The Vampire Diaries (TV series)

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The Vampire Diaries (2009–present) is an American TV series, based on a novel series written by L. J. Smith, about a young heroine who is the object of passion for two vampire brothers—one good, one evil—who are at war for her heart and for the souls of her friends, family and all the residents of the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.01][edit]

Stefan: For over a century, I have lived in secret. Until now. i know the risk but i have to know her.

Bonnie: Hold up, who's this?
Elena: All I see is back.
Bonnie: It's a hot back! I'm sensing Seattle and he plays a guitar.
Elena: You're really going to run this whole psychic thing into the ground, huh?
Bonnie: Pretty much.
Elena: (about Matt) He hates me.
Bonnie: That's not hate. That's, "You dumped me but I'm too cool to show it, but secretly I'm listening to Air Supply's greatest hits."

Elena: People are going to stop giving you breaks, Jeremy. They just don't care any more. They don't remember that our parents are dead; they have their own lives to deal with. The rest of the world has moved on. You should try, too.
Jeremy: I've seen you in the cemetery writing in your diary. Is that... is that supposed to be you moving on?

Caroline: His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini and his favorite color is blue.
Bonnie: You got all that in one day?
Caroline: Please. I got all that between third and fourth period. We're planning a June wedding.

Stefan: I know it's late, but I needed to know if you're okay.
Elena: You know, for months, that's all everyone's wondered about me, if I'll be OK.
Stefan: What do you tell them?
Elena: That I'll be fine.
Stefan: Do you ever mean it?
Elena: Ask me tomorrow. (Stefan stares at her) It's warmer in the house, we can talk. Would you like to come in?
Stefan: (smiles) Yes.

Zach: You promised. (shows him the newspaper with the news of the attack)
Stefan: This was an animal attack.
Zach: Don't give me that. I know the game - you tear them up enough and they always suspect an animal attack. You said you had it under control.
Stefan: And I do.
Zach: Please, Uncle Stefan. Mystic Falls is a different place now. It's been quiet for years, but there are people who still remember. And you being here, it's just going to stir things up.
Stefan: It's not my intention.
Zach: Then what is? Why did you come back after all this time? Why now?
Stefan: I don't have to explain myself.
Zach: I know that you can't change who you are, but you don't belong here anymore.
Stefan: Where do I belong?
Zach: I can't tell you what to do. But coming back here was a mistake.

Damon: Your hair's different; I like it.
Stefan: It's been 15 years, Damon.
Damon: Thank God! Couldn't take another day of the 90's. That horrible grunge look did not suit you. Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads.
Stefan: What are you doing here?
Damon: I missed my little brother.
Stefan: You hate small towns; they're boring, there's nothing for you to do.
Damon: I've been keeping myself busy.
Stefan: You left that girl alive tonight. That was very careless of you.
Damon: Yeah, that could be a problem... for you.

Damon: Is it working? Being in her world? Does it make you feel alive?

Damon: I was impressed. I'll give it a six. Missing style, but I was pleasantly surprised. Very good with the whole face thing, it was good.
Stefan: It's all fun and games, huh, Damon? But wherever you go, people die.
Damon: That's a given.
Stefan: Not here, I won't allow it.
Damon: I take that as an invitation.
Stefan: Damon, please, after all these years, can't we just give it a rest?
Damon: I promised you an eternity of misery, so I'm just keeping my word.

Stefan: Stay away from Elena.
Damon: I take that as an invitation.

Stefan's journal:
I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I had no choice. I have to know her.

I lost control today. Everything I've kept buried inside came rushing to the surface. I'm simply not able to resist her.

I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was, create a life as someone new, someone without the past. Someone alive.

They follow you. You can't escape them - as much as you want to.
Elena's diary:
Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl that lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine, thanks" at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks "How are you?", they really don't want an answer.

Dear Diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay.

Without the pain. Someone alive. But it's not that easy. Bad things stay with you.

All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it. I need it.

The Night of the Comet [1.02][edit]

Bonnie: I was talking to Gram, and she said that the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it pasted over Mystic Falls there was lots of death, so much blood and carnage it created a bed of paranormal activity.
Caroline: Yeah, then you poured Grams another shot and she told you about the aliens.

Elena: We never got to the texting part.
Bonnie That's an important part in any relationship.

Jenna: Eat anyway. It's a ruse. I wanna talk.

Damon: Were you successful? Did the powers of persuasion work? Remember if you don’t feed properly, none of those little tricks work right.
Stefan: How long was Elena here?
Damon: Are you worried, Stefan? Scared we may be doomed to repeat the past? Isn’t that why you play your little game ‘I’m a high school human’?
Stefan: I’m not playing any game.
Damon: Of course you are. We both know the closest you’ll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.

Damon:You must be Elena?I'm Damon Stefan's borther.
Elena:He didn't tell me he had a brother.
Damon:Stefan's not the one to brag.Please , come.I'm shore Stefan will be along in second.

Elena: He (Damon) told me about your ex, Katherine?
Stefan: What did he say?
Elena: She broke your heart.
Stefan: It was a long time ago.
Elena: When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.
Stefan: Elena…
Elena : It's okay, Stefan. I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. Complicated brother? Check. Complicated Ex? Check. Too complicated to even contemplate dating? Double check. It's okay. We met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.

Vicki: I know you.
Damon: Well, that's unfortunate.

Damon: You have two choices. You can feed and make her forget. Or you can let her run screaming vampire through the town square.
Stefan: That's what this is about? You wanna expose me?
Damon: No! I want you to remember who you are!
Stefan: Why? So what, so I'll feed, so I'll kill, so I'll remember what it's like to be brothers again? You know what, let her go. Let her tell everyone that vampires have returned to Mystic Falls, let them chain me up and let them drive a stake through my heart, 'cause then at least I'll be free of you.

Damon: It's good to be home. I think I might stay awhile, this town could use a bit of a wake up call, don't you think?
Stefan: What are you up to, Damon?
Damon: That's for me to know and to you to... dot, dot, dot.

Elena: So the thing is, I got home tonight planning on doing what I always do. Write in my diary, like I have been since my mother gave me one when I was 10. It's where I get everything out and it all goes in this one little book, that I hide on the 2nd shelf behind this really hideous ceramic mermaid. But then I realized I would just be writing things I should probably be talking about.
Stefan: What would you write?
Elena: I would write, Dear Diary, Today I convinced myself it's okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo, no drama. Now just isn't the time. But my reasons aren't reasons they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth and the truth is, I'm scared Stefan. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for one moment, that the my worlds going to come crashing down and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that.
Stefan: Do you want to know what I would write? I met a girl, we talked and it was epic. Then the sun came up and reality set in. Well, this is reality... right here.

Friday Night Bites [1.03][edit]

Elena: That throw was insane! I didn't know you play football.
Stefan: I used to. It was a long time ago.
Elena: So why don't you try out for the team?
Stefan: Yeah, I don't think so.
Elena: So you don't like football?
Stefan: No, I love football; I think it's a great sport. But in this case I don't think football likes me. You saw Tyler over there, and we both know how Matt feels.
Elena: They don't know you. To them you're just mysterious loner guy. Wouldn't hurt to be a part of the team, make some friends.
Stefan: Says the girl who spends her alone-time writing in a cemetery.
Elena: Hey, come on, there's more to me than just gloomy graveyard girl. There's a whole other Elena you have yet to meet. She was into everything, very busy.
Stefan: Well I look forward to meeting her, and when will that be?
Elena: Soon. She's working on it.

Bonnie: Fine. Well, how about this. Today, I’m obsessed with numbers. Three numbers. I keep seeing 8, 14, and 22. How weird is that?
Elena: Maybe we should play the lottery?

Damon (about Stefan): That's what I always tell him - you have to engage. You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you, you have to go get it.
Caroline: Yeah, Elena wasn't so lucky today. (to Elena) It's only because you missed summer camp. God, I don't know how you're ever gonna learn the routines...
Bonnie: I'll work with her. She'll get it.
Caroline (to herself): I guess we can put her in the back...
Damon: You know, you don't-- you don't seem like the 'cheerleader type', Elena.
Caroline: Oh, it's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a 'blah' phase. (chuckling to herself) She used to be way more fun... And...I say that with complete sensitivity.
Damon: I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've ever cared about die.
Stefan: We don't need to get into that right now, Damon.
Damon: Ah, you know what? You're right, Stef. I'm sorry, I-- the last thing I wanted to do was bring her up...

Damon: (holds up an empty glass) One more.
Elena: Oh, thank you. (gasps when she accidentally drops the glass)
Damon: (miraculously catches the glass before it hits the floor; presents it to Elena)
Elena: (laughs) Nice save.
Damon: I like you - you know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time.
Elena: Earlier, did you mean...Katherine?
Damon: Mm-hmm.
Elena: How did she die?
Damon: In a fire - a tragic fire.
Elena: Recently?
Damon: It seems like it was yesterday.
Elena: What was she like?
Damon: She was beautiful - a lot like you in that department. She was also very complicated, and selfish, and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive.
Elena: So, which one of you dated her first? (passes Damon a plate)
Damon: (chuckles) Nicely deduced. Ask Stefan - I'm sure his answer differs from mine. (closes dishwasher)
Elena: (exhales)
Damon: I'd quit cheerleading if I were you.
Elena: Why do you say that?
Damon: Oh, I saw you at practice. You looked miserable.
Elena: You saw that?
Damon: Am I wrong?
Elena: (sighs) I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year - everything that used to matter doesn't anymore.
Damon: So don't let it. Quit, move on. Problem solved. Ta-da...
Elena: (chuckles) Some things could matter again.
Damon: Maybe. But...seems a little unrealistic to me.
(brief pause)
Elena: I'm sorry.
Damon: (looks confused)
Elena: About Katherine. You lost her, too.
(for once, Damon is speechless)

Stefan: They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet - she doesn't exist for your amusement; for you to feed on whenever you want to.
Damon: Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be. They're mine for the taking.
Stefan: All right, you've had your fun. You used Caroline, you got to me and Elena. Good for you. Now it's time for you to go.
Damon: That's not a problem. Because...I've been invited in. And I'll come back tomorrow night, and the following night, and I'll do, with your little cheerleader, whatever I want to do. Because that is what is normal to me.

Elena:You scared me!What are you doing in here?
Damon:I'm hiding from Caroline.
Elena:And why is that?
Damon:I need a break.She talks more than I can listen.
Elena:That can be a scine.
Damon:Plus she's afully young.
Elena:Not much younger than you are.
Damon:I can't see going anywhere in a bigger picture.I think she drives me crazy.
Elena:Calorine does have some really anoying trades but we've been friends since the first grade and that means something to me.
Damon:I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable.It's just not my atention.
Elena:Yes , it is.Other ways you wouldn't put alternative meaning behind everything you say.
Damon:You're right.I do have other antentions but so do you.
Elena:Really?
Damon:Mhm.I see them.You want me.
Elena:Excuse me?
Damon:I get to you.You find yourself druant to me.You think about me when you don't want to think about me.I bet you even dreamed about me.And right now you wanna kiss me.
Elena(slaps him):What a hell?I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play with Stefan here , but I don't want to be part of it.And I don't know what happened in the past , but let's get one thing straight - I am not Katherine!

Matt Donovan: This week at practice I was a dick.
Stefan: You had your reasons.
Matt Donovan: No excuse. Good luck, we're lucky to have you.
(Matt and Stefan shake hands and Matt walks away)
Damon: (gives Stefan a slow clap) Isn't that nice? Stefan joins the team, makes a friend. It's all so Rah-Rah, go team! Yeah!
Stefan: Not tonight. I'm done with you.
Damon: Nice trick with Elena. Let me guess, vervain in the necklace? I admit I was a bit surprised; it's been a while since anyone has been able to resist my compulsion. Where'd you get it?
Stefan: Does it matter?
Damon: Guess I could seduce her the old fashioned way. Or I could just...eat her.
Stefan: No, you're not going to hurt her, Damon.
Damon: No?
Stefan: Because deep down inside there is a part of you that feels for her. I was worried that you had no humanity left inside you, that you had actually become that monster you pretend to be.
Damon: Who's pretending?
Stefan: Then kill me.
Damon: Well, I'm tempted.
Stefan: No, you're not. You've had lifetimes to do it and yet, here I am. I'm still alive and there you are. You're still haunting me after 145 years. Katherine is dead and you hate me because you loved her and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, is your humanity.

Family Ties [1.04][edit]

Damon: I just wanna let you know - they caught the culprit. The animal responsible for killing coach Tanner and all those people.
Stefan: What are you talking about?
Damon: It was a mountain lion. (makes gesture) A really big one. It attacked a hunter this morning - it’s all over the news. 'Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls.'

Damon: What's so special about this Bella girl, anyway? Edward's so whipped.
Caroline: You have to read the first book first, otherwise it won't make sense.
Damon: Ugh, I miss Ann Rice - she was so on it.
Caroline: Hey, how come you don't sparkle?
Damon: Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.
Caroline: Yeah, but you go in the sun.
Damon: I have a ring, it protects me. Long story.
Caroline: Are these bites going to turn me into a vampire?
Damon: It’s more complicated than that. You have to feed on my blood, then die, then feed on a human - it’s a whole ordeal. This book, by the way, has it all wrong.

Stefan: Can’t touch her now.
Damon: Well, the vervain keeps me out of her head. Maybe that’s not my target. Believe it or not, Stefan, some girls don’t need my persuasion. Some girls just can’t resist my good looks, my style, my charm... and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift. (stabs Stefan in the stomach)

Damon: This is John Varvatos, dude. Dick move.

Damon: I like being the eternal stud.
Stefan: Yes, being a one hundred and fifty year old teenager has been the height of my happiness.

Damon: I'm not some drunk sorority chick. You can't roofie me.

Damon: I'm going to have to go to the party upset. Who knows what I'll do?

Stefan (narrating): The real animal is still out there. Waiting for me, challenging me to fight back to stop him. But how do I stop the monster without becoming one myself?

Logan: I know you. You have a lot more insults in you, I can tell.
Jenna: Your hairline’s receding.
Logan: No, it’s not. You wanna have lunch?
Jenna: Nope.
Logan: You haven’t changed a bit.
Jenna: Oh, yes I have. I’m meaner now.

Caroline: (looks at Stefan and Elena) They look so cute together.
Damon: Don’t talk, please.

Elena: Look, you’re the mystery guy and I like that. But with mystery comes secrets...and this thing with Katherine…
Stefan: You know, let it go. I don’t wanna talk about it.
Elena: Well, then say something about yourself. Anything. Otherwise, I’m left with nothing but what other people tell me.

Stefan: Look, there are things that you don’t know, okay? Things that I want to tell you but I can’t, and I may never be able to...and I just need you to trust me.
Elena: Trust is earned - I can’t just magically hand it over.

Stefan (narrating): I did what I had to do...to protect Elena...to protect everyone. Yes, Damon, the headline reads: “Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls.”

You're Undead To Me [1.05][edit]

Elena: Jenna, are you aware of what’s going on upstairs?
Jenna: Uh huh…
Elena: And...you have no objection?
Jenna: He could be craftier about it. At least make an effort to sneak her in and out.

Jenna: Have you called him?
Elena: Nope, not going to either.
Jenna: And you’re okay with everything?
Elena: No, I’m not okay with any of it. I’m not gonna cry about it either. You know, I was going to write in my diary this morning and then I thought, what am I going to write? Honestly, I’m not gonna be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy.

Zach: You appear unannounced, reminding me that this isn’t my house, that you’re just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you’re permitting me to live.
Damon: Someone had to mow the lawn.

Elena: I think there’s something that he doesn’t want me to know, which...makes me wanna know all the more.
Matt: Like what? Like that he’s a serial killer and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk?

Stefan: Talk to who? I'm so sorry that I'm late.
Elena: What happened?
Stefan: I got held up.
Elena: Is everything okay?
Stefan: There’s this thing with my uncle.
Elena: And you couldn't call and tell me you’re going to be an hour late?
Stefan: I’m really sorry. It was unavoidable.
Elena: What was unavoidable? (Stefan looks down) Okay.
Stefan: No. Er. Elena, please.
Elena: No, Stefan, don't you get it? Every question gets a vague non-answer. What is so awful that you're afraid to tell me?

Stefan Hey, can I take you home? And, and we can talk about all this. Is that okay?
Elena: Wait, what was that?
Stefan: I, I dunno. Nothing.
Elena: Right. Nothing. Okay, I gotta go, Stefan.

Stefan: (to Elena) You wanna know me, right? Well, I figure if you’re gonna dump me, you should at least...uhmm...know who you’re dumping.
Stefan: I do know that I did some things that..I’m not proud of. And my biggest regret..is not being able to make it right before she died.
Stefan: You know what? I even like that one Miley song. Easy…
Elena: I didn’t say anything.
Elena: Uhmm...I think that my paranoia has turned into full blown hallucinations.
Stefan: Part of your charm.

Logan: (to Elena) Hi...Elena, right? I think I met you once when you were nine.
Jenna: Your emotional maturity level when we were together.
Logan: Ouch! And here I thought we’re making progress.
Logan: Wait. One condition. Dinner, tonight, your house.
Jenna: Fine, but you’re eating leftovers.
Logan: Oooh…

Matt: (to Stefan) Hey...I’m not saying this for you, I’m saying it for her. But she’s big on trust. So, whatever you’re holding back from her, the more you try to hide it, the more she won’t stop ’til she figures it out.

Sheriff Forbes: Honey, are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about? Is it a boy thing?
Caroline: Mom, if I wanna talk boys, I’ll call dad. At least he’s successfully dating one.

Elena: Dear Diary, I’m not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That’s the world we live in. There’s no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There is nothing that defies rational thought. It’s not possible. I’m not a believer, I can’t be. But how can I deny what’s right in front of me? Someone who never grows old...never gets hurt...someone who changes in ways that can’t be explained. Girls bitten...bodies drained of blood...

Elena: (to Stefan) What are you?

Lost Girls [1.06][edit]

Elena: What are you?
Stefan: You know.
Elena: No. I don't.
Stefan: Yes, you do, or you wouldn't be here.
Elena: It's not possible. It can't be.
Stefan: Everything you know, and every belief that you have, is about to change. Are you ready for that?
Elena: What are you?
Stefan: (pause) I'm a vampire.
Elena: I shouldn't have come.
Stefan: No....please...please.
Elena: No! (turns and runs towards her car)........How did you do that?
Stefan: Please don't be afraid of me.

Stefan: I’ll explain everything to you, but I beg you, Elena...do not tell anybody.
Elena: How can you ask me that?
Stefan: Because you knowing this is dangerous! For so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me.
Elena: Just go. Just go, please...go. If you mean me no harm then you’ll go.
Stefan: I never wanted this.

Damon: Where are you, Stefan? I’m trapped, at the house, and I’m getting really bored and really impatient, and I don’t do bored and impatient.

Damon: I want my ring.
Stefan: Where are you?
Damon: I'm at the sizzler. I had the buffet. Where's my ring?
Stefan: I don't have it. Where are you? What have you done?
Damon: Nooo, what have YOU done? You're the one that locked me in the basement and starved me, so whatever I've done - whoever I've sucked dry - is on you, buddy.
Stefan: You're being careless. How many more animal attacks is this town gonna believe, huh?
Damon: I know how to cover my tracks, Stefan! Where's my ring?!
Stefan: I gave it to Zach to hide. You probably shouldn't have killed him.
Damon: Ahhh, you almost got me. Where is it?
Stefan: I'll get it back. But I need time.
Damon: What, did you Fed-Ex it to Rome?! Where is it?! I want my ring, Stefan...or my next stop’s Elena’s.
Stefan: I already want you dead; don’t give me another reason to make it happen.
Damon: Don’t give me another reason to rip you apart.
Stefan: Yeah? Is that gonna be before or after you get your ring back?
Damon: Just get it.

Stefan: Elena...give me today. I will answer any questions that you have, and when it’s over, you can decide for yourself what you want to do with what you know. It’ll be your choice.

Elena: What are we doing here?
Stefan: I want to show you something.
Elena: In the middle of nowhere?
Stefan: This didn’t use to be "nowhere." This used to be my home.

Stefan: What Damon wants, Damon usually gets.

Elena: So how...?
Stefan: I've been 17 years old since 1864.

Stefan: That's the thing about Damon. He doesn't get mad. He just gets even.
Elena: You knew Katherine in 1864? Damon made it seem like...
Stefan: Damon was trying to make you think that I was still heart-broken. He saw that I was happy with you and he wanted to ruin it.
Elena: All because you loved the same woman, a hundred and forty-five years ago?

Stefan: That necklace contains an herb called Vervain. It protects you from being compelled. I wanted to protect you from Damon’s influence. But I also wanted to protect you from me.

Vicki: Don't you want to be in love?
Damon: I've been in love. It's painful, pointless, and overrated.

Damon: No more talking. Let's dance!

Damon: I think I know what can help you.
Vicki: What’s that?
Damon: Death.

Stefan: Right now, she doesn’t remember anything. A part of her’s still human. Slowly, the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, and then she’ll know she has to make the choice.
Elena: The same choice you made?

Damon: May I come in? Oh wait, of course I can, I’ve been invited.

Damon: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess - Stefan finally fessed up.

Damon: Don’t look at me with those judgy little eyes. That girl is gonna thank me for what I did to her.
Elena: Did you thank Katherine?
Damon: Got the whole life story, huh?
Elena: I got enough.
Damon: Oh, I doubt that.

Damon: Tip for later - be careful who you invite in the house

Damon: (when Logan tried to kill Stefan and Damon saved him) If anyone’s gonna kill you, it’s gonna be me.

Stefan: I’ll take care of it. I’ll find her and I will show her that she can live like I do. I’m gonna make sure that she does not hurt anybody, Elena, I promise you…
Elena: What do I tell my brother, and...and Matt?!
Stefan: We’ll come up with a story.
Elena: You mean we’ll come up with a lie?
Stefan: I’m so sorry…
Elena: I gave you today just like you asked. And I understand that you would never do anything to hurt me, and I promise I will keep your secret, but...I can’t be with you, Stefan. I’m sorry, I...I just can’t.

Haunted [1.07][edit]

Damon: You...don’t talk.
Tyler: Screw you, dude!
Damon: Dude? Really? Dude?
Stefan: Damon, don't-
Damon: Come on, no one's gonna miss this idiot.

Elena: You shouldn’t skip school. If they find her we’ll know. That’s what cellphones are for.
Jeremy: Yeah, your lips keep moving. I don't know why.

Vicki: What is it?
Stefan: It’s what you’re craving.
Damon: Huh! Don’t lie to the girl. It’s so not what you’re craving, but it’ll do in a pinch. Right, Stef?
Vicki: What is it?
Damon: Yeah, what is it? Is it skunk? St. Bernard? Bambi?

Damon: Don’t listen to him. He walks on a moral plane way out of our eye line. I say snatch, eat, erase.

Stefan: We choose our own path. Our values and our actions, they define who we are.
Damon: Okay, Count Deepak! I am outta here.

Elena: Is Stefan here?
Damon: Yup.
Elena: Where is he?
Damon: And good morning to you, little miss 'I’m on a mission.'
Elena: How can you be so arrogant and glib after everything that you’ve done?
Damon: And how can you be so brave and stupid as to call a vampire 'arrogant and glib'?
Elena: If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead.
Damon: Yes, you would.
Elena: But I’m not.
Damon: Yet.
Elena: Where is Stefan?
Damon: He's upstairs, singing "The Rain In Spain." Knock yourself out.

Vicki: This daylight thing is a bitch! I need more blood! Where’s your bathroom? I have to pee. Why do I have to pee? I thought I was dead!

Vicki: You did this to me out of boredom?
Damon: It’s one of the pitfalls of eternity.
Vicki: Now I’m bored.

Damon: Well, your life was pathetic; your afterlife doesn’t have to be.

Stefan: She could hurt someone.
Damon: I’m not taking her to Disneyland. We’re going to the front yard.

Damon: Come on, Vicki - live a little! No pun intended.

Damon: (glibly) You should go. I got this.
Elena: You did this. This is your fault.
Damon: You confuse me for someone with remorse.
Elena: People die around you. How could it not matter? It matters and you know it.
(Elena slaps him; he catches her wrist and grips tightly)
Damon: None of this matters to me. None of it.

Jeremy: Why does everybody have to die on me?

Elena: Are you okay?
Stefan: I, uh… I wanted to help her. But instead... How’s he doing?
Elena: He’s a mess. I don’t want him going through this again. He’s just a kid.
Stefan: Elena, what can I do? What can I do to help? I’ll do anything.
Elena: Can you make him forget?
Stefan: Elena...
Elena: Stefan, please. I don’t know how he’ll ever get past this. I just want him to forget everything that happened.
Stefan: If I did it, there’s no guarantee that it will work - because of who I am, because of how I live...I don’t have the ability to do it right.
Damon: (steps up to the porch) I can do it. If this is what you want...I’ll do it.
Elena: It’s what I want.
Damon: What do you want him to know?
Elena: I want you to tell him that Vicki left town. And she’s not coming back. That he shouldn’t look for her or worry about her. He’s gonna miss her, but he knows it’s for the best.
(Damon goes into the house)
Elena (to Stefan): Part of me wants to forget, too. Forget meeting you, finding out what you are, and everything that happened since.
Stefan: If that’s what you want.
Elena: Yes, it is. Because I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to feel like this. But I can’t. With everything that's happened...I can’t lose the way I feel about you.
(Damon exits the house)
Damon: It’s done.

162 Candles [1.08][edit]

Lexi: Well, let’s hope she’s better than the last girl you got a sprung over.
Stefan: You didn’t even know Katherine.
Lexi: ‘Cause if I did I’d kick her ass. Old bitch. Speaking of - where’s Damon?
Stefan: Inflicting misery somewhere.

Stefan: Katherine and Elena may look the same on the outside, but on the inside they are completely different.
Lexi: Oh...so Elena’s not a raging bitch then, huh?

Lexi: So...this Elena girl. She’ll come around, I’m sure of it. Have you had sex yet?
Stefan: No.
Lexi: Sex always works. I mean, you’ll rock her world so hard with your vamp sex she’ll be yours forever.
Stefan: Well, you see, this isn’t about sex or...or compulsion or any of our other tricks. She has to want to be with me on her own terms.
Lexi: Wow...that sounded all mature and grown up.
Stefan: Well, I’m not getting any older.
(...)
Stefan: Elena is warm and kind and caring and selfless and it's real. When I'm around her, I completely forget where I am.
Lexi: Oh my God… You’re in love with her.
Stefan: Yup… Yeah I am.
Lexi: Wow…

Damon: Hello, Lexi. What an unexpected surprise.
Lexi: Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.
Damon: Aww… You mean you didn’t come all this way to see me?
Lexi: That’s it, Damon. After a century, I finally realized death means nothing without you. Do me.
Damon: Why are you so mean to me?
Lexi: Uh, have you met you? You’re not a nice person.
Damon: Well, because I’m a vampire.
Lexi: But you’re only the bad parts.

Jeremy: Want to keep it down over there?
Jenna: Why, what are you doing?
Jeremy: Homework.
Elena: Since when do you do homework?
Jeremy: I have to finish this. I'm way behind and I have a quiz tomorrow, so...
Elena: What do you think...alien?
Jenna: Some sort of replicate.
Jeremy: He can hear you...

Caroline: Well are you having a good time?
Damon: Do you have my crystal?
Caroline: No.
Damon: Then I’m not having a good time.

Stefan (to Lexi): (awkwardly dancing) Just do me a favor. Tell me if you see Damon with his camera phone.

Damon: Stefan smiles - alert the media!
Elena: You haven’t given him a lot of reasons to be happy lately.

Damon: Does it get tiring? Being so righteous?
Elena: (smirks) It flares up in the presence of psychopaths.
Damon: Ouch! Well consider this psychopath’s feelings hurt.

Elena: What did you do to my brother?
Damon: I’mma need a less vague question…

Lexi: Ah. The famous Elena.
Elena: Towel girl.
Lexi: I've been called worse. Here.
(Lexi hands Elena a shot)
Elena: I didn't know that you guys could drink.
Lexi: Oh, yeah. It helps curb the cravings. But makes for a lot of lushy vamps.
Elena: You know, I've never seen Stefan drunk. He always seems so...
Lexi: Uptight?
Elena: Yeah.
Lexi: Yeah.
Elena: But not with you.
Lexi: Well, that's the benefit of knowing someone for over a hundred years. You can just be yourself.
Elena: Yeah, he can't be himself with me.
Lexi: Well, not yet. The first step was him telling you. The rest comes with time.
Elena: You seem so sure.
Lexi: The love of my life was human. He went through what I imagine you're going through: denial, anger, et cetera. But at the end of the day, love really did conquer all.

Elena: I’m scared.
Lexi: But you’re here. ‘Cause you’re crazy about him. I get, okay? I mean...what’s not to love?

Lexi: When it’s real, you can’t walk away.

Stefan: Thank you.
Lexi: You weren't supposed to be listening. (pause) I was feeling epic. Whatever.

Stefan: You came.
Elena: I couldn’t miss your hundredth and...whatever birthday.

Caroline: Am I shallow?
Matt: Is that a trick question?
Caroline: I don't mean to be. Yeah, I wanna be deep. I wanna be like...the abyss deep.
Matt: No offense, Care, but...deep's really not your scene.
Caroline: It's true. I’m shallow. I am worse than shallow. (starts to cry) I’m a kiddie pool.

Damon: I have a diabolical master plan.
Lexi: What is it?
Damon: Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be very diabolical, now would it?

Elena: Stefan..., Stefan...
Stefan: He killed her. He killed Zach. He killed Tanner. He turned Vicki. I have to kill him.
Elena: No. You can't do that.
Stefan: Why are you trying to save him? He's never gonna change. Don't you see that? He's never gonna change.
Elena: I'm not trying to save him - I'm trying to save you. You have no idea what this will do to you. Please, Stefan.
Stefan: Everywhere that I go, pain and death follow. Damon follows me. No more.
Elena: Please. Please, just talk to me. Let me be here for you. Talk to me.
Stefan: You were right to stay away from me.

Damon: Come on. I did this for you, to get them off our trail.
Stefan: You never do anything for anyone but yourself. (stabs Damon with a wooden stake)
Damon: (grimacing in pain) You missed.
Stefan: You saved my life - I'm sparing yours. We're even. And now, we're done.

History Repeating [1.09][edit]


Damon: Rise and shine! You’ll be late for school!
Stefan: What are you-- what are you doing?
Damon: Peace offering. (lifts a mug of coffee) C'mon, you need it for blood circulation. It does dead flesh good.
(Stefan glares in silence)
Damon: Alright, I’m sorry.
Stefan: Step aside, please.
Damon: I got the town off our back. It was for the greater good - but I’m sorry! And to prove it, I’m not going to feed on a human. For at least a...week. I’ll adopt the Stefan diet. Only nothing with feathers.
Stefan (mimicking Damon): Because I realize that killing your closest and oldest friend is beyond evil, and yet, somehow, it’s worthy of humor.
Damon: Are you mimicking me?
Stefan: Yes, Stefan. Now that the secret society of vampire haters is off our back, I can go back to my routine of how can I destroy Stefan’s life this week.
Damon (mimicking Stefan): And I can go back to sulking and Elena-longing and forehead-brooding. (in his own voice) This is fun, I like this.
Stefan (mimicking Damon): And I will finally reveal the ulterior motive behind my evil and diabolical return to Mystic Falls.
Damon: (pauses) Yeah, I’m done. (turns to leave)
Damon (mimicking Stefan): This is so like you, Damon - always have to have the last word.

Matt: Hey.
Caroline: Hey. What is that?
Matt: What is what?
Caroline: The "hey." That is twice. That is two heys. That's...do you have any other words in your vocabulary?
Matt: What's wrong with hey?
Caroline: It reeks of awkward subtext. You just spent the night in my bed. There was cuddling. Then you snuck out before dawn so you wouldn't have to face me. Which, I must say, is a total lame guy move. Which I did not appreciate. Now, with the heys? Seriously? I mean, I may have been some pathetic, insecure mess after the party, but do not mistake that for me being a pushover. Because I do not let guys mess with my head anymore.
Matt: I heard your mom in the morning. I didn't want to get you in trouble, so I went out the window.
Caroline: You went out the window? Well, another lame guy move.
Matt: Your mom's a sheriff. And as for the heys, I'm pretty sure it's what I've said to you every day since the first grade.
Caroline: Oh.
Matt: Trying to read something into it - lame girl move.

Elena: I'm sorry, Stefan. I thought that I couldn't be with you, but I can. You don't have to push me away. I can do this.
Stefan: I can't. I, uh, I have to leave, Elena. Too many people died. Too much has happened.
Elena: What? No, I know you think you're protecting me, but -
Stefan: Elena, I have to. Coming back was... It was a mistake. I can't be a part of your life anymore.
Elena: Don't go, Stefan. Please. You don't have to. This is your home, you just... Please don't go.
Stefan: (after kissing Elena's hand) Goodbye, Elena. (Turning his back and leaving, still in the woods)
Elena: You're just gonna walk away? Don't walk away, Stefan. Stefan!

The Turning Points [1.10][edit]

Logan: See, I know what you and your brother are. I've been watching the two of you. I knew you'd show up here. And I'm glad you did. Because I have some questions.
Damon: Me first. Who turned you?
Logan: How should I know? Last thing I remember is I'm about to stake your brother and then you grabbed me. That's it. Until I wake up in the ground behind a used car dealership on Highway 4. Somebody buried me.
Damon: It happens.
Logan: You bit me. It had to be you.
Damon: You have to have vampire blood in your system when you die. I didn't do that. Some other vampire found you. Gave you their blood.
Logan: Who?
Damon: That's what I want to know.
Logan: Dude! It's not like the welcome wagon was waiting with a bunk cake and a handbook. It's been a learn-as-you-go process. One minute, I'm a small town, on the rise news guy, and the next thing I know, I can't get inside my house because my foot won't go through the door.
Damon: You have to be invited in.
Logan: I know. I live alone.
Damon: Oh, that sucks.

Elena: I'm guessing you're not here to plan the path for your future. You're looking out for me.
Stefan: Hope that's okay. (After a little while) You know I, uh, I wanted to be a doctor before everything happened. But I couldn't, this...
Elena: The blood?
Stefan: Yeah. I've dabbled in a bunch of different things, though.
Elena: Didn't love anything enough to stick to it?
Stefan: No, I've loved it all, I just... I had to move on before anybody could notice that I wasn't...getting any older.
Elena: How long before that would happen?
Stefan: Few years, usually. Sometimes shorter.
Elena: And you always left?
Stefan: I didn't have a choice. So! What about, what about you? What are your plans for the future?
Elena: I don't want to talk about my future, Stefan. Because everything you're saying is making it perfectly clear that you're not going to be in it.
Stefan: No, Elena, it's not that I don't want to be, it's...
Elena: You can't, I get it. I heard you the first time, and the second time. And I appreciate you looking out for me, but, please, if you're gonna leave, then just go.

Elena: What I said earlier, about you leaving... It was harsh.
Stefan: No, no, you... You had every right.
Elena: You asked me what I wanted my future to be. I wanted to be a writer. My mom sort of pushed me into that direction from the time I was able to read. She supported me, encouraged me, bought me my first journal...and then she died. And I can't see myself being a writer any more. That was something that we shared. I know that you think that you brought all of this bad stuff into my life, but my life already had it. I was buried in it.
Stefan: This is different.
Elena: It doesn't make it any less painful.
Stefan: I know that it's...that it's hard to understand, but I'm doing this for you. (Gets out of the car, leaving Elena inside)
Elena: (Thinks, and gets out of the car, with a determined face) No. You don't get to make that decision for me. If you walk away, it's for you, because I know what I want. Stefan, I love you.

Bloodlines [1.11][edit]

Elena: Gah!
Damon: How you doing up there?
Elena: Damon?
Damon: You look stuck.
Elena: (sobbing) It's- it's my seatbelt.
Damon: Shh, shh, shhh. (wrenches passenger door open) Let me get you out of here. I want you to put your hands on the roof. Just like that. You ready?
(Elena nods)
Damon: One, two, three... (rips out seatbelt buckle)
Damon: I gotcha. (pulls Elena from the car) Are you okay? Can you stand?
(Elena groans)
Damon: Is anything broken? (sets her down; her legs buckle) Whoa! You are fading fast, Elena. Elena? Look at me. Focus... Look at me. Hey...
Elena: I look like her.
Damon: What?
(Elena collapses)

Damon: Good morning.
Elena: Where are we?
Damon: Georgia.
Elena: Georgia? No..no, we're not. Seriously, Damon, where are we?
Damon: Seriously, we're - we're in Georgia. (looks at her) How are you feeling?
Elena: I... I...
Damon: There were no broken bones. I checked.
Elena: My car... There was a man... I hit a man. (pause) But then he got up and...who was that?
Damon: That's what I would like to know.
Elena: Where is my phone? (Damon looks away) Okay, we really need to go back, nobody knows where I am. Pull over. I mean it, Damon, pull over.
Damon: (sighs tiredly)
Elena: Stop the car!
Damon: Oh, you were so much more fun when you were asleep. (pulls the car over)
Elena: (gets out of the car)
Damon: (helps her)
Elena: I'm fine. We have to go back.
Damon: Oh, come on. We've already come this far.
Elena: Why are you doing this? I can't be in Georgia. I...I wrecked my car. I have to go home. (pause) This is kidnapping.
Damon: That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?
Elena: You're not funny. You can't do this. I'm not going to Georgia.
Damon: Well, you're in Georgia. Without your magical necklace, I might add. I can very easily make you...agreeable.
Elena: What are you trying to prove?
(Elena's phone rings)
Elena: That’s my phone.
Damon: Mmm... (looks at the phone) It's your boyfriend. (holds the phone out to her; she refuses to answer) I'll take it. (answers) Elena's phone.
Stefan: Where is she? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?
Damon: Elena? Yeah, she's right here. And, yes, she's fine.
Stefan: Where are you? Let me talk to her.
Damon: (to Elena) He wants to talk to you.
Elena: Mm-mm. (shakes her head)
Damon: (to Stefan) Yeah, I, uh, I don't think she really wants to talk to you right now.
Stefan: Damon, I swear to God if you touch her-
Damon: You have a good day. Bye now.

Elena: Look, no one knows where I am. Can we please just go back?
Damon: We’re almost there.
Elena: Where is 'there'?
Damon: It’s a little place right outside of Atlanta. Oh, come on, Elena. You don’t want to go back right now, do you? What’s the rush? Time-out. Trust me, the problem is still going to be there when you come home. Look, step away from your life for 5 minutes. (she glares) 5 minutes!
Elena: Am I going to be safe with you?
Damon: Yes.
Elena: You promise not to do that mind-control-thing with me?
Damon: Yes.
Elena: Can I trust you?
Damon: Get in the car. Come on.

Elena: What about that man in the road? Was he a...?
Damon: From what I can tell...yeah.
Elena: You didn't know him?
Damon: If I've never met him, I wouldn't know him. It's not like we all hang out at the 'vamp bar and grill'.

Damon: Vampires can't procreate. But we love to try.

Elena: Aw, do you need a bib?
Damon: Sorry I can't unhinge my jaw like a snake to consume alcohol.

Elena: So, why did you bring me with you?
Damon: Well you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. You should give yourself more credit.
Elena: Seriously?
Damon: You know...you were there in the road, all 'damsel in distress'-like. And I knew it'd piss off Stefan. And...you're not the worst company in the world, Elena.
Elena: I used to be more fun.
Damon: You did okay.
Elena: I saved your life.
Damon: I know.
Elena: And don't you forget it.

Unpleasantville [1.12][edit]

Alaric: First person account of the Civil War? That's like porn for a history teacher.

Bonnie: Which is why you should ask Jenna. First of all, the Elena I know would always want the real truth. Good or bad.
Elena: And second of all?
Bonnie: You just found out that your boyfriend is a vampire. So unless your parents are aliens, how bad can it be?

Bonnie: You tried to kill me.
Damon: But I didn't. And if I wanted to, I would have. Does that not count for anything?

Jeremy: I'm stuck on punch duty at the school dance.
Anna: How'd you get stuck with that?
Jeremy: I'm failing English - I copped a plea.

Alaric: Can I get you a drink? I hear the punch is real...boss.

Damon: Elena, would you like to dance?
Elena: I would love to. (to Stefan) May I have this dance?

Elena: (to Stefan) You are so teaching me how to hand-jive.

Bonnie: Don't rain on my hot guy parade.
Caroline: It's just a drizzle.

Stefan: Now you remember that. Because it's never happening again.

Children of the Damned [1.13][edit]

(Stefan and Elena are in bed, cuddling)
Elena: (sighs) Good morning.
Stefan: I could get used to this...
Damon: Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
Stefan: What are you doing?!
Elena: Damon, please!
Damon: Oh, stop being smutty.
Stefan: Seriously, get out of here!
Damon: If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it. Now listen - we have some very important business to discuss.
Elena: And it has to be right now?
Damon: We have lots to do, now that we're all friends and working towards a common goal. So, in order to open the tomb, we need to find the journal to get the grimoire to undo the spell. So, first things first - since you are Elena Gilbert, you're on journal duty.
Elena: Since when am I helping?
Damon: Well, Stefan's helping, and you've taken up residency in Stefan's bed, ergo...
Stefan: You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Elena: I'll look for it today.
Damon: Good.
Stefan: How do we know that this journal will hold the location of the grimoire? Are we really gonna take the word of this vampire? He seemed like a bit of a dimwit.
Damon: In lieu of any other options...
Elena: Okay, what exactly is a grimoire, anyway?
Damon: It's a witch's cookbook.
Stefan: Every spell that a witch casts is unique unto itself, so every witch would document their work...,
Damon: Yeah. Cookbook.
Stefan: What about our mystery vampire? 'Dimwit' obviously wasn't working alone. So whoever's out there knows who we are.
Damon: And I don't like that disadvantage. So chop chop! You know, I'm really liking this whole menage-threesome team thing. It's got a bit of a kink to it. (turns to leave) Don't screw it up.

Anna: Hey, it's me again. Anna. Stalker chick and fuzzball champion.

Damon: Is she hot?
Jeremy: Yeah, but she can be weird.
Damon: Hot trumps weird. Trust me.
Jenna: (about Damon) He is ridiculously hot.
Elena: Shh! He's an ass.
(from the couch, Damon rolls his eyes)

Stefan: You met Damon.
Alaric: Who do you think killed my wife?

Fool Me Once [1.14][edit]

Stefan: Anna took Elena.
Damon: Yeah, I got that from your 600 voice mails.

Stefan: What if your blood hasn't passed out of her system?
Damon: Well, I guess you will see her again.
Stefan: Please, what do you know? You were with Anna - you must know where she's living. Just tell me where I can find her.
Damon: No. You can go now.

Stefan (to Damon): All I can remember is hating you. There may have been a time when that was different, but your choices have erased anything good about you. I also know that you have just as much reason to hate me. This all began with me. Katherine got taken away from you because of me...and I'm sorry.

Damon: I mean this sincerely: I hope Elena dies.

Elena: Do you really want Katherine out that bad?
Anna: Trust me, nobody that I know wants to see that girl again; except Damon, the love-struck idiot.

Stefan: I can get it.
Anna: Which means your brother has it. And I have the witch, so one of you had better meet me in the very public town square in 30 minutes so we can safely discuss how fun it's gonna be to work together. (hangs up)
Damon (to Stefan): Go ahead - grovel again. Oh, wait, no... I don't care.

Sheila: You got some nerve knocking on a Bennett witch's door and asking her for anything.
Damon: What'd I do?
Sheila: Spirits talk, Mr. Salvatore, and so does my granddaughter. You are no friend to us. Now get off my porch.
Damon: Step outside and say that.
Sheila: (stares hard at Damon)
Damon: (suddenly groans in pain and clutches his head)
Sheila: I am not Bonnie. You don't wanna mess with me.

Damon: Stefan will come after you, you know that. For messing with Elena.
Anna: Then he won't be too happy if I kill her when I don't get what I want. (begins to walk away)
Damon: (sighs) When do you want to do this?
Anna: (laughs) God, it's like 1864 all over again. You Salvatores are truly pathetic when it comes to women.

Stefan: Now we have to make Damon agree.
Elena: He already agreed once.
Stefan: Yes, and then we double-crossed him. So now he's angry.
Elena: He's hurt. There's a difference.

Damon: Fool me once, shame on you.
Elena: Okay, when we were in Atlanta, why didn't you use your compulsion on me?
Damon: Who says I didn't?
Elena: You didn't. I know you didn't. But you could have. You and I...we have something. An understanding. And I know that my betrayal hurt you, different than when it comes from Stefan, but I'm promising you now that I will help you get Katherine back.
Damon: I wish I could believe you.
Elena: (removes her vervain necklace) Ask me if I'm lying now.
Damon: (placing her necklace back) I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you - don't make me regret it.

Damon: (greeting Stefan, Bonnie, and Sheila) Brother. Witches.

Stefan: I can't.
Elena: Can't? Can't what?
Bonnie (to Elena): The spell's still up; we can't get them out. Yet.
Elena (to Stefan): You went in there not knowing if you could come back out?
Stefan: (nods silently)
Elena: Oh my God...
Stefan: I heard you scream.
Elena (to Stefan, about Damon): We can't leave him in there. We promised him, both of us.
Stefan: (nods) I know.

Damon: She's not here!
Stefan: Damon-
Damon: She's not here.
Stefan: What?
Damon: (throws blood bag at the wall) SHE'S NOT HERE!

Elena: (shouting) Stefan, they can't hold it much longer!
Stefan: Damon, we need to get out of here.
Damon: It doesn't make sense, they locked her inside...
Stefan: If we don't leave now, we're not getting out.
Damon: How could she not be in here?
Stefan: It's not worth spending all of eternity down here! (grabs Damon) She's not worth it!
Damon: (shakes him off) No!
Elena: Damon!
Damon: (looks at her)
Elena: Please.

Damon (to Anna): You knew Katherine wasn't in there.
Anna: You wouldn't have helped me.
Damon: (rushes Pearl; grabs her by the throat)
Anna: No!
Damon: Why do you get a happy ending?
Anna: Damon, please! You wouldn't have helped me! You know you wouldn't!
Damon: Why do you get it and I don't?
Pearl: The guard. The one at the church - the one who locked us in. She promised to turn him. He was obsessed with her.
Damon: (tightens his grip)
Anna: No-
Pearl: (choking) She had him under her spell...like everybody else. He let her go.
Damon: (releases Pearl)
Anna: The last I saw her...was Chicago. 1983. She knew where you were, Damon. She didn't care. (whispers) Sorry.

A Few Good Men [1.15][edit]

Sorority Girl: How do I taste?
Damon: Oh...so much better than your friends.

Damon: (groans) No, Buzzkill Bob...

Damon: Relax. I haven't killed anyone in...too long.

Damon: You wanna discuss the women of my past right now? Seriously?
Stefan: You killed her.
Damon: What's your point?
Stefan: (shrugs) I just-- I just wanna know if you remember anything about her.
Damon: Oh, it's like a needle in a haystack, Stefan.

Damon: Nothing is important. Not anymore.

Damon: I have to go exploit some women in the name of grief.

Kelly Donovan: Oh God. Not on my couch.

Damon: Don't you have some papers to grade?
Alaric: It's, uh, more fun with a buzz.
Damon: Well, most things are. Sober is...depressing.

Alaric: You have a good afternoon.
Damon: Not likely.

Damon: You know...a room full of women clamoring to win a date with me? Sounds...tasty.

Elena: Stefan?
Damon: Better. Me.
Elena: You look, uh...
Damon: Dashing? Gorgeous? Irresistible?
Elena: Wrecked. You look wrecked.

Elena: So I found out who my birth mother is...
Damon: Ugh, who cares? (Elena glares) She left you. She sucks.

Elena: He's fine.
Stefan: He's Damon.
Elena: You know, maybe this heartache will be good for him. It'll remind him that he has one, even if it doesn't beat.

Carol Lockwood: And last but not least: Damon Salvatore. We don't have much on you.
Damon: Well, I'm tough to fit on a card.

Stefan: Elena...
Elena: He killed her? Damon was the vampire that killed her?!
Stefan: I don't know what happened. Alaric said that they never found the body.
Elena: Oh my God. Stefan...
Stefan: I know. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I just-- I wanted to know more.
Elena: I was feeling sorry for him. Hoping that this whole Katherine thing would change him. I am so stupid...
Stefan: He doesn't know about the connection to you. I thought about confronting him, but he's already so on-edge-
Elena: Why are you protecting him?!
Stefan: Because you're not the only one hoping that he might actually change.

Damon: (as Elena collides with him) Whoa! Easy there. Buy a ticket like everyone else.
Elena: Did you enjoy that? Rubbing it in to Alaric Saltzman?
Damon: What?
Elena: Just as I was starting to think that there was something redeemable about you.
Stefan: Elena...,
Damon: Am I missing something here?
Elena: Did I forget to mention, earlier when we were talking, about my birth mother? The one that 'gave me up'?
Damon: Mm-hmm.
Elena: Her name was Isobel. Go ahead...reminisce about how you killed her.

Alaric: You turned her because you 'liked her'?
Damon: No, I slept with her because I liked her.

