The Bill Engvall Show
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Bill Engvall 
- I only meant to lie to the kids. You just happened to be in the room
- You kids think you're funny, but you can't take back heart damage.
- Trent: I was happier at third string. The coach leaves you alone and you can hang out and drink Gatorade and you get a great seat for the game.
- Bryan: If I leave, you're gonna start kissing her with your tongue and then she'll get pregnant.
- Bill Engvall: Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.
- Trent: Green.
- Bill Engvall: (short pause) No it's greed.
- Trent: Greed isn't a color.
- Trent: I was an easy birth unlike Watermelon McC-Section over here. (Points at Bryan.)