The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (Japanese: 涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱, Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūtsu) is a Japanese science-fiction comedy anime, based on the same title novel.

Note: All episodes are listed in order of chronological progression, as opposed to the anachronic broadcasting order.

Recurring Quotes

Mikuru: That's classified information.

---

[ everyone ]: ... three years ago ...

Season 1 (2006)

Episode 1: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 1

Kyon: [Narrating] Okay, asking somebody how long they believed in Santa Claus is so stupid. You can't even consider the topic suitable for idle conversation. But if you still wanna know how long I believed in some old fat guy who wears a funky red suit, I can tell you this: I've never believed in him, ever. The Santa that showed up at my kindergarten Christmas festival, I knew he was fake. And I never saw mommy kissing Santa or anything. But I have to say, even as a little kid, I knew better than to believe in some old man who worked one day a year. Now, having said that, it wasn't til I got older that aliens, time travelers, ghosts, monsters, espers, the evil syndicates and the anime/manga/fantasy flick heroes that fight said evil syndicates, who are also fake. Okay, I guess I always knew those things were bogus, I just didn't wanna admit it. All I ever wanted was for an alien, time traveler, ghost, monster, esper, evil syndicate, or the hero that fought them to just appear and say "Hey". Unfortunately, reality is a harsh road indeed. Yep, you gotta admit, the laws of physics definitely puts a damper on things. I even stopped watching those TV shows about aliens and ghosts and stuff. Aliens, time travelers, espers; of course they don;t exist, but a little part of me wishes that they did. I guess I've grown up and realized I can think about those things and still accept reality. But by the time I got out of junior high, I pretty much outgrew that kind of stuff and I guess I got used to the idea of living in an ordinary world. Just like that, I was in high school...that's when I met her.

---

[Haruhi introduces herself to the rest of her class]

Haruhi: I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, from East Junior High. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all!

Kyon: [Thinking] Is that supposed to be funny?

---

Haruhi: Feelings of love are just a temporary lapse in judgment. Like a mental illness.

---

[Kyon is talking with Haruhi before homeroom the day after Haruhi got her hair cut.]

Kyon: [Narrating] Ever since that day, talking to Haruhi right before homeroom started becoming sort of a ritual. [Aloud] So, is it true that you've dumped every you've ever dated?

Haruhi: And just what gives you the right to ask me a question like that? I don't know about anything you've heard. Whatever. You wanna believe it? It's probably true.

Kyon: Well, with all that dating, isn't there at least one guy you were even a little serious about?

Haruhi: Absolutely not. They all took themselves way too seriously, and not even one of those dorks was an alien, time traveler, or even an esper.

Kyon: That's how people are normally.

Haruhi: Okay, so what's with most of them asking me out over the phone? I mean, shouldn't important stuff like that be done face-to-face, not phone-to-phone?

Kyon: [Narrating] I'll just agree with her for now...

Haruhi: Yeah, well none of that's important anyway!

Kyon: So what is?

Haruhi: Here's the problem: so far the way it looks is that all the men in this entire universe are pathetic. I mean, all through junior high, that was the one thing that irritated me the most.

Kyon: Alright then, so what kind of guy would you have been into? An alien or something?

Haruhi: Yeah. Anything like an alien or something else along those lines. Anyway, as long as the person isn't an ordinary human, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

Kyon: Hold on a sec. What's wrong with being human? I mean, why do they have to be an alien?

Haruhi: Because that way, life's more interesting!

---

[Haruhi leaves the classroom and Taniguchi approaches Kyon's desk.]

Taniguchi: Hey, Kyon. You need to tell me what kind of magic spell you're using!

Kyon: What're you talking about?

Taniguchi: I have never seen Suzumiya talk that long before, and I'm not exaggerating, man! What they hell'd you say to her?

Kyon: [Thinking] Huh...Wonder what I could have said to her...I think it was all pretty random stuff.

Taniguchi: This is a phenomenon.

Kunikida: Kyon's always gone after the strange ones. The weirder the better.

Kyon: Little louder, please, so everyone can hear you. [Ryoko approaches Kyon]

Ryoko: I wanna know how you did it. No matter how much I try to talk to her, I can't get Haruhi to answer any of my questions. What do you do to get her to open up? Do you have any tips for me?

Kyon: [Crosses arms] No idea.

Ryoko: Hm...Still, I think it's a good thing. I've been sort of worried about her always completely alone in our class. I think it's really great that she's made at least one friend here.