Damon: (drives a stake through Alaric) Ah, this is a shame. We're kindred spirits, abandoned by the women we love. Unrequited love sucks. (pulls out stake)
Alaric: (gargles and gasps)
Damon: Hm. Sounds like I got a lung.

Stefan: What happened? What did you do?
Damon: Do what? He attacked me. I only told him the truth; his wife didn't want him anymore. Isn't my fault he couldn't...handle it.
Stefan: Like you've been handling Katherine?
Damon: I'm handling it fine. You know what? Isobel came to me, she found me, and if she's related to Elena, that means she's related to Katherine. Maybe Katherine sent her to me.

There Goes the Neighborhood [1.16][edit]

Anna (to newly released vampires): There are over one hundred and fifty channels. It's called a remote control.

Stefan: Have you thought any more about what you're going to do?
Elena: About what? Isobel, my vampire birth mother, who's related to my vampire ancestor Katherine, who screwed over your vampire brother? Nah, I haven't thought about it at all.
Stefan: I'm sorry I brought it up.
Elena: It'd just be nice if we could get through one day without having to deal with any of it. No vampire mother or brother.
Stefan: No vampires at all?
Elena: No vampires but you.

Matt: We can watch a movie at my place.
Caroline: With your mom and a six pack?
Matt: You know... You don't really help the situation. You could always try to be nice.
Caroline: Oh, I'm sorry. It's hard for me to show kindness to people that hate me. I'm not that evolved.

Pearl (talking to Harper): The keypad is for texting, which is what you do when you want to avoid talking to someone.

Damon: What exactly are you trying to achieve?
Pearl: Mystic Falls is our home, Damon. They took that from us. Our land, our home. It's time we rebuild.
Damon: What, are you crazy? It was 1864. Wake up, woman. The world has moved on.

Pearl (to Damon): I have four hundred years on you, little boy. I'll rip you from limb to limb without even blinking and you know it.

Elena: Have you ever even been on a double-date before?
Stefan: Oh, absolutely. '72, Heff and the twins.
Elena: What?
Stefan: Yeah...playmates. I got Miss June.

Jenna: Don't be grumpy. It can't be that bad.
Damon: You'd be surprised. My primary reason for existence has abandoned me, and after today's events, the remains of the shaky ground that I walk on are about to go 'kaboom.' (turns to Kelly) Let's get hammered.

Jenna: Hide. We're not here.
Kelly: Why? Where'd we go?
Jenna: Children under our care, five o'clock.

Matt: Is there anything you're not good at?
Stefan: Double-dating. This is all kind of new to me. I usually keep to myself. I don't always fit in.
Matt: That's because you're that guy.
Stefan: What guy?
Matt: The guy who seems like he has everything, so the people that don't kind of run the other way.
Stefan: Is that what I seem like?
Matt: Pretty much.
Stefan: Hmm... What a dick!

Caroline: (looking around the Salvatore mansion) This is much better than watching Damon visit cougar town.

Frederick: Vervain. Making it hard to find something to eat in this town.

Stefan: I remember them from 1864. They were in the tomb.
Damon: Yeah, about that...

Matt: Do you know what I was doing tonight, Mom? I was having fun, you know, trying to forget about all the crap that I have to deal with every day. Just enjoying a night with my friends. And then, there you are, wasted at the bar - where I work, by the way, to pay the bills that you don't pay. And then you're off acting like a freakin' kid, hooking up with some guy half your age. I'm the kid, Mom. You're supposed to be responsible for me.

Elena: How was your night?
Jeremy: Ah... Same old, same old. You?
Elena: Yep.

Anna: How did you know?
Jeremy: I knew this girl. Vicki. She was attacked by an animal; a bite to the neck. She started acting crazy, weird, and it seemed like drugs, but then you showed me those articles. And then I saw your face and how it changed the night in the cemetery when I kissed you.
Anna: You know you can't tell anyone, right?
Jeremy: Who would believe me?
Anna: You'd be surprised.
Jeremy: Why didn't you kill me?
Anna: I don't know. Maybe I'm a sucker for guys like you.
Jeremy: Like what?
Anna: Lost. Why would you confront me about it? Why would you risk it?
Jeremy: Because if it was true, maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me.

Let The Right One In [1.17][edit]

Anna: I love storms.
Jeremy: Is that a vampire thing? 'Cause I read vampires don't like running water.
Anna: That's only Dracula. He was a complete wuss. Never showered...very smelly.
Jeremy: Seriously?
Anna: First rule about vampires: don't believe anything you read.

Anna: I'm not gonna turn someone who learned everything he knows about vampires from Netflix.

Pearl (to Frederick): We cannot live our lives about revenge.

Frederick: We should kill every last one of them.
Pearl: We are smarter than that, Frederick. These people are not our enemies. We don't hold grudges and resentments. We'll get our town back. We just have to have patience.
Frederick: You heard her - no revenge. Patience; self-control. She seems to have it all figured out, doesn't she?

Damon: I say we go to Pearl's and bust down the door and annihilate the idiot that attacked us last night.
Stefan: And then what? We turn to the rest of the house of vampires and say, 'Oops, sorry.'?
Elena: I can't believe you made a deal with her!
Damon: It was more like a helpful exchange of information. It's not like I had a choice. She's... scary. Besides, she's gonna help me get Katherine back.
Elena: Of course she is. Damon gets what he wants, as usual, no matter who he hurts in the process.
Damon: Well, you don't have to be snarky about it.
Elena: I woke up this morning to learn that all the vampires have been released from the tomb. I've earned snarky.
Damon: Ah... How long are you going to blame me for turning your birth mother in to a vampire?
Elena: I'm not blaming you, Damon. I've accepted the fact that you're a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities.
Damon: Ouch.
Stefan: This isn't being very productive. We're gonna figure out a way to deal with Pearl and the vampires, yeah?
Elena: I'm sorry. He just makes me so cranky.
Stefan: I know...he makes everybody cranky.
Elena: So... What are we gonna do?
Stefan: Damon and I are gonna handle everything. I promise.
Elena: Well...what about me? I can't just sit here and do nothing.
Stefan: That's exactly what you're gonna do because that's what's gonna keep you safe.
Elena: Which means nothing if you're not safe too.
Stefan: What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath on my side.
Elena: That's comforting.

Jeremy: Does your mom know you're a...?
Anna: The fact that you would even think it's possible to keep something like that a secret from your own family is just further proof that you're not ready.
Jeremy: 'Not ready' is a step up from 'no'.
Anna: And a million steps down from 'maybe'.

Matt: I yelled at my mom last night. You know, I feel like the parent with the screwed up kid.
Caroline: Well, maybe she needed to hear it.
Matt: Yeah, but I worry that if I push too hard then she'll take off again, 'cause that's her M.O. Just like Vicki, who I haven't heard from since she left.
Caroline: Well, you can't control your mom, Matt, any more than you can control your sister.
Matt: I wish that she would just try, a little, you know. If she would just try to try, that would be okay.
Caroline: Maybe she'll surprise you. People have a tendency to do that. I should go before the roads get even worse from the storm.
Matt: Are you sure that you should be driving right now?
Caroline: I have to - it's my dad's boyfriend's daughter's birthday. We have a nontraditional traditional ritual.
Matt: Well, buckle up.

Damon: Hunting party?
Stefan: That guy did a number on me last night when he stabbed me. I've got to get my strength back up.
Damon: I have two liters of soccer mom in the fridge. (Stefan doesn't respond) No?
Stefan: We'll talk when I get back.
Damon: Alright... Give my regards to the squirrels.

Damon: You're ignoring me.
Elena: The six missed calls? Sorry. My phone's dead.
Damon: Is Stefan here?
Elena: No. Why? Is something wrong?
Damon: He went out in to the woods and didn't come back. I can't get him on his phone. I figured he was here with you.
Elena: (calls Stefan) It's going straight to voicemail. Where could he be?
Damon: You're not gonna like what I'm thinking.

Damon: Pearl, open this door or I swear I'll bust through and rip your head off.
Frederick: Pearl's not home. Mmm... Beautiful weather. Not a ray of sun in the sky.
Damon: Where's my brother?
Frederick: Billy? (Billy and another vampire drag Stefan into the room)
Damon: You are dead.
Frederick: I'm sorry you haven't been invited in. Miss Gibbons?
Miss Gibbons: Yes, Frederick, honey?
Frederick: Never let this bad man in.
Miss Gibbons: I'll never let him in.
Frederick: One hundred forty-five years left starving in a tomb, thanks to Katherine's infatuation with you and your brother. First few weeks every single nerve in your body screams with fire... kind of pain that can drive a person mad. Well, I thought your brother might want to get a taste of that before I killed him. Billy! (Billy stakes Stefan in the abdomen; Stefan falls to his knees in pain)
Frederick (to Damon): You have a nice day.

Damon: Well, don't you look alive?
Alaric: You can't hurt me.
Damon: Oh, I can hurt you, alright.
Elena: Mr. Saltzman, we need your help. Stefan's in the house; Damon's a vampire, he can't get in. We need you. I would go, but...
Damon: But your life is valuable. Yours, on the other hand, is...
Elena: Stefan told me about your ring.
Alaric: What about it?
Damon: Let me re-cap: You tried to kill me, I defended myself, you died, and - according to my brother - your ring brought you back to life. Am I leaving anything out?
Alaric: Yeah... The part where I try and kill you again, only this time I don't miss.
Elena: Mr. Saltzman... Please. It's Stefan.
Alaric: I'm sorry, Elena. It's not my problem.
Damon: That's a shame, 'cause the woman in charge of the crowd can help you find your wife.
Alaric: You're lying.
Damon: Am I? Why don't you ask her for yourself? (Alaric doesn't respond) Coward. Come on, Elena.
Alaric: All right. Wait. I'll go.

Jeremy: I wake up everyday and I feel okay. But there's something missing, like a hole. Some people, they fit in life or whatever. I don't.
Anna: So you want a pity turn? I don't think so.
Jeremy: You should turn me 'cause I don't have anything else.
Anna: Do you even know why we turn other people? It's not just to give someone a one-way ticket out of lonerhood, okay? One, we need someone to do our dirty work. Two, revenge. Three, boredom, but you know that never turns out well. And then, you know, there's the obvious one - you love someone so much that you would do anything to spend all of eternity with them. I'm sorry but you don't fit any of those categories yet.

Tyler: Be more creepy, dad. Not like your son is standing right here.
Mayor Lockwood: Grow up. Elections are coming. She's a constituent - and a rich one, from the looks of it.
Tyler: And you can tell all that by looking at her ass. Awesome. I'm gonna go shoot some pool.

Damon: Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night.
Alaric: I have you to thank for that.

Elena: Damon, now's not the time to be the Lone Ranger.

Damon: Oh, I understand. He's the reason you live. His love 'lifts you up where you belong.' I get it.
Elena: Can you just not joke around for two seconds?

Damon: Miss Gibbons, now tell me the truth. Are you married?
Miss Gibbons: No.
Damon: Parents? Children? Anyone else who lives on this property?
Miss Gibbons: No, it's just me.
Damon: No? Good. (Damon snaps Miss Gibbon's neck)
Alaric: You were supposed to compel her!
Damon: It doesn't work that way.
Alaric: She's human.
Damon: And I'm not, so I don't care! Now get out of here... and get rid of the body.

Pearl: I'm in the process of obtaining some property. I understand that your family is the largest property-owner in town.
Mayor Lockwood: Well, yes we are - dating all the way back to the town's original charter.
Pearl: Your family came in to a lot of new property in 1864.
Mayor Lockwood: You know your history.
Pearl: It's a passion of mine.

Tyler: The guy's not even subtle about it.
Matt: Who is that?
Tyler: It's not my mother.

Frederick: Billy, Jacob, get back in here.

Stefan: Thank you... for trying to help me.
Harper: They just needed somebody to blame; someone to punish.
(Elena enters the room)
Stefan: Elena. You shouldn't be here.

Damon (to Elena): You rescue, I'll distract. Go.

Damon: How many of those vervain darts do you have left?
Alaric: One.
Damon: Not gonna be enough.

Alaric: What you said to get me to do this, about my wife, was a lie, wasn't it?
Damon: Yep.
Pearl (from outside): Stop. What's going on here? (Pearl enters the house, looks around and then at Damon) What did you do?
Damon: Me? Your merry little band of vampires spent the day torturing my brother.
Pearl: Trust me. The parties responsible for this will be dealt with.
Damon: Our little arrangement doesn't work unless you learn to control them.
Pearl: This wasn't supposed to happen.
Damon: Well, it did. If I had a good side... not a way to get on it.

Elena: How are you doing?
Stefan: Ah, I'm okay. The wounds have mostly healed.
Elena: Good.
Stefan: Elena.
Elena: Yeah.
Stefan: What you did today, coming to help me... you could have been killed.
Elena: I know.
Stefan: And what I did... I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you had to see it.
Elena: I've just never... You were like this other person, and it's my fault. I made you...
Stefan: What? No, no, no, no. You didn't make me do anything. You were saving my life. And I was saving yours. Everything's gonna be okay.

Damon (to Alaric): That was fun. Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you hate me. Guess what? Everyone hates me. But you can't deny we were bad-ass.

Under Control [1.18][edit]

Damon: (shouting to be heard above the music) Could you turn it up a little bit? It's not annoying yet.
Stefan: Sorry.
Damon: When are you going back to school?
Stefan: Soon.
Damon: Oh, come on.(offers him glass of blood) Just drink, already. Come on. This self-detox is unnatural.
Stefan: Could you get that away from me, please?
Damon: How long did it take you to wean yourself off of it after you last "indulged"? (Stefan doesn't answer) That's not good.
Stefan: I'll be fine. It just takes a little bit of time.
Damon: I don't get it. You know you don't have to kill to survive. That's what blood banks are for. I haven't hunted a human in...God, way too long.
Stefan: Oh, I'm impressed.
Damon: It's completely self-serving - trying to get the town off the trail of vampires. Which is not very easy, considering there's an entire tomb of them running around.
Stefan: What are we planning on doing about that?
Damon: You're not gonna be doing much of anything if you don't have your strength. There's nothing wrong with partaking in a healthy diet of human blood from a blood bank. You're not actually killing anyone.
Stefan: I have my reasons.
Damon: Well, what are those holier than thou reasons, because, you know, we've never actually discussed that. You know, I'd love to hear this story.
Stefan: You're really enjoying this, aren't you? Just watching me struggle.
Damon: Very much so.
Stefan: I hate to break it to you, Damon, but I actually have it under complete control.
Damon: You do? Oh, well, then you should just carry on making the rest of us vampires look bad. Have a great day, Stef. (leaves the room, leaving his glass of blood on a side table; returns a moment later.) Oh, hey, almost forgot something. Oops.

John Gilbert: What's up with Jeremy?
Jenna: He just lost a friend, so try to be sensitive.
John: I'm always sensitive.
Jenna: Right. So, really, how long are you staying?
John: Can't you at least pretend that you're happy to see me?
Jenna: (acting perky and excited) Oh my god! John, it is so good to see you! How have you been? (drops the act) No, I can't.
John: Did you really think I was just gonna sign the escrow papers and send them back?
Jenna: Actually, I did.
John: I'm not gonna let you sell my brother's office.
Jenna: It's not up to you or me - it belongs to Jeremy and Elena.
John: They're minors, so I get the final say, being that I'm the estate's trustee.

Damon: He's a Gilbert?
Sheriff Forbes: Elena's uncle. His name is John, but I call him jackass.

John: The Gilberts have been a part of this town for 150 years. One of the founding families. Along with that distinction, comes certain obligations, including going to the party. One day, when you can appreciate the significance, I'll tell you all about your heritage.
Jenna: Mmm...'Gilbert family legacy.' I forgot how sacred it was. I'm not a Gilbert, so I was never cool enough to hear it.
Jeremy: Why does she hate you?
John: We used to sleep together.
Jenna: (throws a wrapper at him) I am standing right here!

Elena: Oh good, you're here.
Damon: You ask, I come. I'm easy like that.
Elena: Shh! (nods to her brother, who is oblivious to their conversation; points to the stairs)
Damon: (dramatically and loudly) No, Elena! I will not go to your bedroom with you! (chuckles as she drags him to the stairs)

Damon: (entering Elena's bedroom) Ah... Just like I remember.
Elena: Stop messing around.

Damon: You know, did you know that your uncle's been kickin' it with the Founder's Council?
Elena: What?
Damon: Yep.
Elena: Perfect. We'll just add it to the growing list of how everything's falling apart.

Damon: It is what it is, Elena. The Stefan you know is 'good behavior' Stefan; 'reign it in' Stefan; 'fight against his nature to an annoyingly obsessive level' Stefan. But if you think there's not another part to this, then you have not been paying attention. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Elena: He is not you. Not even close.
Damon: Well, he's doesn't wanna be me. But that doesn't mean, deep down, that he's not.

Stefan: Oh God. I shouldn't be here.
Damon: Come on, don't be a downer. It's a party for the founding families - that would be us. It would be rude to skip it.
Stefan: You know, I really liked you a whole lot better when you hated everybody.
Damon: Oh, I still do. I just love that they love me.

Damon (to Stefan): Don't embarrass me, young man!

Kelly Donovan: Well, I guess dead kid rates a special greeting from the mayor, huh?

Elena: You're totally that drunk high school guy at the party sneaking booze.
Stefan: I totally am, yeah.

Damon: Have I entered an alternate universe where Stefan is fun?

Stefan: Please dance with your alcoholic vampire boyfriend.

Elena: Have you noticed what your brother's been up to?
Damon: Nope. I've been too preoccupied with yours. Jeremy's been asking questions about Vicki Donovan's death.
Elena: He knows that her death was ruled an overdose.
Damon: Really? (imitating Jeremy's voice) Oh, but Sheriff, someone buried her! Who would do that? (points to himself) I know! I know! Me. (pauses) I mean, I could compel him, but he's wearing vervain...
Elena: No - I don't want you to compel him.
Damon: If he keeps asking questions...
Elena: Damon, no! I'm serious! I'm not gonna do that to him again. I'll handle it.
Damon: (sighs) Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Kelly (to Tyler): Is that soda? (grabs his glass and drinks)
Tyler: Uh...
Kelly: Vodka. Thank God...

John: So what do you think, Damon? You know this vampire problem is real, right? It's a potential bloodbath.
Damon: Oh, I wouldn't overreact, John.

John: ...I think it's like 1864 all over again. Vampires running amuck. (pauses) Guess we're just gonna have to hunt them down, throw 'em in a church, and burn them to ash.

John: You see, it seems that there was a tomb under the church, where vampires were hidden away - waiting for someone to come along and set them free. But then you already knew that, didn't you? Being that you're the one that did it.
Damon: And you're telling me this...why?
John: I just thought we'd get the introductions out of the way...
Damon: Look, well, you know I could rip your throat out before anyone would notice.
John: (nods) Right.
Damon: Yeah, okay. But you probably ingest vervain, so...
John: Why don't you take a bite, find out?
Damon: It's not worth my time.
John: (scoffs)
Damon: (chuckles) Hm. (pauses, then snaps his neck)

Damon: Do you wanna hear the bad news, or the really bad news?
Stefan: Actually, I don't want any news, Damon.
Damon: Alright, well, let me rephrase: do wanna hear how the council's back in 'vampire mode', or... how I just killed uncle John Gilbert?
Stefan: ...What?
Damon: Great party, by the way, huh?

Damon: (sees John Gilbert alive) You've got to be kidding me...

Damon: Look at his right hand.
Alaric: Whose?
Damon: Town's favorite son. Look at his ring.
Alaric: Wow. It looks like mine.
Damon: Yeah... And that'd be a big coincidence if he didn't just come back from the dead five minutes ago. Where the hell did you get that ring?
Alaric: Isobel, my wife.
Damon: Who gave birth to Elena, under the medical care of the esteemed Dr. Grayson Gilbert - John's brother!
Alaric: You think John knew Isobel?
Damon: I think John knows a lot of things.

Tyler: Dad, I don't know what happened. I was drinking, and I just lost it-
Mayor Lockwood: (viciously slaps him) That is the last time you embarrass this family.

Damon: Going somewhere?
John: Never liked to be the last one to leave a party. It's too desperate. You gonna kill me again, or you gonna let Mr. Saltzman do your dirty work?
Alaric: Okay. You obviously know who I am.
John: I do. Alaric Saltzman, the high school history teacher with a secret.
Damon: You sure know a lot for someone who just got to town.
John: More than you can imagine, Damon. My knowledge of this town goes beyond anything that you, or you, or the council, knows. So, if you were planning on some clever, high speed, snatch-ring vamp kill-move, know that if I die, everything I know goes to the council - including the fascinating little tale of the original Salvatore brothers and their present-day return to Mystic Falls.
Alaric: How did you get that ring?
John: I inherited one. My brother, Gray, the other. This was his, although I wouldn't have given mine to Isobel had I known she'd hand it over to another guy.
Damon: So you did know her?
John: Who do you think sent her your way when she wanted to become a vampire?
Damon: You sent her?
John: Guilty. Why? Did you think someone else sent her? Maybe Katherine Pierce?
Damon: How do you know about Katherine?
John: How do I know anything, Damon?
Damon: What do you want?
John: So many questions...

Elena: Talk to me, Stefan. Tell me.
Stefan: I tried so hard to keep it together tonight, and it was working. It was working. But then Matt's mom... she got hurt and she was bleeding and I had her blood on my hands.
Elena: And then what happened?
Stefan: The guy in the parking lot... I wanted to feed on him, and it took everything inside of me not to do it.
Elena: But you didn't?
Stefan: No, but I wanted to. Elena... my head is pounding. I feel like my skin is on fire. I have this hunger inside of me that I've never... I've never felt before in my entire life and I keep thinking about how I promised that I would never keep anything from you. So I'm telling you this.
Elena: It's okay. I need you to tell me these things.
Stefan: But I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to know that this side of me exists.
Elena: Stefan, you're gonna get through this. I'm gonna help you pull through. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.
Stefan: No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I-- I can't. I'm afraid of what I could do to you.
Elena: I'm not. Stefan. Stefan? I'm not. I'm not, okay?
Stefan: I love you so much.
Elena: Oh, I love you, too.

Damon: We have a problem, Stefan. And when I say 'problem,' I mean global crisis. Seems Uncle John has a... (looks up at Stefan who is swaying on his feet) You don't look so good. (pauses) It's different this time, isn't it? The need is too strong. Of course it would be after all these years. (sets his glass of blood on the table) Have a good night, brother. (leaves)

Miss Mystic Falls [1.19][edit]

Stefan: I woke up this morning and I was feeling great and I figured it was time for me to get back in to things.
Elena: Does that mean you're okay, now, with all the cravings?
Stefan: Yeah. I mean, the worst part is over. So now, all I want to do is spend as much time with you as possible.

John: Meaning the vampire who stole the blood used mind control to hide the theft.
Damon: I know what she means.

John: I think we'll make a good team. Don't you, Damon?
Damon: John, whatever I can do to help keep this town safe. Even if it means spending time with you.

Alaric: This week we're gonna set aside our regular curriculum for a lesson in local history, as we approach Founder's Day. Apparently, the community leaders feel that's more important than World War II. But, hey, what do I know?

Damon: You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed-off vampires. What did you think was going to happen?
Anna: My mom is devastated. They tried to overthrow her.
Damon: Why isn't she here, telling me this?
Anna: She doesn't really do apologies.
Damon: Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause I don't do forgiveness.

Stefan: You're making small talk. Why?
Damon: You seem awfully chipper, lately. Less doom and gloom - a little more pep in your step...

Damon: Stefan, let's be serious for a second. You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe that this "new you" has nothing to do with human blood? Nothing?
Stefan: I'm clean.
Damon: You're lying!
Stefan: Believe what you want.

Damon: Well, well...he's a liar and a thief. So, when were you gonna share?
Stefan: Go ahead. Help yourself.
Damon: No, no, I'm talking about the fact that you're a closet blood junkie.

Damon: Just remember, we're trying to keep a low profile. Why don't you just walk up to Sheriff Forbes and ask her to tap a vein?
Stefan: Have my actions negatively impacted you? Whoo... I can't imagine what that must feel like.

Damon: You've been off the human stuff for years, Stefan. If you're having trouble controlling...
Stefan: I'm not having any trouble.
Damon: Who do you think you're talking to? I know what it's like! That "Jekyll and Hyde' feeling... There's that switch - sometimes it goes off and you snap...

Caroline: I'm on the M.F. beautification committee, I volunteer at the rec center soup kitchen...
Elena: I recognize that I haven't been as involved, this year, as I used to be...
Caroline: ...I implemented this year's Go Green campaign at school...
Elena: I've been distracted, and I let a lot of things slide...
A Girl: I don't think it's wrong for me to win two years in a row...
Amber Bradley: I was surprised to have been selected, since I'm not from one of the founding families...
Elena: ...but I'm aware of what an honor this is, and I want you to know that I take it seriously...
Caroline: ...worked with the county's recycling program and was in charge of the policemen's yearly raffle...
Tina Fell: ...just because my D.U.I. made my community service mandatory doesn't mean I was any less committed...
Elena: ...this was really important to my mother. She believed in community, family, honor, and loyalty. It's the legacy she left for me.

John: Hey, partner!
Damon: What do you want?
John: You haven't returned any of my calls.
Damon: Most people would take that as a hint.

John: I'll tell the entire council what you are.
Damon: Go for it! I'll kill every last one of them. Then I'll sever your hand, pull your ring off, and I'll kill you, too. Do you understand that?

Elena: This is ridiculous.
Stefan: You're only saying that because you don't know how to do it.
Elena: Sorry only one of us was around when the dance was invented.
Stefan: Ouch! (twirls Elena and dips)
Mrs. Lockwood: Oh - no! No, no, no. There's no touching during this part. It's about the simple intimacy of the near touch.
Stefan: If you ask me, the "near touch" is over-rated.

Caroline: And Amber Bradley is only on the court so the pageant doesn't look like it's founding families only, which, of course, it is. So that leaves Elena, and she totally has the sympathy vote, since her parents died. How can I compete with that?
Bonnie: Very nice. Very sensitive.

Anna: I remember this event from 1864. I was supposed to enter...before everything happened.
Damon: Ah, nostalgia's a bitch.
Anna: If you're just gonna mock me, could you move along, please?

Elena: Hey! You...can't be back here.
Damon: We need to talk.
Elena: Does it have to be right now?
Damon: Normally I would have a completely different outlook on what I'm about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I'll...squeal.
Elena: What are you talking about?
Damon: Stefan's still drinking human blood.
Elena: ...What?
Damon: Yeah. (shrugs) A month ago, I would've rejoiced. But with the council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle.
Elena: I know he's been a little edgy, but, he said that was normal...
Damon: He has a fridge, full of stolen blood bank contraband, in the house.
Elena: Oh my God...
Damon: He has no idea what normal is - his entire existence isn't normal. Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood, but he's spent all this time fighting it, when he should have been learning how to control it. And now it's controlling him, instead.

Anna: You were basically using me to turn you into a vampire so you could be with someone else.
Jeremy: No, I wasn't using you.
Anna: Really? Then how would you like to define it?
Jeremy: (scoffs) I don't think it's any worse than becoming friends with me so we could give your mother my blood.
Anna: How do you know that?
Jeremy: It's not important.
Anna: Seriously, Jeremy. What do you know?
Jeremy: Everything. I know everything.

Stefan: What's going on in here?
Damon: Just filling Elena in on your extra-curricular activities.
Stefan: (scoffs) What are you talking about?
Elena: I know about the blood, Stefan.
Damon: I'm gonna... I'll be downstairs. Drinking.

Jeremy: There's a part of me that's so angry that she covered up what happened to Vicki and erased my memory, but there's also this other part of me that's glad. I don't want to remember Vicki like that.
Anna: As a monster?
Jeremy: No. As someone who wanted to hurt me.
Anna: When I met you, you were just a part of my plan to get my mother back, but then things changed... all the time we spent together. I would never do anything to hurt you... not now. You know that, right?

Stefan: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not very good to be around, right now. I'm a little bit on edge. I've been drinking the human stuff, and it's really screwing with my head. She knows now! She wasn't supposed to find out, I didn't want her to find out, now everything's ruined.
Amber: You seem sad.
Stefan: I'm not sad! I'm FREAKING. HUNGRY.

Stefan: I don't hurt people. I don't do that. I'm the good brother.
Amber: Do you want to hurt me?
Stefan: I want to kill you. I want to rip into your skin, and then I want to feed on your blood. Under your skin...pulsating, flowing. Your carotid artery...right there. If you puncture this just right, you can control the blood flow. Takes practice, but it doesn't have to make a mess. You don't have to waste any.
Amber: What's stopping you?
Stefan: If I do this...if I give in... then there's no going back.
Amber: Then don't.

Stefan: What's your name?
Amber: Amber.
Stefan: Listen to me, Amber. I need you to be afraid of me. I need you to run like hell, do you understand me?! Run. Run! Now!
Amber: (screams and runs)
Stefan: (runs after her and catches her)
Amber: (screams) I thought you said to run!
Stefan: I changed my mind. (feeds on her)

Damon: Alright, now this is getting weird...
Anna: We're here to talk.
Damon: Not in the mood! Today's been a no-good, very-bad day.

Stefan: You shouldn't be here.
Elena: I know.
Stefan: Now you know.
Elena: That wasn't you.
Stefan: Oh, it was absolutely me. A monster...a predator. It's who I am, Elena.
Elena: That's what the blood makes you.
Stefan: The blood brings out what's inside of me, and if you think any differently then you're an idiot!
Elena: I know this isn't you, Stefan.
Stefan: I wanted to drain every ounce of blood from that girl's body.
Elena: No...
Stefan: It's who I am, Elena!
Elena: No, you can't scare me off.
Stefan: Why would you risk it? Why would you come here?
Elena: Because I did this! This is my fault! I'm the one who made you drink the blood...
Stefan: All you did was expose me to who I really am!
Elena: This isn't you.
Stefan: STOP SAYING THAT! (tries to compose himself) Don't get any closer to me...
Elena: I'm not going to let this happen to you.
Stefan: Stop.
Elena: Stefan, I'm not going to give up on you. I believe in you...
Stefan: STOP! (slams her against the wall) Stop! (hits the wall behind her)
Elena: (gasps loudly)
Stefan: (realizing what he's done) I'm so sorry.
Elena: It's okay... It's okay...
Stefan: (sobs)... I don't know what's happening to me...
Elena: It's okay, Stefan. Shhh...it's okay. It's okay. (starts crying) You're gonna be okay... (stabs him with a vervain tranquilizer)



Damon: Sure you wanna do this?
Elena: I'm sure.
Damon: (closes dungeon door) There's no guarantee this is gonna work.
Elena: It has to.
Damon: (starts to leave) Coming?
Elena: I'm gonna stay here. (sits, leaning against the wall)
Damon: (sits across from her)

Blood Brothers [1.20][edit]

(1864)
Stefan: We don't have long.
Damon: (opens the door to the prisoner's cart) Katherine! Katherine?
(both brothers pull her out; Damon begins untying her)
Damon (to Katherine): We're gonna get you out of here.
Stefan: Damon, hurry. Hurry!
(Damon is suddenly shot from behind)
Stefan: No! No...
Damon: (gasps weakly; dies)
Stefan: Damon-
(Stefan is shot)

Elena: (referring to Stefan) It's so hard to see him locked up like this.
Damon: You're the one who locked him up.
Elena: You helped.
Damon: I couldn't have him running around chewing on people while the town was looking for vampires, now, could I?
Elena: It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him...
Damon: Your thing, not mine.

Damon: So, you'll be here again tonight?
Elena: Is that a problem?
Damon: Yes. You're a complete nuisance.

Elena: What's his favorite type-- um...
Damon: Type of what?
Elena: Type of...animal blood that he prefers?
Damon: Ewww. Gross.
Elena: Your joking doesn't help.
Damon: It helps me.
Elena: (chuckles)
Damon: Hurry up, I can't babysit all night. I've things to do.
Elena: I would say "drop dead", but...
Damon: Ha-ha. Stefan likes...puppy blood. Little Golden Retriever puppies with cute, floppy ears. That's his favorite.

John: I know you know.
Elena: Know what?
John: It's really silly to keep pretending. What do you think your mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire?
Elena: Which mother?

(1864)
Damon: The sun hurts my eyes.
Stefan: That's part of it. The muscle aches, the sick feeling. Emily says it's our bodies pushing us to feed; to complete the transition.
Damon: That's not gonna happen.
Stefan: Is that your choice, then? To die, instead?
Damon: Isn't it yours? This was all to be with Katherine. She's gone. I want it over.

Anna: Your uncle John wants us dead.
Jeremy: Oh, you don't know that.
Anna: Yes, I do. He's a hater, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Well, I'm not.
Anna: No. You're something else entirely.
Jeremy: Oh, yeah? What would that be?
Anna: My weakness.

Elena (about Damon and Alaric): Are you two friends now?
Damon: I don't have any friends, Elena.
Elena: Right.

Damon: Give me the address.
Alaric: What, so you can go without me? No, I don't think so.
Damon: I'm not going with you. You tried to kill me.
Alaric: Well, you did kill me.

Stefan: You're taking a stupid risk. I could hurt you.
Elena: Then I'm stupid.
Stefan: I don't want to survive... after what I've done, I just want it to be over.

(1864)
Giuseppe Salvatore: (stands when Stefan appears in the doorway) Dear God...
Stefan: Even in our death, you only feel shame?
Giuseppe: You're one of them now...
Stefan: No. Father, I came to say goodbye.
Giuseppe: I watched you die...
Stefan: You were there when we were shot?
Giuseppe: I pulled the trigger myself.
Stefan: ...You killed your own sons?
Giuseppe: You were both dead to me the moment you sided with the vampires. I only thank God that your mother isn't alive to see the disgrace you've become.

Alaric: This was a real dead-end.
Damon: I wouldn't beat myself up over it, man. What did you think you were gonna find? Isobel with a cigar and slippers?
Alaric: (laughs) Oh man, I-- I gotta stop this. I can't keep searching for her.
Damon: Really? After only two years? That's actually...moderately healthy.
Alaric: What are you goin' on — a hundred and forty-six?
Damon: I figured the two hundred mark is probably a good stopping point.

Damon: She charmed me, your wife, Isobel. She talked a good game, man - she was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes... I probably should've known there was something different about her; some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her...
Alaric: That's enough, Damon, I don't wanna hear anymore. I just don't want to waste anymore of my life searching for answers I really don't want.

Damon: Ugh. God. You're still here?
Elena: Were you expecting anything else?
Damon: Nope. (sighs and takes a seat)
Elena: So, how was the "errand"?
Damon: Futile. Although I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?
Elena: I thought you didn't care.
Damon: Chalk it up to morbid curiosity.
Elena: I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with, and it doesn't help that you've spent the last hundred and forty-five years punishing him for Katherine getting caught.
Damon: This is my fault now?
Elena: No, it's no one's fault, Damon, I'm just...saying, you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable.
Damon: (stands up) Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?
Elena: He said there was more...
Damon: Yeah. That's an understatement.

Damon: From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him - it's been a hell of a ride.

Emily: You've transitioned.
Stefan: You'd have rather found me dead?
Emily: Katherine saved my life once. I owed her. But that doesn't mean I'd wish her curse on anyone.
Stefan: It feels more like a gift.
Emily: That will change.
Stefan: Why is that?
Emily: Because even in death, your heart is pure, Stefan. I sense that about you. That will be your curse.

Stefan: You don't understand, Elena.
Elena: Then tell me.
Stefan: It hurts me. It hurts me knowing what I've done. And that pain - that pain is with me all the time. And every day I think that if I just...if I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy. And every day I fight that. And I am so terrified that one day, I not going to want to fight that anymore more, Elena. And the next time I hurt somebody, it could be you.

Stefan: Thank you.
Damon: No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big, bad-ass brother again. All's right in the world.
Stefan: No, I mean it. Thank you, for helping her take care of me.
Damon: You brood too much. Everything on this planet's not your fault - my actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them - they belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.
Stefan: You feel guilt?
Damon: If I wanted to - it's there.

Stefan: Why didn't you tell me?
Damon: 'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you, and I still do.
Stefan: I know.
Damon: ...But not because you forced me to turn.
Stefan: Then why?
Damon: ...Because she turned you, too. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan. Just me.

Isobel [1.21][edit]

Alaric: How could I not search for you?
Isobel: Because I wasn't lost, Ric.
Alaric: Screw you, you selfish bitch.

Damon: You successfully cured him of anything interesting about his personality.
Elena: Remember who helped me.
Damon: I hate myself.

Caroline: Southern Classic Elegance.
Bonnie: Gone With the Wind?
Caroline: How'd you know?
Bonnie: You channel Scarlett daily.

Alaric: Damon. Thanks for coming.
Damon: Sorry I'm late. The dog ate my, uh... Nevermind.

Damon: Did you ask her about uncle John? Are they working together?
Alaric: No.
Damon: No, they're not?
Alaric: No, I didn't ask.
Damon: What about the invention?
Alaric: Didn't ask.
Damon: Does she know about the tomb vampires?
Alaric: I don't know.
Damon: Did words completely escape you?
Alaric: No, I was a little too distracted by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions!

Alaric: She threatened to go on a killing spree.
Damon: Oh. I take it that's...not...okay with you guys?

Isobel: Your new boyfriend, over there by the pool table? Stefan Salvatore. Why Stefan? Why didn't you go for Damon? Or are you enjoying them both, like Katherine did?

Damon: We should be in there...
Alaric: No, Isobel made it clear we're not to step a foot inside.
Damon: I'm not going to kill her in a crowded restaurant.
Alaric: You're not going to kill her, period!

Alaric (to Damon): Hell, you're a dick and you kill people, but I still see something human in you.

Damon: You can turn it off. Like a button you can press. I mean, Stefan's different, he-- he wants the whole 'human experience'. He wants to feel every episode of "How I Met Your Mother", so he shuts his feelings out. The problem is, as a vampire, your instinct is not to feel.

Damon: No guilt and shame. I mean, come on - if you could turn it off, wouldn't you?
Alaric: You haven't.
Damon: (scoffs) Course I have, Ric. It's why I'm so fun to be around.

Damon: (slams Isobel down on the floor by her throat)
Damon: Now that I have your attention, listen up. You do not come into my town, threaten people I care about. Going after Elena? Bad move. You leave her alone or I'll rip you to bits, because I do believe in killing the messenger. And you know why? Because it sends a message. (picks her head up and slams it back into the floor)
Isobel: Unh! (groans in pain)
Damon: Katherine wants something from me, you tell that little bitch to come get it herself.

Bonnie: Are you sure this is what Isobel wants?
Elena: Yeah, I'm sure. Why?
Bonnie: This is a weapon. Against vampires.

Elena: Why are you doing this?
Isobel: I'm showing you how easy it is for me to hurt the ones you love.
Elena: And you're doing this just because of Jonathan Gilbert's invention?
Isobel: Hand it over, and it will all stop.
Elena: I told you, Damon is not going to give it to me.
Isobel: I think you underestimate how much Damon cares about you.
Elena: He'll kill you before he gives it up.
Isobel: Is that before or after I kill your brother, Jeremy?

Damon: I like being a living dead person

Damon: Are you even up for this? I mean, no offense, you're no Emily Bennett. Emily knew what she was doing.
Bonnie: I've been practicing.
Damon: It's not piano lessons, honey.

Isobel: Don't look for any redeeming qualities in me. I don't have any.
Elena: But you took a risk with Damon. How did you know that he was going to give [the device] to me?
Isobel: Because he's in love with you.

Elena: Thank you.
Isobel: For what?
Elena: For being such a monumental disappointment. It keeps the memory of my real mother perfectly intact.

Isobel: As long as you have a Salvatore on each arm, you're doomed.

Isobel: What did you expect? You spent all this time trying to track me down. What did you think you would find?
Alaric: The woman who gave me this. (raises his eternity ring) I mean, you act like you don't care - but you cared enough to protect me after you left.
Isobel: I was a different person back then.
Alaric: Right! And that person is gone. The woman I married, the woman I loved, she's just...she's gone. (throws the ring at her) You expect me to believe that? (throws his vervain on the floor)
Isobel: What are you doing?
Alaric: Well, I'm ring-free, I'm vervain-free. So either kill me or compel me, because I don't believe it. Not for a second.

Stefan: Well, I know that you and Elena have bonded, and I know that she cares about you, and...I know you care about her.
Damon: Well, this is going in an interesting direction.

Stefan: I'm just concerned about Elena being hurt. She considers you...a friend.
Damon: Same here. Elena is a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only..."friend."

Stefan: So, at the risk of sounding like, uh...like a jealous boyfriend...
Damon: Oh, there's no risk. You do.

Stefan: History will not be repeating itself where Elena is concerned. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Damon: Sure, sure.

Damon: Am I the only one around here who has the ability to put two and two together? Isobel! Helloooo? She dated John when she was 15; she gets pregnant, and ends up in the doctor's office of John's brother. Now, what do you think John's role is in all this? I mean, go ahead and think about it, I'll wait. (pauses) Did you get it? You there yet?
Stefan: So you think that John is Elena's father?
Damon: Ding, ding, ding!
Stefan: What proof do you have?
Damon: I don't need proof - that's a DNA test for John, Elena, and Maury Povich to deal with. But I know how well you deal with these "bombs", so... Sleep tight.

Founders Day [1.22][edit]

Stefan: What are you doing here?
Damon: Why wouldn't I be here? It's Founder's Day! I'm here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl.

Stefan: Don't start with me, Damon.
Damon: Oh, you started it, Stefan, with the whole "I'm insecure, leave Elena alone" speech. I'm just enjoying that.
Stefan: As long as you heard it.
Damon: Huh? What?

Damon: I get it. I'm the better, hotter, superior choice and you're scared, now that Katherine is out of the picture, that I'm gonna turn all my attention to Elena.

Anna: It's my blood. If you die with it in your system, you'll come back.
Jeremy: Anna...
Anna: I know you, what it's like for you...being alone, always feeling empty inside, no one to understand. But when you're a vampire, you don't have to feel that way! You can shut it off. I can show you how.

Elena: I have enough problems with the family that I actually care about. Jeremy hates me - and why wouldn't he? My journal gave him every single reason to.
Stefan: He's just hurt, he's confused.
Elena: He's never going to forgive me for Vicki, for taking away his memories, for lying to him...
Stefan: He's your brother, he'll forgive you. Just give him some time.

Tyler (talking about Matt): I said I was sorry!
Caroline: You made out with his mother and then you beat him to a pulp. You're gonna have to do a little bit better than "sorry."

Damon: I wanna say something to you.
Bonnie: Just leave me alone.
Damon: Thank you. The device in Emily's spell could have killed me. I don't take what you did lightly, so... thank you.
Bonnie: (nonplussed) I did it for Elena.
Damon: I know that, but I'm still very grateful. And... I owe you.

Damon (to normally-dressed Elena): I like you better like this. The period look, it... didn't suit you.
Elena: Is that an insult?
Damon: Actually, Elena, it is a compliment of the highest order.

Elena: So, I think you should stop with the flirty little comments and that...eye thing that you do.
Damon: (grins, quirks his eyebrows) What "eye thing"?

Elena: I lied; I was wrong. But you're my brother, Jer, and I love you, and I have to fix it. So just tell me, what can I do?
Jeremy: You can go to hell, Elena.

Damon: (mockingly) I have so many emotions, but I don't have any way to express them. Being a teenager is so hard!
Jeremy: You're a dick!
Damon: (grabs him) You do not talk to me like that. I'm not your sister. And from now on, don't talk to your sister that way, either.
Jeremy: So, you're going to kill me just because I hurt Elena's feelings?
Damon: Cut her some slack.
Jeremy: She erased my memories.
Damon: No, I did. She was protecting you.
Jeremy: It wasn't her call to make.
(Damon grabs him)
Jeremy: Let go of me before I cause a scene.
Damon: You'd be unconscious before you even got a word out.

Elena: What are you doing?
Damon: Saving your life, in 15 words or less. Tomb vamps are here, founding families are their target. (to Stefan) Get her out of here, now!
Stefan: Wait, where are you going?
Damon: That's more than 15 words, Stefan.

Damon: Mayor? Is that you?
Mayor Lockwood: What are you doing here?!
Damon: I'm a vampire. What's your excuse?

Stefan (about Damon): I try so hard...to hate him. I guess it's just pointless.

Bonnie: We both wanna protect the people we care about. This difference is, for you, Damon is one of them. You saw what I was able to do tonight. I know who I am now. And if Damon spills so much as one drop of innocent blood, I`ll take him down — even if I have to take you with him.

Damon: I saw her killed. I was watching and all I could think about was...I wanted to help her. But I couldn't.

Jeremy: Anna said that vampires don't have to feel pain; that they could turn it off if they shut out their humanity.
Damon: It's very true.
Jeremy: Is it easier that way?
Damon: Is what easier?
Jeremy: Life.
Damon: Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire, you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to.

Damon: You know, I came to this town wanting to destroy it. Tonight I found myself wanting to protect it. How does that happen? I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not...in me.
Katherine (pretending to be Elena): Maybe it is.
Damon: No. No, it's reserved for my brother, and you, and Bonnie... who, even though she has every reason to hate me, still helped Stefan save me.
Katherine: Why do you sound so surprised?
Damon: Because she did it for you. Which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that.
Katherine: You're welcome.

John: You know I first met Isobel when I was a teenager. I fell in love with her instantly, although I`m pretty sure she never loved me. She was special. Part of why I hate vampires so much is because of what she became. How it ruined her. And I never would`ve sent her to Damon had I known she wanted to turn. It`s my fault. I`m telling you this because I hope maybe you`d understand.

John: Katherine?!
Katherine: Hello, John. Goodbye, John. (stabs him)

Season 2[edit]

The Return [2.01][edit]

Stefan: She said she 'fooled one of us at least,' what does that mean?
Damon: She pretended to be Elena, too, when I showed up earlier that night.
Elena: I told Jeremy. I can't lie to him anymore.
Stefan: You alright?
Elena: No, I'm not alright. I thought with all the tomb vampires gone things would get better.
Stefan: I know. We all did.
Elena: Katherine was in this house. That means she's been invited in. What are we gonna do?
Damon: Move.
Elena: Very helpful. Thank you.
Damon: Katherine wants you dead, there’s zero you can do about it - you will be dead. But your're not, so clearly she has other plans.
Stefan: Right and we need to find out what those other plans are, and not provoke her in the process. What happened tonight when you thought she was Elena?
Damon: (winces) To risk another frown line encroaching on a very crowded forehead... We...kissed.
Elena: And you thought it was me?
Stefan: What do mean "you kissed"?
Damon: Well you know when two lips pucker and they go... (makes kissing noise; Stefan goes for Damon, Damon moves)
Damon: Don't be obvious, Stefan.
Elena: Stefan, wait, he... he kissed Katherine, not me. I wouldn't do that. We don't have time for this, guys.
Stefan: Later.
Damon: (nods)

Elena: Hey. How are you doing?
Damon: Great, Elena. Walking on sunshine. Thanks for asking.
Elena: Damon.
Damon: Elena.
Elena: We should be able to talk about this, Damon, we're close enough now. I really want to know how you’re doing.
Damon: I kissed you, I thought you kissed me back. Doppelganger hijinx ensued. How do you think I’m doing?
Elena: I think that you’re hurt.
Damon: Mmm, no - I don’t get hurt, Elena.
Elena: No, you don't admit that you get hurt. You get angry and cover it up, and then you do something stupid.
Damon: You’re scared. You think Katherine's going to send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that. You know, why-- why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?
Elena: That’s not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I’d kiss you back.
Damon: ... Now I’m hurt.

Damon: Go ahead - make your threats, stake your claim...
Stefan: I'm not gonna fight you.
Damon: Why? I'd fight me.

Damon: I kissed Elena.
Stefan: Because you feel something for her! Because you actually care. And I'm not gonna let Katherine come in here and destroy that part of you that is finally, after all of this time, willing to feel something. ... She'll try to break you. She'll try to break us. And how we respond to that will define us. It's our choice. So, no... I'm not gonna fight you.

Damon: Very brave of you to come here.
Katherine: I wanted to say goodbye.
Damon: Leaving so soon?
Katherine: I know where I’m not wanted.
Damon: Don't pout. It’s not attractive in a woman your age.
Katherine: Ouch. (Damon walks away. Katherine appears in front of him again) What, no goodbye kiss?
Damon: Why don't I kill you instead?
Katherine: (scoffs)
Damon: What are you doing here?
Katherine: Nostalgia, curiosity, etc.
Damon: I'm better at the enigmatic one-liners, Katherine. What are you up to?
Katherine: Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something, you'll know it. Come on, kiss me. Or kill me. Which will it be Damon? We both know you're only capable of one... (they kiss)
Damon: Okay, wait. Wait. Brief pause. I have a question. Answer it and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and I'll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you, I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we can start over. This can be our defining moment, because we have the time. That’s the beauty of eternity. I just need the truth, just once.
Katherine: Stop. I already know your question, and its answer. The truth is, I've never loved you. It was always Stefan.

Elena: Have you been drinking?
Damon: (makes gesture 'a little')
Elena: And you're upset. That's...not a good combination.
Damon: No, I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care.
Elena: Come on, Damon, that's a lie. You care.

