’s tough for a little nerdy dude with wings.

John: Monsters? Monsters?
Mary: Yes
John: Monsters are real?
Mary: I'm sorry, I didn't know how to-
John: And you fight them? All of you?
Sam: Yeah.
John: How long?
Mary: All my life.
(Dean, Sam, and Mary all try to explain at the same time)
John: Shut up, all of you! Look not another work or so help me, I will turn this car around!
Dean: Awkward family road trip.
Sam: No kidding.

John: Y'all may have treated me like a fool, but I am not useless. I can draw a damn...whatever it is - a sigil.
Dean: Why don't you go help Sam out? 'Kay? 'Cause this has got to be done in...it's gotta be done in human blood.
John: [cuts his hand open] So? How big?
Dean: I'll show you. [laughs softly.]
John: What?
Dean: All of a sudden, you really remind me of my dad.

John: How long have you known about this hunting stuff?
Sam: Pretty much forever. My dad raised me in it.
John: You're serious? Who the hell does that to a kid?
Sam: For the record... Mary's parents did.
John: I don't care! What kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near - you know you could have been killed!
Sam: I, uh...came kinda close.
John: The number it must have done of your head. Your father was supposed to protect you.
Sam: He was trying. He died trying. Believe me.

Mary: Why does an angel want me dead?
Dean: [uncomfortably] 'Cause they're dicks.
Mary: Not good enough. I didn't even know they existed and now I'm a target?
Dean: It's complicated.
Mary: Fine. All ears.
Dean: You're just gonna have to trust me, okay?
Mary: I've been trusting you all day.
Dean: It's kind of hard to believe.
Mary: All right then, I'm walking out the door-
Dean: I'm your son.
Mary: What?
Dean: I'm your son.

Mary: [horrified] I raised my kids to be hunters?
Dean: No, no you didn't.
Mary: How could I do that to you?
Dean: You didn't do it. Because you're dead.

Michael: Lucifer defied our father, and he betrayed me, but still, I don't want this any more than you would want to kill Sam. You know, my brother... I practically raised him. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him. But I am going to kill him, because it is right, and I have to.
Dean: What, because God says so?
Michael: Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.
Dean: And you're just going to do whatever God says?
Michael: Yes, because I am a good son.

Dean: Son of a bitch. You made it.
Castiel: I did?
Sam: Yeah.
Castiel: I am surprised. [passes out]

Dean: This is it.
Sam: This is what?
Dean: Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one drop out with 6 bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. Awesome.

My Bloody Valentine [5.14][edit]

Sam Winchester: Alright, I'm just gonna go through some files, you can go ahead and get going.
Dean Winchester: Sorry?
Sam: Go ahead. Unleash the Kraken. See you tomorrow morning.
Dean: [confused] Where am I going?
Sam: Dean, it's Valentine's Day. Your favorite holiday, remember? I mean, what do you always call it? "Unattached drifter Christmas"?
Dean: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well... Be that as it may, I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.
Sam: So, you're not into bars full of lonely women?

Dean: [sliding a box containing a human heart over to Sam] Be my Valentine?

Dean: [speaking on his cell] Cas, it's Dean. Yeah, Room 31-C, basement level, St. James Medical Center--
Castiel: [appears in front of Dean, still talking into the cell phone] I'm there now.
Dean: ... yeah, I get that.
Castiel: I'm gonna hang up now.
Dean: ...right.

Castiel: What human myth has mistaken for Cupid is actually a lower order of angel. Technically it's a cherub. Third class.
Dean: Cherub?
Castiel: Yeah. They're all over the world, there are dozens of them.
Dean: You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers.

Castiel: What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him before he kills again.
Sam: Naturally.

[Waiting for the Cupid.]
Dean: So where is he?
Cupid: Here I am! [Picks Dean up from behind in a hug and starts shaking him.]

Cupid: Hello, you! [hugs Castiel tightly]
Dean: This is Cupid?
Castiel: [strained] ... yes.
Cupid: [releases Castiel and turns to Sam] And look at you, huh?
Sam: [shakes his head] ... No.
Cupid: [smiles and nods] Yes.
Sam: [turns to run] No, no--
Cupid: [appears in front of Sam and hugs him tightly] Yes, yes, yes!
Dean: [to Castiel] Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?
Castiel: This is... their handshake.
Dean: I don't like it.
Castiel: No one likes it.

Dean: [Talking to Cupid] Listen, birthday suit.

[Cupid is crying; Castiel, Sam and Dean are uncertain of how to act]
Sam: Should... Should someone maybe go talk to him?
Dean: Yeah, that's a good idea. Give 'em hell , Cas.
[Castiel approaches Cupid, who has his back turned to him, still crying]
Castiel: [uncomfortable] Hum, look... We didn't mean to, um... [looks at Sam and Dean; they encourage him] ... hurt your feelings.
Cupid: [hugs Castiel, still crying] Love is more than a word to me, you know? I... I love love - I love it, and if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.
Castiel: [hugs Cupid back] Yes, yes. Of course. I, uh - I have no idea what you're saying.

Dean: You're saying that you fixed up our parents?
Cupid: Well not me, but yeah. Oh, it wasn't easy either. oooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them, perfect couple!
Dean: Perfect?
Cupid: Yeah
Dean: They're dead.
Cupid: I'm sorry but the orders were very clear, you and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh, meant to be. [Starts singing A Match Made in Heaven. Dean punches him then turns around cradling his hand
Dean: Son of a bitch. [Hear Cupid fleeing.] Where is he? Where'd he go?
Castiel: I believe you upset him.
Dean: Upset him?
Sam: Dean, enough!
Dean: What?
Sam: You just punched a cupid!
Dean: I punched a dick!
Sam: Um... are we going to talk about what's been up with you lately or not?.
Dean: Or not. [Storms out.]

Dean: [Talking to Castiel about his meat addiction] What about you? Since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

Sam: So, what, this whole town is just gonna eat, drink, and screw itself to death?
Castiel: We should stop it.
Dean: Uh yeah that's a great idea. How?!

Dean: [Referring to Castiel eating endless hamburgers.] What are you? The Hamburgler?

[Dean is sitting in the Impala. Castiel transports in with a bag of fast food and pulls out a hamburger.]
Dean: Are you serious?
Castiel: These make me very happy. [Dean rolls his eyes]

Castiel: What I don't understand is: Where's your hunger Dean?
Dean: Huh?
Castiel: Well, slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine, but so far you seem unaffected.
Dean: Hey, when I want to drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich, or a fight.
Castiel: So you're saying you're just well adjusted?
Dean: God no. I'm just well fed.

Dean: Demons. Do you want to go over the plan again. [Castiel doesn't say anything.] HEY! HAPPY MEAL!

Famine: That's one deep dark nothing you got there, Dean

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid [5.15][edit]

Dean Winchester: You gave yourself your own nickname? You can’t do that.
Digger: Who died and made you queen?

Dean: Do you know how many times we've called? Where've you been?
Bobby Singer: Playing murderball.
Dean: What is that smell? Is that soap? Did you clean?
Bobby: What are you, my mother? Bite me.

Sam Winchester: So who killed the guy?
Bobby: Take your pick. This Benny Sutton guy was a Grade A son of a bitch. There's a list of the living a year long wouldn't mind putting a cap in his ass.

Dean: Remember the guy you said that was dead and couldn't possibly commit murder? There he is. [Points to Clay]
Sheriff: And?
Dean: And? And you're welcome.

Dean: You’re a zombie.
Clay: I’m a taxpayer.

(Sam and Dean are in jail and they see Bobby talking to the sheriff)
Dean: So what, now they're friends?

Dean: This is incredible Mrs. Singer.
Karen: Thank you Dean. [Sam gives Dean a look]
Dean: What? It is.

Dean: Are you crazy? What the hell?
Bobby: Dean, I can explain.
Dean: Explain what? Lying to us, or the American Girl zombie making cupcakes in your kitchen?
Bobby: First of all, that's my wife so watch it.

Dean: And there were no signs? No omens?
Bobby: Well there were the lightning storms.
Dean: That's what we said!

Sam: So what do you think?
Dean: There's nothing to think about. We're not gonna leave Bobby at home with the bride of Frankenstein.

[Dean is eating pie in Bobby's kitchen. There are pies everywhere.]
Dean: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you like pies.

[Mrs. Jones keeps gesturing for Sam to come closer.]
Sam: I'm gonna regret this.

Sam: The last time I checked, the sheriff was pretty pro-zombie.

Dean: You got anymore ammo? I'm low...
Bobby: Yeah, we got plenty. Just run back past the zombies, it's in the van where we left it.
Dean: A simple no would have been fine.

[In a closet with zombies banging on the door.]
Bobby: Kind of a tight fit, don't ya think.
Dean: It's alright. They're idiots. They can't pick a lock. [The lock starts to get picked.]
Bobby: Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?
Dean: I'm making this stuff up as I go. Sue me!

Bobby: She was the love of my life; how many times do I gotta kill her?

Dark Side of the Moon [5.16][edit]

Roy: Looking for this?
Dean: [Dean wakes up and sees that he and Sam are held at gunpoint] Morning.

Walt: Shoot him.
Dean: Go ahead Roy, do it. But I'm gonna warn you, when I come back, I'm gonna be pissed.

Castiel: Dean!
Dean: Cas?
Castiel: [speaking through the Impala's radio] Yeah, it's me.
Dean: [opens the door and gets in the Impala] You gotta stop poking around in my dreams; I need some 'me' time.
Castiel: Listen to me very closely. This isn't a dream.
Dean: ...Then what is it?
Castiel: Deep down, you already know.
Dean: ...I'm dead.
Castiel: Condolences.

[Sam is at a family dinner when Dean walks in.]
Dean: Wow. Just wow.

Sam: Heaven?
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: OK, how are we in heaven?
Dean: All that clean living, I guess.
Sam: No, no... um, Okay, you, I get, sure. But me, maybe you haven't noticed but, um, I've done a few things.
Dean: You thought you were doing the right thing.
Sam: Last I checked, it wasn't the road to heaven that was paved with good intentions.
Dean: Yeah, well if this is the Skymall, it sucks. I mean, where's the triplets and the latex, you know? Come on, a guy has needs.

Dean: Wait, so playing footsie with braceface in there that... that's a trophy moment for you?

Sam: This was my first real Thanksgiving.
Dean: What are you talking about? We had Thanksgiving every year.
Sam: We had a bucket of extra crispy and Dad passed out on the couch.

Sam: What are you doing?
Dean: What's it look?
Sam: Like you've lost your mind.

Castiel: The rumor is he talks to God.
Dean: And? So?
Castiel: Do you think maybe, just maybe, we should find out what the hell God has been saying?

Sam: Dad said they always had the perfect marriage.
Dean: It wasn't perfect until after she died.

Sam: I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up dad's messes.

Zachariah: Wow. Running from angels... in foot... in heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that, I'm surprised you boys haven't stopped the Apocalypse already.

Zachariah: Guys come on, you can run, but you can't run.

Sam: So there are two heavens?
Ash: No more like 100 billion. So no worries, it'll take those angel boys a minute to catch up. See, you got to stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a buttload of places. All crammed together. Like Disneyland. Except without all the anti-Semitism.

Ash: I have been all over. Johnny Cash. Andre the Giant. Einstein. Sam that man can mix a white Russian. Hell, the other day I found Mel Vātsyāyana
Sam: Who?
Ash: Wrote the Kama Sutra. That boy's heaven... all sweaty and confusing.

Ash: You boys die more than anyone I have ever met.

Pamela: [Hits Dean on the head] That's for getting me killed.
Dean: Yeah, well that's probably less than I deserve. If it makes you feel better, we got Ask killed too.
Ash: I'm cool with it!
Dean: He's cool with it.

Ash: All access pass to the Magic Kingdom.

Ash: Ah, gentlemen, I don't mean to be a downer, but, uh, I'm sure I'll see you again soon.

Zachariah: Did you really think you could just sneak past me into Mission Control?

Zachariah: We're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered your mother is quite the MILF.

Zachariah: In Heaven I have six wings and four faces, one of which is a lion!

Dean: What are you gonna ball gag us until we say yes? Huh? I've heard that too.
Zachariah: I'm gonna do more than that, I've cleared my schedule.

Zachariah: The last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong; but I'm... petty.

Joshua: Excuse me, sir?
Zachariah: I'm in a meeting.
Joshua: I'm sorry, I need to speak to those two.
Zachariah: Excuse me?
Joshua: It's a bad time, I know. But I'm afraid I have to insist.
Zachariah: You don't get to insist jack squat.
Joshua: No, you're right. But the boss does. His orders.
Zachariah: You're lying.
Joshua: Wouldn't lie about this. Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, He's gonna come back home, and you know how He is with that whole wrath thing.

99 Problems [5.17][edit]

Sam: A wedding? Seriously?

Dean: Is that a twelve year old packing salt rounds?

Leah: It's Sam and Dean Winchester. They're safe. I know all about them.
Dean: You do?
Leah: Sure. From the angels.
Dean: Angels. Awesome.

Dean: Let me guess before you see something you get a really bad migraine; you see flashing lights.
Leah: How'd you know?
Dean: Because you're not the first prophet we've met, but you are the cutest. [He sees Leah's father glaring at him.] I mean that with total respect of course.

Castiel's voicemail: You have reached the voice mail of
Castiel's voice: I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
[sound of numbers being pressed followed by a beep]

Pastor Gideon: Our Father in Heaven...
Dean: [Whispers to Sam] Yeah, not so much.

Dylan: Dean, Sam.
Dean: Yo.
Dylan: Hey so um, is-is that, is that cool if I get a ride back with you guys?
Dean: Hey you saved my ass twice already. One more time, you can drive.

Sam: [To Dean] No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90 percent of your personality.

Dean: Where have you been?
Sam: Drinking.
Dean: You rebel.

Dean: Angel world, angel rules man.
Sam: And since when is that okay with you?
Dean: Since the Angels got the only lifeboats on the Titanic.

Sam: Are you... drunk?
Castiel: No! [brief pause] Yes.
Sam: ... What the hell happened to you?
Castiel: I found a liquor store.
Sam: And?
Castiel: And I drank it.

Sam: Are you ok ?
Drunk Castiel: ...Dont ask stupid questions.

Sam: I'm pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches, the whole package.
Castiel: The names of all the prophets are seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them.

Dean: Where the hell have you been?!
Castiel: On a bender!
Dean: Did he-Did you say on a bender?
Sam: Yeah, he's still pretty smashed.
Castiel: It... is not of import.

Dean: What is she exactly?
Castiel: The whore.
Dean: Wow, Cas, tell us what you really think...

Castiel: Book of Revelation calls her the Whore of Babylon.

Dean: And the Enochian exorcism?
Castiel: Fake. It actually means "You breed with the mouth of a goat"... It's funnier in Enochian.

Castiel: Her goal is to condemn as many souls to hell as possible. And it's just beginning. She's well on her way to dragging this whole town into the pit.
Dean: Alright. So then how do we go Pimp of Babylon all over this bitch?

Castiel: The Whore can only be killed by a true servant of Heaven.
Dean: Servant like...?
Castiel: Not you, or me. Sam of course is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else.

Pastor Gideon: Why does it have to be me?
Castiel: 'Cause you're a servant of heaven.
Gideon: And you're an angel.
Castiel: A poor example of one.

Dean: Heads up. [He tosses Castiel a bottle of aspirin.]
Castiel: How many should I take?
Dean: You? You should probably down the whole bottle.
Castiel: Thanks.
Dean: Yeah, don't mention it. I've been there. I'm a big expert on dead beat dads. So, yeah, I get it. I know how you feel.
Castiel: How do you manage it?
Dean: On a good day you get to kill a whore.

Jane: I don't understand. How are we supposed to get to paradise now?
Dean: I'm sorry. Pretty sure you're heading in a different direction.

Dean: I have no illusions. 'Kay, I know the life that I live. I know how its going to end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know, that when I do picture myself happy, it’s with you. And the kid.

Point of No Return [5.18][edit]

Zachariah: All they care about upstairs, ain't it? Results, results, results. They don't know. They're not down on the ground, in the mud, nose to nose with all you pig-filthy humans. Am I right?
Stuart: Absolutely--filthy what?

Stuart: Earthquake?
Zachariah: No. My boss.

Dean: Eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches. But tonight, tonight's the night when the magic happens.

Dean: What is that?
Bobby: That's the round I mean to put through my skull. Every morning, I look at it. I think, "Maybe today is the day I flip the lights out." But I don't do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn't give up!

Adam: Where am I?
Sam: It's okay. Just relax. You're safe.
Adam: Who the hell are you?
Dean: Well you're going to find this a little- a lot crazy.

Dean: So, why don't you just tell us everything. Start from the beginning.
Adam: Well, I was dead and in Heaven... except it--it, uh, kind of looked like my prom. And I was making out with this girl. Her--her name was Kristin McGee.
Dean: Yeah, that sounds like Heaven. Did you get to third base?
Sam: Just, uh... just keep going.

Castiel: Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.
Dean: You know what, blow me Cas.

Sam: There's another way.
Adam: Great, what is it?
Dean: Well, we're working on the power of love.
Adam: How's that going?
Dean: Not good.