Kyon: A friend, huh?

Ryoko: Well, just keep doing whatever you're doing, 'cause maybe she'll warm up to the rest of us. I mean, since we're all in the same class, it'd really be for the best if everyone got along. And that's why I'm counting on you.

Kyon: [Thinking] Easy for you to say.

Ryoko: In fact, from now on, if there's ever anything we need to say to her, we'll just talk to you and you can tell her for us.

Kyon: [Aloud] Hey, hang on a sec. What do you think I am? Am I supposed to be your spokesperson or something?

Ryoko: [Folds hands and closes an eye.] Pretty please? [Runs back over to a group of girls who giggle in Kyon's direction. Taniguchi then grabs Kyon by the shoulders and starts rocking him back and forth.]

Taniguchi: Kyon, we're buddies, aren't we? We're pals, right?

Kyon: [Thinking] Everyone's turned into an idiot.

---

Kyon: You can't do anything about what doesn't exist. In the end humans settle for what's in front of them. If you think about it, humas who were unable to do that made discoveries or inventions and advanced civilization. Planes were invented because people wanted to fly. Cars and trains came to be because people wanted easier means to move around. However, this came from a limited number of people who had innovative plans and concepts. In other words, geniuses made it all possible. Common folk like us are best off living an ordinary life.

Episode 2: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 2

[Haruhi has just blackmailed the Computer Society President into surrendering his most advanced computer to the SOS Brigade]

Haruhi: Then I'll tell everyone at school that all you geeks ganged up on her and <BLEEP>ed her.

---

Haruhi: Hey, Kyon! Can you think of anything else we're gonna need right now?

Kyon...: What do you mean?

Haruhi: I wanna get my hands on a mysterious transfer student! What do you think of that?

Kyon...: I beg you... please start the conversation by making the context clear.

Haruhi: It's exactly what the SOS Brigade needs! We need something like a mysterious transfer student!

Kyon...: Okay, before you kidnap anyone else, what do you mean by "mysterious"?

Haruhi: Check it out: school started less than two months ago, right? So I'm thinkin' that anybody who transfers into our school right now has to be mysterious. Am I right?

Kyon...: Maybe the kid's dad got relocated because of work.

Haruhi: Oh, work with me here! It's not normal!

Kyon...: I'd sorta like to know what you consider "normal," but I'm almost afraid to ask.

---

Yuki: There might be discrepancies in the transmission of data.

---

Yuki: I am not referring to the absence of universally accepted personality traits; what I mean is literal, that Haruhi and I are not like other organic lifeforms such as yourself.

Episode 3: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 3

Haruhi: Listen! This isn't fun and games! You mess around and I'll kill ya!

Episode 4: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 4

Ryoko: I'm getting bored and just fed up watching something that doesn't seem to be changing at all. That's why…I'm going to kill you and see how Miss Suzumiya reacts.

---

Kyon.: Stop kidding around! You're gonna hurt someone with that! Even if that's a rubber knife, you're scaring the hell out of me!

Ryoko: You think it's a…joke? Huh. You don't want to die? You don't want me to kill you? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the concept of death regarding organic lifeforms.

Kyon.: Okay, this isn't funny anymore! I don't know why you're doing this, but please, just put the knife down!

Ryoko: I can't, because whether you care about it or not, I really do want you to die.

---

Ryoko: Oh please, won't you just give up? You're going to die no matter what, so let me kill you.

---

Yuki: I forgot to recreate the glasses.

Kyon: Oh, it's okay. I think you look cuter without them. Besides, I don't have a glasses fetish.

Yuki: ...what's a glasses fetish?

Kyon: N-Never mind! Forget I said anything!

Yuki: ...I see.

Taniguchi: [enters] What is up? I for-for-forgot my bag. Eh? AHHH!

Kyon: [thinking] Mom, Dad, if you saw how me and Nagato were positioned right now...you'd probably think we were getting it on as well.

Taniguchi: Okay...TAKE YOUR TIME! [quickly exits]

Episode 5: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 5

Haruhi: You know, Kyon...have you ever realized just how insignificant your existence on this planet really is?

Kyon...: [thinking] Now what is she talking about?

