The Longest Yard (2005 film)
The Longest Yard is a 2005 American sports comedy film and remake of the 1974 film of the same name. The movie features inmates at a prison who play football against their guards. Adam Sandler plays the protagonist, Paul Crewe, an ex pro-football quaterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Burt Reynolds, the original Paul Crewe, plays a major role as Nate Scarborough, the head coach and a former Heisman Trophy winner for Oklahoma in 1955, and Chris Rock as Crewe's cell neighbor and friend known as Caretaker.
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- [after being pulled over by cops] Hey, you can finish that one. I got five more. Take care, guys.
- [on TV after he crashes his girlfriend's car] Hey, Lena! I think we should start seeing other people!
- [After crashing into several cop cars] Good news, boys. I didn't spill my beer.
- Me? No, I was so bad I was picked after the white kids. Guys would look at me and say, "Damn, we picked a nigga that can't play."
- Can you give a brother a little hustle?
- (To Brucie after he got tackled by Torres) Well, tell Ronnie you got knocked the fuck out.
- I knew you couldn't resist my shit. I got the shakes that will make you quake, I got the fries that will cross your eyes, I got the burgers that will... I just got burgers.
- [After Crew nails the crooked referee in the testicles with the football] You gotta always protect the McNuggets!
- (To Megget) You acting like a real McAsshole.
- Well, we may not have the most talented team, but we'll definitely have the meanest.
- You got a lot of balls, Crewe. You played a hell of a game. And don't worry, I know you had nothing to do with Caretaker's murder- and I'll back that up.
- Paul: Huddle up! Look, I'm sure you already know this, but I've never said it out loud. I *did* throw that game. I did it. I was in a bad way with some worse people. After I did it, I felt so shitty, I wish I would have just let them kill me instead. Now the warden wants to pin Caretaker's murder on me if I don't throw *this* game. So it looks like I'm going to get to know you guys a lot better because I ain't doing that twice in a lifetime. We got a little time left. We can still do this. I'm begging you. Put your hands in here. Okay, thank you. Who are we?
- [Team shouts, "Mean Machine!", and takes the field]
- Turley: I'm glad you are back. Now I don't have to stab you.
- Caretaker: Now who we gonna crush?
- Crowd: THE GUARDS!
- Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?
- Crowd: THE GUARDS!
- Caretaker: Who we gonna KISS?
- Brucie: THE GUARDS!
- Caretaker: Gotcha!
- Caretaker: Well, we didn't get the whole chocolate bar, but we got a Hershey's kiss.
- Nate Scarborough: I'll take it.
- Adam Sandler as Paul "Wrecking" Crewe
- Chris Rock as James "Caretaker" Farrell
- Burt Reynolds as Coach Nate Scarborough
- Nelly as Earl Megget
- Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss
- Bill Goldberg as Joey "Battle" Battaglio
- Terry Crews as "Cheeseburger" Eddy
- Bob Sapp as Switowski
- Nicholas Turturro as Brucie
- The Great Khali as Turley
- Lobo Sebastian as Torres
- Joey Diaz as Tony
- Rob Schneider as Plunky
- David Patrick Kelly as Unger
- Eddie Bunker as Doc "Skitchy" Rivers
- Steve Reevis as "Baby Face" Bob Rainwater
- Tracy Morgan as Miss Tucker
- James Cromwell as Warden Rudolph Hazen
- William Fichtner as Cpt. Wilhem Knauer
- Kevin Nash as Sgt. Engleheart
- Steve Austin as Guard Dunham
- Brian Bosworth as Guard Garner
- Michael Papajohn as Guard Papajohn
- Conrad Goode as Guard Webster
- Bill Romanowski as Guard Lambert
- Cloris Leachman as Lynette Grey
- Allen Covert as Referee
- Jim Rome as Himself
- Chris Berman as Himself
- Lauren Sanchez as Herself
- Patrick Bristow as Walt
- Adam Schefter as Himself
- Peter King as Himself
- Courteney Cox as Lena (uncredited)
- Dan Patrick as Police Officer