Talk:Woody Allen

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Annie Hall (1977)

I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' and the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

In Episode 10 Season 2 of House MD, Stacy uses the above Woody Allen quotation, but before she can deliver the egg punchline, House interrupts with "curry", as a reference to dialog earlier in the episode when Stacy used Vindaloo curry as a metaphor for House.Failure to Communicate

[edit] Unsourced

  • Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
  • Eighty percent of success is showing up.
  • Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.
  • God is either cruel or incompetent.
  • Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
  • His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
  • How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
  • How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
  • I am at two with nature.
  • I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
  • I believe there is something out there watching over us – unfortunately it's the government.
  • I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.
    • Rolling Stone, 1987
  • I don't believe in science. Science is an intellectual dead end. You know, it's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
  • I don't tan, I stroke.
  • I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
  • I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
  • I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.
  • I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
  • I prefer masturbation. You meet a better class of people that way.
  • I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
  • I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.
  • If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse
  • If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
  • If my film makes one more person feel miserable, I'll feel like I've done my job.
  • It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
  • Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
  • Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
  • Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.
  • Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
  • My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.
  • My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
  • On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
  • Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
  • Sex is only dirty if it's done right.
  • Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
  • The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
  • The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I'm an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.
  • There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear playing the clarinet.
  • Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
  • Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
  • You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
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