The Road to El Dorado

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The Road to El Dorado is a 2000 DreamWorks animated film about two thieves, Miguel and Tulio, who accidentally stow away on a ship bound for the New World. They escape the ship with a horse, and wash up on the shores of South America. They eventually discover El Dorado, the city of gold, where they are mistaken for gods. This film is released March 31, 2000.

It is based on the 1994 book Conquest: Montezuma, Cortés and the Fall of Old Mexico by Hugh Thomas.

Directed by Eric Bergeron. Written by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio
They came for the gold... they stayed for the adventure.

Contents

[edit] Tulio

  • If I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice.
  • You gave me loaded dice?!
  • I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. [Grabs a tiny dagger, pauses.] But not with that.
  • [sees that their longboat could collide with Cortez's warship] Holy ship!
  • You drank the seawater, didn't you?
  • Your horse bit me in the butt!
  • Hello, is this your rock? Sorry, we were just looking. We're tourists. Tou-rists. We lost our group. May we go now?
  • Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one!
  • Now if you'll excuse me, I have to gloat over my gold.
  • We're in the middle of a con, walking the razor's edge. On one side, [gestures at a pile of gold] gold! On the other side, [gestures at mural of human sacrifice] painful, agonizing failure!
  • Alright, cards on the table. I want you to come to Spain with me and Miguel. Mostly me. Especially me. Only me. Forget Miguel.
  • Take that, you big Tzekel-Kan cat creep!
  • You're not a god? You lied to me? How dare you!
  • [Feeling desperate after Miguel makes the sword fight more suicidal] Not the face! Not the Face!

[edit] Miguel

  • Alright, Cuba!
  • So uh, how... how's the escape plan coming?
  • [While cutting down vines] The trail that we'll blaze... [Vines fall to reveal a rock wall, and Miguel points to the distance to the left] THAT trail that we'll blaze!
  • [After Tulio stops the volcano] Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will.
  • Tulio relax. All you have to do is smile, act godly, and follow my lead.
  • Here’s an order: take the day off!
  • [to Tzekel Kan] The gods are speaking for themselves now. This city and these people have no need for you anymore! There will be no sacrifices. Not now, not ever.
  • Not bad for my first commandment, huh?
  • Vertical ascension requires a lot more rope.
  • Well, isn't king kind of a step down from god?
  • I have been around boats, believe me, and the uh... The point, tall... Uh, the big up and, up and down thing... Yes, yes, the mast, the mast is good, but, well, there's not nearly enough, uh... Rope. Yes, rope, exactly my point! Vertical ascension requires a lot more, uh... Rope!
  • Let's be gods, the perks are great!

[edit] Tzekel-Kan

  • Behold! As the prophecies foretold, the time of judgment is now! Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us?
  • And so dawns the age of the Jaguar. Happy New Year.
  • Smile while you can.
  • Do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar, or would you prefer them free range? And will you be devouring their essence whole, or piece-by-piece?
  • Crush them into the dust!
  • As the… gods… command.
  • Now everyone will know the truth of your… "divinity"!
  • I know what you are. And I know what you are not. And you are not gods!

[edit] Chief Tannabok

  • Big smile - like you mean it!
  • [as Miguel and Tulio ask for a boat to leave on] Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next… thousand years.
  • Hey. To err is human.

[edit] Others

  • Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we port into Cuba to re-supply, God willing, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives.
  • Chel: My only wish is to serve the gods.
  • Chel: [During a sports match] Tulio! The hip, the hip!