Sam: Adam, you may not believe it but Dad was trying to protect you by keeping you from this.
Adam: Well I guess the monster that ate me didn't get that memo.
Sam: You remember that?
Adam: Oh yeah.
Sam: Still trust me. The one thing worse than seeing dad once a year was seeing him all year.

Sam: From here on out-
Adam: What? We gonna hop in the family truckster? Pop on down to Wally World?

[Castiel stares intently at Dean in silence]
Dean: Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid.

[Dean is locked in a room with Sam]
Dean: Is this really necessary?
Sam: Well... I mean we got our hands full Dean, we've got a house full of flight risks.

Bobby: Where's Cas?
Sam: Blown to Oz. Look, I'll get Dean. He couldn't have gone too far. Just watch Adam.
Bobby: How? You may have noticed, he's got a slight height advantage.

Zachariah: So you know you can't trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

Zachariah: Hell, they'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet.

[Dean sees a person preaching on the sidewalk.]
Dean: Hey, I'm Dean Winchester. Do you know who I am?
Preacher: Dear God!
Dean: I'll take that as a yes. Listen I need you to pray to your angel buddies and let 'em that I'm here. [The preacher starts to pray]
Castiel: You pray too loud. [Cas touches the preacher, knocking him unconscious before grabbing Dean and slamming him up against a wall]
Dean: What are you, crazy?
Castiel: [punches Dean's face twice] I REBELLED FOR THIS?! [slams Dean into another wall and hits him a few more times] So you could surrender to them?!
Dean: Cas... Please...
Castiel: I gave everything for you! And this is what you give to me? [hits Dean again and kicks him into a fence, Dean falls to the ground]
Dean: [looks at Cas, who's standing over him with his hands clenched into fists] Do it. Just do it. [Cas unclenches his hands and touches Dean's shoulder, knocking him unconscious]

Sam: Bobby, what do you mean Adam is gone?
Bobby: Should I say it in Spanish?

Sam: What the hell happened to him?!
Castiel: [Carrying bloodied, unconscious Dean] Me.

Zachariah: Hey, don't get me wrong. You've been a hell of a sport, really. Good stuff. But the thing is, you're not so much the Chosen One as you are... a clammy scrap of bait.
Adam: Yeah, but what about the stuff that you said? I'm supposed to fight the Devil.
Zachariah: Mmmm... Not so much. Hey, if it's any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about. That's not bad, is it?

Adam: So you lied. About everything.
Zachariah: We didn't lie. We just avoided certain truthes to manipulate you.
Adam: Oh, you son of a bitch.
Zachariah: Hey, how do you think how I feel? I'm the one that's gotta put up with that dumb slack-jawed look on your face.

Adam: I'm not gonna let you do this.
Zachariah: Cool your jets corky.

Dean: [to Sam, referring to Castiel] Word to the wise... don't piss off the nerd angels.

Dean: Where's the beautiful room?
Castiel: In there.
Dean: The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?
Castiel: Where'd you think it was?
Dean: I don't know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys.

Dean: Tell me again why you don't just grab Adam and shazaam the hell out of there.
Castiel: Because there are at least five angels in there.
Dean: So, you're fast.
Castiel: They're faster.

Zachariah: I should've trusted the boss man. It's all turning out like he said: you, me, your hemorrhaging brothers.

Zachariah: [grabbing Dean close] Listen to me! You are nothing but a maggot inside a worm's ass! Do you know what I am, once I deliever you to Michael?!
Dean: Expendable.
Zachariah: Michael's not gonna kill me!
Dean: Maybe not. But I am! [stabs Zachariah through the chin and out the top of his head with an angel's sword, killing him]

Dean: I don’t know if it’s being a big brother or what, but to me, you’ve always been this snot-nosed kid that I’ve had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that’s not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you’re grown up enough to find faith in me, the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them and do it our way.

Hammer Of The Gods [5.19][edit]

Sam: What's a four star hotel doing on a no star highway?

Dean: Please be tomato soup, please be tomato soup. [Finds eyeballs in the soup] Motel Hell.

Baldur: Some ground rules: No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh, and, uh, keep your hands off the local virgins, we're trying to keep a low profile here.

Sam: Gods?... Oh, we are so, so screwed.

Zao Shen: Here we go...
Odin: Oh, yeah? And why is that? Because your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle? [laughs] Give me a break.
Zao Shen: Don't mock my world turtle.
Odin: [stands up] What are you gonna do about it?
Zao Shen: I'm gonna send you packing to Valhalla!
Odin: You watch your mouth when you're talking to me, boy!
Zao Shen: Boy? I'm older than you.
Odin: No one's ever proved that!

Dean: Ok... Did that... Holy Crap!
Sam: Yeah, tell me about it. By the way, next time I say "let's keep driving," uh... let's keep driving!

Gabriel: And when are you ever lucky?
Dean: You know what? Bite me, Gabriel.
Gabriel: Maybe later, big boy.

Gabriel: I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass.
Dean: You want to pull us out of the fire?
Gabriel: Bingo.

Dean: And why do you care?
Gabriel: I don't... care. But... me and Kali, we, uh... had a thing. Chick was all hands... [Dean looks away] WHAT can I say, I'm sentimental!

Sam: Do they have a chance? Against Satan?
Dean: Really, Sam?
Sam: You got a better idea, Dean?
Gabriel: It's a bad idea. Lucifer's gonna turn them into fingerpaint.

Dean: They called you Loki, right? Which means they don't really know who you are?
Gabriel: Told you. I'm in witness protection.
Dean: Ok, well then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, Legion of Doom about your secret identity. They don't seen like a real Pro Angel kinda crowd.
Gabriel: I'll take your voices away.
Dean: We'll write it down.
Gabriel: I'll cut off your hands.
Dean: Well, then people are gonna be asking "Why are you guys running around with no hands?"
Gabriel: [after a pause] FINE!

Gabriel: I've tousled with those winged ass monkeys, once or twice.

Kali: Westerners, I swear, the sheer arrogance. You think you're the only ones on earth? You pillage and you butcher in your god's name, but you're not the only religion, and he's not the only god. And now you think you can just rip the planet apart? You're wrong. There are billions of us, and we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world, it's me.

Dean: Alright you primitive screw heads, listen up.
Sam: Are you out of your mind?
Dean: I'm out of options.

Dean: We can either take on the Devil together, or you lame-ass bitches can eat me. Literally.

Dean: There's nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead.
Gabriel: You think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me.
Dean: Then what do they have in there?
Gabriel: A fake. Made it out of a can of Diet Orange Slice.

Kali: So you're going to summon Lucifer?
Sam: Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running.
Kali: Breaking them would be easier.

Lucifer: You know, I never understood you pagans. You're such petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be gods. [snaps Mercury's neck] And they call me prideful.

Gabriel: Luci, I'm home!

Gabriel: Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Lucifer: What did you say to me?
Gabriel: Look at yourself... Boo hoo, Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.
Lucifer: Watch your tone.
Gabriel: Play the victim all you want, but you and me, we know the truth. Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all of this is just a great big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.

Lucifer: Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael...
Gabriel: Screw him. If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass, too.

Gabriel: I've been riding the pine a long time, but I'm in the game now. And I'm not on your side or Michael's, I'm on theirs.

Gabriel: [to Sam and Dean] Without me, you got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry. But... you can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from, it's still down there, and maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You got to get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and, uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey - details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know. But the key to the cage, it's out there. Actually it's keys, plural, four keys. Well, four rings... from the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage.

The Devil You Know [5.20][edit]

[Overhearing Dean and Sam's conversation]
Doctor: Did you just say that a bunch of statues started crying?
Sam: What? What? No, no. Who-who...
Dean: Who would say that? Crazy people.
Sam: Exactly.
Dean: Which we are not.

Sam: You want to talk? After what you did to us?
Crowley: After what... What I did to you? I gave you the Colt!
Sam: Yeah, and you knew it wouldn't work against the Devil!
Crowley: I never!
Sam: You set us up. We lost people on that suicide run, good people!

Crowley: [referring to Sam] Call your dog off.

Crowley: [referring to demons] They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!

Crowley: I've sold sin to saints for centuries. You think I can't close one little demon?

Crowley: Sam's not coming.
Sam: And why the hell not?
Crowley: Because I don't like you. I don't trust you. And oh yes, and you keep trying to kill me!
Sam: There's no damn way! This isn't gonna happen.
Crowley: I'm not asking you, am I? Cause you're not invited.

Bobby: Are you idgits trying to kill me?!
Sam: Bobby.
Bobby: We just got done talking your brother off the edge and now you're lining up to say yes?!

Crowley: Go get him tiger.
Dean: You're not coming?
Crowley: Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.

Brady: See, War and Famine, even if I could cram the rings back on their bony fingers, I doubt it would do much good. They're withered husks right now, fetal position on the floor, all thanks to you. So I don't want the rings. What I want is retribution. And I'm going to rip it right out of your ass!

Crowley: What? It went like clockwork.
Dean: Not for me, you son of a bitch!
Crowley: That's what you get working with a demon.

Crowley: Look we can't take this guy back to your brother.
Dean: Why the hell not?
[Crowley doesn't answer him and just looks around.]

Sam: You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! You introduced me to Jess!
Brady: Ding, ding, I think he's got it.

Dean: How'd it go? Did he buy your Girl Scout cookies?
Crowley: Not yet. Where's your moose?

Brady: Well here we go. Are we doing last words or no?

Brady: What did you do?
Crowley: Went over to a demon's nest, had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though. Let one of the little toads live. Oops! Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are... wait for it... Lovers in League Against Satan. Hello darling. So now death is off the table. Now you get to be on the boss's eternal torment list with little old me.
Brady: Oh no no no no. No!
Crowley: Something else we have in common, apart from our torrid passion, of course: craven self-preservation.

Sam: You're saying a hellhound followed you here?
Crowley: [Referring to demon tracking coin] Well, technically he followed this.

[Crowley disappears leaving Sam and Dean to deal with the Hellhounds.]
Sam: I told you!
Dean: Oh well good for you!

Brady: Dammit get me out of here!
Dean & Sam: Shut up!

Dean: You're back?
Crowley: I'm invested. Currently. [Hellhound growls] Stay!
Dean: You can control them?!
Crowley: Not that one. [pats his Hellhound which appears to be about 5 feet high based on position of his hand] I brought my own. Mine's bigger. Sick 'em, boy!

Crowley: [referring to his Hellhound] I'll wager 1,000 my pup wins.

Brady: What is this?
Dean: All those angels, all those demons, all those sons of bitches... they just don't get it, do they, Sammy?
Sam: No, they don't, Dean.
Dean: You see, Brady, we're the ones you should be afraid of.

Brady: Maybe the only difference between you and a demon, is your hell is right here.
Sam: [Kills Brady] Interesting theory.

Bobby: You know where Death is?
Crowley: [pauses] No. Not in the foggiest.

Bobby: Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas.

Crowley: Let's just say, when they're getting the Grammy's they shouldn't all be thanking God.

Bobby: Get out!
Crowley: I'll give it right back.
Bobby: Do you think I'm a natural born idgit?

Two Minutes To Midnight [5.21][edit]

Celeste: Are you going to cure me?
Pestilence: No. You're going to die. In 4...3...2... [Celeste vomits on him a la Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" and dies] Interesting.

Dean: Did you know about this?
Bobby: What?
Dean: About Sam's genius plan to say yes to the devil? [Bobby doesn't say anything, then slowly nods.] WELL THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!

Dean: Where the hell are you man?
Castiel: A hospital.
Dean: Are you okay?
Castiel: No.
Dean: [Long pause] You wanna elaborate?

Dean: Alright. Well no worries. Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash. Bobby: I will?

Dean: It's like a full color brochure for dying young. Of course, to Pestilence, it's probably Dollywood in there.

Sam: Hey... what are we even looking for?
Dean: Well, he's Pestilence so he probably looks sick.
Sam: Everybody looks sick.

Nurse: Sir... the Winchesters are here. We should go.
Pestilence: [laughs] Are you kidding me?
Nurse: They have a track record with Horsemen.
Pestilence: You mean my brothers... What they did to my brothers... The only reasonable thing to do here is to take it out on their healthy young asses.
Nurse: We're under strict orders not to kill the vessels.
Pestilence: Well, if Satan wants them so bad, he can GLUE THEM BACK TOGETHER!

Pestilence: However you feel right now, it's going to get so very very much worse. Questions?

Dean: Cas?
Pestilence: How'd you get here?
Castiel: I took a bus.

Dean: So please tell us you have actual good news.
Bobby: Chicago is about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.
Castiel: I don't understand your definition of good news.

Bobby: Well Death, the horsemen, he's going to be there. And if we can stop him before he kick starts the storm and get his ring back.
Dean: Yeah! You make it sound so easy.

Bobby: The world's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little soul.
Dean: You sold your soul?
Crowley: More like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back.
Dean: Well then give it back!
Crowley: I will.
Dean: Now!
Sam: Did you kiss him?
Dean: Sam!
Sam: Just wondering.
Bobby: [awkward silence] No!
Crowley: [coughs, shows photo of him and Bobby kissing on his iPhone]
Bobby: Why'd you take a picture?!?
Crowley: Why'd you have to use tongue?

[Sam and Dean have a heart to heart talk.]
Crowley: And... scene.

Sam: So Pestilence was spreading swine flu.
Dean: Yeah, but not just for giggles. That was step one. Step two is the vaccine. And you think...?
Crowley: I know. I'll stake my reputation that vaccine is chock full of Grade A, farm-fresh, Croatoan virus.
Sam: Simultaneous countrywide distribution. That's quite a plan.
Crowley: You don't get to be Horsemen for nothing. So you boys better stock up on... well, everything. This time next Thursday, we'll all be living in Zombieland.

Castiel: It's the eleventh hour and I am useless. All I have is this. [Indicates shotgun in his hand] What am I even supposed to do with it?
Bobby: Point it and shoot.
Castiel: What I used to be-
Bobby: Are you really going to bitch to me?
[Later Castiel shoots a "zombie" to save Sam's life]
Castiel: Actually these things can be useful.

Castiel: How did you get that?
Crowley: Hello, King of the Crossroads.

Crowley: Bobby, are you just going to sit there?
Bobby: No, I'm going to river dance.
Crowley: Well I suppose if you wanna impress the ladies.

Dean: Bobby sold his soul for this!
Crowley: Relax. All deals are soul back or store credit. We'll catch Death in the next doomed city.
Dean: Millions, Crowley! Millions of people are about to die any minute!
Crowley: True. So I strongly suggest we get out of here.

Dean: So what, call in a bomb threat, a thousand bomb threats? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to get three million people out of Chicago in the next ten minutes?

Bobby: Can we commit our act of domestic terrorism already? Let's go!

Death: This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.

Dean: Well I gotta ask: How old are you?
Death: As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg – regardless, at the end, I’ll reap Him too.
Dean: God? You’ll reap God?
Death: Oh yes. God will die too, Dean.
Dean: Well, this is way above my pay grade.
Death: Just a bit.

Death: Lucifer has me bound to him, some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you, I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his weapon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child having a tantrum.

Dean: What about Chicago?
Death: I suppose it can stay. I like the pizza.

Swan Song [5.22][edit]

Chuck: On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville--a blue two-door Caprice. There was a big ceremony, speeches, the lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have. because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car--no, the most important object--in pretty much the whole universe.

Dean: I'm on board.
Sam: You're gonna let me say yes?
Dean: No, that's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown--well, overgrown--man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play.
Sam: That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say.
Dean: Might be.

Sam: Take care of these guys, okay?
Castiel: That's not possible.
Sam: Then humor me.
Castiel: Oh. I was supposed to lie. [Chuckles] Uh... sure. They'll be fine...
Sam: Just--just stop... talking.

Chuck: The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have... and a few things they don't. But none of that stuff's important. This is the stuff that's important. The army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray--it's still stuck there. The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents. To this day, heat comes on, they can hear 'em rattle. These are the things that make the car theirs. Really theirs. Even when Dean rebuilt it from the ground up, he made sure all these little things stayed. 'Cause it's the blemishes that make her beautiful.

Lucifer: Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It's actually quite the opposite.
Dean: Well, I'll alert the media.

Lucifer: A wrestling match inside your noggin. I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you.

Castiel: It's starting.
Dean: Yeah, you think, genius?
Castiel: You don't have to be mean.
Dean: So, what do we do now?
Castiel: I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... just wait for the inevitable blast wave.
Dean: Yes, well, thank you, Bukowski.

Chuck: In between jobs, Sam and Dean would sometimes get a day--sometimes a week, if they were lucky. They'd pass the time lining their pockets. Sam used to insist on honest work, but now he hustles pool, like his brother. They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove a thousand miles for an Ozzy show. Two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars... for hours... without saying a word. It never occurred to them that, sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls but they were never, in fact, homeless.

Dean: Hey. We need to talk.
Lucifer: Dean, even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid.

Castiel: Hey assbutt! [hits Michael with holy-oil molotov cocktail]
Michael: [screams and disappears]
Dean: Assbutt?
Castiel: He will be back, and upset. But you got your five minutes.
Lucifer: Castiel, did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?
Castiel: [Frightened] Uh... no?
Lucifer: No one dicks with Michael but me. [Snaps fingers, Castiel explodes]

Dean: Cas, you're alive?
Castiel: I'm better than that. [heals Dean, demonstrating his restored powers]
Dean: ... Cas, are you God?
Castiel: [smiles] That's a nice compliment. But no, though I do believe He brought me back. New and improved. [resurrects Bobby]

Chuck: Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.

