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Bones (2005–) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan has an uncanny ability to read clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.1][edit]

Brennan: Tell me you tried "excuse me" first.
Angela: Ah, sweetie. Yes, I did. Welcome home. Are you exhausted? Was Guatemala awful? Was it horribly backward?
Brennan: And yet, I was never reduced to flashing my boobs for information.
Angela: Flash 'em for any fun reasons?

Angela: You know, diving headfirst in a pit of cadavers is no way to handle a messy breakup.
Brennan: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy.
Angela: [laughs] Then you weren't doing the right things.

Booth: Bones identifies bodies for us.
Brennan: Don't call me "Bones," and I do more than identify.

Booth: A decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery.
Brennan: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses. It's a cemetery.

Brennan: [to Booth] If you drive one more block, I'm screaming "kidnap" out the window.

Booth: You know, you're not the only forensic anthropologist in town.
Brennan: [laughs] Yes, I am. The next university is in Montreal. Parlez-vous français?

Booth: What's it going to take?
Brennan: Full participation in the case.
Booth: Fine.
Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.
Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Booth: He's got no sense of discretion, that kid. Typical squint.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: Cops get stuck, we bring in people like you. You know, squints. You know, squint at things.
Brennan: Oh, you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills?

Brennan: [looking at the screen] What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at?
Booth: It's like pornography, you'll know it when you see it.

Booth: When did she die?
Brennan: Eh.
Zack: Eh.
Booth: What does that even mean?
Zack: It means "wait until our bug and slime guy takes a look."

Booth: You know, in my line of work, no clothes usually means a sex crime.
Brennan: In my line of work, it could also mean the victim favored natural fibers.
Zack: Your suit, for example, will outlast your bones by decades.

Goodman: I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets.
Zack: An asset is, by definition, property.
Goodman: What's the rule, Mr. Addy?
Zack: You only converse with PhDs. You do realize I'm halfway through two doctorates. Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking...
Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.

Goodman: Dr. Brennan, are you playing me?
Brennan: You know I'm no good at that.
Goodman: Hmm. Thus far. But you have a disturbingly steep learning curve.

Brennan: Split the difference, mixed race.
Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams?
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Booth: Her name is Cleo Louise Eller. The only daughter to Ted and Sharon Eller. Last seen approximately nine p.m., April 6th, 2003, leaving the cardio-deluxe gym on Kay Street. She didn't even make it to her car.
Brennan: Pretty good memory.
Booth: Yeah, well, it's my job to find her.
Hodgins: Well, in that case, congratulations on your success.

Booth: A case this big, the director is going to create a special investigation unit. And if I line my ducks up in a row, I can, maybe, head it up.
Brennan: I don't know what that means, but I think maybe I can be a duck.

Booth: What are you trying to do?
Brennan: Blackmail you.
Booth: Blackmail a federal agent.
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: I don't like it.
Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.
Booth: Fine. You're in.

Brennan: What if Booth is right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people?
Angela: People like you.
Brennan: I don't care if men like me.
Angela: Okay, interesting jump from 'people' to 'men,' but I'm sure it means nothing.
Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with dead people.

Booth: Temperance, partners share things. Builds trust.
Brennan: Since when are we partners?
Booth: I apologize for the assumption.

Oliver: He killed Cleo?
Booth: Yeah, he did.
Oliver: Then I'm down with him bleeding to death.
Booth: That guy bleeds to death, Bones will go on trial for attempted murder. You don't want that, do you?
Oliver: No.
Booth: Plus, I understand that applying pressure to a wound can be extremely painful.

Angela: Is the FBI going to lay charges against Brennan?
Hodgins: She only shot him in the leg... once.
Booth: She didn't give him a warning. She just shot him... with alcohol on her breath.
Goodman: It was her first shooting, you can't expect her to be perfect right out of the gate.
Zack: How much warning did you give people before you sniped them?

The Man in the S.U.V. [1.2][edit]


Zack: If Smokey here had access to the president, why would he attack a café?
Brennan: "Smokey"?
Zack: It's how I deal with stress.
Hodgins: Targeting everyday places causes panic. People stay home, the economy is crippled. It's Terrorism 101, man.

Zack: Isn't that the FBI's job?
Hodgins: What, you trust the FBI? You realize those guys are gonna suppress whatever they need to cover their asses!
Zack: [to Brennan] I found a portion of the clavicle.
Hodgins: Are you even listening?
Zack: No.
Hodgins: They have a separate division, you know. That way their hands are always clean. In 1970...
Brennan: Jack! We're trying to work!

Hodgins: Someone seems really defensive about the FBI lately. You realize Booth is just another government stooge?

Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture, terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.
Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.
Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.

Agent Gibson: Dr. Brennan, whatever you have there—
Brennan: It's a piece of paper. That's all. With some writing on it.

Angela: [to Brennan] I think [Booth] likes you. God, if I were you, I'd buy a ticket on that ride.

Angela: Too bad we can't tell why he did it. Isn't that what we all want to know?

Agent Gibson: Dr. Brennan, I have jurisdiction.
Brennan: Then why don't I destroy my notes and let you guarantee the identity of the remains?

Brennan: I was just studying a cranial fissure on a corporate attorney last week. Of course, he was dead, so...
Tessa: Interesting.
Brennan: Thanks.

Booth: Okay, what's so funny?
Brennan: I just never figured you being in a relationship.
Booth: Why? Do you think something's wrong with me?
Brennan: Not wrong. You just have alpha male attributes usually associated with a solitary existence.
Booth: What, me? You're solitary.
Brennan: No, no, I'm private.

Brennan: He thinks just because Masruk's wife started working out and had a little makeover, she's having an affair.
Angela: Hmm, and how long were they married?
Booth: Eleven years.
Angela: I'm with him.
Brennan: There's no concrete proof.
Angela: Boobs perkier?
Booth: Mmm-hmm.
Brennan: I don't believe this. If you're so sure, then why didn't you confront her?
Angela: Because if she and her boyfriend were involved, she would warn him.
Booth: Very good.
Angela: I'm a constant surprise.

Angela: [to Booth] So, how many nights a week does "Sexy" sleep over?

Hodgins: I graduated top of my class, Rhodes Scholar, the youngest member inducted into the Academy of Physical Sciences, but [Brennan] still makes me feel like a cretin.
Zack: [smugly] She apologized to me.

Angela: Apparently, they live together a few times a week. But he made it very clear that she has her own place.
Zack: Should you be intruding in their lives like this?
Angela: Oh yeah. Absolutely.

Angela: [referring to Brennan] Please, she's been sleeping alone for months! She has enough pent-up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern city.

Booth: Can we talk about something else?
Brennan: Sure. Tessa?
Booth: Tessa?! No. Why do you want to talk about Tessa?
Brennan: What? Why? Why not? We won't talk about Tessa.

Brennan: We'll find out who killed him, Booth. We've got Hamid's body. You can always count on the dead.

Brennan: Isn't the FBI working on that?
Hodgins: Yes. It's just for fun.
Brennan: To see who's better?
Hodgins: Maybe. A little. Yeah.
Brennan: Good luck.

Angela: There is trouble in paradise!
Brennan: I beg your pardon?
Angela: Tessa does not feel secure in that relationship. I think she's threatened by you!
Brennan: You talked to her?
Angela: Well, she didn't say much, but even though she has a phenomenal figure, she was chowing down on a fat-free muffin, and she was reading a book about unsolved FBI cases. Ah... She's obviously feeling insecure.
Hodgins: She's spying for you?
Brennan: No, no!
Zack: They have nothing in common. It's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction. And we hear it's been a while.

Booth: Trying to track down the doctor?
Brennan: Don't need him. It's definitely a toxin, but we can't determine what kind.
Zack: Too bad the liver is cooked. That could tell us everything.
Booth: You know, I need subtitles walking in here.

Zack: [about his Dermestes maculatus beetles] You can't kill them, they have names.

The Boy in the Tree [1.3][edit]

Zack: She said take a hint, but when I asked "what hint?" Naomi said if she told me what hint that it wouldn't be a hint anymore, it would be a statement.

Zack: I understood the individual words but I do not comprehend her meaning.
Angela: Did you tell Naomi that?
Zack: Yes. She said ask your friends if I have any.

Booth: You want to increase the perimeter here? Gentleman, give my forensic anthropologist some room.
Brennan: "Your" forensic anthropologist?

Booth: Ah, you know, I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.
Brennan: I don't like sheriffs. They are elected into office, which means their goal is being re-elected, not finding the truth.

Booth: Can you identify him through the serial number?
Brennan: That's correct, but the interesting thing is that...
Booth: Ah, you can fill me in later.
Brennan: No, but the interesting thing is that it's...
Booth: That is correct.
Brennan: What?
Booth: That is interesting.
Brennan: Are you drunk or something?
Booth: Ah, we'll catch up later. And, uh, thanks for calling.
Brennan: Wait! I'm not completely certain the boy's death was a suicide.
Booth: Ah, you know, we'll grab some Chinese food and you can fill me in later on all the boring details.

[At the lab. Brennan is looking at an x-ray in the light over the body on a table. Booth comes walking into the lab towards the platform.]
Booth: What do you mean it's not a suicide? [A post leading up the stairs to the podium starts to beep and flash red rapidly.] What the hell is that?
Brennan: We can't just let anyone step into the forensics area and contaminate all the boring details.
Booth: The boring details - [to Zack] Do not push me, kid. [to Brennan] "The boring details" was my signal for you to stop talking, okay? I want my own card.
Brennan: Well, I want my own gun.
Booth: Last time you had a gun you shot someone.
Zack: He was a bad guy.
Booth: Okay, look, who's our victim?
Brennan: All the boring details?
Booth: Let it go, Bones, move on.
Brennan: Don't call me "Bones".

Booth: I don't... I don't like people who think they're better then other people.
Brennan: Some people are better than other people.
Booth: Uh, you know what you said right there... That is so un-American. All men are created equal. Either you believe that or you don't.
Brennan: Some people are smarter then others, there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nester's parents?
Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. "We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss." And we are.
Brennan: What?
Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad. Try to remember that.
Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.
Booth: You're bad with people, okay? No use being offended by the fact.

Zack: What did Naomi mean when she said 'take a hint'?
Hodgins: Ooh.
Zack: What did I do wrong?
Hodgins: It's not what you did wrong. It's what you didn't do.
Zack: Where do you learn this stuff?
Hodgins: There are some things you learn by doing… riding a bike, driving a car, pleasing a woman.
Zack: I can't ride a bike or drive a car.
Hodgins: Or, apparently, please a woman.
Zack: I need specific instructions, a list of techniques to implement or a sequence of moves.
Hodgins: I'm not really the guy to talk to about that.
Zack: Why not? You've slept with like ten thousand women.

Booth: Sure, you know, someone says, you know, "it smells" in a Spanish accent and all of a sudden you're like, "Hmmm, interesting."

Brennan: You know what's a better question? What makes you think you get to decide what's relevant? You're basically the principal of a high school.

Booth: If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in handcuffs.
Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you.

Brennan: You're the least objective person I have ever met.
Booth: Thank you.
Brennan: It's not a compliment.

Booth: Maybe if you looked for more than the facts, you would be able to see the bigger pic—
Brennan: Maybe if you opened your mind we could find out the actual truth.

Zack: I had sex with Naomi in Paleontology.
Angela: You mean actually in Paleontology?
Zack: No, at her place. I thought it went great, but I could be wrong, because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is basic. And since she never called me back, I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.
Angela: You know what, Zack? I'm thinking this is more of a guy-guy conversation.

Zack: Sometime when you're not busy, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions.
Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.

Booth: Well, this is where a public school education comes in handy. "Divide and conquer" was the playground motto.

Angela: When you're with someone, the gymnastics aren't what matter. It's who you are. It's in your intentions and how much you care about the other person.
Zack: If you don't want to help me, just say so.
Angela: All right, I'm going to let you in on a secret. This is a female secret. Go to Naomi and tell her you don't know anything about lovemaking. Sex, yeah. Lovemaking, you're a blank slate. You'll do anything she wants if she just introduces you to the secrets of love. She'll be more interested in that then if you were the most imaginative lover on the planet
Zack: That is totally counterintuitive.
Angela: Just do it, Z-man. Reap the benefits of my sexual wisdom.

The Man in the Bear [1.4][edit]

Brennan: An autopsy on an animal is called necropsy.
Booth: Yeah, it's pretty crucial we get that straight right off the bat. Meanwhile, about the dead human being?

Brennan: Residual cross-section striae.
Booth: Hmm... Just because you say it in that definitive tone doesn't mean it means anything to me.

Brennan: I'm not going to Washington state.
Booth: Again, just because you say in that definitive tone doesn't mean it means anything to me.

Brennan: Why is Booth the one who decides if we are going to Washington state? He gets the gun and the authority. He's the one that people like.
Dr. Goodman: Firstly, he didn't decide that you go to Washington state. He made a request. I'm the one who decides where you do and do not go.
Brennan: And secondly?
Dr. Goodman: Secondly, it's time to live a little, Temperance. Connect with other people.
Brennan: Are you suggesting that I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?
Dr. Goodman: Good God, where's Dr. Freud when you need him?
Brennan: I don't understand what you are saying.
Dr. Goodman: Which is precisely why I am sending you to the great north woods. Come on now, you have partially digested human remains to examine. That should put a smile on your face. The mosquitoes out there are the size of dogs. Pack insect repellent.

Booth: You know, being cooped up in a crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere with a fifty dollar per diem is not my idea of a good time either, you know.
Brennan: You only get fifty dollars a day? How do you live on that?
Booth: Okay, what do you mean? What do you get?
Brennan: I don't have a limit, I just give them the receipts.
Booth: Oh no, you have to have a limit. Everyone has a limit. We work for the government.
Brennan: I don't have a limit.
Booth: But it's not fair. It's not fair to the taxpayers. You could get one of those thousand-dollar toilet seats.
Brennan: I imagine I'm treated differently than you because I have an indispensable skill.
Booth: Oh right, indispensable. I do not need you.
Brennan: Oh, so you can determine the origin of the curf marks as well as the sex and age of the victim?
Booth: [laughs] You know, you're a smartass. You know that?
Brennan: Objectively, I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.

Booth: You know, it's beautiful here, feels good to be out of the city.
Brennan: Yeah, where murderers feed their victims to bears.

[Brennan enters Charlie's shop, carrying the human hand in a box]
Charlie: Need a hand?
Brennan: Thanks, but I'm trying to get rid of this one.

Charlie: [grabs the form Brennan filled out] Hey, Temperance Brennan, I'm reading your book. Gave me a few ideas if I ever want to kill someone and get rid of the body.
Brennan: [laughs] Don't forget, Charlie, the heroine always catches the bad guy.

Booth: Oh yeah, now that you've met Bones you're all about the inner agency cooperation.
Sheriff: "Bones"? Now I don't think that is any way to talk to a lady.

Hodgins: All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?
Zack: Pack 'em up tighter, maybe, say in a suitcase.
Hodgins: How did a bear open a suitcase?
Zach: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.
Hodgins: That was not a documentary, it was a cartoon.

Sherman: Did you ever hear of the bone gatherers, collecting bones so that the dead can make their journey to the next world?
Brennan: Not even sure I believe in the next world.
Sherman: Doesn't matter what you believe in. You're a bone gatherer. That's a good thing, helping the spirits move on.
Brennan: Thank you. It's probably the best job description I will ever get.

Charlie: Do you do all the stuff the girl in your book does?
Brennan: I'm slightly uncomfortable discussing that with you.
Charlie: No, I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about the running and the shooting. I mean, if you do do all that other stuff that's great too, for you and, um, whoever you're doing it with.

Brennan: We don't just have a killer on our hands, we have a cannibal.

Brennan: I've never been offered human flesh before.
Booth: But what if you had?
Brennan: It's an interesting question. I would have to measure my own social inculcation against scientific inquiry.
Booth: Okay, that's sick.

Angela: Somebody gnawed on this arm like some kind of man-corn?

[Talking by computer web cam]
Angela: Hey Booth, I have kind of a thing for tattoos. You got any?
Brennan: Angela!
Angela: I'm sorry, sweetie, but what's with that town? You gettin' any from that hot overnight guy?
Brennan: Ang, we're trying to work.
Angela: Is that town totally wasted on you, sweetie? Because I take this as a sign from God to loosen up. You know what they say: "What happens in Aurora stays in Aurora."

[Brennan and Booth in the car and Brennan is talking to Angela on the phone]
Angela: So did you catch the guy?
Brennan: No, Booth lost him in the woods.
Booth: Whoa, wait a second. I didn't lose him.
Brennan: Well, you didn't catch him.
Angela: So you two have the night free?
Brennan: Yes, we can't do anything until I get a determination on that meat and Booth has to wait until it's light to look for the guy he lost.
Booth: I didn't lose him, okay? He, uh, tell her that my flashlight died.
Brennan: She doesn't care.
Angela: What?
Booth: Give me the phone.
Brennan: [holds phone away] It's not safe to drive and talk on the cell phone.
Angela: Are you two fighting?
Booth: Professional pride, tell her, please tell her that.
Brennan: Booth wants you to know that he lost the guy because his flashlight died.
Booth: And because he's an Indian and he's a park ranger and he's very very familiar with the territory. Tell her that.
Brennan: Did you hear that?
Angela: Yeah, something about Indian Territory.
Brennan: Yeah, she says she understands.

Brennan: Everybody is pumping me.
Booth: I'm sorry?
Brennan: For information on the case.
Booth: Bones, they're only pretending to be interested in the case.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: They're hitting on you.
Brennan: [laughs] Are you sure?
Booth: Yes, I'm sure. You're the hottest thing this town has seen in a long time.

Booth: You didn't come down for breakfast, Bones.
Brennan: Wasn't hungry. Sorry you had to pay for your own meal.

Angela: [to Hodgins] Did you work all night?
Hodgins: Yes, I shaved the truffle.
Angela: Is that anything like spanking the monkey?
Hodgins: I found boaring dust.
Angela: Is there any other kind?
Hodgins: Boaring dust is produced by beetles, which mean the tree the truffle grew on was infested.
Zack: That's not going to impress Toni.
Hodgins: That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.
Angela: That'll impress the hot courier.
Hodgins: I am back in the game.

Booth: Dr. Randall, if you... can you just bite these?
Denise: And if I were your cannibal, would I have pointed out that there were human bones in the bear after the autopsy?
Brennan: An autopsy on an animal is called a necropsy.
Denise: Yeah, there's a reason I get all the guys and you don't. [She bites down on the dental mold.] Let me tell ya, if I ate Adam there wouldn't be anything left.

Brennan: What if I have to shoot? What part of his body should I hit?
Booth: The part that isn't me. Just stay back.

Dr. Rigby: You don't understand it's a spiritual right to share the life force…
Booth: Look, you're nuts, okay, we get it. We don't need to hear the rambling psycho speech on why you did it.
Dr. Rigby: You're an anthropologist. [He steps towards Brennan and then by her to the body.] You know that ancient civilizations would sacrifice some in order to preserve the strength...
[Brennan hits him from behind in the head with a bedpan. He goes down on the floor.]
Booth: What'd you do that for?
Brennan: Nobody wants to hear that rambling psycho speech.
Booth: A bedpan? Hmm.

Hodgins: What are you doing here?
Angela: Are you kidding? It's like watching the clash of the horny titans.

Brennan: And to think I didn't want to come here with you. I mean, this was a fascinating case. You don't often find ritual cannibalism practiced so close to home.
Booth: Which I find a plus.
Brennan: There are always those individuals within a species who are driven to break the most basic taboos. I mean, Rigby actually ate human flesh.
Booth: Bones, I just got my steak and eggs.
Brennan: Rigby has a prion disease, which means he's been a cannibal for quite some time. Do you realize when we go to trial he could use the insanity defense?
Booth: The guy is nuts.
Brennan: Yes, but is he nuts because he got a brain disease from eating human flesh, or was he already nuts the first time he ate flesh, or did he just lick his fingers after surgery?
Booth: I should just become a vegetarian.
Brennan: Or, as an alternative, just don't eat people.

A Boy In a Bush [1.5][edit]

[Brennan is giving a lecture and has opened up the floor for questions. Booth is in the audience and stands up.]
Booth: I have a question regarding the FBI in your book. Who do you base brilliant and insightful Special Agent Andy Lister on?
Dr. Goodman: Oh, for God's sake.
Booth: 'Cause, you know, I'm pretty sure it was me.

[Booth and Brennan approach her car, a silver Mercedes convertible.]
Booth: [impressed] You gotta be kidding me.
Brennan: What? My publishers gave it to me.
Booth: Gave it to you?
Brennan: Book sales are pretty good. It's supposed to be a nice car.
Booth: [still incredulous] Gave it to you?
Brennan: Yeah.
Booth: Well, why'd you park it crooked?
Brennan: The guy told me to always park it like that.
Booth: [shakes his head] He's wrong. Makes you look like an idiot.

Cop: [to Brennan] You mind if I make an observation?
Brennan: No, of course not.
Cop: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that?
Brennan: You mean two-dimensional.
Zack: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value.
Cop: Oookay. Really looking forward to your next book.

Brennan: [to Zach] Did you bring the thermal imager?
Zach: I don't think we need it. [Brennan glares at him] It makes me look like the Great Gazoo.
Brennan: Okay, I don't know what that means, but we definitely need it, Zach.
[Cut to thermal image of Brennan and Booth]
Booth: [to Zach, in the thermal imaging suit] How's it going there Darth? Seen anything on Saturn? [to Brennan] Please tell me you've seen at least one Star Wars movie.

Dr. Goodman: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena. A Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.
Brennan: You're not going to fire us if we don't go.
Dr. Goodman: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.
Zach: The shuttle smells like feet.

Zach: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on.
Brennan: That's a valid observation, Zach, but it's not helpful to the investigation.
Zach: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: I was at Waco. Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire—seventeen of them.
Zach: So you're saying I'll get used to it?
Brennan: No, I'm saying you will never get used to it. We're primates, social creatures; it's coded into our DNA to protect our young, even from each other.
Zach: So I'm always going to feel terrible?
Brennan: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box.
Zach: I'm not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: Focus on the details.
Zach: Details, yeah, I can do that.

Brennan: Any way to enhance it?
Angela: Well, I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrell on it.
Brennan: I know him. He's funny.
Angela: Funny is Will Ferrell, sweetie. Hot is Colin Farrell.

