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- You know how some babies are born addicted to drugs? Well, I was born addicted to attention.
- You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
- I personally think that noodlez is the best thing around, when i saw that 'N' up there I just thought to myself "daRn, that is the best thing around!"
- A little humour goes a long way. Johnny Carson said it's the number one aphrodisiac, so I must be very sexy.
- There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it. And I'm hungry for rock 24/7,Byoch.
- Where do songs come from? INSPIRADO.
- I WILL catch the bug!
- Hi, I'm Jack Black, you probably know me from my movies and music, that's why you'll understand what I'm here about is very important to me: PIRACY. Look, super mega rock 'n' roll gods and stars are just regular dudes like you guys, we punch the clock, we put on the pants, then we blow people's minds. It's how we make a living! And then these pirates come, and they steal all our internets! I don't know how they do it, but these pirates can break into our entertainers' homes, make us walk the plank, and leave us broke. and you know what that means: no cash, no inspiration. No inspiration, no rocket sauce. No rocket sauce, no kick ass rock n roll, or movies! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT MR. LONG-JOHN SILVER?! WHATS YOUR PARROT GONNA LISTEN TO WHEN YOU GO TOE-TO-TOE AGAINST THE ENGLISH ARMADA?! JAZZ?! I DON'T THINK SO! Don't be a douche, stop piracy!
- I will take on all comers and cum on all takers!
- Hold on to your brain balls
- (On 'Who wants to be a millionaire) I'm going to take my 50/50 now (takes away two wrong answers)... I'm going to go ahead and take my other 50/50.
- I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.
- Jack was picked on American Idol to sing a song and he chose "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal and he said "It's from Batman Returns... the most sensitive of the Batmans." He pulled a rose out of his pocket and was stopped by the judges and told Simon that Seal would have liked his version.