Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress 2 is the sequel to Team Fortress Classic, developed and produced by Valve. TFC in turn was derived from the Team Fortress mod for id Software's Quake. It was released in Fall 2007 for consoles and PC.

Meet The Team

The quotes below are from the game's promotional trailers.

Meet the Heavy

In a dark storeroom, Heavy instructs the audience while performing maintenance on Sasha, his minigun.

• Heavy: I am Heavy Weapons Guy. And this... [grips Sasha] is my weapon. She weighs 150 kilograms and fires $200 custom tooled cartridges at 10,000 rounds per minute. It costs $400,000 to fire this weapon... for twelve seconds.

• Heavy: [laughing maniacally then holds up a finger trying to calm down]

• Heavy: [inspecting his minigun] Oh my god, who touched Sasha?! Alright… WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!

• Heavy: Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe…[sniffs] maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.

• Heavy: [screaming while firing his minigun, later laughing maniacally] Cry some more! [when the screen suddenly goes dark] Heh, cry some more...

Meet the Soldier

Like a hardened drill sergeant, Soldier addresses what appears to be a group of other soldiers. It is later revealed that the heads wearing the helmets are a tad "out of place".

• Soldier: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!... ." Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor!

• Soldier: … and then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth [removes grenades from bandoleer to illustrate "two"]. And then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one! [bashes the two grenades together]

• Soldier: And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a TZU (zoo)! Unless it's a farm!

Meet the Demoman

This interview is conducted in Demoman's armory. It is accompanied by a cinematic of Demoman engaging a superior enemy force with particular guile.

• Demoman: What makes me a good demoman? If I were a bad demoman I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing it with you, now would I?! One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and KABLOOIE!

• Demoman: [After drinking a copious amount of scrumpy] n' I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops! They've got more [his speech is comically censored with a long beep for the next 2-3 seconds] than they've got the likes of me.

• Demoman: [This part of the interview periodically cuts to a cinematic of the Demoman setting a trap for a large group of foes] So! [Bagpipes begin to play in the background] ....T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cock-sure, prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end! [Demoman sets off the trap, and the BLU players that were following him are blown to pieces. The Demoman walks over, laughing, and bends down to stare at the remains of his foes while several parts of the exploded corpses are raining from the sky.] Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!

Meet the Engineer

During this scene, an upbeat Engineer passes the time playing acoustic guitar. As he explains his role, the sentry guns surrounding him acquire and kill various hostiles.

• Engineer: Hey, look buddy. I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems. Not problems like, "What is beauty?," because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of 'philosophy'. I solve practical problems.

• Engineer: F'r instance, how am I gonna stop some big, mean Mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind? The answer, use a gun. And if that don't work? Use more gun. Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted little old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... [deadly serious] not pointed at you.

Meet the Scout

Scout is introduced leading an assault through a trainyard. As he gives a monologue in front of the Meet the Scout graphic, he is shown ambushing a defending Heavy who is about to eat a sandwich, or, more commonly, a/the Sandvich..

• Scout: Um, I-I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talking to? Do you have any idea, any idea who I am? Basically, kind of a big deal.

• Scout: [flexing a bicep, showing no visible muscle definition] Oh man, that's beautiful.

• Scout: You listening? Okay… Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, I hurt people. I'm a force of nature! If you were from where I was from, you'd be f——ing dead! Whoooo!

Meet the Sniper

Sniper drives his camper in a remote outback. Interspersed are scenes of him on the telephone to his father, and other scenes of him at work.

• Sniper: [looking at a bobblehead of Team Fortress Classic Civilian, Sniper flicks it] Boom, headshot.

• Sniper: Sniping's a good job, mate! It's challenging work, out-of-doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry, 'cause at the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead .

• Sniper: [on the phone] Dad? Dad I'm- … y- … Not a crazed gunman, Dad, I'm an assassin! Well, the difference being one's a job, and the other's mental sickness! [to audience] I'll be honest with you— my parents... do not care for it.

• Sniper: [in a tower, looking through scope] I think his mate saw me... [bullets ricochet near Sniper, Sniper ducks] Yes, yes he did!