Brennan: I'm afraid Angela might quit.
Booth: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, because she's human. I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know [sighs] Angela didn't get the same training the rest of you got on planet Vulcan.

Booth: Whoa. He must be one of those Hodginses.
Zach: Who are those Hodginses?
Booth: I mean the Cantilever Group Hodgins.
Angela: Oh, my God.
Zach: The same Cantilever Group that generates more GNP than Europe?
Angela: Get this. They're the single biggest donors to the Jeffersonian Institute.
Booth: Ha! That makes Hodgins your boss!

Booth: Okay, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can grab a reflection.
Zach: [impressed] That's a workable idea.
Booth: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of miracle.

Hodgins: Chem Lab mass spectrometer identifies the particulates in Charlie Sanders' mouth as fluoride. [Brennan is staring at her computer screen] I know that look.
Brennan: What?
Hodgins: You're writing another book. When you write you get this stunned look on your face like you stuck a fork in a toaster.

Brennan: [voice breaking] Tell you what, if I can't respect the law, I can at least respect you.
Booth: Well—yeah, that'll work, too. I mean, it kind of comes out of nowhere, but—

Hodgins: Zach has been informed that if he tells anyone who I am, I will kick him out on the street like a stray dog. Sadly, there is nothing I can threaten you two with.
Angela: Yeah, that's a shame.

Brennan: Do you remember me, Sean?
Sean Cook: You're the museum lady, the one who's so smart.
Brennan: Yeah, I'm pretty smart.
[outside the interrogation room]
Attorney: [sarcastically] And modest.
Booth: Oh, believe me, she is being modest.

Brennan: By the way, there's a huge ding in my passenger side door because you told me not to park it at an angle.
Booth: [laughs]
Brennan: Okay, that's just mean!

Dr. Goodman: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro. You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces, their identities, you remind us all of why we're here in the first place... because we treasure human life.
[Angela tears up and hugs Dr. Goodman, Brennan walks in]
Brennan: What happened?
Zach: Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

The Man in the Wall [1.6][edit]

Angela: TGIF? You heard of that?
Brennan: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym, but my inbox is full.
Angela: We know that's not true.
Brennan: A student needs help identifying some remains, and there's a TV show that needs research. Not that they listen.
Angela: We're going.
Brennan: I really should catalog that skull. It's in the museums exhibit on the French Revolution.
Angela: Yeah, Pepé Le Pew is more important than booze and boys.
Brennan: I don't think that's his name.

Angela: We are so gonna tear it up tonight!
Brennan: That's slang, right?
Angela: Right.

Booth: [laughs] Are you two high?
Angela: Only by accident, so it doesn't count.

Booth: Bones? Bones, how does something like this happen? [Booth reaches his hand towards it and Bones grabs it, twisting a little and walking him backwards.]
Brennan: Well, the Egyptians would give the body a cedar oil enema and then rinse it with wine and cover it with salt, but I don't think that's what happened here.
Booth: Bones, you are totally wasted.

Brennan: Zack, Zack! Zack. Come here, come here. Isn't this a beautiful specimen of mummification?
Zack: [to Booth] What's going on?
Booth: Let's just say your boss inhaled.

[Booth walks into Bones's office while she's listening to hip-hop music]
Booth: Never knew this side of you, Bones.
Brennan: It's DJ Mount.
Booth: You're hung over. Doesn't this make your head explode?
Brennan: I grabbed a couple hours of sleep on my couch and showered in the lab's decontamination room.
Booth: Ooh, you really know how to live.
Brennan: Angela said rap artists sometimes kill each other over the music. Jam Master Jay, Tupac, Biggie.
Booth: Do you even know who you're talking about?
Brennan: Yeah, I've done my Googling.
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: Listen, you can hear the alpha male asserting himself.
Booth: [makes some rap noises] Yeah, fill your ass up… [makes more noises] with lead? Always a nice lyric.

Booth: Okay, how about this? DJ Mount trusted Eve because they were sleeping together. So she meets him in the wall, takes the drugs, kills him for Rulz, then takes off.
Brennan: Yeah, you should write fiction.
Booth: What? It's reasonable.
Brennan: It's not based on evidence. It's conjecture.
Booth: Look, I'm positing a scenario. We've been through this before.
Brennan: Yeah, and it always seems to be a waste of time. Now, finding a marker on a bone...
Booth: I know, you know, I think I need a vacation. I think you do too.
Brennan: I'm not the one who's snippy.
Booth: "Snippy"? [laughs] What are you, seventy?
Brennan: See what I mean? I think you should find a nice relaxing place to go on that vacation. Somewhere where you can get a massage, maybe do some yoga.
Booth: I don't do yoga, okay? Push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups... that's what I do.
Brennan: Yeah, that's more cardiovascular. Yoga deals more with—
Booth: Why exactly are we talking about this?
Brennan: Because you're tense.
Booth: Because we're talking. [turns on the CD player, and DJ Rulz comes on] You switched my music.

Brennan: Do you ever go on vacation?
Zack: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.
Brennan: What do you do?
Zack: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.
Brennan: Do you enjoy that?
Zack: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons. They think I'm a freak.
Brennan: Then why do you go?
Zack: They're my family... they love me.

Hall: I've been investigated for years. Why do you think they never got me on anything?
Booth: Because you're so smart?
Hall: Because Terrance Baskin is my past. I'm one hundred percent clean now. This is my life now. This and my record label, not crystal meth... not gang-banging.
Brennan: Yet much of the iconic quality of the urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.
Hall: Where did you find her?
Booth: Museum.

Brennan: Toody has traveled the world finding dead bodies.
Booth: Does Toody always drool like that?
[Brennan and the dog handler glare at him.]
Booth: What? Am I going to hurt her... [looks under the dog] his feelings?
Handler: Toody is the best cadaver dog in the world, Agent Booth.
Brennan: It's true. If you were a dead body, you'd want Toody looking for you.
Booth: How can he smell anything buried under a building?
Brennan: He can. Once I saw Toody find a dead body wrapped in plastic under concrete after four years.
Handler: Toody can smell decaying blood on a tooth six feet underground. I mean, so what, he drools a little. What's up with that? You know, your eyes are kinda close together, but I don't comment.
Booth: I apologize.
Handler:[to Brennan] Is he sincere?
Brennan: Yes.
Handler: Then we accept.

Booth: Randall Hall, he's behind this. Randall Hall, okay? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him and there's no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash, or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.
Brennan: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.
Booth: I can't let it stand.
Brennan: What?
Booth: You know what? I'm going to spread the pain. All right, that's my new motto.
[Booth turns and leaves. Brennan chases behind him.]
Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!

Hodgins: How many times you want me to poke Zack?
Brennan: Just once, but as hard as you can.
Zack: As hard as he can? Why don't I hit him as hard as I can?
Hodgins: Because you have arms like noodles, while I'm vigorous and burly.

Brennan: I'm an anthropologist. I know the stages of everything. You made those up.
Angela: I did not.

A Man on Death Row [1.7][edit]

Booth: Name?
Brennan: You know my name.
Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol.
Brennan: It's ridiculous.
Booth: Fine. [slides application to her] Then we're done here. Do you want to get some coffee?
Brennan: [slides it back] My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?
Brennan: To shoot people.
Booth: Not a good response.
Brennan: It's the truth.
Booth: You know, I'm writing "self-defense in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI."
Brennan: ...So I can shoot them.
Booth: Have you ever been charged with a felony?
Brennan: Charged or convicted?
Booth: Charged.
Brennan: You know I have.
Booth: I have to ask the questions.
Brennan: [rolls her eyes] Bureaucratic nonsense.
Booth: Nevertheless—name of the arresting officer?
Brennan: You. [Booth gives her a look.] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you?
Booth: I can sound it out.

Booth: You can't have a gun.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Because you were charged with a felony.
Brennan: Write down that you were wrong to charge me.
Booth: Oh, there's no space for that.
Brennan: Why did we go through all this if you were never going to give me a gun?
Booth: You have a constitutional right to apply for a weapon. I would never deny your constitutional right.
Brennan: Well, uh, I need a gun.
Booth: Rules are rules.
Brennan: Tell them that I shot a murderer who was going to light me on fire.
Booth: Which is why you weren't convicted but you did shoot an unarmed man. I... I can't ignore that. I swore an oath to protect society from people who shoot people.
Brennan: It was only his leg, and he's in jail for the rest of his life. How much is he going to use it anyway?

Amy: Am I interrupting?
Booth: I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them a picture.
Amy: Which is why I wore the tiny skirt.
Booth: Very cute.

Amy: You work with Booth?
Brennan: Yes, I'm a forensic anthropologist.
Amy: I'm a defense lawyer. I tend to work against Booth.
Booth: If it's all the same, I'd prefer you two didn't bond in any way.

[Hodgins and Zach are racing beetles]
Hodgins: What if they get mixed up?
Zach: I can tell them apart. [points to one] That's Jeff and [points to the other] that's Ollie. I win.
Hodgins: What? Wha... That one was mine!
Zach: You had Jeff. I had Ollie, Ollie won and you owe me a buck.
Hodgins: You want in on the action, Angela?
Angela: [sighs] No, thank you. I'm going to go have sex.

Angela: You sure you don't wanna come? Troy can call a friend.
Brennan: [looking at bones] I've been waiting months for these. It's a partial skeleton from southern France. It's...
Angela: You know, the whole point of the week is the weekend. This is not the cabaret, my friend. Life is the cabaret. Come to the cabaret. [Brennan gives her a blank stare.] It's like describing the moon to a mole.

Hodgins: I demand another beetle, all right? Jeff's got a groin pull.
Zach: Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up.

Booth: [notices the beetles] Okay, our tax dollars hard at work.
Hodgins: Yeah, what's break time at the FBI, book burning?

Booth: Hey Bones, what are you doing this weekend?
Brennan: I have plans.
Booth: Come on, I'm serious.
Brennan: Between your girlfriend the corporate lawyer and the defense lawyer on the side, your weekend must be completely booked. What is your thing with lawyers?
Booth: Uh, look. Seven years ago a seventeen-year-old girl, April Wright, was found beaten to death in a federal park. Okay? Amy is just trying to stop the guy who did it from being executed.
Brennan: So I guess we're not pursuing your lawyer obsession.

Brennan: Let's see if these shadows are bone fragments or something else.
Booth: Like what?
Brennan: Let's pretend we're objective scientists and not indulge in conjecture. Zach, get a driver to take you over to Greenbelt Park. I want you to take pictures of the area where the body was, ground covering, paved areas.
Booth: Why does he need a driver?
Zach: [embarrassed] I can't drive.
Booth: You're a genius who can't drive?
Zach: If you know what I know about constructural design, you wouldn't drive either.

Angela: [to Brennan] Why did you call me in? Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy.

[The phone starts ringing in the lab and Hodgins picks it up.]
Hodgins: Hodgins.
Zach: [on other end of phone] Most trecondi codes have a complex numerical cypher.
Hodgins: That's a fun factoid, Zach, thank you.
Zach: 12402510221. That's the number they found on the victim.
Hodgins: Well, you're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies.

Troy: [to Hodgins] Hey? So, uh, what exactly do they do here? Ah, I thought Angela was an artist.
Hodgins: She is. We do mostly forensic identification and reconstruction of discorporated remains. My specialty is entomology and particulates. Have you ever seen maggots? [holds up a jar of them] I just got these in.
Angela: [walks behind Hodgins] Do not talk to him. [sighs] Wait in the lounge, baby. It's up those stairs right over there. Don't talk to anybody.

Amy: So, you seeing each other?
Brennan: Who?
Amy: You and Booth.
Brennan: No. [laughs a little] No, we're... we're working together.
Amy: 'Cause I'm picking up a bit of a sex vibe.
Brennan: No, that's tension. He has a girlfriend.
Amy: Tall, blonde, beautiful?
Brennan: Lawyer.
Amy: Figures... should've jumped him when I had the chance.
Brennan: You're really interested in Booth?
Amy: You aren't?
Brennan: No.
Amy: Well, then why are you helping him?
Brennan: Because he asked me. He said 'please'.
Amy: [laughs] Come on, you think he's hot?
Brennan: No, not at all. This is a very interesting case.
Amy: Booth did say you had some kind of mania for the truth.
Brennan: Mania as in 'maniac'?
Amy: I'm not sure he meant it as a bad thing. [Brennan stares at her.] Which obviously is how you're taking it.

Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.
Booth: Very poetic.
Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. When I look at a bone, it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It's a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is.

The Girl in the Fridge [1.8][edit]

Brennan: Angela, is this conversation really appropriate here?
Angela: Sorry, but I'm into alive people.

Zack: [excitedly] The Anthropology Journal is publishing our piece on the Coronals suture.
Brennan: Worthy interruption.
[Zach offers his fist to her. She looks confused.]
Zack: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours.
Brennan: Why?
Zack: I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. [Puts his fist down.]
Angela: I love it when you two impersonate Earthlings.

[Hodgins enters the room, carrying a red box]
Hodgins: Okay, now, this is weird. There's some guy in the lounge who asked me to give you this. [Hands the box to Brennan.]
Angela: Is he alive? Because this is an excellent start to a relationship.
Hodgins: I didn't put a mirror under his nose or anything. [to Brennan] He said that you'd know who he was when you opened it.
[Brennan opens the package, inspects the contents, then hurries out of the room.]
Angela: Okay, a guy that gets her to stop working? This I have to see. [Angela leaves the room, quickly followed by Hodgins and Zack.]

Brennan: So why are you here?
Michael: George Washington University wants to talk to me about heading their Anthropology department.
Brennan: They'd be lucky to get you.
Michael: I assume they tried you first.
Brennan: I already had a job.

Hodgins: [referring to Brennan and her gentleman caller] It's like watching cars mate.
Angela: It's got to be Michael. Stires. Her Forensic Anthropology professor from Northwestern. They were...
Hodgins: Very, very close?
[Angela nods]
Zack: Dr. Brennan is my Forensic Anthropology professor. Does that mean—
Angela and Hodgins: [firmly, shaking their heads] No.

Zack: [to himself, trying to draw a logical conclusion] If she was his student, and I'm her student, then it follows...
Hodgins: Ain't gonna happen, Zack-O, not in this universe.

Brennan: [smiling] Not tonight. I have a dinner.
Booth:: [surprised] What? Wow. I just assumed that the two of you would be eating off an autopsy table.

Hodgins: Using a refrigerator to hide a body... kinda perfect, isn't it?
Zack: A good way to remove the victim without being detected. The rubber gaskets seal in the odor.
Angela: Maybe the company should use that in their ads.

[Zack and Hodgins approach Michael like protective older brothers]
Hodgins: [arms crossed] You were Brennan's professor?
Michael: She was twenty-three, an adult.
Hodgins: That's what Clinton said.
Zack: You run through a lot of students?
Michael: That was a long time ago, and Tempe was very advanced, more a colleague than a student.
Zack: [looking back at Dr. Brennan] I'm a pretty advanced student.
Michael: No offense, but I'm not interested.
Zack: No, uh, I meant me and her...
Hodgins: [laughs and bumps Zack's shoulder] Burn!

Angela: Where did you go to dinner last night?
Brennan: We wound up staying in. We need to know if that amount was accrued over time or was delivered in one large dose.
Angela: [delighted] You didn't come back to the lab, did you?
Michael: I made frittata.
Angela: [impressed] Oh, wow, he cooks too. Can we share him?

Booth: You know, when the regular stuff, when it gets old, you need to spice it up or it's over. The sex is good, you don't need any help.
Brennan: [smirking to herself] Yeah, that's for sure.
Booth: Sorry?
Brennan: I was agreeing.
Booth: Yeah, well, don't. It kinda freaks me out.
Brennan: I was just saying that I myself feel no inclination towards pain or dominance when it comes to sex.
Booth: Are you sure?
Brennan: Yeah, I'm sure.
Booth: 'Cause you can be very bossy.
[She swats him with a crop from the evidence box.]

Brennan: [triumphantly] Her legs were bound.
Zack: There are erosion patterns from the bones rubbing together over time.
Booth: If this were the result of sex games, then the legs, they wouldn't be bound together. [Michael looks back at him skeptically.] Oh, come on, you know? Lookin' for a little nooky, the last thing you tie together are the legs.

Booth: Bones. The judge is holding them without bail. The US attorney is thinking about sending you flowers.
Brennan: Facts are facts.
Booth: Uh, Bones, I have to ask—how much have you been sharing with, uh, the professor?
Brennan: [indignant] None of your business.
Booth: I mean on the case.

Booth: Bones, you okay?
Brennan: Why wouldn't I be?
Booth: Oh, 'cause the nutty professor's graded your paper. What'd give you, anyway? I was always happy with a B.
Brennan: I never got a B, and I never will. [walks off]
Booth: [to himself] That's my girl.

Jury Consultant: Juries don't like you.
Brennan: Excuse me?
Jury Consultant: I've seen you testify before, Dr. Brennan. You come off as cold and aloof. I want to make sure—
Brennan: Cold and aloof?
Jury Consultant: Try not interrupting, it makes you sound arrogant. Also, don't frontload your testimony with technical crap.
Booth: [shaking his head warningly at the Jury Consultant] Look, this really is not the best approach.

Brennan: You said, "We tell the truth. We do not flinch." You flinched, Michael.

Brennan: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.
Levitt: But it's informed by it. Are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?
Brennan: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context, but you can't break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces. She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied, and her side, her hip, and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection, and the more she struggled, the more pain she was in, so they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. Only she matters, only Maggie.

The Man in the Fallout Shelter [1.9][edit]

Brennan: Better able to withstand peer pressure when you can't catch me.

Brennan: I don't like secret Santa. The idea that we are forced by convention to exchange meaningless gifts is…
Angela: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. If you rearrange "secret Santa", though, you get "secret Satan".
Brennan: What possible meaning could that have?
Angela: I've already had an eggnog, if you can't tell. Now, how am I going to enjoy this party knowing that my best friend in the whole world is in the lab, eyeball to eyeball with Skeletor?
Brennan: Who?

Brennan: Booth, will you escort Angela to the Christmas party and make sure she doesn't photocopy her butt?

Brennan: I thought that you were at the party.
Booth: Oh, that wasn't a party, that was a Star Wars convention.

Brennan: Is that pure alcohol?
Zach: [flustered] Yes, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: You really think Goodman's going to let you spike the eggnog after the Fourth of July fiasco?

Angela: Okay, you people listen to me. There is a party going on upstairs, okay? A Christmas party. We're gonna talk to some people, we're going to sing some carols, were gonna drink some eggnog. [She points at Booth.] You are going to kiss me under the mistletoe. On the lips. [She turns to Zach and Hodgins.] I might kiss you guys under the mistletoe too. [She turns to Brennan.] Maybe even you. In a festive, non-lesbian manner. But we are going to that party.

Angela: Hey, whose fault is this?
Hodgins: Who forced me to go to the party where I drank too much and had to hide from Crystal?
Angela: Who never should have cut into a bone with a drunken fool in the room?
Zack: Who brought us human remains just to ditch a little paperwork?
Booth: Oh, wait, you're saying this is my fault.
Dr. Goodman: You knew Dr. Brennan could not resist.
Brennan: Well, I would have been able to resist if I was in Niger, where I wanted to be.

Booth: What are those little tiny lights dancing on the ceiling?
Dr. Goodman: For the third time, those are minute firings of neurons on your optic nerve due to your reaction to the anti-fungal cocktail.
Booth: Wow, whoa. They're beautiful.
Dr. Goodman: [laughs] You are stoned, Agent Booth.

Angela: It's all so tragic. A cheap wedding ring sewn into his suit, two tickets to Paris. It makes you wonder—who was the girl? Can you imagine what it was like for her, waiting and wondering, never knowing what happened?
Brennan: I don't have to imagine.

Booth: Bones, it's after midnight. Hm? Christmas Eve Day. Both an eve and a day. It's a Christmas miracle.
Brennan: Still enjoying your medication, I see.

Booth: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.
Brennan: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren't persecuted.
Booth: What are you, like, the Christmas killer?
Brennan: It's the truth.
Booth: No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.
Brennan: I ruin the true truth with facts?

Booth: You know, you don't know if you are sick, but you're more than willing to take drugs just in case. It seems to me you could give the man upstairs the same benefit of the doubt you do an invisible fungus.

Angela: All right, we need a way to choose our secret Santas.
Zack: I could build a random generator.
Dr. Goodman: Wouldn't it be better to match complimentary people in a premeditated manner?
Hodgins: I've got five numbers in my head and five letters. You tell me the number and I'll tell you the matching letter.
Dr. Goodman: Are the letter sequential or are the numbers sequential?
Hodgins: Sequential. We'll go in order oldest to youngest.
Zack: Six.
Hodgins: There's no six.
Dr. Goodman: A through E and 1 through 5?
Booth: [holds out a canister with their names written out on slips on paper in front of them] Just pick a name, and if you get your own put it back in.
Dr. Goodman: Oh. That could work.
Hodgins: Yeah, that's good.
Angela: Good idea.

Brennan: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?
Booth: Wow, that's... that's deep. It's a very deep pile of crap.
Brennan: You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point. [points to picture] Any idea what this is?
Booth: No. [hands picture back to her]
Brennan: Me neither. Try Dr. Goodman.
Booth: You know, Bones, you make it very very hard for me to be nice to you.

Zach: Be kind, rewind.

Hodgins: Puperia showed Lionel had valley fever.
Brennan: We sorta knew that.
Hodgins: Wow, was that a shot? Because I apologized. I mean, Goodman doesn't get to see his family. Zack doesn't get to see his kids. Booth doesn't get to see his son. At least I'm an accidental Grinch; with all due respect, you're the Grinch on purpose.
Brennan: I have no idea what you are saying to me.
Hodgins: The Grinch is a relatively well-known creation of a children's author named Dr. Seuss. Listen, I got Angela for my secret Santa thing and what I want to do is blow up a microscopic imagery of a toxic mold, Stachybotrys chartarum, because I know she's interested in digital fractology. I though that might appeal to her aesthetically, do you agree?
Brennan: I'm not really who you want to talk to about... Booth has a kid?
Hodgins: You didn't know?
Brennan: No.
Hodgins: I wasn't the one who told you.