Chuck: This is the last Dean and Bobby will see of each other for a very long time. And for the record, at this point next week, Bobby will be hunting a Roogaru outside of Dayton. But not Dean. Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got wants to die or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

Chuck: So what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt--endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it? [Smiles to himself before disappearing into thin air]

Season 6[edit]

Exile on Main St. [6.01][edit]

Dean: There's not much to tell. You know, it's--I... lived on the road. Took crap jobs that nobody else wanted.
Sid: Like...?
Dean: Like... pest control.
Sid: Really? Pest control.
Dean: Yeah. Get to work with a partner. You get to help people. You have no idea what's in some people's walls. Could eat them alive.

Sid: Dean! Is that a gun?
Dean: No! No, yeah. well, I got a permit for it.
Sid: What, to shoot the Glickmans' dog?
Dean: I thought that was a possum. Remember when I said I was in pest control. Well, possums carry rabies, so...
Sid: Wow. I did not know that.
Dean: Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.

Lisa: So I just ran into Sid. Did you almost shoot a Yorkie?
Dean: Technically

Azazel: Hiya Dean, look what the apocalypse shook loose. [laughs] You have fun sniffing that trail? 'Cause I sure had fun pattin' you around.
Dean: You can't be...
Azazel: Oh sure I can.
Dean: No.
Azazel: Yeah, kiddo, the big daddy brought your pal Cass back, right? So why not me? Add a little spice to all that... sugar. [Dean shoots him] Really? After all we've been through together? You know, you've got a great little life here; pretty lady, real understanding... hell of a kid. And how do you keep your lawn so green? I mean, come on, Dean! You never been what I'd call "brainy", but did you really think you were gonna get to keep all of this? You had to know that we were comin' for you sometime, pal. You can't outrun your past.

Dean: Sammy?
Sam: Yeah, it's me.
[They hug each other]
Dean: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You... you... you were... you were gone man! That... That was it, how the hell you're...
Sam: I don't know.
Dean: What did you mean, you don't know?
Sam: I mean no idea. I'm just back.
Dean: Was it God? Or... or Cas? Did Cas know anything about it?
Sam: You tell me, I been calling, Cas didn't answer my prayers. I don't even know where he is.

Sam: You finally had what you wanted Dean.
Dean: I wanted my brother! Alive!
Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time. Maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. You had something. You were building something. Had I shown up Dean, you would've just run off.

Gwen: My God, you have delicate features for a hunter.

Bobby: Maybe you want to go upstairs. The TV's broken but there's plenty of Reader's Digests. Just don't touch the decor, okay? Assume it's all loaded.

Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me?
Bobby: Yeah, a woman and a kid... and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant.
Dean: That woman and that kid, I went to them because you asked me to.
Bobby: Good.
Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much, I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books trying to find anything to bust you out.
Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone.
Dean: Of course, I didn't leave it alone! Sue me!

Lisa: You're an idiot. I mean, I know it wasn't greeting-card perfect, but we were in it together.
Dean: I was a wreck half the time.
Lisa: Yeah, well, the guy that basically just saved the world shows up at your door, you expect him to have a couple of issues.

Samuel: Nice house.
Dean: Oh yeah, go ahead, say it, call me a soccer mom, whatever.
Samuel: "Soccer mom," huh. I'll have to look that up on the "Intranet".

Two and a Half Men [6.02][edit]

Dean: Maybe I shouldn't go.
Lisa: It's okay. You want to go, so go.
Dean: You know what, Sam can handle this.
Lisa: Dean, no offense, but if you don't walk out that door, I'm going to shoot you.

Sam: Seatbelt.
Dean: What am I, in third grade? A car should drive, not be a little bitch.

Sam: Dean, make it stop.
Dean: How?
Sam: Everyone's staring at us like we're child abusers! Feed it!
Dean: We fed it!
Sam: Then what?
Dean: I don't know. You think I speak baby? Maybe he needs a diaper change.
Sam: Oh God, I hope not.

Dean: [after Sam has killed a shape shifter in their motel room] Well, there goes our deposit.

Dean: You want to bring it to a bunch of hunters.
Sam: Not just hunters, Dean. They're our family.
Dean: We don't know them.
Sam: I do. Not every hunter is a head case. I mean, Samuel is actually a lot like you.
Dean: I'm a freaking head case.

Samuel: Congrats. It's a boy... sometimes.

Lisa: The one thing that I do know is that you're not a construction worker. You're a hunter. And now you know your brother's out there, things are different. You don't want to be here, Dean.
Dean: Yes, I do.
Lisa: Okay. Okay, but, but you also want to be there. I get it. You're white-knuckling it living like this. Like what you are is some bad, awful thing. But you're not. But I'm not going to have this discussion every time you leave. And this is... this is just going to keep happening, so... I need you to go.

The Third Man [6.03][edit]

Sam: Were you racing me?
Dean: No. I was kicking your ass.
Sam: Very mature.

Dean: We should call Cas.
Sam: You kidding, right?... Dean, I tried. It was the first and second and third thing I did as soon I get topside. Son of the bitch won't answer the phone!
Dean: Well, let's give it a shot. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here.
Sam: You're an idiot.
Dean: Stay positive.
Sam: Oh, I am positive.
Dean: C'mon, Cas. Don't be a dick. We got ourselves a... plague-like situation down here. Do you...Do you copy? [Nothing happens]
Sam: Like I said, the son of the bitch doesn't answer. [Castiel appears behind Sam, Dean sees him] He's right behind me, isn't he?
Castiel: Hello.

Sam: [to Cas] So what you- you like him better or something?
Castiel: Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.

Castiel: You think I came because you called? I came because of this.
Dean: Oh, well, it's nice to know what matters.
Castiel: It does help one to focus.

Cas: I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.

Castiel: Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty." Pardon me, but I have spent the last "year" as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.

Dean: I don't know who's on first, what's on second.
Castiel: What is second?
Dean: Don't start that.

Balthazar: Holy fire. You hairless ape! Release me!
Dean: First you're taking your marker off of Aaron Birch's soul.
Balthazar: Am I?
Dean: Sam!
Sam: Unless you like your wings extra crispy, I'd think about it.
Balthazar: Castiel, I stood for you in Heaven. Are you gonna let these two-
Castiel: I believe the hairless ape has the floor.

Weekend at Bobby's [6.04][edit]

Crowley: That swan dive of Sam's was a thing of beauty. Tens all the way around. Standing "o" from the Romanian judge. You should be proud, Bobby. As deaths go, it wasn't too shabby.

Bobby: Dean, I'm a little busy.
Dean: Well then kick Bo Derek out of your bathtub. We got a case, here.

Marcy: I love scary movies. Hey, have you seen Drag Me to Hell?
Bobby: Trying to avoid it.

Agent Adams: Have you seen this man, Rufus Turner AKA Luther Vandros AKA Ruben Studdard.
Bobby: No. Never seen that dick.
Agent Adams: How do you know he's a dick?
Bobby: Lucky guess.

Agent Adams: I just want to take a look around.
Bobby: You got a warrant, sonny?
Agent Adams: Well, do I need one, sir?
Sheriff Mills: Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.

Bobby: Why'd you send him outside?
Sheriff Mills: Because I didn't think you'd want him in here.
Bobby: I don't. I've got a body in the basement.
Sheriff Mills: My point.
Bobby: Yeah, but I've got another body buried in the yard.

Marcy: Bobby, I am trying to keep my cool here, but what are you doing in my house with a shotgun?
Bobby: Have you seen anything weird?
Marcy: You mean besides you?

Rufus: You're still alive, huh?
Bobby: Don't act so surprised.

Rufus: So you just happened to have a bamboo dagger blessed by a Shinto priest laying around.
Bobby: Wood chipper.
Rufus: Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.

Bobby: Sam, Dean, I love you like my own. I do. But sometimes... sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met. I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything! You need some lore scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to about each other. You call me, and I come through. Every damn time! And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat!
Dean: Bobby...
Bobby: Do I sound like I'm done? Now look, I know you got issues. God knows, I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the center of the universe! Now it may have slipped your minds that Crowley owns my soul, and the meter is running. And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around and... and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once?

Crowley: I thought when I got the corner office, it was all going to be rainbows and two-headed puppies. But if I'm being honest, it's been hell.
Bobby: I thought that was the point.
Crowley: You know what the problem with demons is?
Bobby: They're demons?
Crowley: Exactly. Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of them. They're stupid. You try to show them a new way, a better way, and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there's days that I think Lucifer's whole "spike anything with black eyes" plan wasn't half bad. Hpph. Feels good to get it off my chest. We should make this a thing.
Bobby: Do I look like Dr. Phil to you?
Crowley: A little.

Crowley: I'll do the shorthand for you. (as Bobby) I want my soul back, idjit! (as himself) Afraid not. (as Bobby) But I'm surly and I got a beard. Gimme! (as himself) Blah blah blah. Homespun, cornpone insult. Witty retort from yours truly. The bottom line is, you get bupkis.

Bobby: Now, you may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life, you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
Crowley: Just trying to hit double digits.

Dean: Did you really used to wear a skirt?
Crowley: A kilt. I had very athletic calves.

Crowley: I believe those are mine.
Dean: You know, now that I think about it, maybe I'll just napalm your ass anyhow.
Sam: Dean. He's a dick, but a deal's a deal.
Crowley: I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.

Live Free or Twihard [6.05][edit]

Dean: These aren't vampires, man. These... these are douchebags.

Dean: He's watching her sleep, how is that not rapey?

Dean: "He could hear the blood rushing inside her. Almost taste it. He tried desperately to control himself. Romero knew their love was impossible." Romero? Really?
Sam: Dean, shut up.
Dean: This is a national best-seller. How is that possible?

Sam: Where are you going?
Dean: Bathroom, okay? Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!

Dean: Oh, God, I'm Pattinson.

Boris: These are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire. Dracula, Anne Rice, please. These stupid little brats are so horny, they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo. They want a promise ring with fangs, so I give it to them.

You Can't Handle the Truth [6.06][edit]

Dean: You gotta figure out what the hell [Sam] is and fast.
Bobby: I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst case scenario.
Dean: What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know.
Bobby: Well, that'd be the other worst case.
Dean: Well, then what?
Bobby: Maybe it's just Sam.

Sam: A dentist drilled a guy to death.
Dean: You mean the non-sexy kind of drilling, right?

Woman in Bar: I'm sitting like this so you'll look at my breasts. I just bought them. I need a lot of attention.
Dean: Good luck with that.

Bobby: Tori Spelling. I'm a huge fan. Girl's a real talent.
Dean: I guess it does work over the phone.
Bobby: You know what else? I get a pedicure once and a while at this nice Vietnamese joint.
Dean: Okay, please stop.
Bobby: This one girl, Nhung Phuong, name means "velvet phoenix." Tiny thing, but the grip on her! She starts on my toes and I feel like I am gonna -
Dean: Whoa, whoa, come on, man. Now I'm scarred for life! Thank you.

Dean: And that's -
Sam: Dog's blood.
Dean: Do I even want to know where you got that?
Sam: Probably not.

Dean: I told myself I wanted out. That I wanted a family.
Veritas: But you were lying.
Dean: No, but what I'm good at is slicing throats. I ain't a father, I'm a killer. And there's no changing that, I know that now.

Family Matters [6.07][edit]

Samuel: This Castiel? You're scrawnier than I pictured.
Castiel: This is a vessel. My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler Building.
Dean: All right, all right, quit bragging.

Sam: So, Samuel didn't take the bait, so I went with Plan B.
Dean: We had a Plan B?
Sam: I fired up the GPS in one of his cell phones. We should be able to track him right to the Alpha.
Dean: The old man won't notice?
Sam: Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.

Alpha Vampire: When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark. Now you think you can hurt me?

Alpha Vampire: The thing about souls, if you've got one, of course, is they're predictable. You die, you go up or down. Where do my kind go?
Dean: All right, enough with the sermon, freak.
Alpha Vampire: I'm trying to answer the question. Now, when we freaks die, where do we go? Not Heaven, not Hell. So?
Dean: Legoland?

Dean: OK, we split up, clear every room. If you get a shot, you take it. It's not going to kill him, but dude will move a little slower without any kneecaps, and if we make it through this, you, me and Sam are having one hell of a family meeting.

Dean: Since when do you give a crap about vampires?
Crowley: Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.

Dean: So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?

All Dogs Go to Heaven [6.08][edit]

Crowley: That Bobby Singer? Give him a kiss for me.

Crowley: Werewolves turning on the full moon. So '09.

Crime scene tech: What are the feds doing here?
Sam: Oh, we're specialists. They call us in to answer the questions of mouth-breathing dick monkeys.

Crime scene tech: You do realize these were animal attacks.
Dean: An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?

Dean: You didn't sleep. Cause you don't... sleep.
Sam: Right.
Dean: Yeah, that's not creepy at all.

Sam: Bag him now?
Dean: No, we make sure.
Sam: Really?
Dean: Before we hand him over to a lifetime of demon rape? Yeah, really.

Sam: Boy, Cal just doesn't know when to quit.
Dean: Three scuzzy bars, one scuzzy strip joint, a chili dog joint, seven or eight nightcaps, and now Scotches in the library. I'm getting cirrhosis just watching this.

Sam: Roll over, Lucky. Speak.
Lucky: Go to hell.
Sam: Already been. Didn't agree with me.

Clap Your Hands If You Believe [6.09][edit]

Marion: Of course it's not UFOs. It's fairies.
Dean: Fairies? Okay. Well, thank you for your input.
Sam: What, flying saucers not insane enough for you?
Marion: What newspaper did you say you work for?
Sam: Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it.
Dean: Okay, we're—we're done.
Sam: The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister.
Dean: Yeah, it's a-it's a blood-sugar thing. My apologies.

Dean: Empathy man, empathy. I mean, the old Sam would have given her some-some wussified, dew-eyed crap.

Dean: But until we get you back on the soul train, I'll be your conscience. Okay?
Sam: So you're saying you'll be my Jiminy Cricket.
Dean: Shut up. But yeah, you freakin' puppet. That's exactly what I"m saying.

Dean: [on the phone] UFO! UFO!
Sam: Oh. Dude, stop yelling, you're breaking up. I didn't catch that last part.
Dean: Close encounter! Close encounter!
Sam: Close encounter? What kind? First? Second?
Dean: They're after me!
Sam: Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing.
Dean: Empathy, Sam! Empathy!

Sparrow: Your brother was abducted?
Sam: Yeah.
Sparrow: Oh my God!
Sam: It's fine. I mean, I've had time to adjust.
Sparrow: Did it-did it happen when you were kids?
Sam: No, like half an hour ago.

Sam: So, you've been hunting UFOs for over three decades and you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads.
Wayne: Well, I...
Sam: Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFOs?

Sparrow: What were they like?
Dean: They were grabby, incandescent douche bags. Good night.
Sparrow: Too soon.

Dean: And then suddenly I was, uh, I was-I was in a different place. And there were these... beings. And they were-they were too bright to look at, but I could-I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of... table.
Sam: Probing table?
Dean: God, don't say that out loud!

Dean: I had a close encounter, Sam, and I won.
Sam: You should take a shower.
Dean: I should take a shower. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a shower now.

Sam: Look. That brings up a question. So, say you got a soul, and you're on a case. And your brother gets abducted by aliens.
Dean: Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back.
Sam: Right, you do. But, what about when there are no more leads for the night? I mean, are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer? Even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?
Dean: Yes!
Sam: What?
Dean: Yes. You sit in the dark and you-you feel the loss.
Sam: Absolutely. But couldn't I just do all that and have sex with the hippy chick?
Dean: No!
Sam: It'll be in the dark.

Dean: Nipples?

Sam: What the hell was it?
Dean: It was a... a little, naked lady, okay?
Sam: It was... a what?
Dean: It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
Sam: I'm not supposed to laugh, right? Right, okay, sure.

Marion: Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, king of the fairy.
Sam: Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?

Dean: God, is it on me? I feel like I've got the crazy on me.
Sam: No. You did sit in some glitter, though.
Dean: Makes me want to believe in UFOs again.

Dean: Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! FIGHT THE FAIRIES!

Caged Heat [6.10][edit]

Sam: Cas, we found something. It-it's this gold box. Apparently Nazis were after it back in the day. Someone tried to open it and their face melted off. I think its the - ready for this - the Arc of the Convenant. Yeah, so-
Cas: I'm here Sam. Where is the box?
Sam: I can't believe you fell for that! That was the plot of Raiders, idiot.

Sam: If you don't help us, I will hunt you down and kill you.
Cas: Will you, boy? How?
Sam: I don't know yet, but I will look until I find out and I don't sleep.
Cas: You need help Sam.
Sam: I need your help.

Cas: This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she's done something wrong?
Dean: You're watching porn? Why?
Castiel: It was there.
Dean: You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off! [Castiel looks down at his lap] Well, now he's got a boner.

Samuel: This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
Castiel: We're not supposed to talk about it.

Meg: [to Cas] Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence.
Cas: [to Dean and Sam] Why are we working with these... abominations?
Meg: [to Cas] Keep talking dirty, it makes my meatsuit all dewy.