[edit] Dialogue

Miguel: You fight like my sister!
Tulio: I've fought your sister - that is a compliment!
Miguel: Blackguard!
Tulio: Heathen!
[While running for their lives, they come to the edge of a roof, quite a distance from the waterfront.]
Miguel: I'll bet we can make that.
Tulio: Two pesetas says we can't.
Miguel: You're on! [They jump of the edge and land in two barrels] You lose. [Tulio flips two pesetas into Miguel's barrel]
Tulio: What's happening here?
Miguel: We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.
Tulio: All right. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana!
[Pause]
Miguel: Back to Spain?
Tulio: Yeah.
Miguel: [uncertainly] In a rowboat?
Tulio: You got it!
Miguel: [sarcastically] Oh, great. Sensational. And that's your plan, is it?
Tulio: That's... pretty much it.
Miguel: [truly delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
Tulio: [pause] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...
Miguel: [bored] Oh, great...
Tulio: [annoyed] Well, then, what's your idea, smart guy?!
Miguel: [annoyed] Wha-wha-what do you mean? You're the one who comes up with the plans!
Miguel: Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end.
Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he'd--
[Altivo drops keys into the brig]
Tulio: Well. It's not a pry bar.
Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
Miguel: Well, um, yes and no.
[Altivo is shown eating the few supplies that made it into the boat.]
Tulio: [sarcastically] Oh... GREAT!
Miguel: Tulio, look on the positive side. At least things can't get...
[Thunder claps and rain falls.]
Tulio: Excuse me, were... were you going to say "worse"?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: No?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: You sure?
Miguel: No. Absolutely. I've revised that whole....thing.
Tulio: We're at least in a rowboat.
Migule: Yes in a rowboat, you miss nothing.
[Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]
Miguel: Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Tulio: [Pause] The horse is a surprise.
Miguel: Any... regrets?
Tulio: Besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel: My regret, besides dying, is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Tulio: Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.
[after seeing a skeleton on the beach]
Tulio: All those in favor of getting back in the boat, say aye.
Miguel: Aye!
Tulio: Aye!
[Altivo snorts]
Tulio: Apparently, El Dorado is native for... "Great... Big... ROCK!!!" [silence, as "ROCK!!!" echoes] Hey, but I tell you what: I'm feeling generous, so you can have my share!
Miguel: Tulio, you don't think, Cortes could've gotten here before us and, and--
Tulio: And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!
Tulio: [sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner.
Miguel: Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.
Tulio: Sor-- you-- you..ffff-
[Tulio is then interrupted by Tzekel-Kan]
Tulio: Miguel and Tulio!
Miguel: Tulio and Miguel!
Together: Mighty and powerful gods!
Chel: Hello.
[both squeal]
Tulio: Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt!
Miguel: Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! [mimics lightning bolt] Ck-ck!
Chel: [calmly] Save it for the High Priest, honey, you're gonna need it.
Miguel: Ck-ck!
Tulio: Miguel, it's not working.
Miguel: Ck-ck!
Tulio: Miguel! We've been caught.
Chel: Oh, no. Don't worry about me. "My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember?
Tulio: Why?
Chel: Well, you guys both want the gold and you don't want to get caught, right? You're gonna need help.
Miguel: Why do you think we need your help?
Chel: [mimics Miguel's lightning sound] Are you serious?
Chel: Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back? [produces Tulio's dice in her hand]
Tulio: [pats pockets, shocked] Hey... how'd you get those?
Miguel: [raising eyebrows] Where was she keeping them?
Tulio: The little voice, remember? Remember the little voice? Well, just for a second, imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel?
Miguel: Uuuuum... [purrs]
Tulio: No! Listen, we are partners.
Miguel: We're partners.
Tulio: And we have a plan, remember?
Miguel: Get the gold, go back to Spain.
Tulio: Exactly! And we are pretending to be gods. Now, put Chel in the mix. What does the little voice say? Listen carefully
Miguel: Chel is... off-limits?
Tulio: Bravo! Chel is off-limits!
Tulio: Hey, Chel, what's going on?
Chel: It's not gonna be good.
Tulio: Thank you.
[Tzekel-Kan starts to perform a human sacrifice.]
Tulio: Stop! This is not a proper tribute!