Dr. Goodman: The girlfriend was in trouble.
Angela: Pregnant in trouble?
Hodgins: Ooh, apparently Careful Lionel wasn't so careful.
Booth: Marry a pregnant girl in Oklahoma in the late fifties.
Dr. Goodman: Do you suppose Lionel came up here to procure an abortion?
Angela: You know what? This isn't a very Christmas Eve-type story.
Brennan: Of course it is. The whole Christ myth has been built upon the travails of an unwed mother.
Booth: Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it is more then just a myth.
Brennan: Well, who besides you?
Dr. Goodman: That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.
Angela: I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.
Hodgins: Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn't mean God doesn't love me.
Zack: Hey, I'm a rationalist empiricist all the way. Unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.

Angela: I know your parents disappeared just before Christmas.
Brennan: My brother Russ was nineteen and we were still in the house.
Angela: That must've been strange.
Brennan: Russ found our presents in my parents' room and Christmas Eve, when I was asleep, he snuck down and made Christmas, trying to do the right things for me.
Angela: Christmas for his little sister.
Brennan: But when I came down and saw the lights and the presents...
Angela: You thought your parents were back.
Brennan: I just expected to see them, sitting there, drinking their coffee, watching Russ and me open our presents.
Angela: Oh my God.
Brennan: I kind of lost it. I refused to open the presents until they came back... It was like I told Russ that he wasn't enough family for me. Before New Year's, he went out west to work and I was in the foster system.

Angela: You have to find the girl and tell her what you know. Don't you see? You can give her the answer that you never got.
Brennan: Wha... Angela.
Angela: I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's true. You have a chance here.
Brennan: To say what? "Merry Christmas, Ivy Gillespie. Your fiancé was murdered and your life was ruined, but hey, at least you get to know what happened to him."
Angela: Don't you wish somebody had said that to you?
Brennan: Yes. [She gets up and leaves.]

Booth: You just gave somebody the best Christmas gift they could ever get. Who's the secret Santa now?
Brennan: Stop. [Her voice activates the robot laying on the counter next to Booth. It starts doing push-ups. Booth looks at it.]
Booth: Ooh. [laughs] That weirdo assistant of yours just made me the coolest dad in the world.

The Woman at the Airport [1.10][edit]

Brennan: [to Zack] X-rays, pictures, we're going to do this without touching the actual skeleton as much as possible.
Zack: Kid gloves?
Brennan: Latex should be all right. [pauses] Zack, were you being metaphoric?
Zack: [nods] I decided to give it a shot. Which is also metaphoric.

[Brennan walks into her office and sees Booth sitting at her desk.]
Brennan: [sighs] I need a receptionist. I can't just have anybody waltzing in here.

Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.
Booth: Iron Age warrior, when was the Iron Age?
Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago.
Booth: Fresh body bits, just a little more urgent.
Brennan: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies then there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?
Booth: You know when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?

[Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, CA. Booth is driving a blue Mustang convertible.]
Brennan: This car doesn't feel very FBI-y.
Booth: Bones, this is a nineteen sixty-six Mustang. It's a classic, and what goes better then that with the FBI?
Brennan: How come, on the rental agreement under "model", you made the guy write "sedan"?
Booth: C'mon. We're in California. [puts his arm behind her shoulders] Look, palm trees.
Brennan: You know, I like to drive sometimes.
Booth: Look, our contact out here is Special Agent Trisha Finn.
Brennan: I'm an excellent driver.
Booth: Okay Rain Man.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: I'm always gonna drive. You know that, right? Me behind the wheel and you over there on the grandma side.
Brennan: I'm not above telling Deputy Director Cullen what kind of car you rented.

Hodgins: Look, there's no bugs on him, haven't been for over a thousand years.
Dr. Goodman: There may be spores and pollens, correct?
Hodgins: Probably not.
Dr. Goodman: Dozen of species of pollens have been discovered from the Cretaceous era. How long ago was that?
Zack: [raises hand] Sixty-five million years. [Hodgins glares at him.] That was a pretty good comeback.

Hodgins: We all know that you're going to say I'm unable to authenticate with confidence.
Zack: Why would he do that?
Hodgins: When you declare something authentic, you run the risk of being proven wrong. That doesn't happen if you equivocate. As head of the Jeffersonian, Dr. Goodman will place the reputation of the institution over everything else.
Dr. Goodman: I'm an archaeologist. My findings will be congruent with the facts.
Hodgins: With all due respect, you used to be an archaeologist.
[Hodgins and Dr. Goodman glare at each other.]
Zack: I have no idea what's going on between you two right now.

Dr. Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well used. He's old for a warrior, yet... How did he die, Mr. Addy?
Zack: Looks like tuberculosis.
Dr. Goodman: A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted, yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.
[Hodgins looks up at the ceiling and rolls his eyes, annoyed.]
Hodgins: Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Booth: My hotel doesn't even have a pool.
Brennan: Well, you're welcome to use mine.

Booth: Okay, guys, let's turn our attention back to the murder victim. I'd like to go pay a visit to Dr. Boobs.
Finn: Why? If implants were stolen from him, he won't know anything.
Booth: Because it's the only lead that we've got, Finn, and leads are great for screenplays, or even—say—if you're actually working a real case.

Zack: I have something for you.
Angela: [sighs] Is it chocolate?
Zack: No.
Angela: Then I find my interest has flagged.

Zack: What's with Goodman and Hodgins?
Angela: Oh, they're guys. They should just lay them out on the table and measure.
Zack: Lay what out on the table and measure?
Angela: Okay, awkward moment. Let's just say they have different approaches and they're guys, okay?
Zack: I'm a guy.
Angela: You're more highly evolved. [puts a few markers on the skull] This girl didn't just change her face, she changed her skull. This is going to make Brennan nuts.
Zack: You know one thing.
Angela: What's that?
Zack: She's going to be beautiful. Why would anyone go through all this pain and not end up beautiful?
Angela: Do the names Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers mean anything to you?
Zack: One of them. The other I'll look up.

Kostov: You have the most beautiful bone structure.
Brennan: I can't take credit. It's genetic.

Booth: You touch her, she'll break your arm. [Kostov recoils his hand.] She thinks what you do is...
Brennan: Barbaric.

Brennan: What this young woman did to herself, it's as if she completely removed her own identity. Who hates herself so much that she not only changes her looks but her core architecture? If we don't know who she is, then how will we be able to catch the person who murdered her?
Angela: Is that your way of apologizing?
Brennan: Yes, Angela.
Angela: I accept. I love your guts, sweetie.

Booth: I was wondering if you could have one of your ladies visit me today?
Brennan: [to Booth] You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?

Zack: This is the type of situation where someone says, "Oh my god."
Hodgins: Pretend you're a person and say it.
Zack: Oh my god.

The Woman in the Car [1.11][edit]

Stacy: I'm Stacy Goodyear and joining me on Wakeup DC is Dr. Temperance Brennan. She's the author of the bestselling mystery novel Bred in the Bone, and she's also... now, tell me if I get this wrong... an anthropologist who works with the FBI to solve crimes?
Brennan: Yes, that's correct. I use the bones of people who have been murdered or burned or blown up or eaten by animals or insects or just decomposed.
Stacy: Well, that's exciting. Um, Dr. Brennan, your book has sold over three hundred thousand copies. How do you juggle twin careers as a bestselling author and crime-fighting scientist?
Brennan: Well, I do one, then the other.

Reporter: Do you have any advise for budding authors out there?
Brennan: Well, the first thing you should have is an idea and then... well, first you need something to write with. They... they know that. Well, obviously you need a writing instrument, and you need an idea. I'm just not sure which should come first.

Pickering: Didn't I see you on television this morning, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: How could I possibly know what you watched on television? [She sees Booth and starts to walk over to him.] Booth, I have to talk to you.
Pickering: Yeah, it was definitely her.

Booth: [to Brennan] You know, if this works, I'm gonna buy you a puppy.

[Talking about Brennan's TV interview]
Brennan: Okay, what did I do wrong?
Booth: Maybe next time tell a funny story. Oh, never say you don't like children.
Brennan: I didn't say I don't like children. I just said I don't want any.
Booth: On TV that's the same thing.

Brennan: You arrest someone really small lately? [Booth looks at her.] Car seat in the back.
Booth: Oh, I had Parker for the weekend.
Brennan: I don't know how you do that.
Booth: Install a car seat in an FBI vehicle?
Brennan: Bring a kid into this world knowing what you know. I'll bet Parker was an accident, right? Because his mother wouldn't marry you? [Booth laughs and shakes his head.] What?
Booth: It never occurred to you that that might be a sensitive topic.
Brennan: Well, you could have gone with the "very small felon" story.
Booth: I'm better for Parker being in the world. Someday you will see that.
Brennan: No I won't.
Booth: You'll change your mind.
Brennan: Ah, I don't do that.
Booth: You will.
Brennan: Yeah, maybe after I see how Carl Decker reacts when you tell him his wife is dead and his child has been kidnapped.

Brennan: Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun!

Cullen: [To Brennan and Booth] Well, at least nobody got shot. Probably 'cause she didn't have a gun.

Pickering: When was the last time you saw your husband?
Angela: My husband?
Pickering: Yes.
Angela: [surprised] Oh. [laughs] Oh. [chuckles] Wow, you mean that actually took? Really, it didn't seem legal. We were in Fiji. You know, there was a fire dance. You know how those things can be, right?
Pickering: I really don't, Miss Montenegro.
Angela: Right.

Zach: If I demand a lawyer will it get me out of it too?
Brennan: We all demand a lawyer.

Booth: Now, the ear you found—there's no way it's her own ear, right?
Brennan: How could it be her own ear?
Booth: That's what I'm saying.
Brennan: What?
Booth: It's definitely not her ear.
Brennan: How could she bite off her own ear?

Hodgins: Okay, okay, so you're telling me that my toe-chewing moron cousin was appointed to a secret post in a secret part of the government you can't tell me about, so you compiled a secret dossier on me, but I'm the one who's paranoid.
Pickering: We don't use the word "dossier".
Hodgins: What was the finding? I... I still work here, so...
Pickering: Harmless.
Hodgins: Harmless? I'm harmless?
Pickering: Yes, you do not pose a viable threat.
Hodgins: Well, that's just insulting.
Pickering: If you want me to interview you, I will, but I will only discover what we already know. You are benign.
Hodgins: I am not benign, lady. I'm not harmless. I'm malignant! I'm a loaded cannon…
Pickering: Thank you, Dr. Hodgins. [She walks away.]
Hodgins: I know things that would curdle your blood, including a formula that literally curdles blood!

[Lab area with all the boxes in the wall. Zack is looking at readouts and x-rays on the lighted table. Pickering is standing by the table talking to him.]
Pickering: Could we start, please?
Zack: Anytime. I can do two things at once.
Pickering: [upset] Mr. Addy, I require your full attention.
Zack: No, you don't, but I'll give it to you.
Pickering: What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.
Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology. I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?
Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?
Zack: Very often.
Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?
Zack: I've been told. I'm working on it.
Pickering: Can you understand why that concerns us?
Zack: Not really.

Pickering: Hypothetically, you have a piece of information…
Zack: Secret and meaningful information?
Pickering: Yes, and the security of the country's at stake. Can I bribe you to give it to me?
Zack: No.
Pickering: Threaten you?
Zack: No.
Pickering: What if I made a reasonable rational argument, very persuasive?
Zack: Merely persuasive?
Pickering: Irrefutable. I make an irrefutable argument as to why you should give me this piece of information. Would you do so?
Zack: Not without checking with Dr. Brennan or Angela first, see what they said, maybe Agent Booth if he would talk to me. He probably wouldn't. I'd check with Dr. Hodgins but he'd say it was all part of some conspiracy... so I must only take his advice on women. Four hundred and eighty volts, three hundred and fifty amps.
Pickering: I beg your pardon?
Zack: It's sorta secret information. I probably shouldn't tell you. Any other questions? [Pickering shakes her head.] Good. [Zack runs off.]

Booth: The material witness for a specially convened grand jury and you lost him?
Weeks: The guy's pretty smart, genius level. Do you have any idea what it is like to interact with those types of people?
Booth: Yeah, a little.

Brennan: You just told me not to jump to a conclusion.
Booth: No offense intended.
Brennan: No, you were right! It's just I usually get to tell you.
Booth: Well, our relationship has taken a whole new turn.

Booth: All right, Zack! Zack! [Zack turns around] This guy Decker, he's like you. He's in the whole stratosphere IQ-wise.
Zack: What's his IQ?
Booth: It's 163.
Brennan: Oh, he's not where Zack is.
Zack: If he's in the stratosphere, I'm in the ionosphere.

Booth: Usually, I enjoy your company, Bones. It's times like these that you give me a little something else to worry about.
Brennan: You enjoy my company?

Decker: Look, analytically I understand that many lives outweigh the one, but I cannot trade my son's life.
Weeks: Have you considered that by not testifying your wife will have died in vain?
Cullen: Shut it, Weeks. If you people had protected Mr. Decker and his family properly, we wouldn't even be here.

Booth: You know, you guys are geniuses.
Zack: How do we find that?
Booth: I work for the F.B.I., you idiot.
Hodgins: Way to go, Zack. We went from genius to idiot in 3 seconds.

Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?
Brennan: Only if you tell me first.
Pickering: I beg your pardon?
Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.
Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?
Brennan: You should check with the state department.
Pickering: I'm from the state department.
Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.

Brennan: Why don't we ever take my car?
Booth: Do you have bulletproof vests in the trunk?
Brennan: No.
Booth: That's why.

The Superhero in the Alley [1.12][edit]

Booth: No, you don't have to solve the whole case. Just tell me if I'm looking at a murder. Maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.? [He smiles.]
Brennan: Don't use your charm smile on me.
Booth: What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.

[Booth and Brennan are looking through the room of a teenage murder victim]
Booth: Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.
Brennan: Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.
Booth: Sweet.
Brennan: Sweet?
Booth: Ah, he has Batman number 127 featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.
Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?
Booth: First of all, you mean "geek"—and no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.
Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.
Booth: Oh, you mean isolated with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.

Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves then they intend on their page.
Booth: You know, I've gotta tell you I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.
Brennan: [to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing for example is pure fiction.
Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your world view in your writing then you realize.
Brennan: Such as?
Goodman: Such as, archaeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.
Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.
Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.

Booth: Oh, you know, I figure we ask a few questions about Warren Granger, maybe bowl a few frames... You know, nothing like a little sport to, uh, take the edge off.
Brennan: This is not a sport.
Booth: How do you figure?
Brennan: There's not physical benefit. So it's really like golf. It's not a sport, it's an activity.
Booth: You know, could you please, Bones, maybe just for once try not to piss everyone off around you?

Brennan: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.
Booth: No, Bones. You do fight crime. It's not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.
Brennan: You're just saying that to me.
Booth: No, I don't do that.
Brennan: Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.

Booth: Okay. Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.
Brennan: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.
Booth: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.

The Woman in the Garden [1.13][edit]

Brennan: I read a book about improving work relationships. It's not fair to expect you to tell me everything.
Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.

Booth: Great, now he's ignoring us in two languages.

Hodgins: Typically, grave diggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.

Booth: My problem is that someone shot at me... shot at me and my partner. Plus, a bad guy got away. So I'm a little cranky about the whole thing.

Hodgins: Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?
Brennan: You can't arm Hodgins and not me.
Booth: What is it with you people and guns?

Booth: Let's pretend that I'm the cop for a second.

Brennan: I'm trained in kinesiology, the study of human movement.

Booth: [getting into his face] You put a hit out on my partner?
Ortez: She's not FBI.
Booth: [punches him in the face and grabs him by the throat as he points his gun right at his throat] I never said anything about the FBI. She's my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won't think twice. Come here look in my eyes. [pushes barrel of his gun into his mouth, and cocks it] Look at my face. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, and nobody sees, nobody knows.

The Man in the Fairway [1.14][edit]

Brennan: Plane crashes don't belong to the FBI.
Zack: Why not? FAA stands for Federal Aviation Administration. The NTSB stands for National Transportation Safety Board. That sounds Federal to me, and FBI stands for Federal Bureau…
Brennan: Zack.
Zack: This is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth. I don't like it.
Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.
Zack: Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.

Zack: I apologize if I've offended you. Usually we have an FBI agent that mediates our interpersonal encounters.

Brennan: What are the odds?
Zack: A crashing plane falling directly on a human being? One in... ten million.

[Dr. Goodman's office. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins, and Zack are present.]
Dr. Goodman: The information that I'm about to tell you must not leave this room.
Hodgins: I am philosophically imposed to institutional secrecy in all its forms.
Dr. Goodman: Fine. Get out.
Hodgins: [scoffs] Pfft.
Dr. Goodman: Two communist Chinese trade attachés were on that plane when it crashed, both high ranking party men.
Hodgins: Obviously, we shot it down.

Brennan: Not to mention, three bone fragments which were not on the plane.
Dr. Goodman: Is there any chance those bone fragments were on the plane?
Angela: What, you mean as carry-on luggage?

Brennan: Got it, or you want me to explain it again?
Booth: Yeah, I got it. The plane goes down, kablooey, there's an extra body on board which you really don't care about because you're more interested in these bone fragments that you found on the ground.
Brennan: Exactly.
Booth: This all you got?
Brennan: So far, piece of skull, chunk of vertebra, part of a femur.
Booth: Not much to go on.
Brennan: These fragments come from a person who was hacked.
Booth: Hacked to little bits?
Brennan: No, medium-sized bits, not sure how it turned into little bits yet.
Booth: Okay. And I'm here why?
Brennan: Dismemberment, little bits, it's a murder.
Booth: Well, FBI doesn't have jurisdiction at a golf course.
Brennan: Well, who does?
Booth: I dunno, try the PGA. [smirks] You know, you've done a couple of cases without me, and you miss me.
Brennan: Zack misses you, not me.
Booth: Zack and I don't even talk.
Brennan: He seems to think it's a male bonding ritual.
Booth: Maybe he's right.
Brennan: No, he's not.
Booth: Could be.
Brennan: You told him that so you wouldn't have to talk to him.
Booth: Well, it was nicer then shooting him.
Brennan: Goodman has ordered me to investigate the other extra body.
Booth: Well, then, you better get on that. Next time, you know, you miss me... pick up the phone, call me, we'll do lunch.
Brennan: I do not miss you!
Booth: Yeah, you miss me. C'mon.
Brennan: I do not miss you!
Booth: Say it.
[A security guard walks in.]
Guard: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, you have a visitor. [He leaves.]
Booth: You miss me.
Brennan: No I don't. [She walks out.]
Booth: You miss me. You miss me.

Angela: We've made some progress on the mystery passenger.
Brennan: Fill me in.
Zack: Nasal ridges indicated she was a Caucasoid female approximately five feet 10 inches. Epiphyseal fusion puts her age somewhere between twenty to twenty-five.
Angela: I have a theory.
Hodgins: Femme fatale assassin.
Zack: Unregistered flight attendant.
Angela: Young, beautiful girl, doesn't appear on the in-flight manifest, group of high-powered politicos.
Hodgins: Oh.
Zack: Wait. What? What?
Brennan: Someone on that flight might have been doing his daughter or girlfriend a favor.
Angela: Ugh, you're so sweet, honey. You really are.
Zack: Oh, you think she was the in-flight entertainment.

Brennan: I'm going to ask you guys to help me on this.
Angela: You mean after the Communist thing?
Brennan: No, immediately.
Hodgins: I'm in.
Zach: You want us to defy Dr. Goodman?
Hodgins: I'm in.
Brennan: Not defy per se. Do both jobs, but keep one a secret.
Hodgins: I'm in.
Angela: We get it. You're a rebel.

Brennan: Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.
Zach: No way!
Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."
Brennan: Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.

Brennan: [to Booth] I feel like kicking him.
Booth: [pulling out handcuffs] That's normal after a pursuit. We try not to do that.

Booth: Hey, you know, your people are my people.
Brennan: What? I have people? Hey, I have people.

Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15][edit]


Brennan: Ask them to save the excrement for Hodgins.

Booth: Fine, you know what? You have fun with Dick431 or whatever his handle is.
Brennan: Yeah, I will.
Booth: Good.
Brennan: Thanks.
Booth: Fine.
Brennan: Good.

Hodgins:: I'm doing the fecal flotation right now. [pauses] Wow, don't get to say that a lot.

Angela: Booth is a big, strong, hot guy who wants to save your life. I mean, you actually have a knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor, so cut him some slack.

[Booth is looking at Brennan's music collection.]
Booth:: Tibetan throat singers... rock on, Bones.

Brennan: Uh, how did that get there?
Booth:: C'mon, Bones, everybody loves Foreigner. "Hot Blooded"? Talk about a guilty pleasure. Check it, baby.

Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: You're sure?
Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.

Angela: Let's talk revenge. Bloodlust.
Brennan: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.
Zack: "Neutralize" can mean either kill or arrest...
Brennan: Yes, it can mean either.

Booth:: Maybe if we weren't in a toy car...

Hodgins: This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're in the middle of it.

The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16][edit]

Booth: [to Brennan] You know Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but you don't know Charlize Theron? You know who you are? You're my grandmother.

Booth: Bones, I mean, you do realize that you are discussing motive right now? Psychology, not hard evidence.
Brennan: It won't happen again.

Hodgins: He came down with an accomplice. I apologize. I have been hanging around Booth way too much.
Brennan: It's a valid hypothesis. No doubt one of many.
Zack: They argued, one killed the other for the treasure. Doesn't that mean the vault will be empty when we find it? [Hodgins gives him a look] Oh my god, they got me, too.

Brennan: You're nervous.
Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them.

Brennan: Can I just have a gun at least until they get here? It's not for shooting rats, it's for psychos with climbing axes.

Booth: FBI! Hands in the air!
Brennan: Yeah! Hands in the air!

Booth: Bones, give me your gun. Take the restraints out of my belt and put 'em on Kyle. [Bones puts her gun in Booth's pants pocket]
Booth: That's not cocked, is it? Because where that's pointed ...
Brennan: You're safe.

Brennan: She knew about this treasure. She was going to put it in her documentary. It would have cost you guys a fortune. So one of you killed her. Who's left-handed? [starts walking towards Kyle]
Booth: Bones, you know, it's best to have this sort of explanation after the bad guys are incapacitated.
Brennan: [turns to Booth] Why?
Kyle: [shoves Bones, grabs a candlestick and attacks Duke] You killed her for this?! [Bones knocks Kyle out]
Booth: That's why.
Brennan: Yeah. Well, I'll try to remember that for next time.

