The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) (also known as The Complete Wrks of Wllm Shkspr (Abridged)) is a parody of the plays written by William Shakespeare, with all of them being performed in shortened form during a single show by only three actors. The play was written by the Reduced Shakespeare Company, and first performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 1987.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) Sourced 
- Austin Tichenor: It is I, omelet, the Cheese Danish!
- Adam Long: !ooB
- Reed Martin: Neither a borrower nor a lender be! Hmph!
- Audience: Maybe, maybe not!
- Austin, Reed, and Adam: Henry IV, Richard III, Phillips a dork and Charles a turd. Go Fergie!
- Adam Long: Behold, where stands the usurper's cursed head! Ah MacBeth, your arse is out the windie!
- Austin Tichenor: (Playing with puppets for the play within a play in Hamlet) Mana mana. Do do doo. Mana mana. Do do do doo. (One puppet whistles at the other. Pause. Puppets engage in intercourse)
- Adam Long: Here's the story of a brother named Othello. He liked white women and he liked...green Jello.
- Adam Long: And Iago loved Dessy like Adonis loved Venus!
- Austin Tichenor: And Desi loved Othello 'cause he had a big--SWORD!
- Austin Tichenor: (dressed as a cook, holding a blood-stained cleaver) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Good evening, gore-mets and welcome to Roman Meals. I'm your host, Titus Andronicus. Now, look, when you've had a long day, your left hand chopped off - BAM! - (reveals a gloved hand to give the appearance of it being cut off), your sons murdered, your daughter raped, her tongue cut out, both her hands chopped off - BAM! BAM! - (mimes chopping), well, the last thing you wanna do is cook, y'know what I mean? Unless, of course, you cook the rapist and serve 'im to his mother at the dinner party!