The Libertine (2005 film)
John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester
- Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now, and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round, you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don't. It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching, and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats. Gentlemen. Do not despair, I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag - and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you, and I will know if you have let me down - I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me, how it is for me, and ponder; Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining, livelong moment. That is it. That is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty; you were not expecting that, I hope. I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester, and I do not want you to like me.
- When I wake in the country, I dream of being in London. When I get here, it's full of people like you.
- Oh, written a new play has he? All those afternoons pretending to slope of and roger his mistress, like a decent chap, he was lurking in his rooms poking away at a play. That is disgusting.
- I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me in theater.
- But life is not a succession of urgent "nows". It's a listless trickle of "why should I's".
- I shall never forgive you for teaching me how to love life.
- [Last Lines] So here he lies at the last. The deathbed convert. The pious debauchee. Could not dance a half measure, could I? Give me wine, I drain the dregs and toss the empty bottle at the world. Show me our Lord Jesus in agony and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my own palms. There I go, shuffling from the world. My dribble fresh upon the bible. I look upon a pinhead and I see angels dancing. Well? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me now? Do you like me... now?
- Any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense
- I thought about putting you in the tower. I even considered putting your head on a spike. But I decided on something worse. I'm going to ignore you. I will no longer encourage any hope in my breast for you. I am condemning you to be you for the rest of your life.
- I'm being pissed on from half-a-dozen directions at once and it don't accord with my majestic dignity.
- Now these Parliament bastards are trying to get me with a new bill to exclude my successors. Subtle. Instead of chopping king's heads off, they pick and choose the ones they want.
Jane: “They say men fall three times. First is calf love; second is the one you marry.”
Rochester: “And third?”
Jane: “Third. Third is your deathbed bride. You sniff ‘er, you sniff your own shroud.”
Rochester: “Ahh…how you have cheered me.”
King Charles II: When did I banish him?
Royal Advisor: Three months ago.
King Charles II: For how long?
Royal Advisor: A year.
King Charles II: Bring him back. Now.
Rochester: Did you miss me?
Jane: I missed the money.
Rochester: Good. I don't like a whore with sentiment.
Rochester: What is your name?
George Etherege: Like master, like servant.
Anne St. John (Rochester's mother): I had understood that you were committed to an engagement in the theater?
Rochester: That would not be appropriate for a man of breeding. [Throws food at his mother]
Rochester: How old are you, Mr Downs?
Billy Downs: Eighteen, my lord.
Rochester: Young man, you will die of this company. [Downs smiles] Do not laugh, I'm serious.
Rochester: This is your first season on the London stage?
Elizabeth Barry: It is, my lord.
Rochester: Mrs. Barry, you must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: The stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time. The envious, never.
King Charles II: I can't get money out of Louis unless I dissolve Parliament, and I can't get money out of Parliament unless I fight Louis.
Rochester: Well, choose.
King Charles II: I need money from both of them.
King Charles II: Give me a major work of literature and I'll give you 500 guineas.
Rochester: When would you like it? Friday?
[Rochester has just had an argument with his wife because he expressed a desire to be painted with a monkey dancing in the street instead of her]
Rochester: I don't mean to upset people, but I must speak my mind. For what's in my mind is far more interesting than what's outside my mind.
Alcock: Makes you impossible to live with, though. You see?
Rochester: Did I once praise you for your blunt manner?
Alcock: It was your reason for employing me.
Rochester: It could as easy be your grounds for dismissal. Now, get me the monkey.
Countess: [contemptuously] Anyone can drink.
Rochester: Only few can match my determination.
Rochester: Ink! Ink! Bring me ink!
[Alcock brings him wine]
Rochester: Not drink, lump! Ink!
King Charles II: I handed you a chance to show your shining talent and what do you give me in return? A pornographic representation of a royal court where the men only deal in buggery and the women's sole object of interest is the dildo!
Rochester: A monument to your reign!
King Charles II: The whole town has you branded as a coward who leaves his friends to die in the street.
Rochester: All men would be cowards if only they had the courage.
King Charles II: Johnny, you finally did something for me.
Rochester: I didn't do it for you, I did it for me.