• Sniper: Feelings?! Look, mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards: Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

• Sniper: Dad, dad... put- [sighs] put mum on the phone!

Meet the Sandvich

Heard from inside the BLU refrigerator, Heavy gets a boost from eating his Sandvich, and then beats his two pursuers to a pulp.

• Scout: Yeah! There he is!

• Soldier: You! Stop right where you are! That is an order! [to Scout] He's getting away! Do not let him get to the refr- [to Heavy, who has gotten to the refridgerator, opens it, takes out a sandvich, and is heard eating it] Do not do it! … Oh, hell…

• Scout: D-Don't do it pal! H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... OH GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GO- [thud, Heavy laughing]

• Scout: My blood! He- he punched out all my blood!

• Soldier: You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if i- [crack] AUGHH! MY SPINE!

Meet the Spy

An alarm panel is shown, with various sections lighting up as the Announcer speaks.

• The Administrator: Intruder alert! Intruder alert! RED Spy in the base!
  BLU Soldier: A RED Spy is in the base?! [grabs a shotgun and rushes downstairs]Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut....
  The Administrator: Protect the briefcase!
  BLU Soldier: We need to protect the briefcase!
  BLU Scout: [trying to open the briefcase room door] Yo, a little help here?!
  BLU Soldier: All right, all right, I've got it. Stand back, son. [punches numbers into the door lock] One, one, one... uh... one?
  BLU Scout: Let's go, let's go!
  BLU Heavy: [charges around a corner and towards the door] INCOMING! [breaks through the door, along with BLU Scout and BLU Soldier]
  All: [yelling]
  BLU Scout: Hey, it's still here!
  
• BLU Spy: [arrives, carrying BLU Sniper's body with the RED Spy's knife in his back] Gentlemen... I see the briefcase is safe?
  BLU Soldier: Safe and sound.
  BLU Scout: Yeah it is!
  BLU Spy: Tell me, did anyone happen to kill a RED spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem. [drops Sniper's body on the table]
  BLU Soldier: And a knife.

• BLU Scout: Ooh-hoo-hoo, big problem! [plays with RED Spy's balisong] I've killed plenty of spies. They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags, like you! [cuts himself] Ow! No offense.
  BLU Spy: [casually closes knife with impressive skill] If you managed to kill them, I assure you they were not like me. And nothing - nothing! - like the man loose inside this building!
  BLU Scout: What are you, president of his fan club? [BLU Soldier chuckles]
  BLU Spy: No... that would be your mother! [reveals several incriminating photos of the RED Spy embracing/making love to a middle-aged woman]
  BLU Scout: [stammering; shocked]
  BLU Spy: Indeed. And now he's here to f——— us! So listen up, boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today. [Scout shakes his fist at BLU Spy, while BLU Heavy shows BLU Soldier a particular photo with a smirk]
  BLU Soldier: Oh! [leers at the photo]
  BLU Scout: Gimme that! [Snatches the pictures from them in anger]
  

• BLU Spy: [lights a cigarette from his case] This spy has already breached our defenses.
  The RED Spy is shown running through the BLU base, approaching the BLU Engineer and his sentry gun. The Spy saps the sentry gun.
  BLU Engineer: Sentry down! [throws down wrench and attempts to draw his pistol. He is not fast enough, and is shot in the head by the RED Spy.]

• BLU Spy: You see what he's done to our colleagues! [gestures at the body of the BLU Sniper]
  The RED spy is shown sneaking up on the BLU Sniper. A floorboard creaks, causing the Sniper to turn. He grabs his kukri and takes several swings at the RED Spy, before being stabbed in the back.
  

• BLU Spy: And worst of all, he could be any one of us!
  The RED spy is shown, battling the BLU Medic.
  BLU Medic: Raus, raus! [swings at the Spy with his Bonesaw]
  RED Spy: [effortlessly blocks the attack, breaking the Medic's arm as he does. His body shimmers, and he takes on the appearance of the Medic.].
  BLU Medic: Nein...
  RED Spy: [strikes the Medic in the neck, killing him. The Medic's glasses fly into the air, and the Spy takes them to complete his disguise.]
  

