Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
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- 1 Season 1
- 2 Season 2
- 3 Season 3
- 4 Season 4
- 5 Eric Wareheim [3.12]
- 6 Casey Tatum
- 7 Pat Dudley
- 8 Carol
- 9 Mr. Henderson
- 10 Ron Austar
- 11 The Mahanahan Brothers
- 12 Krunk
- 13 The Great Gregory
- 14 James Quall
Announcer: And now, the only married news team in the tri-county area, Jan and Wayne Skylar! With Special news correspondent, Dr. Steve Brule.
'Dr. Steve Brule: 'I'm not ready. I'm not ready yet.
Jan and Wayne Skylar (singing): Princess grew up little
Wayne Skylar: Back to you Steve.
Jan Skylar: Someone tell him we're live. Steve, back to you.
Wayne Skylar: Steve Brule!
Dr. Steve Brule: I'm sorry. Jan. I'm not ready. We don't have the fruit.
Tragg (played by Fred Willard): Slop in the morning, slop in the evening, slop for supper time. Slop 'till ya' drop, kids!
Cinco Banking System: Do you live in a hole or a boat?
Eric Wareheim: Neither.
Cinco Banking System: Okay, I didn't get that. I think you chose BOAT. Is that right?
Eric Wareheim: No!
Cinco Banking System: Okay. Let's move on. Is your BOAT a C-Class Licensed Boat or is your boat used for commercial fishing?
Cinco Banking System: Okay. I think you've chosen COMMERCIAL FISHING. Now I'm going to need your boat's name.
Eric Wareheim: What is going on here?
Cinco Banking System: Okay. I think you've said: TAARGUS. Is this correct?
Eric Wareheim: What?? No!!
Cinco Banking System: Just to make sure I've gotten all the information correct, I'm going to need to confirm a few more things.
Eric Wareheim: Hello?? I need some help please....
Cinco Banking System: You new name is: ERIC TAARGUS. Is this correct?
Cinco Banking System: Okay. I'll go ahead and make that change.
Cinco Banking System: Great. I've made the change. Your wife's new legal name is: TAARGUS TAARGUS. Is this okay?
Eric Wareheim: No!!!!!
Cinco Banking System: Great. We're sending her the following VHS tape. You've chosen: PIZZA BOY.
Eric Wareheim: Excuse me! My wife can't get this in the mail...
Grum [Singing]: I like crackers and snacks, crackers and snacks, crackers and snacks. I like crackers and snacks, crackers and snacks, crackers and snaaaacks.
Live in Vegas [2.1]
Eric: You look like a man I could be a best friend with
Tim: "It took a lotta guts"
Raz: "Shells on the neck, shells on the wrist / Now string 'em all up / Get the shells on the ankles / Underwater camera, disposable camera!"
Dad's Off [2.3]
Tim Heidecker: "You're a great son, probably one of the best."
- Palmer Scott:
- This is what I do,
- This is what I do.
- This is what I do, I sit on you.
Tairy Greene: Shhh... SHUT UP! It's time for snuggle...
Mr. Henderson: "How many breakfasts did you have this morning?"
Carol: "Just the one, sir."
Mr. Henderson: "Looks like you had about 4 or 5, lookin like a burrito this morning."
Mr. Henderson: "Lar, whaddya say, poke or no poke?
Larry: "Definitely no poke."
Mr. Henderson: "Hear that Carol? No one wants to do ya, you're a waste."
Jeff Goldblum (Advertising for the Jeffgoldbluman Group): It's a sizzler. Please watch.
Molly: This is magnificent, James.
David Cross (as James, creator of PussyDoodles): Why thank you, Molly.
Molly: Love what you've done with the colors-
James [covering Molly's mouth with his hand]: SHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell anyone. It's just my Pussy-Dooo'les.
Eric Wareheim: "Wait a second Tim, what about all my e-worms and e-mail viruses?"
Cinco Voiceover: If D'ump detects a Bear in the area, it just shuts down!
[Two young boys stare at their D'ump contraption for an estranged period of time. D'ump is entirely unresponsive.]
Boy: DAD! BEAR!
