The Real Ghostbusters
Take Two 
Man: I'd like to welcome you to the studio.
Ray: Wow! This is really fantastic! It looks just like the real thing!
Man: That's why we wanted you here to advise us, make sure we're doing it right. After all, this is your life story.
Peter: No problem. As long as you got the right people to play us. Admit it, Redford was dying to play me, right?
Man: Not exactly. Here's the cast list.
Winston: Murray, Aykroyd and Ramis? What's that - a law firm?
Janine: (said in 5 seconds) Ghostbusters. No, they're not here. That's right. They all went to California to make a movie and I can't come with them so I can answer your crummy call.
Peter: (about Bill Murray) He doesn't look a thing like me.
Knock Knock 
Peter Venkman: (backing away from a pink-haired, skull-faced ghost) Say, now when was the last time you saw your dentist, hm?
Peter Venkman: (After narrowly saving the world) That was great. Can we do it again?
Doomsday Door: Do Not Open Until Doomsday!
Peter Venkman: It was just an idea.
[Referring to the writing on a stone tablet]
Egon: It's Sumerian.
Winston: Can you read Sumerian?
Egon: In my sleep. Underwater with the lights off. Of course I can read Sumerian.
Look Homeward Ray 
Egon Spengler: I have a plan.
Peter Venkman: No electric shock, Egon.
Egon Spengler: ...I have another plan.
The Hole In The Wall Gang 
Charles Von Limberger: (after the accidental destruction of his home to stop a large ghost) That does it! I'm tired of hiring cheap labor! Next time, let's call the real Ghostbusters.
Madam Von Limberger: But...I thought those were the real Ghostbusters!
Ray: [Falsetto voice] I think I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree.
Peter: Ray's fine now.
The Boogieman Cometh 
Egon: We've gotta go after it.
Winston: No, we don't. Show me where it says that.
Ray Stantz: I want a glass of water.
Peter Venkman: (gives him glass) Here. Now get to sleep. (Ray drinks it) (nearly closing the door)
Ray Stantz: Oh, Peter.
Peter Venkman: What?
Ray Stantz: Tell me a story.
[Peter growls] Winston Zeddemore: He's just getting into the role.
Peter Venkman: He's gonna be in a body cast if he keeps this up. (to Ray) (opens door) Once upon a time, there were four Ghostbusters who had a job to do but they couldn't do it because one of em couldn't go to sleep! The end! [Slams door]
(The Boogieman is advancing on the unarmed Ghostbusters)
Egon Spengler: I'll hold him off!
Peter Venkman: Yeah? You and what Starfleet?
Citizen Ghost 
Egon Spengler: Transtator?
Peter Venkman: Check.
Egon Spengler: Field Generator?
Peter Venkman: Check.
Egon Spengler: Ionization Decaymeter?
Peter Venkman: Check.
Egon Spengler: Plasmatic Refractor? Anti Ecto Plasm Destruct Mechanism? Bypolar Adjuster?
Peter Venkman: Check, check and (yawns) check.
Egon Spengler: Transwarp Drive?
Peter Venkman: Check.
Egon Spengler: Ah-ha! Caught you. We don't have a Transwarp Drive.
Peter Venkman: If we don't have one, then it can't malfunction. If it's not malfunctioning, then nothing's wrong. And if nothing's wrong, then it checks, right?
Egon Spengler: I'm not going to talk to you again for at least a week. It's not good for me.
Peter Venkman: Hey, don't make fun. This is how I got through college.
Winston Zeddemore: Man, this job was a lot easier when these things didn't shoot back!
Partners In Slime 
Peter: Rub-a-dub-dub you big, slimey tub! I got an offer you can't refuse!
Adventures In Slime And Space 
Peter Venkman: I prefer my own method of communication. [adopts Irish accent] Aye aye, Cap'n. Settin' the phasers to stun! [whips out his proton thrower and aims it at Slimer]
Ray Stanz: Hey, he was only kidding!
Peter Venkman: No I wasn't.
Egon Splenger: Oh no. This is worse than I thought.
Peter Venkman: What? we're finally gonna be rid of Slimer. What could be worse than that?
Egon: We're not going to be rid of Slimer. We're going to be inundated with hundreds of thousands of millions of Slimers.
Peter: I'm sorry I asked.
Peter Venkman: Egon, remember what I said? If you're gonna stay on this planet, you have to speak our language.
Peter Venkman: This is not fun! I've had fun, this isn't it!! [screams after slipping on some slime]
Ragnarok and Roll 
[A PKE meter explodes after scanning a letter]
Ray: Do you know what kind of power he must have been in contact with for a single sheet of exposed paper to do that?
