Season 3, Episode 1: The Birthday
Damon: Not cool, brother. Stefan: Come one. A little bit cool, no?
Season 3, Episode 2: The Hybrid
Damon: Stefan is gone. And I don't mean geographically.
Elena: You've been dodging my calls. Damon: Busy day. Dead fake girlfriend and all.
Elena: You're the one who told me I can handle things on my own now. Alaric: I meant like frozen dinners and SATs.
Klaus: Please, forgive the inclusion. My name is Klaus. Werewolf: You're the hybrid. Klaus: You've heard of me. Fantastic.
Damon: When I drag my brother back from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt when he was gone.
Damon: Even in his darkest place, my brother won't met me die. I figure I owe him the same in return.
Damon: I was wrong. Elena: ... Are you drunk?
Season 3, Episode 3: The End Of The Affair
Damon: You want a partner in crime? Forget Stefan. I'm so much more fun.
Klaus: I see they've opened the doors to the riffraff now. Damon: Honey, I've been called worse.
Caroline: Why are you trying to fix me? Caroline's father: So I don't need to kill you.
Elena: It's an antique, Damon. Like you.
Damon: It came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it.
Elena: Stefan could have lived anywhere in Chicago and he chose this? Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.
Damon: Stefan was a cocky Ripper douche, but I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanans of my own.
Stefan: If we were such great friends, then why do I only know you as the hybrid d**k who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire?
Season 3, Episode 4: "Disturbing Behavior"
Alaric: You killed me! Damon: Ric, no hard feelings, alright? I was on a bit of a tear, and everyone was trying to tell me how to behave. Alaric: Maybe they finally realized you’re a d**k.
Rebekah: I am not a brat! Klaus: A thousand years of life experience says otherwise.
Katherine: I'm just a girl, looking for a partner in crime.
Katherine: I want it. Stefan: That's good. It's good to want things, Katherine.
Damon: He threatened to out me. Don't get me started on the irony of that.
Elena: It's an old family recipe, okay? Damon: I knew your old family. They made sucky chili.
Elena: Where's Damon? Caroline: Probably off somewhere doing bad things to good people. What? Consider me the honesty police.