Dean: Karma's a bitch, bitch.

Cas: [After he kisses Meg] I learned that from the pizza man.

Dean: If you want forgiveness, find a priest.
Samuel: I just want you to understand.
Dean: Oh, I understand. That you're a liar. You talk about putting blood first – which is funny 'cause you sound just like my dad - difference is, he actually did!
Samuel: I am putting blood first.
Dean: Oh, give me a break.
Samuel: Mary is my blood, my daughter! Don't come at me like I sold you out, Dean. You sold out your own mother! It was her or Sam and you chose Sam, plain and simple.
Dean: Oh, that is such crap. You wanna know what really happened? You chose a demon over your own grandsons!
Samuel: See it how you want. I don't even know what Sam is. And you want me to protect him? And you? You're a stranger. No, really, tell me – what exactly are you supposed to be to me?
Dean: I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy you never wanna see again. 'Cause I'll make it out of here, trust me. And the next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you.
Samuel: Don't think there's gonna be a next time.
Dean: Whatever gets you though the night.

Cas: Leave them alone.
Crowley: Castiel. Haven't seen you all season. You're the cavalry now?
Cas: Put the knife down.
Crowley: You that bossy in heaven?

Appointment in Samara [6.11][edit]

Sam: I need your help, Balthazar.
Balthazar: Interesting. Since last time we met you wanted to... what was it? Oh yes, yes... fry my wings extra crispy.
Sam: Well, that was a misunderstanding.
Balthazar: Some misunderstanding!
Sam: I need some advice.
Balthazar: Advice?
Sam: Angel advice.
Balthazar: Then go ask your boyfriend.
Sam: Cas can't help me.

Dead Guy: (after dying from a heart attack) Why?
Dean: You think maybe it was the extra cheese?
Dead Guy: Yeah... It was good though.

Bobby: [as Sam chops down the door] Don't say "Here's Johnny!"

Bobby: You want to explain what this is about?
Sam: I just, uh, I have to do this, Bobby.
Bobby: Says who?
Sam: When Dean shoves that soul back in me, think how bad that could really be. I can't let it happen, Bobby. I mean it's not like I want to kill you, you've been nothing but good to me.
Bobby: So what, demon deal or somethin'?
Sam: Spell.
Bobby: You're makin' a mistake, Sam.
Sam: I'm trying to survive.
Bobby: Dean's got a way to make it safe.
Sam: Oh, yeah, what some wall inside my head that maybe stays up? Come on.
Bobby: If it works...
Sam: Well, what if it doesn't? Dean doesn't care about me. He - he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in Hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back.
Bobby: Look, I... I know how scary it is. You know what's scarier? You right now. You're not in your right head Sam. You're not giving us much choice here.

Death: Today, you got a hard look behind the curtain. Wrecking the natural order's not quite such fun when you have to mop up the mess, is it? This is hard for you, Dean. You throw away your life because you've come to assume that it'll bounce right back into your lap. But the human soul is not a rubber ball. It's vulnerable, impermanent, but stronger than you know. And more valuable than you can imagine. So, I think you've learned something today.

Death: [returning Sam's soul to him] Now Sam, I'm going to put up a barrier inside your mind... You might feel a little itchy. Do me a favor... don't scratch the wall. Because, trust me, you're not going to like what happens.

Like a Virgin [6.12][edit]

Dean: (to Bobby) Why the poop face?

Dean: (while reading Penny's diary) I've decided I'm going to give Stan my most precious gift...
Sam: Wow, that sounded really creepy coming out of your mouth.
Dean: I think I delivered it.

Dean: I prefer ladies with experience

Sam: So what kind of thing likes virgins and gold?
Dean: P. Diddy?

Dean: (to the rock as he's trying to get the sword out) You rocks think you're so smart.

Unforgiven [6.13][edit]

Dean: One of dad's rules? You never use the same crapper twice.
Sam: Everyone uses the same crapper twice.
Dean: Not us... You know what I mean.

Dean: (leaving a voicemail for Sam) I found the connection between the missing chicks. They all banged the same dude. You.

Dean: My spidey senses are tingling.

Dean: Sam, you-you gotta understand that all that crap last year, all of it, none of it was you.
Sam: Let's be crystal clear, okay? It was me.
Dean: (walks away) Can I get you anything?
Sam: What are you now, my waitress?
Dean: I'm just trying to make you feel better, don't be a bitch.
Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.
Dean: (sarcastic) Yeah, you look fine. (serious) All I'm saying is everything's gonna be okay.
Sam: I don't know Dean, if I did this here, then who knows how many oth— (Sam falls to the floor in a violent seizure)
Dean: Sammy? Sam?! Sammy, talk to me!
(Sam has a flash back to his soul burning and screaming in Hell)

Mannequin 3: The Reckoning [6.14][edit]

Dean: How do you feel?
Sam: Like I got hit by a... planet.

Sam: How long was I out again?
Dean: I'm tellin' you, like two or three minutes. Why, what'd it feel like to you?
Sam: 'bout a week. give or take.

Dean: None of this "it's just a flesh wound" crap.

Sam: Dean, I might have done...who knows what. And you want me to just forget about it?
Dean: You shove it down, and you let it come out in spurts of violence and alcoholism.
Sam: That sounds healthy.
Dean: Well, it works for me.

Sam: That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab.
Dean: Excuse me?
Sam: What if that's what this is about?
Dean: What exactly are you accusing me of?

(Ben tricked Dean and Lisa into talking)
Ben: Um...
Dean and Lisa: (in unison) Go to your room.

Lisa: (to Dean) My phone rings, I think: tiny chance it's you, big chance it's Sam calling to tell me you're died.

Dean: (before tricking his possessed Impala to crash into a wall) I'm so sorry, baby.

The French Mistake [6.15][edit]

Makeup girl: Jensen, there you are. Let's just get you in the chair.
Dean: The chair?
Makeup girl: Okay, good. (reaching for a de-makeup wipe) We're just gonna get this make-up off your face.
Dean: What? Hey, I'm not wearing any make-... (looking at a dirty wipe in disbelief) Oh crap. I'm a painted whore!

Dean: They put frickin' make up on us. Those bastards.
Sam: Look, I think I know what this is.
Dean: Okay, what?
Sam: It's a TV show.
Dean: (sarcastic) You think?!
Sam: Well, I mean, here, wherever this is, thi-this Twilight Zone Balthazar zapped us into... for whatever reason, our life is a TV show.
Dean: Why?
Sam: I don't know.
Dean: No, seriously, why? Why would anybody wanna watch our lives?
Sam: Well according to the television reporter, not many people do.

Sam: I'm just saying we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a Jared Padalecki.
Dean: Oh, so what, now you're Polish?!

Dean: (upon seeing the many Impalas on the set, some of which are beaten up) I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick.

Dean: I feel like this whole place is bad touching me.

Dean: Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So...Breaker, breaker.

Dean: This isn't Cas.
Sam: Dude, look at him.
Misha: You guys wanna run lines, or...?
Dean: His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
Sam: Oh, wow. (takes Key back from Misha) ... Just great.
(Dean and Sam go away)
Dean: Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?

Sam: (spotting the actor's trailer) Hey. "J. Ackles."
Dean: That's fake me.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: This must be fake mine. (upon entering the trailer) Dude, I have a helicopter!
Sam: Wow, alright, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?
Dean: Apparently Jensen Ackles.
Sam: (rolling his eyes) Huh.

Sam: If there's a key, then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock, we'll also have the lock, I imagine because we've opened it, and of course, the initial key... a-and...
Dean: (abnormally deep voice) We need to get all three of that crap.
Sam: What?
Dean: That's how he does it!

Bob: Jared and Jensen were seen beating an extra to death.
Sarah: Huh.
Jim: This is Jim here Sarah, and it wasn't all the way to death. So that's a plus.

Dean: (about Raphael) Dude looks like a lady.

Sam: (hitting a wall in Bobby's house) Solid. (with relief) It's real. Nice.
Dean: Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and uh, we're broke again.
Sam: (sarcastic) Yeah. But, hey... at least we're talking.

...And Then There Were None [6.16][edit]

Eve: God doesn't care about you.
Rick: Sure He does.
Eve: Your Father made you and then abandoned you. So you pray. You see signs where there's nothing. But truth is, your Apocalypse came and went, and you didn't even notice. A mother would never abandon her children like He did. You'll see.

Dean: I'm not in the mood. I just had a 12 inch herpe crawl out of my ear!
Sam: What?
Dean: You heard me.

Sam: You saying he wasn't a monster when I ganked him?
Rufus: One way to find out. Bobby, you got a cranial saw in the car?
Bobby: Of course.

Rufus: I want you and you to watch... Okay, I want you and you to watch him and him and... Alright if anything crawls out of anybodies somebody step on it.

Sam: What he did to us... but...
Dean: There's a but?
Sam: I just can't help but think, what would Mom say?
Dean: You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say, "Just 'cause you're blood doesn't make you family. You gotta earn that."

Rufus: [to Dean, Sam, Bobby] This can't be my afterlife because the three of you are here.

Dean: Hey there, you little herpe.
Sam: Why do you keep talking about herpes?
Dean: What? I don't. Shut up. Shut up!

Dean: Who is she, this Eve bitch?
Slug: The Mother of All of us. And the end of all of you. By the time she's done, there'll be more creatures than humans. You'll live in pens. We'll serve up your young and call it veal.

Bobby: It was Omaha. It was my fault. And he never let it go.
Dean: Well, he should have.
Bobby: You don't know what I did, Dean.
Dean: It doesn't matter.
Bobby: What do you mean, it doesn't...?
Dean: I mean, at the end of the day, you two are family. Life's short, and ours are shorter than most. We gonna spend it wringing our hands? Something's going to get us, eventually. And when my guts get ripped out, just so you two know, we're good. Blanket apology for all the crap that anybody's done, all the way around.
Sam: Some of us pulled a lot of crap, Dean.
Dean: Well, clean slate.
Sam: Okay.

My Heart Will Go On [6.17][edit]

Bobby: You two just going to stand there like the ugly girl at the prom, or you gonna pitch in? This so-called Eve mother, whatever, ain't gonna gank herself.

Dean: I mean, accidents just don't happen accidentally. (Sam stares) You know what I mean.

Dean: Can you tell me anything noteworthy about the Russos?
Shawn Russo: Noteworthy? No. I mean, not exactly. Average. You know, big, from Italy.
Dean: I see. Uh, was anyone ever killed or maimed in a war? Or, you know, some other violent thing?
Shawn Russo: What do you mean?
Dean: Like something so dark that it would sully future generations.
Shawn Russo: Uh, no.
Dean: Good. Good stuff. Anyone own a slave?
Shawn Russo: What?
Dean: Routine question. Any ties to the Nazi Party?
Shawn Russo: Excuse me?
Dean: Did Grandma ever piss off a gypsy?
Shawn Russo: Okay. You know what? I don't know what kind of study you're doing, but it's over. Right now.

Sam: Why?
Balthazar: Why what?
Dean: Why did you unsink the ship?
Balthazar: Because I hated the movie.
Dean: What movie?
Balthazar: Exactly.
Sam: Wait. So you saved a cruise liner because...?
Balthazar: Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
Sam: Who's Celine Dion?
Balthazar: Oh, she's a destitute lounge singer somewhere in Quebec, and let's keep it that way, please.

Sam: But now those people and their kids and their kids' kids... they must have interacted with-with so many other people, changed so much crap... you totally butterfly-effected history.
Dean: Dude, dude, rule one. No Kutcher references.

Balthazar: Anyway, let's agree, I did a good thing. One less Billy Zane movie and I saved two of your closest friends.

Balthazar: Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. I don't care.

Dean: What'd she look like?
Sam: Kinda like a librarian.
Dean: Your kind of librarian, or my kind of librarian?
Sam: Well, she was wearing clothes, if that's what you mean.

Balthazar: Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
Atropos: Don't try me.
Balthazar: We'll leave it inserted, then.

Dean: So... wait, did--did Balthazar really, uh... unravel a sweater over a chick flick?
Castiel: Yes. Absolutely, that's what he did.
Dean: Wow, well, might be time to take away his cable privileges. Besides, Titanic didn't suck that bad. (Sam stares) Winslet's rack. (Castiel leaves) Well, I'll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.

Frontierland [6.18][edit]

Bobby: Either of you jokers ever heard anything about a Phoenix?
Dean: River, Joaquin, or the giant flaming bird?

Dean: We'll Star Trek IV this bitch.
Bobby: I only watched Deep Space Nine.
Dean: It's like I don't even know you guys anymore. Star Trek IV. Save the whales.

Castiel: You only have 24 hours.
Sam: What? Why?
Castiel: Well, the answer to your question can best be expressed as a series of partial differential equations...
Bobby: Yeah, aim lower.

Sam: Look, just because you're obsessed with all that Wild West stuff.
Dean: No I'm not.
Sam: You have a fetish.
Dean: Shut up. I like old movies.
Sam: You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line-for-line.
Bobby: Even the monkey movies?
Sam: Yeah. Especially the monkey movies.
Dean: His name is Clyde.

Bobby: You goin' to a hoedown?
Castiel: Now is it, is it customary to wear a blanket?
Dean: It's a serape. And yes, it's a... never mind, let's just go.

Sheriff: So what can I do for you, boys?
Sam: Uh we're looking for a man.
Judge Mortimer: I'll bet. Nice shirt there.
Dean: What's wrong with my shirt?
Judge Mortimer: You're very clean.
Dean: It's dirtier than it looks.

Dean: Maybe you got to go find him and make history. I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse. Make that into a t-shirt.
Sam: You done?

Dean: You know what this means?
Bobby: Yeah, I didn't get a soul-onoscopy for nothing.

Mommy Dearest [6.19][edit]

Bobby: I'm thinkin' maybe it's time you made a call.
Dean: Why's it always got to be me that makes the call, huh? It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. (Castiel appears right behind him) Cas, get out of my ass!
Castiel: I was never in your... have you made any progress in locating Eve?

Castiel: I'll search the town. Give me a moment. (stares off into space)
Dean: Cas, we can still see you.
Castiel: Yeah, I'm still here.
Dean: Okay, you don't have to wait on us. (Castiel tries again) Well, now it just looks like you're pooping.

Castiel: I'm powerless.
Dean: You're joking.
Castiel: Something in this town is, uh... it's affecting me. I assume it's Eve.
Dean: So, wait. Mom's making you limp?
Castiel: Figuratively, yes.
Dean: How?
Castiel: I don't know, but she is.
Dean: Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat. (Castiel looks away)
Sam: I think you hurt his feelings.

Castiel: I'm fairly unpracticed with firearms.
Dean: You know who whines? Babies.

Dean: The question is why? What does she want with a... what do you call these?
Bobby: Well, congrats, you discovered it, you get to name it.
Dean: "Jefferson Starships." Huh? Because they're horrible, and hard to kill.
Sam: It looks like the entire bar has been turned into these-
Dean: Jefferson Starships.
Sam: Fine. But why are all... the Starships dead?

Bobby: They won't take long.
Castiel: You don't know that. They may find more wayward orphans along the way.
Bobby: Oh, don't get cute.
Castiel: Right. Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with "sarcasm." It's a bad idea letting them go.
Bobby: Come on. You don't let Sam and Dean Winchester do squat. They do what they gotta, you know that.

Dean: There's one way to draw her out. Me and Sam will go in.
Bobby: Dean!
Dean: Look, if we don't get a shot off you two better.
Bobby: That's the plan?
Dean: Yeah. Pretty much.
Bobby: Well, at least it ain't complicated.

Dean: Is there anybody in this diner that is not a flesh-eating monster?
Sam: Uh, me and you.

Eve: Relax. I'm not here to fight.
Dean: No. Just to rally every freak on the planet. Bring in Khan worms and--and half-assed Spidermen. And dragons. Really, sister? Dragons?
Eve: So I dusted off some of the old classics. I needed help.

The Man Who Would Be King [6.20][edit]

Castiel: I remember being at a shoreline, watching a little grey fish heave itself up on the beach. And an older brother saying, "Don't step on that fish Castiel, big plans for that fish." I remember the the Tower of Babel - all 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell they howled, "Divine Wrath!" But come on, dried dung can only be stacked so high.

Crowley: Chocula here feels every tickle.
Castiel: What is that good for?
Crowley: Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me.

Crowley: You screwed up, Cass. You let the hounds mangle the pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it.
Castiel: What is your point?
Crowley: My point is, you're distracted, and that makes me nervous.
Castiel: I am holding up my end.
Crowley: Ah yes, but is that all you're holding, huh? See, the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, angel. I thought we'd agreed, no more nights out with the boys.

Crowley: Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim-wrapped nightmares?!

Castiel: God wants you to have freedom.
Rachel: But what does he want us to do with it?
Castiel: [narrating] If I knew then what I know now, I might have said; 'It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope, God wants you to hang yourself with it.' Those first weeks back in Heaven were surprisingly difficult. Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like teaching poetry to fish.

Castiel: Whose Heaven is this?
Raphael: Ken Lay's. I'm borrowing it.
Castiel: I still question his admittance here.
Raphael: He's devout. Trumps everything.

Raphael: Do I look like I'm joking?
Castiel: You never look like you're joking.

