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Phil McCauley (b. 23 December 1986), full name Philip John McCauley, is a student at Glasgow Caledonian University, studying Games Software Development and in his second year.


  • "Who wants to be really nerdy and worship me at the same time? :D"
Phil, declaring the quoting open for all in EmpireIRC.
  • "Ocarina of Time > j00r face... Except maybe Rach's... She has a purdy face. ^_^"
Phil, declaring his love for both Ocarina of Time and Rachael, of EmpireIRC fame.
  • "Yeah... if you can vividly picture nutnut doing it... it's a bad idea."
Phil on the rubbing of chopsticks, EmpireIRC.
Phil, making the noises of a large truck.
  • "Doesn't the exclamation 'mai-mai' just sound sooo cute in anyone else's head??"
Turning the IRC net admin into a Pokémon, EmpireIRC


  • Phil: "Justin no like the butt-love? ;/"
Justin: "Phil, if it's a girl, I'd be willing to try... But this is *Ray*"
The harsh truth of EmpireIRC.
  • Yolanda: "So... the girl has to be gentle right? No tugging at it like you're retarded?"
Phil: "More..."
Yolanda: "Should I take notes?"
Phil: "No tugging at it like it's detatchable."
Phil and Yolanda discussing the specifics of foreplay, EmpireIRC
Rachael: "meeeeeeeee"
Phil: "I'm not wearing TROUSERS!! :D"
Phil on his apparel, EmpireIRC.
  • Phil: "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't buy the God, The Devil & Bob boxset? :o"
Evvie: "BUY IT."
edd8990: "You dont have enough money"
edd8990: "there's a good reason"
Phil: "Edd."
Phil: "Don't confuse the issue with logic! D:"
Why Phil is permenantly skint
  • Ray: "we'll assume Typhlosion understands"
Ray: "i'll call u mike since thats shorter if thats ok :p"
Phil: "And is his name! :o Coincidence?--"
Typhlosion: "That and it's my name :p"
Phil: "--You decide!"
theRealOne: "haha"
Phil and Mike on the same wavelength, EmpireIRC
  • (on the possibility of overdosing on Bob Marley)
Phil: "What were the symptoms?"
Matt: "not much apart from devolving into Jamaican accents and saying spliff a lot"
Phil: "I can live with that."
Phil and Matthew Hayden, MSN Messenger
  • Rachael: "me and nutnut are getting married in the winter"
Maikeru: "Rach...think about the children! ;-;"
Rachael: ":p"
Phil: ":o Gothic townies ^^ A new breed. Like Resi 4."
Rachael: "XD"
Phil: "Get them a Gamecube, naturally... ! A Revolution ^^"
Phil discussing why the Wii will be so important to Rachael, EmpireIRC
  • Ray: "So... Which faggots have purchased the Nintendo DS? My friend got one and wishes he didn't and is now attempting to sell it. He was like "RAY MAN, I GOT NINTENDO DS." And I was like "You fucking cock!" And he was like ";____;" and ran out crying."
Phil: "... I HAVE ONE! <3 DS <3"
Ray: "Sell it. Today."
Phil: "... What? Why? I love it. It gives me... joy."
Ray: "Yeah, having two screens is useful"
Phil: "Yeah."
Ray: "Cause then you can..."
Phil: "Double the fun."
Anthony: "I have a DS"
Phil: "Weyhey!"
Ray: "Sell the DS"
Anthony: "Nope"
Phil: "... I want a free one. Why sell it? o0"
Ray: "Fact: every Nintendo DS purchased kills a class of children. Every Nintendo DS sold back to the shop could save the critically ill."
Katz: "Phil, do you know what they are?!"
Phil: ":o They are... |337? YES! Yes they are."
Ray, being very, very wrong, EmpireIRC
  • Phil: "Fun Phil story. I was over in Becky's. And she finally got Resi. 4 in the post..."
Rachael: "Fun Phil story ^__________________^"
Phil: "And she was playing it, me watching."
Rachael: "What an amazing story! :o"
Phil: "She went into a wee hut and all of a sudden there was a guy we never saw in the window there with a scythe. And we both screamed."
Rachael: ":o"
Phil: "Same pitch."
Rachael: "XD"
Phil: "And no, Becky wasn't suddenly matcho. :p"
Rachael: "XD"
Phil: "But! The moral of the story? Gamecube > j00 o0"
Rachael: "Indeed!"
Phil: "I must have one!! ;_;"
Rachael: "I'm afraid of my resi. game for the gamecube it scares me i havent even got past the bit with the dogs dammit! ;_;"
Phil: "The first?"
Rachael: "Yes"
Phil hardly being his more brave, EmpireIRC
  • Phil: "What is it with random people (mainly girls, it seems) with telling me all their inermost secrets?"
Church: "Phil, it's because they think you swing the other way?"
Phil: "I don't... swing... (beat) fuck, that sounds sooo wrong."
Phil, getting a foot firmly in the mouth, EmpireIRC
  • James: "ruler, you have the collective intellegence of a rasin"
Phil: "Raisin? That high?"
ruler: "peanut"
James: "Lower..."
(Phil states he is feeling bitchy)
ruler: "pebble"
James: "Grain of sand?"
ruler: "lower"
James: "Molecule of horse excrement!"
ruler: "lower"
Phil: "... Erm... Prince Phillip?"
James: "Lol. Indeed"
Phil: "YES! I do believe we've found how low!"
Phil and nutnut finding the 'true ruler', EmpireIRC
  • edd8990: FUCK
edd8990: Moths are invading my room
Phil: :/
Rachael: ;o
Rachael: rats are invading my garden :(
Phil: Chavs are invading my sister
Phil revealing the shameful truth about his family...