Booth: Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.
Goodman: That's very good! Very good. [laughs]
Booth: Right. [laughs]
Brennan: [confused] What? What's the joke?
Booth: Clue?
Brennan: What clue? [Booth and Goodman both laugh] What clue?
Booth: Unbelievable, Bones.
Angela: What's the joke?
Brennan: I have no idea.

The Skull in the Desert [1.17][edit]

Brennan: [calls Booth on his cell phone] How far are you from Dallas?
Booth: As far as your office is from Dulles.
Brennan: Why are you in my office?
Booth: I need your findings on the Richmond case. Listen, Zack won't tell me where they are unless you give him permission.
Brennan: There's a 9:15 flight to Denver, then there's an 11:35 flight to Santa Fe. You have to run to make the connection.
Booth: Forget it.
Brennan: Booth, please. Angela's boyfriend is missing... maybe dead... it took all of my charm...
Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy...
Brennan: Just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.
Booth: Which is true, okay look, what do you want me to do?
Brennan: I want you to get federal on his ass.
Booth: [smiles smugly and proudly] Oh!

Booth: I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop... Hell.

Brennan: Wait outside while I get dressed.
Booth: No, uh-uh. The sun's been up for an hour out there. It's already the surface of Mercury. I can stand here, close my eyes, eat my doughnuts. Best I can do. Okay.

Booth: Okay, no offense to Angela, but she doesn't really know this guy. She's only with him—what? Only three weeks out of the year?
Brennan: Yeah, no offense to you, but you are a stodgy traditionalist when it comes to relationships, buddy.
Booth: Stodgy? Stodgy.
Brennan: Yeah, stodgy.

Booth: He's definitely twitchy about somethin'.
Brennan: What if he's escaping out the back door?
Booth: You don't spend a lot of time in trailers, do you?

Brennan: Obviously, you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case, and processed the most likely scenario.
Booth: I'm sure that's it.
Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?
Angela: It's the only rational explanation.
Brennan: Wait, are you guys making fun of me?
Booth: You know? Let's go back home. You know, where there's water and shelter and living things. Come on.

The Man with the Bone [1.18][edit]

Booth: [walking along a hallway leading to the morgue] Welcome to the dungeon.
Brennan: Why do the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multi-million dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Brennan: It's because, as a society, we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the death are viewed as freaks.

Zack: [as Booth arrives] Dr. Brennan, the destroyer of evidence is here.

Brennan: FBI! You're all under arrest!
Booth: Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that. I'm the one with the badge.

Booth: You dive, too?
Brennan: Yeah. I have the time because I don't own a TV.

Brennan: Where the hell are my bones?

Brennan: [in Dr. Goodman's face] Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility. You assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know? This never would've happened at Stanford!
Goodman: We spend three-quarters of a million annually on security!
Brennan: Obviously that's not enough. [Booth comes in.] I want my bones! Did you find my bones?
Booth: Ooh, maybe you just want to, you know, chill a little?
Brennan: Chill?
Booth: Yeah, you know, take a pill?
Brennan: Listen, dude, my lab was violated, my bones were stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.

Cullen: Okay, let me see if I get this straight. The pirate bones you recovered came from the Jeffersonian to start with.
Brennan: Correct.
Goodman: 300-year-old bones stolen from our own pirate exhibit.
Cullen: And then recovered by own of your own people?
Booth: Dr. Hodgins.
Cullen: Who brought them back to the Jeffersonian, where they were stolen again?
Booth: Re-stolen, sir.
Cullen: You got a security problem, Dr. Goodman.
Goodman: And when I find out who did this, you may have a murder problem.

Security guard: I didn't see the harm.
Brennan: In stealing human remains?
Security guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.
Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.

Booth: [to security guard] Grand theft, buddy. You're looking at eight years.
Goodman: If I don't kill you.

Booth: How much did you get for 'em?
Security guard: A couple of hundred bucks.
Booth: Yeah. So this, uh, wire transfer into your bank for ten grand—was that inheritance?

Booth: [talking about the Jeffersonian's security] You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.

The Man in the Morgue [1.19][edit]


Booth: Bones, you okay?
Brennan: Booth, I told you not to come.
Detective Harding: Who's this?
Brennan: It's… he's F.B.I. We're sort of partners.
Detective Harding: A guy flies down from D.C. You're more than sort of.

Angela: Is that Booth?
Brennan: Yes.
Angela: You're hopping the Streetcar Named Desire with Booth? Oh, I love this.

Booth: Voodoo.. [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?
Brennan: It's a religion no crazier than—well, what are you?
Booth: Catholic.
Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.
Booth: We don't make zombies.
Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days.
Booth: Jesus is not a zombie! I shouldn't even have to tell you that.

Angela: Why haven't you come home?
Brennan: Pretty soonm Ange.
Angela: Is Booth there socially?
Brennan: No, of course not.
Angela: All right, what is going on? [Booth grabs phone from Brennan]
Booth: Okay, Bones has amnesia because a... voodoo murderer put a spell on her to keep her from solving the murder of John Doe 361.

Booth: We just stopped by to ask why.
Detective Harding: Why?
Brennan: That's what we came here to ask.
Detective Harding: You wanna look behind me and remind yourself why I'm a little low on sense of humor?
Booth: [to Harding] She's not wisecracking, she just tends to be a bit literal.

Booth: Voodoo. It's probably voodoo.
Angela: Voodoo?
Brennan: Okay, quit saying voodoo.

Brennan: It could have been me.
Booth: No, it couldn't.
Brennan: Yes. What? How do you know?
Booth: I just know, okay? I'd bet my professional career on it. [under his breath] I already did.
Brennan: What?
Booth: Nothing.
Brennan: What did you do?
Booth: Bones, stop! This is the last time and place that you wanna be rational, okay? Let's just be wildly emotional and assume that you didn't psychotically murder a co-worker who invited you over for dinner!

Caroline: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?

Caroline: Fine. Stop me when I get something wrong. Trained in three types of martial arts, two assault charges, registered marksman with the NRA, hunting licenses in four states…
Booth: You hunt?
Brennan: Only for food.
Caroline: Shot an unarmed man.
Dr. Brennan: He was trying to set me on fire.
Booth: All right, just… just arrange bail for us, Caroline, so we can get out of here.
Caroline: Sure, sure. Don't want to get this one mad at me.

Brennan: Why are you nice to me?
Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Brennan: What?
Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury them in the desert. They throw ‘em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by, they relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.
Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Brennan: I really should.

[In a telephone conversation]
Angela: Or, better still, you could forget the whole thing and come home.
Brennan: Don't worry, I made bail.
Zack: Bail?
Angela: Bail? For what?
Brennan: I told you, don't worry. The murder charge won't stick.
Hodgins: Whoa, whoa. Murder charge?
Angela: Brennan, the next plane, OK? The next plane, or I'm coming down there to get you myself.
Brennan: Everything's fine. I'm healing up satisfactorily. Bye for now. [Holds up.]

[Murderer starts chanting voodoo spells, Brennan steps forward and pokes him in the eye.]
Brennan: I find very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.

Brennan: Booth, objects have no intrinsic power. A person's future does not depend on some thing. Things are just things. They do not have magical meaning or powers. [Booth shows her the missing earring he found] Where'd you get that?
Booth: What does it matter? It's just a thing. Right?
Brennan: My mother's earring.
Booth: No, uh… magical power over your future. [Booth walks out]
Angela: Does that prove something?
Brennan: [looking at earring] Yeah. It proves something.

The Graft in the Girl [1.20][edit]

Booth: Okay, listen. About a month ago, his daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with cancer. Mileso...
Brennan: Mesothemlioma. Lung cancer.
Booth: Exactly. So she is not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now.
Brennan: Huh.
Booth: Huh what?
Brennan: Nothing. It's just that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer. Odd for someone Amy's age to contract—
Booth: [Cutting her off] No. No no no. No probing, 'kay? Not to Cullen, not to his family. This will take five minutes. We go in there, we do the show and tell, we leave him with the case, and then we're outta there. Is that clear?
Brennan: I just think it's peculiar—
Booth: No.
Brennan: But I—
Booth: No!
Brennan: You have to admit—
Cullen: Booth!

Booth: How do you listen to this all day?
Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.

Booth: Oh, come on, Bones. She hated the guy. My guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville.

Booth: So, is it him?
Brennan: It's him. But here's the kickster...
Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.
Brennan: Oh.

The Soldier in the Grave [1.21][edit]

Goodman: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.
Hodgins: Which is odd, because it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.
Goodman: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?
Hodgins: Sure. I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.

Brennan: (imitating) "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
Booth: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible. That was, like, Jerry Lewis.
Brennan: Was not.

Brennan: Now you're a mind reader?
Booth: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?
Brennan: You do and you could lose a tooth.

Angela: Yeah. Men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.
Brennan: Yeah. I guess I forgot.

Hodgins: I'm guessing mad. Fair enough. Can I at least give you come material to read?
Angela: You could try, but you'd walk funny for a week.

Hodgins: I hate to say conspiracy, but, my peeps, we've got a conspiracy.

The Woman in Limbo [1.22][edit]

Booth: How 'bout this for an amusing, rhyming linguini. See ya later, alligator.

Booth: Any of you see Bones? Okay, we're due in court, like—hello—now... What?
Angela: This [activates hologram showing an image] totally freaked her out.
[Booth starts dialing on his cell phone.]
Zack: My theory? Caffeine intolerance.
Booth: [speaking into his phone] Yeah. You're gonna want to take Dr. Brennan off the witness list today... No. She can't make it into court. Thanks.
Angela: All right. What's going on?
Booth: That... is Christine Brennan.
Goodman: Good God.
Booth: You just found Bones's mother.

Russ Brennan: I call... every year... on your birthday. You never pick up.
Brennan: Take a hint.

Brennan: The NCIC database? That's... That's criminals. My parents were on a list of federal offenders?
Russ Brennan: How do you like that? Guess a criminal nature runs in the family.
Brennan: [holding up a picture of her brother] You were seven years old, Russ. Old enough to remember. What... What is your real name? What is my real name?
Booth: Bones, it's right here in the file.
Brennan: [turning to Booth] No! NO! I want him to tell me! [exhales and faces Russ]
Brennan: What is my real name, Russ?
Russ Brennan: [long pause] My name was Kyle. Your name was Joy.
Brennan: You are not my brother! [slaps Russ]
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: No! He lied about that! What else are you lying about? What else are you not telling us? [angrily walks off]

Brennan: I worshipped him. You know? Oooh. God. He was so cool. Everyone knew I was Russ Brennan's little sister. I wasn't cool or pretty, so being his sister... You know that game, Marco Polo? I'd be sitting in class, and I'd hear out the window "Marco!" It'd be Russ, checking in on me and letting everyone know that I was his little sister.
Angela: Did you "Polo?"
Brennan: Yeah. Sometimes it'd be the only word I said all day. "Polo." And then Mom and Dad disappeared and Russ took off. Suddenly, no one cared where I was. I miss that. Someone caring where I am all the time.
Booth: Bones! Bones! You up there? Come on. Let's go. Chop chop.

Angela: Hate is easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.

Booth: Hey, you know what? I'm gonna play hardball with Witness Protection. If they don't cooperate, I'm gonna put his face in the paper.
Brennan: Wouldn't you get in trouble for that?
Booth: Well, we'll find out.
Angela: You know what? Sometimes, he is just... Whew.

Brennan: My name is Brennan. I'm Doctor... I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan. I work at the Jeffersonian Institution. I'm a forensic anthropologist. I specialize in identif... in identifying... in identifying people when nobody knows who they are. My father was a science teacher. My mother was a bookkeeper. My brother... I have a brother. I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Booth: I know who you are. Hey, I know. It's okay.

Russ Brennan: Tempe, that theory explains why Mom never came back for you during those one-and-a-half years before she died!
Brennan: What's your excuse, Russ?
Russ Brennan: You're the one that left me! You needed someone to blame and you chose me.
Brennan: I was fifteen years old!
Russ Brennan: I was 19. My parents were gone. My sister hated my guts. Everyone told me that she'd be better off in foster care.
Brennan: You didn't even ask me!
Russ Brennan: I tried, Temperance. You wouldn't talk to me. You still wouldn't talk to me if Mom's bones didn't show up. And I kept trying. Every year. Every year on your birthday. You're the one that gave up. You turned your back on me and you made yourself a new family. [walks away]

[Vince McVicar is in custody, and wants to talk to Bones.]
Booth: You got two ways to look at this. One is, you score a private chat. The second one is, you attack her, and I'll drill you through the forehead.
McVicar: How can I possibly attack her?
Booth: I'll decide what is and isn't an attack. Like, say, a hiccup.

Brennan: Sometimes people need to explain things to me, I guess.
Russ Brennan: You have to let them talk.

Russ: Marco.
Brennan: Polo.

Booth: [toasting] To us.
Russ Brennan: Whoever the hell we are.
Brennan: To what we're becoming.

Season 2[edit]

The Titan on the Tracks [2.1][edit]

Booth: What did you do?
Brennan: I read, walked on the beach, chilled...
Booth: You chilled? At Darfur? You chilled at Darfur?

Brennan: What's with the siren, why are you driving like a maniac?

Cam: Why are you still here, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: Because I'm not a coroner and I don't work for you.
Cam: Half right.

Angela: Cam and Booth. Look how she touches his arm when he laughs.
Hodgins: You touch my arm when I laugh.
Angela: No, no. You touch me. It's a big difference.

Zack: You're saying "dude" too much.

Cam: Hey, Hodge-Podge, all engines reverse. First we identify beyond a shadow of a doubt, then we get paranoid.
Hodgins: Cool. As long as paranoia's on the schedule somewhere.

Hodgins: [to Brennan, trying to cheer her up about her not being named Goodman's replacement] You're not a flesh-pressing, ink-stained, policy-making wank-tard.

Cam: [Hodgins knows Cam overheard the "wank-tard" comment, and starts babbling] You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.
Hodgins: [chastened] It's a... made-up word. No meaning.

Brennan: Warren Lynch suffered declining bone mass due to long-term abuse of his hypothalamic pituitary gonadal axis.
Booth: Nothing says "junkie" like your gonad's axis, Ricky.

Brennan: Zack and Hodgins are proving there was extra accelerant in Lynch's vehicle.
Cam: Using what medium?
Brennan: Artificial bone covered with SPAM.

Cam: [after making them stop the experiment with SPAM] If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from New York, which means that I will take New York action. Am I clear?
Brennan: Not at all.
Zack: I'm from Michigan.

Booth: Oh, really, and the time you dropped a dead monkey down the elevator shaft...
Brennan: No, that was to show... Okay, I take your point.

Brennan: Don't you have to read him his rights before you strangle him?

Booth: Yeah, Bones doesn't intimidate.
Cam: Then... what?
Booth: Have you seen the way she stares at human remains before she makes a decision?
Cam: Yes.
Booth: You're human remains, and she hasn't made a decision yet.

Brennan: Do that lying thing...
Booth: Could you be more specific?

Brennan: Come on, Booth. The part of you with the big gambling problem must love this idea.
Booth: Right there. Mm-hm. That's the reason you didn't get Cam's job.

Prosecutor: [after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash] It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Brennan: What?
Prosecutor: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Cam: What did you want us to do?
Prosecutor: Your jobs.
Booth: Hey!
Cam: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Prosecutor: Forensically...
Cam: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Prosecutor: Arrest is not a conviction.
Cam: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a senator.
Prosecutor: Indictment is not a conviction.
Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Brennan: Indict him give us time to get you what you need.
Cam: If you accept this plea bargain you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Prosecutor: Dr. Saroyan!
Cam: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Brennan, Hodgins, Angela: [together] Not Zack.
Cam: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided and if you any ability as a Prosecutor you'll win the case.
Prosecutor: Are you finished?
Cam: No, Ms. Supeck. In the future, when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me in private. Not by grandstanding in a public forum.

The Mother and Child in the Bay [2.2][edit]

Booth: It's amazing, Bones, you can really be snotty sometimes.

Brennan: Does she think I'm new at this?

Booth: You have kids and we'll talk.
Brennan: That's a lot to ask for a little conversation.

Cam: What do you want?
Angela: George Clooney naked on a white sand beach.

Booth: Monkeys are Daddy's favorite! They're just like people!
Brennan: Actually, three million base pairs of the genome differ in protein encoding and other functional areas.
Booth: What?
Brennan: The differences between chimps and humans.
Booth: I'm talking to a four-year-old, Bones.

Hodgins: It's beautiful here.
Booth: Yeah, you know, that's important for a murder.

Booth: You want me to what?
Brennan: Stab the body for me. We need to match force with the injuries recorded on the remains.
Booth: Okay, I'm stabbing the body.
Brennan: It's a replica. We're all going to do it, you're just the closest to Kyle Richardson.
Booth: Okay, you know what? That's great, I'll be there in twenty. But in the future, you just got to ask me differently, Bones, because you know what? Come over to your place to stab a body? That is just freaky.

Brennan: The knife is consistent with the one that caused the wounds. We've fitted it with an instrumented blade that will give us a digital readout of the Newton meters of each stab.
Zach: It's a dual-mass drop system.
Cam: All I hear is blah, blah, blah.
Hodgins: Cliff notes version: We all stab. One of us is the killer.
Booth: Thank you!
Angela: Sort of like a real creepy party game.

Cam: The last place I worked we had a drunk sketch artist.

Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.

The Boy in the Shroud [2.3][edit]


Hodgins: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Zack: Romeo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene Two, the quote concerned most aptly describes the central conflict of the play. Which I totally do not understand.

Brennan: I hurt you a little bit, but that's only because you ran.

Hodgins: Tension, party of 2.

Angela: Dr. Saroyan, I don't want to be overly dramatic or anything, but if you lose Brennan, you lose us all.
Cam: Really?
Angela: Really, and Booth too.

Zack: I'm not used to bodies looking so much like actual human beings.

Cam: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit...
Booth: What?
Cam: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian...
Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Cam: And you?
Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Cam: No, you don't, Seeley.
Booth: Okay, here we go. What's going on, Camille?
Cam: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

Cam: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud, and compost, you're the man.

Hodgins: I found the murder weapon!
Angela: [clearly impressed] Oh, you are good.
Hodgins: You have no idea.
Zach: Are you having a moment?

Cam: Not everyone's brain works as fast as yours. I have to mull sometimes. Are... are you familiar with that concept?
Brennan: Yes. I just always thought that it was a waste of time.

The Blonde in the Game [2.4][edit]

Brennan: I always wanted a pig.

Brennan: In some cultures, dogs can guard corpses, sometimes to the point of starvation. So... shoot it.

Hodgins: My uncle Preston wants to be buried standing up without a casket.

Hodgins: Hey Angela! You look great today.
Angela: Thanks Hodgie! This is my bo-ho rocker, artist, mid-week, take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look.
Brennan: Hodgie?

Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?
Brennan: [looking at him like answer is obvious] Jasper.

Caroline: Oh, Agent Booth. Howard's told me you both saved his life last year.
Booth: It was our pleasure.
Brennan: [looks at Booth in confusion] What? I was disappointed.
Caroline: [to Brennan] Extending Howard's life has given him time to come to grips with what he's done—to ask God for forgiveness.
Booth: Then we did the right thing by having his execution stayed.
Brennan: [staring at Caroline Epps] Are you on some kind of medication?
Booth: [rolls his eyes] Bones.
Caroline: Dr. Brennan, I'm not one of those crazy women who falls in love with death row killers.
Brennan: Obviously that's exactly what you are.
Booth: [butts in, handing Caroline a business card] Listen, if the prison ever gives you a hard time in coming to see your husband, just give me a call. I might be able to help. [He pats her arm in over-exuberant reassurance.]
Caroline: Thank you, Agent Booth.
Brennan: Are you serious? She's crazy.

Hodgins: [ranting] These crossed hammers prove that Epps is working for the top level of the Illuminati.
Zack: That's the cartographic symbol for a mine.

Brennan: Where's the siren on this thing?

Brennan: What is with Caroline Epps? I mean, why have a child with a monster like him? What is she gonna tell the child when it grows up? "Hi, your daddy's a monster."

Zack: Perhaps the point isn't that German is a different language, but that it's actually a different language.

Hodgins: I can't just guess, I have a process!

Brennan: How can I take care of a pig? I can't even take care of plants.

The Truth in the Lye [2.5][edit]

Brennan: And if you're not helpless, then why did you sleep with her?
Booth: Oh, I really don't recall saying that I did!
Brennan: Well, you didn't have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.
Booth: Oh, you didn't, and we weren't.
Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.
Booth: Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.
Brennan: Sure. Anytime.

Angela: I'll take a front-row seat for that. Sorry, did I say that out loud?

Angela: Maybe he dissolved himself so there'd be more of him to go around. I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Zack: I'm going on police business.
Hodgins: So proud. (to Cam) Wait, does he mean out? In the world?
Cam: We'll pin our number on his shirt.

Angela: What you thought were teethmarks, Doctor Saroyan... turned out to be Chinese characters engraved along the side.
Hodgins: What do they say?
Angela: They say, "What make foolish man think I speak Chinese?"
Hodgins: I thought you were half Chinese!
Angela: And I think you're half Swedish. Let's hear some Swedish!

The Girl in Suite 2103 [2.6][edit]

Brennan: [to Booth] You seem uncomfortable. Does his size make you self-conscious? [pointing to Radswell]
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: It's a condition—skeletal dysplasia. Pseudoachondroplasia or S.E.D. congenita?
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What?
Radswell: Dr. Brennan, I can see that you're a straightforward person and as much as I appreciate that quality, what you're asking me is neither your business nor relevant.
Brennan: But it's my business because I'm a forensic anthropologist. But, you're right, it's not relevant.

Brennan: You're used to people deferring to you because of your size. It's a normal response that you take advantage of. I don't like it.
Booth: Here we go.
Brennan: Well, see? [to Booth] Even you don't want to say anything to hurt his tiny feelings. [to Radswell] I don't mean that your feelings are tiny, I mean that you have feelings about being tiny.
Radswell: The ramifications and repercussions of impeded access will compromise accommodative responses detrimental to your unabated participation in our shared endeavors. [confused look on Brennan's face]
Booth: That's State Department speak. We don't do it his way, we'll get fired.
Brennan: See? If a regular-sized person tried to intimidate you, you'd threaten to kick him through the window. But because in his case it's an actual physical possibility—

Hodgins: [looking at Angela intently] Oh, I could kiss you.
Angela: That would require permission, which I deny.

Brennan: [to Booth] Can I talk to him?
Radswell: Hello? Dr. Brennan? I'm just small, not invisible.