Damon: You're surprised that I thought you'd kiss me back - you can't imagine that I’d believe that you'd want to?
Elena: Damon...
Damon: That what we've been doing here means something? You’re the liar, Elena. There is something going on between the two of us and you know it. And you’re lying to me, and you’re lying to Stefan, and most of all your lying to yourself. I can prove it.
Elena: No-
Damon:(kisses her)
Elena: Damon don't. What’s wrong with you?
Damon: Lie about this. (tries to kiss her again)
Elena: Stop it. You're better than this, come on.
Damon: That’s where you're wrong.
Elena: No, no, no, Damon...I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you! I do. But I love Stefan. Its always gonna be Stefan.

Jeremy: Elena, what's going on in here?
Elena: (struggles out of Damon's grip) Nothing, Jeremy, it's okay. Just-- just go back to bed.
Damon: No, it's not okay, Elena. (looks from her to Jeremy) He wants to be a vampire. (in a blur, he grabs Jeremy by the neck and pins him against the wall)
Elena: No, Damon, stop it!
Damon (to Jeremy): You wanna shut out the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world! The part of you that cares, it just goes away. All you have to do is flip the switch and snap! (breaks Jeremy's neck)
Elena: (gasps) Damon! (sees Jeremy fall to the floor) NO!

Stefan: He saw the ring, that's why he did it. He knew.
Elena: He didn't see the ring.
Stefan: It's Katherine. She got under his skin and she undid everything that was good about him.
Elena: There's nothing good about him, Stefan, not anymore. He's decided what he wants. He doesn't want to feel, he wants to be hated - it's just easier that way. (nods) He got his wish. (sobs) I hate him, Stefan.
Stefan: I know.
Jeremy: (gasps loudly, comes back to life)
Elena: Is he okay? Is he okay?
Stefan: He's okay. (to Jeremy) Shh, you're okay.
Jeremy: (gasping) He killed me. Damon killed me!

Caroline: Elena?
Katherine: Hi, Caroline.
Caroline: What are you doing here?
Katherine: My name is Katherine. I was hoping you could give the Salvatore brothers a message for me.
Caroline: What are you talking about? What message?
Katherine: Game on.

Brave New World [2.02][edit]

Damon: Aren't you worried that, one day, all the forest animals are gonna band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk...
Stefan: I'm just happy that's a, uh-- a blood bag and not a sorority girl supplying your dinner.
Damon: I like this. You, walking on eggshells around me because you think I'm gonna explode. It's very suspenseful.

Stefan (about Katherine): We have no idea what she's up to.
Damon: (scoffs) Sure we do! She came back to profess her undying, eternal love for you. So I'mma let you deal with her, 'cause I have more important things to do - like explode.

Damon: Jeremy, so good to see you alive.
Jeremy: Aren't you a little old for a high school carnival?
Damon: 150 years too old.
Jeremy: Your pretty funny - cracking jokes when I could, I dunno, blow the whole lid off this thing by telling someone what you really are.
Damon: So...please tell me that that is not a threat
Jeremy: Maybe it is. (looks at his ring)
Damon: Okay. (grabs Jeremy in a chokehold) This is what we're not going to do. We’re not going to walk around like we're invincible, when it is this easy for me to end you. If you wanna tell people what I really am, go ahead and try. I will shove this ring so far up your ass, you'll really have something to choke on. (throws ring at Jeremy)

Stefan: Huh. You're lurking...
Damon: I'm observing.
Stefan: More like obsessing...

Damon: Is he...?
Stefan: No. It wasn't that kind of strength. It was more than human, if that makes any sense.
Damon: What is up with that family? They're not vampires, what the hell are they?
Stefan: Ooo! Uh, maybe they're ninja turtles?
Damon: You're not funny.
Stefan: Or no, zombies. Werewolves.
Damon: No comedic timing at all.
Stefan: What? What are you up to?
Damon: Since this is reality, and there's no such thing as werewolves or combat turtles-
Stefan: I said ninja turtles.

Damon: Hey! You!
Carter: Uh, I have a name...
Damon: Yeah, I don't care.

Caroline (to Damon): You suck.

Damon: I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but I need you to come with me.
Elena: Whatever it is, I'm not interested.
Damon: Yeah, I need you to come with me right now, Elena.

Elena: But, why?
Damon: Because Katherine is a manipulative, nasty little slut.

Damon: Your silence is deafening, Stefan.

Damon: She will die. It's only a matter of time.
Stefan: Yeah, maybe so, but it's not gonna happen tonight.
Damon: Oh yeah, it is... (rushes Caroline with a wooden stake; Elena blocks him)
Elena: (gasps in terror, but holds her ground) Damon she's my friend.
Damon: (slowly backs away) Whatever happens...it's on you.

Stefan: When you feel the blood rush in, you tell yourself that you're gonna get through it; that you're strong enough. Yes, yes - no matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off. You bury it.

Bonnie: I can't believe this is happening...
Damon: Come on, don't pout about it. We got a body to bury.

Elena: Bonnie, stop it, you're gonna kill him! Bonnie! (shakes her) Hey! Bonnie.
Bonnie: Why-- why did you stop me?!
Elena: Because this isn't us! Bonnie, this can't be us.

Damon: What the hell are you doing here?
Jeremy: You don't lock your front door.
Damon: Yeah. (starts to take a drink)
Jeremy: I wouldn't, I-- I laced it with vervain.
Damon: Now why would you do that?
Jeremy: (holds up wooden stake) So I could stake you with this.
Damon: You came here to kill me?
Jeremy: Well, it's only fair. You killed me first.
Damon: What made you wisen up?
Jeremy: My father hated vampires. My uncle, too. They were absolute; they knew exactly what they stood for. I figure maybe I should, too. I mean, stand for something. But killing you - what's that gonna do?
Damon: Look, I don't do the big brother thing very well. Sorry I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you.
Jeremy: (gets up to leave) Dick.
Damon: Wait. (Jeremy stops) ...My father hated vampires, too. For the same reason yours did. Only it was 1864; people knew how to whittle. (looks at the stake) Did you do this?
Jeremy: Yeah, it's-- it's harder than it looks.
Damon: Hmm.

Elena: Stefan, what are we doing here? We're going to get caught.
Stefan: Well I compelled the guard to go on a break so I can kiss my girlfriend on top of the Ferris wheel.
Elena: Stefan...
Stefan: We have to take these moments, Elena. Alright? What Katherine did to Caroline could just be the beginning, and then there’s things about Tyler’s family that we don't even understand yet, and there’s always the D-word. But I came back to this town to start a life with you. We can’t forget to live it.

Bad Moon Rising [2.03][edit]

Damon: Thanks for coming, Ric. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Bourbon? Bourbon in your coffee?

Damon: If this wolf man thing is true, I’ve seen enough movies to know it's not good. It means Mason Lockwood is a real life Lon Chaney and that little Tyler punk very well may be a Lon Chaney Junior; which means Bela Lugosi, meaning me, is totally screwed.

Damon: Sorry you can't come too, Stef.
Stefan: (to Elena) Call me if you need anything, okay?
Damon: Oh I’ll take really good care of her.

Damon: How you doing back there? (Elena pouts silently) You know, this whole 'pretending to hate me' thing is getting a little silly.
Alaric: I don't think she’s pretending. You did kill her brother.
Damon: There is a huge astric next to that statement. He came back to life.
Elena: Yeah. Thanks to a ring you didn't know he was wearing.
Damon: How are you so sure I didn't know?
Elena: Did you?
Damon: Yes!
Elena: You’re lying.
Damon: Elena! I saw the ring! It’s a big tacky thing, it’s hard to miss.

Damon: I can't reach it, Elena... Just pull the damn thing out, it hurts. (Elena pulls arrow out of his back) Ah. Whoo... (shakes it off, turns to leave) That bitch is dead.
Elena: (blocking him) Ah, you’re not going to kill her.
Damon: Watch me.
Elena: You touch her and I swear I will never speak to you again.
Damon: What makes you think that has any power over me? Cause I took an arrow in the back for you? You are severely over-estimating yourself.
Elena: Right, I forgot that I was speaking to a psychotic mind who snaps and kills people impulsively. Fine. Go ahead. Do whatever you want.
Damon: You’re trying to manipulate me...
Elena: If by "manipulate" you mean tell the truth, then okay. Guilty.

Caroline: So you're saying that, now, I'm basically an insecure, neurotic, control freak on crack.
Stefan: Well, I wasn't going to say it like that, but...

Elena: Here take this.
Vanessa: Does vervain really work?
Damon: (from the other room) Nope. Not at all.
Vanessa: Can he hear us?
Damon: (whispering) Nooo, that would be creepy...
Vanessa: Can he read minds, too?
Damon: You know, if you wanna see me naked all you have to do is ask.
Elena: No. That he can't do. But he is very capable of being a first-rate jackass.

Caroline: Why are you looking at him with your serious vampire look?
Stefan: My wha-...my "serious vampire look"?
Caroline: Mm-hmm. I mean, it's different from your worried vampire look, neither of which stray too far from your 'hey, it's Tuesday' look.
Stefan: Oh, I get it. Okay. You think I'm, ah, you think I'm too serious. That it?
Caroline: I mean, I wasn't gonna say it like that, but...

Elena: I need to know the truth. When you broke Jeremy’s neck, did you know that he was wearing the ring?
Damon: ...No. No, I didn't. Katherine really pissed me off and I snapped, and...I got lucky with the ring. I don’t know what I would done of he wasn't wearing it. Elena, I’m sorry
Elena: Thank you for being honest with me. And the answer to your question, about our friendship, is yes. You have lost me forever.
Damon: You knew that already, didn't you? You used me today.
Elena: You had information about Katherine that I needed to know.
Damon: I thought "friends don’t manipulate friends." (pauses) You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks.

Memory Lane [2.04][edit]

Katherine: Don't fight it, Stefan. You loved me once. You can love me again. I love you, Stefan.

Katherine: Are we really going to do this again? We both know I could rip you to shreds and do my nails at the same time.
Stefan: What do you want?
Katherine: I wanted to see you. I've missed you, Stefan. Indulge me for a little while, please?
Stefan: Why are you back in town?
Katherine: Three reasons: you, you, and... you.
Stefan: See, I can't quite get that down. It just kind of...gets stuck in my throat.
Katherine: You know, it's the truth. Deep down inside that gorgeous body of yours is the Stefan that fell in love with me, too.

Elena: What do you want?
Damon: So this is where you spend your time when you're not stabbing people in the back.
Elena: I tricked you into telling me the truth. That's not stabbing you in the back. That's using your own tactics against you. (gets up to leave)
Damon: Where are you going?
Elena: I made myself clear, Damon. I want nothing to do with you.

Stefan: What do you know about werewolves?
Katherine: I know not to pet one.

Katherine: Why did you keep this picture? Why not burn it? Tear it up? You wanna know why I came back? Well, I have a better question. Why did you? Elena? No. You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn't you Stefan?

Jenna: I've no secrets. Only dirty shame.

Mason: We haven't met. Mason Lockwood.
Damon: Oh, sure, hey. Damon Salvatore.
Mason: I know. I've heard great things about you.
Damon: Really? That's weird. 'Cause I'm a dick.

(in 1864)
Stefan: I know we've only known each other for a short while. And I know I'm in competition for your affections. But... I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at you and I see an angel. I touch your skin... and my entire body ignites. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love. (kisses her) I am in love with you.
Katherine: There's just so much you don't know about me, Stefan.
Stefan: More to learn and love.
Katherine: I must say goodnight.

(present-time)
Katherine: Go ahead, Stefan. Torture me, keep me captive, drain me of blood until my body turns to dust. It'll never change the truth.
I never compelled your love; it was real. And so was mine.
Stefan: It wasn't real. I remember you compelling me.
Katherine: Only after I showed you who I really was. You were so scared of me. I had to take away your fear.
Stefan: Well, whatever feelings I had back then...they've all turned to hate.
Katherine: Love, hate. Such a fine line. I can wait.

(playing Pictionary, Damon is drawing)
Jenna: Dress. Ballerina.
Caroline: Puppy! Puppy...puppy with a tutu?
Damon: No...
Jenna: Dog. Hound. Hound dog. You ain't nothing but a hound dog!
Mason: Dances with Wolves.
Damon: (stops drawing) Mason wins again.
Jenna: How is that a wolf?

Stefan: You knew that they were going to burn the vampires in the church?
Katherine: I practically lit the match back there.
Stefan: They were your friends. They were your family. You just sold them out?
Katherine: Without blinking.
Stefan: So you sent 26 of your friends to their death just to fake your own? No. You were running from something. What was it?
Katherine: Everyone has a past, Stefan. Mine needed to stay far, far away. But thanks to you, my plan nearly failed before it even began.
Once George told me that the roundup was imminent, I made sure I could see you one last time. But your father used your love for me against you. He poisoned your blood. We didn't have long. Then Damon, being Damon, nearly ruined everything.
Stefan: We came for you. We tried to save you.
Katherine: I didn't want to be saved.
Stefan: Then Damon and I died for nothing. For nothing!
Katherine: No, Stefan! You died for love!

Mason: Alaric, catch that game next week?
Alaric: Yeah. Looking forward to it.
Damon: Hey you know, I should probably head out, too. (to Jenna) Jenna, you are a wonderful hostess.
Jenna: And you are a terrible artist.
Damon: Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?
Jenna: Still deciding.
Damon: Good enough for me. (to Alaric) Alaric...let's not catch that game next week.

Mason (to Damon, after being stabbed by him) Now you made an enemy.

Stefan: So you going to tell me why you came back here? Or we're you just playing another game?
Katherine: Have you not heard a word that I've said? I've answered that question five times over, now.
Stefan: All right. Good. Make it six.
Katherine: I want what I want, Stefan. And I don't care what I have to do to get it. My list of victims is a long one, and I have no problem adding one more name to that list.
Stefan: Come on, Katherine. If you wanted Elena dead, you would have done it by now.
Katherine: I still can. If I have to, I will snap her neck like a twig. And you know it.
(pause)
I don't want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don't remove her from your life, I will kill everyone that she loves in her life while she watches,and then I will kill her while you watch.
(...)
I've missed you, Stefan. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you.

Tyler: Tell me how the curse is triggered.
Mason: If I tell you, you won't be able to think about anything else. I don't want that for you.
Tyler: I think I can handle knowing.
Mason: Yeah. You think you can handle it, tough guy? You have no idea!
Tyler: Do you want your stupid rock or not?!
Mason: Tell me where it is.
Tyler: Tell me what triggers the curse!
Mason: You have to kill somebody! Human blood! You take a person's life away from them, then the curse is yours forever. Can you handle that?

Elena: You're not actually saying that we should do what she says.
Stefan: Listen, she's sadistic. She threatened you. She threatened everyone.
Elena: Yeah. No. I get it, okay? She's dangerous. But every day that we're together it's dangerous. Why are you giving her so much power over our relationship?
Stefan: This the reality of our situation.
Elena: Reality sucks. This is what she wants, Stefan. She wants us to fight. She wants to get between us!
Stefan: She already has, Elena.

Katherine: Bad day?
Damon: Bad century. I heard you were on the loose.
Katherine: What's the matter? Jealous 'cause I spent the day with Stefan?
Damon: I don't do jealous. Not with you. Not anymore.
Katherine: Don't try to be the hero, Damon. You'll end up dead.
Damon: Been there, done that. At least this time it will have been worth it.

Katherine: I love you Stefan. We will be together again - I promise.

Kill or Be Killed [2.05][edit]

Elena: I hate fighting with you, even when it's fake.

Caroline: You're gonna pretend to be a mother?
Sherriff Forbes: I'll bring my gun if it gets rough.

Damon: Man, I don't want peace!
Stefan: Consider it opposite day.

Jeremy: (to Tyler) I know what you're doing.

Tyler: Answer me! Why ... why wolf pictures?
Jeremy: Because... because I know.
Tyler: You know what? You know what, Jeremy?!
Jeremy: I know what you are.

Caroline: I can take you.
Mason: Wanna bet?
Caroline: Yeah. I do.

Sheriff Forbes: This is how it’s going to work. Answer me and you don't get shot. Understand? (pauses) How many of you are there?
Damon: Liz, please...
Sheriff Forbes: How did you fool us? How do you walk in the sun? (shoots Stefan, who is still unconscious) I will drag this out painfully.
Damon: But you’re my friend.
Sheriff Forbes: Our friendship was a lie.

Caroline: (after killing two police officers) Hi, mom.

Jeremy: Why didn't you give it to him?
Tyler: Because he wants it. I'm a dick that way.

Sheriff Forbes: My daughter is gone.
Damon: You have no idea how wrong you are about that.

Elena: What are you doing?
Stefan: Katherine took a little vervain everyday and built up a tolerance to it; I could do the same with blood. I could learn to control myself on it.
Elena: But you can't. Stefan you don't have to.
Stefan: I almost died last night Elena, because I was too weak.
Elena: But the last time you drank human blood...
Stefan: I told you I’d find a way to stop Katherine, didn't I? Well this is it. This is the only way because she’s stronger than me, and unless that changes, I can't protect you.
Elena: Can we talk about this later? (points to indicate that Damon can hear them)
Stefan: He can hear us wherever we are because he drinks this! This is the only thing that can help me.
Elena: Are you serious or are you pretending to fight, because I can't tell if…
Stefan: No, this is real. No more pretend.
(Elena leaves angrily)

Elena: Caroline’s sleeping on the couch.
Damon: I heard. And you?
Elena: I'm going home. (stops at the door) What you did for Caroline’s mom, that’s the Damon who was my friend. (starts to leave)
Damon: Hey - Stefan didn't drink the people blood. If you were curious. But he needs too. And deep down, you know that.

Stefan: You can come in.
Elena: Do you really think you can control it?
Stefan: I dunno. But if I don't try…
Elena: So a little bit everyday?
Stefan: Yeah. Just a few drops of blood in my system, I think it’s worth trying.
Elena: So do I. But I just don't want you to do it alone. (pricks her finger)
Stefan: What are you doing?
Elena: It's you and me, Stefan. Always.

Plan B [2.06][edit]

Stefan: (eyes closed) You're staring...
Elena: I'm gazing.
Stefan: It's creepy. (opens his eyes and looks at Elena)
Elena: It's romantic.

Jeremy: I need to talk to you.
Damon: And why do I need to talk to you? (tries to shut the door)
Jeremy: (trying to convince Damon) Tyler has to kill someone to activate his curse. He's not a werewolf yet.
Damon: Wow, fascinating. Not enough. (tries to shut the door again)

Damon: Wow. Your search for life’s purpose is as obvious as it is tragic.

Damon: If we start believing in supernatural witchy-woo from picture book, we’re idiots. Where is the stone now?
Jeremy: Tyler.
Damon: Can you get it?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Damon: See, now your life has purpose.
Jeremy: So you do believe it?
Damon: This is the same book that says that a werewolf bite kills a vampire. Ignoring it would make me an even bigger idiot.

Damon: Katherine’s with Mason Lockwood?
Stefan: We missed it. He got into town right after she did. It makes perfect sense.
Damon: I know, but Mason Lockwood? Werewolf thing aside, the guy’s a surfer. She’s gotta be using him. She has to be.
Stefan: Using him for what?
Damon: Mason Lockwood’s looking for a moon stone that allegedly can break the full moon werewolf curse. Maybe Katherine wants it as well.
Stefan: Why?
Damon: Well,...no idea. It’s the beauty of Katherine. She’s always up to something.

Matt: She’s this amazing girl one minute and then this raging jealous freak the next.
Tyler: Look, you know what I think of Caroline Forbes. She’s an insecure, neurotic, bitchy little twit.
Matt: Hey!
Tyler: But the girl’s got heart. She means well. Just gotta take the good with the bad sometimes.

Bonnie: What do you want?
Damon: A favor.
Bonnie: Like that’s going to happen.
Damon: So predictable. That’s why I brought him.
Stefan: I know how you feel about helping us out, but since you’re the one that linked Mason with Katherine, we finally have an opportunity to get an upper hand on both of them, so just hear us out.
Damon: Pretty please.
Bonnie: I’m listening.
Stefan: (looks at his phone) I have to fill Elena in on what’s going on. (To Damon) Can you play nice, please?
Damon: I guess.

Damon: Let’s talk about that little witchy ju-ju thing you do with me. You know, the fun one where my brain bursts into flames? What is that?
Bonnie: That’s me giving you an aneurysm. Your blood vessels go 'pop'. But you heal quickly, so I do it over and over again.
Damon: Is it vampire-specific?
Bonnie: It’d work on anyone with a supernatural healing ability.
Damon: Good. Good, good.
Bonnie: Damon. I’m not going to help you hurt him.
Damon: Mason Lockwood’s a werewolf. Katherine’s evil. They’re the bad guys. Really? You’re going to play morality police with me right now? Let me put it to you another way: they’re a threat to Elena. So you, witch, are going to get over yourself and help us.
Stefan: Yeah, he meant that as a question with a “please” on the end.
Damon: Absolutely.

Damon: Here, grab that corner.
Bonnie: Why? What are we doing?
Damon: I don't wanna stain the carpet.
Bonnie: I knew you were going to say something like that.
Damon: You're judging again.

Damon: (burns Mason with a hot iron) You can hurt. Good to know. I was afraid you were gonna be some beast master with no affinity for pain. (seeing Mason's wound healing) Oh, but you heal quickly. Not good. Guess I’ll just have to keep applying pain.

Damon: So where did you two meet? She seduced you, told you she loved you? You're supernatural so she can't compel you. I'm sure she used her other charms. Katherine's good that way.

Damon: What do you want with the moonstone?
Mason: Screw you.
Damon: ERRRRRR! Wrong Answer!

Mason: I'm getting it for Katherine.
Damon: Why?
Mason: She's going to use it to lift the curse.
Damon: Of the moon? Now, why would a vampire help a werewolf break a curse that keeps them from turning whenever they want?
Mason: So I wouldn't have to turn anymore.
Damon: Why?
Mason: Because she loves me.
Damon: Awww. (laughs) Now I get it. You're just stupid. Katherine doesn't love you. She's using you, you moron.
Mason: I'm done talking.
Damon: Yes you are.

Jeremy: Damon...
Damon: You wanted to be a part of this? Well, here it is. Kill or be killed. The guy’s a werewolf - he’d kill me the first chance he got. So you suck it up, or leave. He wants me to kill him, anyway. Don’t you, Mason? It really is a curse, isn’t it? You know, I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version.
Mason: I love her.
Damon: Oh, I know! I’ve been where you are. But Katherine will only rip your heart out. Let me do it for her.

Damon: All this for that?
Stefan: Yup. I see you've exercised your usual restraint.
Damon: Had to be done.

Stefan: Let's get rid of the body.
Damon: Ooo, last number dialed. I wonder who that could possibly be..
Stefan: No, no, no. Don't provoke her.

Katherine: Mason. You should have been here an hour ago.
Damon: Wrong boy-toy.
Katherine: Damon. For once, you’ve surprised me. I assume Mason’s with you.
Damon: He’s right beside me. Although his heart’s across the room.
Katherine: You shouldn’t have.
Damon: I’ve had a very busy day today. Killed a werewolf, found a moonstone. Hey, did you know that he hid the moonstone at the bottom of a well full of vervain? Guess he didn’t trust you very much. He did love you, poor guy. Hey, where are you? ’Cause, you know, I could bring him over. Last good-byes and all that.
Katherine: You've no idea what you’ve just done.
Damon: Aww, did I put a kink in your master plan? I’m so sorry.
Katherine: Do you honestly believe that I don’t have a plan B? And if that fails, a plan C, and then a plan D, and... you know how the alphabet works, don’t you? Send my love to Stefan.

Stefan: I'm so sorry.
Elena: We were so stupid. Sneaking around, thinking that we weren't going to get caught.
Stefan: I know.
Elena: We did this... Jenna's in the hospital, and Jeremy could be next. All because we didn't listen to her. Because we're together. Stefan...
Stefan: I know what you’re going to say.
Elena: Then let me say it. I’ve been so selfish because I love you so much. And I know how much you love me. But it’s over, Stefan, it has to be.
Stefan: Elena, I don’t-
Elena: No, Stefan. It has to be.

Damon: Elena... I riled Katherine up. I...I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think.
Elena: It doesn’t matter, Damon. She won. Katherine won.

Masquerade [2.07][edit]

Katherine: I need you to deliver a message. Tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone or I will rip this town apart until it rains blood. Tonight. At the masquerade ball.

Stefan: We can't underestimate her. We have to play this smarter than her.
Caroline: Can't we just give her the moonstone so she'll leave?
Damon: No. Katherine's not getting dick. I've had it. I'm going to go to the masquerade ball and I'm going to kill her tonight.
Stefan: You're not gonna kill her.
Damon: Don't give me that goody-goody crap.
Stefan: You're not going to kill her...
Damon: Oh, really?
Stefan: ...because I am.

Lucy: What's with the hair?
Katherine: I'm impersonating my dull as dishwater doppelganger, Elena. She has the worst taste.
Lucy: Except in men.

Bonnie: What's going on?
Jeremy: We're gonna kill Katherine.
Stefan: I can explain.
Bonnie: Please.
Stefan: ...We're gonna kill Katherine.

Stefan: All right. If anybody wants to back out, I'll understand.
Damon: Yeah, cold feet speak now. I don't want this going wrong because someone chickens out. Caroline?
Caroline: I won't. She killed me, fair is fair.

Matt: Elena?
Katherine: (as Elena) Matt? You look dashing.
Matt: I thought you said you aren't coming.
Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I'd love to just...

Katherine (to Matt): God, you're hot. Now go away.

Stefan: Are you sure you can do this?
Damon: Who are you talking to?
Stefan: I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated.
Damon: Well, that is the fork in the road between me and you, my friend. I don't hesitate.

Katherine: Dance with me.
Stefan: No.
Katherine: Fine. You tell me who I should kill. Him? She looks delicious.

Jeremy: So, can you like do a hocus-pocus to ace a test?
Bonnie: I don't know that spell.
Jeremy: That'd be like the first one I'd learn.

Stefan: Hello, Katherine.
Caroline: Goodbye, Katherine.

Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong. And something tells me that my witch is better than your witch.

Katherine: The three of us together, just like old times. The brother that loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough.
Damon: And the evil slut vampire that only loved herself.
Katherine: What happened to you, Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite.
Damon: Oh, that Damon died long time ago.
Katherine: Good. He was a bore.

Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf. You should have kept him on a tighter leash.

Katherine: I'll have one of those.
Damon: (in a mocking tone) Right away, Miss Katherine.

Katherine: Good for you, Stefan, 2+2..And it would have worked, except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb. Thanks to you. (turning to Damon) By the way, have I mentioned how inconvenient your obsession with me has been?
Damon: You and me both, honey.

Damon: Hello Katherine.
Katherine: Where am I?
Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now about messing with a Bennett witch.
Katherine: You should have killed me.
Damon:: Death would have been too kind.
Katherine: No, Damon, don't. Damon, don't. You need me. Elena's in danger.
Damon: From who? (pause, no response) You're lying, you're always lying.
Katherine: Why do you think I haven't killed her? She's the doppelganger. She needs to be protected.
Damon: Then I'll protect her - while you rot in hell.

Rose [2.08][edit]

Damon: Oh, teens today and their underage drinking. Tragic.

Caroline: That werewolf road leads straight to vampire boulevard! I thought I was thinking fast on my feet.

Damon: If you want to drop the hint to your mom that Aimee's body is at the bottom of a ravine with a cracked spine, might save your mom some time.

Rose: I know who you are. I said be quiet.
Elena: What do you want?
Rose: (slaps her) I want you to be quiet, Elena.

Stefan: This has Katherine written all over it.
Damon: Katherine's in the tomb. Trust me. I'm the one that shut her in.
Stefan: Did you?
Damon: Did I what, Stefan?
Stefan: Well I know the hold Katherine has on you.
Damon: She's in the tomb. Period. End of story.
Stefan: We have to talk to her.
Damon: No, no. Let me tell you how that's gonna go. We're gonna go ask for her help, she's gonna negotiate her release, which we're gonna be dumb enough to give her and then she's gonna get out and kill us. That's exactly what she wants.
Stefan: I don't really care.
Damon: It's a bad idea, Stefan.
Stefan: It's Elena.

Jeremy: You can't just do this alone!
Damon: He's not. Let's go.
Stefan: You're coming?
Damon: It's Elena.

Damon: Can we not do the whole road trip bonding thing? The cliché of it all makes me itch.

Damon: The elephant in the room lets out a mighty roar.
Stefan: Well, it doesn't have to be an elephant. Let's talk about it.
Damon: There's nothing to talk about.
Stefan: That's not true, sure there is. Let's get it out. I mean, are you in this car because you want to help your little brother save the girl that he loves or is it-- is it because you love her, too?
Damon: Keep it up, Stefan. I can step out of helping as easily as I stepped in.
Stefan: Nope. See, that's the beauty of it. You can't.

Jeremy: When I'm worn down, I take a nap. You were unconscious.

Damon: Elena know you've been drinking blood?
Stefan: I've been drinking hers.
Damon: Hmm. How romantic.

Damon: Since we’re road trip bonding, remember the days when all you lived for was blood? You were the guy who’d rip someone apart for the fun of it.
Stefan: You mean when I was more like you?
Damon: Yes, Stefan. Exactly! Back when you put blood into me so I could be a big, bad vampire. I wonder if Elena would be so quick to open her veins to that guy. By the way, what happened to that guy? He was a hoot.

Stefan: (on saving Elena) I can't think of a better reason to die.

Elijah: Excuse me. To whom it may concern; you're making a big mistake if you think that you can beat me. You can't. You hear that? I repeat: you cannot beat me. So I want the girl, on the count of three, or heads will roll. Are we clear on this now?

Stefan: I'm sorry.
Damon: About what?
Stefan: For being the guy that made you turn 145 years ago.
Damon: Enough, Stef. It's late. No need to rehash that.
Stefan: Well, you know what, I've never said it out loud. I guess I just need to say it and you need to hear it. I'm sorry. What I did was selfish. I didn't wanna be alone. Guess I just needed my brother.

Damon: I just...have to say something.
Elena: Why do you have to say it with my necklace?
Damon: Because what I’m about to say is...probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever said in my life.
Elena: Damon, don’t go there...
Damon: I just have to say it once - you just need to hear it. (deep breath) I love you, Elena. And it’s because I love you that...I can’t be selfish with you. And why you can't do this. I don’t deserve you. But my brother does. (kisses her forehead; pulls back to look at her face) God, I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do.

Katerina [2.09][edit]

Elena: Okay, so you're saying is the oldest vampire in the history of time is coming after me?
Rose: Yes.
Stefan: No.
Damon: What they are saying is, I mean if what she's saying is true..
Rose: Which it is.
Damon: ...and you're not just saying it so we don't kill you...
Rose: Which I'm not.
Damon: ...we're looking at a solid...maybe.

Damon: She's in denial.
Stefan: Shut up, Damon.

Rose: Being in love with your brother's girlfriend must be difficult.
Damon: I'm not in love with anyone.
Rose: Wanna try that again?

Caroline: I'm a terrible liar... I'm even worse at duplicity.

Elena (to Katherine): It must be painful to desiccate and mummify. I can't even imagine.

Katherine: My family, your true ancestors, they disowned me. My indiscretions were not tolerated at that time. I had a baby out of wedlock. Shame.

Damon: If you're setting me up in any way, I will rip your heart out and shove it down your throat. Something I'm very good at.

Katherine: Living out of a suitcase is better than dying so you can have you blood spilled over a silly little rock.

Katherine (to Elena): I will always look out for myself. If you're smart, you'll do the same.

Katherine: Witches and their spells. So many people to sacrifice. Have you noticed that Elena always kisses you? Lets just say I have been brushing up on my acting skills.

Katherine: I'll be the safest psychotic bitch in town.

The Sacrifice [2.10][edit]

Alaric (to Elena and Jenna): Well, I'm naked. So... I'm just gonna go.

Damon: Did his eyes turn yellow?
Caroline: More like...gold with amber highlights.
Damon: Ugh.

Katherine: Please. Come in. There's plenty of room for all of us.
Damon: I'd rather poke my eyes out.
Katherine: Mmm, they're such pretty eyes.

Elena: Sound like you guys already have it all planned out.
Damon: Yup, we're awesome!

Damon: It's a plan. Is it perfect? What plan is?

Damon (to Jeremy): Gee, thanks, you 16-year-old...child. Why didn't we think of that?

Bonnie: I'll be fine.
Jeremy: You could get hurt.
Bonnie: And Elena could die.

Rose: (referring to Alice) You know that she isn't going anywhere near my blood, right?
Elena: I know. She doesn't.

Alice: "Kristen Stewart." God, was he obvious.

Damon: What are you doing here?
Elena: What are you doing here?!(to Rose)You called him?
Rose:I'm sorry , Elena.
ElenaYou said that you understood.
Damon:She lied.

Damon:Come on we're leaving.
Elena:No.
Damon:I said we're leaving.
Elena:I'm not going with you.
Damon:You did not get to make decisions anymore.
Elena:What if I ever made a decision.You and Stefan do that for me.Now this.This is my decision.
Damon: Who's gonna save your life while you're out "making decisions"?
Elena: You're not listening to me, Damon, I do not want to be saved. Not if it means Klaus is going to kill every person I love.
Damon: ...Get your ass out the door before I throw you over my shoulder and carry you out myself.
Elena:No!
Damon:Don't ever do that again.

Caroline: There's a reason it's called a curse, Tyler.

Caroline (to Tyler): I don't want you to be alone.

Damon: Time to go. Alice is soundly sleeping and won't remember a moment of this horribly stupid day.
Cody: (bursts through the door) We're here to meet the doppelganger.
Elena: Thank you for coming. (begins to step forward)
Damon: (grabs her wrist) I will break...your...arm.

Damon: I killed you! You were dead!
Elijah: For centuries now.

Elijah: However, I did have a little run-in with one of the brothers that killed me.
Jonas Martin: I assume he didn't live to tell about it.
Elijah: Actually, I spared him. (pauses) He'd die before he let anything happen to her; they both would.

Jeremy: I don't need an escort to my room.
Bonnie: I don't know - between here and upstairs, there's still time for you do something stupid!

Damon: If I had a dollar for every time some evil vampire surprised me.

Elena (to Damon): I don't question why you, and Stefan, and everyone else tries so hard to save me. You shouldn't question why I would try so hard to save all of you.

Damon: (pins Elena against the wall) Don't you dare.
Elena: Stefan's in there, Damon. How could you let this happen?!
Damon: What are you talking about? I was too busy saving you from your crazy Kamikaze mission!
Elena: You didn't even have to go after the moonstone in the first place.
Damon: It was the right call, Elena!
Elena: "Right call"?! How is any of this the right call?! (shoves against him) Damon, let go of me! (struggles harder) Damon - LET GO OF ME! Let go of me! (hits him) Let go of me. Please...
Damon: You done?

Damon: Of all the idiot plans, Stefan... I'll find a way to get you out.
Stefan: Ah, it's alright, I'll...I'll handle myself. Bonnie has the moonstone. Work with her; try to figure out how to de-spell it.
Damon: You martyr yourself into a tomb and I get partnered with a semi-competent witch. Wonderful!
Stefan: Keep Elena away from here.
Damon: (scoffs) Yeah, 'cause that'll be easy.

Stefan: Promise me, no matter what happens, you'll protect her.
Damon: Promise.

Katherine: That, right there, was the biggest mistake you've ever made.

By The Light of The Moon [2.11][edit]


Bonnie: We're not gonna let you get used in some creepy sacrifice ritual.

Stefan: You trapped her in the house?
Damon: It's for the best, trust me. Elena's on a martyr tear that rivals your greatest hits.

Damon: You should really lock your door. (Elena sulks) Oh come on, pouty. At least give me two points for ingenuity.
Elena: Do you think this is funny?
Damon: Yes, Elena. I find hilarity in the lengths that I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.
Elena: What does Stefan say about this?
Damon: We had a good laugh.

Damon: Well, "A", he can't do anything about it, and "B"...what I just said.

Elena: Hold on a second - tonight's the full moon?
Damon: Yep. But you're too absorbed with all your suicidal tendencies to notice.

Damon(to Elena): Hey, you know, you should get out - enjoy the sun. (whispers) Oh, wait - you can't.

Alaric: Where is Mason, anyway?
Damon: Decomposing in his truck.

Stefan (to Katherine): The pleasure I'll get of watching you suffer is greater than any pain I'll ever feel.

Elena: You're trying to use me. To draw him out.
Elijah: Well, to do that, I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed.

Elijah: Do nothing. Do nothing, live your life; stop fighting. And then, when the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that your friends remain unharmed.
Elena: And then what?
Elijah: Then I kill him.
Elena: Just like that?
Elijah: Just like that.

Elijah: I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal.

Jules (to Damon): Are you threatening me? (scoffs) On a full moon. How stupid are you?

Damon: You think I'm afraid of you?
Jules: No, I don't. That's your vampire arrogance - you should be. I sniffed you out the moment you entered this bar, along with your pathetic wolfsbane. See, I've been at this a long time, and any other night of the month, the situation would be reversed. But tonight? Is not the night to pick a fight with me. You've been marked.

Damon: Where is she?
Alaric: Just let it go, Damon. Don't be stupid.
Damon: What, I'm supposed to let her just get away? I've been "marked"... What the hell kind of wolf...pronoun...crap is that, anyway?
Alaric: Damon, look up. Just look up! (points to the full moon) If this werewolf stuff is true, one bite, and you're dead. One bite, alright? Don't risk it.

Rose: I'm sorry about Elena. I wasn't thinking straight - I didn't know that she had a death wish.

Katherine: Are we seriously not going to talk at all?
Stefan: Well, we could talk about how you regret all you've done to make my life miserable...

Katherine: Yes, I've done terrible things. I know that. But I do love you, Stefan. Even if you don't believe it.

Elijah: Good evening, Katerina. Thank you for having the good sense to be frightened. (to Stefan) Your release has been requested.
Stefan: What? By who?
Elijah: The lovely Elena drives a hard bargain. However, we reached a peaceful agreement, she and I. Please, come.
Stefan: I can't.
Elijah: Yes, you can. I've had the spell lifted.
(Stefan exits the tomb. Katherine tries to escape but Elijah stops her).
Elijah: As for you, however... You shall not exit until I say so. When Klaus comes he'll want to know exactly where you are. (to Stefan) You're free to go. Elena will explain the arrangement to you. If she keeps her word, I'll keep mine.

Damon: I've been dead before. I got over it.

Rose:So, I'm gonna help you.
Damon: Help me do what?
Rose: Save Elena. Protect Elena. All things Elena.

Damon: You sure you can do that?
Rose: I don't love men that love other women. I think more of myself than that.

Rose: It doesn't mean I can't be a special friend.
Damon: I think I like you.

The Descent [2.12][edit]


Elena: Don't ruin the moment. You're about to ruin the moment, aren't you?
Stefan: I'm totally ruining the moment.

Stefan: He's an Original. I don't really know what that means.

Damon: If you're gonna be maudlin, I'm gonna kill you myself. Just to put me out of your misery.

Damon (to Elena , about Rose): Death happens. We come, we go. The sooner she dies, the better. It's gloomy as hell in here.

Rose: I'm a vampire. I haven't had a cold in five centuries.

Rose: What do you call this whole deal with Elijah?
Elena: I call it my best option.
Rose: It's the easiest option.

Rose (to Elena): You really are determined to die, aren't you? At least I ran. You're not even trying.

Stefan: There's a lot of people here...
Damon: Oh. Damn. There goes my plan to rip her spleen through her back.

Damon: Why does everybody think I'm upset about Rose? I'm fine! I don't know if you know this - sometimes vampires die.

Jules (to Damon): Well. If it isn't the one I meant to kill.

Jules: Bite me. (Damon grabs her) I'm not afraid of you...
Damon: Then you are very, very stupid.
Jules: How's your friend? Rose - is that her name? Have the chills started? The unbearable pain?
Damon: If there's a cure, tell me. Or start watching your back.
Jules: Did I mention the dementia? It'll eat away at her brain; soon she'll be rabid...

Jules: You want a cure? I'll tell you the only cure that exists. Take a stake and drive it through her heart.

Matt (to Caroline): What are you keeping from me? If you love me, you'll tell me. What is it?

Caroline (to Tyler, after he kissed her): Everybody just...needs to stop kissing me!

Damon: You went on a murderous rampage. It happens.

Rose: I miss being human.
Damon: Humanity's not all it's cracked up to be.

Elena: There you go, pretending to turn it off; pretending not to feel. Damon, you're so close, don't give up!
Damon: I feel, Elena! And it sucks.

Jules: This town is crawling with vampires. But don't worry, we'll get them.
Tyler: Who are you?
Jules: I'm your friend. There are others like us, and they're on their way.

Damon: I'm...lost.
Jessica: And you're laying in the middle of the road?
Damon: Not that kind of lost. Metaphorically...existentially...
Jessica: Do you need help?
Damon: Well, yes, I do. Can you help me?

Damon: Don't move.
Jessica: I don't want any trouble!
Damon: Neither do I! But it's all I got, is trouble.
Jessica: ...Why can't I move?
Damon: What's your name?
Jessica: Jessica.
Damon: Hi, Jessica. I have a secret. I have a big one. And I never said it out loud! I mean, what’s the point? It’s not gonna change anything, it’s not gonna make me good; make me an adopt a puppy... (pause) I can’t be what other people want me to be; what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica.
Jessica: Are you gonna hurt me?
Damon: I'm not sure. Because you...are my existential crisis. Do I kill you? Or do I not kill you?
Jessica: (sobbing) Please don't.
Damon: But I have to, Jessica. Because I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world! That is my secret.

Daddy Issues [2.13][edit]

Elena: What are you doing here?
John: Coffee?
Elena: We did that last night. No more avoiding.

Jenna: What the hell?
John: Good morning to you, Jenna. Alaric.

Stefan: I went to go look for Isobel, and I get John instead. He said he can help us, and we're desperate.
Damon: We're not that desperate, Stefan. The guy tried to barbecue me!

Damon: Great work, Stefan. Top notch. As if I didn't have enough problems.
Stefan: Hey. I'm sorry about Rose.
Damon: Whatever. I knew the woman for five minutes.
Stefan: And you cared about her, after five minutes. I wonder what that means?
Damon: (scoffs) It means I care, Stefan. It means I'm changing - evolving into a man capable of greatness...

Damon (to Stefan): Better watch your back. Because I may just have to go get a hero hairdo of my own, and steal your thunder.

Jules (to Tyler): We live by a code of loyalty. We take care of each other. It's my duty and honor to help you. Please let me.

Damon: I'm not gonna hurt him, Elena. I'm a good guy now, remember?

Jules: I want the boy more than I want vengeance.
Brady: Let's get both.

Bonnie: Spare me the witch loyalty crap.

Jenna (to Alaric): So Elena is my sister's husband's brother's daughter, and her mother is my boyfriend's deceased wife. You can't make that stuff up.

Elena: Please don't do anything stupid.
Damon: Yeah, but stupid's so much more fun!
Elena: Damon, I mean it! All I'm asking is that you try to keep it together. Be the better man.
Damon: ...Okay, then.

Tyler: I thought vampires hated werewolves.
Stefan: That's some sort of leftover idea from another time; it doesn't have to be that way anymore. We go to the same school, have the same friends, we keep the same secrets. This can work, Tyler. I mean, it's your home, it's my home, too. I want this to work.

Stefan: Dammit, Tyler, I'm trying to save your life. Can't you see that?

John: You guys are drinking vervain?
Damon: It's an acquired taste. I don't see that magical ring on your stitched finger, so if you know something about Klaus, you better start talking, or I will kill you in your sleep.

Brady: I see you got the bullet out. That was...nasty. I've got lots of wooden bullets; other toys. It's gonna be a long night, sweet pea.

Elena: You totally blew her off.
Damon: I'm steering clear of all women at the moment.
Elena: You didn't have to be rude.
Damon: Trust me, it's in the best interest of women everywhere.

Damon: He's a werewolf. He needs to die, I'm willing kill him, it's a win-win!
Elena: Damon, please. Okay? Too many people are dead.
Damon: You need to stop doing that.
Elena: Doing what?
Damon: Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking.

Damon: Do you mind?
John: What's going on?
Elena: Nothing.
John: It doesn't look like nothing.
Damon: Well, guess what, John? Trust works both ways. Get out.

Caroline: Why are you doing this to me?
Brady: You're a vampire. Why not?

Elena (to John): You may be my father, but I am never gonna be your daughter.

Damon (to Jules and Brady): Since Stefan got here earlier, I'll let him try it his way before I try it my way...which is a little bloodier.

Tyler: I didn't know what to do.
Caroline: You help your friend. That's what you do.

Tyler: I'm sorry.
Caroline: No. It's too late, because we are not friends anymore, and what happened to me tonight? That will never happen again. So you take that back to your little werewolf pack and you get the hell out of my house.

Elena (to Caroline): We're gonna slumber it.

Andie: What do you want, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?
Damon: I'm not that tall.

Andie: Why do you kill people?
Damon: Because I like it. It's in my nature. It's who I am. But then I have to stay together here, to protect her, and she wants me to be a better man, which means I can't be who I am. Do you see the problem I am having, Andie?
Andie: Or maybe this is who you are now. Love does that, Damon. It changes us.
Damon: (sighs) Just stop talking.

Crying Wolf [2.14][edit]

Brady (to Tyler): They're the enemy. And if they break that curse, all of us are as good as dead.

Jeremy: What kind of witch roofie was that?
Bonnie: A strong one.

Damon: My new girlfriend - Andie Star, Action News.
Alaric: It's not called action news.
Damon: I know. I just like saying it.

Alaric (about Andie): Just don't kill her, please.
Damon: If I did, who would report her death?

Alaric: That Elijah is one scary dude - but with nice hair.

Elijah: I'm an Original. Show a little respect.

Alaric (to John): You're a dick.

Stefan: How was the slumber party?
Elena: Fine. Good. Well-needed. When can me and you have one?

Stefan: This is a future memory: it's where your boyfriend whispered to you that he loved you.

Stefan: I think there are a lot of conversations to be had about our future. About the kind of life we can have together.

Elena: Stefan Salvatore, I hereby invite you into this home.

Tyler: The Doppleganger?
Stevie: Evil twin shadow person.

Damon: My new girlfriend. Andie Starr. Action News.
Alaric: It's not called "Action News."
Damon: I know. I like just saying it.

Tyler: I kinda fell for her. I don't know how anyone wouldn't because she's pretty incredible.

Jeremy: So, Luka remember anything?
Bonnie: No, he just lost consciousness, that's all.
Jeremy: Should we, uh, wait for Caroline?
Bonnie: She was just gonna drop Luka off at the Grill, said to lock the door on our way out.
Jeremy: Yeah, well I hope she drops him hard.
Bonnie: Wait. You're Elena's little brother. I've known you forever. You're that punk kid. And remember your awkward phase, and then your emo phase, your druggie phase. And overnight you've turned into this hot guy who's really sweet and-
Jeremy: You think I'm hot?
Bonnie: With everything that's going on, you know, curses and sacrifice-
Jeremy: Enough already.
(They kiss)
Bonnie: Whoa
(They kiss again)

Stefan: You wanna let yourself get killed? That's not heroic. That's tragic.

Stefan: Try not to get yourself killed.
Damon: Yeah. It's been a day for that.

Elijah (to Damon): This is the third time I've saved your life now.

Luka: Elena has to die.

Dinner Party [2.15][edit]

Damon: I get you out of here and your ass is sipping Klaus-free margaritas in some unknown island somewhere, no way.

Jeremy: You did like it, right?
Bonnie: Yeah. I liked it.

Damon: There's no such thing as a bad idea! Only poorly executed awesome ones.

Stefan: Hunt. Prey. Kill. It was all I knew.

Elena: He described you as a monster.
Stefan: That's what I was.

Elijah: I don't really pursue younger women. It's a joke, Ric. Lighten up.

Stefan: Are you actually gonna be careful for once?
Damon: Yes, I've become you. How tragic for both of us. Gotta run. Have a murder to plan. Busy day.

Journal entry: I saw the vampire who killed me. I recognized him. It was Stefan Salvatore.

Elijah: If you so as much make a move to cross me, I'll kill you and kill everyone in this house.

Stefan: Who wants to die next?

Elena: It sounds like you were like Damon.
Stefan: I was worse.

Damon: You sound about jealous. Does he sound about jealous?
Andie: You kind of do.

Damon: You get anything out of Elijah?
Alaric: No, it was boring. Of course, Jenna thinks he's charming.

Damon: Guess who's coming to dinner?

Andie: Whats that?
Damon: Dessert.

Alaric: Now get rid of him before Jenna comes back with dessert.

Damon: So, let me guess... in addition to the moonstone, the doppelganger...the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe...you need to find this witch burial ground?

Katherine: Hello, Damon. Hey, do you have a robe?
Damon: How did you get out of there?
Katherine: I knew that if I begged you not to kill Elijah that's exactly what you'd do. Need a little fact? The Originals can compel other vampires, but, as soon as they die, the compulsion wears off...
Damon: And you knew that
Katherine: Yes, and I'm still here. I'm gonna help you. So, do you have that robe?

