The Mighty Boosh
From Wikiquote
The Mighty Boosh (2004- ) is a surreal cult comedy which started as a stage show and then as a radio programme. It began on television as a show about two slightly hapless zookeepers under the supervision of Bob Fossil (Rich Fulher). It then took place in a shop, "Nabootique," in Camden Town in series 2 & 3 and has grown in popularity and acclaim.
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[edit] Series 1
[edit] Killeroo
- Howard Moon: (Introduction) I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche.
- Bob Fossil: Note to self: Pocket cup....
[edit] Mutants
- Howard: Howard Moon freed the mutant race, and in doing so will be remembered as a kind of modern day Spartacus.
- Bob Fossil: [Addressing children] Why are you people so small? I can rest my drinks on your heads.
[edit] Bollo
- Ape of Death: Now, prepare to die!
- Howard: Aren't I already dead?
- Ape of Death: Yeah, but it hurts more the second time.
- Mr Susan: Choose the wrong mirror and you will be trapped here forever with nothing but your own reflection for company! Hee, hee, hee!
- Vince: Yeah, okay. Sounds good.
[edit] Tundra
- Howard: Just imagine the headlines; "Howard Moon, colon, Explorer." Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
- Vince: "Colon explorer"? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.
- Dixon Bainbridge: I understand it took Howard Moon one month to grow that moustache. Check the insect cabinet, I think we're one caterpillar short!
[edit] Jungle
- Tommy: There are only two kinds of men who venture into the jungle at this time of night: a fool or an idiot.
- Vince: Who are you?
- Rudi: I go by many names.
- Vince: Well, what are they, then?
- Rudi: I'm getting round to that in my own good mystical time.
[edit] Charlie
- Vince: It's impossible to be unhappy in a poncho.
- Vince: You know the black bits in banana's? Are they tarantula's egg's?
[edit] Electro
- Vince: Driving along on a plastic dream, heart beats fast like a tiny machine, I am electro boy, I am electro girl. Sailing along on a Perspex sea, crystal moccasins, bionic cheese, I am electro boy, I am electro girl.
- The Spirit of Jazz: Chica-chic-ow... OW! Man, my hat's on fire! What's wrong with you? You blind? Why didn't you tell me?
- Howard: Sorry, I thought it was your look.
- The Spirit of Jazz: No, it ain't my look!
[edit] Hitcher
- Howard: Who are you, dealing out stories in chunks? Johnny Segment?
- Bob Fossil: Technically, you're not a Peeping Tom if it's one of your relatives.
[edit] Series 2
[edit] The Call of the Yeti
- Vince: The tie is a multi-purpose accessory! Belt, schoolboy, Rambo...
- Kodiac Jack: Book? No book will help you when there's a grizzly on the loose. [throws it out the window and knocks out a grizzly bear]
[edit] The Priest and the Beast
- Rudi: Feel the power of my fusion lick!
- Spider: [After being knocked over by the sound of Rudi's guitar] Ohhh, my pancreas...
- Rudi: Is it so wrong for a man to love his guitar?
- Spider: It is when he puts his balls inside it and strums himself to ecstasy!
[edit] Nanageddon
- Vince: Goth Juice... the most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
- Vince: Where could she be? How do we find an old lady?
- Howard: An old Comanche Indian saying; "The best place to hide a leaf is in the forest."
- Vince: You think she's in the forest?
[edit] The Fountain of Youth
- Howard: I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me.
- Vince: Howard? Do you think it's going to be all right?
- Howard: No. We're going to die in the most horrific way known to man.
- Vince: We had some good times though, didn't we?
- Howard: Yeah... Remember the time we had that soup?
- Vince: [Laughs] That was brilliant.
- Both: Soup, soup, a tasty soup, soup, a spicy carrot and coriander.
- Vince: Chili chowder!
- Both: Crouton, crouton, crunchy friends in a liquid broth. I am gazpacho, oh, I am a summer soup, oh! Miso, miso! Fighting in the dojo, miso, miso! Oriental prince in the land of soup!
- Vince: Ah, classic times.
- Howard: Crazy days.
[edit] The Legend of Old Gregg
- Fisherman: Some say he used to drum for the Kaiser Chiefs. Actually, not many people say that. In fact, it's just me who says that.
- [Talking about Old Gregg.]
- Lucian: Some say he's half man, half fish. Others say its more of a 70/30 split. Whatever the percentage, he's one fishy bastard.
- Colin: Some say he's a ghost; can't catch what don't exist... Hook goes right through him.
- Lucian: Some say he's acquired the taste of human meat, won't respond to conventional bait; only way to hook him is to use a child's toe.
- The Moon: Some say Old Gregg is like a big fish finger, but big like, umm... like a garage. As big as a garage. Imagine a fish finger as big as a garage! Oooh, its a big one!
[edit] The Nightmare of Milky Joe
- Howard: Okay, we've got to pool our resources. Tweezers, matches, twine, geological hammer. What have you got?
- Vince: Kings of Leon CD.
- Howard: Great. Well, that's useless, isn't it?
- Vince: It's not useless, it's a blinding album. Better than their first one, and they came up with it really quickly.
- Howard: Thanks, NME. It's useless to us on a desert island though, isn't it?