Winston: Uhhh...do I want to?
Ray: Only if you want nightmares for the rest of your life!
Winston: I'll pass.
Ray Stantz: That thing hurt Ecto-1!
Peter Venkman: The world's being destroyed and he worries about Ecto-1. We should really speak to him later about his priorities.
Winston Zeddemore: If there is a later.
Peter Venkman: Y'know, you're really no fun anymore.
Peter Venkman: You've got an idea don't you, you kidder you. A way we can take this guy out. C'mon, fill us in.
Egon Spengler: There's only one way. We'll have to set our proton packs on simultaneous overload.
Ray Stantz: Oh great, Egon. We do that and it'll take Jeremy out all right. And the building. There'll be a blast crater half a mile wide!
Winston Zeddmore: And since we'll have to keep hold of 'em until they blow, to make sure they aren't turned off...oh man.
Egon Spengler: We take out everything within a quarter mile, ourselves with it, and hope it's enough to destroy him too before he can destroy the rest of the world.
Peter Venkman: It's a great plan! Count me in.
Bustman's Holiday 
Scotsman: Excuse me, but would ye be Mister Raymond Stantz?
Egon Spengler: No. Not by choice.
Janine's Genie 
Winston Zeddemore: Relax, folks, we're just browsing.
Ray Stantz: Yeah, anybody seen a ghost?
Peter Venkman: Silver tongue strikes again.
Don't Forget The Motor City 
(The Ghostbusters watch as the gremlins try to damage the car built as a lure, their efforts frustrated when it changes before they can even scratch it.)
Winston Zeddemore: I don't believe it, the thing just keeps getting uglier!
Egon Spengler: Nobody said that science was pretty, Winston.
Revenge of Murray the Mantis 
Peter Venkman: (trying to demonstrate how big a threat Murray the Mantis is) It means that, if Darth Vader were willing to loan us the Death Star, we might have a chance. Might.
Winston Zeddemore: Then that means...the "big guy."
Winston: Is it over?
Peter: No, I think I'm still alive.
Troll Bridge 
(Egon and Peter have spotted the missing troll on a fruit delivery van in the Holland Tunnel, and as they are running after it, Peter is lagging behind)
Peter Venkman: Come back here, nice troll!
Egon Spengler: I gotta say this, Peter, you really should get into better shape!
Peter Venkman: And I gotta say this, Egon, I never liked you, or your family, or your dog!
(Peter and Egon take the Ecto-1 to the Holland Tunnel to find the missing troll, while Ray and Winston set off on foot to Times Square)
Ray: Remember there could always be giant ants, like in Santa Clara in 1950!
[Egon backs the car up and Peter rolls down the window]
Peter: Not funny.
The Devil To Pay 
(After a deal with Dib Devlin)
Winston Zeddemore: I have sold my soul to the devil. I have sold my soul to the devil. I have sold my soul to the devil.
Ray Stantz: Actually, Winston, Dib is a minor demon, not the devil per se.
Winston Zeddemore: I have sold my soul to a minor demon. I have sold my soul to a minor demon.
( The Devil Asks for a secret that they all have)
Egon: One time I got an A- and my parents wouldn't talk to be for a week
Winston: I used 20 dollers of petty cash on a present for my girlfreind
Ray: Okay, Slimer ate half a cookie and got slime all over the other half but on accsident without thinking I ate it
Transylvanian Homesick Blues 
Peter: It's times like this that I wish I'd listened to what my dad used to tell me.
Winston: Yeah? What was that?
Peter: I don't know. I never listened.
The Thing in Mrs. Faversham's Attic 
Peter: (Having a conversation with himself) 'So, Peter, did you have a nice day?' Oh, yeah. I argued with a hat and coat rack. 'Oh, really?' Yeah.
Peter: Seven years of college and I can never remember if it's positive to negative or positive to positive.
Egon: Maybe the noise was physical in origin. Squirrels on the roof, perhaps.
[A huge pounding sound starts to shake the whole house]
Peter: Squirrels, Egon?
Egon: Okay, fat squirrels, playing basketball. Satisfied?
Peter: How come whenever we go into these situations, we never find anything cute? It's always big and mean with lots of teeth.
Ray: I agree. We're definitely falling into a rut.
Ghost: Your time has ended.
Egon: Not mine. Yours. Smile for the birdie.
Scaring of the Green 
Egon: You know, we're all descendants from fish. It would be no trouble at all to flip back in time, find the fish you descended from, and stuff it into a Cuisinart.
Janine Melnitz, Ghostbuster 
Peter: This is almost as much fun as catching bowling balls with my teeth.
Janine: Hey, what're you guys doing in that mirror? Is Lewis Carroll in there with you?
