The Curse of the Jade Scorpion
- Directed and written by Woody Allen.
C. W. Briggs
- I hate her just like I hate that German chancellor with the mustache.
- You have a nicely shaped buttocks.
- It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel.
- A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but...
- They all look the same upside down.
Betty Ann Fitzgerald
- You don't have a kosher bone in your body.
- Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office!
- C. W. Briggs: They say I always get my man.
- Laura Kensington: Me, too.
- Betty Ann Fitzgerald: You're searching my desk!
- C. W. Briggs: I wasn't searching. I was rummaging.
- Chris Magruder: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
- C. W. Briggs: I know, perceptive.
- Betty Ann Fitzgerald: You wormy little ferret!
- C. W. Briggs: Now, you're mixing metaphors.
- Woody Allen - C. W. Briggs
- Helen Hunt - Betty Ann Fitzgerald
- Dan Aykroyd - Chris Magruder
- Brian Markinson - Alvin "Al"
- Wallace Shawn - George Bond
- David Ogden Stiers - Voltan
- Charlize Theron - Laura Kensington
- Elizabeth Berkley - Jill
- Peter Gerety - Ned
- John Schuck - Mize