The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

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The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is a 1990 action comedy film about a "rock n' roll" detective who solves crimes in Los Angeles' music scene. The movie starred comedian Andrew 'Dice' Clay, as Ford Fairlane.

Directed by: Renny Harlin. Written by: Joel Silver, Daniel Waters and Steve Perry
Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps. (taglines)

Ford Fairlane[edit]

  • Unfucking believable!
  • So many assholes, So few bullets!
  • Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my dick Tracy?!
  • I am so terrifical I even have my own toll free numba, 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE!
  • Bird Brain, why have you come to my planet!
  • Fuckin' Australians! I hate that country, you know, that continent, whatever the hell it is. Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's lap] What is that? Some kind of giant fucking mouse?
  • [recalling joke he told to Jazz's parents] What's the definition of a vagina? A box a penis comes in.
  • What are you two, Neil and Bob or is that like what you do?
  • Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead.
  • (Notices his strat) Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar, I found my guitar.(Brings it closer and notices its scratched) It's all scratched up, it's all scratched up.

Others[edit]

  • Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss
  • Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup.

Dialogue[edit]

Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye.
Ford: You're a poet and you didn't even know it.
Melodi: You heard Bobby Black od'd right?
Ford: Yeah, so?
Melodi: Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
Ford: I'll let you know when someone pays me to give a shit and stuff!

Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater?
Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe!
Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin.
Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dads penis. Get lost!

Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me?
Ford: Excuse me! You say the F word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here.
Kid: I got something serious to discuss.
Ford: Yeah, what is it? Premature ejaculation?
Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick.
Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you?

Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy.
Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh-
Ford: How much?
Scalper: 300.
Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one.
Scalper: Hey, they blew me.
Ford: 300 coming up!

Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me.
Zu Zu Petals: I don't now.
Ford: Talk to me!
Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on her knees] Help me!
Ford: Hey, baby, a simple thank you would suffice.
Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you!

Zu Zu Petals: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ford: MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!!

Taglines[edit]

  • Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps.
  • He's on the money, off the record, and over the top.
  • Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
  • Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
  • Private Detective. Public Offender.

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]