Haruhi: It happened to me. And I'll never forget it. Back when I was in the sixth grade, my whole family went out to go watch a baseball game at the stadium. I didn't really care about baseball, but I was surprised by what I saw when we got there. Everywhere I looked, I saw people. On the other side of the stadium, the people looked so small, like little moving grains of rice. It was so crowded. I thought that everyone in Japan had to be packed in there. So I turned to my dad and asked him, "Do you know how many people are here right now"? He said since the stadium was full, probably fifty thousand. After the game, the street was filled with people and I was really shocked to see that, too. To me, it seemed like there was a ton of people there. But then, I realized it could only be a tiny fraction of all the people in Japan. When I got home, I pulled out my calculator. In social studies, I'd learned that the population of Japan was a hundred some odd million. So I divided that by fifty thousand. The answer was one two-thousandth. That shocked me even more. I was only one little person in that big crowded stadium filled with people, and believe me, there were so many people there, but it was just a handful of the entire population. Up till then, I always thought that I was, I don't know, kind of a special person. It was fun to be with my family. I had fun with my classmates. And the school that I was going to, it had just about the most interesting people anywhere. But that night, I realized it wasn't true. All the stuff we did during class that I thought was so fun and cool, was probably happening just like that in classes in other schools all over Japan. There was nothing special about my school at all. When I realized that, it suddenly felt like the whole world around me started to fade into a dull gray void. Brushing my teeth and going to sleep at night, waking up and eating breakfast in the morning, that stuff happened all over the place. They were everyday things that everybody was doing. When I thought about it like that, everything became boring. If there's really that many people in the world, then there had to be someone who wasn't ordinary. There had to be someone who was living an interesting life. There just had to be. But why wasn't I that person? So, that's how I felt till I finished elementary school. And then I had another realization. I realized fun things wouldn't come my way just by waiting for them. I thought when I got into junior high, it was time for me to make a change. I'd let the world know I wasn't a girl who was happy sitting around waiting. And I've done my best to become that person. But in the end, nothing happened. More time went by and before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought that something would change.

[A train approaches and rushes by]

Kyon...: [thinking] The passing train gave me a moment to think about my response. Should I voice an opposing viewpoint? Maybe I should wax philosophical about her dilemma. [aloud] ...I see. [thinking] I must be getting melancholic if that's the best I could come up with.

---

Haruhi: If there's really that many people in the world, then there had to be someone who wasn't ordinary. There had to be someone who was living an interesting life. There just had to be. Why wasn't I that person?

---

Itsuki: Sometimes I get the feeling that we're all just a bunch of clowns standing on our tiptoes at the edge of a great abyss.

---

Itsuki: I don't know how I know, I just know that I know, y'know?

Episode 6: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 6

Itsuki:The top brass at the organization is seriously panicked, right now. Nobody knows what will happen to the "real world," now that we've lost our Deity. If Miss Suzimiya is feeling merciful, we might get to keep on living, on this side of the bubble.

---

Itsuki: You're the new Adam and Eve. Go on, procreate, increase the population.

Kyon..: I'll punch you for that!

---

Itsuki: Well, I don't think we can deny the distinct possibility that the world we are in now was freshly created, by Her, last night! In any case, it's an honor to meet you and Miss Suzumiya again. <laughing softly> Be seeing you after class!

---

Yuki: You and Haruhi Suzumiya dissappeared from this world for two hours and thirty minutes.

---

Mikuru: <Gasp!> KYON! <Tearfully> I'm so glad you're back! I'm so glad to see you again! I thought ... I mean ... you'd NEVER make it back!

Kyon..: Miss Asahina ...

Mikuru:No-no-no-no-no!!! If Miss Suzumiya saw us together, it'd be like birds of a feather repeating their mistakes again!

Episode 7: The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya

Kyon: On the day of the tournament, I was wondering if it was possible to make it rain. You know, a big one that'd cancel the game with a rain delay.

Yuki: It is possible, but I would advise against it.

Kyon: Yeah, why's that?

Yuki: Any alteration of the regional climate could possibly have devastating aftereffects on the ecosystem of the planet.

Kyon: And about when would these aftereffects happen?

Yuki: Several hundred to ten thousand years.

Kyon: Then I guess we'd better not try to do that, right?

Yuki: Right.

Episode 11: The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina Episode 00

Tsuruya: I can't take you seriously when you're dressed like that! I'm sorry, Mikuru, but I'm being controlled by the alien right now. Here goes nothing!

---

Tsuruya: [mockingly] That's amazing, Mikuru! We're counting on you! The Earth is in your-- [breaks into uncontrollable and hysterical laughter]

---

Mikuru: Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam!

Episode 12: Live Alive

Haruhi: ... After all, our goal each year should be to increase the NUMBER of goals we set for ourselves!