[Miguel rescues the intended victim and drags him to safety.]
Tzekel-Kan: You do not want the tribute?
Miguel: No no, we want tribute. It's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel: Like he said! Stars! … Can't do it… Not today.
Miguel: You worry too much.
Tulio: No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much!
Chel: Go ahead. I'll cover for you.
Miguel: Oh, yeah, thanks. So, what happened to Altivo? [He ducks out of sight.]
Chel: I dunno.
Tulio: [Approaching] Hey, what happened to Miguel?
Chel: I dunno.
Tulio: Oh my God, he's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do?!
Tulio: I'm not really sure I trust you.
Chel: Mmm… I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I?
Tulio: Hmm… 'kay.
Tzekel-Kan: My lord? Hello?
Chel: The High Priest! What's he gonna think if he finds one of the gods like this with me?
Tulio: Uh, "Lucky God"?
Chel: Just... [fixes Tulio's hair]
Tzekel-Kan: Hello?
[Chel kicks Tulio toward Tzekel-Kan]
Tulio: Whoa! Oh, Tzekel-Kan! What brings you here?
Tzekel-Kan: My lord, I humbly request to have an audience with you.
Tulio: Okay, what can I do for you?
Tzekel-Kan: My lord, I have just seen Lord Miguel out among the people.
Tulio: Really?!
Tzekel-Kan: Might I offer some advice?
[Chel signals Tulio to cut Tzekel-Kan off]
Tulio: Okay, shoot!
Chel: [groans is frustration]
Tzekel-Kan: My lord, you are perfect.
Tulio: Why, thank you.
Tzekel-Kan: But in realization, you must not know how imperfect humans are. [begins to conjure menacing images] Like snakes, they are spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating, with no remorse. Spinning webs of lies, like spiders!
Tulio: Stop it! That's disgusting!
Tzekel-Kan: [makes the images disappear] They're beyond disgusting!
Tulio: Yeah, yeah! Way beyond!
Tzekel-Kan: Then with an agreement, we must think the proper preparations. Now, do you wish to have your victims bound to altar, or would you prefer them free range? And will you devour their essence whole, or piece-by-piece?
Tulio: [pause] Tzek, you lost me.
Tzekel-Kan: My lord, these people will not respect if they do not fear you.
Tulio: And we will make them fear us, by, uh...
Tzekel-Kan: By sacrifice! As it is prophesied, the history of the Age of the Jaguar will be written in...
Tulio: Ink?
Tzekel-Kan: Blood!
Tulio: Blood! Oh! Oh, yes. This is very important stuff. I should tell Lord Miguel about this blood issue right away. [to Chel] Come on, honey. Let's go.
Tzekel-Kan: [sheds a tear] Finally, we're bonding.
Tulio: What… do you think… you're doing?!
Miguel: [chuckles] Laying low?
Miguel: Well don't blame me!
Tulio: I BLAME YOU.
Miguel: We need a miracle.
Tulio: No, we need to cheat!
[When confronted by Tzekel-Kan, Miguel and Tulio begin to use their con tactics to fake an argument]
Tulio: You're not a god? You lied to me? How dare you?!
Miguel: Hey, it was his stupid plan!
Tulio: My plan was that we should lie low! But your plan was to run off and be all "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a god."
Miguel: That's not true!
Tulio: No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel: At least I'm not dating mine!
Tulio: I-- Ooh, low blow. Listen, Mr. High and Mighty. We'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had just listened to me!
Miguel: Well, you've got the precious gold and Chel. So what do you need me for?
Tulio: Well, maybe I don't need you anymore!
Miguel: Well, then, why don't you just go back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll both get what we want?
Tulio: That's fine with me, pal!
Miguel: Me, too!
Tulio Fine!
Miguel: Okay!
Both: All right!
'[They both punch Tzekel-Kan]
Cortes: You lying heathen! There is nothing here at all.
Tzekel-Kan: No. Wait. Wait.
Cortes: [Horse kicks Tzekel-Kan into the water] Men, seize him!
Tzekel-Kan: What?! [Is restrained]
Cortes: There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men.
[Cortes and his men move on. As Tzekel-Kan is dragged away with them, he notices Chel waving to him cheekily.]
Tzekel-Kan: Wait! No, wait! WAAAAIIIIIIIT!!!
Miguel: Tulio! Tulio, we've done it!
Tulio: Is that the map?
Miguel: It's all right here!
Tulio: You still have the map?
Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!
Tulio: You kept the map but you couldn't manage to grab a little more FOOD?!
Miguel: Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible, and it is! It really *is* the map to El Dorado!
Tulio: [pause] You drank sea water, didn't you?

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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