- I'm an angel. I kill firstborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why.
- Do you know how you got that dent, in your top lip? Way back, before you were born, I told you a secret, then I put my finger there and I said "Shhhhh!"
- Study your math, kids. Key to the universe!
- Some people lose their faith because Heaven shows them too little. But how many people lose their faith because Heaven showed them too much?
- Did you ever notice how in the Bible, when ever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?
- God? God is love. I don't love you.
- I was the first angel, loved once above all others. [sing-song] But like all true love... one day it withered on the vine...
- Other angels have made this war because they hate you, you and all humans. God has put you in his grace and pushed them aside. They're desperate. They've never been able to conquer the other loyal angels, and so this war has remained in stalemate for thousands of years. And while this state of affairs endures, no soul can meet its god. Your parents, and their parents, and so on from the beginning lie still in wormy earth. Of course, some of them do come to me eventually, for while heaven may be closed I am always open, even on Christmas.
- You see, I'm not here to help, you little bitch, because I love you or because I care for you, but because two hells is one hell too many, and I can't have that.
- Humans... and how I love you talking monkeys for this... know more about war and treachery of the spirit than any angel.
- Little Tommy Daggett. How I loved listening to your sweet prayers every night. And then you would jump into bed, so afraid that I was under there. And I was!
- Do you know what Hell really is, Thomas? It's not lakes of burning oil or chains of ice. It's being removed from God's sight, of having His word taken from you. It's hard to believe, Thomas, so hard. I know that better than anyone.
- [shrill whisper] I love you! I love you more than Jesus!
- Simon: Do you believe that you are a part of God's plan?
- Thomas Daggett: That's a complicated question.
- Simon: No it isn't.
- Joseph: He's also a hermaphrodite. [lifts the sheet covering the corpse so Thomas can see] He's got both male and female sex organs.
- Thomas Daggett: Think of the possibilities!
- Joseph: Yeah, you can be impotent and frigid all at the same time.
- Simon: I'm so tired of this war.
- Gabriel: Reject the lie Simon. Join us! Help us make it like it was before the monkeys. You remember? We cast out Lucifer's army, you and I. We threw their rebel thrones from the wall.
- Simon: They wanted to be gods.
- Gabriel: I don't wanna be a god, Simon. I just wanna make it like it was, before the lie. When He loved us best.
- Lucifer: Hello, Catherine. We must talk.
- Catherine: [overwhelmed] No... I can't...
- Lucifer: I can lay you out and fill your mouth with your mother's feces... or we can talk.
- Lucifer: Think, Thomas. What is the one thing essential to an angel, the thing that holds his entire being together?
- Thomas Daggett: Faith.
- Lucifer: And what would happen if that faith was tested, and an angel, like you, just didn't understand? Use that. Use it!
- [Gabriel has put Rachael in limbo so she can assist him]
- Gabriel: Eternity here in that sagging skin suit, or one more day with me.
- Rachael: [miserably] Why?
- Gabriel: Can't drive. But I can wait. Until stars burn out if you don't make up your mind.
- Catherine: Go to hell!
- Gabriel: Heaven, darling. Heaven. At least get the zip code right.
- Catherine: It's all the same to you, isn't it?
- Gabriel: No. In heaven, we believe in love.
- Catherine: What do you love, Gabriel?
- Gabriel: Cracking your skull.
- Thomas Daggett: If you wanted to prove your side was right, Gabriel, so badly, why didn't you just ask Him? Why didn't you ask God?
- Gabriel: [sadly] Because He doesn't talk to me any more.
- Gabriel: This war is mine!
- Lucifer: Your war is arrogance. That makes it evil. That's mine.
- Gabriel: [defiantly] Lucifer. Sitting in your basement. Sulking over your break up with the boss. You're nothing.
- Lucifer: Time to come home, Gabriel.
- Thomas Daggett: I have my soul. I have my faith. What do you have, angel?
- Lucifer: Leave the light on, Thomas.