This article was preserved after a vote for its deletion. See its archived VfD entry for details.
~ MosheZadka (Talk) 14:36, 20 December 2005 (UTC)
Needs clean up 
I'm unclear if the material is from live shows or recorded material. If from published material then meets my inclusion criteria. If from live shows, then I'm not sure it does. Either way I'm not clear whether in its present form, the entry meets the new inclusion criteria due to potential copyright problems. Someone needs to look at the entry asap. FloNight♥♥♥ 19:42, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
- At this time, the titles named in the sub-section headings under "Standup routines" are listed in his Wikipedia discography, so the quotes appear to be sourceable to published works. ~ Ningauble 14:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable and precise source for any quote on this list please move it to Denis Leary.
- I think you hear me knocking and I think I'm coming in.
- Various MTV promos
- Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.
- I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.
- Jerry Lee Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, OK Jerry?
- Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.
- The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.
- Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?
- (to a child): Life's gonna suck when you grow up, and then you're gonna die.