The House Guest [2.16][edit]

Elena: What is she doing here?
Damon: When we killed Elijah, it broke the compulsion and freed the bitch from the tomb.

Stefan: What are you doing?!
Damon: Shutting down a crazy-ass psychic witch attack! Get over there and do something about it!

Isobel: Hi, you must be Jenna. I'm Elena's mother.

Caroline: I'm a vampire, Matt.

Damon: Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.

Katherine: You hurt me today.
Damon: Tit for tat.

Alaric (to Jenna): Just know that I love you. At least I can tell you that much.
Jenna: Goodnight, Ric.
Alaric: Goodnight.

Katherine (to Elena): Your pretty little outfit is gonna need a good dry clean.

Bonnie: You didn't have to kill him.
Katherine: Yes we did.

Caroline: Just because I talk a lot doesn't mean I always know what I'm talking about.

Jenna: Not now, Ric. Tonight, I trade you for Senor Tequila.

Elena: How do we tell someone what we know? How does someone hear that?

Katherine (to Damon): I wanted out of the tomb. Doesn't matter the price. Of course I knew you would die.

Elena: It's gonna be a girls' night. Maybe Katherine can join us. (being sarcastic)

Matt: Since when am I the one who can express himself and you the one at a loss for words?

Elena: I don't really need your help and I don't want it.
Katherine: That's incredibly stupid of you,Elena. You know that?

Know Thy Enemy [2.17][edit]

Isobel: sorry for being such a disappointment to you Elena.

Elena: You screw up everything, John. Everything you touch just falls apart. But you’re the only parent I have left. So maybe I can learn not to hate you.

Damon: Great, we’ll have to put that on our list of things to do today. “Harness dead witch power."

Damon: Don't mistake the fact that we haven't set you on fire in your sleep for trust.

Damon: I'll be super pissed if you lock me out.

Stefan:(To Damon) Tell you what,why don't you call Alaric and let him know that his wife just showed up on his girlfriend's doorstep.

The Last Dance [2.18][edit]

Damon: (dancing with Elena) I have moves you've never seen before, girl.

Bonnie: (dancing with Damon) You heard Jeremy and me talking, didn't you?
Damon: Is it true?
Bonnie: Yes.
Damon: The part about you having a 50-50 shot of surviving? Is that true?
Bonnie: He [Jeremy] was upset. I didn't want him to worry.
Damon: So you lay it all out on the line for Elena, no matter what.
Bonnie: No matter what. You can't tell her.
Damon: Your secret's safe with me. But, I mean, with all that power, is there no way to increase your odds?
Bonnie: Careful, Damon. I might start to think you actually care.
Damon: We wouldn't want that

Damon: You see, that's why I didn't tell you. Cause you would have never been able to do it. Don't get me wrong, Stefan. I don't mind being a bad guy. I'll make all the life and death decisions, while you're busy worrying about collateral damage. I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive.

Damon (to Elena): Let me be clear about something, alright? If it comes down to you and the witch again, I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always...choose...you.

Klaus [2.19][edit]

Damon: Wow, I'd love to lend you a hand, but, you know, you wouldn't want me doing anything stupid.
Stefan: You're seriously gonna be like this?
Damon: You and your girlfriend are calling the shots. I'm just... backing off, Stefan.

Elena (to Elijah, about Katherine): You cared about her, didn't you?

Elijah: It's a common mistake, I'm told. And it's one I won't make again.

Elijah: I need some air. I'm still feeling a tad... dead. Come.

Katherine: Where is he going?
Klaus (in Alaric's body): To retrieve me. So I can get out of this bad hair-do.

Elijah:I think the term you're looking for is...OMG.

Elijah:The curse of the sun and the moon is fake.

Damon:Thought you might be dead.
Katherine: Unfortunately not.

(in a flashback)

Katerina: Thank you for entertaining me.
Elijah: Oh, you looked lonely inside, so I took pity on you.
Katerina: Klaus promised to spend the day with me, but he never returned home from the night.
Elijah: Klaus does not live by any rules but his own.
Katerina: He is a very charming man. Hard for any women to resist I suppose.
Elijah: And yet...
Katerina: I know not why he called me. He seems to not care about me at all.
Elijah: Many a union has been built on much less.
Katerina: Is it wrong to want more?
Elijah: Do you have more with Trevor?
Katerina: Trevor believes that he loves me but...true love is not real unless it is returned. Do you agree?
Elijah: I do not believe in love, Katerina.
Katerina: That is too sad for me to accept, my lord. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?

Damon: You should be thankful she’s here. She’s keeping me from going for what I really want.
Stefan: You’re right. Thank you for being in love with my girlfriend.

The Last Day [2.20][edit]

Damon: What if it doesn't work, Elena?
Elena: Then I guess I'll just be dead.

Stefan: Elena made her decision. She's choosing to trust Elijah. I'm going to put my faith in her.
Damon: Why? She's going to end up dead.
Stefan: Because she put her faith in me. She chose to trust me in spite of what I am. I'm going to bet on somebody's instincts, it's going to be hers.
Damon: Well, then, that makes you the biggest idiot of them all.
Stefan: She chose to trust you, too.
Damon: Then maybe you shouldn't be so sure about her instincts.

Alaric: It's me, Elena, I swear, ok? He let me go. Klaus let me go.
Damon: Prove it.
Alaric: (looking to Jenna) Ok, uh, first night you and I spent together, Jeremy walked in right when I was about to...
Jenna: (lowers the crossbow) Okay, it's him.
Stefan: Why did he let you go?
Alaric: He wanted me to deliver a message... The sacrifice happens tonight.

Stefan: So you don’t remember anything that happened?
Alaric: No, it’s like I blacked out and woke up three days later... Katherine was there.
Stefan: She's under compulsion. Damon snuck her some vervain, but she can't leave until Klaus tells her she can.

Damon: You're going to die, Elena.
Elena: And then I'll come back to life.
Damon: That is not a risk I am willing to take.
Elena: But I am. It's my life, Damon. My choice.
Damon: ...I can't lose you.
Elena: You won't.

Damon(to Elena): You're so bent on dying, at least this way I know you'll come back.
Stefan: As a vampire. She'll come back a vampire!
Damon: It's better than nothing else!
Stefan: How could you, of all people, take that choice away from her?!

Damon (to Elena): Go ahead; wish me an eternity of misery. Believe me, you'll get over it.

Elijah: Tell Elena I'll be back before nightfall. We'll proceed as planned.
Damon: We both know that elixir wouldn't have worked, anyway.
Elijah: The problem, Damon...you talk a good game, but you don't actually "know" anything. She'll never forgive you. And 'never' for a vampire...it's a very long time.

Damon: I screwed up.
Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Damon: Any reason you stopped by to say HI?
Klaus: I'm told you and your brother fancy my doppelganger. Just thought I'd remind you not to do anything you'll regret.
Damon: Ha! Thanks for the advice. I don't suppose I could talk you into a postponement, by any chance, huh?
Klaus: You're kidding? (looks to Alaric) He's kidding right?
Alaric: No, not really.
Damon: I mean, come on, what's one month in the whole grand scheme of things?
Klaus: Let me be clear... I have my vampire. I have my werewolf. I have everything I need. The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow, don't screw it up.

Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might..."get over" the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?

Elena: We are climbing all the way up to the top?
Stefan: Oh yeah.
Elena: Well can’t you do one of super power vampire jumpy things.
Stefan: No, it’s your last day as a human, why cheat now?

Stefan: Look, I know this isn’t the first time you've thought about it, drinking vampire blood to survive, and I know I've thought about it a hundred times.
Elena: And before all this with Klaus? Do you think about it then?
Stefan: Of course I did. Look, if it were my choice, I would want to be with you forever.
Elena: Why have you never brought it up?
Stefan: Because I knew if it was an option you would have. It’s selfish for me to ask you.
Elena: Didn’t stop Damon.
Stefan: He shouldn’t of done what he did. He did it because he loves you.
Elena: But he did this to me, Stefan. Which means he doesn’t really know what love is and, to be honest, I don’t know if I do. I’m seventeen years old. How do I know any of this yet? I know that I love you, Stefan. I know that but my future, our lives together, those were things I was supposed to do as they came along. I was supposed to grow up, decide if I wanna have kids and start a family, grow old, and I was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices. Now that’s all gone.
Stefan: It’s okay to say it. Please.
Elena: (sobbing) I don’t want to be a vampire, Stefan. I never wanted to be one.

Elena: (about Damon and her part in the sacrifice) You'd think he'd understand why I'm willing to do this.
Elijah: Why are you?
Elena: I'm the key to breaking the curse. Klaus is here because of me. If I don't stop him, then he's going to hurt people. It's that simple.
Elijah: You know, there's a possibility this elixir won't work. I don't want to mislead you.
Elena: I know the chance I'm taking.

Alaric: You're going to screw it up, aren't you?
Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might... Get over the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?
Alaric: I think it won't matter because you'll be dead.
Damon: But without the werewolf, he can't perform the ritual tonight, which means I would have bought her one month before the next full moon.
Alaric: And you'll still be dead.

Caroline: (as she awakes, chained to a wall in the tomb) Tyler?
Tyler: You all right?
Caroline: Yeah... I think so.
Tyler: (as she tries to break the chains) I already tried.
Caroline: Those witches vervained me.
Tyler: Who were they?
Caroline: I think they're with Klaus

Elena: What's the best part about being a vampire?
Stefan: You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you just live more intensely, love more powerfully.

Stefan: If it were my choice, I'd want to be with you forever.
Elena: Why have you never brought it up?
Stefan: Because I knew if it was an option, you would have. It would be selfish for me to ask you.
Elena: Didn't stop Damon.
Stefan: He shouldn't have done what he did. He did it because he loves you.
Elena: But he did this to me, Stefan, which means he doesn't really know what love is. And to be honest, I don't know if I do. I'm 17 years old. How am I supposed to know any of this yet? I know that I love you, Stefan. I know that. But my future? Our lives together? Those were things I was supposed to deal with as they came along. I was supposed to grow up. Decide if I want to have kids and start a family. Grow old. I was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices, and... now? That's all gone.

The Sun Also Rises [2.21][edit]

Katherine: One hundred and forty-five years and no last goodbye?
Damon: You don't get a goodbye.
Katherine: Don't. Don't leave mad.
Damon: Us ending up on good terms is not exactly on my bucket list, Katherine.
Katherine: Klaus made me call Jenna to lure her out. There was nothing I could do. I didn't have a choice.
Damon: That's why I gave you the vervain. So you had a choice.
Katherine: It was her or me. I chose her.
Damon: I helped you. You owed me. Now when Klaus dies you're going to walk out of here without a scratch and Elena's aunt dies. Somehow you're the only one that wins. How'd that happen?
Katherine: I didn't let love get in the way.
Damon: Enjoy an eternity alone, Katherine.

Elena: Witches are supposed to maintain the balance of nature. It's your duty to them. To keep this curse sealed.
Greta: My duty is to Klaus. A new order.

Klaus: Glad to know I still have a dance partner.

Damon (to Elena's lifeless body): If you come back a vampire, I'll stake you myself. (sets her down) Also...I can’t stand the idea of you hating me forever.
Jeremy: How is she?
Damon: I don't know yet.
Alaric: And Jenna?
Damon: (shakes his head)
Alaric: No...
Damon: I'm sorry, Jeremy.
(Elena gasps, coming back to life)
Elena: (gasping) Damon...?
Damon: How do you feel?
Elena: (slowly nods) I feel fine...
(Damon breathes huge sigh of relief)

Tyler: You were right. I shouldn't have come home.
Caroline: No, you just...should have never left. And you shouldn't leave again.
Tyler: You're kidding, right? This is the second time I've tried to kill you.
Caroline: Well, no friendship is perfect.

John: (voiceover) Elena. It's no easy task being an ordinary parent to an extraordinary child. I failed in that task. And because of my prejudices, I failed you. I'm haunted by how things might have played out differently if I'd been more willing to hear your side of things. For me, it's the end. For you, a chance to grow old and someday do better with your own child than I did with mine. It's for that child that I give you my ring. I don't ask for your forgiveness or for you to forget. I ask only that you believe this. Whether you are now reading this as a human or as a vampire, I love you all the same. As I've always loved you, and always will.

John.


Damon (to Stefan): You wanna do something for me? Don't tell Elena about this. The last thing she needs is another grave to mourn.

As I Lay Dying [2.22][edit]

Elena: What do you want?
Damon: I want to apologize.
Elena: Damon-
Damon: Please. ...Elena, feeding you my blood, I was wrong.
Elena: Yes, you were.
Damon: And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but... I need it.

Stefan: You’re not dying today.
Damon: What’s the plan, Superman?

Alaric (on the phone): (drunk) Sorry, you’ve reached someone who’s currently not operating.
Stefan: I need your help.
Alaric: Well, you must have me confused with somebody else. You see, I'm not allowed to help - just idly sit by while my girlfriend gets sacrificed on an altar of blood.
Stefan: Damon's dying.
Alaric: ...What?
Stefan: Tyler Lockwood bit him. We don't have much time.
Alaric: What do you need?

Elena(to Stefan, about Gone with the Wind): Look who couldn't resist an epic romance.

Stefan: Whatever Damon's done, whatever has led him here, I'm the one who made him become a vampire in the first place. So if there's a chance for a cure, I owe it to him to find it.

(Damon is hallucinating)
Katherine: Is it wrong for me to want you both?
Elena: Damon.
Damon: (turns from Katherine) Elena?
Elena: Don't you see? She was toying with you. All you had to do was say no; walk away. You had a choice.

Elijah: You gave me your word, Niklaus.

Alaric (sees Damon's werewolf bite): Well, that looks bad.
Damon: It feels worse.

Damon: My subconscious is haunting me, Ric. Please tell me you have something for that.
Alaric: Double shot.
Damon: That's good.

Damon: You should want me dead. I’m the reason Jenna got killed.
Alaric: I don’t blame you for Jenna.
Damon: Oh sure you do. Let’s not forget, I turned your wife into a vampire. You must really hate me for that one.
Alaric: OK, give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.
Damon: (grabs Alaric by the throat) Kill me. Please.
Alaric: Screw you. (stabs him with vervain dart)
Damon: No... (falls over) Elena?
Alaric: Elena's not here, Damon.

Klaus: I heard about this one vampire, crazy bloke, always on-and-off the wagon for decades. When he was off, he was magnificent. 1917 he went into Monterrey and wiped out an entire migrant village. True ripper. Sound familiar?
Stefan: I haven’t been that way in a very long time.
Klaus: Well, that’s the vampire I can make a deal with. That is the kind of talent that I can use when I leave this town.

Stefan: Your blood is the cure.
Klaus: Gotta love Mother Nature.

Caroline: That was Bonnie. Jeremy's alive.
Sheriff Forbes: (relieved and crying) I thought I'd killed him.
Caroline: You did.
Sheriff Forbes: I don't understand.
Caroline: I explained it to you once but I had to make you forget because I was so scared about what you might do. But now, I don't want to lie. I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore. (Taking her mother's hand) And I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. (crying, she hugs her mother) I'm still your little girl. It's me. It's me.

(crying, Sheriff Forbes returns her embrace)


Bonnie (to Jeremy): You were dead. It would be weird if you felt normal.

Damon: (coughs) Elena...
Elena: It's ok, Damon. I'm right here.
Damon: Elena, get out of here. I could hurt you.
Elena: No. You won't. I'm here until the very end, I'm not leaving you.

Damon (about Katherine): All those years I blamed Stefan. But no one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I’m sorry.

Klaus: (to Stefan) You can either remain here living your life in Mystic Falls or you can embrace what you truly are - leave town with me and save your brother’s life.

Damon: This is even more pitiful than I thought.
Elena: There's still hope.
Damon: I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die.
Elena: No... You don't.
Damon: I do, Elena. It's okay. Because if I’d have chosen differently, I wouldn't have met you. I’m so sorry. I’ve done so many things to hurt you.
Elena: It's okay. I forgive you.
Damon: I know you love Stefan. And it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: (nods) I do.

Damon: You should have met me in 1864. I think you would have liked me.
Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.

Katherine (to Elena, about Stefan): He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you. It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. Goodbye, Elena.

Katherine (to Elena): It's OK to love them both. I did.

Season 3[edit]

The Birthday [3.01][edit]

Damon: Morning.
Elena: Hey, I was gonna- (turns, sees Damon naked) OH! (quickly turns back around) You heard me! You knew that I was here.
Damon: Hey, you should learn to knock. What if I was... indecent?

Elena: Sheriff Forbes gave us another location to check. Memphis.
Damon: Another dead-end, you mean.
Elena: You don't know that.
Damon: You're right, Elena. This could be the one. After almost two months, this could be the clue that tells us Stefan is alive and well and living in Graceland.

Alaric: (sees bloody corpses) Ugh. Vampire, for sure.
Damon: Stefan, for sure.
Alaric: How do you know.
Damon: It's his signature; there's a reason they call him "the ripper." Feeds so hard he blacks out and rips them apart, but then when he's done, he feels remorse. It's the damndest thing - he puts the bodies back together.
Alaric: "Back together"?

Tyler (to Elena, about Damon): But you kissed him. Probably screwed with his head.

Stefan: My brother still on our trail?
Klaus: He's getting closer, I'm gonna have to deal with that.
Stefan: No, no no. Let me handle that.
Klaus: Why should I let you leave?
Stefan: Cause you know I'll come back.
Klaus: Do I?
Stefan: You saved my brother's life, I'm at you're service.
Klaus: Aah, you all sound so tedious, aren't you even having the least bit of fun?
Stefan: I'll make sure that my brother doesn't bother us any more.

Elena: Don't worry, I'm not gonna lose it. At least not before the cake.
Damon: (shrugs) It's your party. You can cry if you want to.

Damon: (stops two girls carrying a liquor bottle) Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. (points to the bottle) You don't want that. You want the cheap, young stuff over by the cheap, young people.

Alaric: I am every parent's worst nightmare. I am the chaperone teacher from hell.
Damon: I love high school parties.

Damon: (sees Elena approaching) Hello, birthday girl!
Elena: (reaches out her hand) Drink! (takes Damon's glass) Jeremy's smoking again.
Damon: Is his stash any good?
Elena: You're an ass. (to Alaric) Talk to him. Please? He looks up to you. (give back the glass and walks away)
Damon (to Ric): You're screwed.

Damon (to Alaric): Drink more - it'll feel less weird.

Damon: (at the news station; answers his phone) Party central.
Elena: Damon? Where are you?
Damon: I'm by the...punch bowl!
Elena: Don't do that, Damon, don't lie to me! I saw your closet.
Damon: Oh...oh! I gotta go break up beer pong! (hangs up quickly)

Damon: Stefan.
Stefan: Hello brother.
Damon: You don't write, you don't call...
Stefan: I need you to stop following me - it's causing some problems.
Damon: With who? Klaus? I'm supposed to care what he thinks?
Stefan: What you're supposed to do is let me go.
Damon: I saw your artwork in Tennessee. You're walking a fine line there, my friend. Keep that up and there will be no saving you.
Stefan: See, the thing is, I don't need any saving. I just want you to let me go.
Damon: Well, I've got a birthday girl at home that's not gonna let me do that.

Jeremy: What are you doing?
Matt: I can't find my truck!
Jeremy: That's probably a sign you shouldn't be driving it.

Caroline (to Damon): Hey! You missed the cake.

Damon: Can we not do this right now? I'm having a really bad night.
Elena: All summer, every single time I came to you with a lead, you made me feel like an idiot for having hope...
Damon: You were an idiot. (pauses) We both were.
Elena: Tell me what you know, Damon.
Damon: I need you to get back to your party, Elena.
Elena: We're supposed to be in this together. Why didn't you tell me that you've been tracking Klaus's victims?
Damon: Because they're not "Klaus's victims", Elena, they're Stefan's!
Elena: ...What?
Damon: He's left a trail of body parts up and down the eastern seaboard.
Elena: No. You're wrong.
Damon: I've seen it happen before. He's flipped the switch; full-blown ripper.
Elena: Stop it, Damon.
Damon: No you stop it, Elena. Stop looking for him. Stop waiting for him to come home. Just stop! Stefan's gone and he's not coming back. (pauses) Not in your lifetime.

The Hybrid [3.02][edit]

Damon: Happy Birthday, Elena. Stefan killed Andie! Cake?

Klaus: Please, forgive the intrusion. My name is Klaus.
Werewolf: You're the hybrid.
Klaus: You've heard of me. Fantastic.

Damon: Get out of the water, Elena.
Elena: If I get out of the water, you're gonna make me go home.
Damon: Yes, because I'm not an idiot, like you.
Alaric: Right now you're both acting like idiots.

Damon: (sighs) Okay. Okay! But we are out of here before the moon is full and I'm werewolf bait.
Elena: I promise.
Damon: Unless you wanna relive that whole "deathbed kissy-thing."

Stefan: Some master race.
Klaus: Lose the attitude.

Damon: How you doing?
Elena: Fine.
Damon: You know, I could help you.
Elena: No, thanks.
Damon: Just one little 'fwoosh'... (indicates jump)
Elena: Yeah, with my luck, you'd drop me.
Alaric: What are you guys, twelve?

Tyler: You put vervain in my coffee this morning. Why?
Carol: Vervain? What are you talking about?
Tyler: Let's skip the part where we pretend we don't know about the vampires in this town. You were testing me to see if I was a vampire. I want to know why.
Carol: You've been spending so much time with Caroline...I had to know for sure.
Tyler: What does Caroline have to do with it?
Carol: Let's skip the part where we pretend she's not one of them.

Carol (about Caroline): You can't be with her. She's a monster.
Tyler: You don't know about me, do you?
Carol: Know what? Know what, Tyler?

Elena: (douses rope with vervain) Here Ric, take these.
Damon: (goes to grab them; gets burned) Ah! Ow!
Elena: I said Ric.

(Elena trips and falls)
Damon: Don't move.
( Elena looks up; she is face-to-face with a werewolf)
Damon: Here, doggy doggy... (wolf runs after him; both disappear)
Alaric: Come on, let's keep moving.
Elena: We can't leave Damon!
Alaric: He can handle himself, let's move.
Elena: No. If he gets bit, he'll be dead. I'm the reason he's out here!
Alaric: I am the reason he's out here. I told him where we were, and I'm telling you to keep moving. Let's go, Elena! Now!

Tyler: You think Caroline's a monster? I'm the monster, mom.

Stefan: What part of "don't follow me anymore" got lost in translation, Damon?
Damon: Might wanna take it up with your girlfriend. You don't want her chasing you, I'd stop with the late-night phone calls.

Elena: Stefan's out there somewhere, and now Damon, and we're just sitting in this car?
Alaric: Let the vampires fight the hybrid zombie mountain-man. I'll take care of keeping the humans safe.

Alaric: Oh, boy. Are you a sucker for a lost cause, or what?
Elena: You're not a lost cause, Ric! You're just...lost. But so is Jeremy. And so am I. Our family is gone. We don't have anybody and, I'm sorry, but you don't have anybody either, so... We're kind of good for each other.

Elena: Damon? Are you okay? Did you...?
Damon: Fine, bite-free. Get back in the car, please.
Elena: Can you just give me a minute to appreciate that you're not dead?
Damon: I'll give you ten seconds. Nine...eight... (begins pushing her towards the car) Hey, Ric, did you happen to see where I parked my car?

Jeremy: You know, I don't remember her dying. I don't know if Caroline told you that when she told you everything.
Matt: Nah, she didn't.
Jeremy: Elena made them take that memory away from me - thought I "couldn't handle it." So whatever my last moment was with her...I don't have it.
Matt: I don't, either. I don't remember the last moment I had with Vicki before she was a vampire. When she was still my sister.

Anna (as a ghost): Jeremy. Don't trust Vicki.

Klaus: You look like hell.
Stefan: Last I checked, I'm dying.

Klaus (to Stefan): We're leaving. It appears...you're the only comrade I have left.

Elena: (finds Damon in her bedroom) Seriously?
Damon: I was wrong.
Elena: ...Are you drunk?
Damon: No. ...I thought Stefan was gone, but I was wrong.
Elena: You saw him out there? Damon, is he okay?
Damon: No, he's not okay, Elena. He's an insufferable martyr who needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.
Elena: What happened out there? What changed your mind?
Damon: I changed my mind because, even in his darkest place, my brother still can't let me die. So I figure I owe him the same in return. I'll help you bring him back.

Damon: You had a bag full of weapons and a teacher with an eternity ring. You could've kept going.
Elena: It was too dangerous.
Damon: It was too dangerous going out there to begin with, so what was it?
Elena: Why are you being like this?
Damon: What changed your mind, Elena?
Elena: I didn't want to see you get hurt, okay?! I was...I was worried about you.
Damon: Thanks. (starts to leave)
Elena: (sighs) Yes, I worry about you. Why do you even have to hear me say it?
Damon: (stops) Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone.

Damon: (passing Alaric on the stairs) How's it going, Ric?
Alaric: (watches Damon go, then turns to Elena) Know what you're doing, there?
Elena: No. (exhales) I don't.

Bill: Hello, Caroline.
Caroline: Daddy?

The End Of The Affair [3.03][edit]

Damon (on the phone): Katherine. Where are you?
Katherine: Lurking outside your window, pining away.
Damon: What do you want?
Katherine: I'm homesick. What have I missed?
Damon: Well, Stefan's still Klaus' little prisoner, and Elena still thinks she can save him, and no one's thought about you since you left.
Katherine: And what about you? I'm sure, now that you've given up on your brother, you're plotting some way of moving in on his girlfriend.
Damon: I didn't give up on him. I just don't know where he is.

Klaus: Chicago was magical.
Stefan: Yeah, well, I'll take your word for it. Like I said, I don't remember most of it.

(Elena rolls over in bed)
Damon: Rise and shine, sleepyhead...
Elena: (jolts awake) Ah! What are you doing? Get out!
Damon: You know you were dreaming about me. Explains the drool.
Elena: Oh my god. 6 AM? Seriously? You don't have anything better to do at 6AM?

Damon: I sure hope we find him, 'cause it would suck if your last memento of Stefan was that crappy, old necklace.
Elena: It's an antique, Damon. Like you.

(driving to Chicago)
Damon: (reading Stefan's journal) "March 12th, 1922. I've blacked out days. I wake up in stranger's blood in places I don't recognize, with women I don't remember." (gasps) I'm shocked. Stefan's not a virgin?
Elena: (takes the journal) Eyes on the road, grandma.
Damon: Fine. Back to my game. Tell me if you see a Florida plate.

(flashback - Chicago, 1920s)
Rebekah: Sorry to crash the fun boys, but some of us actually came here to hear the music, not you.
Stefan: I’m so sorry sweetheart, are we offending you?
Rebekah: It takes a lot more than a baby face like this to offend me.
Stefan: Hey, are you even gonna tell me your name?
Rebekah: Sure, when you earn it.

Gloria: You got to be kidding me.
Klaus: So a hybrid walks into a bar, says to the bartender...
Gloria: Stop. You may be invincible, but that doesn't make you funny.

Elena: Stefan could have lived anywhere in Chicago, and he chose this?
Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.

Damon: Here we are. Stefan's second personality home.

(Damon opens a hidden cabinet)
Elena: Stefan hid his alcohol. What a monster.
Damon: Look harder.
Elena: (sees huge list on the wall) It's a list of names.
Damon: Mm-hmm.
Elena: These are all of his victims?
Damon: Still handling it?

Elena: What were you doing in the 1920s? Paving the way for women's liberation?
Damon: I was around. Chicago's a big city. Stefan was a cocky ripper douche, but I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanans of my own.

Gloria: Well, look what the wind blew in. Last I heard, you hated this place.
Damon: Gloria. Damn! If I knew you were gonna age like this, I would have stuck around.
Gloria: I always did like you better.

Gloria: I don't think so. You may be cute, but you're still a vampire.

Elena: I told you I was practically discovered by Klaus, and you're worried about what I'm wearing?
Damon: I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on. (pauses) Are you okay?
Elena: Yeah.
Damon: Ok, good. Get dressed. You're all road-trippy and gross.

Caroline: Why are you trying to fix me?
Bill: So I don't have to kill you!

Stefan: So, I'm confused. If we were such great friends, then why do I only know you as the hybrid dick who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire?

Stefan: What is wrong with you?!
Damon: What is wrong with you? You kill Andie one day, you save my life the next. What are you, good? Bad? Pick one!
Stefan: Klaus almost saw Elena today. You have to get her out of Chicago.
Damon: She's not going anywhere until she's got you checked into vampire rehab and on the mend. Trust me, I've tried.
Stefan: She is the key to everything. Klaus can't know she's alive.
Damon: What are you talking about?
Stefan: She was supposed to die in the sacrifice, and she didn't - now Klaus can't create any new hybrids. And his witch is seconds away from figuring that out. Tell Elena to go home and forget about me.
Damon: Tell her yourself.

Klaus: I see they've opened the doors to the riffraff now.
Damon: Oh, honey, I've been called worse.

Klaus: You don't have to negotiate your brother's freedom. When I'm done with him, he won't want to go back.

Elena: Lexi found you like this before, in the 20s, and-- and she saved you.
Stefan: And you know what I did after that? I spent 30 years trying to pull myself together. To a vampire, that's nothing. To you? That's half your life.
Elena: I can't give up on you, Stefan.
Stefan: Yes, you can. It's done - that part of my life is done. I don't want to see you. I don't want to be with you. I just want you to go.

Disturbing Behavior [3.04][edit]

Rebekah: There has to be more to this dress.
Stefan: There’s not.
Rebekah: So women in the 21st century dress like prostitutes, then. You know, I got dirty looks for wearing trousers.
Klaus: You wore trousers so women today could wear nothing.

Klaus: Nice one, good work.
Stefan: You're the one that pulled the dagger out of her.
Rebekah: I heard that!

Damon (to Elena): I just don't know why you want to bring chili to a potluck. Everybody brings chili. (Alaric enters) Hey, Ric.
Alaric: What's up?
Elena: What time do you want to go to the Lockwood party?
Alaric: Ah...those "founder's parties" aren't really my thing.
Damon: Show up, there's going to be nine other people that brought chili.
Elena: It's an old family recipe, ok?
Damon: Yeah - I know! I knew your old family. They made sucky chili.

Caroline: As your friend, who worries for you daily: what is the deal with you and Damon?
Elena: There is no deal. He's been just as focused on finding Stefan as I have.
Caroline: Yeah, but that doesn't make him any less Damon... If my own father, who I love dearly, can't change me, no one's changing Damon. Not even you.

Damon: I'm going to let you in on a little secret... "Founder's parties" are just an excuse for the council to gather in backrooms and plot against vampires.

Rebekah: I am not a brat!
Klaus: A thousand years of life experience says otherwise.
Stefan (to Klaus): Well, you're no picnic, either. I mean, I've only spent one summer with you and I feel like I want to blow my head off.

Gloria: You know, witches nowadays, they're into that new-age stuff. But...I'm a little more old-school voodoo.

Elena: Where's Damon?
Caroline: Probably off somewhere doing bad things to good people. (shrugs) Consider me the honesty police.

Elena: Where have you been?
Damon: Managing Bill Forbes. Apparently, he's impervious to compulsion.
Alaric: How?
Damon: I have no idea. But he threatened to out me. Don't get me started on the irony of that...

Damon (about Bill): He wants to put vervain in the town's water supply.
Elena: Maybe it's not a bad idea. I mean, it'll help you keep yourself in control, now that Stefan's not here to...
Damon: To what? To keep me in check? Make me behave? I should have killed him this morning.
Elena: He's Caroline's dad, Damon.
Damon: Yeah, and when I kill him, she'll have one more parent than we do. (starts to leave)
Alaric: (blocks him) Oh, come on, Damon!
Damon: You're repeatedly killing my buzz today, Ric. Step aside.
Alaric: Yeah, it's not going to happen.
Damon: (sighs) You're temporary funeral. (breaks his neck)
Elena: Damon, no! What is wrong with you?!

Alaric: You killed me!
Damon: Ric, no hard feelings, alright? I was on a bit of a tear, and everyone was trying to tell me how to behave.
Alaric: Maybe they finally realized you’re a dick.

The Reckoning [3.05][edit]

Stefan: I have done everything Klaus asked me to.
Rebekah: No, you just failed to mention that the doppelganger is still alive.
Stefan: Where is Klaus now?
Rebekah: With any luck, ripping that cow's head off.
Stefan: (attacks her) Where is she?!
Rebekah: You really do love her, don't you? Consider me jealous.

Katherine: What if I told you there is a way to kill Klaus? And not dagger dead. Dead dead.
Damon: I'd say you're either desperate or lying. Or drunk. Or desperate, lying, and drunk.

Elena: Stefan, you can control this. When that buzzer goes off, just...just drink from me!
Stefan: You don't get it; I can't stop, Elena. I'm a ripper! A ripper doesn't stop! I listen to the words that come out of your mouth and all I hear is the sound of your heart pumping blood through your body. And when that clock ticks down, I'm going to have to feed on you. You want to know what's worse? I'm not going to be able to stop.

Katherine: You're going to get yourself killed. The Damon I remember wouldn't have been that stupid.
Damon: I wouldn't have done it for you.

Klaus: Now this is fascinating, I've never seen this before. The only thing stronger than your craving for blood is your love for this one girl. ...Why don't you turn it off?
Stefan: No.
Klaus: Come on... Your humanity is killing you! All the guilt, must be exhausting. ...Turn it off.
Stefan: No!
Elena: Stefan...
Klaus: You're strong. But you're not...that...strong. (pauses) Turn...it...off.
Stefan: (violently shoving Klaus away) NO!
(enraged, Klaus rushes Stefan - pins him against the wall)
Klaus: TURN IT OFF!
Elena (to Klaus): What did you do?
Stefan: (chokes)
Klaus: ...I fixed him.

Bonnie: Listen to me, I know you wanna help and I know you miss your sister, but what you did was reckless and stupid.
Matt: I know, Bonnie. I know. But it worked - it was worth it.
Bonnie: You don’t want to be part of all this, Matt. You’re the only one of us who actually gets to live their life like a normal person. No matter how lost you feel, don’t forget that.

Klaus: Well, look who finally decided to show up to the party.
Damon: Where is she?
Klaus: Elena? Ah, she's making a donation to a greater cause. (stops him) I'm afraid I can't let you interfere, mate.
Damon: You'll have to kill me.
Klaus: Oh, I would love to kill you. But I made a pledge to your brother and, unlike him, I keep my word. Although, you know what? Thinking about it now, he probably doesn't care that much anymore. (grabs Damon by the throat and pins him against the hood of a car)
Damon: (talking fast) You don't wanna know about your friend Mikael?
Klaus: What do you know about Mikael?
Damon: Just that he knows you're here...
Klaus: Bluffing.
Damon: Katherine and I found him. Consider it our leverage.

Elena: ...Damon...?
Damon: (quietly) Hey.

Damon: Hey, have some bourbon. (passes her the glass) It'll help you forget.
Elena: (takes a sip and grimaces) Mm.
Damon: Yeah, it's...strong. You know, I can help you forget, too. At least the memories you don't want to keep.
Elena: No. No compulsion. I need to remember. All of it.
Damon: (holds up her vervain necklace) I stole it back for you.
Elena: He's really gone this time. I watched it happen. After everything we went through to get-- to help him, now he's just...gone. (crying) Where were you, Damon?
Damon: I shouldn't have left. (pauses) I promise you - I will never leave you again.

Smells Like Teen Spirt [3.06][edit]

Alaric: I think you found a way to get out of bed this morning and that makes you the strongest person I know.

Caroline: Why should I let the fact that my boyfriend was turned into a hybrid put a damper on my day?

Elena: New year. New life.

Damon: Hey, the two brunettes on the staircase owe me a Persian rug.

Stefan: Oh, I'm sorry. Your tone implies that I'm actually supposed to care.

Matt: You can't just keep appearing like this. It freaks me out.
Vicki: I'm a ghost. It's all I got.

Damon: What? What do you mean "what"? I've been calling you for two days.
Katherine: Odd. That's exactly how long I've been ignoring you.

Damon: You know Stefan. Journaling, reading, shaping his hair...

Tyler: I'm his first successful hybrid, Caroline. Don't you think that's the tiniest bit awesome?

Elena: I don't know what he is, but he's definitely not Stefan.

Stefan: I'm the guy who's been assigned to protect the human blood bag. I mean, no offense.

Damon: What? Are you going to bench-press a vampire?
Elena: Do you actually know what's happening right now? Stefan called me a "human blood bag".... He's a completely different person... (grunts as she lifts the weights)
Damon: (pushes down on the barbell with one hand)
Elena: What are you doing?
Damon: Helping you out.
Elena: Damon!
Damon: Come on, Buffy!

Elena: Like one obnoxious Salvatore isn't bad enough.
Damon: You called - I'm here.

Damon: No one's gonna hurt you. Especially not my brother.

Elena: I lure Stefan away from the bonfire. Then, when he's distracted--
Alaric: I'll shoot him.
Damon: Can't Bonnie just ju-ju him, or something?

Damon: Are you ever not gonna hate me, Ric?
Alaric: Doubtful.

Caroline: How do I fix him?
Damon: Get a new boyfriend.

Bonnie: Matt's trying to resurrect his dead sister! I think I'll go deal with that instead.

Tyler: How did I get home?
Caroline: I brought you here. You were being a major d-bag.

Tyler (to Caroline): Everything I like about me...is you.

Elena: Uh-oh! It’s the fun police. I thought that 'Ripper Stefan' was supposed to be the life of the party.

Alaric: You look, uh, not sober.

Elena: Give it to me, I can do it.
Damon: No, let me.
Elena: Damon, come on!
Damon: Elena. You almost got barbecued. The least I can do is apply first-aid.

Elena: You played your part of the plan really well tonight. You had Rebekah drooling all over you...and your marshmallows....
Damon: Yeah - before she skewered me. I thought you were too drunk to notice.
Elena: I was faking most of it.
Damon: So was I.

Damon: Great work tonight, Ric. Sorry about the car, man. Bummer.

Caroline: You have to earn the over-nighter.
Tyler: I consider that a challenge.

Elena: I know who you really are, better than anyone, Stefan. I am not giving up.
Stefan: Elena, do you have any idea how pathetic that makes you?
Elena: No, Stefan. (stakes Stefan in the gut) It makes me strong.

Ghost World [3.07][edit]

Damon: Well I don't have time for vengeful Lockwood. When I kill someone, they're supposed to stay dead.

Elena: That's what it’s called?
Jeremy: That's what Anna calls it. There's not an official brochure or anything.

Stefan: All these words. Forgot how much I used to care.
Elena: I didn't.

Jeremy: I don't know why this is happening, or when it's gonna stop. But before it's done, I have to do this. (Kisses Anna)

Damon: But remember back when you liked me, and we conspired to kill Uncle Werewolf Mason Lockwood?
Alaric: Yeah. And?
Damon: I think he’s still a little pissed.

Stefan: You're...
Lexi: ... dead? Technically, so are you.

Elena: You need to disappear. Or evaporate. Or do whatever it is that ghosts do.

Damon: Tyler can't be helped, at least not while Klaus is alive. Which is, like, always.

Damon: You’re right. I didn’t have to kill you. I do a lot of things I don’t have to do.
Mason: (laughs) Good enough.

Stefan: I will rip you apart, Lexi.
Lexi: You can't. I'm already dead.

Mason: I don't need revenge, Damon. I need redemption.

Damon: Which way?
Mason: I don’t know. Flip a coin.
Damon: Aren't you supposed to be all-knowing?
Mason: I'm a ghost. Not God.

Alaric: You’re going to recycle that same crap-ass apology you gave to Mason Lockwood?
Damon: Yeah, well. I didn’t mean it with him.

Elena (to Stefan): I won't love a ghost for the rest of my life.

Bonnie: I've got a ghost problem to deal with, Caroline. Save the Jeremy problem for later.

Ordinary People [3.08][edit]

Alaric: Careful where you shine that thing. Bats hate the light.
Elena: Wait... what?

Alaric: As far as I could tell, it’s a story. In simple archaeological terms: it’s a really, really old story.

Mikael (to Klaus): Some days, it's a miracle you're still alive, boy.

Elena: How does he look?
Damon: Pasty and pouty.
Elena: He'll have to get over it.

Elena: She’s a thousand-year-old vampire who’s joined the cheerleading squad. There’s a whole different set of rules in play here, Ric. I've got this.

Alaric: Jeremy is an idiot. And I know this with certainty because I was once a Jeremy. Trust me, we learn. Eventually.

Stefan: It’s precision born out of tragic boredom.
Damon: All that effort wasted trying to tell you how boring you were and you finally agree with me?

Rebekah: He’s a vampire. We’re a predatory species. We don’t have time to care about humans and their silly little lives.

Stefan: What's the point of the jailbreak?
Damon: I thought you needed a hug, Stefan

Rebekah: He's my brother. And I'm immortal. Shall I spend an eternity alone instead?

Rebekah: If you come after my brother, I will rip you apart. And I get my temper from my father.

Damon: Careful, Stefan. Your humanity is showing.

Elena: (sighs) Damon, seriously?
Damon: We got Mikael.
Elena: What? How?
Damon: No idea. I guess Katherine came through. The plan's in motion.
Elena: (looks surprised)
Damon: See? I told you I had it. Go ahead - kick, yell, scream. I'm sure you've been planning your rant all day.
Elena: I'm not gonna yell at you.
Damon: Why not? I went behind your back, freed Stefan. And you know what? It backfired. He’s an even bigger dick than ever. It’s just, now, he’s a dick that’s on our side.
Elena: I'm not mad. I'm tired. I just-- I want to go to bed.
Damon: You know, I think Mikael's weapon is a stake, because he mentioned something about it...
Elena: Well, then they must have carved it from the white oak tree before they burned it down.
Damon: So I was right.
Elena: (sighs, gets into bed)
Damon: After allll that, the wall led us to Mikael.
Elena: It led us to more than just that. I think I got Rebekah on our side, too.
Damon: Really? What'd you learn from here?
Elena: I learned that she's just a girl. That she lost her mom too young, and she loves blindly and recklessly - even if it consumes her.
Elena: You know, when all is said and done, there's nothing more important than the bond of family.
Damon: (scoffs) You should tell that to my brother.
Elena: I'm not mad at you for letting him out, Damon. I think that you're gonna be the one to save him from himself. It won't be because he loves me. It'll be because he loves you.

Homecoming [3.09][edit]

Damon: I am forming a secret contingency plan.
Elena: Really? What is it?
Damon: Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.

Stefan: I’m one hundred and sixty two years old and I’m going to a homecoming dance. I need better ties.

Damon: Elena, this thing blows up in our face, just remember only one of us heals quickly.

Caroline: I finally almost got your mom to stop hating me, so I probably shouldn't get caught in some kind of weird vampire threesome with her son.

Caroline: Matt is an innocent, good person, who should not be going to dances with evil blood sluts.

Caroline: This is a sire thing, isn't it? Please tell me this is some weird family extension of your sire bond with Klaus.
Tyler: I'm here hanging streamers and have glitter all over my hands. If I'm sired to anybody, it's you.

Damon: It's very...Katherine of you.
Elena: Not the way to make me feel better about myself, Damon.
Damon: It was a compliment. Sort of.

Damon: Do you trust me?
Elena: Yes.
Damon: Then you have nothing to worry about.

Damon: I'd offer you a drink, but Katherine tells me you're more of a vampire-on-the-rocks kind of guy.

Klaus: Your mom is not a problem. I compelled her to go to the church and pray for your friends.

Hybrid: Invite only, vampire.
Damon: Here's my RSVP. (pulls out his heart) Hybrid.

Damon: What the hell’s wrong with you? You’re not supposed to witchy-migraine me!
Bonnie: You’re not supposed to kill Tyler!

Mikael: (surprised) Katherine.
Katherine: (pulls the pins out of two wolfsbane grenades) Kaboom.

Damon: We're never getting Stefan back. You know that, don't you?
Elena: Then we'll have to let him go. Okay? We'll let him go.

Katherine: Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in. (shrugs) Sometimes I let it.

The New Deal [3.10][edit]

Elena: The Stefan that we know is gone.
Bonnie: How is Damon handling that?
Elena: Damon is... Damon.

Damon: I can't drink all this by myself! I mean, I can. But then someone is getting naked.

Jeremy: Hey, so, what's the point of this again?
Tyler: The point is I'm pissed at Caroline and Bonnie dumped your ass. The point is to get drunk and shoot stuff.

Elena: Well, you're day drunk. It's not exactly your most attractive look.
Damon: Oh? And what is my 'most attractive look'?
Elena: I'm not saying that you have any attractive look. I'm just saying...this is my least favorite one.

Klaus: My sister has gone missing.
Damon: Cute, blonde bombshell? Psycho? Shouldn't be too hard to find.

Elena: Vampires, hybrids, and originals? No problem. My rebellious brother? I'm worried.

Alaric: What if he asked you to... jump off a bridge?
Tyler: He wouldn't. And even if he did, I'd be fine. I'm a hybrid.
Elena: OK, so what if he asked you to rip your own heart out?
Tyler: Again, he wouldn't.
Elena: What if he did?
Tyler: I don't know - then I'd rip out my heart!

Klaus: Human life is just a means to an end. Our means, to our end.

Jeremy: None of us are gonna make it out of this town alive.

Damon: And they use their ju-ju to screw with my daylight ring.

Elena: He's gonna kill Jeremy.
Stefan: Not really my problem.
(Elena slaps Stefan)
Elena: Then you can go to hell.

Damon: When are you going to get it? Stop saving me!

Elena: Ric, hey. When did you return to the living?

Damon: You go after Klaus, you're gonna have to be cut throat and devious. And I'm so much better at that than you.

Damon: My brother is sort of running his own show right now.
Elena: Yeah, well my brother just chopped of someone's head.

Damon: Take it from me. Strange is bad; dead is worse.

Elena: Thank you.
Damon: No problem.
Elena: Not just for this, Damon. For everything. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here.
Damon: (sighs) You should know this, Elena. Stefan didn't screw us over. He screwed us over, but he had a good reason.
Elena: What?
Damon: He saved Klaus to save me. Then he stole the coffins to get even.
Elena: Damon, if he did it to protect you, then why would he even do that? What does that even mean?
Damon: What does it mean? It means I'm an idiot. Cause I thought, for one second, that I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore.
Elena: Wait, what are you talking about? Guilty for what?
Damon: (looks at her) For wanting what I want.
Elena: Damon...,
Damon: No, I know. Believe me I get it. My brother's girl, and all. (starts to walk away) No... You know what? If I'm gonna feel guilty about something, I'm gonna feel guilty about this. (kisses Elena)

Our Town [3.11][edit]

Matt: You know, you guys are ruining a perfectly good funeral.

Damon: Stefan just grabbed Elena.
Klaus: Well, he's getting desperate.
Damon: He's going to try to use her against you. Do what he says. Get rid of your hybrids.
Klaus: Or what? Stefan would never dream of killing her.
Damon: Are you sure about that? He just tried to behead someone in the middle of a council party. He's operating on crazy right now.
Klaus: Well crazy or not, that kind of love never dies. He's bluffing.
Damon: Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But if you don't wanna believe him, believe me. I know my brother better than anyone and right now I don't have a clue how far he's willing to take this. So if he says blink, I suggest you blink.

[after trying to throw Elena over the bridge]:
Stefan: Elena get in the car!
Elena: How could you?! My parents died going over this bridge. I almost died. You knew that. You`re the one who saved me.
Stefan: He had to believe I would do it alright. Your fear sold it.
Elena: Well, what if he hadn't?
Stefan: He did.
Elena: Well what if he hadn't?
Stefan: He did, Elena! He backed down! He has a weakness! If I know his weakness, I can destroy him!
Elena: After everything, that`s what mattered, destroying Klaus?
Stefan: Destroying Klaus is all I have left.
Elena: You had me!
Stefan: I lost you the minute I left town with him. You just haven`t let yourself admit that yet.
Elena: Is that what you`re doing? Trying to make me hate you?
Stefan: I don`t really care what you think about me anymore, Elena.

Caroline: Are you going to kill me?
Klaus: On your birthday? You really think that low of me?
Caroline: Yes.
Klaus: That looks bad. My apologies you were just collateral damage, it's nothing personal. I love birthdays.
Caroline:Yeah, aren't you like a billion or something?
Klaus: You'll have to adjust your perception of time when you become a vampire Caroline, celebrate the fact that you are no longer bound by trivial human conventions. You're free.
Caroline: No I'm dying.
Klaus: And I could let you, die, if that's what you want. If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself once or twice over the centuries, truth be told. But I'll let you in on a little secret, there's a whole world out there waiting for you, great cities and art and music, genuine beauty, and you can have all of it, you can have a thousand more birthdays - all you have to do is ask.
Caroline: I don't wanna die.
Klaus: (bites his wrist as he picks Caroline up to give her his blood) There you go, sweetheart. Have at it. (she begins to drink) Happy birthday, Caroline.

Elena: You can't kiss me again.
Damon: I know.
Elena: You can't. It's not right.
Damon: It's right. Just not right now.

The Ties That Bind [3.12][edit]

Elena: Bonnie hasn't seen her mom in over 15 years. We don't need your snarky commentary narrating the experience.
Bonnie: What's going on with you two?
Damon: We kissed, now it's weird. Have a great trip.