Episode 13: The Day of Sagittarius

[the SOS Brigade prepares for its engagement against the Computer Club]

Kyon: Hey, Haruhi, don't you think it'd be better if you pulled your ships back a little bit? Your fleet shouldn't be so far in front of us.

Haruhi: What are you talking about?! I wanna shoot beams and missiles at the enemy too!

Kyon: Look, when you're playing shogi or chess, the king isn't the one who charges into enemy territory.

Haruhi: Oh, yeah. Good thinking. Okay, Kyon, you guys take care of it. Go find the enemy leader and give him a good pummeling with your cannons! And make sure you win! I want you to take those fools from the Computer Club… AND BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THOSE GEEK BOYS!

Kyon: [thinking] Wouldn't it be better if we just raised the white flag now? [aloud] Well, I guess that's not gonna be an option today.

---

Kyon: [thinking] Every day, I hang out with an alien, a time traveler, and an esper...and I'm still as sane and objective as ever. Hmm...I wonder if that makes me special or something. I'm sure Lacan's dying to have a word with me!

Itsuki: You seem worried. Is something wrong?

Kyon..: [aloud] Nope. I was just thinking about how awesome I am for being able to cope with this absurd situation. And if you ask me, I think I'm due for a little praise.

Itsuki: You're right. Well, would you like me to give you some words of praise, then?

Kyon..: You praising me won't make me any happier. All it will do is make me think you've got something up your sleeve.

Itsuki: [laughs] True enough!

---

Haruhi: It's time to launch the <BLEEP>dams!

---

[Haruhi, Kyon, and Itsuki's fleets are caught in a clusterfuck, to put things bluntly]

Itsuki: Let's calm down. The enemy is shooting at us.

---

Haruhi: Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running ten laps around the school, naked! And you'll have to yell "Green Martians are chasing me!" for the whole ten laps!

---

[the Computer Society President is gloating, unaware that Yuki has managed to turn the tables on him]

Computer Society President: Nice, very nice! I was a little worried there when they fired up the squadron mode, but we still have the advantage! We see them, but they can't see us! Time to wrap this up. DESTROY THEM! ANNIHILATE THE SOS BRIGADE!

---

[the SOS Brigade mounts its final offensive against the Computer Club]

Kyon: Say good night!

Haruhi: [over the radio] Damn you, Kyon! That's my enemy!

---

[Yuki drives the Computer Society President into a trap laid by the other SOS Brigadiers]

Kyon: Wow, he's driving his fleet right into our sights.

Itsuki: Like a mouse caught in a trap.

Mikuru: Uh, am I supposed to shoot this thing?

Haruhi: I don't get what just happened, but great job, guys! All ships, open fire! Go out there and burn the enemy leader with all the fires of hell!

[the SOS Brigade's combined fleets gang up on the Computer Society President's own and annihilate it except for the flagship, which attempts to escape]

Haruhi: He's getting away!

[Yuki fires the main gun of her flagship at the Computer Society President's ship and destroys it]

Computer Society President: [as his ship is exploding around him] This isn't happening! GLORY TO THE COMPUTER CLUB!

Yuki's computer: YOU WIN

Film: The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya

Kyon: [Narrating] The morning of December 16. It was so cold. And I mean cold that if you took an ice pick and plunged it into the ground, you'd shatter the earth into a million pieces. It was nice and warm up until the school arts festival, but when December hit, the temperature dropped super-fast, like it was making up for lost time or something. It was like Japan just decided to skip Fall this year. Or, better yet, maybe the guy upstairs confused a prayer for more business with a spell to change the weather or something. Siberian air mass...seriously, I know you have to stick to your route and all, but you could skip us once in a while. It's like the seasons are out of whack or something. Oh great, now I'm worried about the environment. Yeah, well, I might be worried, but it's not like I'm gonna do anything about it. Too much work.

Cast

• Haruhi Suzumiya - Aya Hirano (Japanese), Wendee Lee (English)
• Kyon - Tomokazu Sugita (Japanese), Crispin Freeman (English)
• Yuki Nagato - Minori Chihara (Japanese), Michelle Ruff (English)
• Mikuru Asahina - Yuko Goto (Japanese), Stephanie Sheh (English)
• Itsuki Koizumi - Daisuke Ono (Japanese), Johnny Yong Bosch (English)

External links

• Suzumiya Haruhi no yûutsu quotes at the Internet Movie Database