Booth: Come on, Alex. Baby steps. [pause at Radswell's reaction] No offense.
Brennan: [chuckles] I just got that. It's baby steps, because you're so small. [chuckles] It's probably offensive.
Radswell: Sorry, I can't help you. [He leaves.]
Brennan: Sorry.

Cam: It's a bluff. Cops do it all the time.
Booth: So you think if we frame Antonio, Judge Ramos will confess to save her own son.
Cam: What mother wouldn't?
Booth: Bones?
Brennan: No. No!
Cam: It's no different than lying to a criminal to get a confession.
Booth: Or having Hodgins call the FAA with a fake terrorism tip.
Cam: He did what?
Booth: Oh, what, now suddenly there's a line?

Booth: We cheat diplomatic immunity here in DC, we catch a murderer. That's great. They do it in Upper Kamikazestan and our boys end up on a red-hot spit over a slow fire.
Brennan: There's no such place as Kamikazestan.

Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Booth: You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It's a dream come true.

The Girl with the Curl [2.7][edit]

Hodgins: What is she, a midget stripper?

Angela: Childhood should be all about swings.
Hodgins: Swings?
Angela: You know—"How high can I go?" "If I twist the chains, how fast will I spin?"
Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.
Angela: Exactly.
Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela: Yeah, me too.
Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times.
Zack: I miss my first microscope.
Booth: Yeah, and I miss normal people. Can we move on?

Hodgins: Listen, Angela, we've been dancing around this for months now, like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field.
Angela: Is that good?
Hodgins: Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart. Which is why I thought they should go on a date.

Angela: Hodgins asked me out.
Brennan: Is that why you're hiding in here?
Angela: I'm not hiding. I need advice.
Brennan: What, on a personal matter?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: From me?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: But romance is sort of—This is like me asking you advice on phylogenetic systematics.
Angela: Phylogenetic systematics. I have no idea what that is.
Brennan: [smiles] Exactly.

Brennan: I learned about cankles.

Brennan: I'm—I'm not a molester. I'm a forensic anthropologist.
Booth: Okay. FBI business. Everybody just simmer down.
Pageant contestant #2: [adamantly, to Booth] She touched me on my rear!
Brennan: [to the little girl] No, "back" and "rear" have totally different connotations. [to Booth and the rest of the people surrounding her] Point of clarification. I touched her back.

Zack: She has very nice, symmetrical buttocks.

Brennan: This is what happened when Rome fell...
Booth: What? People ate stale donuts?
Brennan: Objectification of women... Beauty as self-esteem...
Booth: You know, I think, you know, some of those kids actually had a good time.
Brennan: That girl in pink could really dance, but then again Nero could really play the fiddle.
Booth: You know, Bones, I like to think that, um, some place deep inside, people really know what's important.
Brennan: It's hard to believe when you see women trying to disguise or change themselves. I never understood that.
Booth: Well, I mean, of course you wouldn't.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, it's just, you know, someone who looks like you wouldn't... just because of the way you look.
Brennan: I don't understand. What way do I look?
Booth: [Somewhat shyly] Well, you know, you're structured... very well.
Brennan: [Smiles] As are you.

Booth: I'll tell you what. How about I, ah, order some takeout and I ditch these doughnuts?
Brennan: Sure.
Booth and Brennan: [simultaneously] Thai food?
Booth: This time, I'm ordering extra mee krob, because you ate it last time. All of it.
Brennan: [laughs] What? I thought you were done.
Booth: Oh, right. [laughing, incredulous] I was done?
Brennan: [nods emphatically] Yeah.
Booth: You finished all of it.
Brennan: I did not. [grinning adamantly] You were pretty focused on the fried rice.
Booth: Can we just order? Okay?
Brennan: Fine.

The Woman in the Sand [2.8][edit]

Brennan: Oh my god! I completely forgot you can't be here, Booth, you're a degenerate gambler.
Booth: Former gambler, okay? Not degenerate. I've been through the program, okay? And you know he's on the move!
Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?

Brennan: Hey, what do you think?
Booth: I have enough Bibles, thank you, but try next door.
Brennan: You said I could be a schoolteacher.
Booth: Not the spinster kind who lives with his sister but ya know - the hot one who makes the boys crazy.

Booth: That's hot.
Angela: Hot? Wait a minute, what's hot?
Brennan: Ah, nothing. Vegas. Vegas... is hot. It's... very hot here.

Brennan: How does anybody actually walk in these things?
Booth: Well, you know. Them boots? They ain't made for walking, sweetheart. [slaps Brennan's butt]
Brennan: Okay, that was completely over the top.

Brennan: Oh, yeah! My man's in great shape. Believe me.
Booth: Easy there, honey.

Hodgins: You've never fought? Never thrown a punch?
Zach: Never saw the logic of it.
Hodgins: It's not about logic, it's, it's emotional, it's anger!
Zach: I don't get angry, it's not rational.
Hodgins: What if you're sitting on the beach and someone kicks sand in your face?
Zach: I don't go to the beach.
Hodgins: Work with me, Zach. There must be something that would piss you off. What if I called you a scrawny twit who can't hold a normal conversation with a 10-year-old?
Zach: I don't have much in common with a 10-year-old, and although I don't know what a twit is, objectively, I am thin and do lack muscular definition.
Hodgins: Dude, you're a Vulcan, and a dull Vulcan at that.
Zach: Can we please work?
Hodgins: Now you're pissing me off! You're a freak, man. Anger is a part of being human. Grow a set!
Zach: I would really like to work, Hodgins.
Hodgins: You know, it is not enough to be some robotic second-rate grad student.
Zach: I am the most valuable and accomplished grad student who's ever been installed at the Jeffersonian.
Hodgins: And you're gonna be a grad student the rest of your life because you have no fire.
Zach: I am working on my dissertation.
Hodgins: Oh, please, you've been saying that for years. You're a poser. You don't have your doctorate because you have no drive, no passion for what you love.
[Zach punches Jack in his face]
Hodgins: [smiles] Dude!
Zach: It's not what you think.
Hodgins: You got pissed!
Zach: No, striking you merely seemed to be the most practical way to get you to be quiet and focus on work—but I didn't realize how much it would hurt.
Hodgins: Nice punch, though.
Zach: Thank you. And my dissertation will be finished by the end of the month.

Booth: So what was the second reason?
Brennan: What?
Boooth: You never told me the second reason why you bet on me.
Brennan: Well, it's silly.
Boooth: No, try me.
Brennan: Beginners' luck. I haven't lost anything since I've been here. And I... I figured if I bet on you...
Booth: I couldn't lose.
Brennan: Sounds silly, right?
Booth: Sounds familiar. Thanks.
Brennan: You're welcome.

Aliens in a Spaceship [2.9][edit]

Vega: You know what, dislike me as much as you want, but I'm still gonna help you, because I want this bastard caught. [Vega and Janine get up and leave.]
Brennan: You were kind of mean to them.
Booth: Yeah. Thanks.

Hodgins: Aluminum.
Brennan: Aluminum?
Hodgins: The Brits say "al-yu-mini-um", but it sounds, well, British.

Brennan: Has it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Grave Digger?
Booth: [absently] What? [realizing what she's said] What?!
Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question Him or negotiate, then it's almost as though He doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as He says, make some sacrifices and are delivered, or you don't and you end up in Hell.
Booth: You know, I'd really appreciate if you didn't say things like that, 'cause I really don't want to get struck by lightning. [He crosses himself.]
Brennan: Do you go to church every Sunday?
Booth: Yes, I do.
Brennan: Can I come with you?
Booth: No, you can't.
Brennan: Why? Might help me understand!
Booth: I am not gonna help you disrespect God in His own house, okay? If you wanna do some kind of anthropological study, you know, turn on the Religious Channel.

Booth: It was a mistake. The Grave Digger is not God, Bones, because God doesn't make mistakes.
Angela: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a great idea. [Booth nods.]

Hodgins: If you haven't figured out the stun gun, then I am this week's King of the Lab, 'cause I found something huge.
Angela: You compete to be King of the Lab?
[Hodgins notices her for the first time and becomes embarrassed.]
Hodgins: [scoffs] No.

Cam: We'll go to a musical.
Booth: Talking and singing and talking and dancing and more singing? You know, if you want to stop what we're doing, just say so.
Cam: You can fantasize about pulling out your gun and shooting everyone on stage. You know you like that.

Zach: Hodgins is rich.
Cam: He is?
Zach: Rich to the power of ten times four, is how he describes it.
Angela: You're going to pay the ransom, right?
Booth: Yes. FBI standard ops., they won't work. Grave Digger operates outside statistics.
Cam: They'll fire you.
Booth: Eh, that's cool. One less reason to wear a suit.

Booth: Zack, I need you to be Dr. Brennan.
Zack: I don't know what that means.

Brennan: We have water, towels, my mini kit, ibuprofen, two cell phones with no batteries, a digital camera with a backup battery, and, uh... a handful of pens.
Hodgins: That one's a laser pointer.
Brennan: [smiles as she holds up a book] And a copy of my novel.
Hodgins: Hey, we can read to each other if we get bored.

Hodgins: I'm nuts about Angela. Over the moon. Stupid in love with her. That's why I bought her that—that crazy, expensive perfume. Man give you a bottle of perfume like that, it says—it says "I love you." There. I said it out loud.

Brennan: [to Hodgins, after performing makeshift surgery] Thank God I didn't kill you!

Brennan: Angela's perfume.
Hodgins: Three. Grand. That cost.
Brennan: Hodgins, I will split the cost when we get out of here.
Hodgins: There's something you don't know about me. I'm rich.
Brennan: Me too.
Hodgins: No. No. You're—well off. My family owns The Cantilever Group and there's not many of us left alive. One, to be exact. Me.
Brennan: Okay. I won't split it with you.

Hodgins: This thing you found in my leg is anodized plastic film and coated metallic tape with dried-out adhesive. I think it's a bumper sticker.
Brennan: You mean, like "If you can read this, you're too close?"
Hodgins: No. Like a prepaid toll road pass. Someone ran me down with a car!
Brennan: We knew that already.
Hodgins: Yeah, but now we've proved it and I find I'm really annoyed!

Brennan: Booth will find us.
Hodgins: You have a lot of faith in Booth.
Brennan: No. Faith is an irrational belief in something that is logically impossible. Over time, I've seen what Booth can do. It's not faith.
Hodgins: No offense—and I'm not just saying this because you filleted me with a knife—we are out of air. We don't know if our message got out, much less if anyone understood it, and we are buried underground. What you have is faith, baby. Sorry, the "baby" thing is a reflex.

Hodgins: And if we're buried more than four feet deep?
Brennan: Then the concussion will turn our brains to jelly.
Hodgins: [smiling good-naturedly] Well, then we can run for Congress, so it's a win-win.

Brennan: Ready?
Hodgins: Yeah. Dr. Brennan. It's been a privilege.

Angela: I came to visit you at the hospital. I brought you this. [holds up a toy teddy bear]
Jack: They... they let me go home.
Angela: No, they didn't. You left without being discharged. You stole crutches, which I had to pay for.
Jack: They packed me... pumped me full of antibiotics. Dished me up and gave me painkillers. So... so, I'm... I'm good to go.
Angela: Could you please look at me? You were buried alive. You were operated on without an anesthetic. You were pumped full of drugs. You really should be lying down.
Jack: He's out there, Angela. He buries people alive. I have to catch him. If I can figure out the exact alloy of aluminum, then maybe I could... maybe we could... plus the bit of bumper sticker that Brennan found in my leg...
Angela: We're gonna catch him. Okay? I promise you. We're gonna start tomorrow. All of us together.
Jack: I can't sleep, Angela.
Angela: I thought they gave you something for that.
Jack: No, I mean, I'm afraid that... if I close my eyes... when I open them... I'm gonna be back in that car... buried... running out of air...
Angela: Okay. Then you should come home with me.
Jack: What?
Angela: When you open your eyes, I'll be there.
Jack: Yeah?
Angela: Yeah.
[pause]
Jack: You know, I'm good for that crutch money.

[Sitting together in a church pew]
Brennan: If I were going to pray, I would have done it just before we set off the explosion.
Booth: And you didn't?
Brennan: No. See, if there was a God, which there isn't—
Booth: Shhh! Do you see where we are?!

Brennan: I'm okay with you thanking God for saving me and Hodgins.
Booth: That's not what I thanked Him for. I thanked Him for saving... all of us. It was all of us. Every. Single. One. You take one of us away, and you and Hodgins are in that hole forever. And I'm thankful for that.
Brennan: [looking at him] I knew you wouldn't give up.
Booth: [looking at her] I knew you wouldn't give up.

The Headless Witch in the Woods [2.10][edit]

Booth: Okay, cause of death?
Brennan: Well, since I can't find a skull, I'd say his head got cut off.

Hodgins: Anyone else feeling tingly, or is it just me?

Zach: My palms perspired profusely during that film.

Brennan: You're very touchy lately, Booth.
Booth: Look, Bones, I don't know why I didn't tell you about Cam.
Brennan: Did I mention Cam?
Booth: I just didn't want it to get weird, I guess.
Brennan: Weird?
Booth: We're partners, you know, together all the time, all right? You're a woman, and I'm a man. I never had a relationship like this, where we were like two guys, except you're not, you know, a guy.
Brennan: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about wanting to hang out with Will?
Booth: No, of course not. 'Cause... essentially, you're a guy, like me, but not really.
Brennan: That would mean that to me, you are essentially a woman. [Booth looks at her.] Yeah, I can see that.
Booth: No, no, no, no, I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind.
Brennan: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth.

Brennan: I can read bones, not people.
Booth: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me.

Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.
Booth: You know what? Bones, you're not alone. Okay? Come here.
Brennan: Booth...
Booth: Hey, you're my partner. It's a guy-hug. Take it.

Judas on a Pole [2.11][edit]

(Zack is just defending his thesis in front of Brennan and other board members when Booth walks in.)
Booth: Hey, Bones, come on. We've got a body. Went up like a Roman candle... hey, Zack! How's it going?
Zack: So far, they don't like me.
Booth: Shocker.

Brennan: [to Booth, after he pulls her off to a case] Why do I always feel like you're abducting me? (playfully slaps him)

Booth: [after Hodgins has informed him of the letter about Marvin Beckett] Okay, who else knows about this?
Hodgins: Us and you, that's it.
Booth: Let's keep it that way.
Hodgins: I've seen this movie, I get killed on the way home.
Booth: Then don't go home.
Hodgins: [laughs, then stops abruptly] You serious?

Brennan: What? I wouldn't let anyone else call you a loser, Russ. What makes you think you're allowed?
Russ: I love you too.

Brennan: Are you worried about your doctorate?
Zack: No. I read a book on body language. Apparently, in our culture, when an older male lays an open hand on a younger male, it conveys approval. But if he bumps younger male with a closed fist, it conveys doubt. Dr. Grayson went like this...
(Pats Brennan's shoulder with open hand 3 times)
Zack: Not like this...
(Hits Brennan's shoulder with a fist 3 times)
Zack: Like this...
(Pats Brennan's shoulder with open hand 3 times)
Zack: Not like this...
(Hits Brennan's shoulder with a fist 3 times. Brennan looking annoyed)
Brennan: Dr. Grayson is elderly and arthritic. Perhaps he simply needed help getting to his feet like this...
(Pushes down on Zack's shoulder 3 times)

Zack: I need a makeover.

Brennan: Yeah, you're right. Thanks. I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
Booth: Hey, I get scared and I'll hug you. We'll call it even.

Brennan: You know, I'm just... I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family. That's—
Booth: [places his finger underneath her chin, lifting her head up] Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family.

The Man in the Cell [2.12][edit]

Angela: [about the newspaper article, to Hodgins] Did you really call me "the heart of the operation"?
Hodgins: Yeah, that's before you called me short.
Angela: Hey, Zack called you short. I think you're just the right height.
Hodgins: Yeah?
Angela: [nods] Short men have better leverage.
Zack: I'm feeling uncomfortable...

[Angela and Brennan in her office talking about Epps]
Angela: How do you deal with the fear?
Brennan: I have this. [takes out huge gun from her purse]
Angela: Oh my God! That thing is huge. Whoa, wow, that's like movie huge.
[Booth enters the office.]
Booth: Where the hell did you get that?
Brennan: The mall.
Booth: [incredulously] The mall?
Brennan: Yeah. It's pretty big, right? Bigger than the one you have. [Angela chuckles.]
Booth: Excuse me, it's not the size that matters. It's how you use it.
Brennan: Well, I think size is pretty important.
Booth: The point is that you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela: If you do have one, bigger is always better.
Booth: You're not helping.
Angela: Right. Yeah. This does seem like a private conversation.

Booth: You know, people see you with that, the next thing you know everyone in this place is gonna start packing.
Brennan: This is America. Get used to it.

Booth: [whispering] What's that smell?
Brennan: It's mold. It grows in the fat creases of morbidly obese people.
Mrs. Epps: What is this about? Did you bring me here to make fun of me?
Brennan: I merely stated a fact, Mrs. Epps. You need to lose weight. Obesity also causes diabetes, heart damage, liver failure. Not to mention the wear it puts on your joints.
Mrs. Epps: I have a glandular condition. A little compassion and understanding, that's what I really need.

Brennan: Considering the relationship between you and Cam, I'd like to say the right thing, Booth... I don't know what it is. Usually I'd—I'd ask you or Angela.
Booth: You just said it. Thanks.

Hodgins: I can't find any traces of powder on Cam's clothing.
Zack: Did you search electrostatically?
Hodgins: Yes, are you sure it was a powder?
Zack: [insistently] Yes.
Hodgins: It had to be a gas.
Zack: If it were a gas I'd be in the hospital with Cam.
Hodgins: No particles on her clothing. [impatiently] Zack, it had to be a gas.
Zack: It wasn't... are we having an argument?
Hodgins: Of course.
Zack: Why?
Hodgins: Because Cam's dying, and I should be with Angela, and because there are no particles.
Zack: ...on the clothing.
Hodgins: That's right.
Zack: What about the glass parts still left in the head?
Hodgins: [His face suddenly lights up.] I'm not angry with you anymore!

Booth: [to Hodgins and Zack] I am walking out of here. You try and stop me again, I'll shoot both of you! [Booth walks out as Zack begins his search.]
Zack: [nervously] Uuughh...
Hodgins: What?
Zack: I really need him to come back.
Hodgins: [yells] Booth! [to Zack] Whatever you got, better be worth dying for.

Zack: My doctor said most of my injuries didn't come from the explosion but from being slammed into the floor. [to Booth] Apparently, you're extremely strong.
Brennan: [to Booth] Did you have to be so rough on him?
Booth: It was a bomb. I was being, you know, heroic.

The Girl in the Gator [2.13][edit]

Booth: I can't hear a thing!
Ice cream man: The kids love the music!
Brennan: Well, I don't see any kids.
Ice cream man: The music attracts them!

Booth: Look, I can't hear anything because of this insane music! [fires three shots into Ice Cream Clown]
Ice cream man: YOU SHOT MY CLOWN!
Booth: [into phone] Okay. Flight number? ...Thanks. [to Brennan] Okay! We're all set.
Brennan: That was not good.

Angela: "Step away, please?" Just because you have your doctorate now doesn't mean I won't use you as a swizzle stick.

Booth: Nah, it was an ice cream truck.
Dr. Wyatt: You have a good reason for firing on it?
Booth: Yeah, the music was bothering me.
Dr. Wyatt: Ah.
Dr. Wyatt: So the FBI sent you to me because you shot a clown?
Booth: Not a real clown!

Dr. Wyatt: You are fit for physical labor, aren't you? I mean, the clown didn't return fire, did it?

Abby: I thought maybe she'd hooked up.
Brennan: Hooked up? Hooked... up? Oh... with, uh, anyone in particular?
Abby: We met so many guys. You know how it is.
Sully: I'm guessing she doesn't.

Hodgins: I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.

Brennan: You know, anthropologically speaking, you follow a very ancient tradition.
Monte: Okay... entrepreneur?
Brennan: Pimp.

Monte: Man, you have to spend all day with her?
Sully: Yeah, an actual woman. You should try it sometime.

Booth: Well, he jumped over that balcony because of her. [chuckles] Y'know, sometimes I think he had the right idea.

Brennan: Keep your eyes open for a metal screw-threaded thingy.

Dr. Wyatt: But shooting a clown is not a quiet rebellion. Shooting a clown is, quite literally, deafening.

Booth: Hey, Doc, why is it that every time I answer the phone, you walk away?
Dr. Wyatt: Why do you answer the phone knowing it'll make me walk away?

Sully: The judgment thing, it's a line from Shawshank.
Brennan: Who's that?

Sullivan: And since we have no professional obligations to each other, I can ask you out? Theoretically.
Brennan: Theoretically.
Sullivan: Perhaps after a twenty-four hour waiting period.
Brennan: Why?
Sullivan: So the brain can adjust to alternate perceptions of each other.
Brennan: I actually don't need it. My brain adjusts quite quickly.

The Man in the Mansion [2.14][edit]

Brennan: Why do you call your psychiatrist "Gordon Gordon?"
Booth: 'Cause that's how he introduces himself. You know, "Hi, I'm Gordon. Gordon Wyatt."
Brennan: Like "James, James Bond."
Booth: "Bond, James Bond," not "James, James... James" ... whatever.

Angela: No, Brennan! For once can you just pretend that you're the girl?
Brennan: Why is everyone so anxious for me to be a girl?

Cam: Spell it out, bone boy!

Dr. Wyatt: Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?
Booth: Why?
Dr. Wyatt: Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.
Booth: Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.
Dr. Wyatt: Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich."
Booth: Ah, second. The first description was dead.

Hodgins: It's my letter of resignation.
Brennan: Your science was dead-on perfect. That's all I care about. I don't need your resignation. [He hands the letter to Cam, who accepts it.]
Brennan: He didn't actually tamper with evidence!
Cam: Dr. Hodgins endangered a case by hiding his relationship with a suspect.
Hodgins: I'm saving Dr. Saroyan the trouble of firing me.
Brennan: Well, how much trouble is it? "You're fired." That's no trouble at all! I mean, a child could do it.

The Bodies in the Book [2.15][edit]

Cam: Only 5 days? This is an extreme rate of decomp.
Hodgins: Blue Crab season. They'll feed on anything, dead or alive. Vegetation, fish, flesh.
Cam: Ugh. Opportunistic little bastards.