Elena: There's something I have to tell you. And it's not because I feel guilty that it happened, it's because I feel guilty that you don't know. I kissed Damon.

Meredith: Vampire hunter who can't be killed by vampires. Convenient.

Bringing Out the Dead [3.13][edit]

Elena: It's not Meredith. Okay? I refuse to believe that your luck with women is that tragic.

Stefan: What are you doing here?
Elena: Bonnie told me that you guys would be here. I need to talk to you.
Stefan: Well, there's nothing to talk about. I'm just focused on getting this coffin opened.
Elena: Did you kill the medical examiner?
Stefan: Why would you think I did that?
Elena: Maybe because I don't know what you are capable of anymore.
Stefan: Believe what you want, Elena.
Elena: I don't want to believe any of it, Stefan.
Stefan: But you had to ask me anyway.
Elena: Stefan-
Stefan: Did you ask Damon? If he's killed anyone lately?

Damon: Oh, yes. This is about me kissing Elena. Just remember if it wasn't for Klaus you wouldn't have become such a dick, and that kiss would never have happened. So get ready, and get happy. We're going to negotiate a fake truce and I don't want your attitude screwing it up.

Stefan: Where's Rebekah? Last I checked she was still daggered because you couldn't face her.
Klaus: If you're referring to the fact that I killed our mother, I've already come clean to Elijah.
Damon: Hey Stef, remember when you killed dad? You might want to hold off on the judgement until dessert.
Stefan: We're here to make a deal Damon. Doesn't mean we need to kiss his ass for seven courses.

Klaus: Gentlemen, the worst thing for Elena Gilbert... is the two of you.

Stefan: I love her, Damon.
Damon: So do I.

Klaus: Elijah. Why haven't you left?
Elijah: Where are your manners, brother? We forgot desert. (removes a cloth from the tray, revealing two silver daggers)
Klaus: What have you done?
Elijah: What have you done? You see I've learned not to trust your vulgar promises, Klaus. We're doing this on my terms now. (Klaus's brother, Kol, enters the room)
Klaus: Kol!
Kol: Long time, brother.
Klaus: (Runs to the tray to retrieve a dagger but the dagger is seized by his other brother, Finn) Finn, don't- (Finn stabs Klaus in the hand with the dagger. Klaus turns to run away and stops dead in his tracks) Rebekah!
Rebekah: (stabs Klaus in the heart) This is for our mother. (Klaus stumbles back to be seized by the arms by Kol. Finn and Rebekah surround him with angry looks on their faces)
Elijah (to Stefan and Damon): You're free to go. This is family business.

Dangerous Liaisons [3.14][edit]

Elena: It's all so weird. The Originals are throwing a ball. Like, an actual ball.
Caroline: It's some twisted Cinderella fetish, is what it is. And why does the evil witch want an audience with you?
Elena: I have no idea. But there is one way to find out.

Klaus: I'm glad you came.
Caroline: Well it was either caviar or sympathy casseroles.
Klaus: I heard about your father.
Caroline: Don't. Seriously.

Elena (to Stefan): Hmm, he dances. I didn't even have to beg.

Damon: Stop staring, it's creepy.
Rebekah: Of course she looks beautiful. Nik gave her everything she's wearing.

Damon: Elena. Did you get what you want?
Elena: Actually, yes.
Damon: Good. Tell me on the ride home. We're leaving.
Elena: No. Damon, let go of me! Look, I'm sorry that I had to cut you out of the plan-
Damon: There shouldn't have been a plan. You shouldn't be here.
Elena: You think I like going behind your back? I don't. But if I hadn't asked Stefan to help, you would have tried to be the hero and you would have ruined everything.
Damon: Sorry for trying to keep you alive. Clearly Stefan doesn't give a crap anymore.
Elena: Now you're mad at me for including Stefan?
Damon: No, I'm mad at you because I love you.
Elena: Well, maybe that's the problem. (pauses) No...wait. That's not what I-
Damon: No, I got it, Elena. I care too much. I'm a liability. (scoffs) How ironic is that?

Elena: Stefan. Did you really not feel anything?
Stefan (as an answer): When?
Elena: How do you do that? Act like you don't care? Like you don't feel anything? Because I can't do that. I feel. I feel everything, and-
Stefan: Elena stop.
Elena: I'm not going to stop, Stefan. Because I don't believe that you feel nothing.
Stefan: You think I want to be this person? I hurt you, Elena. I bit you. I hate myself for what I did to you.
Elena: Then show it. Do something, Stefan - anything is better than trying to convince me that you don't care.
Stefan: I can't.
Elena: Stefan...
Stefan: If I let myself care, all I feel is pain.

Damon (to Rebekah, about Matt): Burn. Rejected by the captain of the football team. Welcome to adolescence.
Rebekah: Shut up, Damon. (pause) Knew I should've killed him. Mother wouldn't let me.
Damon: Well... Never let people tell you what to do. (downs a shot) Besides... You would've broken him in a second.

All My Children [3.15][edit]

Damon: Why do you look like someone shot a panda bear?

Kol: Out all night. What a scandal. I trust you did better than that commoner. Matt? Was it?
Rebekah: You don't shut your mouth, the next thing to come out of it is your teeth.

Elena: He was gloating, like actual gloat. Like he was proud of himself for sleeping with her. (to Caroline) Is it working?
Caroline: It's not working. I can hear every word you're saying about Damon the vampire gigolo.

Damon: Well you don't have to judge her. Just tie her up. Lock her in her room till this is over.
Alaric: Well, I wouldn't if I could, and I can't because I'm busy.
Damon: Busy doing what?
Alaric: Don't worry about it.
Damon: Are you with the sexy psycho doctor?
Alaric: Good bye Damon.

Elijah: In any case, you have until six minutes after nine to find them.
Damon: Oh, how super specific of you.

Rebekah: Do you think I want to spend what could be the last few hours of my life having idle chitchat with a girl who literally stabbed me in the back?

Damon: A) What if she's with Esther? B) What if she can't cut her off? C) I don't know how any of this stuff works. And D) Neither do you.

Rebekah: What is this?
Elena: Sorry. No vampires allowed.

Damon: So how do we know that they are going to be at the old witch house?
Stefan: We don't. But if they're not, we have about 10 minutes till Rebekah tears Elena apart.
Damon: You know, if we sit this out, Esther completes her spell, Klaus dies, you get your revenge, it's what you wanted the whole time. The only collateral damage is-
Stefan: Elena.
Damon: You know she'd choose?
Stefan: She'd let herself be killed to save her friend.
Damon: Yep.
Stefan: You know, if we do this it will wreck her.
Damon: Oh, she'll hate us. Thing is, she only has to hate one of us. Only one of us has to do the actual deed.
Stefan: So, who's it going to be, brother?
Damon: Well, heads I do it; tails you do it.
Stefan: Awful lot of effort for someone who pretends not to care about her anymore.

Elena: Are you insane?
Rebekah: I prefer spontaneous.

Damon: How long has it been since you've had a drop of human blood?
Stefan: How'd you know?
Damon: You spend 146 years with someone, you kind of start to pick up on their tells. Answer the question. How long has it been since your last drink?
Stefan: Since the night I threatened to drive Elena off the Wickery Bridge.
Damon: See. You have enough to feel guilty about. Why add to the list? By the way, you're welcome.
Stefan: You know you're not fooling anyone either. You still love her Damon.
Damon: I do. I thought I could win her from you fair and square. She didn't want me. It's for the best. I'm better at being the bad guy anyway.

Klaus: Caroline! (as he runs after her and almost gets run hit by a car)
Caroline: Are you serious? Take a hint.
Klaus: Don’t be angry, love. We had a little spat. I’m over it already.
Caroline: Ah, well, I’m not.
Klaus: How can I quit myself?
Caroline: You and your expensive jewelry and your romantic drawings can leave me alone.
Klaus: Oh, come on, take a chance, Caroline. (sits down on a bench) Talk to me. Come on, get to know me. I dare you.
Caroline: Fine. (sits down next to him) So, what do you wanna talk about?
Klaus: I want to talk about you. Your hopes, your dreams, everything you want in life.
Caroline: Just to be clear, I’m too smart to be seduced by you.
Klaus: Well, that’s why I like you.

1912 [3.16][edit]

Damon: Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie will haunt me forever.
Stefan: What do you want?
Damon: I was hoping we could hang. You know, a little brother bonding. I know we don't actually "hang out", we team up. We join forces, activate our wonder twin powers.
Stefan: What are you doing?
Damon: Digging up clues. Most of the Originals are gone, but now we have a Whodunit in town. Hey, do you remember when we came back for Zachariah's funeral?
Stefan: Vaguely, why?
Damon: Cause memory serves, he wasn't the first founders council member killed that year. Or even that month.
Stefan: Your point being?
Damon: I'm trying to remember what year it was.
Stefan: 1912.
Damon: So much for vaguely. 1912. Or as I like to call it, last time Mystic Falls had a serial killer on its hands.

(1912 flashback)
Damon: Have you been eating the relatives again?

Elena: Just say it.
Matt: I just don't get it. Your thing with them.
Elena: I know it doesn't make sense. But at the beginning, after my parents died, there was something about being with Stefan that just, felt safe.
Matt: Safe? Elena, he's a vampire.
Elena: I know. Believe me, just saying it out loud, sounds crazy. But- It's like I knew that he would never, stop loving me. Like he would never-
Matt: What?
Elena: Die. Like he would never die.
Matt: Like your parents did. And Damon?
Elena: Damon just, sort of snuck up on me. He got under my skin and no matter what I do, I just, I can't shake him.
Matt: Once you fall in love with someone, I don't know, I don't know if you can ever shake them.

Break On Through [3.17][edit]

Damon: I didn't let him do anything. If you want to get nit-picky about it, I made him.
Elena: Why would you do that?
Damon: Because we're vampires, Elena. We need human blood to survive. We're predators, not puppies.
Elena: Well, Stefan found a way around it before.
Damon: Stefan has built himself a delusional wagon which he's repeatedly fallen off of.

Alaric: Tell me again, why are we here?
Damon: Ric, the world can't stop turning just because you're an accidental psycho killer.
Meredith: Do you have any tact? Whatsoever?

Sage: Please don't tell me you and Rebekah are friends.
Damon: Not unless you count hate sex.

Meredith: I really don't think you should be looking through that stuff.
Alaric: Well, it's the truth. Restraining orders and all. My life is a series of police reports.
Meredith: You don't strike me as an angry guy, which sounds weird given everything, but- you don't.
Alaric: Yeah, well I was stupid when I was younger. It's not like these guys didn't have it coming. I mean, this guy here, broke a beer bottle over a bartender's head. This guy, hit his girlfriend. And this guy, okay, this guy was just a douche. Everyone needs to find a way to deal with their dark side. Some people meditate, I became a vampire hunter.
Meredith: Semi-retired.

Damon: Now unless you are interested in a Sage/Rebekah sex sandwich, I suggest you make yourself scarce.

Bonnie: Who are you again?
Jamie: The guy who lives out back, you know. The one you're not related to.
Bonnie: Right.
Jamie: Caroline and I had a little talk.
Bonnie: Sounds like code for Caroline lectured you.
Jamie: Maybe, but I needed it.

Rebekah: I stole it from Nik, who stole it from a queen. Not sure which one.

Alaric: What the hell are you doing here?
Damon: Just making sure the witch didn't turn you into a toad, or a block of salt.

Caroline: Well, when Bonnie gets back, she can snap her fingers or wave her hands or whatever, and make the herbs bloom.

The Murder of One [3.18][edit]

Damon: Morning, sunshine.
Elena: Hey. How's Alaric?
Damon: Indecent, but fine.
Elena: Does that mean there were no issues last night?
Damon: Nope, slept like a baby, woke up Alaric, no headlines about dead council members.
Elena: Then why do I feel like you're hiding something from me?
Damon: Well, maybe because you're being paranoid and control freaky. What'd you bring me? Ooh, chocolate muffins. You know what they say, the way to a psycho killer's heart is through his stomach.
Elena: They're not for you.
Damon: Fine. Keep convincing yourself that you're still mad at me. But sadly, Ric is gonna have to miss Elena time today. You know, lockdown and all.
Elena: Just, take it to him and tell him I miss him, okay?

Damon: We use the quarterback to distract her. Just keep her talking.
Matt: How?
Damon: Act interested. She's lonely, desperate.
Caroline: Clearly, she slept with you.

Damon: No last minute attacks of pity for any of them.
Elena: Don't worry about me. Not after what happened to Bonnie's mom.
Damon: Barbie?
Caroline: Oh, Im ready. Anything that will free Tyler of his sire bond to Klaus.
Damon: Lost boy?
Matt: Do I have a choice?
Damon: Good point.

Alaric: I mean did you learn nothing from the moonstone in the soap dish?

Klaus: I wouldn't let it bother you, love.
Bonnie: Well, it does bother me. You bother me.

Caroline: I miss well-adjusted Stefan.

Rebekah: Nik, he's my play thing, not yours.

Rebeka: The Salvatore's may fight like dogs but in the end, they would die for each other. At least they know what family means. You destroyed ours.
Klaus: I wanted a family. They just didn't want me. And now, we're unlinked. We're no longer responsible for each other.

Elena: You haven't said much since you got home.
Stefan: Ill be a ball of sunshine once Damon get Alarik's stake back. Promise.

Damon: Are you telling me that your vampire hating alter-ego has a stake that can kill an entire line of vampires, possibly mine?

Heart of Darkness [3.19][edit]

Elena: Well, you still need the basics. Toothbrush. Clothes. Some boring books to help you sleep.
Alaric: "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"?
Elena: What? No, I grabbed-- (reads book title and sighs) Damon. He thinks he's hilarious.
Alaric: Well, at least one of us has a sense of humor.

Alaric: What's Klaus gonna do if he can't find it?
Elena: It's the only thing that can kill him, so...wage war, murder people...you know, Klaus stuff.

Damon: I like that confidence, Stefan. I don't share it, but I like it.
Stefan: You know they're going to do what it takes?
Damon: Well, your good Stefan again; your under control. Sorry, you might get the girl, but you lose the edge. Speaking of...

Stefan: Look, Elena needed to go on that road trip with Damon. No matter what I go through to get her back: fighting my blood-lust, trying to gain control of my life again; none of that matters if she has feelings for someone else.

Damon: Next time we compel him, remind me to make him better at baseball.

Jeremy: Fine. Can we talk about this later? My friend just got here, and yes Damon, I actually have some.

Jeremy: So where are we?
Damon: The corner of somewhere and nowhere where Kol can't find us.
Jeremy: I can't believe Kol was a vampire.
Damon: Well, didn't you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?
Elena: Not helping.

Damon: Come on Rose, you're not actually gonna make us wait, are you? I know you're obsessed with me.
Jeremy: Alright, uh, tell me something about her.
Damon: Well, she did this little thing with her tongue...
Elena: Something that matters, Damon.
Damon: She spent her last day in paradise. Soaking in the sun, reminiscing about what it means to be human. And when death came, she didn't fear it.
Elena: I was with her on her and last and she definitely wasn't in paradise.
Jeremy: It was in the dream he gave her. She's here.

Damon: Is [Rose] still hot?
Rose: Tell him he's still dripping with sex, too. [Jeremy gives her a look] Fine, tell him I miss him.
Jeremy: She misses you.
Rose: And tell him that I'm rooting for him and Elena.
Jeremy: [looks confused] She uh, she misses both of you.

Tyler: You have no idea how much I've missed you

Alaric: Who knows. Maybe his alter ego is some pot-smoking, hippie pacifist.

Caroline: Right now, Damon is desperate to figure out which Original created our vampire blood-line. And if he finds out it wasn't Klaus, they're all going to kill him.
Tyler: But Klaus turned me. So if he dies, I die.
Caroline: I know that, they know that. The difference is, Damon doesn't care.

Elena: You never told me about that. What you did for Rose.
Damon: It wasn't about you.
Elena: Why don't you let people see the good in you?
Damon: Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations.
[He takes her hand. Elena, feeling overwhelmed, gets up and leaves the room. She hears him follow her outside.]
Elena: Don't.
Damon: Why not? Elena...
[She looks conflicted for a moment before giving in, turning around and kissing him.]

Elena: [to Jeremy] Wait here.
Jeremy: Why, so you guys can make out some more?
Damon: Don't be a dick. Listen to your sister.

Elena: Who is this Mary person?
Damon: Scary Mary. Really old. Super creepy.
Elena: And how do you know her?
Damon: You know...
Elena: Of course.
Damon: What? I said creepy. Not ugly.

Alaric: (Alaric's alter ego) Look at you. One of nature's most hideous creatures, and you can't even get that right.

Stefan: I've been fighting that part of myself. Thinking that if I repress it, it would go away, but it won't. But now that I've excepted it, it can't control me. And neither can you. So unless your going to stake me, why don't you get the hell out of my house.

Damon: What are you doing?
Elena: What do you mean?
Damon: Well, this trip, and you kissing me. What the hell is this?
Elena: Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you.
Damon: Do you?
Elena: I don't - I don't - I don't know.
Damon: Hmm. I guess you thought this little trip could help you figure that out, didn't you? Or maybe you were hoping I'll screw it up so I could just make the decision for you, am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Elena: It's what you do, Damon! You sabotage things. When I think about it, every time there's a bump in the road, you lash out!
Damon: What if I didn't? What if there was no bump? I'm sorry, Elena, but this time I'm not going to make it so easy for you. This time you'll have to figure it out for yourself.

Rose: They had a fight. I know you want to stop it. Protect her from it. But you're young, you don't see what I see. It's not just that she makes him a better person. And she does, but ... he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different. His love is pure. He'll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst.

Do Not Go Gentle [3.20][edit]

Caroline: [talking about Jeremy being stressed out] Are you sure it had nothing to do with witnessing you and Damon getting hot and heavy in a skeevy motel?
Elena: I didn't tell you that so you could torture me with it.
Caroline: Ah, what are friends for?

Caroline: So, why don't you ask Stefan [to the dance]?
Elena: I can't ask him on a date. I just made out with his brother.
Caroline: All the more reason. Look, you're supposed to be figuring out what you want. That's what Stefan wanted you to do, right?
Elena: Yeah, but-
Caroline: But nothing! I've watched The Bachelor, okay? Fair is fair. It's Stefan's turn.

Elena: Getting out of bed is dangerous these days. But we have to live our lives.
Stefan: Hmm, who gave you that horrible advice?
Elena: Some guy I use to date said it once or twice

Tyler: What's he gonna do? Draw you another picture?

Jeremy: Yeah, I know all about Alaric. When my sister stops hanging around vampires, I'll take it off.

Jamie: Your friends seem pretty cool.
Bonnie: They're the most important thing in the world to me.
Jamie: Though, you got to admit. The whole circle of people, it's kind of crazy. I mean, there is vampire, werewolves...ex-boyfriends with magic rings?

Damon: Sorry to spoil your seven minutes in Heaven.

Ester: Vampires took everything from him. Now, he's getting his vengeance.

Klaus: Where have you been, mate?
Tyler: I just got back in town.
Klaus: That's funny. I don't recall giving you permission to leave in the first place.

Caroline: Why do you always have to prove you're the alpha male?
Klaus: I don't have to prove anything, love. I am the alpha male.

Klaus: You would have loved the 1920's, Caroline. Girls were reckless,sexy, fun. And literally use to dance until they dropped.
Caroline: I don't suppose that ever happened to their dance partners.

Klaus: What is this?
Stefan: Your mother's back.

Stefan: Aw, don't be stupid Klaus. Bonnie doesn't give a damn about us. The only reason she's helping is to save Caroline and Tyler. You start killing the people she cares about, she'll tell us all to go to hell.

Damon: Your still mad at me for what happened to Abby. Let me apologize. I'm sorry Elijah forced us to turn you mother into a vampire to save Elana's life. Didn't exactly have a choice.
Bonnie: There's always a choice. When ever you make one, some one else suffers.
Klaus: Let's cut the dramatics and begin, shall we?

Tyler: Klaus could get killed. And I die along with him.
Stefan: No one's gonna die, ok?

Caroline: Tyler, it doesn't matter how many times I dance with him. I love you.

Klaus: Well, there were moments, real friendship. Brotherhood.
Damon: Oh, he already has a brother. Not to be, you know, territorial or anything.
Klaus: Oh, no, of course. The Salvatore brothers and their unshakable bond. I wonder what will happpen when Elena finally makes her choice. Will we see you shake, just a little bit?

Stefan: We can handle this later, you know.
Elena: No, I rather it over with now before some janitor comes to clean out Alaric's stuff and realizes the history teacher was a vampire slayer.

Stefan: After I bit you I never wanted to feel anything again. But someone kept telling me that it was okay to feel. No matter how much it hurt. That our emotions are what make us human, good or bad. To never lose hope.
Elena: Who gave you that horrible advice?
Stefan: Some girl I use to date.
Elena: I don't have anyone anymore.
Stefan: You have me.

Damon: Apparently my choices have been a bit controversial lately.

Alaric: Is this the part where you give me a dream? Rainbows and rolling green hills?
Damon: I was drunk when I told you that.

Damon: Sorry I killed you. Twice.
Alaric: So I have to actually die to get a real apology out of you.

Before Sunset [3.21][edit]

Rebekah: You're supposed to be dead!
Alaric: I am.

Alaric: How many times do I have to tell you, Elena? Stop trusting vampires!

Klaus: (catching Caroline in the hall after she escapes Alaric) It’s okay, you’re safe. We’ll save Elena. You go straight home. You stay inside, do you understand?

Elena: (to Alaric) There’s a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn’t there? She didn’t want you to be immortal, so she tied your life to a human one. Mine. That way you have only one life span to kill all vampires and then you’ll be gone. So when I die, you die too.

Stefan: What do you mean he turned? I thought you were standing guard.
Damon: Don't blame me! Blame Bonnie the blood bank.

Klaus: That's why I'm here. I'm leaving town. Just need to pick up a few road trip necessities. Spare tire, flashlight... doppelganger.

Klaus: Think you're probably going to want to let me in.

Damon: (to Bonnie and Jeremy after Klaus throws a piece of a wooden fence) Get down! (to Klaus) Missed me! (after Klaus throws another piece) Missed me again!

Klaus: You know, if this does go off and we drop the history teacher in the Atlantic,I'm still leaving with Elena.
Stefan: I'll go with you.
Klaus: Really. What's the catch?
Stefan: There's no catch. I turn my back on everything here to make sure Elena's safe.
Klaus: That is what makes you her better option.

Damon: (about Abby) I'm sorry. I forgot about her stellar record in the dependability department.

Abby: Why didn't I have to be invited in?
Bonnie: Only vampires live here.
Damon: We'd signed over the deed to Elena, but she died and the seal broke. And... it's a very long story. Blood?

Abby: It's too dangerous. Your magic comes from the earth. It's pure. This spell asks you to tap into dark places. Places of temptation. Places you can't handle.
Bonnie: You turned your back on me for 16 years. You have no idea what I can handle.
Damon: Got to say I'm team Bonnie on this one. How hard can it be to parch a vampire?

Abby: To stop a vampire's heart, you need to find a balance among the living. Can you handle that?
Damon: What? What does that mean? Bonnie, I don't speak witch.
Bonnie: I have to stop a human heart.

Klaus: Before we all walk through these doors lets get on the same page, shall we? I created your vampire bloodline, therefor I am responsible for your lives. And Tyler"s life, Caroline's life. And of course, Abby's life. Should anything go wrong.
Damon: Or your just lying t o save your ass.
Klaus: I'm not lying. But go ahead, call my bluff--let the teacher kill me, You'll all be dead soon thereafter.

Alaric: (About Caroline) She's a murderer. She told me she killed someone and liked it.

Elena: (holding a knife to her throat) Stop! Let him go or I'll kill myself.
Alaric: Put it down.
Elena: Why? Because you still need me alive? There's a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn't there? She didn't want you to be immortal. So she tied your life to a human one--mine. That way, you only have one lifespan to kill all vampires, and then you'll be gone. So when I die, you die, too. That's it! It has to be.
Alaric: You're wrong.
Elena: Am I?

Alaric: Klaus is going to kill Elena.
Damon: What?
Stefan: What are you talking about? Klaus needs Elena's blood to make hybrids. She's the last person that he'd kill.
Alaric: The witch bound my life to Elena's. If she dies, I die. Klaus figured that out, and now he's taken her. Now I'm trapped here until the sun goes down, so you two better get to what you do best-- saving Elena's life.

Elena: What about your hybrids? You'll need more than this to create your army?
Klaus: These last few liters will have to suffice. You see... by attempting to kill us, my mother strengthened the bond between my siblings and I. I don't need hybrids. I have my family.
Elena: If you believe that, why take my blood at all? [pause] You want a back-up family. You know that your siblings will never trust you again.
Klaus: You know Stefan blames me for trying to tear him from his brother? But I think we both know who really came between them. You. That's why you won't choose. You know once you pick a Salvatore, you'll destroy their bond. Consider this me doing you a favor. Once you're dead, you won't have to choose. No broken hearts. Their family stays intact. But just between us girls, who would you have picked?
Elena: Rot in hell.
Klaus: Hm. You're welcome.

Klaus: So much for that sire bond.
Tyler: I'm not you're little bitch anymore.

Stefan: What?
Damon: How many desiccated hybrids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Stefan: You're in a good mood.
Damon: Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Klaus is dead, my brother is halfway to sane--again. Give or take an immortal hunter that wants to kill us. We won, Stefan. Come on, say it. Say it! We won.
Stefan: (dryly) We won.
Damon: Once more, with feeling!
Stefan: (more forcefully) We won.

Elena: Mom and Dad were right. Alaric should just kill all the vampires and put an end to all of this. But then that means that Caroline dies. And Bonnie loses her mom. The Mayor loses her son. And I lose Stefan and Damon. So if it makes me the bad guy for wanting to keep those people alive, then fine. I'll be the bad guy.
Jeremy: You're forgetting that Alaric never wanted any of this. Once he carries out his plan, what if he doesn't want to live anymore? And he kills his human connection to end his life. That would mean I would lose you. I'm not going to let that happen.

The Departed [3.22][edit]

Damon: You did what?
Jeremy: I took her to the hospital. When you find your sister unconscious, you call 9-1-1.
Damon: Not when you have a parade of vampires at your disposal.

Damon: Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on Earth?

Damon: Our life is one big proverbial coin toss.

Caroline: Now what can I get you? Do you want some tea? Maybe some vodka? Both will help you sleep. [Elena sighs] I know. I'm being smothering. It's what I do.
Elena: (chuckles) No. It's..it's nice.
Caroline: (chuckles) I'm thinking... maybe tea with vodka

(flashback)
Bonnie: You didn't say it back.
Elena: What?
Bonnie: You know what. You can't string him along, Elena. If you're not into it anymore, just...tell him.

Elena: I'm sorry that I strung you along. I should have figured out what I wanted, and just been honest about it. And now I'm making the same mistakes with Stefan and Damon. It's not right, what I'm doing to them, either. I--I have to let one of them go.
Matt: Which one?

Matt: Why should she help you? All you've done is screw her over.
Elijah: And for that I am deeply ashamed. But know this--she could have been dead the instant I walked through that door tonight. So, Elena, I leave it to you to decide whether to trust me or not.
Damon (over the phone,yelling): NOT! Hellooo! Did that concussion give you brain damage?! His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get!
Elijah: Rebekah and Kol will honor the terms. If you return Klaus’ body to us, Elena will come to no harm.

Damon: I'm not halfway out of Virginia and Elena sells our souls to the Originals?
Bonnie: It's her call.
Damon: You know what else is her call? Everything bad ever.
Bonnie: Where's the body? As long as it's unspoiled, Alaric is one witch away from finding him.
Damon: Hidden. I was going to use Unit 666, but I figured that would be a little obvious. So... 1020. Mini fridge, a couple of bird cages, box full of Playboys. One beef jerkified Original.

Damon: Bonnie just left. Rebekah should be here soon to pick up the body.
Stefan: I got Caroline and Elijah in place. Jeremy's gonna lead Alaric to us.
Damon: You just had to let her make the choice, didn't you?
Stefan: What would you have done, Damon?
Damon: Grabbed her, gagged her, thrown her in a well. I don't know, anything other than let her trust Elijah!
Stefan: (chuckles) You know she'd just hate you for it, right?
Damon: Yet she'd be alive and she'd hate me. Thus the eternal difference between you and me, brother

Damon (to whom he thinks is Rebekah): It's about time, sexy-bex.

Damon (to Stefan): Call me if you cough up a lung.

Elena: We have to go back. Listen to me, Matt. If Klaus is the one that turned their bloodline, then they're all gonna die. (shouting) We have to go back, Matt!
Matt: Elena...
Elena: What?
Matt: Damon's not with them.
Elena: ...What?
Matt: He's a hundred miles out of town. I can keep driving to him, or I can turn around and go back to Stefan. It's your choice.

Damon: Since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question?
Elena: Yeah, of course.
Damon: If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice on who got the good-bye... who would it be?
Elena: I love him, Damon. He came into my life at a time when I needed someone, and I fell for him instantly. And no matter what I feel for you, I...I never un-fell for him.
Damon: Hey, I get it. It's Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan.
Elena: I can't think about 'always'. All I can think about is right now. And I care about you, Damon. Which is why I have to let you go. (crying) I mean, maybe if you and I had...met first...
Damon: Maybe...

(flashback)
Damon: (turns from looking at the stars when he hears Elena's voice in the distance)
Elena (talking on the phone): I know, Bonnie - you're right. You and my mom both are. I just can't bring myself to tell him. At least not tonight. I'll call you later. (hangs up)
Damon (under the impression that Elena is Katherine): Katherine.
Elena: Um...no. I- I'm Elena.
Damon: Oh. You- you just look... I'm sorry. You just...really remind me of someone. I'm Damon.
Elena: Not to be rude or anything, Damon, but it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere.
Damon: You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself.
Elena: It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad ever happens here. (pauses, then gestures to her phone) I got into a fight with my boyfriend.
Damon: 'Bout what, may I ask?
Elena: Life; the future. He's got it all mapped out.
Damon: And you don't want it?
Elena: I don't know what I want.
Damon: Well, that's not true. You want what everybody wants.
Elena: What? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?
Damon: Hmm. Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things.
Elena: So, Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?
Damon:You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even little danger.
Elena: So...what do you want?
Damon: Ah... (horn honks in the distance; Elena looks)
Elena: That's my parents. (turns back to Damon)
Damon: I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now I want you to forget that this happened. I can't have people knowing I'm in town yet. Good night, Elena.

Damon: Where is she?
Meredith: Damon-
Damon: Where is she?
Meredith: Wait! (stops him) You need to know, when Jeremy brought Elena in here earlier tonight, her injuries were worse than I let on. It wasn’t a concussion. It was a cerebral hemorrhage - bleeding on the brain.
Damon: What are you saying?
Meredith: He was so worried, I didn’t want to tell him. But I helped her. She needed my help.
Damon (realizing what she means): You what?

Season 4[edit]

Growing Pains [4.01][edit]

Stefan: You were in an accident.
Elena: Oh, my god. Matt, is he--
Damon: Alive? Ask Stefan, the hero.
Stefan: He's fine.
Elena: Thank you. I thought that I-- how did you...
Damon: Save you? He didn't.

Damon: We all know the drill-- you feed or you die. There is no door number three.
Elena: I was ready to die. I was supposed to die, I don't-- I don't want-- I can't be a vampire!

Damon: Your choice, Elena. As always.

Damon: Way to get her hopes up for something that's never happened in the history of vampirism.

Damon: And now that world has one more quarterback. Bravo, brother.
Stefan: I made a choice that I will regret for the rest of my life. Now let me try to fix it.

Jeremy: I need my sister. Not another one of them.

(Elena takes a bite of a sandwich)
Stefan: It's disgusting.
Elena: No, it's, um...
Stefan: It's disgusting.
Elena: Yeah, I'm going to puke. (gags and coughs). I never thought I'd be saying this, but I can't stop thinking about blood.

Elena: Stefan, listen to me. You did the right thing. You did what you always do-- you respected my choice.
Stefan: And what am I supposed to do if Bonnie can't figure out a way to help you, huh? Because then you'll have another choice to make-- either to let yourself die or become a vampire.
Elena: Well, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. (Chuckles) Oh, my god. Did-- Did I just say "cross that bridge"? (Laughing)
Stefan: You're laughing. I'm pretty sure you don't actually think that's funny.
Elena: (laughing) I... I can't stop, though.
Stefan: Your emotions are a bit heightened today. (Elena continues laughing) A lot heightened. (Elena starts gasping) Hey. (Elena starts sobbing) Shh. It's ok.
Elena: I'm sorry. I--
Stefan: Listen to me. No matter what happens, I'm here for you. I can help you.

Rebekah:You should know better than to sneak up on a lady.
Damon: Good advice. Have you seen one?
Rebekah: Tragic about Elena. Not to make a gray cloud grayer, but does Matt even have automobile insurance?

Klaus (in Tyler's body): Ah, you incessant woman. (As Tyler) Hey mom, what's up?

Elena: Where's Stefan?
Pastor Young: Where he can't hurt you.
Elena: He would never hurt me. You have no idea what you're talking about.
Young: Well, I know that where you go, Salvatore vampires seem to follow.

Klaus (In Tyler's body): Easy, Love. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong equipment.
Caroline: You're miraculously alive. We're fugitives on the run. All signs point to hot hybrid vampire sex. (Kissing) Did you just call me "love"?
Klaus: I don't know, Love. Did I?
Caroline: What the hell did you do to Tyler?
Klaus: That's what I enjoy about you. So much more than a pretty face.
Caroline: Oh, my god. You're Klaus! You're disgusting!
Klaus: And you're a glorious kisser. (Caroline socks him) Listen... I didn't have to risk exposure to come save you.
Caroline: Oh, you do one semi-decent thing and now you're my hero? Ugh! I need to go sanitize my mouth.
Klaus: Your mouth was all over me. I was an innocent victim.

Rebekah: I thought I killed you.

Rebekah: Ah. I see what's going on here. You died with vampire blood in your system, and you didn't feed and now you're locked up in here without a drop of human blood in sight. That is a problem.
Stefan: Just ignore her.
Rebekah: Has anyone done the math or shall I? Let's say you've got less than three hours to feed before I get to watch you die all over again. My day just got a whole lot better.

Stefan: Damon was right. You should have fed this morning. I'm so sorry.
Elena: Don't be. You had hope. That's all I ever wanted you to have. And you had it.
Stefan: I love you so much.
Elena: Do you even know why I was on that bridge? I was coming back for you, Stefan. I had to choose. I picked you. Because I love you. No matter what happens, it's the best choice I ever made. I'm so sad I can't see you right now.
Stefan: (crying, not smiling) I'm smiling.
Elena: (also not smiling) Me too.

Matt: So what? We just storm the place with zero weapons?
Damon: Nah, we don't need weapons. Just bait. (lunges for Matt's throat). Yoo-hoo, anybody home? Big bad vampire out here.

Grams: (only Bonnie can see her) I warned you child. I warned you to stay away.
Jeremy: Bonnie, it works. Stop.
Bonnie: (to Grams) What's happening? Let me go.
Grams: I can't.
Bonnie: Let me go!
Caroline: Bonnie, what's happening?
Bonnie: Why can't I let go?
Jeremy: Bonnie, stop the spell.
Grams: You made your choice. Now they're taking it out on me.
Bonnie: I'm sorry Grams. (to the spirits) Please! Don't do this to her! (Grams is desiccating)
Caroline: Bonnie, stop.
Bonnie: No. No! NO! (Grams vanishes) What have I done? What'd I do?

Elena: (in full vampire mode, to Damon about Matt) Leave him alone!

Matt: Just stop. Stop saving me.
Stefan: The hell's wrong with you?
Matt: What do you want me to say? Thank you? 'Cause honestly, you should have just let me drown.
Stefan: What? You think you were my first choice?
Matt: Elena's a vampire, because of me. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Stefan: No, no. You don't have to live with that. You get to live with that. Because Elena put your life before her own. So every morning you get out of bed, you sure as hell better earn it.

Elena: I remember everything. One of the highlights of my transition; remembering everything that you compelled me to forget. Like you and I met first. You're a stranger and told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?
Damon: Would it have made a difference? (pause) Didn't think so.
Elena: You asked me to make a choice, Damon. And so I did. If you're going to be mad, then take it out on me. Not Stefan, or Matt, or anyone else. Me.
Damon: Are we done here?
Elena: If it had been you at the bridge last night and not Stefan, and I begged you...
Damon: I would have saved you. In a heartbeat. No question.
Elena: What I thought. And then Matt would be dead, because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead.
Damon: But you wouldn't be. And you would have gotten to grow up. Live the life you wanted, the life you deserve. And I know that I didn't use to get that. But I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena. And I would have gladly given it to you and let Matt die. Because I am that selfish. But you knew that already. First night we met's not the only thing you remember.

Rebekah: How dare you save Caroline over me.
Klaus (in his own body): Hello, Brother. I thought you were dead. So pleased you're not.
Rebekah: You left me.
Klaus: I only had time to save one of you and you can't be killed. Rest assured I had a worse day than you. I think it's time for us to move on. And find some more werewolves.
Rebekah: So you can create your hybrid family? You don't know anything about family.
Klaus: I know how easily they can be silenced with a dagger. (Rebekah grabs a bag of Elena's blood and throws it against a wall, then grabs the remaining two) NO! Drop them.
Rebekah: I mourned you! My heart broke thinking I'd never see you again.
Klaus: Put the blood down, Rebekah. That's a good girl.
Rebekah: It's always been me. It's always been me. Not Finn, nor Elijiah, or Kol. Me. I loved you through everything and you don't even care.
Klaus: DROP IT!
Rebekah: You want your family? (squeezes the bags until they burst) Here's your family!
Klaus: (grabs Rebekah by the throat) You know something, Rebekah? You're right. I don't care. From this moment on, you're not my family. You're not my sister. You are nothing.

Elena: You don't have to convince me that everything's going to be okay.
Stefan: I know. Wish I could though. Wish I could just tell you that you never feel pain. That you'll never crave blood. But you will. It will be the worst thing you ever lived through.
Elena: But I'll get to live. I'll be a sister, and a friend, and I'll be with you. Forever, if I want. (kisses Stefan) I'm going to get through this. Just like we get through everything. One day at a time.

Memorial [4.02][edit]

Damon: You're making a big mistake.
Stefan: No, I'm not. If I can get Elena use to animal blood right out of the gate..
Damon: You're reaching.
Stefan: Maybe she'd be able to bypass all the things we went through.
Damon: Delusional.
Stefan: Maybe she actually has a shot at this.
Damon: Wrong. You're just wrong, Stefan.

Elena: I was a cheerleader. I suck at track.
Stefan: Just concentrate, kay.
Elena: I can't. All I can think about is your hands on my body.
Stefan: Okay. (removes hands from her waist)
Elena: (replaces his hands) No, no, no. I didn't say take them off. It feels good.

Damon: Seriously. Stop looking at me like that, Liz. If I was going to kill 12 people, I wouldn't blow them up; I'd have a dinner party.

Stefan: (on what they are celebrating) You're alive-ish.

Elena: Did you do it?
Damon: That seat's taken.
Elena: But there's no one here.
Damon: Well, I'm just gonna pretend someone's there because the alternative is just too damn depressing.
Elena: (after walking around the the other empty seat) Did you set off the explosion that killed the town counsel?
Damon: Am I wearing my "I blew up the counsel" t-shirt? Why does everyone keep asking me that?

Caroline: This is wrong. A bunch of people just died and we're having sex.
Tyler: Grief sex. It's healthy.

Stefan: Bonnie. Bonnie, I know you're in there. I can hear you breathing.

Damon: And the scenery is to die for. Ah. Funeral pun. Too soon. Sorry.

Damon: She can't even keep my blood down.
Stefan: She drank from you?
Damon: Oops. Did I just say that out loud?

Caroline: (about Conner) Also, if he shows his face, I'm gonna kick his ass.

Tyler: I'm going to kill that bastard.

(Stefan punches Damon)
Damon: What was that for?
Stefan: You know what.

Damon: They're floating lanterns in the sky. Can you believe that? Japanese lanterns as a symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a newsflash: we're not Japanese! You know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle's going to make everything ok. Or even singing a prayer, or pretending Elena's not going to end up like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. And I know what you're going to say: "Makes them feel better Damon". So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make for the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody you cared about use to be. And a rock. With a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong. So, thanks, friend. You would leave me here to babysit. 'Cause I should be long gone by now. I didn't get the girl. Remember? I'm just stuck here fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big.
Alaric: (as a ghost) I miss you too, buddy.

The Rager [4.03][edit]

Damon: Good day for a midlife crisis. 164 years, I'd say you're due.

Damon: That hunter jacked Tyler Lockwood of his werewolf venom last night. So basically he's got vampire poison in a bottle. And I'm going to find him, and I'm going to eat him.

Elena: I hate her. I didn't think I was capable of hate, but I hate her. And I hate that I hate her.

Stefan: How about we just leave the murdering to Damon.
Elena: And then do what? Ignore her to death?

Caroline: You're good at this, you know that. You saved my vampire life, now you're saving hers. You should write a book. Go on The View.

Tyler: Haley?
Haley: Hey, Lockwolf.

Meredith: Tell me that is not a bomb.
Damon: Ok. It's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten.
Meredith: Why didn't you call your brother?
Damon: Because I'm proud and stubborn and, oh, look. You're already here. Come on, you're not going to get hurt. All I need you to do is be doctorly, and cut out the arrow. I'd do it myself but if I move (tugs on one of the strings, then mimics an explosion).

Meredith: You are a good brother.
Damon: I'm the bad brother.
Meredith: You're strung up to a bomb while Stefan plays vampire with the girl who broke your heart. But you are doing a very good job of acting like it doesn't suck.

(Damon starts undressing)
Elena: You know he was in my school today?
Damon: Yep. Jeremy told me.
Elena: Why were you talking to Jeremy?
Damon: Don't worry about it.
Elena: Damon, don't bring him into this.
Damon: Cherish the thought he might actually be useful, Elena. (starts to unzip his jeans) You staying for the show, or... (unbuttons jeans)
Elena: (leaving) I'm finding that stake.

Stefan: (At Rebekah's new house/anti-curfew party) Wow. We didn't have to be invited in. Wonder who use to live here.
Elena: Or who died here.

Caroline: I ditched Rebekah's ditching party. (Kisses Tyler, then notices Klaus's bodyguards for Tyler) What's with all the testosterone?
Tyler: Hybrids. I'm on house arrest.
Caroline: Says who? Your mom? Come on, let's sneak out.
Tyler: Ah, not my mom, Caroline...
Caroline: You're kidding me. Klaus?

Klaus: You're a new face.
Haley: And I take it from your accent, you're an old one. Klaus.
Klaus: My reputation precedes me. Hopefully not all bad.
Haley: A little bad. Mostly repulsive.
Klaus: So you're a friend of Tyler's. Strange he's never mentioned you.

April: You know you use to read me bed time stories.
Elena: And now I'm giving you beer. Sounds about right.

Stefan: (about the final remaining white oak stake) Damon give that to you?
Elena: Yes. Reluctantly. Stefan, she's-- she's not going to stop. She's just going to keep pushing and pushing.
Stefan: Well if you want to kill her, I'm not going to stop you. But see, here's what will happen. It will feel really good for about ten seconds. And then after that, tens of thousands of vampires all over the world will start to die. Every vampire she ever turned will die. See, rage is a really powerful feeling. But guilt... take it from me. It will destroy you. So. You can either go after her or you can get on the back of my motorcycle. And we can get the hell out of here.

Klaus: She's quite fetching that Haley.
Tyler: Where is she?
Klaus: Oh, she had to run, but don't worry I had her take the back door so Caroline wouldn't see.
Tyler: Whatever you think you know--
Klaus: I don't know anything. But I've put together a pretty convincing picture. Why don't you tell me where my imagination deviates from the reality. You went off to the Appalachians to break my sire bond. There you met a pack of werewolves, begged them for help. And among them was a girl. She was gorgeous. With the same animal instincts as you. Emotions ran high, inhibitions ran low--
Tyler: Stop it.
Klaus: Then, in a moment of weakness, the thick sexual tension became something much more real.
Tyler: I said stop!
Klaus: And Caroline has no idea.

Connor: Is the hospital really the best place for a germaphobe?
Damon: Did I say that I was a germaphobe? Pfft. Sorry. I meant vampire.

Matt: You don't look so hot.
Rebekah: Whatever it is, it's not the white oak stake, so it can't kill me. Surprised you came to my party.
Matt: Well I thought about it. You explained why you ran me off the bridge, so the least I can do is explain how I feel. Truth is, Rebekah, I think you're amazing. You've had a thousand years to learn, to grow and to start fresh. And somehow, you've managed to throw it all away. Now you're alone. You're compelling your friends, your brother hates you. You whine about not finding love. The reason you don't find love, is because you don't deserve it. (Rebekah snatches out his heart, only it is a hallucination due to the werewolf venom she ingested)

Damon: Keep it up, buddy. We'll be scraping you off the ceiling.
Connor: You two are going to kill me anyway.
Klaus: Well, let's not be too hasty. I feel like we're just getting to know each other.
Damon: Start with the basics. Where are you from? What do you know? Maybe even cue me in on this greater evil, because I fought this guy (jerks thumb in Klaus's direction) and there's nothing more evil than that.
Klaus: Yeah, truth be told, I'm as evil as it gets.
Connor: I'm not telling you anything. You think that if you kill me it will be over? There's another waiting to take my place.
Damon: See, this is what I like to hear. Vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tattoos--
Klaus: (Loses his smirk) What do you mean tattoos?
Damon: Don't bother, you can't see the damn thing.
Klaus: There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? (Connor attempts to stake Klaus) Nice try. But I'm faster than your average vampire. (Takes the stake from Connor and looks at the carving on it) You're one of The Five.
Damon: The what?
Connor: And I'm faster than your average hunter. (pulls the string attached to a bomb)

(Elena is hallucinating, seeing Damon instead of Stefan)
Elena: Why am I thinking about you?
Damon: Because you're a vampire now. And part of you knows you're a lot more like me, than you are like him.

Damon: Come one, buy me a farewell drink. Talk about that the hell Klaus meant by "The Five".
Meredith: You know you're not going anywhere, Damon. And I'm not you're new partner in vampire crime. Fix things with Stefan and Elena. Don't let your pride leave you all alone.

Caroline: Hey.
Stefan: Hey. Thanks for coming.
Caroline: Not everyday that I get summoned by a Salvatore. So what's up?
Stefan: (sighs) Do you remember what you were like before you turned?
Caroline: Um, you mean an insecure control freak? (Stefan chuckles) Yeah.
Stefan: You grew into yourself when you became a vampire. You changed. And Elena, she's changing too. And I want her to be able to enjoy it. Without all the guilt and shame that I went through. And there was a moment today when she did. And when I'm with her, every bone in my body tells me to join her, to enjoy it. (pause) But I know that if I do, even a little, I risk becoming him. The Ripper. I love her. And I don't want to hold her back.
Caroline: But you don't know how to be around her and still resist that urge.
Stefan: Damon promised he'd help me stay off the edge. But, it's, ah, he and I aren't in a very good place right now. Not when it comes to her. I just thought, you're so good at it. At being a vampire.
Caroline: (scoffs) Because of you, Stefan. I'm good at it because of you. (pause) Come to me. Whenever you want. I won't let you loose control.

Elena: (after taking a little too much from Matt) What have I done?
Damon: Nothing you should be ashamed of. You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I'm going to teach you.

Connor: You saved me.
Klaus: Congratulations. You just became worth more to me alive than dead.
Connor: What...what did you mean when you said I was one of "The Five"?
Klaus: You don't know your own history. Well let's just say it's made you the most well protected vampire hunter in town.

The Five [4.04][edit]

Damon: I'm searching for a supernatural handbook.
Stefan: You know for a fact that he was supernatural?
Damon: Definitely wasn't natural. Guy magically appears just as someone blows up the entire Founders' Council, covered in tattoos that only Jeremy Gilbert, of all people in the world, seems to be able to see. Klaus mentioned something about him being one of The Five. And he kamakazis himself with explosives. Sound natural to you?
Stefan: What's The Five?
Damon: That's what I'm hoping is in the first chapter of the handbook. (phone rings) Liz Forbes, my favorite sheriff. (pause, as Liz is saying something) What? (pause again) That's concerning. (another pause) Keep me posted.

Stefan: (after shooting at Elena with a crossbow) A little slow. Almost got you.
Elena: That's why we are not using the wood ones for Hunter Defense Class.
Stefan: What about Caroline? She's a genius at self-control.
Elena: She's too good. She doesn't understand how hard it is, and you, well... I know what being around too much blood does to you, so... I can't put you through that.
Stefan: (vamp speeds behind Elena, holding the shaft of an arrow against her throat) So I guess that leaves Damon, huh?
Elena: (flips him over her shoulder, straddles him, and holds the arrow against his throat) Don't be jealous. You know I wish it could be you.
Stefan: Fine. You win.