• BLU Spy: He could be in this very room! He could be you! He could be me! He could even b– [his head is blown off by BLU Soldier's shotgun]
  BLU Scout: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
  BLU Heavy: Augh!
  BLU Soldier: What? It was obvious! [He pumps his shotgun, ejecting the spent shell] He's the RED Spy! Watch, he'll turn red any second now. [taps the BLU Spy's foot with the barrel of his gun] Any second now... See? Red! Oh wait, that's blood.
  BLU Heavy: So, we still got problem.
  [BLU Scout behind them opens the balisong with spy-like skill, and turns into a RED Spy]
  BLU Soldier: Big problem. Alright, who's ready to go find the Spy?
  RED Spy: Right behind you.

[The RED Spy stabs the BLU Soldier and Heavy to the beat of the Meet the Team ending flourish.]

• RED Spy: [with BLU intelligence in tow, picks up a photo of BLU Scout's mother and smiles fondly] Ah, ma petite chou-fleur.

Meet the Medic

[The RED Scout and RED Demoman are wounded on what seems to be a battlefield. They are trying to escape from an army of BLU Soldiers.]

• RED Scout: (To Demoman) Move cyclops, move!

• RED Scout: Come on! Come on!

[A rocket knocks the RED Scout to the ground, he tries to get up but sees more rockets coming at him.]

• RED Scout: Whoah! Who the fu--?

[The rockets impact the ground near the ground, hurtling the Scout into the air. He lands his face onto a window, cracking it. A startled dove looks at him from inside the building.]

• RED Scout: Medic...

[The Scout's body slides off the window as the camera zooms out to reveal an operating room. The RED Heavy lays on the operating table, fully conscious with a gaping wound in his chest. A Medigun is shown to be keeping him alive. The RED Medic, holding the Heavy's heart, talks with him.]

• RED Heavy: Oh ho ho! No more!

• RED Medic: No wait, it get's better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing and the doctor was never heard of again!

[Both classes burst into laughter.]

• RED Medic: (exhales deeply) Anyway... That's how I lost my medical licence. Heh.

[Heavy suddenly looks concerned. A dove pops out of the Heavy's stomach, startling both the Medic and his patient.]

• RED Medic: Archimedes! No! It is filthy in there. Ugh... Birds. (chuckles)

[The Medic grabs a device with the words "Uber" on it from the table and turns to Heavy.]

• RED Medic: Now, [attaches uber device with heart and holds it near Medigun beam] most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage. But I'm very certain that your heart-

[The Medic is interuppted as the Heavy's heart explodes. The force sending Archimedes backwards.]

• RED Heavy: What was noise?

• RED Medic: The sound of progress my friend.

[The Medic opens a refigerator containing a sandvich, bottles of beer, and three hearts.]

• RED Medic: Ah...perfect. [The Medic takes the big "mega baboon heart" As he does, he reveals the head of a BLU Spy at the back.]

• BLU Spy's head: Kill me.

• RED Medic: Later. (closes door)

• RED Medic: Where was I? Ah. [The Medic attaches the Uber device to the heart and holds it toward the Medigun beam.] There we go. Come on. Come on.

[The Medic starts laughing maniacally. The Heavy also laughs nervously. Archimedes looks attentively. The Medic stops laughing and looks at the heart, which now has an uber texture.]

• RED Medic: Oh, that looks good. (drops it in the Heavy's open body)

• RED Heavy: Should I be awake for this?

• RED Medic: Heh heh, well... No. But as long as you are, could you hold your ribcage open a bit? I can't seem-

[The Heavy does what he is told and the Medic shoves the heart in causing the Heavy to scream. A large snap is heard. We see the Heavy holding a broken rib while the Medic looks at it.]

• RED Medic: Oh don't be such a baby. (pinches the Heavy's cheek and takes the rib) Ribs grow back. (tosses it away) (whispers to Archimedes) No they don't.

[The Medic cranks up the power on the medigun and the beam fully heals the Heavy and even repairs his clothes.]

• RED Heavy: (exhales deeply) What happens now?

• RED Medic: Now? (chuckles as he helps the Heavy up) Lets go practice medicine.