Who You Calling Two Dimensional? 
Egon: Peter, do you know how to set your proton pack on explosive overload?
Egon: I do.
Victor the Happy Ghost 
[The Ghostbusters respond to a false alarm] Peter: We should have charged her for the call.
Winston: Come on, Peter. She was someone's grandmother.
Peter: As long as she wasn't mine.
Egon's Dragon 
Egon: Do you talk about the loons and the scoundrels in your family tree?
Peter: If I didn't, I wouldn't have anybody to talk about.
The Cabinet of Calimari 
Egon: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston: She's from California?
Egon: No. She's been hypnotized.
The Collect Call of Cathulhu 
(Note: The name of Cthulhu is deliberately misspelled in the title, probably to avoid copyright problems)
[Referring to the Necronomicon] Ray: I bet the copyright page alone has a PKE valence of 9.9!
Winston: Cthulhu... I've heard of him. He's bad news, right?
Egon: He makes Gozer look like Little Mary Sunshine.
Peter: Anything that looks like Godzilla wearing an octopus hat shouldn't be hard to find.
Peter: Hey squidface! I'm gonna make calamari outta you!
Alice Derleth: I'll take the Necronomicon back to the Miskatonic University with me, where it can't be used for evil.
A Fright at the Opera 
[Egon takes Peter to the opera]
Peter: The Met? I thought you said the Mets.
Ghostbuster of the Year 
Ray: Anybody having any luck?
Peter: That depends. You mean, like, good luck?
Last Train to Oblivion 
Peter: I've always loved trains, ever since I was a little boy. I used to dream about driving a big locomotive. I studied engineering in college for two years before I found out it didn't have anything to do with trains.
Mister Sandman, Dream me a Dream 
[Egon wakes up from his dream]
Egon: It's E=MC2. Listen to me. It's E=MC...
The street crowd watches Egon for a few moments before going on with their own business
Egon: Never mind, just never mind... it would take far too long to explain anyway.
Peter: No way! I'm not going anywhere until I've had my breakfast.
[Translating Peter's grunts after he has just woken up]
Egon: Sounded like "coffee". Possibly "cookie".
[Peter grunts again]
Ray: Translation, Egon?
Egon: Get out of my face or eat flaming terror.
Mrs. Roger's Neighborhood 
Ray: Mrs. Roger's dress is WHAT?
Egon: No, Ray. Mrs. Rogers is WHAT.
When Halloween was Forever 
Ray: Only one chance. I just hope we've bought Egon enough time. SLIMER! PIZZA!
Ghosts 'R' Us 
Peter: Don't fear... Dr. Venkman and his STAFF are here!
Ghost Fight at the O.K. Corral 
Peter: What happens if we cross the streams?
Egon: All of our molecules go on separate vacations.
All the ghosts: Aces and Eights. Dead man's hand.
Virgil Earp Ghost: What have you got, stranger?
Peter: Uh, four aces?
Ghost 1: That's a lot of aces.
Ghost 2: You know what this means?
Peter: We're using a canasta deck?
Ghost 2: Someone at this table is a cheat.
[Peter dives out the doors]
Peter: Good thing I didn't show them that fifth ace.
Ghost 2: Dance.
Peter: Only if I can lead.
Station Identification 
[The Ghostbusters are following a large power cord down a hallway]
Peter: Just what do you expect to find at the end of the cord, Egon?
Egon: My first guess would be a terminus of such unimaginable densely packed evil energy that it could fry a psychic researcher without blinking.
Peter: What's your second guess?
Night Game 
[The Ghostbusters are watching a baseball game between good and evil spirits where the Evil team has blatantly cheated]
Peter: But I just want to point out, seeing as you're new to this game and all, that Evil just cheated.
Ray: Full tilt, flat out, no doubt about it!
Egon: Doesn't that call for a forfeiture of the game?
Umpire: You mean declare Evil the losers for cheating?
Peter: That about sums it up, yeah.
Umpire: But Evil cheats. That's its nature. It does whatever unscrupulous or immoral thing it has to in order to win. That's why we call them Evil. Only Good is not allowed to cheat. If Good adopts the ways of Evil, then it becomes Evil. So if Good cheats, Evil automatically wins. Got it? PLAY BALL!
Ray: I wonder if Good is allowed to steal bases.
Peter: Maybe Good just borrows 'em, Ray.
The Haunting of Heck House 
Peter: I've come here to chew bubblegum and kick ecto-plasm, and I'm all out of bubblegum!
Ghost: But you are my servants.
Peter: Sorry big fella. It's servant's night off.
- They're here to save the world again!
- We're Back!