Klaus: (after watching Rebekah attempt to give Matt a new truck) You're trying too hard.
Rebekah: Last I heard you were leaving town, forever.
Klaus: Well, I was. But, then I thought to myself, how can I when my sister, clearly so desperate for love and affection, is left here, bribing the help.
Rebekah: What do you want, Nik? Thought I was dead to you.
Klaus: Things change, Rebekah. I've stumbled upon something I think might be of interest to you.
Rebekah: Doubt that.
Klaus: No? Well, what if I told you the Brotherhood of the Five still existed?
Rebekah: (clearly shocked) What?
Klaus: You see. And like that, bygones. Come on, love. Work to do.
Rebekah: We don't have anything to do. There is no "we". I don't care about the Five. And I don't care about you.
Klaus: As you wish.

Elena: Something tells me college isn't in my future anymore.
Damon: Oh, stop with the pity party. If I can go to college, you can go to college.
Bonnie: You went to college?
Damon: Sure. Plenty of times. I always had a thing for sorority girls.
Bonnie: You're disgusting.
Damon: (whispering) I know.

Damon: (about Professor Shane) What is this guy? Witchipedia?

Klaus: Fine. You might actually be useful in getting Rebekah to cooperate. The Brotherhood of the Five was a group of highly skilled vampire hunters. We crossed paths with them in the 12th century Italy. (Flashback to 1114, voice over) My siblings and I had followed the Normans as they conquered the south. Eating, turning people as we went.
Alexander: (one of the Five) These, demons live among you. Passing as human.
Klaus: (still a voice over) But with the bloodshed came exposure.
Alexander: So witness with your own eyes... (opens a metal box to reveal a vampire, who walks into the sunlight and bursts into flames)
Elijah: He's putting on quite a show.
Klaus: He's nothing. I could eat him for sport.
Elijah: Still you should heed the warning. Between you here and Kol in the east, you have not been discrete. Stories of the original vampires is spreading.
Klaus: I welcome the infamy. But if you're worried about discretion, perhaps you should wrangle our sister. (pan to Rebekah, flirting with Alexander)
Stefan: (back to modern day) So these hunters have been around for 900 years?
Klaus: Apparently. Although our friend in the other room (Conner) is the first I've seen since then. Kind of makes you wonder what they'd been up to all these years.
Stefan: And Rebekah had a thing with one of them?
Klaus: Oh, she didn't just have a thing. She fell in love with him. He told her all his secrets, which I will gladly share with you, provided you do one thing for me.
Stefan: And what's that?
Klaus: Get Rebekah over here. She's being stubborn and hateful. I-- I need to make peace with her. I want her to give me some very important information about the hunter that she won't do unless we've made up.
Stefan: And what's in it for me?
Klaus: Just get her here and I'll tell you. Oh, and Stefan, trust me when I say this. That hunter in there holds the answers to all your prayers.

Matt: (about April and Rebekah) You two are friends?
Rebekah: What? Is it so hard to believe I have one?
Matt: Yeah. It is.

Damon: (about the frat party)So what should we go as? Victim or killers?

Klaus: Rebekah, Love. Eat your veggies.
Rebekah: I'm not eating until you apologize.
Klaus: For which indiscretion? There have been so many.
Rebekah: You broke my neck.
Klaus: You threw away Elena's blood so I can't make anymore hybrids.
Rebekah: Because you took me for granted!
Klaus: That's what big brothers do, sweetheart.
Stefan: Can I just name the million other people I'd rather be having dinner with right now?

Damon: I'm Jack and these are the two lovely ladies I just-- rippered.

Elena: I think I found one.
Damon: Roofie guy?
Elena: Mmhm.
Damon: Nice choice. Go get him.

The Killer [4.05][edit]

Elena: Dear Diary, I know it's been a while. A long while. I haven't needed... I haven't wanted to write this stuff down. But I didn't want to say it out loud either. The thing is.. I'm a vampire. And I hate it.
Stefan: (writing in journal) She's been spiraling since her transition. There are times I barely recognize her. But now, the first time in a while, there's hope.
Elena: I feel hopeless. Depressed. Angry. But most of all... I'm scared.
Stefan: Somewhere in the world, there's a cure for vampires. If I can get it, Elena can be human again. I can giver her back her life.
Elena: Part of me just wants to end it. But, then I think of Jeremy; I'm all that he has left. So I need to find a way through this. No matter what it takes.
Stefan: So that's what I need to do. No matter what Klaus asks; no matter what lies I have to tell or secrets I have to keep, I'll do it. No matter what it takes.

Klaus: You need to keep Damon in check.
Stefan: Be a lot easier if I could tell him the truth.
Klaus: You trust Damon with the cure? I imagine he prefers Elena the way she is.
Stefan: Nice try, Klaus, but I trust Damon a hell of a lot more than I trust you.
Klaus: And I trust no one. Which is why my sister is lying daggered in a box.

Elena: (after Damon walks into her bedroom) Oh. Excuse me. What are you doing?
Damon: Where's Stefan?
Elena: Okay. Ah, good morning to you too.
Damon: He's not answering his phone and he's not here. Which, you know, big deal, we've only got a killer vampire hunter on the loose.
Elena: I haven't talked to him yet today.
Damon: Hmm. Give me your phone. Maybe he's dodging me.
Elena: Why would he be dodging you?
Damon: Oh, I don't know. Maybe the hot sweaty dance party business? Figured you spilled your guilty little guts to him when I left last night. (Elena looks away) Oh, you didn't tell him, did you?
Elena: No, Damon. I didn't tell him I got high on blood like some crackhead then dirty danced with you. It was a mistake, okay? I wasn't...myself. And besides he's already got enough to deal with, trying to get me through this vampire stuff.
Damon: Oh, I see. Classic shame spiral.
Elena: I'm not in a shame spiral.
Damon: Oh you so are. Newbie vampire remorse? Whoof, it's worse than a hangover.
Elena: I'm not in a shame spiral, Damon.
(Stefan's voicemail picks up)
Damon: So either he's dodging both of us...
Elena: Or something's wrong.

Damon: Where have you been?
Stefan: Coming up with a plan.
Damon: Yeah, we have a plan. Plan is I'm going to rip Connor's heart out and feed it to him.
Stefan: That's not a plan. We need to be careful. Connor has Jeremy and who knows how many other hostages.
Damon: Hence the open heart surgery.
Elena: Damon's right. Connor's strong but he's not going to be able to take all of us.
Tyler: I called in the hybrids to help, too.
Caroline: My mom put squad cars blocking the streets. They're saying it's a faulty gas main. We're good to go.
Damon: Good. Great. No cops, no witnesses, no reason to wait around.
Stefan: Alright, hold on. We're not all going.
Tyler: He shot me like nine times. If we're going to kill him, I want in.
Elena: He's got Jeremy, I'm going.
Stefan: Listen, nobody is going anywhere until I figure out what we're walking into.
Damon: Until you figure it out? Is that where you've been all morning? Buying bossypants?

Damon: (about Matt and April) Those two idiots. They're like danger magnets.

Damon: Bang, you're dead. Now what?
Elena: (vamp speeds, grabs the gun, pins him on the bed, aims gun at his heart) Head shot's no good. It has to be the heart. So now you're dead.
Damon: (laughs) Huh. For someone who doesn't want to be like me, you sure are good at it.
Elena: My brother is the only thing that's holding me together right now, Damon. If anything happens to him...
Damon: We'll get him out. I promise.

Damon: Since when do we team up with Klaus and the lollipop guild?

Caroline: Ah, who are you?
Haley: Who the hell are you?
Caroline: Caroline.
Haley: Oh. You're Tyler's girl. Told me about you. I'm Haley.
Caroline: Well, Haley. That's pretty crazy, 'cause I haven't heard a thing about you.
Haley: Well, I've been staying here for a few days.
Caroline: Excuse me?
Haley: I needed a place to crash, Ty's a buddy, he was kind enough to offer.
Caroline: I know all of Ty's buddies and I haven't heard about you. So how about we cut out the crap?
Haley: Yeah. I don't do teen drama. Take it up with Ty. Excuse me.

Damon: (about Connor) This guy's dangerous.
Elena: SO AM I, DAMON!

Caroline appears in the doorway, Tyler and Haley are hugging
Caroline: Oh, I apologize. Am I intruding?
Tyler: Caroline, it's not like that.
Caroline: I keep waiting for you to make up some dumb story so at least I can call you a liar. Is that now?
Haley: I'll let you two talk.
Caroline: Thank you. How big of you.
Tyler: You have to understand--
Caroline: You don't tell me what I have to do. I went through hell when I thought you died. I cried like an idiot and this whole time you've been keeping a secret from me about falling for some werewolf in the Appalachians.
Tyler: I never fell for her.
Caroline: Oh, please.
Tyler: Caroline, she saved my life. I almost died trying to break the sire bond. Haley was there for me, she helped me get through it. But nothing else happened.
Caroline: Then why would Klaus think that?
Tyler: Because I'd rather him think that then know the truth. There are other hybrids that need to be set free. Haley and I can help them. But if Klaus found out about what we're trying to do... he'd kill us all.

Stefan: Is that my journal?
Damon:Had to go through six locks to get it. Needed something to back up your insanity. Did you figure out how to tell Klaus you lost a hunter and a hybrid?
Stefan: He's on a plane. Which means I get to live for another six hours.
Damon: Well, I got your back, when he comes to murder you.
Stefan: (sarcastically) Thanks. (seriously) Thanks for not saying anything to Elena.
Damon: About what? The cure that we don't have, can't find and probably doesn't exist? You're welcome.
Stefan: She doesn't need to know that she killed her chance at being human again.
Damon: Alleged chance.
Stefan: I believe him, Damon. You didn't hear Klaus' story. I believe every word he said.
Damon: Well, I'll remain skeptic for now. So what's your next move?
Stefan: He said there was a Brotherhood of the Five. Which means there are others hunters out there. Just going to keep looking until I find one.
Damon: Sure, Stefan, since you asked, I'd be happy to go one a suicide mission with you for a potentially non-existant cure. No problem.
Stefan: Yet a couple hours ago you were ready to rip my heart out.
Damon: Because you were being a pain in the ass. I just need one thing- Why do you want to cure her?
Stefan: What kind of question is that?
Damon: Legitimate one. You want a cure because she's a vampire and not cut out to be one or you can't love her if she is one?
Stefan: I'll always love her. But she's not supposed to be this person. I don't want her to be.
Damon: Well, if I'm gonna ride this fairytale to it's conclusion, I'm gonna be clear about one thing.
Stefan: What's that?
Damon: I'm fine with her either way, Brother. So, I do this, I'm doing it for you.

Elena: Dear Diary, Today I did the thing I was most afraid of. I lost control. I killed someone. I use to think that the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling is the moment that you realize...you've lost yourself.

We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes [4.06][edit]

Elena: What am I going to say to him?
Damon: Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy.

Jeremy: What happened?
Damon: Long story. Buy the e-book.

Bonnie: You lost her?
Damon: Well, "lost" is a very strong word, we just technically don't know where she is.
Stefan: I'm more worried about what Klaus said about this Hunter's Curse.

Shane: Why, you got a dead Hunter in the trunk of your car or something?
Damon: Metaphorically speaking.
Shane: Legend says that if a Hunter is killed by that which it hunts, then that person will be cursed to walk the earth and torment them till...
Bonnie: Until...
Shane: Until a new Hunter's awakened and their legacy's passed on. They're called "Potentials".

Damon: (on phone) Little Gilbert. Your services are needed.

Damon: The witch who loses her powers gets left out of important conversations.

Stefan: (on phone with Damon) Listen, you go find her, alright? Talk her down. She'll listen to you.

Damon:Elena.
Elena:Damon?Have did you find me?
Damon:It dindn't take a genius to figure that out.Third time to charmed.
Elena:You were right , Damon.Vampires kill people.Stefan was right too.I can't live with myself.
Damon:Let's just talk about this before you do something stupid.Okay?Where is your ring?Where is your ring , Elena?

Elena:Yeah, but if it wasn't for you... (grabs Damon's hand)
Damon: (sighs) I'm about to take a very... high and annoying road and tell you something. Because I know that you think Stefan's been lying to you. Which, yeah. He has. But this... rough patch that you two have been going through, it's not what you think. Everything that he's been doing, he's been doing for you. To help you. And after he kills me for telling you this, I want you to throw my ashes off of Wickery Bridge, ok? (Elena chuckles) There may be a way out of this for you, Elena. There may be a cure.

Matt: I know you don't like me.
Damon: Heh.
Matt: But I dug up some stuff about the explosion at the Young Farm that I kind of need to tell someone about. So April mentioned that her dad knew that Professor Shane guy, which wouldn't be creepy, except he had all that info about the Hunter's Curse. And we live in a town where anybody who knows stuff is creepy until proven otherwise.
Damon: You're on the verge of impressing me. Drive it home.
Matt: I got the Sheriff to dig up the Pastor's phone records. Turns out, he made like a call a day to the same number the last month he was alive. And on the day that the council got blown up at the farm, he called it ten times. The office of Atticus Shane.

Elena: (as Jeremy is lying on the couch) I can't believe this happened. What am I going to say to him?
Damon: Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy? You should have called Stefan.
Elena: I don't want to talk to him. He’s been lying to me and hiding things from me. He compelled Jeremy to forget God knows what.
Damon: In all fairness, I mean, I think you killing him kinda trumps that.

Klaus: Well, life’s full of ifs, Stefan. But let’s accentuate the positives, shall we? The hunter was one of five; we'll find another. It may take centuries, but we’ve got nothing but time, right?
Stefan: You’re using your calm voice today. Who’s getting killed?
Klaus: Not you, if that's what you’re worried about. But I am concerned about your beloved. Have the hallucinations started yet?

Elena: (about the visions from killing a hunter) You went through this?
Klaus: Yes, I did. For fifty-two years, four months, and nine days. I was tormented, in my dreams, my every waking moment, relentless, never ending torture. It was the only period of my life when I actually felt time.
Elena: So, you knew that this would happen if Connor died? That's why you got involved. Did Stefan know too?
Klaus: All he knew was that the hunter had to be kept alive. You should have listened to him when he said he had it covered, love.

My Brother's Keeper [4.07][edit]

Stefan: She said she has feelings for Damon.
Caroline: What? She can't have feelings for Damon. He's...Damon. And you're you, and I'm...revolted. You know, I'm gonna talk to her. I'm going to shake some sense into her clearly diseased brain.

Klaus: In what world do the words "tell no one" mean "tell your brother and every teenage sycophant in town"?

Damon: Ok. I see shady Stefan's back. Please don't tell me that you're still working with Klaus.
Stefan: You obviously haven't heard. Elena and I broke up.
Damon: Oh. Got it. Uh, well, I'll be quick, then. So apparently if we want to find the cure, we have to find a vampire hunter who can kill enough vampires to reveal the map on the Hunter's Mark. Now, unless we want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0, I suggest we find a different hunter.
Stefan: Ok. And?
Damon: And I was gonna ask Professor Shane, but it turns out he's shadier than you are. Matt Donovan connected him and the pastor through phone records. Apparently the two were very chatty the day that the pastor blew up the Council.
Stefan: Ah. So you're gonna confront Shane, threaten him, possibly kill him-- that sort of thing?
Damon:Yeah, unless he tells me what he's up to. What do you say? We tag team?
Stefan: Nah. I'd say you're on your own.
Damon: Or we could just blow it off, then-- go get drunk, brother-bond over some TriDelts. If you... you know, want some quality time.
Stefan: Let's not pretend like this isn't the best day of your life.

Klaus: I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow.
Caroline: How about a quarter to never.
Klaus: I was promised a date in return for one of my hybrids.
Caroline: Yes. A date, like to a movie, where we don't have to talk and I can put at least three seats between us.

Haley: I can't believe that I won. I just want to thank the judges for seeing past the fact that I'm a raging bitch.
Tyler: You don't want to do that. Those girls will cut you. They have nails.
Haley: I have claws.

Klaus: Life use to be a lot easier. Don't you miss the days of being... "chair of the Mystic Falls beautification committee." And the "Director of the Policemen's Yearly Raffle"?
Caroline: Is that my Miss Mystic application? Where did you get that?
Klaus: "When I am chosen, I intend to redefine excellence"... Now I'm really enjoying your use of "when" here. It's very confident.
Caroline: Mm-hmm.
Klaus: "And above all, I promise to aspire, inspire and perspire." Obviously, we found a shortage of words ending in "spire."

Shane: I must be the least intimidating mass murderer ever.

Stefan: He's [Jeremy] the only way to fix all of this.
Elena: You mean me, the only way to fix me. You don't have to love me like this. This is who I am now. The old Elena died when she went off that bridge. Let her go.

Elena: I can't stay at home anymore.
Stefan: Pick a room. I'll crash somewhere else.

Elena:My brother wants to kill me.
Damon:Welcome to the club.
Elena:Jeremy can't live with me , Stefan wants to fix me and Caroline flared admid it that she doesn't like me this way.Clearly I'm not good at this vampire thing.
Damon:You know what I think?I think I never see you more alive.
Elena:That dance that they did today kind of remind me whan...
Damon:When we danced together?
Elena:I wanted to dance with you.(They dance)

We'll Always Have Bourbon Street [4.08][edit]

Elena:What's that face?
Damon:What face?(do his eye thing)
Elena:That face.
Damon:I'm happy.

Damon: The sire bond's not that literal, Stefan.
Stefan: Really? Name one thing that you've asked her [Elena] to do that you haven't gotten.
Damon: You know what I haven't gotten? Blame, guilt. I get it Stefan. I get that you're pissed that Elena dumped you because she has feelings for me. Bet you blame the sire bond for that, too.
Stefan: Yeah. You know what, I absolutely do.
Damon: Why, because it's impossible to think that she could have feelings for me?
Stefan: No. Because it's impossible for her to be so blind that she doesn't see how wrong you are for her.

Lexi: He [Stefan] needs balance and restraint.
Damon: What makes you think that I'm not balanced and restrained?
Lexi: The fact that you never have been.

Damon: Charlotte. Please tell me you had a full life and you've done something other than counting bricks.
Charlotte: Of course I have. I'm not crazy.
Stefan: Then why're you still here?
Charlotte: You know when someone breaks up with you and there's a song that reminds you of them? First you hate it, but then it brings back all the good memories of them. Counting the bricks is my song and I've been playing it for decades.
Stefan: That's a really long time. Stop listening to the same song.
Damon: Yeah. Well, uh, you know in the plus column, you know New Orleans better than anyone in the world.

Charlotte: So you're just leaving me again?
Damon: No. I need to get on with my life. And so do you.
Charlotte: I don't want to live without you.
Damon: If you want to make me happy, you will. You just, forget about me. You'll never think of me again and you'll find someone new and you'll be happier than ever. Please, stop crying.
Charlotte: I'm never gonna be able to forget about you.
Damon: Yes, you are. And I'm never going to be happy until you realize that you're never gonna have the life you deserve if I'm in it. Goodbye Charlotte.

Elena:Hey.
Damon:Hey back.
Elena:How was your night?
Damon:Awful.Yours?
Elena:Same.
Damon:Elena , we need to talk.
Elena:I know that I am sired to you , Damon.Calorine told me.That's what you and Stefan were doing.Isn't it?Is there way to break it?
Damon:Not exactly.Which is why we need to talk.
Elena.Tyler told me the bond doesn't fact how I feel just a way I act.My feelings for you haven't changed.Nothing is changed.
Damon:Everything is changed , Elena.
Elena:Ok.Fine.I've changed , but so have you , Damon.And I'm happy.Just like you were yesterday morning before we knew about any of this.
Damon:You wouldn't make me happy.That I know that this entire time when I'll be completly in love with you.That would you actually felt for me was real.
Elena:It is real.I know that it is.Damon , I know what you're about to do.Please , don't do this to me.
Damon:I don't wanna do this , Elena.I'm not the good guy , remember?I'm the selfish one.I take what I want.I do what I want.I lie to my brother.I fall in love with his girl.I don't do the right thing!But I have to do right thing by you!
Elena:Is this feel wrong?Is this feel wrong.

O Come, All Ye Faithful [4.09][edit]

Stefan: Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, you know.
Klaus: What is the point of my hybrids being sired to me if I can't maximize all the benefits of free labor?

Damon: I was supposed to do the right thing by you and the right thing by my brother. Which is what I'm gonna do right now. You're going to go home.
Elena: What? No. Damon.
Damon: I'm going to stay here with Jeremy. We'll complete the mark, I'll teach him how to hunt, I'll protect him. And we'll kill vampires. Without you.
Elena: Damon, please.
Damon: I'm setting you free Elena. This is what I want. This is what will make me happy.

Stefan: You know, I thought I'd be happier by watching Klaus led away to the slaughter. But for some reason I can't help, but feel kind of...guilty.
Caroline: Yeah. You and me, both. All day I've been trying to remind myself of all the horrible things he's done.
Stefan: That's the thing. We've all done horrible things. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what makes us any better than him. And I think that it's just that we have family we trust.
Caroline: Yeah. You're right, Stefan. Trust is everything. Have you heard from Damon?
Stefan: Yeah. He's still with Jeremy at the lake house.
Caroline: Did he happen to mention where Elena was?
Stefan: Wait. Why are you... Why are you asking me this? They're together, aren't they? How together are they?
Caroline:(Silent)
Stefan: Caroline, tell me. How together are they?
Caroline:(Silent)

Carol Lockwood: (looks at Klaus) His my son, he's all I have.
Klaus: (looking at Carol with a serious look) You're all he has, too.

After School Special [4.10][edit]

April: Was that necessary?
Rebekah: No. But it was fun.

Rebekah: Did I say you could move? Class is in session. You've all been compelled. You know the rules. Answer my questions honestly, no disobedience, no one leaves. April my sweet, take notes. This is how you get answers in this town. Let's start with a little quiz. In 1114, my brother learned-- thanks to yours truly-- about the brotherhood of vampire hunters with tattoos that grew with each kill. And these tattoos revealed what? Elena?
Elena: A map.
Rebekah: Which lead to, Caroline?
Caroline: A cure for vampirism.
Rebekah:Perfect. We're all caught up. Stefan Salvatore, the last time we saw each other, you had a vampire hunter, but in order to decode the map, you needed the location of the hunters sword, which you got out of me using some very dirty tricks. Assuming you found the sword, you must have found the cure, and yet you're all still vampires, which means something went wrong. What are you doing?
April: You asked me to take notes.
Rebekah: I wasn't being literal, darling. But now that you mention it, a flow chart would be nice, which means index cards and push pins. Go fetch.
Stefan: You're wasting your time. We don't know anything.
Rebekah: So you just gave up? I though you'd do anything to save Elena, even if it meant taking the cure yourself. So you could grow old and die with her. (to Elena) Why do you look so surprised? I'm missing something. What is it?
Caroline: They broke up, ok? Now let us go.
Rebekah: Broke up? Wait, I'm confused. I thought Elena was your epic love, Stefan. (pause) I asked you what happened, and now you have to tell me.
Stefan: She slept with Damon.

Rebekah: So, vampire Elena is a trollop who likes bad boys, which explains why Stefan reeks of alcohol. But what it doesn't explain is why sweet, loving, innocent Elena could be so heartless towards Stefan. How could she hurt you like that? (pause) Answer, please.
Stefan: She didn't know it at the time, but she was sired to Damon.
Rebekah: A sire bond. Fascinating. And what do you think about that, Elena.
Elena: I think you're sad and bored and in desperate need for a hobby.
Rebekah: You're hiding something. 'Fess up.
Elena: I didn't sleep with Damon because of his sire bond. I slept with Damon because I'm in love with him.
Caroline: What does any of this have to do with the stupid cure?
Rebekah: You're right. We got off point. Stefan, how do I find the cure? Unless you'd rather talk about Damon and Elena all day.
Stefan: There's a professor. He knows where the cure is.
Rebekah: Thank you. And, uh, where do I find this professor?

Damon: (to Klaus) If you're here for payback, go for it. But you'll be stuck baby-sitting the little hunter that could.

Elena:Stefan knows about us.
Damon:Ouu.How did he take it?
Elena:How do you think?
Damon:I'm thinking for the first time of all week I'm happy to be in camp of nowhere.
Elena:How's Jeremy?
Damon:That's been how much you trust me.
Elena:You know that I trust you.
Damon:I think he's gonna get trough this just fine.
Elena:Thanks for looking out for him.
Damon:Yeah I told them if they were good I'm gonna buy them ice cream.So.Look , I've got to go.
Elena:Wait , not yet.Something happend today.I realised something about you.About us.And you can say it is the sired bond.You know what?Maybe.Maybe it is.But what I'm telling you is the most real thing I ever felt in my entire life.I love you , Damon.I love you.
Damon:Look , I'm gonna get this cure for you.And I'm gonna have to do things you're not gonna like.
Elena:Damon.
Damon:Now listen cearfuly.Get in your car right now.Come to me.
Elena:I'll be there soon.

Catch Me If You Can [4.11][edit]

Kol: Care for a drink?
Damon: He's underage, and I don't like you, so let's cut to it.

Kol: What do you know of him [Silas]?
Damon: Nothing. Don't want to. Not our problem.

Rebekah: What happened to you? You were so much fun in the 20s.
Stefan: I was a psychotic killer with no emotions in the 1920s.

Shane: You're accusing me of orchestrating a mass murder. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?
Sheriff Forbes: It's Mystic Falls. It's actually the least ridiculous thing I've heard.

Rebekah: Was it my bastard brother or yours?
Stefan: Maybe it's option number 3. There's another team in the race.

Shane: Your daughter... is a prodigy. With my guidance... she can be one of the most powerful witches in the world. But without it--whew-- she's a time bomb.

Rebekah: (answering Stefan's phone) Hello, Elena.
Elena: What did you do to Stefan?
Rebekah: Rescued him from his old, dull life. But it keeps calling. Stefan's not in the mood to talk right now.
Elena: Then he can listen. I know you might not care about me right now, Stefan, but Kol compelled Damon to kill Jeremy. They're somewhere in the tunnels, and I-- it's one giant maze down here, and I can't find them, so if you still care about the cure, or about Jeremy, then maybe you can come help. (silence) Ok.

Damon: He shot me in the head. Stupid idiot... borderline brain dead moron!

Elena: Stefan, what're you doing with Rebekah? She tried to kill me.
Stefan: And this will be the second time that Damon tried to kill Jeremy. So I guess nobody's perfect, right?
Elena: Are you trying to punish me? I don't know how many times I can apologize.
Stefan: I never asked you to. You can do whatever you want, Elena. I really don't care.
Elena: You're hurt. You're hurt and you're acting out. Stefan, this isn't you.
Stefan: Sure it is. You've just never seen me like this. You don't know what I look like when I'm not in love with you.

A View To A Kill [4.12][edit]

Bonnie: Why does it sound like you're under fire?
Elena: Apparently I'm living in a fraternity house now.
Jeremy: I'm training.
Matt: Me too.
Elena: Train yourself to do some dishes. And put these weapons away before someone tries to use one on me.

Kol: (to Bonnie) No one can get to the cure if you're too dead to find it.

Damon: You coming to snap my neck again? Because I woke up feeling completely unmurderous, and I'm pretty sure it's safe to set me free.

Damon: (to Stefan) Silent treatment, huh? Is that your best shot? (to Klaus) He's still pissed at me for sleeping with Elena.
Klaus: Are you sure about that? Because I caught him trying to sneak out of Rebekah's bed this morning, which would suggest to me that he's moved on.

Kol:: Jeremy Gilbert, nice to know I'm still in your speed dial mate, hey you want to meet at the batting cages in Denver.
Elena: Actually, it's Elena Gilbert.
Kol: What a treat. You know, I was thinking of all the clever ways I could have your brother killed, but I think I'd settle for ripping off his illustrated arm instead.
Elena: I need to talk to you- in person. I want to call a truce in the name of Silas.
Kol: You want to talk about Silas?
Elena: I'll meet you wherever you want. I'll come to you.
Kol: I'll tell you what, how about I come to you?
(seconds later a doorbell rings, it's Kol. Elena, Jeremy and Matt in the house are shocked)
Kol:You want a truce? Open the door and invite me in.

Kol: I'm waiting. Let me in, and let's talk truce. Hello?
Elena:Wouldn't it be kind of stupid to invite you in?
Kol: On the contrary. I can't kill your brother with my own two hands, or I'll suffer the Hunter's Curse and spend the next 20 years trying to off myself in gruesome ways.
Elena: (writes on a chalk board to Matt) Help Stefan, find dagger. (Matt quickly leaves through the back door)
Kol: And I've heard the Vervain's back in town, so I can't compel you to kill him either. So I think it's fair to say you're semi-safe, for now.
Elena: (on chalkboard to Jeremy) Get out. Get Bonnie.
Jeremy: (whispers to Elena) I'm the only one that can invite him inside.
Kol: (from outside) He's right, obviously.
(Elena opens the door, to Kol)
Kol: You'd think by being alive for over 1,000 years would teach me some manners, but I couldn't resist stopping by.
Elena: If I let you in, my brother goes. You're not getting near him.
Kol: (looks at Elena and then at Jeremy) Fair enough.
(Elena looks at Jeremy at nods her head to let Kol inside)
Jeremy:You can come in. ( Kol smiles, Jeremy leaves through the back door)
Kol: No gold medal for bravery, I see. Another thing I love about the modern age is music anytime you like. So... this is the part where you offer me a drink so we can have a proper chat.

Rebekah: The colors, the fabrics-- the eighties were just tragic. You know, I think shoulder pads rival 17th-century puritan smocks for crimes against fashion.

Klaus: Ah, yes, for the love of Elena. How is it that she manages to overlook every horrific thing you've ever done? Is it willful ignorance or perhaps something more pathological?
Damon: Some people are just more capable of forgiveness than others. Bet you score about a negative 500 in that realm.
Klaus: Come on. There must be a secret. It can't just be the sire bond. What is it? Compulsion? Manipulation? What is it you say to her?
Damon: I think this has something to do with a certain blond vampire. I think you murdered Carol Lockwood, and I think you're worried that Caroline's never going to forgive you.
Klaus: You've done worse.
Damon: Debatable. See, I don't mind being the bad guy, because somebody has to fill that role and get things done. You do bad things for no reason. You do them to be a dick.
Klaus: Debatable.
Damon: If you're going to be bad, be bad with purpose. Otherwise you're just not worth forgiving.

Stefan: You got any requests for the DJ?
Rebekah: I'll let you pick. Nothing cheesy.
Stefan: Oh, that leaves out about half the decade.

Kol: (to Elena at the front door) I've considered te request of your truce... Request denied. (Elena closes door) Oh, I'm sorry, I've already been invited in. (kicks the door open to find that Elena and Jeremy are not there) Hide and Seek? Fine by me.

Klaus: Your brother's lack of communication is infuriating.
Damon: It's one of his trademarks, like his brooding and his hair.

Klaus: Well, if it isn't the happy homicidal maniac.
Kol:Do you know that your darling former blood bag and her brother are trying to kill me.

Into The Wild [4.13][edit]

Bonnie: These symbols must have been left for the Hunters so they could find the cure. And this must be the story of Qetsiyah and Silas. According to Shane, Silas asked Qetsiyah for help making a spell for immortality. She helped make him immortal, only to learn he planned to use the same spell on another woman, not her. When she found out, she freaked.
Jeremy: So, Qetsiyah kiled the other woman?
Bonnie: Yeah. Silas was immortal. She couldn't kill him. So, she tapped him in a cave and buried him alive instead.
Jeremy: Does it say anything about the Hunters purpose in all this?
Shane: I was wondering when you'd ask. Qetsiyah created a cure for immortality and then she buried it with Silas, hoping that he'd take it and die. End up on the other side with her for all eternity. But he wouldn't give her the satisfaction. So, many centuries later, her descendants created the Hunters to find him, cure him, and kill him.

Tyler: Morning, Sunshine. You look pathetic.
Klaus: Only until Bonnie's spell locking me in here wears off. Then I'll look different. Angrier, perhaps. Or, I won't look like anything, 'cause I'll have gouged your eyeballs from their sockets.

Elena: Is anyone else a little creeped out?
Rebekah: So, then leave. Out of everyone, your presence is the least necessary.
Stefan: Please don't start.
Rebekah: I'm merely stating the facts. Jeremy has the spell on his body. Bonnie's the witch that unseals the cure. Shane is the human compass. You and I have the tombstone, which does God knows what. And Elena has no point.
Damon: What about me?
Rebekah: You have a nice behind.

Caroline: You are not worth the calories I burn talking to you.

Rebekah: Well, 7 of us and no one thought to bring s'mores.

Stefan: You mean what you said? About a cease-fire?
Rebekah: Why do you all assume that I hate Elena so much?
Stefan: Well, I mean, you did run her off a bridge.
Rebekah: You all seem to forget that Elena's death was the only way to save my family. I did the same thing that every one of you would've done to protect the people that you love. And before you cast me as the bad guy, maybe you should remember that Elena's helped to kill not one but two of my brothers. Maybe we're not as different as everyone's making us out to be.

Caroline: If you don't feed me your blood, I'll die.
Klaus: Then you'll die, and Tyler will have learned his lesson the hard way.
Caroline: How could you do this to him? To his mom? To me?
Klaus: I'm a thousand years old. Call it boredom.
Caroline: I don't believe you.
Klaus: Fine. Then maybe it's because I'm pure evil, and I can't help myself.
Caroline: No. It's because you were hurt. Which means that there's a part of you that is human.
Klaus: How could you possibly think that?
Caroline: Because I've seen it. Because... I've caught myself wishing that I could forget all the horrible things that you've done.
Klaus: But you can't. Can you?
Caroline: I know that you're in love with me. And anyone capable of love is capable of being saved.
Klaus: You're hallucinating.
Caroline: I guess I'll never know. (Caroline struggles to breathe)
Klaus: Caroline? (Klaus saves her)

Elena: I didn't take it [the tombstone], but here. (Holds out the white oak dagger) Consider this a peace offering.
Rebekah: Don't you get it, Elena? There is no peace. We're all screwed.
Elena: Exactly, Rebekah. We're screwed. Bonnie's gone. Shane's got the tombstone. Jeremy's missing. Who knows if Damon is coming back. So, us three right here, this is all we've got. So, we're either in this together... or it's over. For all of us.

Shane: Jeremy. (to Massak) Was a bit of a scare yesterday. Thanks for fending off his attacker.
Massak: His attacker?
Shane: Jeremy was attacked by an islander. I assumed you were his hatchet-flinging guardian angel.
Massak: That wasn't me.
Shane: Then I guess there's somebody else on this island who's desperate to keep our Hunter alive.

Down The Rabbit Hole [4.14][edit]

(Damon is groaning)
Galen: Something bothering you?
Damon: Would you believe me if I said mosquitos?
Galen: Oh, aye, I would. How does it feel when a relentless eating machine is draining the blood from your veins?
Damon: Itchy.
Galen: Do your friends in Mystic Falls think you're funny, Damon?

Damon: Come on, man. Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It's flawless.

Caroline: It's called a cryptex. (Tyler and Klaus look at her shocked) I've seen "The Da Vinci Code". You turn the different sides to the different symbols to get the translation on the other side.

Jeremy: All right. Where's this stupid magic passage she needs to open?
Shane: Just look for anything that looks out of place, all right? Anything not occurring in nature, like a drawing or an inscription or... (looks down) geometrically perfect circle.

Shane: Hey, guys, c-- I need a hand. My leg's broken.
Bonnie: Best to stay off it, then. (She and Jeremy leave)

Rebekah: You're alive?
Damon: Yeah.
Rebekah: Why didn't you go with them?
Damon: I needed a siesta.
Rebekah: You gave up, didn't you?
Damon: I didn't give up. I just realized... you can't control everything... no matter how hard you try. Let's just say that I made peace with that fact.
Rebekah: Peace? You love Elena. You always will. If she becomes human, she may not feel the same way about you. You'll never know peace.
Damon: Life suck. Get a helmet.
Rebekah: You did something selfless, Damon. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming a halfway decent person.

Damon: (tied to a rope as they walk through the woods) Mind telling me where we're going?
Vaughn: At the wishing well lies an entrance to a crypt. In the crypt lies Silas. And with Silas lies the cure, which will allow me to kill Silas, bring the mission of the brotherhood of the Five to an end. You're my leverage, Damon. I use you to get your witch friend to open the passage to Silas' crypt for me.
Damon: What a minute, you're using me to get to Bonnie Bennett? Whoa, brother, ha! You picked the wrong vampire.
Vaughn: I guess we'll see about that.
Damon: Here's the deal, Shrek. My witch friend will open the passage for you. No leverage necessary. We don't care about Silas. All we want is the cure, so you cut us in on your share, and we'll get out of your hair.

Tyler: (on the porch, stressed about Klaus) Every time I think I have him, that son of a b*tch gets the upper hand.
Caroline: We won't let him hurt you. Stefan and Elena will bring back the cure.
Tyler: If they get to it first! And if they don't, Klaus kills me. I need to get out of town to figure out how I'm gonna stay alive.
Caroline: Wait, hang on, okay? Gosh! Before you get all doomsday, just at least let me try and talk to him.
Tyler: He's got nothing to lose, Care. His brother's dead, his hybrids are gone. All he wants right now is blood, starting with mine.

Caroline: You can't kill Tyler.
Klaus: Not only can I, I have to. I have a reputation to uphold. Moreover, I want to.
Caroline: I'm not asking you to forgive him. All I'm asking is that you let him live, somewhere far from here.
Klaus: So he gets to live a happy life after he turned all my hybrids against me, after he tried to kill me, after he made it his life's mission to find the cure so he could use it against me.
Caroline: We all want the cure.
Klaus: Do we?... Do you?
Caroline: It doesn't matter. There's only one, so it's not like I'm gonna get it anyway.
Klaus: But if you could, you won't would you? (she remains silent as her face give her away) You prefer who you are now to the girl you once were. You like being strong, ageless, fearless.

Damon: Life sucks. Get a helmet.
Rebekah: You did something selfless, Damon. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming a halfway decent person.

Bonnie: (about Silas) He's been frozen like a vampire statue for 2,000 years. There's only one way we're gonna get the statue to unfreeze.
Jeremy: How's that?
Bonnie: We have to feed him our blood… If we want to get the cure out of his hands, we... we have to wake him up.

Rebekah: You don't want any of us to be human. Why would you help us find the cure?
Klaus: Maybe I finally realized the longer I stand in the way of what you want, the longer you'll continue to hate me. Perhaps I want my sister to finally know happiness.

Stand By Me [4.15][edit]

Damon: Unless you're a blond, a Bennett witch, or a dopplegänger, I suggest you steer clear.

Elena: You're not dosing me again, are you?
Matt: Poison your best friend once, and the suspicion follows you forever.

Damon: Here's the thing. I was completely willing to accept the fact that you were one man on a lonely mission to kill ol' Silas, and then I got boned by my vixen nemesis miss Katherine Pierce, and then I start thinking there's no way that this is a coincidence. So what do you know, huh? (to Rebekah) Took you long enough.
Rebekah: Sorry. I had to dig the arrow out of my spine. Thank you for that.
Damon: Well, if you want a lead on Katherine Pierce, here's your guy.
Vaughn: Torture me all you want. You can't kill me. The Hunter's curse will torment you forever.
Damon: It will be worth it.
Rebekah: He's right. You can't kill him, but that doesn't mean we can't tear him apart piece by piece, nerve by nerve until the pain is so severe, that your brain shuts it off to give you one tiny moment of blessed relief, and then we'll heal you and do it again and again and again.
Damon: You are creepy.
Rebekah: Thank you.
Vaughn: I was tracking dens of vampires across Colorado. Katherine found me, said she could help me find Silas. She already knew about the Hunter's mark, the cure.
Rebekah: How?
Vaughn: Oh, she has someone on the inside, some werewolf girl, friends with your professor.
Damon: Hayley, Tyler Lockwood's old friend. Ah, I knew she was shady. Where'd Katherine find her.
Vaughn: New Orleans. That's all I know.
Damon: Ah. Good. Let's throw him in a well. If he starves to death, it's not our fault. I'm going to find Bonnie.
Rebekah: We've got a lead on the cure, Damon. I'm going to find it, but I suppose you don't mind. You never wanted Elena to be human again, anyway.
Damon: I wanted the cure for her because it's what she wanted. You might think I'm afraid to go back, but I'm not because I know what she needs. She needs me to bring her best friend home.

Damon: (to Bonnie) I could actually hug you right now.

Vaughn: How do you hide from the devil when you don't know what he looks like?

Damon: Three massacres, three hot spots, and the witch spell of the century, and every supernatural being over there is back with a vengeance.

Bring It On [4.16][edit]

Klaus: Ah, what an unpleasant surprise.
Damon: So I just came up with a list called things you suck at. Number one: finding Katherine, ever. Number two: covering up your secret phone conversations to that little backstabbing Hayley. Yeah, so where is she, and what does she know about Katherine?
Klaus: I should help you? After you lot killed my brother and imprisoned me in the Gilbert living room.
Damon: You might want to prioritize Klaus, you have much bigger problems. Katherine has the cure. My guess is she's gonna want to cram it down your throat. You help me find Katherine., I'll get the cure, I'll give it to Elena, everybody wins.

Caroline: Remember how Damon sired her to behave? Didn't really work.

Rebekah: Impressive. You're like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage.

Damon: I admit, under any other circumstance, this would be a major turn-on.

Elena: I mean, I see you standing there, and don't get me wrong, you look good. I remember the sex we had, and it was good sex...just doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

Because the Night [4.17][edit]

Man: You're that serial killer, aren't you? The Son of Sam.
Damon: Son of Giuseppe, but close enough.

Stefan: Wait. What do you mean you took her to New York?
Damon: And that tone is the reason I didn't pick up the phone the first 20 times you called.
Stefan: Where is she now?
Damon: Out exploring. Maybe she's eating a hot dog or vendor.

(Caroline is drinking the left behind alcohol while cleaning up)
Klaus: Desperate times I take it.
Caroline: What are you doing here?
Klaus: Not judging you for starters, although if you are determined to get drunk, then perhaps I might recommend something a little more sanitary. (Caroline drinks the alcohol she found) Well, then. You showed me.
Caroline: Shouldn't you be out chasing Tyler to the ends of the earth, or are there still some hopes and dreams you want to crush around here? Or are there still some hopes and dreams you wanna crush around here?
Klaus: Depends. Do you happen to know where the young Brutus is?
Caroline: I know where he's not... with me. And he gave Matt the deed to the house, so he's gone for good.
Klaus: (nodding as he walks closer) Tyler made it his life's mission to kill me. You can't hate me for driving him away.
Caroline: Oh, I can and I do.

Stefan: Look. Silas wants to die and be reunited with his one true love, but he's supernatural, so if he takes the cure and dies, he gets stuck on the other side.
Klaus: How Shakespearian.
Stefan: But if he destroys the other side altogether, he can take the cure, die, and pass on. But in destroying it, every dead supernatural being will return to our side.
Caroline: That means every werewolf, every witch, every vampire. I wonder how many of those you personally killed. Care yet?

Elena: You got Lexied?

Lexi: You're not even covering your tracks. We heard about you back in Mystic Falls.
Damon: So Stefan sent you. Hmm. I though we were on the off part of our endless on-again, off-again, eternity-of-misery cycle.

Rebekah: Wow, she [Lexi] sounds dreadful.
Damon: She had a Mother Teresa complex.
Elena: So let me guess. After many dark nights with Lexi, she convinced you to turn your emotions back on, and that's exactly what you plan to do with me. Hmm.
Damon: You read the last page of a book first, too?

Stefan: How's the cure search going?
Damon: Ah. Not great. I mean, it's no massacre in the making, but Rebekah trailed us here. Then in addition to my buddy being a brilliant identity thief, he's also a hoarder.
Stefan: What are you trying to find?
Damon: Will had a repeat customer, 5'7" brunette. Said she was a runner.
Stefan: Katherine.
Damon: Turns out I was helping her run from me. Ironic. Problem is I'm pretty sure that this filing system goes by birthdate, but I can't for the life of me remember Katherine's.
Stefan: June 5, 1473.
Damon: And that, brother, is why you are the better boyfriend.

Caroline: Do you even know how to read a map?
Klaus: Yes, and do you know who taught me? My friend Magellan.
Caroline: Wow! You had a friend. Was he drawn to your darkness, too?
Klaus: Actually, I was referring to Damon and Elena when I said that, but clearly it struck a chord with you.
Caroline: It's because it's not true! There is no allure to darkness.
Klaus: (earnestly) Really? So you've never felt the attraction that comes when someone who's capable of doing terrible things for some reason cares only about you?
Caroline: I did once, when I thought he was worth it, but it turns out some people can't be fixed.

Stefan: Damon, what did you do?
Damon: Lets just say it involves a 5'7" brunette and her blonde accomplice.
Stefan: Please don't tell me this is going where I think it is.
Damon: Wrong fantasy, brother. Unless you're into betrayal and snapped necks.

Lexi: That explains it. Your switch is flipped.
Damon: Ugh. Would you mind? I can't even hear my prey over your constant babbling.

Elena: So let me guess. After many dark nights with Lexi, she convinced you to turn your emotions back on, and that's exactly what you plan to do with me. Hmm.
Damon: You read the last page of the book first, too? I'm gonna go get a drink. Many drinks. (goes to the bar)
Rebekah: So you really buy all this?
Elena: Not one bit. I know he's after the cure. I'm not stupid.
Rebekah: Well, let's not say things we don't mean.

Caroline: (as they search Shane's office) What are we even looking for?
Stefan: Well, if Shane really was working with Silas, chances are he was helping him plan his next move.
Caroline: Where, on his evil villain to-do list? 'Steal blood, perform 3 massacres, pick up dry cleaning'?
Klaus: Actually, not to nit-pick, but we evil villains usually use minions to pick up our dry cleaning, that sort of thing.
Caroline: (to Stefan about Klaus) Why is he necessary again?
Stefan: Well, we don't know what Silas can do, so if we do have to go head to head with him, an Original hybrid who can't die might come in handy.
Klaus: Besides, Stefan and I work well together, or at least we did in the twenties.

Elena: You dragged me all the way to New York because you were feeling nostalgic?
Damon: No, I dragged you to New York because in a matter of three days, you managed to piss off everyone in Mystic Falls. A little more difficult to do in a city of millions.
Elena: (shrugging) I was hungry.
Damon: You were reckless.
Elena: Emotionless. There's a difference.
Damon: Look, all that matters is that when I lived here, I fed like crazy and had a blast and went undetected for years.

(1970)

Lexi: That explains it. Your switch is flipped.
Damon: (walking into the alley) Ugh. Would you mind? I can't even hear my prey over your constant babbling.
Lexi: You're not even covering your tracks. We heard about you back in Mystic Falls.
Damon: So Stefan sent you? Hmm. I thought we were on the 'off' part of our endless on-again, off-again, eternity-of-misery cycle.
Lexi: Lucky for you he cared just enough to send me. So, why'd you flip it? What traumatic event was too much for Damon Salvatore to handle?

American Gothic [4.18][edit]

Damon: Ooh, silver lining. If Rebekah takes the cure, then she's mortal. And then we can just kill her right then and there.
Stefan: Ooh, dark cloud. Elena stays a vampire forever.

Caroline: (walking in)I got your fifty bajillion messages. This better be life and death.
Klaus: (gruffly) Go away!
Caroline: Klaus? Where are you? (as she looks around and sees him) What happened to you?
Klaus: (thinking she's still Silas) I need more time. Stop hounding me!
Caroline: I'm hounding you? I'm supposed to be running 3 different prom committees right now and you keep phone stalking me.
Klaus: Caroline. Is it really you? (as she looks surprised) Prove it to me!
Caroline: Okay, I don't know if this is some new way of flirting, but it sucks, and I have more important things to do. (tries to leave)
Klaus: Wait, please. Silas... he stabbed me with the white oak stake. There's a- a piece of it stuck inside me.
Caroline: Why would Silas attack you?
Klaus: Well, I was in no position to ask questions. Suffice it to say, I'm hurt. So you can understand why I called you.
Caroline: You ran Tyler out of town, you killed his mother, and you think I'm the person to call for help?
Klaus': If I die, you, Tyler, all of your friends die with me.

Caroline: Oh my god. You do have a heart. (she moves the pliers deeper as Klaus howls in pain) Oh, my bad. It's just a bloody rib.
Klaus: Well I'm glad you're finding my misery so amusing.
Caroline: Ugh, I swear there's nothing in here. And if you think I'm having fun, you're insane.
Klaus: You killed 12 witches for your friend Bonnie. You can't even get your hands a little dirty for me. Here I thought we were becoming friends.

Stefan: So what happened to the guy who thought Elena should embrace being a vampire, let the chips fall where they may?
Damon: That guy got his neck snapped in New York and this guy is royally pissed off.

Elena: What do you think?
Rebekah: Hm. It's close. Not quite slutty enough – I think you need more eyeliner.

Elijah: Where's Katherine, Elena?

Klaus: You killed 12 witches for your friend Bonnie. You can't even get your hands a little dirty for me. Here I thought we were becoming friends.
Caroline: Well, you thought wrong.

Caroline: (to Klaus) We've all tried to kill you. And you've tried to kill most of us. How do you think that you deserve my friendship when you've done nothing to earn it?

Elena: You know I don't want the cure. You need to know that I never will and I'm done talking about it. So... will you accept that and let me be who I am, or not?