Cas: (referring to freeing Lucifer and Michael) Then I won't let you
Raphael: Really? You? (holds up one hand and a flash of light appears. Cas is shown on the ground coughing up blood)
Cas: (narrating) I'm not ashamed to say that my big brother knocked me into next week.
Raphael: Tomorrow you kneel, Castiel, or you and anyone with you dies.

Crowley: The problem with the old place was most of the inmates were masochists already. A lot of "thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?"

Crowley: Just look at them. No one likes waiting in line.
Castiel: What happens when they reach the front?
Crowley: Nothing. They get right back to the end again. That's efficiency.

Castiel: What can I do besides submit or die?
Crowley: Submit or die? What are you, French?

Dean: You know who spies on people, Cas? Spies.

Castiel: If you touch the Winchesters...
Crowley: Please. I heard you the first time. I promise -- nary a hair on their artfully tousled heads. Besides, I think they've proven my point for me. It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end? We try to change. We try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who got to claw into our sides and-and hold us back. But you know what I see here? The new God [pointing at Castiel] and the new Devil, working together.
Castiel: Enough! Stop talking. And get out of my sight.
Crowley: Well... Glad I came. You're welcome, by the way. You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?

Castiel: You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will...
Dean: You're a freaking child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want, doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.

Crowley: Castiel you got what they call 'sex appeal'
Castiel: Thank you

Let it Bleed [6.21][edit]

Bobby: Our pal, Cas, didn't stop in last night just to mend fences.
Dean: What did he do?
Bobby: Stole something.
Dean: What?
Bobby: The journal of one Moishe Campbell.
Sam: Moishe?
Bobby: Of the New York Campbells.
Sam: Wha- uh... So we gotta get it back. Right?
Bobby: Or just read the copy I already made. Hi, glad to meet you. Bobby Singer: paranoid bastard.

Dean: Who's this Phillips guy?
Bobby: Phillips ain't his last name. It's Lovecraft.
Sam: H.P. Lovecraft? Let me see that.
Dean: Am I supposed to know who that is?
Sam: Horror writer? "At the Mountains of Madness"? "The Call of Cthulu"?
Dean: Yeah, no I was too busy having sex with women.

Crowley: God, how long's it been, Dean? Since my so-called demise, yes?
Dean: Crowley. Let them go now, or I swear-
Crowley: Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.

Castiel: You are not to harm them, do you understand me?
Crowley: You know what? You're maxed out on putting humans out of bounds.

Dean: I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth.
Castiel: I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?
Dean: Cas, I just can't.
Castiel: Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend, still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats. I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing.
Dean: Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?
Castiel: I've earned that Dean.

Balthazar: I know I'm going to live to regret this, but... I'm officially... on your team. You bastards.
Dean: And we should believe you why?
Balthazar: Would you believe I had a shred of decency?
Sam: No.
Balthazar: Aww. That hurts. Okay you're right.

Sam: Dean, you know you have pulled some shady crap before but this... has got to be the worst. Whitewashing their memories? Take it somebody who knows-
Dean: You ever mention Lisa or Ben to me again I will break your nose.
Sam: Dean-
Dean: (near tears) I'm not kidding.

The Man Who Knew Too Much [6.22][edit]

Bartender: So, where do we start?
Sam: Uh, ground floor, corner room, nearest to the fire escape. That's the one I'd pick, quickest getaway.
Bartender: And why do you know that?

Castiel: Rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam. But only if you stand down.
Dean: Save Sam from what? (Cas appears behind Sam and knocks him out with a touch.)

Dean: I can't just sit here, Bobby, I have got to help him.
Bobby: Dean...
Dean: Dreamscape his noggin, something.
Bobby: You know what Cas did. The dam inside your brother's head is gone, and all hell's spilling loose. We don't know what's going on inside there.
Dean: I don't care.

Soulless Sam: My God. Am I really that gawky?

Sam: This is impossible.
Soulless Sam: Cold. Try again.
Sam: I'm a... I'm hallucinating.
Soulless Sam: Warmer. But see, normally, you're awake when you're tripping balls.
Sam: I'm dreaming?
Soulless Sam: And someone just won a copy of the home game. We're inside your grapefruit Sam. Son, you've been juiced.
Sam: I-I don't remember anything.
Soulless Sam: Well, your BFF Cas brought the hell-wall tumbling down, and you, pathetic infant that you are, shattered into pieces.

Soulless Sam: You think I'm bad. Wait 'til you meet the other one.

Balthazar: Well at least you mudfish finally got the angel-proofing right. (points at Sam) How's sleeping beauty? You didn't steal any kisses, I trust.

Castiel: I'm renegotiating our terms.
Crowley: Is that so? What terms do you propose?
Castiel: You get nothing. Not one single soul.
Crowley: Kind of noticed, it seems a bit unfairly weighted.

Sam: Hey. HEY!
Tortured Sam: Oh, hi Sam.
Sam: So. Which one are you?
Tortured Sam: Don't you know? (stands up to show his face, which is harrowed.) I'm the one that remembers Hell.

Tortured Sam: I wish you hadn't come, Sam.
Sam: I had to. I'm here, right? Out there in the real world, I'm at Bobby's, aren't I?
Tortured Sam: How do you know?
Sam: This whole time, I've smelled nothing but Old Spice and whiskey. Figured if I could get back here, back to my body I could, I don't know, I could snap out of it somehow.
Tortured Sam: First you have to go through me.
Sam: Why?
Tortured Sam: Humpty-dumpty has to put himself back together again before you wake up. And I'm the last piece.
Sam: Which means I have to know what you know. What happened in the cage?
Tortured Sam: Trust me. You don't want to know it.
Sam: You're right. But I still have to
Tortured Sam: Sam, you can't imagine... Stay here. Go back, find that bartender, go find Jess, but don't do this. I know you. You're not strong enough.
Sam: We'll just have to see
Tortured Sam: Why is this so important to you?
Sam: You know me. You know why. I'm not leaving my brother alone out there.
Tortured Sam: (picks up a knife and holds it out to Sam) I'm not gonna fight you. But this is your last chance. (Sam takes the knife.) Good luck. You're gonna need it. (Sam stabs him, absorbing his memories.)

Crowley: (After the spell fails) Mm-hmm. Maybe I said it wrong.
Castiel: You said it perfectly. But what you needed was this (holds up real blood jar.)
Crowley: I see. And we've been working with (tastes it) dog blood. Naturally.
Raphael: Enough of these games, Castiel. Give us the blood.
Crowley: You... Game's over. His jar's empty. So, Castiel, how did your ritual go? Better than ours, I'll bet.

Castiel: You can't imagine what it's like. They are all inside me, Millions upon millions of souls.
Crowley: Sounds sexy. Exit stage Crowley. (Crowley disappears)

Castiel: You're not my family, Dean. I have no family.

Castiel: The angel blade won't work. Because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down, and profess your love unto me, your Lord, or I shall destroy you.

Season 7[edit]

Meet The New Boss [7.01][edit]

Castiel: Once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me.

Sam: What new boss?
Crowley: Castiel, you giraffe.
Bobby: Is your boss?
Crowley: He's everybody's boss! What do you think he's going to do when he finds out we've been conspiring? You do... want to conspire, don't you?
Bobby: No, we want you to just stand there and look pretty.

Dean: Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Death: Please, Cas. I know God, and you, sir, are no God.

Death: (to Cas) Stupid little soldier you are.
Death: Annoying little Protozoa, aren't they?

Hello, Cruel World [7.02][edit]

Bobby: Course. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother's in the bell jar, and purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but you know, yeah, I get it. You're fine.

Bobby: Either Sheriff Mills is having an ObamaCare insured opium dream, or something's eating folks down at Sioux Falls General Hospital.

Sheriff Jodie Mills: Bobby Singer - my hero!
Bobby: That's the roofies talking

Dean: You cannot be in that crater back there. I can't… If you're gone, I swear I am gonna strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I'm gonna drive us off the pier.

Dean: That’s 12 hours straight. I’m calling that rested. Here - hydrate and, um, protein-ate.
Sam: Breakfast in bed.
Dean: Don’t get used to it.

Bobby: Course. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother's in the bell jar, and purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but you know, yeah, I get it. You're fine.

Mrs Hackett: Did you know a study showed that 3/4 of doctors cheat on their exams? He might not know your appendix from your vagina.

Dean: If you think I'm leaving you here alone...
Bobby: Hey, what am I, chopped brains on toast?

Edgar: Why can't they scream?
Dr Gaines: Oh, I severed their vocal chords, of course. It was a delicate procedure, but very doable.

Dean: I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. Believe in that. Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You've gotta make it stone number one and build on it.

The Girl Next Door [7.03][edit]

Dean: Where's the pie?
Sam: You got cake. That's close enough, right?

Young Amy: All the coolest people are freaks.

Dean: (after punching Sam for taking the Impala) New rule, you steal my baby, you get punched! What the hell were you thinking Sam! Running off like that! For all I know Satan could've been callin' your plays.

Young Sam: We're always on the road...I've seen the world's biggest Ball of Twine twice.
Young Amy: Three times! Not that big.
Young Sam: Right?

Young Sam: That's my dad and brother in the Impala. You're a monster.
Young Amy: You're a hunter. So you're supposed to kill me? And I'm supposed to kill you?

Leviathan: Plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese.

Sam: Look I see the way you look at me Dean - like I'm a grenade and you're waiting for me to go off.
Dean: Sam...
Sam: I'm not going off. Look I might be a freak but that's not the same as dangerous.

Defending Your Life [7.04][edit]

Sam: (about the EMF meter) It's going crazy. Some kind of ghost maybe?
Dean: With a license? A license to kill!

Sam: Objection!
Osiris: Grounds?
Sam: Witnesses being called without prior notice.
Dean: Good one!
Sam: I saw it on The Good Wife

Dean: Wait a second, do dogs even have ghosts?

Osiris: Don’t you think that your brother dragged you back into that catastrophic mess because he’d rather damn you with him than be alone?

Jo: He was right about one thing, you know.
Dean: What, your massive crush on me?
Jo: (smiling) Shut up. You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to Dean. Kind of gets clearer when you're dead.
Dean: Well in that case you should able to see I am 90% crap. I get rid of that, what then?
Jo: You really want to die not knowing?

Jo: You know, I'd never do this.
Dean: I know.
Jo: I guess it's his thing. Some kind of twisted eye for an eye.
Dean: Its okay.
Jo: No, it's not. You deserved better.
Dean: No, you did. You deserved better Jo.

Jo: Dean, my life was good. Really.
Dean: He was right you know, that dick judge - about me.
Jo: No, he wasn't.
Dean: You were a kid.
Jo: Not true.
Dean: You and Sam. And I just, you know... Hunters are never kids. I never was. I didn't stop to think about it.
Jo: It's not your fault. It wasn't on you.
Dean: No, but I didn't want to do it alone. Who does? The right thing would have been to send your ass back home to your mom.

Shut Up, Dr. Phil [7.05][edit]

Dean: You might see things different now, call it a runner’s high or something. But that doesn’t mean something is going on with me. Okay?
Sam: Yeah, okay.
Dean: No, don’t say 'yeah, okay', like [mocks him] 'Yeah, okay'.
Sam: Yeah, okay.

Dean: It's kind of like Bewitched. Don's Darrin, doesn't even know it, lots of laughs until you cheat on your wife
Sam: A Bewitched reference. Really?
Dean: Hey, Nicole Kidman was in the remake. Redhead, hello!

Dean: That means we've got not just one pissed off witch, but two. It's full on War of the Roses.

Don Stark: Does 1492 ring any bells?
Maggie Stark: The man was about to set sail! He could possibly fall of the edge of the Earth! I took pity. So?

Don: I told you! Nothing happened with the Medici chick!

Slash Fiction [7.06][edit]

Frank Devereaux: Well I'll be darned. Psycho Butch and Sundance.

Dean: Nobody puts baby in a corner!
Sam: You know that's a line from...
Dean: Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!

Leviathan Dean: (talking about a burger) You know, he has one of these every day? And in his heart, he thinks they're almost as good as sex. This? (gesturing with the burger) Is disgusting.
Leviathan Sam: (pushing away his own plate) Dead plants with creamy goo. It's like eating self-righteousness.

Leviathan Sam: You know I had a brother with this many issues once.
Leviathan Dean: Yeah?
Leviathan Sam: You know what I did?
Leviathan Dean: Mmm?
Leviathan Sam: I ate him.
Leviathan Dean: Of course you did.

Leviathan Sam: Idea: you want to trade? I mean, I'll take "Chuckles" over "Schizo".
Leviathan Dean: No, I like this one's hair better. You can stay in the big one.

The Mentalists [7.07][edit]

Waiter: (to Dean) You're a virile manifestation of the divine.

Sam: He broke my spoon.

Museum Curator: I'm sorry I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you, pardon me, if you don't tell someone how bad it really is? She'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again, eventually

Season Seven, Time for a Wedding! [7.08][edit]

Garth: He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me.

Crowley: I have one rule: make a deal, keep it.
Guy: Well technically, I didn't...
Crowley: There's a reason we don't call our chips in early: consumer confidence. This isn’t Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity. If this gets out, who'll deal with us? Nobody! Then, where are we?
Guy: I don't know.
Crowley: That's right, you don't, because you're a stupid, short-sighted little prat. Now, hand the jackass over, I'll cancel every deal he's made.
Dean: What are you going to do with him?
Crowley: Make an example of him.

How to Win Friends And Influence Monsters [7.09][edit]

Brandon: Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird. TDK Slammer to Ken Doll. And a little Heart Smart for Creepy Uncle.

Bobby: You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.

Dean: I think you pissed off my sandwich.

Dean: Remember when Crowley kept going on about hating Dick? *brief pause* well, I thought he was just being general.

Sam: Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a Pumpkinhead...and is currently turning Dean into an idiot.
Dean: I'm right here, right here

Sam: So you think [Dean]'s okay?
Bobby: Yeah, he's alright
Sam: Good. So... you don't worry about him?
Bobby: You mean before the turducken?
Sam: Yeah. I kinda mean, well, like ever since my head broke, and we lost Cas. You ever feel like he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, ya know?
Bobby: How could he be?

Death's Door [7.10][edit]

Bobby's Mom: Why do you always provoke him?
Bobby's Dad: Because he's a bad kid, that's why.
Bobby: Well, that's a load of crap! Who the hell were you to say?
Bobby's Dad: I'm your father, and you show your father respect.
Bobby: The day he deserves it, you drunken bully! Punching women and kids, is that what they called "fatherhood" in your day?!
Bobby's Dad: You deserved it, believe me, you were nothing but ungrateful.
Bobby: I was a kid! Kids ain't supposed to be grateful! They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick! You died, and I was still so afraid I'd turn into you, I never even had kids of my own!
Bobby's Dad: Good. You break everything you touch.
Bobby: ... uh-huh; well, as fate would have it, I adopted two boys and they grew up great. They grew up heroes! So you can go to hell!

Karen: You were expecting Farrah Fawcett?
Bobby: No, she always calls first.

Sam: *two dvds, one of Chuck Norris and Jet Li come into focus* I'm just saying, look, you can't really compare.
Dean: I don't even know you right now. There's not even a contest.
Sam: It depends on the criteria.
Dean: Survival is the only criteria. All right, and when the crap hits the fan, it's not about who has skill. It's about who's the bigger bad ass. *looks over at Bobby* Bobby, will you please tell Sam that Chuck Norris could kick Jet Li's ass. *continues to look at Bobby, who is still not with it, Sam looks on as well* *to Bobby, like nothing's wrong* Could you grab me a beer while you're in there?

Reaper: Bobby... you've helped. You got handed a small, unremarkable life, and you did something with it. Most men like you die of liver disease, watching Barney Miller reruns. You've done enough. Believe me.
Bobby: I don't care.
Reaper: Why?
Bobby: Because they're my boys.

Reaper: This is your last chance to come with me, and move on. For your own good, Bobby, let go... they'll be okay without you.
Bobby: Last memory, huh? Glad I saved the best for last.

Dean: Alright scoot, jerkface, show your elders some respect.
Sam: You scoot, asshat. *tosses popcorn at Dean*
Dean: Did we get licorice?
Sam: No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
Dean: I'm sorry, I-I didn't quite understand that, uh Mr. Peanut Butter-and-Banana-Sandwiches?
Sam: You know what, I stand by that sandwich! Nobody likes licorice, it-it's made of dirt!
Dean: It is a classic movie food! It's right up there with popcorn!
Sam: Popcorn, really?
Dean: Yes!
Sam: You're outta your mind!
Dean: What, it's like little chewy pieces of heaven!
Sam: Chewy pieces of heaven if you're a girl!
Bobby: [watches as Dean and Sam fade away]
Reaper: Well, Bobby? Stay or go, what's it gonna be?

Adventures in Babysitting [7.11][edit]

Frank: Sure you're not a Leviathan. Dick Roman's not a Leviathan. Gwyneth Paltrow's not a Leviathan...

Frank: You think it's this easy to see inside what's real, and also be bi-polar with delusional ideation. There's no pill for my situation sweetie-pop, so yeah the big mouths are onto me. Next question!

Dean: What was she doing?
Frank: Being a naughty, bossy little girl.
Dean: I'd hate to ask for that in the non-porno version.