[The Medic puts on his lab coat and gloves. A metal door opens as the Medic steps out with the Medigun. The Heavy runs ahead of him with Minigun. The Medic surveys the battlefield as the Demoman, on his wheelchair rolls toward the Medic.]

• RED Demoman: Medic! [Rockets impact the ground sending the Demoman face first into the ground.]

[The Medic adjusts his glasses, turns on the Medigun and heals the Demoman. The Demoman nods and heads back to the battlefield. The Medic also heals the Scout.]

• RED Scout: Yeah! (jumps to his feet and runs off)

[The Heavy takes cover behind a truck as the Scout hits a BLU Soldier on the head with his bat.]

• RED Scout: Oh yeah!

[The Heavy looks over the truck to see a hoard of BLU Soldiers coming their way.]

• RED Heavy: Doctor! Are you sure this will work?

• RED Medic: Ha Ha, I have no idea!

[The Medic flips a switch on his medigun. A button lights up and says that an Übercharge is ready. The Heavy jumps out of his cover as the Medic shoots the über beam at him turning him bright red.]

• RED Heavy: (firing Minigun) YAAAAH! AHAHAHAHA! I am bullet proof! [The camera zooms into Heavy's chest showing his new heart beating rapidly.]

[The RED Engineer and RED Sniper watch in amazement as the Übered Heavy shrugs off the incoming rockets as one by one, all the BLU soldiers fall to the Minigun. The bodies create a large heap as the Heavy and Medic climb to the very top and pose triumphantly as doves fly into the background.]

[Ending flourish]

[Cuts to inside of a waiting room. All classes were sitting down waiting for the Medic to put über hearts into them as well.]

• RED Medic: That looks good... (Mumbles), Yes!

• RED Scout: Yeah, thanks Doc. (busts out of door to waiting room) Aw man! You would not believe how much this hurts!

[The Scout's chests bulges a bit as a croaking noise is heard.]

• RED Medic: Archimedes?

In-game commands and responses

Demoman

• Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together ... in Hell!
• "(slurring)" G-gonna blow your ass on the grass and I'm the grass...man...punk...
• They're gonna hafta' bury whats left of ye in a soup can!
• –and that's what you get for touching that.
• Oh, they're gonna find ya all dead in the alley with cats licking at ya!
• (defending) Next time you'll bloody ask before you stand on my point.
• (defending) Stand on the bloody point, ya half-wit!
• (capturing point) Now it's our flippin' point!
• (slurring; winning a match) Iluvevery, single… one of ye… not you.
• (winning a match) Imagine if I hadn't been drunk.
• (slurring; winning a match) If I wasn't the man I was, I'd kiss ya.
• (slurring; losing a match) I'm drunk - you don't have an excuse!
• (losing a match) I feel like every bone in me body's broke!
• (slurring; losing a match) Ooooh, I've realllly hit rock bottom!
• (losing a match) I did what I could!
• (slurring; losing a match) Thankfully, I already don't remember this.
• (repeated line) Bloody hell!
• (losing a match) Buck up, lads! We'll got them next time.
• (losing a match) I almost joined their bloody team!
• (losing a match) We are sorry, bunch of losers!
• How's that feel, ya blockhead?
• KA-BOOOOOOOM!
• KA-BLOOEEEEEEEY!
• Don't fret boyo, I'll be gentle!
• Oh, I'm gonna beat you so hard, you'll have a twitch.
• All ya dandies, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs!
• I'm gonna blast ya into thin glue.
• Not one of ya's gonna survive this!
• In your language: Eat lead, laddies!
• You appear to 'ave trodden on a mine!
• Oh, I'm goin' to liquefy ya...
• (Dominating a Medic) I've been Shagging ya Wife!