Damon: Believe me, I learned my lesson. Elena without humanity is a stone-cold bitch, and I won’t trust her until we get the old Elena back.

Elena: Where's the cure?
Katherine: What? No I'm here to avenge my annoying little brother speech?
Elena: People die. We move on.

Caroline: (enters the room as she wipes her hand with a towel) I used all your bleach.
Klaus: Hey. Thank you for helping me.
Caroline: Yeah… Well, if you need anything else... don't call me. I have a prom to plan.
Klaus: (smiling) Friends, then?
Caroline: Are you gonna let Tyler come back into town?... (turns when he says nothing)
Klaus: You might have noticed... I'm not exactly scouring the earth for him, am I?

Rebekah: You ans Katherine? And I thought you were the smart brother.
Elijah: (indignant) You don't have a smart brother. It turns out I'm just as stupid as the rest of you.
Rebekah: Why don't you just give me the cure so I can judge you silently elsewhere?
Elijah: And what could you possibly want with the cure?
Rebekah: I want to be human again.
Elijah: How do you know that being human is the answer you're looking for? I mean, it's nothing but a romantic notion. The grass won't necessarily be greener, Rebekah.
Rebekah: You're probably right. But I don't care. I want to live a simple life as a normal person. And when it ends, it ends. We've had 20 lifetimes together, Elijah. Isn't that enough?
Elijah: I just don't understand. I mean, why must you always consider our family a burden? Always and forever. I mean, those words are as important to me today as they, as they ever were.
Rebekah: You will always be my brother. And I will never stop loving you. But now it's time for me to live and die the way that I choose, not the way you and Nik want me to.

Pictures of You [4.19][edit]

Caroline: Elena stole my prom dress. I went to pick it up, and the tailor said that somebody else already did. And when I asked who, she said she couldn't remember. Hello? The vervain is out of the town water supply. She was compelled. (Klaus laughs). It is not funny.
Klaus: I know. I know.
Caroline: Then stop laughing. Look, I know that prom isn't important to you, but it's important to me.
Klaus: Well surely finding another dress is well within your substantial vampire capabilities.
Caroline: But I don't want just another dress. I want to look hot, like Princess Grace of Monaco hot. So, could you please go back into your creepy trophy case of family collectables and dig me out something of royal caliber?

Matt: Why do I feel like we're at a practice run of Caroline's wedding?
Bonnie: Because I think we are.

Damon: You are under age.
Elena: You are over age, and honestly, it's kinda creepy.
Damon: Oh, come on. What bad-ass senior is complete without a prom date that's slightly too old for high school?
Elena: Please don't refer to yourself as my date.
Damon: Oh, I'm sorry. Your boyfriend. Something I said?
Elena: I'm not doing this.
Damon: You're not gonna deny that I'm your boyfriend now, are you?
Elena: What are you doing? Trying to stir some feelings in me? Ironic, since you, my sire, are the one who had me turn them off.
Damon: Yeah, well, hindsight is almost a bigger bitch than you.
Elena: You're nothing to me, Damon.
Damon: Really? Then why tell me you're in love with me? Why tell me it's the most real thing you've ever felt in your life?
Elena: I told you I loved you because I was sired to you, and now that I'm not, I know that none of it was real, but if you still think that it was, I mean, maybe you're the one who needs help with your emotions, not me.

Elena: Let go of me or I will bite you.
Stefan: Oh, come on. I'm the one who hates to dance, remember?
Elena: Yeah, and now I finally see why.

Stefan: So you're just here to help Rebekah get the cure, right, on what happens to be the most sentimental night in high school.
Elena: You think this is my cry for help? I'd be happy to show you what a real cry for help sounds like.
Stefan: Hmm. So this... Us... You feel nothing?
Elena: I feel nothing.
Stefan: I don't believe you.
Elena: I don't care.
Stefan: So you don't remember what it use to feel like when we would dance? When my hand would touch your waist?
Elena: Nope.
Stefan: How about this... When our fingers would touch?
Elena: Nothing.
Stefan: And this? (Dips Elena) Does your heart really refuse to remember?
Elena: (whispers) What heart?

Caroline: I know you said to kill her with kindness, but can't I just kill her?
Stefan: I see you found a dress.
Caroline: It's from Klaus.
Stefan: Hmm.
Caroline: Don't ask.
Stefan: You know you have him wrapped around your little finger, right?
Caroline: If I had Klaus wrapped around my finger, then I would be here with Tyler right now. Are you making any progress with the dress thief?
Stefan: I don't know. I think it's affecting me a whole lot more than its affecting her.
Caroline: What do you mean?
Stefan: Every time I tell myself that I'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her.
Caroline: That's normal, Stefan. You guys were in love. That doesn't go away just because you declare that you're moving on.
Stefan: Then how does anyone ever seem to move on?
Caroline: I don't know. I think that someday, you'll meet someone new and you'll fall madly in love. And you'll have moved on without even realizing it.

Rebekah: What am I missing?
Elena: Silas is appearing to Bonnie as my dead brother, which means he still wants her to do the spell.
Rebekah: So? The nice thing about having no feelings is you don't fear your enemies on the other side.
Elena: I'm not worried about my enemies. It's people like Alaric... and Jeremy. The Salvatore brothers are annoying enough as it is, can you imagine if my brother came back to the living? He'd spend every waking hour trying to get my humanity back.

Stefan: You looking for Silas or you waxing nostalgic about misspent youth?
Damon: What happened to you being over it?
Stefan: What do you mean?
Damon: Well, I mean, for a guy who's ready to move on, you seemed pretty convincing as a boyfriend out on the dance floor.
Stefan: I mean, isn't that what we're doing, reminding Elena of what she's lost?
Damon: Like her feelings for you?
Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
Damon: Hmm.
Stefan: I mean... I don't mean to be a dick, Damon, but Elena and I have a history. Memories, laughs, ups and downs. It was a real relationship. I mean, what you have is just a one-night stand that was probably the result of the sire-bond. (Damon moves toward Stefan and gets staked) Your mind is a very dark and riveting place, Damon.
Damon: Uh, Silas. Where's my brother, you psychic freak?
Silas: He's in the woods, where I convinced him I was you. He's probably in a bit of pain now, too. The witch is mine. Stay away from her.

Damon: She may not feel much, but shes gonna feel that in the morning.
Stefan: So what's the plan?
Damon: When Bonnie was whaling on her tonight, I could see it in her eyes. Elena thought she was gonna die. She was scared.
Stefan: Fear.
Damon: Last time I checked, one of those pesky human emotions.
Stefan: So plan "c"... make her life a living hell.
Damon: You care to talk about our other problem? You know, the one that can be anywhere, at any time.
Stefan: Silas still needs Bonnie. And if tonight is any indication, she's no pushover. She's not gonna let him manipulate her, not anymore.
Damon: I wouldn't underestimate his talents. He fooled the hell out of both of us. What did he say to you anyway?
Stefan: He led me out in the woods, claiming he saw Silas, then he staked me.
Damon: Hmm.
Stefan: How did he get to you?
Damon: Talked about his hair. I figured it had to be you.
Stefan: Funny.

Katherine: (voice over) Klaus, I hear Elijah has refused you the cure and in return, you have refused me my freedom. Shame on you both. But while you boys sort out your problems, I have one last thing to offer you. I've caught wind that there is a witch in New Orleans named Jane-Anne Deveraux plotting a move against you. Hunt her down. What she has to say will rattle you so deeply to your core that chasing little old me will be the least of your concerns. It's been a fun five centuries, Klaus, but I've worn down too many good heels running from you. Love and hate, Katerina.

The Originals [4.20][edit]

Damon: That's the calmest desiccating vampire I've ever seen. I remember when you starved me down there for three days. I would have wept at your feet for an orange peel.
Stefan: Look, she's not gonna beg for blood. Begging means desperation. Emotion. She's still a no-humanity zone.
Damon: How hungry does she have to be before we can torture some feelings back into her?
Stefan: A lot hungrier than she is now, apparently.
Damon: So, what are we supposed to do in the mean time?
Katherine: Maybe I can provide a little excitement.
Stefan: (surprised) Katherine.
Katherine: The one and only. Sort of.

Man: Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans, a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dead stick around to play.

Rebekah: Well, the French Quarter witches are not a lot to be trifled with. You don't suppose they've found a way to kill him once and for all, do you?
Elijah: Rebekah, in the name of our family, you might try to dial down your glee.
Rebekah: What family? We are three distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline.

Rebekah: Where are you going?
Elijah: To find out who's making a move against our brother, and then... I'll either stop them, or I'll help them. Depending on my mood.

Sophie: You may have built this town, but it's his town now.

Klaus: Where's Marcel?
Diego: Who the hell's asking?
Klaus: I assume you're joking.
Diego: I only answer to Marcel.
Klaus: Well, then, in that case, perhaps you'll answer to this. You're aware the bite of a werewolf can kill a vampire? Well, as you can see, I'm half-werewolf, so I'm gonna ask you one more time! Where is Marcel?
Marcel: H-hey. I'm right here. I'm right here. Easy, now. Diego's just looking out for me. Nobody harms my guys. Those are the rules.
Klaus: I don't care about your rules, Marcel. And I don't need chaperones. Why are you having me followed?
Marcel: I get it, huh? Show of force. You made your point. Let it go, friend. For me.
Klaus: Fine. Why don't you show me what you've done with the place while you explain exactly what it is you've been up to in my town.

Klaus: Evening, Elijah.
Elijah: Niklaus.
Klaus: What an entirely unwelcome surprise.
Elijah: And what an entirely unsurprising welcome.

Klaus: I assure you, love, that there is not a thing in the world that will matter enough for me to waste even thirty more seconds of my time. Elijah, what madness is this?
Hayley: Klaus... You need to listen to them.
Klaus: You're all out of your minds if you think some liquor fueled one-night stand--no offense, sweetheart-- means a thing to me.
Sophie: Marcel may be able to keep us from practicing real magic in this town, but as keepers of the balance, we still know when nature has cooked up something new. For example, I have a special gift, of sensing when a girl is pregnant.
Klaus: What?
Hayley: I know. It's impossible.
Klaus: What are you saying?
Elijah: Niklaus... the girl is carrying your child.

Klaus: No. It's impossible. Vampires cannot procreate.
Sophie: But werewolves can. Magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the original hybrid. The first of your kind, and this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes.

Klaus: Your town?
Marcel: Damn straight.
Klaus: That's funny. Because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you. Master of your domain. Prince of the city. I'd like to know how.
Marcel: Why? Jealous? Hey, man, I get it. 300 years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule the city now. We don't have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place. They look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You want to pass on through? You want to stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules.
Klaus: And if someone breaks those rules?
Marcel: They die. Mercy is for the weak. You taught me that, too. And I'm not the Prince of the Quarter, friend. I'm the king! Show me some respect.
Klaus: (bites a vampire) Your friend will be dead by the weekend. Which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be killed. I am immortal. Who has the power now, friend?

Camille: The hundred dollar guy.
Klaus: The brave bartender. (looking at her name-pin) Camille. That's a French name.
Camille: It's a grandma's name. Call me Cami. (referring to the street artist) Amazing isn't he?
Klaus: Do you paint?
Camille: No, but I admire. Every artist has a story, you know.
Klaus: And what do you suppose his story is?
Camille: He's...angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He's lost. Alone... (jokingly) Or... maybe he just drank too much tonight. Sorry, overzealous psyche major.
Klaus: No. I think you were probably right the first time.

Klaus: I forgot how much I liked this town.
Elijah: I didn't forget. All the centuries we've spent together, and yet I can count on one hand the number of times that our family has been truly happy. I hated leaving here.
Klaus: As did I.
Elijah: What is on your mind, brother?
Klaus: For a thousand years, I lived in fear. Any time I settled anywhere, our father would hunt me down and... chase me off. He made me feel powerless, and I hated it. This town was my home once, and in my absence, Marcel has gotten everything that I ever wanted. Power, loyalty, family. I made him in my image and he has bettered me. I want what he has. I want to be king.
Elijah: And what about Hayley and the baby?
Klaus: Every king needs an heir.

Damon: You look terrible.
Elena: I'm hungry. Not that you care.
Damon: But I do. That's the whole point. I do care. You don't care. It's about time for that to change. (gives Elena a blood bag)
Elena: (gags) Vervain?
Damon: How does that make you feel? Hurt because I'd betray you? Angry because I'd cause you pain? Or scared? Because you know it's gonna get a lot worse?
Elena: You boys want to play games? Go ahead. Let's see who breaks first. Me, or you?

Klaus: (on his cellphone) Caroline. I'm standing in one of my favorite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture, and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me.

She's Come Undone [4.21][edit]

Damon: Relax. I just want to show you all the things you've been missing out on since you took the giant leap over the cuckoo's nest.

Caroline: I am not going to give up on you.
Elena: This annoying, clingy thing that you're doing, did it ever occur to you maybe that's why both of your boyfriends skipped town? I mean, I know that Tyler said he was running for his life. Maybe he was running from you. And Klaus... I mean, let's just say it: nobody likes a tease. Hey, I'm not judging. Might be nice to have a bad boy ruffle those perfect feathers.
Caroline: You're in pain you're lashing out. I get it, but you can't stay this way forever. We're about to graduate and start new lives, and you deserve--
Elena: Are you seriously talking about high school graduation? Caroline, do you realize how pathetic you're gonna look in that cap and gown pretending to be human while your mom fake-smiles and just counts down the minutes until you leave town so that you can stop being a reminder their daughter is a repulsive, blood-sucking, control freak monster? It's really too bad Stefan stopped me before I put you out of your misery, but, hey, here's to second chances.

Rebekah: Are they still keeping Elena trapped in the Salvatore mansion? I happen to like her just the way she is. It's tragic that they're trying so desperately to fix something that isn't broken.

Katherine: Lying, scheming and a secret rendezvous with moi, not very Bonnie Bennett-y, especially when Elena needs her favorite witch.

Damon: Oh, you know the rules, bad girls don't get nice jewelry.
Elena: You took my ring. I'm devastated. And bored. Can I go back to solitary now?

Elena: I said, I'm going to kill you!
Damon: Bingo! See? There's a little rage. I should have figured out that'd be the first emotion that came out of you. I tend to pull that out of people.
Stefan: Elena, look at me. We don't want to do this, okay? You can stop this right now. It's your choice.
Elena: Kind of funny, actually, you being the one to pull back the curtain. I bet part of you enjoys it since, you know, I dumped you and all.
Damon: Wow. That was downright vindictive. See? I think now we're breaking through that tough candy shell and getting into the ooey-gooey rich center of your humanity. This is good. I think we should shine some light on the subject.
Elena: Let me guess... this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.
Stefan: Look, I know what you're going through. After all you've done, you're afraid to face the guilt you'll feel if you turn your emotions back on. The only way we can help you is to make the alternative hurt even worse.

Elena: I am the girl that you love. You wouldn't do anything to actually hurt me. You just proved that. So what do I really have to be afraid of?

Stefan: So that went well.
Damon: Every other vampire turns it on, no problem. You kill. You feed. You do all the awful things that a vampire does. And then when you're done, you turn it back on. Why is she being so stubborn?
Stefan: Because she has nothing to come back to. Her home's gone. Her family's gone. She alienated her friends. She destroyed her relationships.
Damon: No. She wants to come back. Scaring the hell out of her should have worked. She's smart. She know we're not gonna hurt her.
Stefan: All right. So we get somebody else, somebody who would really hurt her.
Damon: Who? Katherine?
Stefan: Think about it. She's the reason Jeremy's dead, right? So if anybody's gonna provoke an emotion, it's her.
Damon: So we call her and then what? Beg her to help us out of the kindness of her own heart. You kidding me?
Stefan: Katherine was just abandoned by Elijah. She has nothing. She has no one. We invite her into our house to come torture Elena. There's no way she's gonna turn that down.

Damon: Seriously. You can't knock?
Katherine: Sorry. I didn't realize we were standing on formalities.
Rebekah: What the hell are you doing here?
Katherine: You didn't get the memo? I'm here to talk some sense into poor emotionless Elena.
Matt: Are you out of your mind?
Damon: You got a better idea, Prom King? Unless you want me to lock you up in there with her, I suggest you shut up and let the adults handle this.
Rebekah: Well, it looks like the lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Elena: What the hell are you doing here?
Katherine: Your boyfriends invited me. They want to know if you still have a heart. There it is. Your bodyguards won't let me kill you, but I can rip your throat out. So I don't have to listen to you whine. But first, satisfy my curiosity,what did you tell Elijah back in Willoughby?
Elena: That's why you're here? He dumped you, didn't he? Now you're just looking for a scapegoat.
Katherine: Tell me what you said to turn him against me or I will feed you your own eyeballs.
Elena: I didn't have to say anything. Look at you. A self-obsesses egomaniac on the run for 5 centuries. What good would you be to anyone? You're the definition of damaged goods. No wonder Elijah left you.
Katherine: Yeah, I've done some pretty horrible things to survive, but unlike you, poor, delicate Elena, I don't turn it off. I deal with it. You wouldn't last a week as a vampire without everyone fawning over you. By I'd love to see you try.

Damon: Enough. You are acting like a little spoiled brat. You know that? You think that we can't punish you. Maybe not. But I can sure punish him.
Matt: (weakly) Elena.
Elena: Seriously you think that this is...
Damon: Shut up. I'm done playing nice. Turn your emotions back on right now, Elena, or so help me, God, I will give you something to be sad about. I will kill him right here in front of you.
Stefan: Damon.
Damon: Don't "Damon" me. If she doesn't love anyone, fine. Prove it. And if I'm wrong, what difference does it make? One less bus boy.
Matt: Elena...
Elena: Your bluffing.
Damon: (snaps Matt's neck) How about now. Feel anything now? You angry I just turned your buddy into road kill? Or are you sad that the guy that everybody loves is just a bag of bones? Remember when he was a little kid, huh? Warm heart, big, goofy smile, his whole life ahead of him. I guess it was a good idea that he wearing this. (on Matt's hand is a Gilbert ring)
Elena: Oh, God, Matt.
Damon: You feel that weight lifting off your chest? That's joy. Because your friend isn't dead. That's emotion, Elena. That's humanity.

Damon: You ok?
Elena: No. I'm not ok. But I will get better.

Katherine: I'm perfectly aware that tombstone isn't just a hunk of rock.
Bonnie: No kidding.
Katherine: And it got me thinking, all big spells require a source of power, a recurring element like a full moon, a comet. But that tombstone is filled with the blood of your ancient reflective Katsooyay or whatever.
Bonnie: Qetsiyah.
Katherine: She was powerful enough to create the other side. So maybe, if you have her blood, you don't need a full moon to drop the veil. Maybe you can do it whenever you want. The thing I can't figure out is why do you want to drop the veil at all?
Bonnie: I have my reasons.
Katherine: And again, I ask, what's in it for me?
Bonnie: You'll get the one thing you want most in this world-- freedom, survival. Never having to run from anyone again. Once I've dropped the veil, I can speak to Qetsiyah. She created the spell that made Silas truly immortal, invulnerable to any weapon. You'd like that for yourself, wouldn't you? I can give it to you.
Katherine: Bonnie Bennett, we have a deal.

The Walking Dead [4.22][edit]

Sherif: You think it's Silas?
Damon: Or a doctor with some very questionable bedside manner.

Elena: "Brother and friend." What genius came up with that one? I give up, Jer. I really want to kill her for you, but... there's no point. Stefan's right. It's just a distraction. And... I can't. I can't do this. I can't-- I can't move on. And I don't want to. If that makes me weak, then fine, I'm weak. But I can't handle you... you being gone... and I can't handle feeling like this anymore.
Kol: Hello, old friend. Pity about your brother. Guess it's just me against you now.

Jeremy: (to Kol) How many times do I have to kill you?

Rebekah: (holding a graduation announcement) So, let me get this straight: you send out a notice of your impending graduation and people feel obliged to give you money?
Matt: Pretty much.
Rebekah: That sounds brilliant. Why aren't you participating?
Matt: I don't have a whole lot of family.
Rebekah: That makes two of us. Besides, I don't think it was my mother's dream to see me in a cap and gown. How about your mum?
Matt: Let's just say I'm not holding my breath for a graduation check.

Rebekah: So, what's the deal? I'm new to this whole emotional switch situation.
Elena: (while playing darts) It's not complicated. See that dart board? All I can picture is Katherine's face.
Rebekah: So your emotions are on, they're just dialed to rage.
Elena: Look, Rebekah. I get that we had our Thelma and Louise thing back when I had my humanity off, but let me make one thing clear: we're not friends.

Bonnie: Okay, this is the center of the triangle. I'm ready. Now, give me the tombstone.
Katherine: The fact that this spell hinges on some crappy hunk of blood-rock does little to inspire my confidence.
Bonnie: It's filled with the calcified blood of Qetsiyah, one of the strongest witches in the world. It'll work.

Damon: If I can see you... (he pats Alaric's arms and face) ...and I can touch you, that means the little witch did it. She dropped the veil.
Alaric: Well, not completely. It's only down inside the Expression triangle. If I step outside of it, it's back to ghost world.
Damon: Well, where is everybody? I figured with the veil down, it'd be like Ghost-a-palooza.
Alaric: Well, not every ghost has a reason to come back to Mystic Falls. Just the ones like me, looking after their idiot best friends.
Damon: I'm more worried about the ones looking out for their enemies.

Matt: (eyeing Kol) I'm assuming this means Bonnie dropped the veil.
Kol: Not completely, and not for long. But who am I to give up an opportunity for revenge? My killer's already dead, but his sister's just as culpable, so maybe you could help me find her.
Matt: If you hurt Elena, I swear...
Kol: (breaks a bottle against the bar) Oh, I'm going to. But please, continue. I'm curious as to where you're going with this.
Rebekah: You made your point, Kol. Now leave!
Kol: First tell me where I can find Elena.
Rebekah: She left here hours ago, we don't know where she is. Now get out!

Rebekah: Caroline, hey, snap out of it.
Caroline: (completely tranced) I need to bleed. Silas wants me to bleed.
Rebekah: Stop it, you're hallucinating!
Caroline: (tries to grab broken glass) Just let me do this. I need to do this!
Rebekah: (holding her back) You're going to cut your hands off!

Stefan: You've been back, what, 5 minutes and you're already laughing at me?
Lexi: No, I've been laughing at you for a while, you just haven't been able to see me.
Stefan: Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?
Lexi: Trust me, I do. Although I see I've been replaced by another blonde?

Matt: In case Caroline didn't thank you for pulling her out of that hallucination earlier... thanks.
Rebekah: I'm just glad I got the chance to knock her upside the face.

Bonnie: You need to get rid of Silas' body.
Damon: Well, there's a slight problem, Medusa. Even though you turned him into stone, if he gets one more drop of blood he's back to his old mind tricks.
Bonnie: All right, so let's do what we should've done to Klaus. Let's drop his body in the middle of the ocean.

Stefan: The truth is, there are no shortcuts. You are a vampire, Elena. Loss is part of the deal. Look, I've been alive for 163 years. I have lost more loved ones than I can count, and it hurts me every single time.
Elena: So there's no hope? You're saying I'm hopeless?
Stefan: No, I'm saying you have to face your grief. But you don't have to do it alone... I can help you.
Elena: Oh, of course you can. God, Stefan! Always trying to help, and you're concerned for me, it's just like...
Stefan: You're transferring your rage onto me, that's good.

Rebekah: Why won't you ever let me help you?
Matt: It's not you, I just... Look, people in this town have a bad habit of turning into vampires, and I'd like to graduate high school as a human.

Graduation [4.23][edit]

Kol: Welcome back. It was our deaths that allowed this day to come to pass, massacres in the name of resurrecting the immortal Silas. 12 hybrids, 12 witches, the slaughter of innocents by the so-called hero protectors of Mystic Falls. They risked unleashing hell on earth for their own selfish gains, and today... that's exactly what they're going to get.

Stefan: Damon, help me celebrate my 17th high school graduation. Hey! You remember my friend Lexi, of course.
Damon: Lexi back from the dead. Goodie.
Lexi: What's up, buzz kill?
Damon: Stefan, you just gonna sit there and let her enact her ghostly revenge?
Stefan: You reap what you sow, buddy.
Lexi: Let's be very clear. Whatever time I have left here I sure as hell don't plan on wasting on you. Got me?
Damon: Yeah. Got you. So if you and Ric and little Gilbert are all flesh-like and real-seeming, that means something went horribly wrong when Bonnie tried to put the veil up, and here you two are having "Dance Party USA".
Stefan: You're right. How selfish of me to be indulging in these precious moments with my formerly dead best friend. I should be sacrificing my own happiness for the good of others, right? I should be upstairs grooming my hero hair.
Damon: Are you drunk?
Stefan: I don't know, mom, am I?
[Lexi laughs]
Damon: Well I guess that's one way to celebrate our supernatural apocalypse. Now care to hazard any guesses in what the hell went wrong?

Bonnie: I hit kind of a snag.
Caroline: A snag? A snag is a bad yearbook picture. You hit a tsunami. Where are you?
Bonnie: Trying to fix it. I'm running into some trouble. I need to wait until the full moon tonight to have enough power to put the veil back up.
Caroline: Are you telling me that we might graduate right smack in the middle of a ghost-filled expression triangle?
Bonnie: Maybe we should just cancel.
Caroline: No! We are not going to cancel. Graduation is the most important event of our lives, the last ceremony of our youth. It is our rite of freaking passage! Hell will freeze over before I let anyone cancel graduation.
Bonnie: Can you not make jokes about hell freezing over? We're not that far off from that already.

Alaric: So you get off on terrorizing innocent people?
Connor: And who might you be?
Alaric: I'm the guy responsible for the 18-year-old you just threatened.
Connor: Well, that 18-year-old snapped my neck with her bare hands.
Alaric: I'm also the guy who showed her how to do that.
Connor: Heh heh. That's ironic. You must not know a damn thing about fighting if you're trying to intimidate a dead guy packing C-4.
Alaric: This is my bar, pal. Nobody's gonna blow it up.

Rebekah: It's just been settled. I'm gonna show you life as you've only dreamt it. We'll start in Italy. There's a lovely little church outside San Vittore in Brienno...
Alexander: Romantic spot, popular for weddings.
Rebekah: And then I'll show you the Northern Lights in the springtime, the Simatai gorge from atop the Great Wall of China, every inch of the Louvre...
Matt: China, Paris, Northern Lights. It's a date.

Katherine: I don't think red's really your color, Bon-Bon.
Bonnie: And here I was hoping the ghost of anyone would have killed you already.
Katherine: Funny you should mention death because I'm here to collect that immortality you've promised me.
Bonnie: Funny you think you're still going to get it. I told you, Qetsiyah's the only witch who knows the immortality spell. If she was a no-show, you're out of luck.
Katherine: See? Here's the thing, Bonnie. I can't disagree with you because I have been feeling out of luck lately, but you know who has been getting all of my luck? My beloved doppelganger, Elena. My shadow self is living a better life than I am, so if I don't get that immortality, I may just have to get rid of her altogether.
Bonnie: Did you just threaten my best friend? I can crush your skull without even flinching.
Katherine: Go ahead. Make your move.

Elena: Hey.
Damon: Hey.
Elena: So I think there's some stuff you and I need to talk about.
Damon: Yes, we do, but first... (holds out the cure) Consider it a graduation present.
Elena: Damon, I can't take that.
Damon: Sure you can. Looks like it might be cherry flavored.
Elena: I'm not saying I don't want it. Obviously I want it, but that's the only one. There's only one cure, and the Hunters have made it pretty clear that they're willing to kill everyone in Mystic Falls until they get it.
Damon: Elena, take the damn thing. I want you to take it.
Elena: I can't.
Damon: Well, I guess that answers the sire bond question. (floor creaks) You gonna help a brother out or you just gonna lurk?
Jeremy: Look, Elena. You're my sister, and I love you no matter what you choose.
Damon: How is it even when you're dead, you're the bane of my existence?

Lexi: You know, you're missing your chance to weigh in on the great Elena Gilbert cure debate.
Stefan: What am I supposed to do, tell her it's her choice? Because that worked out so well. You know, it's funny. Those two are in there arguing about how to protect the world, and they have yet to address their biggest issue.
Lexi: Enlighten me.
Stefan: Sire bond's gone. Elena's emotions are back. She finally knows exactly how she feels.
Lexi: And if whatever she feels is for you...
Stefan: She's the love of my life. I'd go back to her in a heartbeat. But if that's not how she feels, then maybe that's exactly what I need to hear to get my ass out the door. Maybe I will move to Australia. I can live in a yurt.
Lexi: Cheers to that.

Damon: Come on! We don't need the cure for Silas, he's calcified stone. Ugh.
Elena: What was that?
Damon: Nothing.
Elena: Take off your shirt.
Damon: Elena, there are children present.
Elena: Fine. [pulls the collar down to reveal Damon's shoulder] Damon, why isn't this healed?
Damon: Because the bullet was laced with werewolf venom, ok? Hunters are dicks.
Elena: We need Klaus. We need his blood.
Damon: Klaus would rather see me die. Plus, Klaus is a thousand miles away, sipping a hurricane on Bourbon street.
Elena: That wound will kill you.
Jeremy: What about the cure?
Elena: Jeremy's right. If you're human, the werewolf venom won't hurt you.
Damon: And here I was so moved by your speech to save mankind. (listens) Sounds like Vaughn's awake.
Elena: Damon, wait!
[cut to the living room]
Damon: Here.
Stefan: What the hell are you doing?
Damon: Digging up Silas. Coming, Vaughn, or not?

Damon: Here we are!
Vaughn: What is it?
Damon: This is where I dumped Silas. Closed off to hikers, no food for animals, endlessly deep water.
Vaughn: I'm not following you, Damon. Where exactly did you put the body?
Damon: Well, um, let me see. So I-- I dragged his stone ass through here, I flung him in that general direction, and he tumbled down into those weeds. I kinda lost him in the rocks. What do you know about physics? What is it? It's distance equals velocity times time? Guess I should have told you to bring some scuba gear, huh?

Rebekah: Fine. Ok. The first rule of truly living-- do the thing you're most afraid of. [kisses Matt]

Caroline: Klaus, now is not the time to decide that you are over me -- I'm gonna call you every ten minutes until you get your ass here to save Damon's life.

Klaus: There are plenty more of these to go around. Who's next? I can do this all day.

Damon: Hi.
Elena: Are you feeling better?
Damon: Yeah.
Elena: So it's all healed up?
Damon: Fresh as a daisy.
Elena: Good. (slaps him)
Lexi: [listening from the living room] Ouch.
Alaric: Yeah. I taught her that swing.
Stefan: You know it's not polite to eavesdrop, right?
Lexi: Hey, I'm short on time here, don't rob me of what little joy I have.

Lexi: You know there's something else out there, right? There has to be. Silas' whole agenda was to find peace with his one true love, and whatever peace is, it's out there. I figure once we've served our time for all the bad things we've done, then it's just about letting go and moving on.
Alaric: And how are we supposed to do that when the knuckleheads we care about can't seem to keep their lives straight?
Lexi: Yeah.

Stefan: So, uh, what's up?
Elena: Honestly, Stefan, I just wanted to thank you for sticking by me when I was at my worst, for believing that I was still in there. Even after everything I put you through, you... you never gave up on me.
Stefan: I, uh, I kind of owed you one.
Elena: Here. It's yours. I want you to have it.
Stefan: [opens hand to reveal the cure] No, Elena. I'm not--
Elena: Stefan, the only person worse at being a vampire than me is you. Human blood is your downfall. You got the raw end of the vampire deal. The rest of us will be fine. We'll survive. I mean, you taught us! You deserve whatever you want out of life. You deserve this.

Caroline: How'd you get here so fast?
Klaus: I was already on my way. I received your graduation announcement. It's very subtle. I assume you're expecting cash.
Caroline: That or a mini fridge.
Klaus: Well I had considered offering you a first-class ticket to join me in New Orleans, but I knew what your answer would be, so I opted for something I knew you would accept. Tyler is now free to return to Mystic Falls.
Caroline: What?
Klaus: He's your first love. I intend to be your last, however long it takes. [Kisses her cheek] Congratulations, Caroline. Lets get out of here before 12 angry hybrids decide to pick a fight.

Damon: I wanted to apologize.
Elena: Good.
Damon: Let me finish! I said wanted to. And then I realized, I'm not sorry!
Elena: You would rather die than be human, and you expect me to be okay with that?
Damon: I didn't say you were expected to be ok with it, I just said I'm not sorry! You know what I really am? Selfish. Because I make bad choices that hurt you. Yes, I would rather have died than be human. I'd rather die right now than spend a handful of years with you only to lose you when I'm too old and sick and miserable and you're still you. I'd rather die right now than spend my last, final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was because that's who I am, Elena, and I'm not gonna change, and there's no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons that I'm wrong for you.
Elena: Fine. Then I'm not sorry either. I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything. That in death, you're the one that made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person. You've made all the wrong choices, and of all the choices that I have made, this will prove to be the worst one, but I am not sorry that I'm in love with you! I love you, Damon. I love you.

Alaric: You got the girl, man.
Damon: I got the girl.
Alaric: Now don't screw it up.
Damon: Well, with you looking over my shoulder, how can I?

Lexi: New York?
Stefan: Too close.
Lexi: Ohh! Vegas!
Stefan: Oh. No. Too touristy.
Lexi: Look. I know you think I'm joking, but you are leaving. You just graduated for the millionth time. It's time to start living your life.
Stefan: What if Elena was the one?
Lexi: She was, and she will always be an epic love. Contrary to popular belief, there are actually multiple ones, especially for a vampire. The only way to find another is to let go and move on.
Stefan: Never been to Portland. [he looks over to see an empty seat] See you, Lexi.

Katherine: Happy graduation, cupcake.

Elena: Kicking someone while they're down. Classy to the end, Katherine.

Elena: Have a nice human life, Katherine.

Silas: [in Elena's form] Don't bother. I'm not in there anymore.
Stefan: Silas. You were stone. They saw you. The spell worked.
Silas: That's the funny thing about spells. They're bound by nature, and nature demands balance, so every spell has a loophole. The spell that turned me to stone was bound by a witch, a living witch, so when that witch died, the spell broke.
Stefan: Bonnie. Bonnie's not dead.
Silas: Doesn't matter, does it? And here's where the mystery of me comes full circle. I created the immortality spell 2,000 years ago. I could never die, so nature needed to find a balance, a version of me that could die. A shadow self; a doppelganger.
Stefan: So this is finally your real face? You're another one of them?
Silas: Not exactly. Hello, my shadow self.

Season 5[edit]

I Know What You Did Last Summer [5.01][edit]

Silas: Oh. I'm outing myself as not-Stefan. Obviously. Don't be afraid. Don't move.
Sheriff: What's happening?
Silas: We've met before, actually, when I was appearing as your daughter. To bash your head in? Does that ring any bells?
Sheriff: Silas.
Silas: Indeed. I am a 2,000- year-old immortal that Caroline and her friends thought they got rid of.
Sheriff: Are you appearing to me as Stefan?
Silas: Well, yes and no. This is my true form. Stefan is my doppelganger.

Caroline: What if I get a sudden craving and want to eat her?

Silas: Why are you in my brother's bathtub?
Katherine: Why aren't you?
Silas: I will say that's a tempting offer.
Katherine: Mm. He flirts. I like Elena-less Stefan.
Silas: You know, human looks better on you than I would have guessed, Katherine.
Katherine: I think you just accidentally gave me a compliment.
Silas: Nope. I mean it. You sitting here all weak and vulnerable. It works.

Damon: If I hear the word doppelganger one more time, I think I'm gonna actually have to learn how to spell it.

True Lies [5.02][edit]

Caroline: He's deferring from enrolling and deferring from returning my calls, so I'm deferring from having sex with him ever again.

Damon: Please tell me you found her.
Jeremy: I didn't, but Matt did.
Damon: Huh. How shockingly useful.

Katherine: Are these ropes really necessary?
Jeremy: A bullet would have been more effective, but we're trying to be nice.

Katherine: Don't play the hero. You two are just waiting for the convenient time to hand me back over to him. I've done this a thousand times. I get it. I'm the leverage. I'm that thing that everybody wants. I'm the freaking moonstone.

Damon: You do realize that you are dating a reformed serial killer, right?

Jeremy: You are not getting out of the car because you want an aspirin.
Katherine: Then maybe I can get out of the car because I need to pee, like, in a bathroom. Like a lady.

Silas: Look, I get why you like her. I mean, I have a soft spot for brunettes, too. What I don't get is why she likes you.
Damon: That's because you haven't had sex with me.

Caroline: Seriously? That's Jesse! I kind of liked him...

Damon: What did Silas tell you to do?
Elena: Get you alone, weaken you, then kill you.

Jeremy: Get in the truck and drive.
Katherine: Where are you going?
Jeremy: I can't leave Matt.
Katherine: Uh, wai-- huh? How do you think I survived 500 years? It wasn't because I was a vampire. It's because I never looked back. Don't be dumb. Survive.
Jeremy: That's why people treat you like an object and not like a person.

Caroline: I think we need to set some ground rules for when boyfriends come to visit.

Elena: That's Stefan's Daylight ring.
Damon: I snagged it from Silas yesterday. And for the record, I am secure enough in our relationship that you having psychic dreams about your ex-boyfriend does not bother me. ...But it still sucks.
Elena: I love you. We're gonna save Stefan, and I'm still gonna live you, OK?

Original Sin [5.03][edit]

Damon: You must have restless sleep syndrome or something - it's like sleeping with a tornado.

Damon: I know I said that it didn't bother me that you have some psychic connection to your ex-boyfriend, but I don't need a play-by-play, Elena.
Elena: You're right. It's weird. Sorry.
Damon: (sighs) Fine. Tell me. I'm sure whatever's in my imagination is ten times worse than what's going on in your subconscious.
Elena: It was just so vivid. I saw Stefan walking out of this bar. It had a red awning and this broken neon sign, and he was screaming in pain.
Damon: Well, should I go check in the attic, see if there's a crystal ball? Maybe you could conjure up an address.
Katherine: Route 29. Joe's bar. I think I had the exact same dream.

Elena: I know it sounds crazy that I'm following some psychic dream, but it's the only lead that we have.
Damon: It doesn't "sound" crazy, it is crazy. But I'm open-minded.

Damon: Ok...train's leaving the station. Choo-choo.

Silas: You ever play the "What If" game? When you're calcified for 2,000 years you learn to entertain yourself with these little brain teasers.

Stefan: I don't want to hurt you, so get away from me, before I rip your throat out.
Qetsiyah: Hello to you, too. I brought dinner. A vampire doppelganger who's burdened by a conscience. Now I've seen everything.

Qetsiyah: Love bends the rules of possible. Silas and I were the two most powerful members of a gifted people called Travelers. When we were engaged to be married, we decided to reach even further.
Silas: (flashback) I don't ever want to be parted from you, even by death.
Qetsiyah: We wanted to find a way for our love to last forever.
Stefan: Yeah, look. I know the story. Everything was great for Silas until some witch named Qetsiyah or whatever came by and screwed him over, right?
Qetsiyah: Wrong. You don't know the story. Silas convinced Qetsiyah that he loved her so she would make the immortality spell, but when she found out that he was just using her, she dumped him in a tomb with a cure, hoping he would take it and die because she had created a supernatural limbo to trap his soul.
Stefan: Like any other sane, rational, well-adjusted woman would do.
Qetsiyah: Which catches us up to today. Now Silas wants to destroy that supernatural limbo. Once the other side is gone, he can take the cure, become mortal, and die, and finally pass on and find peace.
Stefan: Look. If you really are Silas' one true love and you're not dead, then why don't you just do us a favor and run off into the sunset together?
Qetsiyah: Silas was my true love. I never said I was his. I'm Qetsiyah, that sane, rational, well-adjusted woman you seem to know so much about. Clearly you've heard the man's version of the story, the one where I'm a back-stabbing lunatic who ruined everything for Silas, a raging bitch witch whose obsession with vengeance created a whole new dimension of suffering in the afterlife.
Stefan: What are you doing here? I thought you were dead and on the other side?
Qetsiyah: I was for 2,000 years, but I came back... For you.

Stefan: So Silas was the first version of me and your friend was the first version of Elena?
Qetsiyah: Amara was hardly a friend. When they drank the immortality elixir, they violated the natural law that all living things must die, so nature found a balance by creating mortal shadow selves.
Stefan: Doppelgangers.
Qetsiyah: Like you and Katherine and Elena, all caused by the ripple effect from Silas and Amara's sin.

Damon: Wait, what? No. She almost killed you!
Elena: We don't have time for a detour, Damon - Stefan's hurt. Find him.
Damon: Wait, no! Stop. Just...wait. Any sign of trouble, you let her go - do you understand me? I don't care how bad Silas wants Katherine, she's not worth a hair on your head. You got me? Okay. Kiss me.

Qetsiyah: Have you not been listening to me? I have trust issues. I'm controlling and paranoid and a little crazy. And that's working out just fine.

Damon: What are you doing to my brother?
Qetsiyah: I'm frying Silas' brain. No one said it would be pretty.

Qetsiyah: Don't flatter yourself. It was like watching a soap opera, except boring and with no volume control.

Nadia: You said you were hungry.
Katherine: For food, not packaged poison.

Elena: Tell me what Qetsiyah said back at the cabin.
Damon: She told me that...we don't stand a chance.
Elena: And what does she know about us?
Damon: Well, she told me a very interesting little story about the history of Doppelgangers; how they're fated to fall in love with eachother. Basically, the universe programmed you to fall in love with Stefan, not me. Which means...we're a lost cause no matter what we do. (pauses) I'm paraphrasing.
Elena: ..."The universe"?
Damon: Her words, not mine.
Elena: So...she's crazy.
Damon: Maybe. Maybe she's not...
Elena: Look. I know I spent the last couple days focusing on trying to find Stefan, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, and I'm not gonna let Silas' 2,000-year-old ex-girlfriend screw things up between us.
Damon: You think I am? I mean, no one tells me how I live my life, no one tells me who I love. Especially not some vindictive, prehistoric witch and definitely not the universe. And I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you, or being with you, or building a future with you, because...you are my life.
(Elena leans in to kiss Damon, Stefan wakes up)
Damon: Welcome back, Brother.
Elena: Stefan... We missed you.
Stefan: Uh, I'm sorry. I--I have no idea who you people are.

For Whom The Bell Tolls [5.04][edit]

Damon: Nada?
Stefan: I know "nada" means nothing. I know what day it is, I know what year it is, I know this car has a V-8 engine, and yet I am two journals deep, and I have absolutely no memory of who the hell I am.
Damon: Brutal.

Stefan: (holds up blood bag) Is this supposed to fill me up?
Damon: Well, yes and no. Technically yes, because you're a vampire.
Stefan: Weird.
Damon: Realistically no, because you're, you know, you.
Stefan: Ahh, yes. The insatiable and blood-lusting vampire ripper of Monterrey.
Damon: And we're only in the 1920s, baby.
Stefan: Well, sorry, but this is a lot to process. (starts to toss the empty blood bag out the window)
Damon: (grabs it from him) You're a vampire - not a cave man.

Stefan: So let me get this straight. I helped you steal this car, I found out I was a vampire who killed his own father, and yet I don't litter?
Damon: You're a man of principle, Stefan, who had his memories erased by a 2,000-year-old witch.
Stefan: Yeah, well I bet that 2,000-year-old witch probably drives a little faster than you.

Stefan: Let me guess - (points to himself) "fun brother", (points to Damon) "safe brother."
Damon: (hits the gas)
Stefan: What are you doing?
Damon: Do you trust me?
Stefan: Do I really have a choice?
Damon: Nope. (sends car into a tailspin; crashes it)

Stefan: Oh... (chuckles) Okay. I got it. You're the fun brother.

Elena: OK, Dr. Forbes. Since when do you know so much about amnesia?
Caroline: It's possible I studied up on my chem, biochem, applied microbio, molecular bio, and "Gray's Anatomy" - the real one and the television show.

Stefan: This town always so upbeat about dead people?
Damon: Well, in the theme of morbid town tradition, you go back to the 1820s when everyone was so paranoid about the cholera thing that they would occasionally bury a body a wee bit before its time.
Stefan: So we have a holiday dedicated to burying people alive?
Damon: Well, they were so paranoid that they would actually request to be buried with a string attached to a bell above the ground, and then the whole family would hang around the grave for 24 hours in hopes of hearing the bell and that their loved one would come back, but now it's just really-- it's a really kick-ass excuse to get hammered.

Damon: Well unfortunately, Stefan, there are two types of vampires in the world, OK? There are those who can handle moderation, and then there's you.

Stefan: What kind of name is Honoria Fell?
Damon: Shh. You're kind of the one that killed her.
Stefan: Oh.

Stefan: Well, I, uh, I certainly hope your family history was happier than mine.
Elena: Well, let's see. In the last three years, I lost my adoptive parents, my birth parents, my aunt, our guardian Alaric, and my brother Jeremy died, although he came back to life, so there's that.
Stefan: Wait. Jeremy that lives in our house?
Elena: Yeah. After I had a breakdown and burned my house to the ground.
Stefan: Hmm.
Elena: What?
Stefan: How do I not remember you? I mean, you're smart, you're pretty, you're funny. Obviously, you're the strongest woman in the world if you managed to figure out a way to get through all that.
Elena: I surround myself with amazing people who help me through it. Like you. You're one of those people.
Stefan: So bonded by death? Please don't tell me that we meet in a cemetery. (Elena grins) Really? We met in a cemetery?
Elena: Well, no. Officially, we met somewhere else first, but... Um, you want to see?
Stefan: Yeah, sure.

Jesse: Togavirus. Go.
Caroline: Togavirus causes congenital rubella, whatever that is.
Jesse: OK, hot shot. Red Queen theory.
Caroline: A theory often used to explain a contradictory relationship between predator and prey.
Jesse: And why does the supposedly weaker species always stay one step ahead?
Caroline: Fear of extinction. The rabbit is faster than the fox because the fox is chasing its dinner. The rabbit's running for its life.

Stefan: I'm good right? I'm compassionate. I live with this burning hunger inside of me that allows me to stay in control... But what do I have to show for it? Huh?
Jesse: I don't know you man!
Stefan: I have no memories because my brain was fried, my brother, who's been my brother for 160 some odd years, stole my girlfriend....and my girlfriend let him. So, you tell me... what's the point of being good?

Monster's Ball [5.05][edit]

Elena (voice over): Dear Diary, do you ever get sick of me writing about death?

(Elena doesn't pick up)
Damon: Busted.
Elena: Hey.
Damon: Hey, Miss avoiding me for three days.
Elena: Avoiding my? What? We've been talking.
Damon: Texting one time. "Want to be my plus one at a costume party?" Winky face.

Nadia: In 1864, there was a vampire roundup in Mystic Falls.
Katherine: Was there? I'm bad with dates.
Nadia: Word on the street is that you sold out many vampires, including your best friend Pearl and her daughter Annabelle.
Katherine: I was running from Klaus. I needed to jet solo. I threw a couple of vampire names on a hit list. Sue me. I also impersonated a teenager to get my ex-boyfriends to make out with me, staged a fake fight to trigger my lover's werewolf curse, ooh, and I chopped off this douchey guy's fingers with a butcher knife once. That was cool.
Nadia: What about ripping a mother away from her daughter? Having her killed for your own benefit?
Katherine: What are you getting at?
Nadia: Now a little bit about me. I had myself turned into a vampire to hunt you, to even the playing field, to track your every move for however long it took me until I found you, and I did this because you killed my mother. It happened in Paris, 1645.
Katherine: I go to Paris for shoes. The shoes I remember. Everything else requires a few more details.
Nadia: Her name was Lily Atoma. You were on the run from Klaus. She took you in, but when his minions show up, you pointed at my mom, and you said, "That is Katerina Petrova. She is the one you want." So they took her away.
Katherine: You were never going to let me go, were you?
Nadia: No, but I'd hate for you die on an empty stomach.

Tyler: Did I mention you're the hottest serial killer in here?
Caroline: Well, considering the crowd, I'll take that as a compliment.
Tyler: I thought you got Stefan a costume.
Caroline: He's James Dean. I went easy on him. I figured between the blood lust drama, the Damon-Elena drama, the amnesia drama, he's been through enough.

Damon: Lady Ann Boleyn. Now, who in their right mind would cut off a head so gorgeous?
Elena: Uh, you, my King, my not-so-loving husband.
Damon: Well, maybe I can dance my way out of this doghouse.

Tessa: Where I come from, open bar meant ceramic jugs of Phoenician wine.
Stefan: Ok.
Tessa: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Stefan: No offense, but actually, I have no idea who a lot of people are.
Tessa: Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah.
Stefan: The girl who wiped my memories.
Tessa: Nothing personal, little ex-boyfriend drama. Let me make it up to you, buy you an "I'm sorry" drink.
Damon: More like an "I'm sorry" keg. Pardon us.

Damon: So you want to explain to me why I just killed my brother?
Silas: Well, Tessa's spell mentally linked us. I lost my psychic abilities. Stefan lost his memories.
Damon: And this severed the link?
Silas: Yes, Damon. I can read your mind again. No. I'm not lying, and maybe you enjoyed breaking your brother's neck just a little bit too much.

