Tim Clinton is president of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), a Professor of Counseling and Pastoral Care, and the Executive Director of the Center for Counseling and Family Studies at Liberty University.
Break Through: When to Give In, How to Push Back…The Moment That Changes Everything with Pat Springle (Worthy)
- Our early family relationships are extremely powerful. According to attachment theory (a fancy term for how we connect with other people), these relationships set the tone for the rest of our lives.
- p. 14
- From the outside, being so thoroughly attached may look good, but it’s not true love. There is a fine line between being a loving mom and a dominating, controlling mom.
- p. 19
- True love offers a safe place to be you; it’s not driven by a desire to rescue or a need to perform. True love values the other person for who they are and celebrates healthy separateness.
- p. 24
- Why do so many of us keep pursuing the short-lived payoffs of applause and an adrenaline rush when plenty of signs point to the fact that our compulsive behaviors are, in fact, destroying us?
- p. 50
- Your past isn’t the past if it is still affecting your present. Some of us are many years removed from daily interaction with our parents, but the damage remains.
- p. 115
- Living our best life is about learning to love well. We may blame our past, our parents, or our ex, but the key to our future lies with us, not them.
- p. 129
- Often, the first step in setting a boundary is the hardest one: saying no. For many of us, we fear that if we don’t take responsibility for the consequences of those we love, everything will fall apart.
- p. 140
- Trust is at the heart of every significant relationship. When trust is based on integrity and good will, it forms a solid foundation for the relationship to grow. When it is disordered, people feel terribly vulnerable and search for ways to protect themselves. The universal relational principle holds true: “If you can’t trust, you have to control.”
- p. 160
- When we begin to act like adults, we threaten the equilibrium of our key relationships. The people we are closest to have a vested interest in keeping us locked into our old roles, our old ways. If we’ve been compliant and willing to fix their problems in the past, they want us to keep it up until the day we die. If we’ve taken control by telling people what to do and where to go so they don’t have to think for themselves, they feel very uncomfortable when we insist that they take responsibility for their choices. And if we’ve been withdrawn, weak, and invisible, they’re shocked when we begin to express our preferences.
- p. 204-205
- Forgiving doesn’t mean we have to give in to manipulation. It doesn’t mean we have to blindly trust again. It doesn’t mean the hurt is magically erased. Reconciliation is based on trust, and trust must be proven over time.
- p. 216
- We can never really change other people . . . all we can change is ourselves. This process takes a lot of grace and strength that we don’t have apart from God. But in his compassionate, creative hands, our wounds and sins can become the source of our deepest growth.
- p. 237
- God will use even our most difficult moments to produce the qualities of Jesus in us as we trust him. And he’ll replace our shame with hope—the assurance that our lives matter and we’re writing a new story for our lives. In the past, we let others hold the pen, but no longer. Now we pick it up and begin drafting a new plot . . . full of courage, love, and meaning. Of course, there are twists in the story, but we’re not overwhelmed by fear any longer.
- p. 259