Engineer

• You ladies shoulda' oughta' brought some menfolk with ya.
• I built that.
• Cream gravy!
• (sentry gun kill) Another satisfied customer!
• (sentry gun kill) I told ya don't touch that darn thing.
• Start prayin', boy!
• Take it like a man, son/shorty.
• I'm gonna beat you like a rented mule, boy.
• Spy sappin' my sentry!
• Erectin' a dispenser!
• Teleporter goin' up!
• Sentry down!
• Teleporter down!
• Goddamn spies destroy everything I create!
• Hoo wee, would ya look at that?
• Hoo wee, makin' bacon!
• C'mere, sissy!
• Son, I'm gonna blow that dumb look right off your stupid face.
• Dag-nabbit damn it!
• Good night Irene!
• (when defending a control point) Plant yourself on the point, mister!
• Now I've seen everything...
• I'm moving this.
• (when other players are in the way of transporting a building) Heavy load comin' through!
• (when having killed a player with the unlockable mini-sentry gun) Some times you just need a little less gun.
• (when having killed a player with the unlockable mini-sentry gun) Ain't that a cute lil' gun?
• (when having killed another player using the manual control) This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
• (when having killed a player with the Golden Wrench, turning the enemy into a statue) Erectin' a statue of a moron!
• (when having killed a player with the Golden Wrench, turning the enemy into a statue) That there's a gold plated kill!
• (when having killed a player with the Golden Wrench, turning the enemy into a statue) Least you ain't worthless any more.

Heavy

• Who touch my gun?!
• Entire team is babies!
• Cry some more!
• Keep crying, baby!
• I'm coming for you!
• I was told we would be fighting men!
• All of you are dead!
• You! Yes, you! You are dead!
• Which one of you is crying?
• До свидания! (Dah svidaniya! / Goodbye!)
• I love this doctor!
• You're great, doctor!
• What sick man sends babies to fight me?
• Let us fight man versus tiny baby man!
• Go, go, давай! (Go, go, davai! / Go, go, come on!)
• (re:Engineer) I hear someone building diaper changing station!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) It was long trip.
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) I killed many cowards to get this!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) Eh, not usually my job, but...
• (moving towards payload) We must push little cart!
• (advancing payload) Forward, glorious cart!
• (if ones pushing payload is killed) No! Cart has stopped moving!
• (if cart begins to roll back) Cart is moving the wrong way!
• (if cart is left unattended) Bomb cart will not push self.
• (Übercharged) I AM BULLETPROOF!
• (Übercharged) Get behind me, doctor!
• (Übercharged) HIDE, COWARDS!
• (Übercharged) Now, it's good time to run cowards!
• (Übercharged) Now, it's my killing time!
• (found Spy) I spy with my little eye!
• (after eating Sandvich) Don't run! It's just ham!
• (after eating Sandvich) What was that, Sandvich? "Kill them all"? Good idea! Hahahaha!
• (after eating Sandvich) Bologna! Perfect fuel for killing tiny cowards!
• (after eating Sandvich, in singing tone) Sandvich and me going to beat your ass!
• (after eating Sandvich) You're a loose cannon, sandvich! But you are a damn good cop!
• (after eating Sandvich) Ah, so filling! Hahahahaha!
• (after eating Sandvich) That was delicious!
• (after eating Sandvich) Moist and delicious!
• (when eating Sandvich) Nom nom nom, om nom. (Chewing sounds)
• (after teleporting) Engineer is credit to team!
• You are so small! It's funny to me!

Dominating

• I'm going to kill you, and kill you, and kill you.
• I have plan for you: more pain.
• Killing you is full-time job now.
• The burning you feel? It is shame!
• I'm coming for you, again!
• You are dead. Not big surprise.

Medic

• Did the Fräuleins have their Mittelschmerz?
• All I can tell you about this next procedure is that it will be… excruciating!
• Eins, zwei, drei… Ugh, I do not think we brought enough body bags.
• Hello Fräuleins!
• The healing is not as rewarding as the hurting!
• The healing leaves little time for the hurting!
• Oops! That was not medicine!
• I healed the man who will kill you.
• Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!
• Aus! Aus! (Out! Out!)
• Can you feel the Schadenfreude?
• Zat wasn't very good Sanitation.
• Did zat sting? Sorry!
• That was Doctor Assisted Homicide!
• (defending) I am the Übermensch!
• (capturing) Standing near the point does nothing. Get on the point Dummkopfs!
• (capturing) Idiot! Get on ze point!
• Danke, Dummkopfs!
• (set on fire) Fire! Fire!
• (set on fire) I'm melting!
• (set on fire) Everyone! I am on fire!
• (Übercharge meter full) I am fully charged!
• Gesundheit!
• Oktoberfest!
• Hold still, Schweinhunds. This will only sting for a moment.
• You are trying my patience!
• Haha, what a bloodbath!
• Auf Wiedersehen, Dummkopfs!
• (defending) Get on the point Dummkopfs!
• Turn your head and cough.
• I'm going to saw through your bones!
• Prepare for your examination.
• (After being healed by another medic)"Thank you Herr Doctor!"
• (After going through a teleporter)"Thank you my hard-hatted friend!"