Katherine: I want to know why you made up that fake story about your mom.
Nadia: It was a test. You failed.
Katherine: I knew it was a fake story. By 1645, I'd been running from Klaus for a century and a half. There's no way any of his minions would have mistaken anyone for me. But you know how my brain works, right? So you must have known that I wouldn't have fallen for that sob story.
Nadia: I wanted to get under your skin, and it worked because here you are.
Katherine: What kind of sick game are you playing?
Nadia: It's not a game, Katherine. You did kill my mother, but it wasn't Paris. It was in a little cottage in England, and it wasn't 1645. It was April 6, 1492, and she was all alone, exiled by her family two years earlier. You stuck her head in a noose, pushed her off the chair, and snapped her neck.
Katherine: Who are you?
Nadia: My name... is Nadia Petrova... and you are my mother.

Handle With Care [5.06][edit]

Elena: Quiet, still, peaceful. I like our life when it's like this.
Damon: But this is our life, which probably means that somebody's gonna walk through that door and shatter it.
Elena: Oh, don't say that.
Damon: In 10...9...
Elena: Just let me enjoy the moment.
Damon: 6...5...
Elena: Damon, today is the day that we're gonna bring Bonnie back. It's a good day.
Damon: 3...2...
Elena: Damon, it's a good day.
Silas: Greetings.
Damon: One.
Silas: Good morning, frenemies.

Silas: Oh, you don't think that I keep my promises,
Elena: You said that now you're a witch again you would bring Bonnie back from the other side.
Silas: I did, and I can.
Elena: And you promised Damon that you would to that if he helped you.
Silas: Yeah.
Elena: But you're kind of evil. No offense.
Silas: None taken.
Elena: So I'm just trying to figure out how I can trust one of your last acts in this world will be to bring my best friend back.
Silas: Did you want me to pinky swear?

Damon: New Jersey? The supernatural other world is bound by an object in Snooki's backyard?

Tessa: You know that old, ancient story I told you about the Travelers? Oh, wait. You don't. I fried your brain and took your memories. Sorry. The Travelers- you know how Silas wants to destroy the other side so he can be at peace with that slut Amara that he calls his one true love? The Travelers don't want that.
Stefan: Why not?
Tessa: Not important. Scratch that. Very important. I'm just not gonna answer it.

Silas: Knock, knock. (No answer) Knock, knock. Who's there? The Mayor. The Mayor who?
Damon: Well, who?
Silas: No one. That's the joke. No ones there because I killed the Mayor.
Jeremy: You're a dick.

Damon: Tessa may be insane, but she's a bona fide genius. 2,000 years old, immortal, indestructible. The anchor isn't a thing. It's a person.

Amara: I love you, Silas. I'm so sorry. I have to be cured. I can't live another day.

Damon: Elena, meet crazy pants. Crazy pants, meet Elena.

Death and the Maiden [5.07][edit]

Silas: I love love. I do. Yeah. I have a soul mate, too, you know, that love at first sight, want to live forever, love is eternal kind of love? Amara. That's her name. See, the problem is when I first meet Amara, I was with another woman, so I kind of cheated on her, which to be honest with you, it really wouldn't have been that big of a deal except it turned out that the other woman was a raging lunatic. So when she found out that I cheated on her, she freaked out, turned Amara into stone, like, literally, Medusa style.
Guy: Dude, are you, like, ok?
Silas: What do you mean? You think I'm crazy? Why do you think I'm crazy? All I've wanted for the last 2,000 years is to reunited with the love of my life. How's that crazy?
Girl: Maybe the turned her into stone part.
Guy: Or the 2,000 years part.
Silas: No. Guys, we were both immortal, and now we're not. Hello? Look. The point is I finally had the chance to hold Amara in my arms, and what does she do? She jams a chunk of glass in my carotid artery. Look, look.
Guy: No, thanks.
Silas: Listen, you two. Here's my advice. Live it up. You know, enjoy this love while it lasts because let me tell you something. Just a couple of days ago, I was psychic, I was immortal, I was in love. Now my neck hurts, my soul is crushed, I'm sitting in a bus stop in frigging Delaware.
Girl: You're in Philly.
Silas: Im in Philly? Ohh! God, it's even worse.
Guy: (Doubles over clutching his side) Ow!
Girl: What's going on, babe? Hey. What's going on? Hey. Talk to me. (He starts gagging up blood) Oh, my god. What's happening? What are you doing to him?
Silas: I think I'm liquefying his internal organs. Did I fail to mention that I'm a witch?
Girl: Please stop. Please just stop.
Silas: No! I'm pissed off at the world, and I'm taking it out on your so-called lover. And I'm thinking you might be my next victim. (girl runs away) Look at that! Unbelievable. Love is so damn fickle. Incredible. Here you go, buddy. Come on up, come on up, come on up. Up you go. That's good, good. Buses, however... tried and true.

Damon: October 1852.
Stefan: You broke my nose trying to teach me how to throw a right hook.
Damon: But not on purpose just to be clear. How much did you pay for that hunk of junk motorcycle that you ride?
Stefan: That's a trick question. You bought me that motorcycle, although I'm guessing it was pretty expensive.
Damon: So Tessa just gave you back your memories, no strings attached?
Stefan: Well, it wasn't exactly a gift. It was a lot to take in all at once, everything from blowing out the candles on my first birthday cake...drowning in a safe.

Katherine: So what am I looking at here, hmm, blood clot, tumor, what?
Max: I did a full workup on your blood, Katherine. It's clean.
Katherine: My hair is going gray, and my teeth are falling out. I'm not sure what the suggests, but it's definitely not health.
Max: Patient is irritable. Not sure if this is a symptom or personality.
Katherine: (breaks the recorder) Personality. Now tell me exactly what the hell is going on with me.
Max: You're aging.
Katherine: What?
Max: You said you were turned into a vampire 500 years ago, give or take, and now that your human, let's say time is catching up with you.
Katherine: Ok. Ok. Well, how do we stop it?
Max: We don't. It's just life running its course quicker than normal.
Katherine: How much quicker?
Max: If it continues at this rate, you have a few months. I'm sorry.

Jeremy: Relax. I'm-- I'm just bringing dinner.
Amara: I know you.
Jeremy: I don't think so.
Amara: You're the Hunter. I never forget a face, but Silas killed you. You're dead.
Jeremy: I was. I came back.
Amara: How? I said how? (to Bonnie) It was you, wasn't it? You're a witch. You brought him back.
Bonnie: You can see me?
Amara: Of course I can see you. I'm not blind. I have eyes. Or are you dead? I get so mixed up. I can't tell the difference between the living and the dead.
Jeremy: Can you see people on the other side?
Amara: I am the anchor to the other side. I can see everything. Gah! Don't touch me! Please don't-- don't touch me.
Bonnie: I can touch her.
Jeremy: Ok. That's weird.
Bonnie: Jer, I think I've got an idea.
(Scene shift)
Jeremy: Amara could see Bonnie, and Bonnie could touch her. They made physical contact. It's like Amara's got a foot on each side or something.
Elena: Amara exists in both places at once, here and the other side?
Damon: Then she's not crazy crazy, she's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around in our basement.
Bonnie: That's not the point.
Jeremy: The point is, if Silas isn't going to help us, what if Bonnie could be the same thing? What if she existed on both sides at once? What if she became the anchor?
Elena: You're right. Jeremy, you're right. So all we need is someone who could do that spell.
Damon: Oh, please don't say who I think you're gonna say.
Elena: Think about it. Silas wants Amara to die, and Amara wants Amara to die, so who besides us is the one person with the biggest stake against letting that happen?
(Scene shift)
Damon: I was hoping we could talk.
Tessa: And I was hoping you were my Chinese food. Good-bye.
Damon: You remember Amara, right, brunette, brown eyes, I'm surprisingly not in love with her?
Tessa: What about her?
Damon: Well, she took the cure, she wants to die, and we have her.
Tessa: But she's alive?
Damon: For now. Silas is literally on his way here to kill her. He's completely obsessed with destroying the other side so that he and Amara can live happily ever after in the great beyond. Man, you were right about these Doppelgängers. They do always end up together. So how does it feel to say, "I told you so"?
Tessa: Like I want to shoot fireballs at Silas and drown him in acid.
Damon: See? That's what I thought. So how would you feel about making us a deal?

Damon: So here's my pitch. In order to keep the other side in place, you need something to anchor the spell, right, something powerful, like an immortal being powerful. Now Amara was obviously a great choice until she downed the cure, so would you consider someone who's dead but stuck on the other side a viable candidate?
Tessa: An anchor swap?
Damon: Because I've got a volunteer.
Tessa: I'd be making a ghost a human toll booth between our side and the other side, giving her the power to interact with our physical world and the supernatural purgatory.
Damon: So what's the problem?
Tessa: I need a massive amount of power to do a transfer spell like that.
Damon: Fine. Name your poison.
Tessa: I need something to draw on. The moon's not full, I don't think there's a worthy comet for another couple billion years.
Damon: think hard. I have a girlfriend at home who misses her best friend and a wacky stowaway on suicide watch. It's ridiculous.
Tessa: Doppelgängers. They're powerful, mystically, naturally recurring.
Damon: You want Doppelgänger blood? I got Doppelgängers coming out of my ears. How many do you want?

Nadia: You hate junk food. You call it toxic poison.
Katherine: Yeah? Well, I've decided to live a little. Now may I be excused, scary vampire daughter?
Nadia: You've been avoiding me, I don't like it.
Katherine: clearly.
Nadia: We had a moment you and i, there was a bond. and then nothing. You abandoned me all over again.
Katherine: Okay. first of all, i never abandoned you, you were snatched out of my arms at birth because my father thought i was a knocked up shameful slut. and second of all, it's been 500 years, do we really have to do this whole mother-daughter bonding thing? the estrangement is so much easier, don't you think?
Caroline: sorry to Interrupt the world's weirdest lunch, [to Katherine] but you with the Doppelgänger blood, duty calls.
Katherine: wonderful, now that Katherine is a human and fragile, everyone thinks that they can just boss her around.

Dead Man on Campus [5.08][edit]

Caroline: Who the hell turned you into a vampire?

Stefan: Look, I thought that killing Silas would allow me to move on with my life, but I was wrong. I spent my summer locked in a safe. One minute, I think I'm fine, the next minute I feel like I'm dying all over again.
Katherine: Oh. Classic PTSD. You survived a pretty traumatic event, and now you're back, and you've got nothing but free time to just relive that terrible experience in the safe. Well, allow me to give your life a purpose. Help me with one little favor.
Stefan: Should have known this was gonna come around to you needing something from me.
Katherine: I'm just trying to help. What would I know about post-traumatic stress? I only had my newborn ripped from my arms by my judgmental father ,and then had to run 500 years after my entire family had been slaughtered by a psychopath. But hey, that didn't have any lingering side effects...

The Cell [5.09][edit]

Damon: Love what you've done with the place. You know, if this whole boarding house thing doesn't pan out, you can always turn it into a high-class brothel.

Katherine: (voice-over) Dear Diary, so here I am alive. Stefan saved me from killing myself. Now he's got me on suicide watch. He says it will be therapeutic for me to write down my feelings about the fact that I'm dying and there's nothing I can do about it. Deep thoughts, mortal coil, blah, blah, blah. Ugh. My hand's tired. (to Stefan) What kind of sentimental idiot writes down everything hey feel? Is this what the prophecy meant when it said that all the Doppelgängers were drawn together like magnets? Because if it is, I any my money back.
Stefan: I'm just trying to make sure you don't slit your wrists.
Katherine: Well, this whole neurotic granny vibe doesn't exactly make me want to live. Do you really have nothing better to do than stand there all day and watch me write in cursive?
Stefan: I'm trying to make sure you don't kill yourself.
Katherine: And how are you going to do that, you know, since you're still having your little panic attacks?
Stefan: I'm fine.
Katherine: Yeah. Of course. You are the picture of mental health, Stefan, after being locked for 3 months in a safe at the bottom of a quarry.
Stefan: I am dealing with it.
Katherine: I know. I mean, I heard you "dealing" with it earlier today in the library. It sounded like you freaked out and broke a chair, maybe even two. How are you supposed to help me stay alive if you can't even help yourself?
Stefan: So does this mean you want to live?
Katherine: No. It means that I can't work with people who can't give me 100%.

Dr. Whitmore: Your body heals others, your body heals itself. You'll regenerate parts of internal organs after I remove them.
Damon: Listen. How I got this amazing body has nothing to do with science, so running-- (Dr Whitmore stabs a knife into his eye) aah!

Fifty Shades of Grayson [5.10][edit]

Katherine: What the hell happened to you?
Damon: Ditto. Elena's not here by any chance, is she?
Katherine: I haven't seen her, not that I've been looking.
Damon: Stefan, you awake?
Katherine: You know, he hasn't seen her either. I know because we were together ... All night.
Damon: Look, I've had a really crappy couple of days, ok? If you're implying what I think you're implying--
Katherine: Why? What were you thinking? That our hot, naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion?
Damon: I'm gonna barf.
Katherine: Great. Then my work here is done. Too-do-loo.

Stefan: Where the hell have you been?
Damon: Aw, you know, being held against my will, shot in the head, and now I can't find Elena. How was your evening? Anything out of the ordinary happen?
Stefan: Wait a minute. What do you mean you can't find Elena?
Damon: I mean, she's not picking up her phone, she's not in her dorm, she's nowhere in this house, which leads me to believe that Dr. Creepy Ken doll has her somewhere.
Stefan: Are you talking about the Whitmore bio teacher?
Damon: Yeah, the one that operates on vampires during business hours, yeah, that one. Put your hero hair on, Stefan. Let's go get Elena.
Stefan: You just said you don't know where she is.
Damon: I don't, which means we're gonna have to find us some leverage. So come on.

Damon: Pop quiz. So your girlfriend's taken by a mad scientist. Now do you: a) get a new girlfriend; b) call the police; or c) kill someone close to that mad scientist.

Damon: A hundred pages of horrific torture, and you find the one happy passage.

Elena: I'm not defending you. I'm not defending your decision to kill Aaron's entire family, to go out of the town and kill his aunt while we are so together.
Damon: So why are you still here? I'm bad Elena. I'm bad for you! So why wouldn't have you run away from me as far as humanly possibile?
Elena: 'Cause I love you, Damon. Because I chose you and I stand by my choice.
Damon: Now I'm choosing. And I'm choosing to let you go.
Elena: What?! No, Damon.
Damon: I'm choosing to not to think about you must feel every time some ghost from my past comes in our lives. I'm choosing to relieve you of having to defend me for every awful thing I've ever done.
Elena: Stop acting like I'm perfect! Damon, I've done horrible things too. You think I wanna stand here and judging you after you've tortured for 5 years?
Damon: Stop defending me! I won't change who I am. I can't. But I refuse to change you.

500 Years of Solitude [5.11][edit]

Bonnie: So that's it? You're just giving up?
Caroline: As she should! I mean, he did say-- and I quote-- "I am a bad person. I am bad for you and I am choosing to let you go."
Elena: You memorized my breakup?
Caroline: Of course I did.

Caroline: It's Stefan.
Elena: Tell him I don't feel like talking.
Bonnie: She doesn't feel like talking.
Caroline: (to Stefan) She doesn't feel like talking.

Damon: Rule number one, think of the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done to you. Rule number two, toast to the glory of her impending death. Rule number three, if you come across something that's worse-- which you will-- repeat rules one and two. She pretended to be buried in a tomb for 145 years while I waited for her lying ass. (Damon drinks) Wait. Does that beat pretended to be Elena and kissing me on the front porch of your old house?
Jeremy: I don't think so.
Damon: I don't think so either, damn. Quarterback, go.
Matt: Uh....
Damon: Think on that. Little Gilbert.
Jeremy: She fed me to Silas, and I died.
Damon: Doozy.
Jeremy: Then she made me crash my car into a pole and left me for dead. Again.
Damon: Doubly doozy. Drink.
Matt: My sister's dead because of her.
Damon: Yes, she is because I wouldn't have even been in town to turn Vicki into a murderous vampire if I wasn't trying to get Katherine out of the tomb she wasn't in. Group shot.
Elena: Seriously?
Matt: Elena, we were just, uh--
Elena: I know what you're doing. (to Jeremy) You're cut off. If anyone is drinking to Katherine's last days, it's gonna be me. She impersonated me repeatedly... Made Aunt Jenna stab herself in the stomach and cut off Uncle John's fingers.
Jeremy: He might have deserved that.
Bonnie: My Grams died trying to close a tomb. She wasn't in.
Caroline: Tyler's werewolf curse got triggered because of her.
Elena: Klaus followed her to Mystic Falls, and because of that, we lost Jenna.
Damon: And Alaric.
Matt: We're gonna need more booze.
Elena: She tried to kill me at least twice.
Caroline: She did kill me, although I'm weirdly better off.

Damon: Rumor has it she burnt down the entire city of Atlanta once.
Jeremy: That might win.
Stefan: All right. Knock it off or take it somewhere else. You guys are being insensitive.
Damon: Come on, Stefan. Don't let the sight of a frail, human, Elena look-alike cloud your memories of the manipulative psycho that she is.
Stefan: In 1864, Katherine moved into my home, she compelled me to love her, seduced my brother, fed us full of vampire blood, and then started a war with the town that got us killed.
Damon: Exactly. Bottoms up.
Stefan: But centuries before that, she was just an innocent girl who was shunned by her family, so for 500 years, she lied and manipulated and did whatever she had to do survive, and she did. She's a survivor, right. So that's the girl that I will drink to today. Cheers.
Damon: Please. One night of hot sex with her, and your brainwashed?
Elena: What?!
Bonnie: What?!
Caroline: Oh, my-- I forgot to tell you. You were kidnapped and hostages and--
Stefan: Bottle's empty actually.
Damon: That's why you never send a busboy to do a man's job. Nadia, the devil's spawn. Hey, Caroline. Did you remember to tell Elena that?
Elena: I think my mind just exploded.

Klaus: You're not even the least bit curious as to why I'm here?
Caroline: I literally just whooshed at the sight of your face, so no.
Klaus: Damon informed me that Katerina Petrova has taken a tragic turn.
Caroline: So you're here to gloat over her corpse to be, to delight in the closure of 500 years of revenge! Great! Now I'm even less interested.

John: Hello, fingers. Goodbye, fingers.

Stefan: Guess it's a good thin I'm not claustrophobic anymore.
Elena: That's what Katherine helped you with-- Silas aftermath.
Stefan: She did.
Elena: Can I just hate her anyway?
Stefan: You can.
Elena: Thank you.
Stefan: But I don't. I know I should, but for some reason, I keep rooting for her to find peace. Katherine's not the only one, you know? Damon keeps pushing you away because he hates himself, who he is, what's he done. Just remember that you never gave up on me, so don't give up on him. Don't let him give up on you either, ok?

Klaus: So the quarterback has been saved. What now?
Caroline: Don't you have a dying girl to go punish for all of her sins?
Klaus: I do, but I won't for you.
Caroline: So you came all the way to Mystic Falls just to back off when I ask you to?
Klaus: No. I came all the way to Mystic Falls to gloat over a corpse to be, as you so poetically put it, but I will leave minus the gloating in return for one small thing.
Caroline: And what is that?
Klaus: I want your confession.
Caroline: My confession? I didn't do anything. Confession about what?
Klaus: Me. As soon as we're done here, I'm gonna walk away, and I'm never coming back. You'll never again have to look me in the eye and cover our connection with hostility and revulsion. You'll never have to loathe the darkest parts of yourself that care fore in spite of all I've done. I will be gone, and you will be free. I just... Want you to be honest with me.
Caroline: I'm in college. I'm building a life for myself. I have plans and a future and things that I want, and none of those things involve you, ok, none of them.
Klaus: I see.
Caroline: No, you don't because, yes, I cover our connection with hostility because, yes, I hate myself for the truth, so if you promise to walk away like you said an never come back, then, yes, I will be honest with you. I will be honest with you about what I want.
Klaus: I will walk away, and I'll never come back, I promise.
Caroline: (steps closer) Good. (kisses Klaus)

Stefan: You know, I was in a dark place, Damon.
Damon: And Katherine pulled you out of it. Irony abounds.
Stefan: You know, whatever is going on with you and Elena, you need to fix it. She's the best thing that ever happen to you.
Damon: You think I don't know that? I can't live without her... But when you think about it, I'm no better than Katherine. Elena will be happier without me. What, I'm being selfless? Don't give me that look.
Stefan: I'm not giving you a look.
Damon: Katherine fricking Pierce has a selfless moment, I'm not allowed to? Fine. Fine. When I get Elena back and the whole universe freaks out because the fated Doppelgängers are torn apart, just remember you-- you're the one that pep talked me out of doing the right thing for the universe and all mankind.
Stefan: I will keep that in mind.
Damon: You do that.

Matt: So this anchor thing, does it mean that you'll, like, be able to feel Katherine's death or whatever?
Bonnie: I think so. I mean, she's human, but she's also a Doppelgänger and Traveler apparently.
Matt: So who else do you see over there? Anybody I know?
Bonnie: I see lots of people. My Grams, the other witches. Vicki. I just don't talk about it, you know, I just--
Vicki: Because it's depressing as hell. Tell Matty I love him.
Matt: What's happening?
Bonnie: She's here. She said she loves you.
Vicki: Tell him that I watch over him and no more knocking around with that blond original chick who almost got him killed.
Matt: Wait. Wait. What's happening? What am I missing?
Tyler: Me.
Caroline: Tyler?
Tyler: Rebekah says to tell you that I'm her parting gift. Hey, Care.
Caroline: Hi.
Stefan: We've really gone through four bottles of bourbon today?
Alaric: Can someone really tell these idiots to lay off the booze?
Bonnie: Oh, my god.
Jeremy: Alaric?
Damon: Ric's here?
Jeremy: Where the hell have you been? I thought you bailed on us to go find peace or something.
Alaric: Do you honestly think I'd leave Damon in charge and never look back?
Damon: He's talking about me, isn't he?
Jeremy: He says you're a dick.
Damon: Cheers, buddy.
Alaric: Cheers.
Bonnie: Katherine.
Damon: Ding-dong. Does that mean the witch is dead?
Katherine: No. Uh-uh. It's too soon. I can't.
(Katherine wakes up gasping in Stefan's room)
Elena: Wow, you really don't want to die, do you? I swear I just heard your heat stop.
Katherine: Where am I?
Elena: Still alive... Sadly.
Katherine: I thought I was a goner there for a second, but I still have unfinished business.
Elena: So do I. I had this whole speech that I was preparing to give your unconscious body.
Katherine: Let me guess. Hate, loathe, screw you, die, bitch, et cetera.
Elena: Yes. Plus one more thing. I forgive you.
Katherine: You what?
Elena: I forgive you. You weren't born evil. Your life made you that way. You lost everyone that you cared about way too young, and you didn't have a family that looked after you. Sound familiar?
Katherine: Is this the... "We're not so different you and I" Doppelgänger speech? Because I'd be happy to skip it.
Elena: I'll save it for the funeral that we probably won't have for you.
Katherine: Perfect.
Elena: I just wanted to get the forgiveness part out. It's part of me that I... I never want to lose.
Katherine: Good for you. Now maybe you can help a girl out and give me one more syringe, and if anyone's gonna plunge a needle in me one last time, may as well be you. Symmetry and all that. Elena... Thank you for your forgiveness.
Elena: You're welcome.
Katherine: Jaryakat a zem. Daryeet acza.

The Devil Inside [5.12][edit]

Stefan: Hey, I need a favor. You know how Damon was trying to be all noble and broke up with Elena?
Caroline: Of course. There was champagne.
Stefan: Yeah. Well, I kind of convinced him he was an idiot.
Caroline: You what?!
Stefan: And now he's in a bit of a mood, and something tells me that he's been trying to get ahold of Elena, but she hasn't been returning his phone calls.
Caroline: Look. I would love to help if I thought he was actually good for her, but I don't.
Stefan: Caroline, how would you like to be judged solely based on who you're attracted too? Come on.
Caroline: Why? Do you know something?
Stefan: Why? Should I know something?
Caroline: I just mean are you sure that this is you really want? You know, Elena and Damon or Damon and Elena, or-- I know that there's a nickname in there somewhere.
Stefan: Listen. I actually think that Elena is good for Damon. She makes him happy, and we all know that when Damon is happy...
Caroline: He's not out there killing people, which I guess is a plus for mankind.
Stefan: Exactly.
Caroline: But even if I wanted to help, she's not here. I thought that she was with you.
Stefan: She told me she was staying at Whitmore.
Caroline: Ok. That's weird. Well, where the hell is she?

Damon: You? You hate me. You once told me that calling me Satan was an insult to Satan.
Caroline: Well... Nobody's perfect.

Total Eclipse of the Heart [5.13][edit]

Tyler: I have to pee.
Nadia: Hybrids pee?
Matt: There's got to be a fire hydrant joke in there somewhere.
Tyler: Hilarious.

Jeremy: You're not gonna hurt me. Elena would--
Damon: Elena would what? Hurt me, dump me? Been there, done that, wrote the country song.
Bonnie: Kill you. She would kill you.
Damon: Cool. And then me and all her doppelgängers could start a baseball team on the Other Side.

Stefan: Hey, Damon. Don't bother coming back.
Damon: I wasn't planning on it.

Stefan: [to Katherine] The truth is, ever since the first time I noticed you falling for my brother, I have been waiting for him to screw something up so badly that you hate him. So I've been waiting and watching him do all these horrible things and then every single time I think he's gone too far, he's there for you, sometimes in ways better than I ever was. So the truth is, after a while I just stopped waiting for him to fail because I liked the person he had become -- and I don't want to lose that person.

No Exit [5.14][edit]

Caroline: Good news, bad news. Bad news is that when this happened to Jesse we had to kill him, but the good news is... I'm sorry. Usually there is some good news.

Katherine: Give them your phone number. I assume that your phone does receive incoming calls, right? Or is it from the Han Dynasty just like your car?

Katherine: (Enzo called Stefan with Damon's phone) Oh, my god. Damon?
Enzo: Hello, Stefan. How wonderful to hear your beautiful feminine voice.
Katherine: Enzo. What the hell do you want?
Enzo: I'm in a spot of trouble, actually.
Katherine: Where's Damon?
Enzo: Oh, he's here, salivating, about to chomp into my neck and feed until my head pops off in a grotesque but slightly comical fashion.

Damon: What the hell is wrong with you?

Stefan: Hey. When did you get here?
Caroline: Eh, about 1 1/2 of these ago. You were right. I brought this on myself. I knew the Klaus thing was gonna come with consequences. Guess no I just have to deal with it and learn from my mistakes.
Stefan: Glad I could help. So did you find Matt?
Caroline: Yes, and Tyler was right. Nadia's been compelling him to forget things.
Stefan: What do you mean? What kind of things?
Caroline: Who knows? He tried to message me, but Nadia stopped him. "Help. K" was all I got.
Stefan: Huh.
Caroline: So you and Elena? What's the verdict?
Stefan: Um, well, the verdict is she's acting strange. She kissed me.
Caroline: Excuse me?
Stefan: Yeah. My car broke down, so we got a hotel room so she could shower-
Caroline: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys got a hotel room with a shower?
Stefan: Yeah, but it wasn't like that. I mean, I stopped it obviously. I couldn't do that to Damon.
Caroline: Yeah, but she could? I just--I don't get it. She knows that would destroy him. What is she doing?
Stefan: That's what I mean. It's like she's given up on Damon, and he thinks that she was trying to get me to kill him tonight.
Caroline: No. I mean, she may be mad at him, but she would never want him dead.
Stefan: Unless... Matt texted you, "Help. K," before Nadia stopped him. "K," as in Katherine, and when Katherine was dying, Nadia figured out a way to put Katherine's spirit inside Nadia's body.
Caroline: Yeah, but that didn't happen because Katherine had a change of heart. No. No. You don't think that-- it's impossible that she's be-- we would have noticed. It's Elena. We know her. Oh, my god.

Gone Girl [5.15][edit]

Damon: She's brilliant.
Stefan: We haven't noticed that Katherine's been inhabiting Elena's body for weeks, and that's all you've got to say?
Damon: Yep.
Stefan: And you realize that it was Katherine who broke up with you, it wasn't Elena?
Damon: Eh-huh.
Stefan: So, your little murder spree with Enzo where you killed Aaron, you nearly killed Jeremy, tried to kill Wes but you got infected with that ripper virus-- that was all you reacting to Katherine.
Damon: I'm trying to figure out why you decided to tell a starving, bloodthirsty, vampire-feeding ripper that his nemesis is still walking around alive and well while I am stuck in this cell and can't do anything about it.
Stefan: I have it under control.
Damon: I'd love to hear this.

Damon: I need more.
Stefan: Too bad.
Damon: That was nothing.
Stefan: That's exactly 4 ounces. When you were out killing vampires, you said one vampire kept you good for 8 hours. So, our friend Caroline did a little bit of math--
Damon: Caroline?
Stefan: Relax. She had a calculator. So, 4 ounces 3 times a day should be just enough to help manage the hunger.

Damon: I need blood.
Tyler: You just had your lunch 30 minutes ago.
Damon: Or you could give me a couple sips of that hybrid juice. I can be on my way and I'll take up my ripper situation with Wes.
Tyler: Not gonna happen.
Damon: Can I ask you a question without you getting all wolf man on me?
Tyler: Do I have a choice?
Damon: Why are you still here?
Tyler: I'm a hybrid, and you need a babysitter.
Damon: Oh, no, I mean here, in Mystic Falls, here. Your family's all dead, and I don't see you getting a job at the grill. Yet I don't see you in a Whitmore hoodie, either. Something tells me that there's a little masochistic voice inside your head that's trying to convince you that you and Caroline still have a fighting chance in hell.
Tyler: I think you have enough problems without having to worry about me.
Damon: You're probably right. One small difference between you and me - you want to hear it?
Tyler: Not especially.
Damon: You see, even after all the terrible things I do, Elena still chose me. Because she's fighting for me. Caroline, on the other hand, chose the nuclear option. You know that big, red button that just nukes your entire relationship once as for all? Well, sleeping with the guy that killed your mom was kind of her way of slamming her hand down.
Tyler: You think Elena will still want you back after this? It's over, Damon. Fix yourself and run. Far away.
Damon: I plan on it. How's New Orleans this time of year?
Tyler: You really think Elena's gonna forgive you? Look at you. You killed her friend. You almost killed her brother. You nearly killed her. You're a joke, Damon.
Damon: Says the guy pining after the girl who slept with Klaus.
Tyler: You don't know anything about me.
Damon: I know how to get you in this cell.

Tyler: I'm okay.
Caroline: [Damon] fed on you?
Tyler: I said I'm fine.
Caroline: Why would you come in here?
Tyler: Why do you think? Damon knew exactly how to piss me off.

Liv: Elena's necklace. Candle. Map. Give me your hand. You're Elena's brother. That makes you blood. So, hand it over.
Bonnie: Actually, he's her cousin. It's a long story.
Liv: Whatever. Close enough.

Katherine: Ok. So. Who's got the knife? Which one of you is gonna get to kill the elusive Katherine Pierce once and for all? (no one says anything) What? Suddenly everyone's speechless? When I was on my deathbed you all had plenty to say. Is it you, Tyler? Because I triggered your werewolf curse? Have you an identity and made you better?
Tyler: You've done nothing for me.
Katherine: Oh, please, Tyler. If I hadn't walked into your life, you'd just be a wasted nobody with a boozy mom and a temper problem.
Caroline: Don't. Don't.
Katherine: And you. I'm not worried about you offing me. Because we both know I made you better by making you a vampire.
Caroline: Goodbye, Katherine.
Katherine: Bye-bye, Caroline. Ooh. The one girl here who actually appreciates how beautiful you are. You wouldn't stab me in the heart, would you? Matty blue. No, I don't think so. You will definitely go down as the best night I never had. Oh, well.
Matt: Oh, well.
Katherine: Well, little Gilbert, it was nice to have a brother for a second there. When you weren't being so damn annoying. Bon Bon, no need for good-byes. I'll see you on the flip side. Damon. Oh, how you'd love nothing more than to drive that blade right through me.
Damon: We've already done this, Kitty Kat. I've said all I needed to say.
Katherine: I know, but I never got to say what I needed to say to you. I'm sorry. You blame me for who you are. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I turned you. I'm sorry that you didn't get to die as a forgotten nobody on a bloody battlefield, and your father didn't get to live another day to be disgraced by you. Damon, I'm sorry that I have your life purpose. Passion. Drive. Desire. I'm sorry that you are who you are because I'm the one that taught you how to love.
Damon: I'll see you in hell, Katherine.
Katherine: Stefan. You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be loved by you. You've got to admit, that one fleeting moment... Your feelings were real. This truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. I've always loved you. (Katherine kisses Stefan, Stefan stabs her) Then I guess this is how our love story ends.

Caroline: Is it wrong that I feel...
Tyler: Victorious?
Caroline: Sad. I know that Katherine is a horrible person, but--
Tyler: But you see the good in people.
Caroline: You mean Klaus. Because I saw the good in Klaus.
Tyler: Your words. Not mine.
Caroline: Your hybrid bite just killed someone and no one even batted an eye. I sleep with the wrong guy weeks ago and I don't hear the end of it. How is that fair?
Tyler: I don't know, Care. Maybe people just expect more from you.
Caroline: Why? Because being good comes so easy to me? Well, guess what, Tyler? It doesn't. I am a vampire. I have the same impulses as you. So, I'm allowed to make some mistakes along the way. Yes, I slept with Klaus-- but after you walked away from me. That was my choice and I am living with it and I don't need to be hearing about it every five seconds. So, just get over it or get out of my life, but... I'm done feeling guilty.

While You Were Sleeping [5.16][edit]

Elena: Am I seriously that easy to impersonate, or do you guys not know me at all?
Jeremy: Elena, what's going on?
Elena: When have I ever danced on a bar half-naked? Do you think that I would come to a college bar with my underage brother and do tequila shots?
Matt: Elena, what are you talking about?
Elena: I'm not Elena, Matt. I'm Katherine. It's not me! You guys know me - I wouldn't do that. Guys, Katherine has taken over my body. This isn't me!

Damon: Caroline and an original hybrid sittin' in a tree...
Elena: No. Are you serious? Caroline and Klaus? Wait, does Tyler know about this?
Damon: Yup, and guess who told him.
Elena: Katherine? (sighs) Katherine is such a bitch.
Damon: That she is.

Damon: Katherine didn't do this. I did. I thought you broke my heart, so I ripped open Aaron's neck - that is how much control you have over me.
Elena: And I'm still here. That's how much control you have over me.
Damon: Listen to us! This is toxic! We are in a toxic relationship, Elena. I just killed your friend and you find someone else to blame!
Elena: You want me to blame you? Easy. Done! You screwed up Damon. Again.
Damon: Thank you!
Elena: You put me in a position where I have to defend you, again. Where I have to bend my morals, again. Where I have to go against everything single thing that I believe in, again, 'cause I love you!
Damon: Well then stop loving me!
Elena: I can't!

Rescue Me [5.17][edit]

Damon: Morning, Sunshine.
Elena: Oh. Um... did I wake you?
Damon: No. I've been up for three hours.
Elena: Really? Because you didn't say a word.
Damon: Neither did you.
Elena: Well--ahem-- that's because I didn't really have much to say. Nothing's changed. We're still bad for each other, and we are still broken up. Last night was a mistake.
Damon: Maybe we should keep making mistakes. Big ones.

Enzo: Atlanta Assassination Squad. How may we be of service?
Sloan: I take it you haven't located the doppelgänger yet.
Enzo: You told us to find a nameless paramedic at the scene of a car accident in a city full of freeways, fried green tomatoes, and terrible drivers. It's not exactly as easy as it sounds.
Sloan: Which is why I am calling. The doppelgänger's name is Tom Avery, and I just saw him deliver a patient to Atlanta Metro Hospital.
Caroline: (to Enzo) She saw him? She did the vision thing again? (takes the phone, now talking to Sloan) We had a deal. I find Stefan's last living doppelgänger--
Sloan: Tom
Caroline: Tom. I take care of Tom, and in return, you stop using Stefan to psychically doppelbomb him because every time you link the two, you are frying Stefan's brain.

Elena: Hey, Bon.
Bonnie: Hey. I got your text. What's the friend emergency?
Elena: Damon and I broke up. It's final.
Bonnie: Oh, my god. When did it happen?
Elena: Last night.
Bonnie: But you didn't come home last night.
Elena: Uh, that's because I slept with him.
Bonnie: Oh.
Elena: Post breakup.
Bonnie: Ohh.
Elena: Was that irresponsible?
Bonnie: Probably. Does Jeremy know that you and Damon definitely maybe broke up?
Elena: No. He wasn't at the house last night thankfully.
Bonnie: Well, that's weird. I mean, he didn't mention anything to me. If he wasn't at home, where was he?
Elena: I don't know. That doesn't really help me with the whole irresponsible thing, does it?

Enzo: Ah. Modern women, all bosom, no mystery, present company excluded.
Caroline: Dear god! Please don't tell me that I'm the real reason you're here.
Enzo: Why not? From what Damon tells me, I am your type-- well-traveled, charming accent, dodgy morals.
Caroline: Arrogant, tactless, completely unable to take a hint.
Enzo: Precisely.

Elena: Just because Jeremy is a bad student doesn't mean that he's cheating on Bonnie.
Damon: You're making excuses for someone you love. That's what you do. The worse the behavior, the more you try and defend.
Elena: And you keep trying to make this about us.
Damon: Yeah, because you keep trying to make it about anything else.
Elena: You know what? Fine. But don't pretend that you came here for Jeremy. If you want to talk about last night, talk.
Damon: Here's the thing, Elena, I don't know what to say or do or think. All I know is that right now I want to rip your clothes off right here in the middle of this hall and throw you in one of these classrooms and kiss every square inch of your body while a bunch of people that drive minivans listen, wishing they were us. (pauses) That's probably a bad idea, right?
Elena: Right.
Damon: Right. (bell rings) See you in class.

Elena: Enough.
Damon: Hardly. She [Liv] was two seconds away form killing you. I want to know why, so I am gonna rip this nasty rag out of your mouth. If I hear so much as one syllable of hocus-pocus, one of us is gonna break your neck. Spoiler alert- it's gonna be me.

Jeremy: How do you expect me to care about anything when this is my life? Take a look around. It's not like I could bring my teachers a note saying "sorry I missed class today, we were under a doppelgänger invasion."

Resident Evil [5.18][edit]

Elena: Caroline, if you bite your tongue any harder, you'll bleed. Say it.
Caroline: It's Psych 101. Actually it's whatever comes before 101. You told Damon that you couldn't see him anymore, and now you're having dreams about Stefan?
Elena: It's not just about Stefan, ok. My parents were still alive. It was like a different life.
Caroline: (answering phone) Stefan. Hey.
Stefan: Hey.
Caroline: Is everything ok?
Stefan: Well, you know how sometimes you feel crazy and you call me and I tell you you're not crazy?
Caroline: Even thought most of the time I am.
Stefan: Well, I need you to tell me that I'm not crazy.
Caroline: No promises.
Stefan: I was walking to my car, and I nearly got plowed over in the middle of the street because I was having some vision of Elena.
Caroline: I take that back. Actually, you are not crazy at all. Something's going on.

Damon: (not answering Elena's call) Damon: One, Temptation: Zero.
Enzo: (answering Caroline's call) Temptation: One, Enzo-- Hello Gorgeous.

Damon: Liv has a twin? Is it possible for there to just be one of someone around here?

Elena: Perfect. A dead old guy with a mysterious, evil plan.

Elena: What are you doing out here?
Damon: Oh, you know. Looking at the stars, listening to the universe laughing at me.
Elena: Damon...
Damon: We were doomed from the beginning, Elena. We were always gonna end up here.
Elena: Damon...they're just visions. As soon as we find Markos, they'll stop.
Damon: And then what? We're friends? Can't wait.

Damon: I'm gonna staple your tongue to your chin.

Elena: Do you think Damon and I will ever be able to talk like this? Like friends?
Stefan: I think you can either be friends with someone or in love with them. I don't think you can be both.

Damon: We need some rules here. Because if I'm not allowed to drive you home then I definitely don't think you're allowed to ambush me in my bedroom.

Elena: [in the visions] I saw...a perfect life. Stefan and I were married, we had kids... It was everything that we wanted.
Damon: Well, we could always ask Markos to put 'em back-
Elena: But it's not real. You and I? We're messy and complicated, but...we're real.
Damon: And really bad for each other. Did you forget that part?

Damon: No, Elena, I can't be your friend. It's too damn hard.
Elena: Damon-
Damon: No, I'm serious, Elena - I can't see you anymore. I don't wanna hear your voice, I don't wanna talk to you, I don't even want to look at you, and I sure as hell don't want to be your friend.

Man on Fire [5.19][edit]

Damon: Oh, I’m so sorry to interrupt...whatever weird ritual you two were doing but, I just wanted to de-passenger the great citizens of Mystic Falls using the magical Traveler knife so, hand it over.
Matt: It’s gonna be a problem...
Damon: Five words that make me wanna vamp-toss my keys into your chest cavity. Little Gilbert, help me in the fight against my dark side and elaborate, please.
Jeremy: We can’t find it.
Damon: As in, you lost it?
Matt: As in, it’s not here!
Damon: You're right. Don’t invite me in, because I will kill both of you.

Enzo: I can't join my friends for a cup of tea?
Stefan: Damon, your friend, uh, singular, isn't here, and we're a little busy right now.

Matt: And we're stuck here because Damon said he'd twist off our kneecaps if we left.

What Lies Beneath [5.20][edit]

Damon: Perfect. You [Tyler] avoid the entire Czech language, figure out how to find Markos.
Tyler: How am I supposed to do that?
Damon: Well, you have a Traveler inside of you. I mean, I have probably misplaced faith that you'll figure it out. Meanwhile, you and I and our ex-girlfriend are gonna go on a little secret trip.

Caroline: Good news! So we don't have to be invite in, which is actually super sad if you think about it.

Damon: What game?
Caroline: Charades. Our theme is secrets that people think they're getting away with.
Damon: Well, Meryl Streep, I'd love to know how we're gonna act out Watergate.
Caroline: Well, I'm sure team Stelena will figure it out.
Damon: A, you just implied that I was on your team. Two, you just gave me that judge little hinty voice. So what am I missing?
Caroline: It's probably nothing.
Damon: Speak.
Caroline: Well, don't you think that Stefan and Elena have been a little... you know?
Damon: No. Clearly I don't.
Caroline: Secretive? I caught them being all hushed and whispery at the car this morning, and now they're getting firewood out of the shed together, which apparently takes twenty minutes.
Damon: You know, now that you mention it, Elena got all cagey when I brought up Enzo.
Caroline: No, no. I'm not talking about Enzo. I'm talking about Stefan and Elena.
Damon: How much have you had to drink?

Jeremy: One part wolfsbane, one part vervain. All together, the dumbest idea that either of you have ever had.

Damon: Enzo! You in here?
Enzo: Don't reckon I'd miss this.
Damon: Because knock it off!
Caroline: It doesn't make any sense. If Enzo wanted to kill Elena, drowning her wouldn't work.
Enzo: Smart girl. See why you like her so much.
Caroline: Maybe he's just trying to scare us.
Enzo: Warmer. (No says anything) Come on! You've almost got it. What is Enzo up to?
Damon: Drowning Elena was just a distraction. He figured out a way to kill us all in one fell swoop.
Enzo: Did I mention that I missed you?

Damon: What did you think I was going to do?
Stefan: What are you talking about?
Damon: When I found out Enzo's dead? Did you think I was gonna go on a rampage, slaughter a bunch of innocent people, go bowling with human head? What'd you think I was gonna do?

Promised Land [5.21][edit]

Damon: Mr... Sikes, head of corporate accounts. Oops. Sorry about that. Yeah. Can't have you mumbling any of those annoying Traveler ditties. It's a sure migraine. So here's the deal. My brother and my girl have both been kidnapped by Travelers, and I can't seem to find them anywhere. I mean, like, poof, gone, right? So besides a completely clueless hybrid in my basement and a cave full of sleeping Travelers, I've got nothing to go on except you, so I'm gonna need you to tell me where I can find your leader Markos. [Caroline sighs] What's up, Blondie?

Damon: You have Elena participating in squirrel slaughter?
Stefan: Believe me, she's no happier about it than I am.
Damon: Heh heh. She'll shoot your eye out.

Bonnie: He says you promised to bring him back.
Enzo: Uh, you're paraphrasing. He said, quote, I will find a way.
Bonnie: Whatever.
Damon: Hello. Still here, and I know what I said.
Enzo: Bey. Remind him he doesn't have a very good track record for keeping promises.
Bonnie: Please stop talking.
Enzo: The other side is on the brink of collapse. I plan on pestering all of you until I'm safely returned to the land of the living.
Bonnie: You need to fix this before I lose my mind.
Damon: Hey. I'm sorry, ok? I've got two missing Doppelgängers, I've got a Traveler that wants to rid our town of magic, and I've got the friendly banker Mr. Sikes in the coat closet, so escape from the netherworld's gonna have to wait until tomorrow. [Enzo throws a bottle of booze into fireplace]
Bonnie: I think he wants to be penciled in for today.

Elena: How many, um--ahem--you know, are we supposed to have before we get our strength back?
Stefan: More than we've had, that's for sure. Let me know if you see a damn buffalo.
Elena: This is depressing.
Stefan: Yeah. More depressing than walking for miles and no knowing where the hell you're going?
Elena: No, probably not more depressing than that.
Stefan: Damon is in full hero mode today.
Elena: I'm sure he was thrilled about that.
Stefan: I don't know. He had the whole savior of the universe voice going on.
Elena: I like that voice. You know, maybe this whole thing's a sign.
Stefan: A sign of what?
Elena: My blood can literally destroy him. If that's not a sign that were in a toxic relationship--
Stefan: Our blood, all right, our blood. Don't hog the blame. Look. We're vampires. We're a toxic species. Whether you want to blame it on magic or biology, it's just who we are. When a human gets ravenously hungry, they eat a double cheeseburger. We kill people. Some of us are more extreme than others, but that's just who we are.
Elena: How come you're so much better at controlling it?
Stefan: Because I'm so much worse when I don't. I'm only gonna say this once. You two are miserable without each other, so if you want to be with him, just be with him. Look. When humans want to break free from complicated relationships, they go to therapy. Vampires get a pass, ok?

Elena: I think I just hallucinated a unicorn.
Stefan: Hmm. Maybe Caroline's nearby.
Elena: Heh. If Caroline was here, we'd have a fully catered buffet on the side of the road and a rainbow.
Stefan: Two rainbows.

Damon: Salvatore Boring House.
Markos: I'm calling about my people.
Damon: Hey. You found my note. Now listen. Don't be offended, but I can't just give them to anyone, so what do they look like?
Markos: They're ragged, beaten down by the world, desperate for a home.
Damon: You just described homeless people, aging hipsters and Matt Donovan.

Home [5.22][edit]

Lexi: I got you! Looks like I've now saved you from both metaphorical darkness and actual darkness. I think you owe me a beer.

Elena: A little tip. If you're gonna flee the scene of a crime, take back roads.

Damon: Class is in session. First assignment-- anti-magic perimeter. Gilbert, what you got?
Jeremy: I walked around Mystic Falls this morning to see where my Hunter instincts disappeared.
Damon: Meaning what, your biceps shrunk, and your brain got smaller?
Jeremy: Meaning that I have a supernatural urge to kill vampires, so wherever I hated you less, there was no magic.

Silas: As vezat esvet.
Bonnie: As vezat esvat.
Silas: Esvet, not vat. I feel like I'm teaching calculus to an infant.
Bonnie: I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous about unleashing a plague onto humanity.
Silas: Ooh! I've been upgraded to a plague? Oh. How biblical and fitting, seeing as I will probably will kill a lot of people in an epic, all-inclusive way once I'm out of here.

Alaric: Friendly advice: when you finally get the girl, don't blow her up.

Elena: (crying) You lied to me!
Damon: Even if I wanted to apologize, you couldn't hear me. So I won't.
Elena: Please don't leave me.
Damon: I don't have a choice, baby. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my 173-years on this earth. The fact that I get to die knowing I was loved, not just by anyone, by you, Elena Gilbert, is the epitome of a fulfilled life. It's never going to get any better than this. I love you, Elena.
Elena: Please. Please, come back to me.
Damon: Bye.

Damon: This place is going down, isn't it?
Bonnie: It is. I am sure there are million people that we both rather be with right now, but-
Damon: Couple thousand at most.
Bonnie: Do you think it all hurt?
Damon: I don't kn-

Season 6[edit]

I'll Remember [6.01][edit]


Episode [6.02][edit]


Episode [6.03][edit]


Episode [6.04][edit]


Episode [6.05][edit]


Episode [6.06][edit]


Episode [6.07][edit]


Episode [6.08][edit]


Episode [6.09][edit]


Episode [6.10][edit]


Episode [6.11][edit]


Episode [6.12][edit]


Episode [6.13][edit]


Episode [6.14][edit]


Episode [6.15][edit]


Episode [6.16][edit]


Episode [6.17][edit]


Episode [6.18][edit]


Episode [6.19][edit]


Episode [6.20][edit]


Episode [6.21][edit]


Episode [6.22][edit]


Cast[edit]

External links[edit]