- Vince: Well, it does double up as a mirror. [stares at his reflection in the CD]
- Howard: I've actually written a short piece whilst on the island called "Isolation." Perhaps I could play it now?
- Vince: Erm, maybe later.
- Howard: Yeah, maybe later.
- Vince: Maybe not at all.
- Howard: ...Yeah, maybe later.
[edit] Series 3
[edit] Eels
- Howard: The tweed utility patch: scuffproof, weatherproof, even bulletproof sir.
- The Hitcher: Are you bulletproof, boy?
- Howard: ...Don't know.
- Eleanor: I'm a woman in the prime of her life who needs love-squeezins!
[edit] Journey to the Centre of the Punk
- Howard: What are you angry about?
- Vince: Government.
- Howard: Government? Ooohh.
- Vince: And climate change.
- Howard: Climate change?
- Vince: It's getting hot, Howard. Haven't you noticed?
- Howard: Why do you care about that? Because it makes your hair a little more difficult to straighten?
- Vince: That, and it's a bit clammy.
- Vince: I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!
[edit] The Power of the Crimp
- Vince: All he needs now is a tall northern jazzy freak with a moustache and no dress sense.
- Howard: Is this how you win people over?
- Vince: Ah, look, I can't express myself like you! I haven't got a pencil case story! He's tryin' to drive a wedge between us! We've got history! We're like ying and yang!
- Howard: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna take him up on his offer, you know. I don't need him. I've already got a shallow mate who dresses like a... futuristic prostitute.
- Vince: [smiles] Thanks, Howard.
- Vince, Howard, Naboo and Bollo:
- Tube Mouse, i love you so
- I took you from the underground
- And brought you home
- Put you in my jacket pocket
- And took you to the meeting
- Put you in my jacket pocket
- And took you to the meeting
[edit] The Strange Tale of the Crack Fox
- Howard: I'm going to Jazzercise. Working out to hot be-bop. Circuit training to John Coltrane.
- Tony Harrison: What's he looking at?
- Dennis: Nobody knows. Kirk is journeying far into the astral realm.
- Tony Harrison: He's off his tits!
[edit] Party
- Tony Harrison: I have bought not one, not two, but three crates of poppers! We are having it large!
- Dennis: Where is Mrs. Harrison in all this?
- Tony Harrison: She's staying with her sister in Bournemouth. I just have to find a quiet spot, tell her I'm going to bed at half nine and carte blanche! I am greenlit the whole way!
- Tony Harrison: Feel my multi-hexagonal textured alien barbed penis!
[edit] The Chokes
- Bob Fossil: Hey, Moon, you look like Zorro on Gay Night. [pauses as Howard says nothing] Nice comeback?
- Montgomery Flange: Lesson 49: Object Animation. What do you see in front of you?
- Howard Moon: A pencil.
- Montgomery Flange: A pencil? No, no, no! Look, it's Niagara Falls, it's a seagull, it's cheese in the shape of a question mark! It's anything you bloody want it to be! You try!... Come on!
- Howard Moon: I don't know what to do. I can't make it into anything else. It's just a pencil, you stupid old git!
- Montgomery Flange: YES! You've found the truth! You're an actor now and I'm as hard as the cobra!
[edit] From the 2006 Tour
- Rudi: [to a heckler] Shut your mouth, or I shall fly at you like a bag of cocks.
- Vince: And you will receive him like a satchel of vaginas. Tag team putdowns.
- Vince: [as a Russian woman] Last time you gave me pie, I cut into it with my tiny pie-cutter, and millions of birds flew out, hitting me in the eyes and the temples! I was confused! T'was a trick pie!
- Vince: Howard Moon: Jazz Maverick, Novelist, Cyclist, Genre-Spanner, Rider of the Penny Farthing, Stamp Collector...
- Howard: [Introducing Vince] Vince Noir; Electro... Poof!
- The Hitcher: Two hundred years inside that box! For crimes against humanity! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I raped a dolphin. But technically it was a porpoise. But one blow-hole's the same as the next to me!
- [Rudi and The Hitcher are swordfighting.]
- Rudi: You'll never win, you know.
- The Hitcher: Oh, yeah? Why's that?
- Rudi: Because I taught you everything you know.
- The Hitcher: You might have taught me everything I know, but you didn't teach me everything you know.
- Rudi: ... What does that mean?
- The Hitcher: Ah, fuck it. [they continue to fight]
[edit] Taglines
- Come with us now, on a journey through time and space, to the world of The Mighty Boosh!
- The Boosh is loose and we're a little bit raw!
- The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a shark with knees!
- The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a wet flannel!
- The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a typhoon with the flu!
- Boosh! Boosh! Stronger than a moose! Don't lock your door or we'll come through your rooftop!
- The Boosh is loose; see it or throw your eyes in the bin!
[edit] Cast
- Noel Fielding - Vince Noir/Various
- Julian Barratt - Howard Moon /Various
- Michael Fielding - Naboo
- Dave Brown - Bollo/Various
- Rich Fulcher - Bob Fossil/Various
- Matt Berry - Dixon Bainbridge
- Victoria Wicks - Mrs Gideon
- Richard Ayoade - Saboo