Sully: Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.
Booth: Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?
Angela: Testosterone spill on Aisle 4.

Hodgins: So, for kicks you read...
Cam: Feminist trash. You know. Woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.
Hodgins: So, sex books.
Cam: Pretty much, yeah.

Sully: When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around, that's not a fling. When you remember their touch just like they were still next to you? That's not a fling. If you need to be alone with this, fine...but we both know what we have.

The Boneless Bride in the River [2.16][edit]

Booth: Don't knock therapy, okay? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways—
Brennan: [interjecting] We do everything together.
Booth: —of dealing with them.
Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.
Booth: Kit and caboodle.
Brennan: Whatever.

Angela: Oh. All right. Leaving the third circle of Hell. But before I go, I think she's Asian.

Brennan: No bones, no Bones... I was the second "bones."
Cam: Oh, very witty.

Booth: I don't need to speak Chinese to get that. She don't think Bones is good for you.
Brennan: You just made that up!
Prof. Chen.: Ah, nailed it on the head.

Cam: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of the bride?
Booth: Bones stole it!
Brennan: Uh, not stole, swapped.
Booth: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.
Brennan: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.
Booth: Switcheroo.
Cam: Whatchamacallit.
Booth: Two different things.

Brennan: I want you to tell me what to do.
Angela: About what?
Brennan: Sully wants me to run off with him.
Angela: Go.
Brennan: For a year.
Angela: Go.
Brennan: He wants to run a charter boat around the Caribbean.
Angela: Go.
Brennan: He says I should take a sabbatical.
Angela: Go. What is the downside? He's a great guy. This is a great idea.
Brennan: I'll miss you guys.
Angela: Oh, we'll meet you in Barbados. Look. You have been working every day since I met you. It's time to let another part of yourself out into the sun. With a bare-chested man and a tropical breeze.

Zack: Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.
Angela: [looking at both skeletons and their pictures] Wow, they kind of go together.
Cam: Because they're deceased?
Angela: Yeah, but more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.
Cam: Which is zero, because they're skeletons.

Angela: She was ill and he was ill, it's really too bad they never actually met.
Cam: [to Zack] The mortician's lawyer advised him to clam up, the Changs now say that the twenty-five thousand dollars was used to pay off a family debt.
Angela: Ever think that their spirits actually did meet, and they're working to get their bones together here, in the physical plane?
Cam: You mean like we're "possessed" into doing their bidding?
Angela: [sighs] You know what you people lack? Whimsy. It's a genuine handicap.

Angela: [talking about the two skeletons] I am going to draw them a wedding picture.
Cam: Okay. Well, you do that. [turns to Zack] We should find out who poisoned the victim and arrest him for murder.
Zack: Probably the bouncing, flying mail-order husband. [turns to Angela] Does that count as whimsy?
Angela: Well, you're handicapped, Zack. Someone really needs to throw a telethon for you.

Brennan: What are you doing here?
Booth: I'm waving goodbye. See?
Brennan: What do you want?
Booth: Breakfast.
Brennan: I'm not hungry.
Booth: Oh, come on, huh? What are ya gonna vomit up when we come across one of those, uh, horrific cases?
Brennan: I don't vomit.
Booth: Give it time, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.

The Priest in the Churchyard [2.17][edit]

Zach: I'm Dr. Addy. Are you one of those priests who smack schoolchildren with rulers?
Father Donlan: [icily] That's not allowed anymore.

Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Zack: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Brennan: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Booth: [to Zack] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all. [to Brennan] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship, and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God that I'll burn in Hell?
Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.

Booth: We're definitely not working well together.
Brennan: Because you are bossy and judgmental.
Booth: Problems between people, it's never just one person's fault.
Brennan: What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own.

Brennan: [to Lorraine] Do we take this, or do we need to serve a warrant on God?
Booth: [grabs the chalice]

Dr. Wyatt: You're both afraid that the reason Dr. Brennan didn't sail off into the sunset with her boyfriend Sully might have been her ties to Agent Booth. [pause] You're both quite wrong.
Brennan: [to Wyatt] Why didn't I go with Sully?
Booth: How is he supposed to know?
Brennan: [to Booth] Sully is perfect. We communicated well. The sex was incredible. He invited me to sail around the South Seas in a beautiful yacht for a year. I mean, why would anyone turn that down?
Dr. Wyatt: In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Brennan: I hate psychology.
Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.
Dr. Wyatt: [to Booth] Mmm, on the contrary, if anything your issues are more pronounced. Given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny.
Brennan: That makes sense.
Booth: Oh, now you like psychology.
Dr. Wyatt: I think you'll both be able to work together just fine, now that your minds have been set at ease.

Cam: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is we know how to make you feel a lot better.
Hodgins: Bad news is someone is trying to kill you.

Brennan: [trying to get Angela examined by Dr. Wyatt] Dr. Wyatt, we need you to do it with her.
Dr. Wyatt: [stammering] Well... I could, but unfortunately, my heart belongs to another.

Dr. Wyatt: [after Angela tells him he was wrong about Booth and Brennan's issue] I stand by my diagnosis.
Angela: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get Agents back in the field solving murders. [Wyatt chuckles]
Dr. Wyatt: Your romanticism is endearing, but as the bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains such shaping fantasies that apprehend more than cool reason could comprehend."
Angela: He also says "Journeys end in lovers meeting every wise man's son doth know."

The Killer in the Concrete [2.18][edit]

Cop: And when we dug up the cement—
Brennan: No, that's concrete. Cement is an ingredient in concrete.
Booth: Yeah, that's a real important distinction to make at this juncture.

Hodgins: Waffle-soled shoes and a track suit.
Cam: You know who wears track suits?
Zack: Athletes?
Cam: No, huge tubs of lard or retired people.

Brennan: [to Cam] Tell Booth that Ice Pick's femur is sliced cleanly at 90 degrees.
Booth: I can hear you, Bones, okay? It's a speaker phone.

Brennan: Have you turned Russ into a criminal, too?
Max Keenan: Hey, I haven't committed a crime in over fifteen years. I'm straight.
Brennan: Except for killing, gutting and burning the Deputy Director of the FBI.
Max Keenan: He was trying to kill Russ, and then he was going after you. It is not a crime to protect your family.
Brennan: Well, some fathers do it without killing.

Cam: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.
Hodgins: What comfort zone?

Tim: You're welcome. Your dad's psycho, by the way.
Brennan: You have no idea.

Zack: This is one of those times when I have no idea what's happening.

Angela: I can't fight or shoot a gun, but if something bad happens I can spit with deadly accuracy.

Angela: What can't you tell me?
Brennan: By definition, I can't tell you.

Angela: All right, you're after a crazy old ice-pick hit man who has Booth. You need help. Look at my face. Do you really see me backing down?
Brennan: I—I already have help, Ange.
Angela: From whom?
Brennan: From someone worse than Kennedy.
Angela: Are you serious?
Brennan: Don't say it!
Angela: Your father is helping you?
Brennan: I have to go.

Brennan: Booth is being held by Melvin Gallagher.
Cam: That's a leap. How do you know?
Brennan: Can we just go with this, please?
Cam: Of course not.
Angela: Obviously, Brennan found out from her father, who is a wanted fugitive.
Brennan: Ange!
Cam: Now that I can go with.

Angela: Has anybody noticed that every time there is a panic situation, all eyes turn to Hodgins?

Brennan: [to the phone] Yes. This is Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian. I just received a call from Agent Booth that he's being held at [motions to Angela for some papers] the Purdue Airfield in Oakville, Virginia. Send back up. I'm going in. [hangs up the receiver]
Angela: You just lied your ass off to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. [Brennan ignores the comment and leaves.]
Hodgins: That is so hot.

Max Keenan: [to Bones] I need your car.
Booth: [lying on the ground, still immobilized] Max Kennan, you're under arrest.
Max Keenan: Not if I get the keys.
Brennan: They're in the ignition. [Max kisses Brennan on the forehead and leaves.]
Brennan: What? It's not like I actually gave him the keys.

Spaceman in a Crater [2.19][edit]

Hodgins: This guy's wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers.
Cam: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Booth: Before taking over?
Hodgins: This is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.

Cam: Why do you know that?
Zack: My knowledge is vast.
Cam: Why did I ask?

Booth: The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto.
Hodgins: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted.

Brennan: Did you ever get drunk together?
James: What?
Booth: What my partner is trying to ask is if you two were buddies. Did you go out and have drinks and exchange confidences?
Brennan: Yes, that's what I asked.

Booth: Hey Bones. I ran a check on STC, okay. They're part of the 'Tinfoil Hat Squad'.
Brennan: What's that?
Booth: They wear tin little hats, probably to check aliens from controlling their minds.
Brennan: Oh, schizophrenics?

Brennan: Maybe it wasn't a U.F.O. that Cal saw.
Booth: Ah.
Brennan: He could've seen something else.
Booth: Yeah, like a death beam or a space baby.

Angela: Hey, do you aliens use any weapons resembling a...
Zack: A broadsword?
Hodgins: How about a light saber?
Zack: No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered.

Booth: Because the warrant includes anything that is in plain sight.
Brennan: "Plane" sight. Get it. It's a pun.

Brennan: I guess right now it looks to me like marriage is having someone who will slap your enemies and then toss their dead bodies out of airplanes.

The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House [2.20][edit]

Brennan: I believe that dopamine and norepinephrine simulate euphoria because of certain biological triggers like scent, symmetrical features...
Booth: Symmetrical features.
Brennan: Yes, it's an indication of a good breeder. You appear to be a very good breeder.

Hodgins: It's not like we get a human light bulb in here every day.

Booth: Okay, squint squad, why's she glowing like a glow stick?

Hodgins: I am not a party trick!

Cam: Re-hydrates dried tissues and stops static cling.

Brennan: I'd back down if I were you. He shot a clown once.

Hodgins: I don't understand. Why wasn't Abby killed too?
Cam: [inspecting the murder scene] Funny, but I haven't found a written confession yet.

Hodgins: Whoa, wait a minute.
Cam: What is it?
Hodgins: Ah-ha, unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words I know.
Cam: I don't even want to think about your pillow talk with Angela.

Angela: You really think her husband killed her? I mean, it would make sense he'd spare Abby.
Brennan: I don't think I'm the person to ask about psychology of relationships.

Brennan: It's just... If a relationship seems more than casual, I feel that I need to point out the potential problems. Probabilities of success and failure, or...
Angela: You get scared.
Brennan: [nodding] But I miss so much, don't I?
Angela: I want to say no, but... yeah. You do. And so does whoever you're keeping yourself from.

Hodgins: No more. I'm done.
Booth: You're done with Angela?
Hodgins: [definitively] No. But, hey, I fell in love with a free spirit, and if getting married makes her feel trapped or something, then I'm, I'm just gonna have to deal with it.
Booth: Right. So, you don't want to get married anymore.
Hodgins: Sure I do.
Booth: You know, this whole ceramic stuff is making more sense to me.
Hodgins: But Angela doesn't. And I don't want to drive her away like you did with Rebecca.
Booth: Whoa, I did not drive Rebecca away. We both agreed that it wasn't right.
Hodgins: After you asked and she said no.
Booth: Well, when you say it like that, it's—
Hodgins: But if it had been right, it wouldn't matter if you were married or not, would it, because you'd have a life together.
Booth: Great, then why not get married?
Hodgins: Because then we wouldn't be able to be together, see? This is all becoming so clear now!
Booth: [laughs] Not really.
Hodgins: You put on that macho front, but inside you understand!
Booth: I don't understand.
Hodgins: That which the mind can't grasp...
Booth: All right, you know, I'm just trying to catch a murderer, but you seem to have gone way past that.
Hodgins: Means a lot, knowing that you get it, man. Most guys, not secure enough to admit that.
Booth: I have a headache. [His phone rings; he answers.] Booth. Yeah, I'm on my way. Abby just [Hodgins hugs Booth.] woke up. I need you to figure out what that stuff is. Okay. [Hodgins lets go.] It's so much easier just to fight and shoot guns. Bones, she's awake, we're going!

Booth: Talk to me, squints, as close to English as possible.

Hodgins: Look, I'm Abby. [gesturing to Zack] You're Carly.
Zack: Why am I always the murder victim?
Hodgins: Sit.
Brennan: [chuckling] Zack's always the murder victim.

Angela: What you said here... that we're enough... just this, no pressure for more... (Angela's voice breaks) that's all that I ever wanted.

Stargazer in a Puddle [2.21][edit]

Brennan: "I would like to marry you."
Booth: Kind of sudden, Bones. Let me think about that.
Brennan: No, Booth. That's what Angela [Booth starts to laugh] told Hodgins. Are you joking?

Zack: Your estimate was correct. This hole is consistent with a 22-caliber slug. I learned slug from Cam; it's a colloquialism for projectile.

Angela: But this time, art made science her bitch.

Angela: Hey, Brennan, I'd like to ask you a favor. Well, it's not so much "ask a favor" as—as, as extend an honor. I mean, I hope you see it as an honor, and you don't think of it as some onerous duty, which I don't think you will, but then again I've never done this before, and of course—
Brennan: Angela, just ask.
Angela: Will you be my maid of honor? (Brennan's face changes and she looks close to tears) At the wedding? (Brennan hugs her) Is that yes?
Brennan: I'm completely, totally honored.
Angela: Really? I thought I'd have to tell you what a maid of honor—
Brennan: I don't even care how awful the bridesmaids' dresses are. [hugs her again] I'm so glad you asked me.

Booth: [on the phone with Hodgins] You know, you didn't give me much time to put a bachelor party together.
Hodgins: No bachelor party.
Brennan: Is that Hodgins?
Booth: Yeah, he wants me to be his best man. [to Hodgins] Well, if there's no bachelor party, what do you want me to do?
Hodgins: Stand there, make a toast, hand over the ring, tongue-kiss the maid of honor at the reception when people clink glasses.
Booth: Nice, excellent, okay. Who's the maid of honor?
Hodgins: No idea, but most of Angela's friends are really hot.
Brennan: I'm the maid of honor. Why?

Hodgins: Release the hounds.
Zack: What?
Hodgins: [annoyed] Pour in the Sea Chimps.

Brennan: Am I terrible for not wanting to care about my father?
Booth: Look, Bones, if your father is going to do something tomorrow that's going to hurt you... how do you forgive that?
Brennan: I'm not a bad daughter? Bad person?
Booth: You're not a bad anything.

Hodgins: Those Sea Chimps went after that pork by-product like piranhas after a skinny-dipping missionary.

Ruth Keenan: Hi Temperance, it's Mom. I don't know when or if you'll ever see this, but I hope to put it in your hands myself and see you again, with my own eyes. This is a hard, hard world. Your father and I left you and Russ to save your lives. People would have killed you to get us. That's not what this is about. Today is your sixteenth birthday. I'm so sorry not to be there to tell you all the things a mother should tell her daughter when she turns sixteen and sorry not to give you this (holds up the ring Brennan's father gave her). It's an heirloom. And starting today, it's yours. I don't know how long it will take me to get it to you, but I promise you I will. You're going to hear a lot of things about your parents, especially your father. He is a good man. It was my insistence to leave you kids. Max would have kept us together, fought until the end, I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for that. So please Temperance, I need you to forgive me and if you can't forgive me, I beg you honey, if you can't forgive me please forgive your father. Remember you were loved in this world, cherished. What I did to you may have been wrong, but I did it out of love, I did it out of love.

Booth: [whistles] Wow, you look great.
Brennan: [confused] You said I looked good before.

Booth: (Whispers) Bones?
Brennan: (Annoyed) What?
Booth: He could have gotten away.
Brennan: What?
Booth: We go into a fight and your dad could have escaped capture.
Brennan: So he beat you in a fight?
Booth: No, no, I didn't say that.
Brennan: What, so you beat him but you gave him a chance to escape?
Booth: (Walking towards her) No, I didn't say that.
Brennan: Well, I don't see any other alternative.
Booth: No, he didn't run away, because he felt if he abandoned you, he would have lost you forever. Just thought you should know. (Brennan hugs him and Booth smiles)
Brennan: Thanks, Booth.

Season 3[edit]

The Widow's Son in the Windshield [3.1][edit]

Clark Edison: [interviewing to be Brennan's new assistant] Did I get it right?
Cam: Yes. Construction worker, foundation collapse.
Clark: But I'm not impressing her.
Cam: I'm still not completely certain what Dr. Brennan thinks of me.

Booth: So it's been, what, three months since Zack shipped off to Iraq?
Brennan: Uh-huh.
Booth: How hard could it be to replace him?

Brennan: How did this skull get here?
Booth: Ask our eyewitness. [runs off to get a teenage boy] Let's go, buddy. [brings the boy over to Brennan]
Boy: I am not high.
Brennan: Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?

Boy: I was driving behind a dump truck, and that came flying off the back.
Brennan: Do you think the rest of the skeleton is still in the truck?
Boy: No.
Brennan: Why?
Boy: It didn't come flying out, if came flying off. It bounced.
Booth: Oh, a bouncing skull.
Brennan: Or perhaps you thought that because you were under the influence of tetrahydrocannabinol.
Boy: What?
Booth: Weed.

Brennan: Why would anyone throw a skull off an overpass?

Private Investigator: So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?
Angela: Yeah.
Private Investigator: So you married a guy without knowing his name.
Angela: It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.

Private Investigator: Right. Well, I'm just gonna need any description that you can provide of your husband... details, dates, photographs, who else was there...
Angela: Tall, I guess. Muscular. Black. That's all I've got. You know what, I think his name had a B in it. Actually, it could have been a K. You know what, I could make you a sketch.

Brennan: The scraping is uniform in spacing but not depth, which suggests an ungual pattern.
Booth: What's an uncle pattern?
Brennan: No, ungual. Guh. Guh. Ungual. [to Cam] How do you say this in a way that makes sense to Booth?

Angela: You are not gonna hire that one either.
Brennan: I haven't made up my mind yet.
Angela: And when you don't hire him, it just prolongs this lame excuse for you not to go out into the field with Booth.
Brennan: Why would I do that?
Angela: Because, when Hodgins and I ran away from our wedding, we left you and Booth standing at the altar. And that iconic image totally freaked you out.
Brennan: No, it didn't.
Angela: Sweetie, this is not one of those things where you try to keep a secret and I ferret out the truth. This is where I tell you something that's true, so you can catch up to your own reality.
Brennan: Ange, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Angela: [nods] Which actually proves my point. [hugs Brennan] I really love you to bits and pieces, sweetie. I know, you love me back. We'll talk again, when you catch up.

Booth: I mean, how hard can it be to replace one weirdo squint?
Cam: I'd hire Clark, but it's not my call.
Booth: No, no, it is! I mean, you've given Bones enough time, just hire the guy!
Cam: Usually when you get all blustery, it's 'cause you think something's your fault.
Booth: Yeah, well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.
Cam: Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.
Booth: Well, look, I asked Bones if that was a problem. She said no.
Cam: Well, I gotta wonder if deep down anybody is that rational.
Booth: You're not reassuring here, Camille.
Cam: If you're looking for reassurance, find someone who's not such a good friend, Seeley.

Booth: A prodigy violinist disappears and a month later his skull ends up bouncing off a garbage truck?
Cam: Obviously, we are looking for someone who really really hates classical music.

Brennan: A cannibalistic violin thief who eats faces?
Booth: Yeah, it's a stretch. But, uh, see how this is? Us working together, very symbiotic.
Brennan: You said that already. What is it, the word of the day?

Angela: He was barely shaving then. What is she doing, playing squeeze and squish with a nineteen-year-old?
Booth: "Squeeze and squish?"

Booth: There's only one place that uses the pink rock in its foundations. It's an old deserted bank on the Anacostia River.
Cam: Bingo baby.
Brennan: Why bingo baby?
Booth: I checked into the ownership of the place.
Brennan: Why bingo baby?

Brennan: Why are your eyes closed?
Booth: I thought that we were going to get blown up.
Brennan: It's just a transmitter.
Booth: Oh, now whoever owns this place knows we're here.
Brennan: I'm curious. In an explosion, how would shutting your eyes help?
Booth: Huh? It just does. Okay, Bones? It just does.

Booth: Bones, I mean, you see that is going on here, right?
Brennan: What are you talking about?
Booth: You—you're getting all of them to help you now.
Angela: Booth, the vault is filled with priceless artifacts.
Cam: And probably material stolen from other victims.
Hodgins: It's going to take months to sift through all that evidence.
Booth: No, this is enabling. You're enabling someone with a mental problem.
Brennan: Zack!
Booth: No, you! You! Bones! You're the one with the mental problem.

Booth: You know, you weren't upset because Zack was gone.
Brennan: Yes, I was!
Booth: Okay, yeah, but you were more upset over the fact that I didn't stop him from going in the first place. I mean, look, I could've said to him, "Zack, Iraq is no place for a guy like you."
Brennan: And he'd never have left. You could have stopped him. Why didn't you do that?
Booth: Whatever Zack's deal is, okay, his weirdness, whatever you want to call it...
Brennan: I call it "genius."
Booth: He's a... man. He's a, uhm, he's a strange man, but he's a man who wanted to serve a larger purpose.
Brennan: This is some alpha male rite of passage?
Booth: No.
Brennan: You mean, go to war?
Booth: Wrong. No. Zack needed to leave the nest. The same way you did when you wanted to leave the lab and see the world for the first time. And I helped you do that. How could I stop Zack from doing the exact same thing in his own way?

Booth: 'Cause you have to slow down, right. Take a breath. You have to realize that this is not a sprint, it's gonna be a marathon. Marathon, Bones, coming from the Greek meaning "really, really, really long run."
Brennan: That's not how the word "marathon" originated.

Booth: Look, there's something else I gotta know, and it's important. We solid?
Brennan: You and me? Yeah!
Booth: No, not just you and me, squints too. Zack is back for good. Angela and Hodgins have their head back in the game. Cam, she's locked in.
Brennan: Why are you asking me this?
Booth: Because. You and me, we're the center.
Brennan: And the center must hold.
Booth: Right. So, are we gonna hold?
Brennan: Yeah. We'll hold. We're the center.

Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van [3.2][edit]

Booth: Look, Bones, all I'm saying is Caroline went to a lot of trouble to get you private visitation with your father, and now you don't want it.
Brennan: The Federal Detention Facility already has visiting areas.
Booth: Yeah, behind two inches of glass. Now you'll be able to give your old man, you know, a hug.
Brennan: I didn't ask for special treatment.
Booth: That's because you don't have to, because you are special!

