The Wedding Planner

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The Wedding Planner is a 2001 film about a successful wedding planner who breaks the cardinal rule when planning weddings: she falls for the groom.

Directed by Adam Shankman. Written by Pamela Falk and Michael Ellis.
Tagline: His big day is her big problem.


Mary[edit]

  • "Earwax. 'X' on a triple letter, 'A' on a double word. Seventy-two points."
  • "A quarter cup of lemon juice, half a cup of salt and a loofah sponge. Scrub scrub scrub."
  • "You saved... my shoe. M-my life."
  • "You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."
  • "What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers."
  • "Are you aware that Fran has chosen teal for her bridesmaids? Teal, the color of gangrene. ... Oh, oh, and I Honestly Love You as your wedding song? You might as well commit matrimonial suicide right now!"
  • "You are exquisite. You're timeless. And you have the love of a man named Steve. A man who, while you were away having meetings about mozzarella, said to me: 'I can't believe she picked me. I can't believe I'm marrying the most incredible woman I've ever met.' So that tells me that this marriage of yours is not only gonna work, it's gonna last forever."

Steve[edit]

  • "I had to go through your wallet to get your identification. And you know what I must say, I've ever met anyone who alphabetized her credit cards before."
  • "What if what I think is great, really is great... but it's not as great, as something greater?"
  • "Oh, of course. Krazy Glue. Why didn't I bring the Krazy Glue, in case his pecker fell off?"

Other[edit]

  • Geri: "Pierre, I love you, but if you use another carnation in my bouquet I will deport you. Muah."
  • Penny: "Oh no! Darn it, I just remembered that I... I promised my friend's brother's godmother that I would help her um change her fax cartridge tonight... because she's going out of town tomorrow... on an African safari!"
  • Bert: "Girl asks you to dance, you dance."
  • Massimo: "You long for him the way I long for you."
  • Massimo: "You need to learn the patience. Love can't always be perfect. Love is just love."

Dialogue[edit]

Salvatore: "Maria, you remember Massimo."
Dottie: "Mud did him good."
Massimo: "The last time I see you, you were scrawny and ugly and your head was too big for your body."
Mary: "How nice. Thank you."

Steve: "Now talk to me. How are you feeling? Are you experiencing any dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing?"
Mary: "The breathing thing rings a bell. Then again, you are on top of me, cutting off my air supply."

Little Girl 1: "Yup, she's dead all right."
Little Girl 2: "You think she's going to heaven?"
Little Boy: "Definitely. She's got the cleanest toes I've ever seen!"

Mary: "Where am I?"
Little Girl 1: "You're at the Children's Ward of St. Vincent's Hospital. I'm your doctor. Try not to talk."
Mary: "My god. I'm paralyzed! I'm paralyzed!"
Little Boy: "If you're moving your arms and legs, you're clearly not paralyzed."

Steve: "You can take this off now. (removes neck brace) Oh, you've got a big neck."
Mary: "I have a big neck!"
Steve: "Don't get me wrong. It's a fine neck. It's just that, I haven't had a patient over the age of six in three years."
Mary: (sees bandaged hand) "What happened to your hand?"
Steve: "My hand. You fell on it with your big neck."

Steve: "Seriously. How'd you get into it? I've never met a member of a Scrabble Club before.”
Mary: "When my parents came over from Italy they joined a Scrabble Club so they could learn English. After my mom died, my dad became, like, obsessed with the game and wanted me to play with him all the time. So, I guess, in a way, I was destined."
Steve: "C-O-O-L."

Mary: "What are you doing?"
Steve: "I only eat the brown ones."
Mary: "Because?"
Steve: "Well, because I figure they have less artificial coloring because chocolate is already brown."
Mary: "That's very scientific of you Dr. Steve."

Steve: "It was a dance. Whoop dee doo. It didn't mean anything."
Mary: "Then why'd you almost kiss me?"

Fran: "Oh, Mary I've been meaning to ask you. Speaking of love, what happened to that guy? You know, the one that you danced with-- (car swerves) EDDIE!"
Steve: “There was a damn deer in the road. Did you see that? Damn it."

Bert: "I told you Mismo was full of crap."
Salvatore: "No Mismo! MASSimo! MASSimo! Please, go toast your bagel and mind your own business."
Bert: "Yeah yeah, I'll toast when I see fit! Mismo, Massimo, any other kind of -mo, -mo."

Mary: "That's your specialty? Instant macaroni and cheese."
Massimo: "Si, it is a low-budget wonder. Already today, I've eaten three boxes."

Mary: "Nancy Pong? 2C?"
Nancy Pong: "Yes."
Mary: "It's Mary Fiore, 7H. You don't know me. We haven't met because I'm a control freak and I don't have time for people. But if you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar, I can't help you. Because I don't have time to shop."

Mary: "He said they were just friends, but deep down I knew better. I was just a stand-in. A poor man's Wendy. ... Jerk. It's a good thing I didn't marry him. But most of the time I just think... I just wasn't enough."
Steve: "No, no, no, you're wrong. And another thing. This Wendy, she's nothing but a poor man's Mary."

Steve: "You ever think about that night in the park?"
Mary: "What?"
Steve: "I barely know you. I don't know your dad's first name. I don't know if you ever wore braces or contacts or glasses. I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I know the curves of your face and I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. And I know that that night in the park was the best time I've ever had."

Steve: "Why are you only eating the brown ones?"
Mary: "Because someone once said that they had less artificial coloring because chocolate's already brown. And it kind of stayed with me."
Steve: "You kind of stayed with me."

Taglines[edit]

  • Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t wed, plan.
  • His big day is her big problem.

Cast[edit]

External Links[edit]

Wikipedia
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