Talk:Dave Barry

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I found this attributed to Dave Barry:

"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."

Does anyone know a source for this quote? Aragorn2 13:45, 12 February 2006 (UTC)


    • Moved "Without question, the greatest invention..." from Attributed to Sourced. Provided source.
  • I noticed alot of quotes in the 'Attributed' section really are Dave quotes, but are not 100% accurate. I'll fix and provide sources when I find them.
  • Yes, "People who ..." is number 12 in Chapter 8 '25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years' of 'Dave Barry Turns 50'. Note that there is a list circulating called '16 Things That ...', which claims to be from Dave but includes a few that are not.

Unsourced[edit]

Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Dave Barry. --Antiquary 18:12, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

  • We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
  • As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer of course to the federal government.
  • As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons.
  • See, when the GOVERNMENT spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of TAXPAYERS, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.
  • If, in reading this, you are uncertain as to whether a specific statement is meant seriously or not, simply apply this rule of thumb: If the statement makes you consider filing a lawsuit, I was kidding. Ha ha!
  • I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
  • There's no way to know for sure without finding out what a "kg" is, and my belief, as an American, is that if I have to start understanding the metric system, then the terrorists have won.
  • Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
  • What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
  • Everybody wins in chess!
  • American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
  • Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
  • Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements...
  • Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
  • I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
  • The Rules of Life:
    • 1. A lot of things can happen
    • 2. All of these can kill you
    • 3. So DON'T PANIC!!!
  • We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
  • Skiiers regard snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders regard skiiers as Elmer Fudd.
  • What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.