The Lost Room

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The Lost Room is a science fiction television miniseries that aired on the Sci Fi Channel in 2006.

The Key and the Clock[edit]

Henchman: What does the gun do?
Joe Miller: It shoots bullets really fast.

Wally Jabrouski: Oh. Sorry. I mean... Sorry. You forget to be human sometimes.

Wally Jabrouski: For your crimes against common courtesy and decency, I condemn you to Hell!

[Joe is forcing Montague to strip down in search of Objects]
Joe Miller: Underpants too, Montague.
Howard Montague: This is ridiculous! My underwear is not an Object.
Joe Miller: Then I'm sure you won't miss them.

Anna Miller: Stuff keeps disappearing in the room.
Joe Miller: What room?
Anna Miller: The magic room.

Wally Jabrouski: It's an Object.
Joe Miller: ... Yeah?
Wally Jabrouski: One of many...?

[At Montague's hideout, Joe picks up a philosophical book]
Joe Miller: You really believe in this stuff?
Howard Montague: I used to teach it, before I was unjustly terminated.

Joe Miller: According to the transfer, someone tried to buy this key for two million dollars.
Lou Destefano: I'd pay three.

Howard Montague: This is your plan, huh? You're remodeling?

Howard Montague: There's still a door here?
Joe Miller: Sometimes they build over them.
Howard Montague: Sometimes?

Anna Miller: Timmy brought in a huge earthworm.
Joe Miller: Yeah?
Anna Miller: I touched it. Disgusting.
Joe Miller: Ew, yeah. Come here. Lemme see your hand. Aw, I can still feel the slime!

Joe Miller: So, what do you want to watch tonight?
Anna Miller: Nemo.
Joe Miller: Again? How about Abbot and Costello? Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein?
Anna Miller: Nemo.
Joe Miller: Come on, it's got Frankenstein in it!

Iggy Loca: I feel like I'm gonna puke.
Joe Miller: I'll bet you do.

[Jennifer is smashing radio sets.]
Joe Miller: Make sure you get all of them.
Jennifer Bloom: You can't destroy an Object. Haven't you learned anything yet?

Jennifer Bloom: It's supposed to make you three inches taller if you tune it to the right station.
Joe Miller: Fascinating.

The Comb and the Watch Box[edit]

Harold Stritzke: What'll happen if I open this door?
Joe Miller: Without The Key, you'll die instantly.
Harold Stritzke: ... Really?
Joe Miller: Yeah. Really.

[Harold is trying all the various combs in search of The Comb]
Joe Miller: ... You know what, don't bother. Objects don't work in the room.
Harold Stritzke: Says you.
Joe Miller: Oh yeah? Did you try that one there?

Joe Miller: How will I know if it works?
Harold Stritzke: Well, it'll be pretty ob-
[Joe has just used The Comb, stopping time momentarily, until it ends and he stumbles from dizziness]
Harold Stritzke: -vious. Oh, hey, look, you did it!

[Jennifer is admiring Barbara Stritzke's various hunting paraphernalia]
Jennifer Bloom: Looks like Barbara was a pretty good shot.
[Joe wanders into Harold's room, covered with Peeping Tom photos]
Joe Miller: Looks like her nephew's a Peeping Tom.

Wally Jabrouski: I don't believe in ghosts. Uh-uh.
Joe Miller: What, no ghosts?
Wally Jabrouski: Nope.
Joe Miller: Oh sure, a magic bus ticket, no problems, but ghosts? No way.

Susan Kang: This guy posts on a motorhead forum with an inquiry as to why this pair of glasses would prevent his car from starting.
Martin Rueber: Um...?
Susan Kang: The glasses inhibit combustion.

Susan Kang: Can I see it? (The Key)
Joe Miller: Can I point my gun at you?

Susan Kang: It dampens entropy within a limited radius.
Joe Miller: I must have been absent that day.
Susan Kang: It prevents things from decaying.

The Eye and the Occupant[edit]

Joe Miller: Wally, you can't send teenage girls to Hell.
Wally Jabrouski: Why? If you ask me, teenage girls are the ones that deserve it the most.

Susan Kang: They rotate things. (The Scissors)
Joe Miller: What, are you supposed to spin plates with them?
Susan Kang: Dude, if you want to theorize, I'm going to charge you another grand.

[A brand new door has been built in the middle of Karl's living room.]
Joe Miller: Aw, Karl, you shouldn't have.

Karl Kreutzfeld: They (The Cufflinks) lower blood pressure. It might be a placebo, but something's working.

Joe Miller: Ohh... Rotate things...

Joe Miller: You might want to take a step back...
Karl Kreutzfeld: Why?
Joe Miller: I don't want to breathe metallic gas, do you?

Wally Jabrouski: What? A guy can't sing to his bus ticket?

Wally Jabrouski: An extra person? What's an extra person?

Howard Montague: There's a guy Object? I mean... there's an Object that's a guy?

Sood's Assistant: Appointment only!
Joe Miller: Look, just tell the Sood I want to apologize for-
Sood's Assistant: [With gun at ready] Appointment only!
Joe Miller: Well, can I make an appointment?
Sood's Assistant: [From window] No!

Joe Miller: Is that really a gun in your pocket?
Howard Montague: Yes.
[Joe grabs Montague's hand.]
Howard Montague: Ow...

Howard Montague: Great. I'll drive.
Joe Miller: Give me your keys.
Howard Montague: What? But... This is all I have...