Dean: I'm not gonna quit. That's not even an option. I'm not gonna walk out on my brother.
Frank: Okay then, fine. Do what I did.
Dean: What - go native? Stock up on C-rations?
Frank: No, cupcake. What I did when I was 26 and came home to find my wife and two kids gutted on the floor. Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week.
Dean: So, fake it?
Frank: I call it being professional. Do it right, with a smile, or don't do it.

Frank: Did I mention you look awful?
Dean: Yes, maybe because someone I cared about just got shot in the head. And this is like shoving a rock up a hill. And...screw you.

Dean: You could too, you know. Go to college. Be a hunter slash pediatrician.

Krissy: What century is this? No one fist bumps anymore.
Dean: C'mon. Give it up!
Krissy: You're a dweeb

Lee: Ever know anyone who left the life?
Dean: No - they all get killed first.

Time After Time [7.12][edit]

Sam: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I hope you're watching cartoon smut, because reading Dick Roman crap over and over again is just self punishment.
Dean: It's called anime. And it's an art form.

Sam: What, you going to look at more anime or are you strictly into Dick now?

Dean: Does this mean that I'm an Untouchable now?

Sam: What's the plan here?
Dean: Don't die.

Dean: How does paper beat a rock? It's stupid.

Eliot: Why do you think I went after Capone in the first place? Guy made the best hooch in Chicago.

Eliot: Let's go kill that bastard. Because that...
Dean: (Imitating Sean Connery) Is the Chicago way.
Ezra: Chicago way?
Eliot: Who the hell talks like that?
Dean: Sean Connery.

Ezra: So what bucket of syrup did you two idjits step into?

Eliot: Boo hoo, cry me a river, ya nancy! Tell me, are all hunters as soft as you in the future?

Eliot: So enjoy it while it lasts, kid, 'cause hunting's the only clarity you're gonna find in this life. And that makes you luckier than most.

Chronos You want to know your future? I know your future. It's covered in thick black ooze. It's everywhere. They're everywhere. Enjoy oblivion.

Sheriff Mills: Do I have to use my mom voice...(sleepy sam see his name in the wall)...Alright you asked for it Young Man

The Slice Girls [7.13][edit]

Dean: Anyway, I--I left the flask over here the other night.
Lydia: Yes, I found it. It was so beat up and old, I almost tossed it.
Dean: Yeah, well, the guy it belonged to was beat-up and old, too. But I was very close with him and I'd hate to lose it.

Dean: I'll admit, it could be in the general vicinity of the ballpark of our kind of thing.
Sam: Yeah, uh, "didn't match anything human" usually seals the deal for me.

Dean: I know Bobby's got a Grecian encyclopedia of weird in here. I saw it last time I was looking through this stupid... Would it kill him to have a system?
Sam: He has a system. His files are set up like his brain.

Morrison: Wherever did you get it?
Sam: Uh, uh, uh crazy drunk old genius.
Morrison: Yeah, they always have the good stuff.

Emma: You're a good man. My mother told me that.
Dean: I seriously doubt she said that. And if you knew me you would seriously doubt it's true.

Dean: You're just as screwed up as I am, you're just...bigger.

Sam: Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't -- don't get killed.
Dean: I'll do what I can.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie [7.14][edit]

Sam: So, we got dick on Dick?
Dean: That's a vivid way of putting it.

Dean: Hey, you spawn a monster baby and see how quick you want to dive back in the pool.

Dean: So what are we looking for? Octovamp? Vamptopus?

Cliff: If this is about the meth lab that fireballed up in Butte, it wasn't me. Okay, it was my brother, but, um, we got the same fingerprints.

[Sam pulls up to where Dean is waiting and gets out of the car, soaking wet and covered with glitter.]
Sam: [trying to be nonchalant] Hey. We ready? [off Dean's look, he sighs and spreads his arms] Okay, just say it.
Dean: [cracking up] I'm sorry, you look like you got attacked by some PCP-crazed strippers.

Dean: [trying to contain his laughter] Sam, I'm sorry for psychologically scarring you.
Sam: Which time?
Dean: No, I mean it. Leaving you there on your own, that was a dick move.
Sam: You know what? I actually feel pretty good about it. Getting my ass kicked by those juggalos was therapeutic.
Dean: You faced your fears.
Sam: And now what more could a clown possibly do to me?

Dean: You scared of robots?
Tyler: (points to his eyes) They have laser eyes!

Sam: If it bleeds, you can kill it.

Dean: You mainlined the Kool-Aid, huh?

Dean: Shark week man. How do you not watch that? Whole week of sharks!

Repo Man [7.15][edit]

Dean's Voicemail: Leave your name, number and nightmare at the tone.
Hallucifer: Oh well, that's every cell phone Dean's got. One of them should have picked up, right. Big brother's probably dead.
Sam: Shut up.
Hallucifer: He said "shut up" to me.

Dean: He was a psychopath, Sam. That's what they do all the time is act. Act like they're normal. Act like they're not balls to the wall crazy.

Hallucifer: That's what I'm talking about, Sam! Real interaction again, I miss that! The rapier wit - the wittier rape - come on, I'll be good, I'll even help you solve your little Nancy Drew mystery or whatever.

Sam: A demon summoning; why?
Hallucifer: Why? To summon a demon, jackass.

Jeffrey: I was a wreck, an emotional shell, a drunk. I was suicidal.
Dean: I don't usually endorse suicide, but, man, what stopped you?

Hallucifer: Come on Sam, say it with me now...goooood morning Vietnam!

Out With the Old [7.16][edit]

Dean: Dancers. They are toe shoes full of crazy.
Sam: And you would know this how?
Dean: I saw Black Swan. Twice. Hot tutu-on-tutu action. Come on, Sam, what's wrong with you?
Sam: Wow. The depths of your...

Sam: (about the ballet shoes) Do they... look like they're... your size?
Dean: Shut up.

Sam: Wait, a-are you –
Dean: Getting the strong urge to Prince Siegfried myself into oblivion? Yes.
Sam: You really did see "Black Swan."

Dean: You know, I wonder how old porn kills you.
Sam: Pretty sure you don't want to know.

Dean: Frank, hey, I don't mean to double-dip in your crazy sauce. No offense.
Frank: None taken, Fudge Pop.
Dean: Think you can crack it?
Frank: Can a dog play poker?
Dean: I don't...
Frank: The answer is "yes."

Sam: Hey, with enough curse mojo you can turn a freaking pencil into a weapon of mass destruction.

George: How 'bout you make me a new one?
Barista: How 'bout you eat me?
George: Don't tempt me.

Frank: Call me if you don't die.

Dean: Could be a dead end.But I hear they have good coffee in Portland.
Sam: Dude, that's Seattle.

The Born-Again Identity [7.17][edit]

Hallucifer: Tell the nice tweaker you’d be sleeping right now if the devil would leave you alone...

Dean: How are you feeling?
Sam: (Chuckling) Maybe you should cancel my UFC fight.
Hallucifer: Yeah. Keep that sense of humor, Sam. It’ll get you through this.
Dean: Sam, I’m gonna find you help.
Hallucifer: (Scoffs lightly) Now, that sounded a little cynical.
Sam: I don’t think it’s out there, Dean.
Dean: We don’t know that.
Sam: We know better than most. It’s all snake oil. Last faith healer we hooked up with had a reaper on a leash.Remember?
Dean: (Sighs) Yeah…Sam, I remember.
Sam: I’m just saying…
Dean: What? That you don’t want my help?
Sam: No, I’m just saying (sighs) Don’t do this to yourself.
Dean: If I don't find something...
Sam: Then I'll die.
Hallucifer: Oh - you're upsetting me!
Sam: Dean, we knew this was coming.
Dean: No...
Sam: When you shoved my soul back in, Cas warned you about all the crap it would...
Dean: Screw Cass. Quit being Dalai-friggin-Yoda about this. Get pissed!
Sam: I'm too tired.

Emmanuel/Castiel: You’re angry.
Dean: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother’s head.
Emmanuel/Castiel: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?
Dean: Yeah, well, he’s gone.

Dean: What Cass did…I just can’t – I don’t know why.
Emmanuel/Castiel: Well, it doesn’t matter why.
Dean: Of course it matters.
Emmanuel/Castiel: No. You’re not a machine, Dean. You’re human.

Emmanuel/Castiel: Your friend's name was Cas? That's an odd name.

Marin: I saw you yesterday, you didn’t look too happy with your in flight meal.

Sam: [to Marin; Lucifer blows through the salt circle] You're gonna have to do this on your own. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just having a little...
Lucifer: Brown acid moment.
Sam: ...dizzy thing. It'll pass.
Lucifer: Definitely. When your heart stops.

Meg: You're an angel.
Emmanuel/Castiel: I'm sorry - is that a flirtation?

Meg: He would know. You used to fight together. Bestest friends actually.
Emmanuel/Castiel: We were friends? Am I Cass?

Dean: This ain’t going to go well.
Meg: I dunno, I believe in the little tree topper.

Castiel: I remember you. I remember everything. What I did. What I became. Why didn’t you tell me?
Dean: Because Sam is dying in there.
Castiel: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn’t be here.

Castiel: We didn’t part friends, Dean.
Dean: So what?
Castiel: I deserved to die. Now, I can’t possibly fix it…So why did I even walk out of that river?
Dean: Maybe to fix it.

Castiel: I should never have broken your wall, Sam. I’m here to make it right. (touches Sam's head, Sam groans in pain)
Sam: (Looking at Castiel, while seeing him as a hallucination of Lucifer) You're not real.
Castiel: I'm so sorry Sam.

Dean: What the hell do you mean you can’t?
Castiel: I mean there’s nothing left to rebuild.
Dean: Why not?
Castiel: Because it crumbled. The pieces got crushed to dust by whatever’s happening inside his head right now.
Dean: So you’re saying there’s nothing? That he’s gonna be like this until his candle blows out?
Castiel: I’m sorry. This isn’t a problem I can make disappear. And you know that. But I may be able to shift it. Shift? Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet. (Exhales sharply) It’s better this way. I’ll be fine.
Dean: Wait, Cass, what are you doing?
Castiel: Now, Sam… This may hurt. And if I can’t tell you again… I’m sorry I ever did this to you.

Party On, Garth [7.18][edit]

Garth: Alright Jenny G, your ganking days are over. You've been Garthed.

Garth: No, how is that possible? I Garthed her!

Sam: I wish I wasn't like the damn tape from The Ring; I wish I wasn't okay because I passed on the crazy.

Sam: Have either of you ever heard of Thighslapper Ale?
Garth: Is that a stripper or a beverage?

Garth: Can I have some more Thighslapper?
Sam: No!
Dean: No - coffee for you Tara Reid.

Dean: Wow, party on, Garth.
Garth: I don't even usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception - especially when I skinny dip.

Garth: I'm concerned Bobby might be haunting you guys. I brought it up with Dean but he shot me down.
Dean: Garth, leave it alone.
Sam: It's okay.
Dean: No, it's far from okay.
Sam: I already tried contacting Bobby-when that beer disappeared, I took out a talking board.
Dean: Without me?
Sam: I figured why drag you in, when it was something I could just put to bed myself.
Dean: And?
Sam: And if he was there, I'd have told you.

Sam: Can you even get drunk anymore? It's sort of like drinking a vitamin for you, right?
Dean: Shut up.

Garth: Come with me if you want to live.

Sam: They see a face in the crowd, we see a book falling off the table-same thing, Dean. I did the talking board, I ran plenty of EMF. When that beer went poof, I went a little nuts.
Dean: Yeah, why didn't you tell me?
Sam: Like I said, a little nuts at the time.

Bobby: I'm right here, ya idjit! Balls!

Garth: Cause Mr. Fizzles thinks that you're (deep voice) lying!
Dean: Put Mr. Fizzles away or Mr. Fizzles gonna go where the sun don't shine!
Tess: (suddenly) I drank a grown up drink!
Dean: What you mean like coffee?
Tess: (shakes her head)
Dean: (confused) Alcohol?
Tess: (starts panicking) It was an accident! Help me Mr. Fizzles! Don't let them take me away!

Of Grave Importance [7.19][edit]

Sam: You know she and Bobby had a thing, right?
Dean: Yeah, I knew that.....Really?
Sam: Yeah, kind of a foxhole thing. Very Hemingway.
Dean: Huh. She and I kinda went Hemingway this one time too.
Sam: Alright...well, that happens...
Dean: Wait, you too?
Sam: It was a while back. We ended up on the same case. She was stressed and I ...didn't have a soul.
Dean: That's a lot of foxholes.

Annie: Wow. Dead. Ghost. Me. Three words you never want to use in a sentence.

Bobby: All right now. I can kill werewolves, fix a Pinto and bake cornbread. I will be damned if I can't get Zen!

Dean: I hate these indie films. Nothing ever happens.

Bobby: Hi. I'm Bobby. I'm a ghost. Looking for a little ghost orientation here?

Dean: Dick Roman is funding another archaeological dig. Guy moves more dirt than "The Drudge Report."

Bobby: We've got work to do.

Bobby: Hey boys.
Dean: [hoarsely] Bobby?
Bobby: [surprised] wait...you can see me?

Bobby: Life wasn't comfy. Why should death be?

Sam: So what do you think we should do?
Dean: We did what we should do. Now, I don't know.
Sam: I mean...do you think it's possible we can...I don't know, make it all work somehow?
Dean: I have no idea. Maybe? I've never heard of it. But you know what I do know? It ain’t the natural order of things. Everything is supposed to end. You know, he was supposed to...Now, what are the odds this ends well? What are the odds?

The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo [7.20][edit]

Bobby: I got a glimpse at Dick's big plan, right before he Lincoln'ed me.

Bobby: This is about those Levi's living here one percenter style

Computer: How about a nice game of chess?
Charlie: Seriously? Wargames?

Charlie: Dick Roman gave me an assignment
Harry: Is that good?
Charlie: It means the Eye of Sauron is on me.
Harry: Well, if you need anything I'll be back in the Shire.

Dean: I'm going to walk you through this.
Charlie: Okay.
Dean: Let's start with a smile. Relax, Charlie, you just got home and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you.
Guard: Can I help you, miss?
Charlie: Hey...Bill. Charlie from IT.
Guard: Oh, burning the midnight oil, huh?
Charlie: Just like you. I mean, you're not at the gym. What do you...work out with all of your free time?
Guard: I try to get to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to get back to my fightin' weight.
Dean: [to Charlie] It shows, you look amazing. [to Sam] This never happened.
Charlie: It shows, you look amazing.
Dean: You ever do anything else with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? [Sam laughs]
Dean: [to Sam] Stop laughing, Sammy.
Charlie: You ever do anything with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? Stop laughing Sammy [realizes]...Um, you don't know that bar, 'Stop laughing Sammy'. That place is bringing sexy back. Which is easy because they kept the receipt...
Dean: Stop talking, Charlie.
Charlie: Stop talking Charlie...right.

Dean: Perfect, it's in the middle of the Death Star.

Dean: Charlie are you singing?
Charlie: I sing when I'm nervous; don't judge me!
Dean: Judgement free zone.

Sam: Who's your favorite Harry Potter character?
Charlie: Hermione.
Sam: Hermione. Well did Hermione run when Sirius Black was in trouble? Or when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts?
Dean: Seriously?
Sam: Shut up.
Charlie:No of course not.
Sam: What did she do?
Charlie: She kicked ass! She practically saves Harry in every book. And then she ends up with the wrong...
Sam: Stay on track. She kicked ass, right? So what are you going to do?
Charlie: Kick it in the ass!

Charlie: If you can't score at a reproductive rights function, then you simply cannot score.

Dick: You're kind of completing me right now Charlie. You have that thing, that spark that makes humans so special. Not everyone has it you know. Most people can be replaced, but people like you are impossible to copy.

Dick: Bruce Springsteen, Eli Manning and our own little Charlie? You know what they are? Irreplaceable. You're more of a Tim Tebow, Joe Biden type. You got no spark. In fact there's nothing in you. Except Harold's dinner.

Charlie: I'm going to die. [sigh] I should've taken that job at Google.

Charlie:These things are going to eat everyone I know. What kind of docuhebag stands by for that.

Charlie: Why didn't you kill him?
Sam: Because we can't - yet.
Charlie: The really evil ones always need a special sword.

Charlie: I left your dumb flask in the back seat by the way, worst good luck charm ever!
Dean: [hands her bag]Here you go.
Charlie:Thanks.
Sam: So listen, we can't thank you enough...
Charlie: Actually you can. Never contact me again...like ever. Deal?
Sam: Deal.
Dean: Keep your head down there okay?
Charlie: This ain't the first time I disappeared. [Sam and Dean give her a confused look]
Charlie: You think my name is really Charlie Bradbury? Please. So...good luck saving the world. Peace out, Bitches. [leaves]

Dean: She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted.
Sam: We've got to talk.
Dean: You mean before we get back to the car, and the flask?
Sam: Exactly. So what the hell happened back in the lobby?
Dean: Man, if I had a free shot, I would have bitch slapped the hell out of Dick.
Sam: Yeah but, I mean, Charlie got her friggen arm broken.
Dean: He didn't mean to do it.
Sam: Exactly. He's not in control. Not about Dick. That was vengeful spirit crap.
Dean: I know. But it's still Bobby.
Sam: But if he goes there, he won't be anymore. And then we won't be able to pull him back. And then what are we suppose to do?
Dean: I know... Let's just figure out what that thing we stole is...and then we'll figure out what the hell to do with Bobby.