Pyro

Because of his/her gas mask, most of Pyro's dialogue is cryptic at best , unintelligible at worst. Somewhat recognizable quotes include "hello!" as a battle cry, maniacal laughter as a taunt, and a high-pitched sound followed by a low one.

Scout

• Bonk!
• Boink!
• Pancakes.
• Play ball! (or Weeaboo!)
• Eat my dust!
• Let's waste 'em!
• Let's get 'em!
• Woo hoo!
• Say goodbye to ya kneecaps, chucklehead!
• (dominating enemy Engineer) Here's a schematic for ya: MY ASS!
• This is a real frickin' embarrassment!
• Aw, jeeze!
• This sucks!
• (dominating enemy Medic) I... hate... doctors!
• What the hell is your guys' problem?
• Come on, doc, do it!
• What the hell was that crap?
• (dominating another Scout) Hit the bricks, pal, you're done.
• (dominating enemy Medic; sighing) Docta, docta, docta...
• This sucks on ice.
• Yo, batter up!
• Hey knucklehead, I'm talkin' to you!
• (laughs) I oughta' be on a baseball card!
• You knuckleheads ain't even worth the effort!
• Hey, is somebody keepin' track of my heads batted in?
• (on enemy capture point) How's the weather over there, dumbass? Get to the freakin' point!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) Wave goodbye to your secret crap, dumbass!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) I got it, I got it, I got it!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) No problem!
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) I'm not even winded.
• (successfully capturing enemy point) Yeah, it's ours now!
• (destroying Engineer's buildings) I broke your stupid crap, moron!
• (killing a Heavy with baseball bat) Eat it, fatty!
• (killing a Heavy) I. Eat. Your. Sandwiches, I eat 'em up!
• (after successfully capturing an enemy Capture Point) I- Is anyone even payin' attention to me?
• (Capturing a point) Get on the freakin' point, dumbass!
• (sarcastic) Oooh yeah, you're real scary.
• How's that feel, wimp?
• I'm runnin' circles around ya!
• You got anything smart to say now?
• Not so tough now, are ya? Are ya?!
• I'm gonna headbutt'cha, I'm gonna headbutt'cha, I'm gonna headbutt'cha!
• Yeah, come get some, ya frickin' wuss.
• I'm battin' a thousand.
• Stand on the freakin' point, you moron!
• Yeah, why don't you come over and say that to my face, tough guy?
• Freakin' unbelievable.
• Ya head's a freakin' bat magnet!
• Way to go, pally!
• Hey, a lotta good that gun didja!
• Nice hussle tons-of-bun. Next time eat a salad!
• I'm not even winded.
• (deep exhale) Yeah, thanks, doc.
• If ya order now, I'll throw in a second beatin' absolutely free!
• (Dominating enemy Engineer) Here's something you shoulda built: a not dyin' machine.
• (Dominating enemy Engineer, sarcastically) A lot a good that hard hat didja!
• (Dominating) Yeah, I dare ya! Ragequit! Make us both happy!
• (Dominating) Don't you ever cross me again!
• (dominating enemy Demoman) Depth perception, pal!
• (hitting the baseball with his Sandman bat) I love my ball!
• (after hitting an enemy with the Sandman ball) Oh sorry, I didn't mean to hit ya. Oh wait, yeah I did!
• (swinging his baseball bat) Bada-schwing!
• (picking up baseball) Hey, I found my ball!
• Alright, I feel good!
• (after drinking Bonk! Atomic Punch) I'm a freakin' blur here!
• (after drinking Bonk! Atomic Punch) Wananananana.
• It ain't your day Pancakes!
• No seriously, you all suck.
• Suck it, Bra!
• I don't know who to thank first. Oh I know, ME!