Eric Wareheim [pointing at a naked baby picture of Tim]: ..Hey, Who's this?
Tim Heidecker [Blushing a bit]: Yeah, well that's my mom. So-
Eric Wareheim: Yeah, but what's this. [Points at Tim's small wiener in the picture]
Tim Heidecker [Glowing Red]: ...That's my Penis.
Eric Wareheim: For one thing, Tim was an average sized man.
Dr. Steve Brule: (inebriated) That's our Show! (pulls cloth off the table, spilling all of the wine)
Awesome Tour Live [3.1]
Eric Wareheim: You killed my RASCAL!
Tim Heidecker [Sobbing, turning away]: NO I DIDN'T!
Tan Man: "Me, me, I'm a tan man and a boatman."
Jim and Derrick [3.7]
- Jim Heckler: You've been bonged!
Eric: Because kids do not like jazz-
Tim: Nor should they
Tim: ONE TWO THREE FAYY
Muscles For Bones [3.9]
(Larry opens fire on Mr. Henderson; Carol takes the bullet and slumps to the ground)
Mr. Henderson: Ya blew it.
Eric: I do this every night with your son. (credits roll)
Road Trip [4.4]
Tim Heidecker [Driving van, talking via Phone]: Pack up your things, Buddy. We're goin' on a lil' road Trip.
Eric Wareheim [Smiling]: Road Trip.
Tim Heidecker: Mhm Heh heh, Road trip!
Eric Wareheim: Road Trip!
Tim Heidecker[Screaming]: ROAD TRIP!
Eric Wareheim: Roooaadd trip! [Packs his Suitcase] Reewdtraap! Reewdtraaap! Rooooaaaaddd Triiiiip!
Tim Heidecker: When Tommy said we were going to be working with THE Jessica Alba, my eyes lit up in the back of my head. I said, "J..Jesc'a Alba? I.. I'm a fan of Jesssc'a Alba."
Eric Wareheim:"You know what, Tim, there's already a site e-zoos.biz....I'm sorry."
Tim Heidecker: Premium? More like CREAMULUM.
Tim Heidecker: Rick Wareheimer wears a straw hat at home in his house - he goes outside without the hat, but if you seem in his house he does wear a small straw hat.
Tim Heidecker: I hope you don't wear that bigafric'n haaaaaii.
Eric Wareheim: Ihopeidon'twearthat bigafricannnhaaaiii?
Tim Heidecker: You SWEAR you're not gonna wear that big African hat?
Eric Wareheim (Leans close to Tim's ear) : I'M NOT GONNA WEAR MY BIG AFRICAN HAT TO YOUR PARTY!
Tim Heidecker: ...Alright, you're comin'.
Brothers Cinco [4.9]
i no clean. im not clean
"I KILLED MY WIFE!!! I KILLED MY WIFE!!!"
Eric Wareheim [3.12]
"Oh my god, I can't wait."
"I hate these old men."
"Hamburgers and hot dogs too. I want to have a barbecue."
"My pep pep told me not to talk to strangers."
"I want to go on a horse and buggy ride."
"Can I get a Dudley Dip? Let's go for the double dip, we can do it!"
"That's my dream, sir."
"Get in shape."
"You look good enough for a poke."
"D'YOU MEAN, WHAT? YOU JUST WACKED HER IN THE HEAD WITH A COFFEE POT! I loved her, alright? Ya blew it. Kapeesh?"
"Now think about your dad! What's your dad like? I wanna meet that dad!"
"Can't stop thinking about your dad. It just feels so right, children. You're going to give me your dad's e-mail address. I can't wait to meet your pep-pep."
The Mahanahan Brothers
Steve Mahanahan: I love you Steve!
Mike Mahanahan: I love you Mike!
Steve Mahanahan: I love you Steve! I wish you the best!
Mike Mahanahan: ....I love you Mike.
Steve Mahanahan: Have ya' ever seen a child clown without shoes? It's DISGUSTING!
"You ever seen a leg like this?"
The Great Gregory
"And now, the rabbit in the hat, circa 2004!"
- [Impersonating Bill Cosby] "Kids say the darndest things, like... spaghetti and meatballs."