Cam: How close are we to identifying the victim?
Angela: Well, this is the skull. [indicates how broken the skull is] I'm good, but I'm not that good.
Brennan: Perhaps you can use these. [sarcastically] There's a portion of tongue, hair and brain matter.
Angela: Okay, if anyone needs me, I'm gonna go throw up. Then do some paper work.

Angela: [introducing herself to Agent Frost] Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods towards Hodgins] and him.

Max Brennan: I always liked Booth. Nicest guy to ever arrest me.

Cam: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be a severe injury.
Zack: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory.
Cam: You know, you could say "walk around" instead. I wouldn't fire you.
Zack: "Walk around" implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine.
Cam: Can't believe I still ask these things.

Sam: [to Booth] If she were a guy, I'd deck her!
Brennan: Actually, that distinction is no longer necessary, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Sam: [to Booth] She must be really good in bed, otherwise I don't see why you'd keep her around.
Brennan: Yes, I am. But Booth would have no direct knowledge of that fact.

Booth: [drunk] God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, all right, in the harbor —I'm good, all right, I'm—I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English.
Brennan: Ya think?
Booth: Yup. Yup. Definitely.

Brennan: As an anthropologist I accept change as the natural order of things but with him I didn't allow for transformation. I predicated his behavior based on a set of outmoded preconceptions. It wasn't rational.
Booth: [drunk] Wow, I didn't get any of that.

The Death in the Saddle [3.3][edit]

Booth: Eyes full of maggots, and all you see is the boo-boo on the forehead.

Cam: Well, tissue damage indicates some kind of blade.
Brennan: So does bone damage.
Cam: Dr. Brennan, you aren't... being competitive between flesh and bone, are you?
Brennan: It's possible.

Cam: Guys? Contents of the victim's stomach are corn...raw oats, and dried molasses.
Booth: Horse food?
Cam: F.Y.I., there's such as thing as too much fiber.

Brennan: Where do horses stay in a hotel?
Booth: Bridle suite.
Brennan: ...That's correct. How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke?
Booth: I have a five-year-old son.

Angela: No. No, I'm annoyed. I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician's assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.
Cam: Now that's an opening line.
Angela: Ugh, Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot.

Sex motel owner: So you say you're with the F.B.I.? [Booth shows him his badge].
Brennan: That is the third time he has showed you his badge.

Booth: Aristotle also thought that the purpose of the human heart was to solve math problems.
Brennan: I'm surprised you know that.
Booth: Well, turns out I'm smarter than a fifth grader. [chuckles]

Booth: [about the sex games] It's wrong. It says so in the Bible.
Brennan: It does not.
Booth: Then it was left out by mistake.

Zach: What melon is in season?
Hodgins: Wh—why?
Zach: Once I've IDed a possible murder weapon, we'll want to compare an exemplar to the entry wound.
Hodgins: ...Cantaloupe.

Booth: Might wanna take a look in the mirror there, My Friend Flicka.

Booth: What was with all the lying? We've got voice tape!
Brennan: It was role-playing! I was being all "lard-ass and good cop."
Booth: Hard-ass and bad cop, Bones. Hard-ass and bad cop.

Brennan: Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!

Suspect: What did you hit me with?
Brennan: A building.

Booth: I lost my appetite because you made me think about all those people parading around pretending to be something they aren't just so they could have crappy sex.
Brennan: How do you know it's crappy?
Booth: Gotta be, Bones. Come on, it's gotta be.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Why? I'll tell you why. Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures, just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some—they just give up hope because, in their mind, they're thinking, Oh, there's nobody out there for me, but all of us we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet and there's that spark, and, yes, Bones, he's handsome and she's beautiful and maybe that's all they see at first, but making love... making love... that's when two people become one.
Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.
Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try, and when we do it right, we get close.
Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?
Booth: Yeah, Bones—a miracle. Those people with their role-playing and their fetishes and their little sex games, it's crappy sex, well, you know, at least compared to the real thing.
Brennan: [staring at him, faintly smiling] You're right.
Booth: Yeah, but... Wait, I just won that argument?
Brennan: Yep.

The Secret in the Soil [3.4][edit]

Sweets: Agent Booth, you've been trying to intimidate me since the moment you stepped in here. And you've succeeded.
Brennan: Don't... scare the boy, Booth.

Brennan: [about the bones] No signs of cannibalism. No bite marks—
Hodgins: —No condiments.

Hodgins: [finding a rare insect] Hello, my exotic princess!
Cam: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.
Zach: I think he was talking to the bug.
Cam: Well, now I feel a bit... rejected.

Brennan: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Booth: How do you even know that phrase?

Booth: I'm sorry, but whose side are you on?
[Brennan opens her mouth to say something, but Booth interrupts her.]
Booth: And don't say "the facts," because that just annoys me.
Brennan: You want us to base our actions on your gut?!
Booth: Yes. You have your shiny machines, I have my gut.
Angela: Is it always like this whenever you two are together?
Brennan: Yes!
Booth: [at the same time] No.
Angela: [grins] That's kinda hot.

Noel: What, you think I have bionic vision or something?
Booth: No, but you got binoculars... they're in every starter stalker kit... so give Angela something to draw.
Noel: I like artists.
Angela: I'll crush you like a bud, dude. Describe the guy.

Brennan: Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me, you have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire, and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific, so back off.
Sweets: Just trying to help.
Brennan: By questioning his humanity?
Booth: Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid. Right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.
Sweets: Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: We are partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.
Sweets: And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?
Booth: Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.

Sweets: You complement each other.
Booth: No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?
Brennan: "Complement," not "compliment." P-L-E. He means that we complete each other, as a team.
Booth: Yeah, right.

Brennan: So we get to stay together?
Sweets: Yes...
Booth: I'm sensing a but.
Sweets: However...
Brennan: Same as a but.

Booth: You wouldn't even have coffee with me?
Brennan: Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other. Because there are no murders.
Booth: Were, I said no more murders.
Brennan: Then fine, we could have coffee. So that's clear, that I mean, we'd have coffee. That's our relationship. Coffee.
Booth: Yeah, let's... move on.

The Mummy in the Maze [3.5][edit]

Zack: I will be the back end of a cow.
Hodgins: So, no costume.
Zack: Naomi from Paleontology has agreed to be my front.
Hodgins: So many jokes, so little time.

Hodgins: The clothing came from a church-run thrift store.
Cam: How could you possibly know that?
Zack: There is no bug or slime specific to church thrift stores.
Hodgins: You don't know that. I'm the bug and slime guy. You're just the auxiliary bone guy who dresses up like the back end of a cow.

Angela: And get him to sign the divorce papers.
Private investigator: By "get him" do you mean force him to sign them?
Hodgins: If necessary. Do you have a gun?
Angela: Or just remind him of who I am, and ask him politely.
Hodgins: What are you, Canadian?

Hodgins: How did you get to and from a remote, nameless Florida key so fast?
Amber: It does have a name. Its name is No Name Key. Your confusion is natural.

Amber: Here's what Mr. Barasa said, 100% verbatim, word for word.
Hodgins: Verbatim means word for word.
Amber: What?
Hodgins: You sort of said it twice.

Amber: Okay. Did I mention he's the most beautiful man I've ever seen? Don't blame me. PI code: keep it real.

Cam: I'm Catwoman. [Brennan looks at her blankly.] ...The superhero.
Brennan: Oh!
Cam: One of the most powerful female superhero figures.
Brennan: [scoffs] I don't think so.
Cam: Are you kidding? Catwoman?
Brennan: Can you fly?
Cam: I have nine lives.
Brennan: Super strength, super speed, force people to tell the truth?
Cam: I think I'm pretty fast.
Brennan: "Pretty fast" is not super speed.

Brennan: Who's more powerful, Catwoman or Wonder Woman?
Hodgins and Zack together: Wonder Woman.
Brennan: I concur, vehemently.

Brennan: [as Wonder Woman] Sorry, the bullet bounced off my bracelet! Just like Amazonium!

Brennan: It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and—what's Superman's secret identity?
Booth: Clark Kent.
Brennan: Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date.
Booth: Yeah, bad date because you shot me.
Brennan: It was only a flesh wound. And you dropped me on my head.
Booth: After you shot me. Okay, I think I got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

The Intern in the Incinerator [3.6][edit]

Cam: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up?
Booth: Sixty already? Wow.
Cam: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.
Booth: All right, you give him my best.
Cam: You can do it yourself. You have to come with me.
Booth: What? No, not your family.
Cam: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.
Booth: You never told them we broke up?
Cam: You want to make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday?
Booth: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?
Cam: Yes, between six-thirty and ten on Thursday.
Booth: Ugh, Camille, you're an adult, you can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.
Cam: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die!

Hodgins: I never liked Kyle Aldrige.
Zack: He told me once that having a high IQ was no excuse not to bathe.
Angela: I don't believe that.
Zack: No, those were his exact words, "no excuse not to bathe."

Brennan: Why do you want me to interrogate Aldrige?
Booth: Because he thinks I'm stupid.
Brennan: You're not!
Booth: Thanks, Bones, I know. Listen, during the interrogation, always refer to the victim by her first name.
Brennan: Well, you're the one that told me that personalizing the victim doesn't work with sociopathic serial killers. They lack all empathy. [poking Booth] You told me that!
Booth: We are not looking for Gorgonzola today!
Brennan: Gormogon. Gor-mo-gon.

Aldridge: Why am I talking to you?
Brennan: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?
Aldridge: Shortly after 11. Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up on the food chain that an FBI consultant.
Brennan: Kyle, I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect. But that won't work with me.
Aldridge: Why is that?
Brennan: Because I'm smarter than you are.

Booth: Cam's sister kissed me.
Hodgins: Duuude.
Booth: Don't call me dude. All right, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend, but only between the hours of 6:30 and 10. She kissed me at 6:20, so technically that doesn't even count. Cam went to her office to get something, Felicia—she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming, I didn't even have a defense maneuver planned.
Hodgins: Oh wow... All right, all right, uh, how are you, uh, how are you gonna break it to Cam?
Booth: What? Why would I do that?
Hodgins: You want her to find out from her sister?
Booth: Ah, this is worse than when we were a couple. [Hodgins starts laughing.] I really should take my gun out and shoot you now.

Booth: This has got nothing to do with Goobagon.
Brennan: Gormogon!

Booth: [after accessing some files with Cam's password; to Brennan] I know your password too. It's "daffodil."
Brennan: I never told you that!
Booth: What—I got eyes! I mean, you guys aren't exactly CIA material.
Hodgins: "Daffodil"?
Brennan: What? They're pretty.

[...]

Brennan: [after finishing the search] And I'm changing my password.
Booth: Daisy.
Brennan: How did you know?
Booth: It's your second-favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet! [after Brennan enters another password; as he's walking away] Jupiter!

[Brennan is shocked.]


Felicia: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?
Cam: You want him? Take him. I don't care.
Felicia: I don't want him.
Booth: You don't?
Felicia: [to Cam] No, I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.
Cam: So you admit it.
Felicia: Like you're a saint? [to Booth] She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party but that I wasn't invited.
Cam: You were five, and they did not like you.
Felicia: Typical, start a fight so we miss lunch.
Cam: Oh, you made reservations? I'm surprised. I thought we'd have to eat off a cart in the street.
Booth: Wow, you two can lunch after all this?
Felicia: Please, like you can ruin a meal. [laughs]
Booth: Okay, that's it. I don't know who you think—
Cam: Don't raise your voice at her, Seeley.
Booth: What?
Cam: Let's go. Let him calm down. Wow. [They start to walk out.]
Felicia:' Why did you guys break up? What did he do?
Booth: It wasn't me, I—

Booth: What you're taking hard is, uh, the fact that it happened in your house.
Brennan: It's not my house!
Booth: Not where you sleep! Okay, your favorite place, the house of reason, the Jeffersonian.
Brennan: No. It's not my favorite place.
Booth: Yes, it is.
Brennan: What? No, it's not. How do you know?
Booth: Daffodil. Daisy. Jupiter. [pours another shot into two new cups] Okay, I'll tell you what else I know. [He lifts his cup in a toast.] You were hoping that it was Gorgonzola. [They take the shots.]
Brennan: Gormogon.

Brennan: Yes. Are you going to betray me?
Booth: No. [They toast.]
Brennan: Nonetheless, I shall be vigilant. [They take the shots.]
Booth: "Nonetheless"? [They laugh.]

The Boy in the Time Capsule [3.7][edit]

Zack: I had a Michael Jackson glove. I've never mentioned that before.
Hodgins: [entering platform] I loved Chevy Chase. We all have our crosses to bear.

Booth: No. You know what? This is crazy. It's—it's not right. Tell him that it's not right.
Brennan: Is it?
Booth: Oh! You're on his side. Why don't you go play Voltron with him?

Booth: There was this girl, Karen Highsley, and we were under the bleachers one night, personally, with me.
Brennan: Got it, you were having sex in the dirt under the bleachers.
Booth: Excuse me, I'm a gentleman, I brought my sleeping bag.
Brennan: Did you fail to perform sexually?
Booth: What?
Brennan: 'Cause that might actually count as a humiliation. [starts to walk away]
Booth: [runs after her] Will you just wait? Will you just allow me to tell my story?
Brennan: Fine.
Booth: Thank you, all right. So this girl, she had this game, where she would ask me a question—
Brennan: What kind of question?
Booth: It doesn't matter, okay. So if I got the question wrong, I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. So of course I knew all the answers, but I pretended that I didn't.
Brennan: So you could take off your clothes.
Booth: Exactly. Now, my point is, I'm standing there, you know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal, she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there starko.
Brennan: Well, why would she do that?
Booth: Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before.
Brennan: Okay, this is a story about sexual prowess, Booth! You're bragging!
Booth: [laughs] I had to run across the campus buck naked!
Brennan: You're laughing about it now! You enjoyed displaying your penis, it showed alpha male mastery. [lowers her voice] Only one other person knew about Brainy Smurf; it was my mother.

Hodgins: It was quicker. She was a cheerleader. She was hot. He couldn't wait. It's the boy thing again. Or maybe he was peeping through her window. Could have been a peeper.

Booth: Smurfette is a stupid, shallow Smurf who only had her looks. Look... you're better than Smurfette, you have your looks, and a whole lot more.
Brennan: You did bring that for me. To charm me in case I didn't find your humiliation so impressive, but I did.
Booth: Aha, so I did impress you.
Brennan: That's what impressive means, dummy. You're such a Philistine.
Booth: I'll tell you what. You can hold on to this, and it will remind you how far I've come.
Brennan: I forgive you for snorting, Booth.
Booth: Evolution is a long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.
Brennan: Thousands.
Booth: Why do you have to always correct me?
Brennan: To help you evolve.

The Knight on the Grid [3.8][edit]

Cam: Dr. Brennan looked a little hurt when I told her you asked me to come out here instead of her.
Booth: No, Bones's feelings, they don't get hurt. She's not like you.
Cam: Like me?
Booth: Yeah. A girl.
Cam: Yeah, the word you're looking for is "woman"—who incidentally makes more money than you.
Booth: Touchy!
Cam: What can I say, I'm just a girl with feelings.

Booth: Hey, look, Bones, you are gonna stay with a friend, check into a hotel, right?
Angela: She can stay with me.
Booth: Great.
Brennan: Thank you, no, why?
Cam: Mr. Kneecaps has your home address?
Brennan: I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.
Booth: Cam, she goes nowhere alone.
Brennan: Cam, don't listen to him.
Booth: Cam, who are you more afraid of, me or her?
Brennan: Booth—
Cam: Whoa! [holds up one hand to get them to stop] So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.

Booth: Don't look at me, my idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.
Sweets: That's interesting.
Booth: No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.

Sweets: Really? It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.
Booth: Did you just Star Wars us?

Brennan: I do this under extreme protest.
Booth: The truck will be here any minute.
Brennan: Who knows about this?
Booth: Just you and me, Bones. Not even the driver knows what we're transporting.
Brennan: The MRI at Bethesda will tell us if Gormogon hid anything within the bones.
Booth: Like what?
Brennan: [a bit louder] I don't know. That's why we need the MRI at Bethesda.
Booth: Shhhhh...
Brennan: [whispering] What?
Booth: [whispering] Don't have to scream, I'm right here.
Brennan: Riiiight. Okay.
Booth: Are you done? We're kinda on a schedule.
Brennan: [loudly again] Yes. I'm done. Now we can load it onto a truck and take it to Bethesda.

Brennan: There are levels of "bad guy," Russ, and you're not even on the first level.
Russ: Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

Booth: Okay. While I'm here, I'm gonna get a court order to monitor Arthur Graves visitors. Okay. Just in case Gorgonzola decides to come back and visit his old master.
Brennan: You're doing that Gorgonzola thing on purpose, aren't you?

The Santa in the Slush [3.9][edit]

Zack: Victim appears to have odd-shaped remodeling on his sacrum with a sclerotic margin around the injury.
Hodgins: Some kind of old injury?
Zack: Two small indentations here, [he points to the screen] consistent with trauma from impact with some sort of cloven hoof.
Hodgins: Cloven like... a reindeer?
[Angela enters.]
Hodgins: Oh, thank God you're here. This is so wasted on me alone.
Zack: Evidence is evidence, whether anyone is there to hear it or not.
Hodgins: [to Angela] Our victim—was kicked by a reindeer.
Angela: Oh, get the hell outta here.
Zack: [points to the screen again] The sacrum.
Angela: Wait. The evidence actually adds up to an old, fat man with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit, who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?

Brennan: Where did he work?
Ralph: Uh, employment agency called Temp Time. On 7th, by the Convention Center.
Booth: Ha! Couldn't have been Santa!
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Because Santa wouldn't have worked at a temp agency!
Brennan: Well, why not? His work is seasonal.

Booth: No. It's not a lie lie, Bones. It's more like everybody agreeing that up to a certain age, kids deserve to live a different kind of truth.
Brennan: Okay, by that reasoning, what we should do is figure out a lie Russ could tell the girls so they wouldn't know he's in jail.
Booth: That is a brilliant Christmas idea.
Brennan: It was intended to be a scathing and incisive comment.

[Brennan is asking Caroline for a letter so her dad can have Christmas in a conjugal trailer.]
Brennan: So will you?
Caroline: I will.
Brennan: You will? Thank you!
Caroline: On one condition.
Brennan: Booth said you'd say that.
Caroline: Did he say I'd ask you to kiss him?
Brennan: [laughs] No. [realizing she might be serious] Are you?
Caroline: No cheeks, no noses, right on the lips.
Brennan: People kiss people on the nose?
Caroline: I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.
Brennan: Kiss Booth?
Caroline: That's right, chérie.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because it will amuse me.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because you're all "Dr. Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.
Brennan: Puckish?
Caroline: What's the matter, you don't think I can be puckish?
Brennan: I never thought about it until now.
Caroline: You want me to write that letter, you kiss Booth on the lips for no less than one steamboat, two steamboat, five steamboats.
Brennan: That's blackmail!
Caroline: That's correct.
Brennan: That's unethical.
Caroline: That's the deal. Take it or leave it.

Parker: Are you going to be all alone at Christmas?
Booth: Me? Nah, I'm not gonna be alone. I'll be with Bones and all of our friends.
Brennan: I'm going to Peru.
Booth: See? We're all going to Peru.
Parker: You're having Christmas in Africa?

Booth: What is with the mistletoe?
Brennan: I was gonna talk to you about this. Caroline wants us to kiss under the mistletoe.
Booth: What?!
Brennan: It's the only way she'll make Christmas for my family.
Booth: What? By having us kiss?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Because she's feeling puckish.
Booth: Puckish? What's that mean?
Brennan: Listen, Booth! She's going to be here any second. Do you want some gum? [puts gum in her own mouth]
Booth: No, my breath is just fine. All right, look. I'll have a—talk with Caroline.
Brennan: No.
Booth: No?
Brennan: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Booth: What?
Brennan: So that you won't be surprised.
Booth: Yeah, when you say "kiss," you mean like kiss-kiss, like on both cheeks.
Brennan: No, the lips. Like brother and sister or colleagues. French people meeting on the street.
Booth: Caroline's feeling puckish, huh?
Brennan: It means playful and impish.

Caroline: Well, look at that. Mistletoe. [Booth starts to protest.] You take a step to your right and you'll be right under the cute little sprig.
[Caroline watches them and raises an eyebrow, waiting for Brennan to follow through on her end of the deal. Booth incoherently tries to protest but Brennan doesn't give him much time before she leans in and kisses him, grabbing the lapels on his jacket. Caroline continues watching them, but the kiss lasts longer and becomes more passionate than she had expected. When Brennan pulls back, they both appear to have been affected more than they thought as well.]
Brennan: [trying to regain her composure] Was that enough steamboats?
Caroline: [flabbergasted] Plenty. A whole flotilla.
Booth: I don't know what that means, but, um, Merry Christmas.
Brennan: It was like—kissing my brother.
Caroline: You sure must like your brother.
Booth: She does.
Brennan: I do.
Booth: [to himself] She does.
Caroline: The trailer's all arranged. You're good to go, chérie. Merry Christmas.
[She leaves, still flabbergasted. Booth and Brennan are still standing in the same place, not really able to look each other in the eye quite yet.]
Brennan: I'm sure she feels really foolish right now.
Booth: Yeah. [awkward pause as they sneak a look at each other] Well, hey. I, um, I really should—I should get back and—see if, uh, the forensic guy has got—anything yet on Moussa's clothes—
Brennan: That's a good idea. Yeah, I got—stuff—to do too. Yeah.
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: That—for—with bones.
Booth: [starts chewing gum] I—I understand completely. [He stops when he realizes he's chewing and takes the gum out of his mouth.] Thanks for the gum. [He puts it back in his mouth and leaves.]

Sweets: I don't understand. Has there been some kind of crisis?
Brennan: Yes, I have a crisis.
Booth: Bones, it was just mistletoe.
Brennan: Not the kiss, that was nothing.
Sweets: You kissed?
Booth: Mistletoe.
Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Sweets: Was there tongue?
Booth: You know what, get your own sex life.
Brennan: That has nothing to do with sex.
Booth: Nothing! It was...
Brennan: Totally sexless.
Sweets: I'm all ears.
Booth: Could you just take your hat off, there? [Sweets obeys.]
Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Booth: I'm being misquoted.
Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
Booth: She got the gist.
Sweets: There is a fictional element to Christmas.
Brennan: You mean the whole birth-of-a-savior rigmarole?
Booth: It is not rigmarole!
Sweets: No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults...
Booth: Are you including you in that?
Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights, and wrap gifts in garish paper. And that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Okay?
Brennan: I found that very helpful.
Booth: That's what I've been saying the last four days!