Sniper

• G'day!
• Crikey!
• Boom. headshot.
• Let's see how much blood's in ya!
• You best keep lyin' down...
• No Worries!
• Bloody beaut!
• That funeral ain't gonna be open casket.
• That's some shonky business right there!
• Thanks fer standin' still, wanker!
• Standin' around like a bloody idiot!
• This is going to go be a real piece of piss, you bloody fruit shop owners.
• Everything above your neck's going to be a fine red mist.
• Wave goodbye to ya head, wanker!
• (when throwing Jarate) Bombs away!
• (when throwing Jarate) Jarate!
• God save the Queen!
• Spies, bloody USELESS!
• You got blood on my knife, mate.
• (after delivering headshot) Psssst! He he.
• Should've save a bullet for some of you, blokes!
• You'll be needin' another use for that neck!
• I've slept in the corpse of water buffalo tougher than you!
• All your heads look bloody twelve feet tall!
• You better hold onto your head, mate!
• I'm gonna turn you into colored rain!
• That helmet's gonna make a nice bowl for your brains!
• Keep yubbin' that big mouth, while it's still attached to your bloody neck.
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) The bullets come out of the slim end, mate!
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) All rockets, no brains, eh mate?
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) At ease! Hahaha!
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) I owned ya, ya pickle-headed drongo!
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) Take that, ya rocket-hoppin' simpleton!
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) Ah, lend us ya shovel, so I can dig ya grave!
• (Dominating enemy Soldier) Dominated, ya ploddin' potata-head!
• (Dominating enemy Heavy) I just bagged the worlds fattest man!
• (Revenge) There was you, very full of yourself. Then, very briefly surprised. Then, dead.
• (Dominating)(Sarcastic) Oh my god, you've been shot. Did you get a look at the handsome rogue who did it?
• (Revenge to a Soldier) Here's a touching story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.

Soldier

• Maggots!
• Give 'em hell, boys!
• The worm has turned, gentlemen!
• I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!
• This is my world, you are not welcome in my world!
• If God had wanted you to live he would not have created ME!
• Every one of you deserves a medal!
• Each of every one of you has failed.
• Are you all trying for a Section 8?
• Which of you numbnuts let us down?
• You have dishonored this entire unit.
• You are the sorriest excuses for soldiers I have ever seen!
• Pain is weakness leaving the body!
• Down and give me twenty!
• Get with the program!
• If I have to crack some skulls, I will!
• (losing a match) That was an amazing killing spree… by the other team!
• You are all dishonorably discharged.
• Screamin' eagles!
• The last word out of your sorry mouth will be "Sir!," and it will be loud!
• You are scum! You are nothing but a bunch of cowards!
• You are a spineless worm! You are a mistake of nature! You are walking vomit!
• You are a maggot hatched from a mutant maggot egg!
• You sissified maggot scum have just signed your death warrants!
• I am going to claw my way down your throat and tear out your very soul!
• Take your lumps like a man, Private Twinkletoes.
• Each and every one of you will be sent off to your mama in a box!
• I join this team just to kill maggots like you!
• You are all weak! You are all bleeders!
• (Match starting) Last one alive, lock the door!
• (to Medic) You deserve a medal, doc.
• (successfully capturing enemy intel) I have rescued my Intelligence.
• (alight from a pyro attack) I… am… on… Fi-are!
• (Pushing enemy back) We have you surrounded, at least from this side!
• (On a killing spree) I'm-a execute each and every last one of you!
• (On a killing spree) I'll be sure to inform your next of kin.
• (Capturing a point) Help me commandeer my point!
• (Just defended CP from being captured) Man… on… the… point, numb nuts.
• (Before throwing a grenade into the air to hurt himself and others) C'mere, cupcake.
• (Dominating an enemy) If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) This is not a camping trip, Sheila. This is war- AND I LOVE IT!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) You just got dominated, Bilbo Baggins! (Also: Basbo Bibbins, Barbel Bapkins, Bablo Brabbins, Balbo Biggins)
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) Your country did not prepare you for the level of violence you will meet on my battlefield!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) Aww, am I too violent for you, cupcake?
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) The next time you want to kill a man, look him in the eyes!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) You are a coward, and you've DIED like one!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) I will send my condolences to your kangaroo wife.
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) Now hear this, camper: you are not WANTED on my beloved battlefield!
• (Dominating enemy Sniper) You will NOT turn my battlefield into a camp ground!