Reading is Fundemental [7.21][edit]

Edgar: [getting off the phone with Dick Roman] Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called "Dick?"

Meg:He's been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up. Totally useless.
Castiel: Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful.
Meg: We've been over this. I don't like poetry. Put up or shut up.

Castiel: I don't fight any more. I watch the bees.

[Meg kills Hester as she tries to kill Castiel. Everyone stares at her]
Meg: What? Someone had to.

Sam: It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen angel.
Castiel: Well, you know me. Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters. (fills up vial with his blood)

Castiel: Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact that females were not consulted about that.

Dean: So - you can read the chicken scratch on the God rock? It's back in one piece I see. And you're saying there's a how to punch Dick recipe in there somewhere?
Kevin: I don't know what you're saying, but it seems like a "in case of emergency" note.

Castiel: We were assigned to watch the Earth. Often it was boring. Your wars were very boring. Sex... repetition.

Kevin: This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
Dean: No this is not a sex torture dungeon...Get over here.

Castiel: You seem troubled. Course that's a primary aspect of your personality so I sometimes ignore it.

Hester: The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!

Castiel: This is the handwriting of Metatron.
Sam: Metatron?!? You're saying a Transformer wrote that?
Dean: No, that's Megatron.
Sam: What?
Dean: The Transformer, it's Megatron.
Sam: What?

There Will Be Blood [7.22][edit]

Gloria Jane: In this hour we'll go behind the scenes and answer the question everyone's been asking for months. What makes Dick so hard to beat?

Emily: What's a Kardashian?
Dean: Just another bloodsucker.

Dean: I think anyway you slice it we've got Pac Man and True Blood in the same room.

Alpha Vampire: We come from you.
Edgar: Barely.
Alpha Vampire: I am the son of Eve!
Edgar: A pathetic mutt! Hardly one of us. I knew Eve... and honestly, your mommy was a whore.

Alpha Vampire: Right, right, your flesh is crawling. All you want to do is kill me now. You hate having to wait and come back, and try again...
Dean: Pretty much. I wouldn't leave that head to close to that body for too long.
Alpha Vampire: See you next season.
Dean: Looking forward to it.

Dean: A little FYI. Bobby's officing out of the john these days.
Sam: Ahh - awkward.

Emily: What is that?
Dean: That - that is Sam's douche tracker.

Dean: Alright Sam - tap the keg.
Sam: Here?
Dean: Yeah Sam, look around; it's freaking Woodstock, everyone's hopped up on the brown acid. We don't need the song and dance. Give him a little prick.

Sam: Could've been a monastery. Monks get up at 4am to pray.
Dean: Ohh - Can't get laid, can't sleep in. That's a freaking tragedy... Okay, so alpha's camping next to a monkey house

Edgar: Mankind's a limited resource, after all.
Alpha Vampire: There are seven billion of them.
Edgar: Only seven.

Sam: But Dean, we gave up all our Vamptonite.

Dean: Okay man I have read this more times than the Playboy I found in Dad's duffle.
Sam: Anna Nicole?
Dean: Anna Nicole. Ah, the good they die young, huh?

Emily: What now:
Dean: We get you somewhere safe, circle back and ginsu these leeches.

Dean: I can't do this. man I can't live on rabbit food. I'm a warrior!

Dean: Wow you get a trophy in Stockholm Syndrome.

Survival of the Fittest [7.23][edit]

Sam: We should call Castiel.
Dean: Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
Sam: Yeah, I am not really sorry I missed that.

Meg: [to Dean about Castiel] Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.

[Sam and Dean prepare to burn Bobby's flask to put him to rest]
Bobby: Here's to running into you guys on the other side. Only... not too soon alright?
[Dean sadly throws the flask into a fire and he and Sam watch as Bobby burns up as the flask melts]

Dean: [to Dick while waving the bone around] See here's the thing about dealing with Crowley: he will always find a way to bone you.

[Dean stabs Dick in the heart to no avail. Dick pulls out and breaks the bone]
Dick: Did you really think you could trump me?
Dean: Honestly? [pulls out other half of bone] No. [Castiel holds Dick's head in place from behind and Dean stabs him through the neck] Figured we'd have to catch you off-guard!
[as energy waves emerge from him, Dick starts laughing before finally exploding into black goo]

Crowley: You know what I like about you?
Dick: Lack of pretension?
Crowley: You're smarter than you look.
Dick: Oh now you're just flirting.

Dean: Well, I guess if we can't find a righteous bone in a friggin' nunnery crypt.
Sam: All right. Here – listen to this. Sister Mary Benedict, uh, taught the learning-impaired and died at age 23.
Dean:Eh, it's a little young. Find someone who's had time to cook.
Sam: Okay, well, there was, uh... here – Sister Mary Eunice. Uh, fed the poor, became Mother Superior at age 60.
Dean: Sounds political. Power corrupts.
Sam: Right. Um... listen to this – Sister Mary Constant, 83 years of quiet, humble nun-like goodness. What do you think?
Dean: Wow. I want to be more righteous just reading this.
Sam: Exactly.
Dean: All right, well, I lay odds on her. Here we go. Well... let's bone this nun.
[Sam gives him a look]
Dean: Sorry.

Dick: We need America. They're so fat.

Dean: So, Cas, what's, uh, what's, uh, what’s the word?
Castiel: Well, Dean, I've been thinking. Monkeys are so... clever, and they're sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
Dean: Not very. You want to come inside and, uh, tell us what's going on?
Castiel: Now, you understand I don't participate in aggressive activity. [picks up bone and sniffs it] Mm. Sister Mary Constant. Good choice.

Dick: Oh, eat up. The sushi's made of fresh orphan.

Castiel: So, can I ask, the plan?
Dean: Well, according to Crowley, Dick knows we're coming. So we're gonna announce ourselves, big.
[cut to the Impala crashing through SucroCorp's front gate and giant glass sign]

Meg: There goes the Empire's last hope.

Season 8[edit]

We Need to Talk About Kevin [8.01][edit]

Sam: Maybe we should split up. Ask around. See if anyone's seen him.
Dean: Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.

Kevin: What the hell happened to you guys?
Dean: Cliff Notes. I went to Purgatory. Sam hit a dog.

Crowley: Dean. Looking... well, let's just say Purgatory didn't do you any favors. Where's your angel?
Dean: Ask your mother.
Crowley: There's that grade-school zip. Missed it. I really did.

Channing: Kevin...what's going on?
Kevin: There is a demon in you and you're going to your safety school.
Channing: What?!?

Crowley: Chin up, gentlemen. I'm a professional.
Dean: This ain't over by a long shot, Crowley.
Crowley: Really, Dean? Who writes your stuff? A marshmallow?

Sam: Kevin, how you holding up?
Kevin: Awesome. The King of Hell just snapped my girlfriend's neck. How 'bout you?

What's Up, Tiger Mommy? [8.02][edit]

Dean: You smell it, Sammy?
Sam: Burning flesh?
Dean: Revenge. So close.

Beau: Oh, if you're worried about the safety of the Prophet, rest assured we have a strict "No casting. No cursing. No supernaturally flicking the two of you against the wall just for the fun of it" policy.

Crowley: If you're gonna to make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines.

Linda: [slaps Crowley] Stay away from my son!
Crowley: Charming. Defiling her corpse has just made number one on my to-do list.

Dean: Plan C tanked.
Crowley: Maybe you should try Plan "D for dumbass".

'Dean: [To Sam after he suggests to auction the Impala] You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!

Heartache [8.03][edit]

Dean: Wow. Guy goes to Purgatory for a year, all hell breaks loose. Check this out. Jogger in Minneapolis gets his heart ripped out.
Sam: I'm guessing literally.
Dean: Only way that interests me. And then, there's another article from six months ago. Same thing happens, also in Minneapolis. What's that tell us?
Sam: Stay out of Minneapolis!

Sam: Maybe you're best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody.
Dean: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff.

Bitten [8.04][edit]

Kate: Look. I mean, there's got to be an explanation for this.
Brian: Really?
Kate: It... was self-defense.
Brian: Eating a heart is self-defense?

Sam: Dude, two burgers?
Dean: Hey, I didn't eat at Big P's for at least a year, okay? Clear eyes and clogged arteries - Can't Lose.

Kate: (about Sam and Dean) First things first. Those guys... those guys aren't FBI, all right? I'm pretty sure that FBI agents don't say "awesome" that much, you know? And--and they definitely don't hunt and kill college kids.
Mike: Did--did they say anything else?
Brian: Dude, they just sat and talked about how they've been apart for a year. You were probably right about that whole office-romance thing.

Dean: Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Do I really say "awesome" a lot?

Blood Brother [8.05][edit]

Sam: Kid's like 'Rain Man'.
Dean: He's like a crappy little credit-card-counting criminal prodigy Rain Man.
Sam: Well, he was in Advanced Placement.
Dean: Shut up.

Castiel: It does present a curious curl in the metaphysics, doesn't it? If you murder a monster in monster heaven, where does it go?
Benny: And this is the crazy aunt I want to take on the road?
Castiel: I am not your aunt.
Benny: What? Really?
Castiel: I have no possible relationship to your sibling offspring.
Benny: Now you're kidding me.
Dean: Oh, you two are killing me.

Dean: Vampire pirates? That's what you guys are - Vampirates!

Dean: What the hell do you know about the value of life? You're a vampire.
Benny: Yep. And I think we both know which of our kinds killed more humans.
Castiel: Well, statistically speaking, that'd be your...
Dean: Yes. Thank you, Cass.

Sam: So, you think I'm creepy?
Amelia: I think it's creepy that you buy all of your clothing at Army Surplus. White supremacists do that.
Sam: Yeah, but I'm not.
Amelia: Drifting serial killers do that.
Sam: Fair enough.

The Maker: You're right. I've been here so, so long, Benny. Seen all the outcomes, all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else.
Benny: A little dark.
The Maker: I am evil, after all. At least I've had that much to keep me cold at night.

Southern Comfort [8.06][edit]

Sam: Hold up. Are you the new Bobby?
Dean: (to Sam) You shut your mouth.
Garth: Yeah.
Dean: (to Garth) You shut your mouth. What?!?

Dean: I was in Purgatory.
Garth: Like the Purgatory Purgatory?
Dean: No, the one in Miami.
Garth: Man, that's balls
Dean: That's not how you say "balls."

Dean: What, you--you were a dentist?
Garth: Yeah, just for like, for a hot minute. Where did you think I got my first case?
Dean: Let me guess--Tooth Fairy.
Garth: Yeah. Man, I felt terrible when I ganked that SOB.
Sam: Uh, you killed the Toothy Fairy?
Garth: Yeah, man. I mean, not my proudest moment. But it happened.

Dean: So first, the mom goes Natural Born Killer, and now the son? Well, what do we got--a ghost with an Oedipus complex? (Sam stares) I don't know what that means.

A Little Slice of Kevin [8.07][edit]

Dean: Hey.
Sam: You look like you've--well, I was gonna say, "You look like you've seen a ghost", but you'd probably be stoked.

Kevin: Mom! You've got to stop drowning me in holy water every time I go out!

Kevin: [Deciphering the stone tablet] The next is... "The demonic influence on the collective tapestry of the soul."
Crowley: Blah blah blah. Doesn't anyone ever edit this stuff? So far as a writer, God's a snooze. No fun at parties, I hear.

Kevin: From, the archangel... Metatron.
Crowley: The scribe... and suck-up. Took down God's word, picked up His cleaning.

Crowley: It's all very West Side Story, but let's be logical. You look like hell, and I should know.

Hunteri Heroici [8.08][edit]

Dean: What's the word, Cas?
Castiel: It's a shortened version of my name.
Dean: Yes, it is. I mean what's the word on The Word?

Castiel: [while trying to play "bad cop" screams into a woman's face] Why did you kill your husband?!
[later - Dean has pulled Castiel aside]
Castiel: What? I was being 'bad cop'.
Dean: You were being 'bad everything'.

Dean: She's right, you know. I mean, the whole heart jumping out of a guy's chest. The delayed fall. That's straight-up Bugs Bunny.
Castiel: So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?

Dean: All right, well, let's gear up. It's wabbit season.
Castiel: I don't think you pronounced that correctly.

Dean: Cass. Let's go.
Castiel: [interrogating a cat] I've almost cracked him.
Dean: Now.
Castiel: Hey, I'm not through with you.
Cat: [behind Castiel's back] Dumbass!

Caption: Dean Winchester (Hunterus Heroicus); Dr. Mahoney (Grotesques Villainus)

Citizen Fang [8.09][edit]

Dean: You put 'Mostly-Okay' Martin on Benny? What is mostly-okay doing hunting at all?

Benny: Rogue vamp. Came into the cafe a couple nights ago, youngster, goes by the name of Desmond. He, uh, remembers me from the good old days.
Dean: Good old days?
Benny: I know it's hard to believe, but I haven't always been this cute and cuddly.

Dean: Every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny, he has never let me down.

Sam: [to Amelia] I don’t want to do the right thing. I mean, this is the right thing, you and me, and maybe I’m going to Hell for saying this, but I’m not ready to give this up.

Dean: [to Benny] Guys like us, we don’t get a home, you know. We don’t get family.

Torn and Frayed [8.10][edit]

Dean: So who snatched Heaven's most adorable angel?

Crowley: What on earth could you possibly need now, Viggo? I've given you every torture instrument known to man. Short of a Neil Diamond album.

Amelia: Look last night at the bar.I just wanted to make sure it was you.You know, peeping into my window.
Sam: "Peeping". You make it sound so,uh...
Amelia: Stalkerish.

LARP and the Real Girl [8.11][edit]

Sam: But the medical examiner said his body showed clear signs that he was killed by belladonna.
Dean and Charlie: The porn star?
Sam: The poison.

Dean: I'm noticing a lot of these maidens are checking you out.
Charlie: What? I can't shut this down. It's good to be the queen.

As Time Goes By [8.12][edit]

Dean: Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?

Henry Winchester: You're also Winchesters. As long as we're alive, there's always hope. I didn't know my son as a man, but having met you two, I know I would have been proud of him.

Everybody Hates Hitler [8.13][edit]

Torvald: (defiantly) Long Live The Thule! (the Golem snaps his neck)
Dean: Or not!

Aaron: Oh my god! These guys are psycopaths!

Golem: This boy knows nothing, observes none of the mitzvahs, labors on the Sabbath, dines on swine...
Aaron: Everybody loves bacon!

Dean: Well, now we know. Paper beats Golem, fire beats undead Nazi zombie freaks.

Trial and Error [8.14][edit]

Dean: I've got this killer mattress. Memory foam. It remembers me.

Dean: We've been down roads like this before, man. With Yellow Eyes, Lucifer, Dick Friggin Roman ... we both know where this ends: one of us dies. Or worse.
Sam: So you just up and decided it's going to be you.
Dean: I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation. And you told me yourself, you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know, is that I'm going to die with a gun in my hand. Because that's what I have waiting for me, that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life, become a Man of Letters, whatever. You with a wife, kids, and grandkids, living out until you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra. That is my perfect ending and it's the only one I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials and I'm gonna do them alone. End of story. You stay here. Call if you need me, but if you try to come after me I will shoot you in the leg.

Sam: Closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live. And so should you. You have friends up here, family, hell, you even got your own room now! You were right, kay? I see light at the end of the tunnel and I'm sorry you don't. I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it.
Dean: Sam, be smart.
Sam: I am. And so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean, you're a genius. When it comes to lore, you're the best damn hunter I've ever seen. Better than me, better than Dad. I believe in you, Dean, so please, please, believe in me too.

Man's Best Friend With Benefits [8.15][edit]

Sam: I'm sorry, but I think Shemp was a funnier Stooge than Curly.
Dean: Curly was a freakin' genius.
Sam: I always found Curly's work a bit obvious.
Dean: It's supposed to be obvious, man! It's The Three Stooges!

Sam: [to Dean] By the way, I gotta hand it to you. It's been fifteen hours since Portia mentioned her ... night with James and not one bestiality joke out of you.

Sam: Ok, before you get pissed off, it isn't my fault. She just showed up at the door, didn't track any mud in, just wanted a belly scratch. I figured maybe she can stay the night and we'd find her a home in the morning?
[They enter the room. The dog that Sam let in has now turned into a beautiful woman in a black dress.]
Dean: She can stay the night.

Dean: Of course, he's got the booga booga on his side.

Dean: Well, kids, don't try this at home.

Remember the Titans [8.16][edit]

Dean: I got to say, I'm a little disappointed.
Sam:Yeah, because you wanted to shoot zombies.
Dean: Damn straight I wanted to shoot some zombies.

Sam:Uhh... we need to think. Dean, what do we know of that has...uh, Jason Bourne fighting skills, dies a lot, and has a history with violent women?
Dean:I don't know--you?

Dean: (after being referred to as 'Ghostbusters') Well, due to the fact that your son is currently, albeit temporarily, dead, I'm gonna let that one slide.

