Win Ben Stein's Money

From Wikiquote

Win Ben Stein's Money was a game show on Comedy Central between 1997 and 2003. The series won six Emmy Awards for Stein and co-host Jimmy Kimmel.

This TV article is a stub. You can help Wikiquote by expanding it.

[edit] Openings

At the top of each show, Stein would quote the lyrics from a popular song in his usual deadpan delivery, reminiscent of his role as the economics teacher in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. At the end of each he would incorporate into the quote that he was putting $5,000 of his own money on the line against the three contestants of the day.

Ben: Now, why have I done this? Call me crazy.
Audience (sometimes with great enthusiasm): YOU'RE CRAZY-Y-Y!!
Ben: But also call me fairly certain that these three (contestants) don't have a snowball's chance of beating me...

Ben: And now, let's turn to the (object/person) to my (related object/person), Jimmy Kimmel to find out who our three contestants are.

Ben: Contestants, good luck. You're gonna need it.

[edit] Categories

One of the many highlights of the show were the hilarious names given to topics in the game itself. For all their levity, the questions were, conversely, legitimate trivia.

"The Man Who Knew Too Much" And Other Pet Names Used By Ben's Wife

The Obese Traveler Had To Book His Rooms In Extra Lodge

The Ox Files

Clark Felt Like Superman When He Got Her In The Lois Position

I Prefer Avis To Oscar De La Renta Car

My Foot Fetish Led To A Podia-Tryst

It Feels Right When You Polish My Wood

Farmer Bob Went Straight To Jail After Being Caught On The Lamb

Back In The Days When Germans Only Shot Pictures

Big Tips Not Found At A Bris

Put That Snake Back in Your Basket, We Are Not Going To Fakir

The Toilets in Las Vegas Are Big Enough For Craps

Win Ben Stein's Monkey

Pour Some Syrup On My Luftwaffes

Place Your Lips On Your Sackbut And Blow

Another Four Letter Word You Can't Say In Church

Keep Your Hands Off My Balzac

German Marches Not Involving Nazi Bastards

[edit] Commercial Outcues

Ben: Stay tuned. I dare you!
Ben: Stay tuned. You might learn something!
Ben: Stay tuned. You don't want to miss it!

[edit] Round Two Disclaimer

Jimmy: From this point forward, Ben has no advance knowledge of any of the questions to be asked. Isn't that right, Ben?
Ben: Sadly, yes. And I'm also sad to say that the dollar amounts have obscenely risen to $200 to $500 of my money, that's if you (the two remaining contestants) get them right. If I get them right, my total remains the same, but thankfully none of my money is taken away.

[edit] Best Of 10 Test Of Knowledge

Ben: As always, I swear on (unusual object) that I have no knowledge of the questions that will be asked.

Jimmy (to contestant before beginning the final round): As host, I'm supposed to remain neutral, but since Ben can't hear me, swat him like a three-legged fly!

[edit] Ending

Ben:..so I challenge all of you to write, call or email to Futility.com in the hope, infinitesimal as it might be, that on some planet, on some distant day, you might (with heavy echo) WIN... BEN... STEIN'S... MONEY!!