Spy

• Gentlemen.
• I never really was on your side.
• They should call you whiners Dr. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• Promise not to bleed on my suit, and I'll kill you quickly.
• (capturing control point) Our influence grows!
• (destroying Engineer's machines) I murdered your toys as well!
• (set on fire) I appear to have burst into flames!
• (set on fire) I do believe I'm on fire.
• (reporting enemy spy) It seems I am not the only spy.
• (upon dominating scout) Here lies scout. He ran fast, and died a virgin.
• After you.
• Shall we?
• Peekaboo!
• I'll be seeing you!
• This will be the last time you see me.

• Just lay your weapons down and walk away.
• You got blood on my suit!
• Oh dear, I've made quite a mess.
• The outcome was never really in doubt.
• You are all incompetent cowards!
• Well, this was a disappointment.
• You know, hiding won't save you.
• Sorry to pop in unannounced.
• (imitating Engineer) Why don't we just give up, pardner?
• (imitating Engineer) Everyone back to base, pardner.
• May I make a suggestion? Run.
• (teleported, to Engineer) Thank you, laborer!
• (dominating a Scout) May I borrow your earpiece? (mimicking Scout) This is Scout! Rainbows make me cry! Over!
• (dominating enemy Scout) Well, off to visit your mother!
• (dominating enemy Scout) Here lies Scout. He ran fast, and died a virgin!
• (dominating a Soldier) At least you died for honor, and my amusement.
• (dominating enemy Demoman) Don't feel bad, you did a fine job throwing your little balls around!
• (dominating enemy Demoman) Kaboom indeed, you drunken wretch!
• (dominating enemy Demoman) The black Scottish cyclops, now extinct!
• (dominating enemy Demoman) I merely finished what your liver started!
• (dominating enemy Heavy) You die as you lived, morbidly obese.
• (upon having Jarate thrown at him) I have been shown who is the boss!
• (upon having Jarate thrown at him) Jarate?!
• (upon having Jarate thrown at him) I HATE you.
• (upon having Jarate thrown at him) Is this...? MON DIEU!
• I'm coming for you!
• I think not.
• But of course.
• Top shelf!
• What a disaster!
• Does it hurt when I do that? It does, doesn't it?!
• With my apologies!

The Announcer

• (arena match lost) You didn't kill any of them!
• (payload cart nearing final point) The cart has almost reached the final terminus! (sometimes followed by a maniacal laugh)
• Attention! Five minutes left in the mission, five minutes left in the mission!
• Overtime!
• (When server glitches upon Overtime on a KOTH map, often called Overspam) Overtime! Overtime! Overtime! Overtime! Overtime! Overtime! Overtime!
• You've failed!
• You've failed. Prepare for sudden death!
• You've failed. Stalemate.
• (arena match starting after a loss) This time, try killing one of them!
• (arena match starting after a loss) Don't fail me again!
• Victory.
• (repeated line) Alert! The enemy has taken our intelligence!
• We have taken the enemy intelligence.
• We have dropped the enemy intelligence!
• You've failed. The enemy has captured our intelligence.
• You've failed. The enemy has secured our intelligence.
• The enemy has dropped our intelligence.
• Success! We have secured the enemy intelligence.
• Time has been added.
• Alert! Our control point is being captured.
• Alert! The control point is being contested!
• Alert! The control point is being captured!
• Alert! Our last control point is being captured!
• Alert! The final control point is being contested!
• Attention! Two minutes left in the mission, two minutes left in the mission!

References

• Team Fortress 2 on Steam – includes links to videos
• Official TF2 Wiki
• Official Team Fortress website