Russ: You're gonna help me lie to the girls?
Brennan: Well, apparently, it's not morally wrong to lie at Christmas.
Russ: What if they know I'm lying?
Brennan: Well, apparently, sometimes—lying is a kind of gift. I'm hazy on the rules, but the idea is even if they know you're lying, they know you're doing it out of love.
Russ: Where are you getting this? Because I'm in jail, and I'm getting better advice.

The Man in the Mud [3.10][edit]

Sheriff: [asking Booth] Is she serious?
Brennan: As serious as a gas attack.
Booth: [sighs] Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Booth: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey?
Tim: How'd you know that?
Booth: [points to his name plaque on his desk] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

Booth: You know, you can play the field and not plough it.
Brennan: That was distasteful.

Brennan: I'm enjoying this. The last time I threw pots I was in Columbia with the Arhuaco Indians.
Booth: Last time I did something like this, I was in nursery school.
April: Well, we love it. Don't we, Lance?
Sweets: Yes.
Booth: Well, I love my work, but I'm not gonna talk about that right now. Even though we think a paraplegic killed Tripp Goddard.
April: That sounds fascinating.
Sweets: [sternly] April.
April: Oopsie.
Brennan: Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.
April: Yes, I loooove fish, they're just like people.
Brennan: No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.
April: She's funny.
Brennan: I am? Wha—? Why is that funny?
Booth: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.
Brennan: Oh.

Booth: What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the—hot mud bath, and a skeleton hand pokes her in the—you know—
Brennan: Anus.
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth. Would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?
Booth: Why? Because I don't wanna talk about—you know—
Brennan: The anus.
Booth: You really like that word, don't you?
Sweets: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?
Booth: Well, it's better than talking about—you know.
Sweets: The anus?
Booth: What is it with you two?

Brennan: After a case, sometimes we have a drink, or coffee. Booth has pie. I don't like pie.
Booth: You really should just... give it a chance.
Brennan: I find it too sweet.
Booth: Okay, there! We talked about pie. Nothing to do with work.
Brennan: It... is better when we discuss murder.
Sweets: I'd like to see you guys in a social situation. A situation where work is a taboo subject.
Booth: What, are you gonna send us to a restaurant and watch us through a one-way mirror?
Brennan: I'm still not having pie.
Sweets: No, an evening out with my girlfriend and me.
Booth:' [laughs, then turns to Brennan] They need someone to buy them beer.
Brennan: You want us to go on a double date?
Booth: Listen, why don't you just go on the Internet like all the rest of the kids?
Sweets: Okay, if it goes well I'll withdraw my concern. I'll release you back into your environment.
Booth: What are we, brook trout?

Booth: [trying to cheer up Sweets] Hey, you know what, Sweets? Bones and I, we're going bowling tonight!
Bones: Yes, yes, bowling! You know what, you wanna come with us? To go bowling at the bowling rink?
Booth: Alley.
Bones: Bowling alley. The bowling alley?

Player Under Pressure [3.11][edit]

Brennan: I've changed my mind, she is not a smart girl. This is a terrible university.

Brennan: I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!
Booth: Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad.

Brennan: Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?
Booth: [mouths] The mansion.

The Baby in the Bough [3.12][edit]

Booth: He looks a little fussy there why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle.
Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants!

Brennan: Coochie-coo? [baby cries] Oh, no no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys, you must have some. Let me see. You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong. [talking to Booth about the baby] Hey, look at that, he flipped over!

Sheriff: There's not even a scratch on the boy. It's a miracle.
Brennan: Well, hardly. Car seats are specifically engineered to protect the child.
Booth: From what? Flying out of the back of the car and landing in a tree?

Booth: You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.
Brennan: I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.
Booth: Ah, so you've bought him some clothes?
Brennan: Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.

Brennan: Strontium is an element found in most rocks.
Hodgins: Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. Over time the isotope collects in the bones, meaning—
Booth: You could use it to figure out where someone's from. [Brennan and Hodgins both look at him, shocked.] That is right, people, I am a constant surprise.

Brennan: I don't understand. He's been fed; he's changed; I patted him, and now he's just... complaining.

Booth: Are you gonna get him?
Brennan: I figured you'd get him.
Booth: Don't you have a "responsibility under state law"?
Brennan: But you're the baby daddy.
Booth: Baby daddy?!
Brennan: You have prior experience with pre-verbal infancy.
Booth: You can be the daddy mommy.

Booth: Bones, there is a baby involved. If you hear gunfire, anything like that, drive away.
Brennan: Bu—I'm not leaving you.
Booth: Yes, you will, because this is about the baby, not me. Promise me.
Brennan: [Looks at the baby for a long moment.] I promise.

Booth: Looks like our little guy's gonna be just fine.
[Brennan looks at him.]
Booth: The little guy.
Brennan: Andy.
Booth: Andy's gonna be just fine.

The Verdict in the Story [3.13][edit]

Caroline: Dr. Brennan is suspended from all crime-related duties.
Booth: What?
Brennan: What? For laughing at Booth?
Booth: That really doesn't bother me.

Sweets: Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist...
Booth: Former therapist.
Sweets: ...is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.
Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.
Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.

Max: Oh, he's a full-grown scientist?
Clark: I shave, sir. I have a driver's license. I've won a couple fist fights. I've saved a life. I've lain with woman. I've been hustled at pool. I've defied my father's wishes. I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken. So, by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man.
Max: Oh. You "lain with woman"?
Russ: Is he gonna talk like that at dad's trial?

Russ: What about that genius kid at your lab?
Max: The oversized eyes and the toaster head? That guy?
Clark: I'm sorry if my normal-sized head and eyes diminish your confidence.

Angela: All of us together and Brennan alone.
Zack: Not alone. [looking towards Brennan, Clark and Barron] She's with those African American people.

Caroline: Here's what's not different. Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [pan to Booth's belt buckle] No badges saying "Resist Authority" or "The Truth is Out There". [pan to a pin on Hodgins's jacket]. Do not cut your own hair the day before a trial. [pan to Zack]. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Brennan: [whispers across the aisle] Booth.
Booth: [whispers back] What?
Brennan: [whispers] I could so be objective.
Booth: [whispers back] I know, Bones. Okay. Just shhhh.

Angela: Sweetie. This is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.

Booth: [whispering to Brennan] No wonder Dr. Geeks can never hang on to a girlfriend.
Brennan: [whispering to Booth] It's Dr. Sweets.
Booth: [whispering to Brennan] I know, Bones. I was just saying... Dr. Geeks as in "geeks."
Booth: [whispering to Brennan] Meet Dr. Geeks.
Judge: Dr. Brennan, I want you to swap seats with your brother, and Mr. Booth, I want you to swap seats with Ms. Montenegro.
Brennan: What? How come?
Judge: You don't whisper as quietly as you think you do.

Booth: Tell you what, why don't we make a deal where we allow him to study us, and in return he gives us psychological profiling on demand?
Sweets: Okay.
Brennan: No, you like that sort of thing, but I don't see the point.
Booth: I just think that he doesn't want to admit that he likes us.
Brennan: Do you liiike us?
Sweets: What?
Booth: And he wants to spend time with us.
Brennan: Is that true, Sweets? You like us?
Sweets: No.
Booth: He wants to spend time with us.
Booth and Brennan: [sing-song] He really likes us.
Sweets: All right, you know what, I'm sorry I made the offer, I take it back, forget it. [walks off]

Booth: Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined, temporarily.
Brennan: I still don't know what that means.
Booth: Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart—pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]
Brennan: [smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

Booth: Bones was with me all day.
David Barron: She didn't have time to commit this murder?
Booth: No, she did not.
David Barron: How did your son Parker get home from school that day?
Booth: [realizing] Forty-five minutes we were apart, but we talked on the phone.
David Barron: Plenty of time, wasn't it, Agent Booth? Dr. Brennan could have burned the body hours later when you were safe at home. [Booth says nothing.]
'Judge Haddoes: The witness will answer the question.
Booth: [whispering] That's a lot of heart, Bones.

Booth: Could Bones have killed Kirby? ... Temperance Brennan, I've worked with this woman, I've stood over death with her, I've faced death down with her. Sweets is brilliant—he is, but he's wrong. ... She could not have done this.

Wannabe in the Weeds [3.14][edit]

Bones: The guitar string could definitely be the murder weapon.
Booth: 'Cause it cut the cheese?

Bones: Does Tommy share your affection?
Pam: Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?
Bones: Hey. Wha—what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do—do I look like a scarecrow?

Brennan: Until I was thirteen I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.
Booth: I'd say you're kidding, but I don't think you know how to kid.
Brennan: The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said I sang just as well.
Booth: As well as Cyndi Lauper?
Brennan: Yes.
Sweets: Mothers do that. It's healthy.
Brennan: No, it wasn't just flattery. My mother told me I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did. [Booth laughs]
Sweets: It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan. Not an objective evaluation of your abilities.
Brennan: Well, I think you're wrong.
Booth: Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.
Brennan: No!
Sweets: Yeah, come on, give us a few bars.
Booth: Come on...
Brennan: I can't just burst into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.
Booth: Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...

Sweets: Mocking will not change my opinion. I have been mocked many, many times before.
[Booth and Bones exchange a look.]
Sweets: That came out wrong.

Zack: My regimen is easily completed in my apartment. Treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit-ups, push-ups and leg-lifts, and then 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.
Cam: I am deceived!

Bones: Hey! Break down the door!
Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!

Bones: Kelly Clarkson?
Booth: American Idol, "Because of You"?
Bones: Because of me?

The Pain in the Heart [3.15][edit]

Angela: Look, I know how you see things, and I respect that. But I need to ask you a favor. I have to go to the funeral. I'm not going to be able to get through this alone. I've been crying for, like, days. I really need your shoulder here. I need my best friend.

Brennan: That woman was aiming at me. I would have happily taken that bullet.

[Brennan hits man at funeral with fake arm.]
Booth: Bones! Nice shot! ...What?
[Brennan angrily storms up and punches Booth too.]

Brennan: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral—it was a complete waste of time, just like I said.
Booth: Wait a second, you thought that my funeral was a waste of time?
Cam: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.
Booth: Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people, though...
Hodgins: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.
Booth: Yeah, me too.
Angela: You guys are pathetic.
Brennan: [to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.
Booth: Bones, I'm telling you, you were supposed to know that I wasn't really dead, I swear! That's why I thought you weren't crying!

Zack: Is it a cake or is it a pickle?
Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's cat.
Zack: That makes sense to me. Cakes and pickles mean nothing to me.

[Brennan walks in on Booth in the tub.]
Brennan: I need to talk to you!
Booth: Okay, what the hell, Bones? I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! How the hell did you get in here anyway?
Brennan: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer?
Booth: [slightly bashfully] Hot tub plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat equals solution. But why are you—
Brennan: And that cigar? Very unhealthy.
Booth: Okay, what the hell do you want now, Bones? 'Cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed.
Brennan: You should have told me that you weren't dead.
Booth: I already explained this to you. The bureau has to vet everyone when there is a security issue. I was just following protocol!
Brennan: Protocol?!
Booth: Yes!
Brennan: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me.
Booth: [standing up] I took a bullet for you!
Brennan: Once! That only goes so far! [pause] Would you like a towel?
Booth: Fine. What is it I should've done, Bones? What did you want me to do?
Brennan: Well, you could have called me. Did you really think I needed to be vetted by your boss? I mean, don't you trust me?
Booth: Of course I do.
Brennan: Then why wasn't I told? It must have been something that you said.
Booth: No, I don't know why you weren't told.
Brennan: But you said that I should be. Aren't you curious why I wasn't?
Booth: Yes. Do you want me to find out why you weren't told?
Brennan: If it's important to you.
Booth: Fine. I will. Next time I die, I promise that I will tell you.
Brennan: I'll look forward to that.
Booth: Me too. [opens comic book]
Brennan: What are you reading?
Booth: A novel. [pause] It's a graphic novel.
Brennan: Just so you know, I find your lack of Puritan modesty very refreshing.

Cam: A toothless cannibal just can't cut it in today's competitive serial killer climate.

Booth: Bones broke into my house last night—
Bones: There was a key!
Booth: ...All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!
Sweets: Broke into your house?
Bones: There was a key.
Booth: [talking over her] And barged into my bathroom.
Sweets: [laughing] What were you doing?
Bones: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.
Booth: I was taking a bath!
Sweets: You read comics and drink beer naked?
Booth: Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?!

Sweets: I think it's interesting psychologically how Agent Booth's constant efforts to persuade you to enjoy fruit pie could be interpreted as a type of seduction.

Brennan: It's Zack. He's the killer, Booth. It's Zack.

Zack: You looked at the mandible.
Brennan: You had to know I'd see it eventually.
Zack: I didn't foresee the extent of my injuries. I was going to sneak out of here, but—
Brennan: Your friends never left your side.
Booth: And you intended to steal the jawbone and add it to the silver skeleton.
Brennan: But you designed the explosion. You must have known exactly how big it would be.
Zack: Hodgins argued with me. He stood too close. The delay allowed the thermoplastic to reach the boiling point, and as a result, the explosion was three times more powerful than I calculated.
Brennan: You must have known how badly you'd be injured.
Zack: Yes.
Booth: Who's Gormogon, Zack?
Zack: That's not what he's called.
Booth: Then what is he called?
Zack: The Master.
Brennan: And you're his apprentice?
Booth: I need a name.
Zack: I can't tell you. The apprentice is expendable. I'm expendable.
Booth: Who is he?
Brennan: Zack responds to logic, Booth.
Booth: Really? 'Cause I'd love to hear the logic of killing and eating people to change the world.
Zack: The Master's logic is irrefutable.
Booth: Irrefutable?! I saw him choking a child at the bottom of a pool.
Zack: If you knew what I know, you'd understand. You'd be proud of me.
Brennan: I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational or intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic.
Zack: With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic.
Brennan: Assumption #1: Secret societies exist.
Zack: Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years.
Brennan: Assumption #2: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies.
Zack: Accepted.
Brennan: Assumption #3: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have an ameliorating effect on the human experience.
Zack: Accepted.
Brennan: All of your assumptions are built upon a first principle, Zack. To wit: The historical human experience, as a whole, is more important than a single person's life.
Zack: Yes.
Brennan: Yet you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins.
Zack: [crying] There's—you are correct. There is an inconsistency in my reasoning.

[upon realizing that all of Zack's favorite things were given to him by his friends]
Brennan: I never gave him anything.
Angela: Brennan, he totally loved you. I mean, as much as he was capable.
[Booth takes a letter out of Zack's box and reads it silently.]
Brennan: [getting up to leave] But I never gave him anything.
[Angela turns to follow her, but Booth goes instead.]
Booth: [reading her Zack's letter of acceptance to be Brennan's intern] I think you gave him something great, Bones. [Brennan rest her head on Booth's shoulder; he rests his on her head.]

Season 4[edit]

Yanks in the U.K. [4.01][edit]

Brennan: In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.
Booth: I'm turning right. [He takes the right turn and almost hit a bus, then manages to stop the mini in the middle of the intersection]
Booth: [Gets out of the car. Screaming] I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution! [Hits the car hood with his hands] Ahhhh!!!

Booth: [Getting back in the car] I feel much better what did I miss?

[Trying to get out of the mini cooper]
Booth: Ahh! Getting out of this thing is like being born!

Booth: Every man in this country would like to sleep with you.
Brennan: Are you being nice with me or awful to the British men?
Booth: I'm just saying, Wexler isn't special. You are.

Brennan: [waiting for Cam on the phone] You really think I'm special?
Booth: Of course I think you're special! Yes!

Angela: My heart isn't yours to claim, it's mine to give away.

[Angela calls Brennan's phone, voicemail answer.]
Brennan: Hi, technically you have not reached Temperance Brennan. But if you leave a message it will reach her. Me. Temperance Brennan

The Man in the Outhouse [4.03][edit]

Sweets: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?
Brennan: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.
Booth: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.
Brennan: No, relationships are temporary.
Booth: No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong. Okay, there is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. All right, you just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.

Bones: Anthropologically, 83% of societies are polygamist.
Booth: Now you sound French. Being faithful is what separates us from the chimps.
Bones: Actually, it's a gene called har1f.

The Finger in the Nest [4.04][edit]

Booth: Parker had a nightmare.
Brennan: About severed fingers?
Booth: No, it was a singing frog.
Brennan: [shrugs] I don't see the connection, but then I'm one of those people that thinks when you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana.

Booth: Okay, yeah, I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl and you were fine.
Brennan: Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock... it really freaked my parents out. And once, when Russ found me hanging, he had to go see the school psychologist.
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] But otherwise you were fine.
Brennan: [earnestly] Yeah.
Booth: Mmm, okay. [slight pause] Do you dream about bananas a lot?
Brennan: Why?

Parker: [to Booth, when introduced to Dr. Sweets] His face doesn't look like a baby's behind!
Booth: [puts his hands over Parker's ears] Look, okay, he's having nightmares, he's not eating, he doesn't wanna go to school and suddenly he's afraid of meteors!
Sweets: [nonchalant] Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid?

[Booth walks into Brennan's office to find her using her laptop computer whilst curled up on the sofa with Ripley.]
Booth: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.
Brennan: Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, [cooing to Ripley] aren't you? [to Booth] He reminds me of you.
Booth: Me?
Brennan: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.
Booth: 'Kay, great. Thanks a million.

[Brennan and Booth have just finished burying Ripley.]
Booth: So, you want to say something?
Brennan: Well, I feel that this dog, Ripley, paid a price that was unfair.
Booth: It's not my fault, Bones, why are you talking to me?
Brennan: Well, you're the only one here!
Booth: Well, talk to the universe... or—or God. Or Ripley.
Brennan: I don't believe in God.
Booth: Well, "God" spelled backwards is "dog."
[Brennan gives him a confused look.]
Brennan: Well, and Ripley is dead, and he's a dog with, you know, limited vocabulary skills.
Booth: Bones, just, you know, speak from your heart.
Brennan: [sighs sadly] On behalf of human-kind [and the] universe I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy, and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize... he would grow into a big dog.
Booth: [quietly] That's good.
[Brennan looks at him mournfully, slightly teary-eyed.]
Brennan: Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it—to please his master. [holding back tears] You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. [nods adamantly] Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.
[Brennan takes out the dog tag she bought for Ripley and pats it into the ground on Ripley's grave.]
Brennan: [continues to pat the ground with the shovel; to Booth] Is that enough?
Booth: Yeah. As much as a good dog, hey [places his hand on her back], could hope for. Even with "limited vocabulary skills." [Brennan stands up.] Okay?
[Brennan gives him a watery look and a rueful smile. She places her head on his shoulder and they embrace.]

The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond [4.05][edit]

Detective Paynter: The body parts were found in this evaporation pit.
Booth: That's purple!
Detective Paynter: The kid said it turned purple when he peed in it.
Brennan: For future reference, this is more of an anomaly than a missing head.
Detective Paynter: Sad comment on your life, Doc.
Booth: Again, snippy. If my back wasn't bad, I'd hit you.
Brennan: Booth, I can take care of myself.

Angela: These are children's shoes, but they're size 11.
Cam: So you think our victim was a giant toddler?
Brennan: That would show up in the bones.
Cam: Sarcasm does not play well in the forensic platform.

Sweets: These action figurines, they're awesome.
Booth: Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?
Sweets: No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?
Brennan: Was that woman your mother?

Brennan: What's wrong with him?
Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?
Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory enhancer, psycho-sexual proxy.
Booth: Right, right. What's that mean?
Brennan: Masturbatory aid.
Booth: Oh. Check the shoes.
Sweets: Good.
Brennan: What?! He's not going to find it in the shoes. Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?
Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Gary Tushman: The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: No, I do not.
Booth: Try me, Mr. Tushman.
Tushman: Book writing is no longer about good writing, per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot, scientist chick.
Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Booth: No, of course not. Don't call my partner a chick. What's the matter with you?

Booth: What are you doing?
Brennan: I'm throwing out my book.
Booth: It's still on your hard drive, right?
Brennan: No, not anymore it's not.
Booth: You erased it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Brennan: I don't want to be a writer anymore.
Booth: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot. Did you see his glasses?
Brennan: Well I don't want to be a sexy scientist.
Booth: Well that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.

The He In the She [4.07][edit]

Brennan: Do you consider yourself to be one of my "brighter grad students," Mr. Nigel-Murray?
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Yes, and so do you, Dr. Brennan.
Booth: I am not calling this kid Mr. Nigel... anything.
Vincent: Vincent. Or Vince, or Vinny, Vin... Vinchenza. Actually, uh, I had this girlfriend, once, who used to call me "Vino Delectable" because of how my—uh, you don't... need to know that.

Cam: We already have Agent Booth to make lame jokes. Let's stick to facts.
Vincent: The rods in the human eye are sensitive enough to detect the light emitted by a struck match from as much as a mile away on a clear night.
Cam: [mildly surprised] Okay, let's stick to relevant facts.
Vincent: The sockets have been ground down.
Cam: Okay, that could be useful. [looks expectantly at Vincent, who smiles but says nothing] Especially if you have an explanation.
Vincent: Plastic surgery. Oh, uh, she had [gestures with his hands in front of his chest] fake boobs, too.
Cam: "Sockets," "eyeballs," "boobs"... I wouldn't use these words when conferring with Dr. Brennan.
Vincent: I know—with her it's all "supra-orbital nimbus" and "mammary implants." But you seemed a more colloquial sort.
Cam: Well, in that case, what about the "backbone"?

Hodgins: Does Brennan put "Mr." before your name?
Vincent: Yes.
Hodgins: That's her very subtle way of saying you're not a doctor.

Cam: [about the victim] "He"?
Vincent: Mmm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks: it says "I be male."
Cam: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say—this part here [points in the general direction of the lower body] says "female."
Vincent: What part's that?
Cam: It's called a vagina.

Booth: Okay, but from now on he is always a she. She was a he when she died, so she deserves the respect due to... him... or her. Okay? Person!
[Both Brennan and Sweets give him puzzled stares.]
Brennan: Okay, uh, I'm a genius and I'm confused.

External links[edit]

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