Artemis: [prepares to shoot Zeus with one of her arrows] You were my father. Now your somebody else. [fires but Zeus pulls Prometheus in the way]
Zeus: [to Prometheus] I never grow tired of watching you die! Your boy is going on the mountain.
[Prometheus shoves the arrow through himself and into Zeus, killling them both in a blast of electricity]

Dean:Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying, 'cause in my book it's... it's the same as begging. But this is about Sam, so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind... and I don't now what's ahead. Or what it's gonna bring for Sam. Now, he's covering pretty good, but I know that he is hurting, and this one was supposed to be on me.So, for all that we've been through, I'm asking you... you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay?

Goodbye Stranger [8.17][edit]

[Sam, Dean and Castiel rescue the demons' "hostage" and find it to be Meg]
Meg: Aren't you a little short to be a storm trooper?

Meg: Hi, I'm Meg. I'm a demon.

Meg: Do I look like Google to you?

Meg: [to Sam] You know, I get why Crowley calls you "Moose" now.

[Sam and Dean climb into the Impala and prepare to take off]
Meg: [to Crowley] No Cas in the backseat. Your stone is long gone!
[Meg stabs Crowley in the shoulder with an angel sword, slightly injuring him. In retaliation, Crowley stabs Meg in the stomach with his own angel sword, killing her.]

Meg: Why are you so sweet at me Clarence?
Castiel: I don't know. And I still don't know who Clarence is.

Dean: Listen, Sam, I may not be able to carry the burden that comes along with these trials, but I can carry you.
Sam: You realize that you kind of just quoted "Lord of the rings", right?
Dean: But come on man, it's the Rudy hobbit, and the Rudy hobbit always gets a pass. [Sam laughing] Shut up.

Freaks and Geeks [8.18][edit]

Taxi Driver [8.19][edit]

(Sam and Dean interrogate a Crossroads Demon for a way to sneak into Hell)
Crossroads Demon: I can't, its a secret.
Dean: We promise we won't tell anyone.

Pac-Man Fever [8.20][edit]

Sam: [regarding Charlie's monster-filled iPad] I hate that thing...I want one.
[later]
Charlie: [regarding John Winchester's journal] I hate that thing...I want one.

Charlie: Come with me if you want to live! (Dean stares at her) I've always wanted to say that.

Djinn Teenager: My mom always told me not to play with my food.
(The teenager turns around and Sam stabs him dead)
Sam: Yeah, well maybe you should've listened to your mom!

Charlie: I love you.
Dean: I know.

Charlie: One last time, okay? (reading from the Hobbit) 'In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on, or to eat. It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.'

The Great Escapist [8.21][edit]

Kevin: (to the Winchesters via video) I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God, and everybody in-between!

Castiel:(drinking coffee) You know, I remember when you first discovered it. Before you started brewing it, you'd just chew the berries. Folktale is true by the way, you learned it from the goats.

Naomi:Where is the angel tablet, Castiel?
Castiel:In the words of a... good friend, bite me.
Naomi: Oh, we'll bite. Don't worry.

Sam:You remember when, uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon on that pack-mule ride?
Dean:The what?
Sam:And uh-your mule kept farting like letting it go like gale force?
Dean:Due you were like 4 years old, I barely remember it.
Sam:(laughs) You rode a farty donkey.

Naomi:How dare you?
Crowley:I am the darlingest devil you've ever met, love.

Dean:So you've been holed up here or--or in a wigwam, or in some cave, listening to stories, reading books?
Metatron:And it was something to watch. What you brought to His earth... all the mayhem, the murder, Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really, really... it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will, at least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods of tiny intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds. I have read as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up.

Dean:But are you in? With us, I mean.
Metatron:You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?
Dean: Seems like the thing to do, don't it?
Metatron: It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about. The choices your kind make. But you're going to have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself what's it it going to take to do this and what will the world be like after it's done.

Kevin: You know the Winchesters are up to the third trial? That they're gonna shut the door on Hell?
Crowley: I'm not worried, kid.
Kevin picks up the demon tablet.:
Kevin: You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.
Crowley: You think I can't make you tell?
KEVIN: I know you can't. And you do too.
CROWLEY: You know what? I've already won. I have the angel tablet, you little smudge. And I got deals and plans up the jacksie. [he grabs Kevin by the throat] And I don't... need... you!
Crowley slams Kevin against the wall and strangles him. Suddenly, Kevin's eyes start glowing white. Increasingly bright light emanates from him until Crowley is thrown back across the boat, hands and face burned.:

Clip Show [8.22][edit]

Dean: How you feeling?
Sam: Honestly, ummm... my, uh whole body hurts. I feel nauseous and like I'm starving at the same time. And everything smells like rotting meat.
Dean: I've had that hangover. Jäger, man.

Castiel: I like this bunker. It's orderly.
Sam: Oh, give us a few months. Dean wants to get a ping-pong table.
Castiel: I've heard of that. It's a game, right?

Waitress: Cool coat.
Castiel: No, it's actually quite warm.
Waitress: Cute and funny--okay.

Sam: So you really think this'll work?
Dean: Dude, we got needles, we got thread. We've seen Young Frankenstein about a thousand times. We're golden.

Dean: Son of a bitch!
Crowley: Son of a witch, actually. My mommy taught me a few tricks.

Crowley: What's the line? "Saving people, hunting things. The family business."

Sacrifice [8.23][edit]


Castiel: What was He like?
Metatron: Who? (looks up) God? Pretty much what you'd expect, really. Gruff, larger than life, bit of a sexist, but fair! Eminently fair. (looks at Castiel firmly) The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.
Castiel: ...and the next Trial?
Metatron: (points across road) Across the street. His name's Dwight Charles. I've bee listening in on the angel radio. Cupid's frequency actually. And he is the next on their list.
Castiel: A list?
Metatron: To do the horizontal mumbo. Slap-buddies. (Castiel is confused) To find love! He is going to be zinged by Cupid's arrow within twenty-four hours, which is good for us, because the Second Trial is retrieving Cupid's Bow.
Castiel: No killing?
Metatron: No killing.

(the brothers are doing a deal with Crowley)
Crowley: Hello boys. What's that old expression? Success has many fathers, failure is a Winchester. Where's the stone?
Dean: You show us yours, and we'll show you ours.
Crowley: Really Dean, I'm trying to conduct a professional deal here, and you want to talk dandy bits? THE STONE! (Sam shows him their tablet) Wow, wow, slowly! There she is. (he shows them his tablet)
Dean: And the contract? (Crowley throws an extremely long piece of parchment) Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there!
Crowley: The highlights: We swap tablets, and you stand down from the Trials forever.
Sam: And you stop killing everyone we've ever saved.
Crowley: Agreed. (Dean pulls out a pen) Uh, uh, uh, nice try squirrel. Moose is doing his Trials, Moose signs.
Dean: No, he's not signing anything until I read the fine print!
Sam:No, I can read it!
Dean: You wanted me here, I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'll let him screw us even more!
Crowley:What's this? Trouble in paradise?

Dean: Oh what, and leave you here with the King of Hell?

Season 9[edit]

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here [9.01][edit]

Dean: You’re a doctor. You’re a medical professional. You’re trying to tell me that my brother’s life is in God’s hands? What, is that supposed to be a comfort? God has nothing to do with this equation at all.

Dean: Just because you’re dying doesn't mean you’re dead, not yet, OK? We have jimmied ourselves out of worse. We’re gonna fight this. I got the plan, you just need to hang on.

Sam: If you’re you, but you’re really me, and you’re the part of me that wants to fight to live.
Dean: Yes. I have no idea what you just said, but continue.

Biker (to Castiel): I'm going to finish the call, then I'm gonna stab you.

Dean (to Castiel): There is a war on, and it’s on you. There’s thousands of them out there. You said you lost your Grace. That means you’re human. That means you bleed and you read and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before.

Dean: Cas, you there? Sammy's hurt - he's hurt pretty bad. And I know that you think that I am pissed at you. But I don't care that the angels fell. So whatever you did, or didn't, do, we'll work it out. Please man, I need you here.

Dean: I've got the King of Hell in my trunk.

Death: [to Sam] I consider it to be quite the honor to be collecting the likes of Sam Winchester. I try so hard not to pass judgment at times like this, not my bag, you see, but you? Well played, my boy.

Sam: [to Death] I need to know one thing. If I go with you, can you promise that this time it will be final? I mean, if I’m dead, I stay dead. Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away, and nobody else can get hurt because of me.

Bobby: All the good you’ve done? All the people you’ve saved? All the sacrifices you’ve made? You’ve saved the world, son. How many people can say that? How many people can say that they have left this God-forsaken hunk of dirt that a much better place? What you call dying, I call leaving a legacy

Dean: We keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam’s well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker. Or I find a way to tell him.

Sam: You’ve been driving around with me passed out in the passenger seat for a day?
Dean: I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.

Sam: We got work to do

Devil May Care [9.02][edit]

Dean:: And even with Crowley here, this is the safest place there is. And we need you man.
Kevin: Because I'm useful.
Dean: Because you're family. After all the crap that we've been through, after all the good that we've done. Man, if you don't think that we would die for you, I don't know what to tell you. Because you, me, Sam and Cas - we are all we've got.

Abaddon: You know, I've loved this body since the moment I first saw it. You're the perfect vessel Dean. You give a girl all sorts of nasty ideas. So go ahead and play hard to get, and I'll peel off this "no demons allowed" tattoo and blow smoke up your ass.

Dean: Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
Ezekiel (in Sam's Body): [Head tilt]

Abaddon: I so appreciate you boys coming when I call. That's what I like most about you Winchesters. Obedient... and suicidally stupid. I like that, too.
Dean: We going to fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here.

Crowley: Torture? Brilliant. Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier really putting the S.A.M. into S & M.

I'm No Angel [9.03][edit]

Castiel: Do you ever tire of urinating...I'll never get used to it.

Dean: Sam... You here?
Sam: Hey, Morning.
Dean: You been outside already?
Sam: Yeah, Woke up went for a run, beautiful sunrise, anyways cleaned up, went and got breakfast, grabbed you bacon and eggs extra grease not even gonna argue.
Dean: Perfect

Dean: I think it'd be better if you take it easy and didn't act like you were...
Sam/Ezekiel: ...possesed by an angel? He does feel better, a work in progress of course, but I am slowly healing him.
Dean: That's great...umm but
Ezekiel: I have news, I've picked up chatter among the angels not all are wondering around in confusion.
Dean: Yeah some of them are after cas.
Ezekiel: There is a faction that is rapidly organizing and finding human vessels to contain them/
Dean: Lead by Naomi?
Ezekiel: I have not heard that name no but it is this factions leadership that wants Castiel found, you see Dean I can be useful.
Dean: So can my brother so why don't you go check your email and if I need your help I'll let you know/
Ezekiel: Dean...
Dean: ...I said I'll let you know.
Ezekiel/Sam: I mean Cas is human now, it's gonna take him a lot longer to travel
Dean: I'm gonna get whiplash.
Sam: What?
Dean: Nothing.

Bartholomew: Beautiful Buddy. One of your best.
Buddy Boyle: Oh, well that is a high praise Sir, seeing as your an emissary from that man upstairs himself, Thank you Bart.
Bartholomew: It's Bartholomew.

Woman: I give my vessel over to you.
Buddy: Oh, hallelujah.
Bartholomew: Yes, well if you're certain.
She explodes:
Buddy: Bart, what the hell.
Bartholomew: Buddy the simple truth is not all who are willing are designed to contain heavens grace, we have to expect a small casualty now and then. It;s a small price to when you think about it.
Buddy: Like the lamb of the sacrifice.
Bartholomew: Sure.

Slumber Party [9.04][edit]

Charlie: I took down a teenage vampire and a ghost. ...Which sounds like a Y.A. novel when you say it out loud.

Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! S-spoilers. I haven't read all the books yet.
Dean: You're gonna read the books?
Sam: Yes, Dean. I like to read books -- you know, the ones without pictures.

Sam: Well, I'm sorry I haven't hung up the, uh, "Hang in there, kitty" poster yet, Dean.

Charlie: Holy crap! The first case investigated in this bunker involved Dorothy. She and the witch came into this room, and they never came out. This will never stop blowing my mind!
Dean: Okay, pace yourself, Toto.

Crowley: [to witch] Hello, darling. (the witch slightly burns herself trying to pass a warding sign) Sorry. This litter box is warded against everything, even wicked witches. Big fan. Love your work.

Crowley: (whistling Somewhere Over The Rainbow)
(Sam and Dean walk slowly into the room with their guns, wary of the wicked witch)
Crowley: Wow. If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.

(Charlie and Dean are looking for the key to Oz)
Charlie: (looking at the first edition of Voluptuous Asian Lovelies) You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
Dean: Don't judge me.

Charlie: (after learning that several things from the Oz books are wrong) Stop ruining my childhood!

Charlie: (to the Witch) Now heel! (stabs the Witch in the head with the heel of the Ruby Slippers, killing her)

Charlie: (to Sam and Dean after killing the Witch) Ding Dong, Bitches!

Dog Dean Afternoon [9.05][edit]

Dean Winchester: (after learning he is taking on dog-like traits) Ruh-roh!

Heaven Can't Wait [9.06][edit]

Bad Boys [9.07][edit]

Rock and a Hard Place [9.08][edit]

Tammy: I'm calling the cops!
Sheriff Jody Mills: I am the cops!
Tammy: (after Sheriff punches her and her nose starts bleeding) What the fudge, lady?

Holy Terror [9.09][edit]

Gadreel: (after killing Kevin and sounding like he's trying to convince himself) I did what I had to do.

Road Trip [9.10][edit]

Sam Winchester: (expelling Gadreel) I said. Get. The Hell. Out!

First Born [9.11][edit]

Crowley: (while killing a demon) You're good, but I'm Crowley.
Castiel: (after removing the needle) The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you, is me. And now, I know what that guilt feels like, And I know what it means to feel sorry. I am sorry.
Sam:: I know.
Castiel: You know, old me, I would just keep going, I'd jam that needle deeper until you died. 'Cause the ends always justify the means. But what I went through... That PB&J taught me that angels can change. Who knows, maybe a Winchester can too.

Sharp Teeth [9.012][edit]

The Purge [9.13][edit]

Dean: Yeah, Why do I gotta be the lunch lady?
Sam: Since when have you ever complained about being around food?
Dean: Okay this is not food.
Alonso: Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.

Captives [9.14][edit]

#Thinman [9.15][edit]

Blade Runners [9.16][edit]

Mother's Little Helper [9.17][edit]

Meta Fiction [9.18][edit]

Alex Annie Alexis Ann [9.19][edit]

Bloodlines [9.20][edit]

King of the Damned [9.21][edit]

Crowley: You betrayed me? No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.

Stairway to Heaven [9.22][edit]

Do You Believe in Miracles [9.23][edit]

Dean: You can save the humble pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.
Metatron: The problem with you Dean, is the cinism. Always with the cinism. But most people, even the real belly crawlers, living in filth, or Brentwood, they don't want to be cinical. They just want something to believe in.
Dean: And that'be you.
Metatron: Why not me?
Dean: You've been working those people outside for what, a day? And they've already spilled blood in your name. You're nothing but Bernie Madoff with wings.
Metatron: Ah, ah. So I'm a fake. Do you have any idea how much pancake make-up and soft lighting it took to get God to work a rope line? He hated it. And you know, humans sensed that. So they prayed harder and longer and fought more wars in His name. And for what?ǃ So they could die of malaria? Leukemia? And all the while, blaming themselvesː "Oh, if only I'd been more prayrful, God would have loved meǃ God would have saved meǃ" You know what?ǃ God didn't even know their nameǃ But I do. Because I've walked among them, and I can save them.
Dean: Sure you can. So long as your mug is in every Bible, and "What would Metatron do?" is on every bumper.
Metatron: And? What, are you blaming me for giving them what they want? Giving them a brand they can believe in?
Dean: I'm blaming you for Kevinǃ I'm blaming you for taking Cass' Grace. Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not winning the World Series in the last 100 freaking yearsǃ :[Showing the First Blade] Whatever it is, I'm blaming you.
Metatron: The First Blade. Nasty piece of work, isn't she? Ok, let's say you win, Dean, and I die. What's the world left with then, hmm? A herd of panty-waisted angels and you? Half out of your mind with lord knows what pumping through those veins?
Dean: You see, the only thing you've said that went in my ear was that you die.
Metatron: Oh, fine. We'll fight. I don't know what you expect is gonna come of all this. Unless... that's why you're stalling. Because you know nothing's gonna come of this unless your pals :[Gadreel and Castiel] succeed upstairs. Well, here's a newsflashː Humpty and Dumpty are starring in their very own version of "Locked Up Abroadː Heaven" right now.
[Dean punches Metatron]
Metatron: Wow, that big blade and that douchy tribal tat sure gave you some super juice. Whooǃ Okay...  :[They start fighting]

[Dean is dying despite Sam is trying to save him]
Dean: I thought you were alright with this?
Sam: I lied.
Dean: Ain't that a bitch.

Dean: (last words) I'm proud of us.

[Dean lies dead on a bed]
Crowley: Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But... there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... no, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten... than I began to let myself believeː maybe miracles do come true. Listen to me, Dean Winchester. What you're feeling right now, is not death. It's life. A new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And let's go take a howl at that moon.
[Dean wakes up as a demon]

Season 10[edit]

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]